Family Feuds

You know … I think I have seen this before …

SOON THE HOLIDAYS WILL BE UPON US in Cowboy country. IN FACT, by the time you read this article, THERE SHOULD BE ONLY A FEW SHOPPING WEEKS LEFT and bowl season will already be ramping up.

YOU WILL PROBABLY BE PLANNING the requisite family functions which you survive and advance through each December. Each of you can relive the occurrences which cause you to believe you are starring in your own version of National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation.

There are simply some interactions with certain family members that may remind you why we’re glad Christmas comes once a year. So while you are eating turkey with turkeys and watching Peyton Manning sing about why he thinks chicken parm tastes so good, you’re actually thinking about, “WHEN IS ALL OF THIS GOING TO BE OVER?”

ALL OF THESE TYPES OF EXPERIENCES GOT ME TO THINKING, what if we compared all those “funny” holiday visitors to fan bases in the Big 12 Conference? Some would be fairly easy, like the new member of the family who lives so far away, he can only get there once a year. He dresses sort of strange, but you think he might be ok ... too early to tell. Then there is your delusional cousin, who is always bragging about the work promotion they are going to get or the new car they are about to buy. But next year they’ll have the same job and be driving the 2001 Chrysler they have now.

Everyone has a favorite uncle. A guy who you can see yourself as, 20 years from now. The two of you are alike, come from the same roots and are proud to admit it. While everyone else is inside watching the “A Christmas Story” marathon, the two of you are tossing a football around in the back yard.

Then there is the kids’ table. It’s loud and it’s messy. Nieces and nephews shouting and feuding about insignificant issues. A distraction from the adult eating arrangements, you have placed them on a card table and folding chairs around the corner. You’ll clean up later.

Finally, your formally rich and always pretentious family members arrive from across town. They pull up in the fancy Cadillac, he in his alligator shoes and her in her mink stole, all three of which were purchased years and years ago when times were better. While others share recent images from twenty-first century mobile devices, they drag out the picture albums demonstrating evidence of when they used to go places and do things. Everyone exchanges knowing glances and just lets them talk. It’s ok.

AFTER IT’S ALL OVER AND EVERYONE IS GONE, you realize you’ve made it through another season and now it’s time to tidy up a bit. The wrapping and tissue paper strewn across the living room are easily disposed of and the COLORFUL BOWS can be saved for next year. Your favorite ... A BIG ORANGE ONE!

ANY AND ALL SIMILARITIES IN THIS STORY TO SPECIFIC FAN BASES ARE COINCIDENTAL.