Brand You Magazine - The Say What Issue by brandyoumagazine

ISSUE 7 EMBRACING OTHERHOOD. Being a parent does not singly define who you are. supporting a survivor. A how to guide from Caroline Brunne's own experience. Viva Le VULVA. Get to know ALL of you. ISSUEsay what! And loads more. spice up the boudoir. Discover the new intimacy. OUTSPOKEN WOMEN. Smashing the ‘too opinionated' stereotype . WARNING WITHINSTEREOTYPESSMASHED&TOPICSTABOO WARNING WITHINSTEREOTYPESSMASHED&TOPICSTABOO

CAITLIN MORAN SUSANJARVIS SANDY DAVIES FUR WALE Roxanne McCARTY-O'KANE CAROLINE BRUNNE LeSLEY STAVERENVANBernadetteandrews MEL WATT

"Whenever I see a taboo, I just think that's something we need to drag screaming out into the light and discuss. Because taboos are where our fears live, and taboos are the things that keep us tiny."

contents Walk beside me CAROLINE BRUNNE Don't look back COLUMNIST KIM DARBY Viva le Vulva SANDY DAVIES Click MEL WATT Unrestricted TAMMY GUEST The C Word COLUMNIST KATHY RAST Embracing Otherhood BERNADETTE ANDREWS Check your privilege COLUMNIST RACHEL KURZYP She Talks FUR WALE Self-care in the Digital Space MARIE NADAL SHARMA Spicing up the boudoir SUSAN JARVIS Being an Introvert is a Superpower LESLEY VAN STAVEREN Stop telling me I don't look sick COLUMNIST BECKY PAROZ Show up and be seen LESLIE CARVITTO Who you going to call? Ghostwriter! ROXANNE MCCANE-O'KANE061113162022242628323437404246

ThroughMenopause.Parenthood.BeautyMentalLGBTQI.Sex.Periods.health.standards.openand honest

magazine

and we release the shackles and embrace freedom. Welcome to your very own sealed section, Issue Seven, the “Say What! Issue” ROWENA PREDDY FOUNDER | DESIGNER | EDITOR EDITORIAL shhhh......

Whispered behind hands or across tea and biscuits. Under the covers or in a sealed section. After a glass or two of tongue lubricant or through tears tissues.

we are all

together the whispers become a

Tantalising taboos and sordid secrets have been at the basis of societal change for generations. Think back over your own lifetime and how certain subjects and stereotypes have changed in you and around you. Think about how you felt and what you believed, then versus now. conversations start to break down the stigma the realisation that in some way, shape form experiencing When quiet words connection join unanimous roar

and

and have

the same.

these

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WALK beside me HOW TO SUPPORT A SURVIVOR 6

As human beings, we are equipped with survival skills. These skills are a part of our DNA passed down from our ancestors to ensure the continuity of our existence. Our survival skills first test themselves when we are infants, as we cry out to our caregivers to express our needs in hopes of having them met. Over the years as we grow, the need for survival changes. These needs are based on our circumstances, privilege and lived experiences. Some people will walk through life without having to engage their survival instincts. And some will face challenge after challenge, proving to themselves over and over again that they can and will fight to survive. Some survival moments are selfmade, they are moments when we put ourselves in challenging situations to show how skilled, determined and resilient we are. Though some are not sought out at all, they are simply a case of misfortune, a type of survival that no one would wish on another human being. As a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, I have lived through that type of misfortune and trauma, and I have chosen to actively survive and then over time I have learned how to thrive. Through this transition, I have

encountered many moments when well meaning people in my life have attempted to support me. Though they have not known how or have not known where to position themselves on my journey of healing. I am very clear in the language I choose when speaking to someone who would like to support me. This is a practice, mastered language over decades of well-meaning supporters getting it very very wrong. I understand that not every survivor will need this type of support, nor will they agree with my opinion on the importance of positioning. This is why our communication and our chosen language are important. Language has power. I am always mindful of the words I choose when talking about my lived experience. In a similar way, I speak of ‘the’ trauma instead of ‘my’ trauma. The trauma is not mine, the survival is, so that is what I claim and how I choose to see myself as I continue on this journey. My biggest request as a survivor is that my supporters walk beside me. These words are specifically chosen. I believe there is a clear difference between walking ahead of someone, walking beside someone and walking behind someone. It is not as simple as walking with them. It is a choice in where you position yourself as their supporter. The position they choose to take is incredibly important to how their support is received and how it assists the survivor on

Someone who is actively walking beside me will not use unhelpful language such as ‘slow down, I can’t keep up with you’, ‘you’re doing it wrong, you’re going the wrong way’, or ‘hurry up, we have to go this way’. They won’t say things like ‘you should or shouldn’t feel this way’ or ‘why didn’t you do more at the time’ or worse still ‘ why aren’t you doing more today’. They know their place and they know that to empower us, the power needs to live in our hands.

their healing journey. It also compliments the language they choose in their support.

To make decisions that are best for us at that exact moment in time. They provide us comfort in knowing that they are right there with us, taking each step as we take it. As our allies and companions.

After years of discovering that many people default to these positions, I have actively chosen to ask them to walk beside me. In walking beside me; they can accompany me along my journey, though they cannot map out the path ahead. I do not expect them to take charge nor do I expect them to know what route to take. This is my journey and at times even I do not know where we are headed. When they walk beside me at my pace we take the journey together, and if we come across a challenge, though I am the only person that can overcome the challenge at hand I know I have my supporters there to talk to, to share in my pain and to encourage me to keep going even when it is hard. When they walk beside me, they can also share in my joy. Similar to overcoming the challenges, they cannot create the joy, but they can share it with me in a way a true comrade does.

This article contains extracts from More Than One Thing Can Be True - a story of survival $34.95

Though, the older we get and the more we experience situations in life that aren’t as high vibe as the expected trajectory, we begin to realise that this linear, unproblematic and seemingly smooth journey in life is a path reserved for very few people. For most of us, the timeline of these seemingly normal life milestones is a little less straightforward and a lot more complicated. Because, for most of us, our timelines are often randomly interrupted and decorated with a smattering of heartache, heartbreak, mistakes, surprises, regret, pain, hurt, estrangement, failure, misgivings, misfortunes, loss, discomfort and death.

COLUMN

From a young age we are unknowingly indoctrinated into a belief system that celebrates the trajectory of life as a a smooth, linear, unproblematic and seemingly smooth journey - birth, first steps, kindy, teeth falling out, school, friendships, tertiary study, career, wedding, mortgage, 1.5 pets, 1.5 children, 30th /40th / 50th / birthdays, Silver anniversaries, retirement, grandchildren.

For me, my timeline has never followed the expected norm.

There are certain inalienable truths one must accept in a lifetime; one being, the impermanence of life, and the other, the certitude of death.

By Kim Darby | Youth Mentor | Empowerment Coach

Don’tlookback you're not going that way 10

I called bullshit on soulmates and meant-to-be’s. I called bullshit on forever.

COLUMN "You can choose to rebuild, repair, grow, change and evolve with or without life altering events serving as a catalyst."

I wish I had embodied this frequency of belief when I needed it; instead I truly thought that any opportunity I had to live a glorious and fruitful life were over.

Questions I pondered daily, ‘Where to from here? How can I rebuild? Am I allowed to try again? Is it even possible to rebuild a life, repair a timeline and re-try getting it ‘right? Will anyone ever love me again?' At THIRTY? With three young children? Yes. And at 40, 50, 60, 70, 80, 90 too.

16, moved out of home. 18, quit university. 19, moved abroad. 20, I became a mama. 24, two daughters. 25, wedding. 27, three daughters. 29, marriage separation, divorce. 29, faced eviction. 29, death of a parent. On my 30th birthday, with a shattered heart and the aching of grief permeating through my bones, I was hit with an overwhelmingly suffocating feeling of shame. I was 30. Failed marriage. Solo parenting. A home with no furniture to sit on, mattresses on the floor and an almost-bare pantry with homebrand food items that were donated to me from the local community food bank, a heart that didn't feel worthy of being loved, no life savings, no qualifications, no hope.

I called bullshit on the socially accepted timeline of education, marriage, mortgage, babies. I called bullshit on shaming divorcees who are under 30. I called bullshit on those who say they can’t date people who have already had children / been married / lived a life. I called bullshit on staying in one job / industry / space / place your whole entire existence.

Thankfully, I sit here today, 5 years later; safe, loved, thriving, abundant, with a bed off the floor, couches to sit on and a fully stocked pantry. In order to get here, to this place of not only just living my life, but also actively participating and directing my life, I’ve had to call bullshit on my own way of thinking and acknowledge that anything and everything is possible; I called bullshit on the ideology that teen pregnancies ruin lives.

And I encourage you - when you’re in that space of contemplation, meeting yourself at the edge of discomfort while assessing who you are and what life you’re feeling called to live - to give yourself permission to be boldly audacious in your dreaming, your hoping, your wishing, your wanting.

We’re often reminded, ‘Life begins at 40!’, ‘50 is the new 40!’, ‘60 is the new 21!’, ‘New year, new me!’ and so on; I think it’s important to explore the nation that life begins when YOU want it to, and it can begin again and again and again and again. Rinse. Repeat. Forever. You can choose to rebuild, repair, grow, change and evolve with or without life altering events serving as a catalyst, and with or without the change of a fresh new calendar year, and with or without the acknowledgement of another celebratory lap around the Sun.

How can we know something is forever when we are 20? How can we know who we are if we’ve never given our self space to explore?

How can we find the people who will truly love us if we’re staying with the people who don’t? If you are breathing, you are alive.

the

And you are allowed all of this at 20, 30, 40, 67, 98.

The Sun is Coming invites you to listen to a collection of honest conversations, heart rambles, discussions and explorations around life experiences, matters of the heart [mind, body, spirit, soul] that visits and unpacks a kaleidoscope of varying topics. sun is coming

There are certain inalienable truths one must accept in a lifetime; one being, the impermanence of life, and the other, the certitude of death - and how we choose to journey along the timeline is up to each individual; just don't look back, you are not going what way.

Kim is a bonafide hand-on-heart-passionateas-heck advocate for all things sisterhood, girl power and female empowerment.

If you are alive, you have been gifted the opportunity to choose. If you have been gifted the opportunity to choose, you have a chance to contemplate, muse and delve into the inner workings of your heart's truest desires. Lean into that space, and remember; You are allowed to try again, live and learn and fail and win. You are allowed to say, ‘No this doesn’t feel right, I want and need to make a change’.

You are allowed to acknowledge that the timeline you were living has expired. You are allowed to move on and call in a life so big, so grand and so beautifully fulfilling that you know the old timeline could never have had the capacity to accommodate such BIGNESS.

PODCAST LISTEN HERE >>> COLUMN

There is no manual or How-To-Wiki that shares the honest and raw truths that marriages breakdown, hate and judgement exists, friends will let you down, financial problems will keep you awake at night, you will fall in love with the wrong people, societal pressure will suffocate you, family will ignore you, you will feel like a stranger with your oldest friends, life will exhaust you, your heart can and will break over and over and over again, regret can consume you, and success will feel lightyears away and out of your reach. But! Those are the moments, the experiences, the situations that if we're willing to integrate the lessons learnt and move forward, can assist us in lifting the veil to explore and illuminate what we truly want from this life.

The Sister Rise Collective was born from her desire to create safe and empowering spaces for girls and women to come together and connect through the web of sisterhood.

WRITTEN BY SANDY DAVIES

viva

Remember that awesome anthem of the early 1990s by the DiVinyls, ‘I Touch Myself’? It was such a catchy tune. Perhaps even a bit risqué for the time, which made it even better. I used to love running through Centennial Park in Sydney with those lyrics blaring through my Discman. The days of the Discman are long gone, but replay that song through your favourite music platform. As you listen, let your hand drop down past your waist. Nah, not for a fiddle! This is about so much more than your clitoris. Give your bits some unconditional love. Cup them all; give them a little hand hug. Tell your vulva you love her. Assure your labia majora and labia minora you care. Make your way to your vaginal opening, and with a finger simply reassure her you will be there for her until your dying day. We’re so good about looking after the beauty routine for our face, but it’s simply not in our psyche to do the same for the space that almost brought me undone during perimenopause. le Vulva!

It is so frustrating that even our trusted health professionals often perceive dryness as something that only matters for sex and intimacy, not overall wellness. When I finally plucked up the courage to leave my obeisance at the door, I discovered that most available over the counter options were trying to make us feel ‘less than’ down there. Fragrances, suggesting we smell. Or a list of chemicals a mile long. And don’t even get me started on the oozey, gluggy sticky ones that make you feel like a complete ‘has been’. There was nothing simple or natural, even when I ordered products from across the globe. We deserve to feel like our natural beautiful radiant selves from our vagina right the way up to the tip of our nose. And that is what led me on my own personal journey to improve my experience with vulvovaginal dryness. I nailed it We deserve to feel like our natural beautiful radiant selves from our vagina right the way up to the tip of our nose.

I started suffering vulvovaginal dryness during and after those pesky heavy flooding intermittent periods that sometimes hit during perimenopause. I had so little knowledge about the menopausal experience that when my GP fobbed me off with, ‘it is just perimenopause, perhaps try some KY Jelly,’ I began to dread the further onset of menopause. Now I understand that most of the major symptoms will begin during peri and menopause itself is technically the day you mark as the absence of a period for twelve months. But back then, I was floundering. Lubricants, obviously, did not soothe or help my dryness, because that is not their purpose.

with the creation of my intimate balm HappyPause™, because menopause should be our happy pause. The thing I haven’t nailed, however, is finding a way for us to find our voice around topics like dryness. The latest research suggests that over 70% of us will experience dryness at some stage over the age of forty. However, only 20% of us will acknowledge it. And of that 20% less than 20% will feel confident enough to address it. Don’t worry, those percentages make my head spin, too. The hard truth is that millions of us will wriggle in discomfort. That is so wrong. We deserve to feel good, especially down there. That is why I would like to issue you The HappyPause Challenge. September 10th is International Gynaecological Awareness Day. This international day was created by our very own Aussie vulva warrior Kath Mazzella, OAM. Kath has worked tirelessly for the past twenty-seven years to increase gynecological awareness and broader community education. Kath is a hero, creating a voice for women and families to help break down stigmas, taboos and barriers. And trust me, now that I’ve put myself out there front and centre as The Vag Queen with my mission to encourage all of us to moisturise our vulvas and vaginas, the amount of stigma that still shrouds the power of our female genitalia, gynaecological cancers and menopause in the year 2022, is heartbreaking. What is The HappyPause Challenge, you ask? I want you to moisturise yourself. Before September 10th, arm yourself with an intimate moisturiser. And to celebrate International Gynaecological Awareness Day, touch yourself. Moisturise your vulva both morning and night. If you’re feeling brazen, talk about it with a girlfriend and get her to do the challenge, too. I’m willing to bet you’ll become a part of the growing not-so-secret-anymore circle of women who make intimate moisturising a part of their daily wellness routine. You deserve to feel amazing. If you want to do even more to heighten awareness of this important day, go to kathmazzella.com and download Kath’s Undies for Better Understanding kit. Whenever you hear that DiVinyls song, don’t forget to honour your bits with a loving gynae hand hug. In honour of Kath’s tireless advocacy, I’m signing off with her signature farewell, ‘Viva le Vulva!’ happypause.com.au

Driven by her desire to capture the authentic essence of each woman she photographs, Mel breaks the bias on current industry and media standards by encouraging her clients to show up ‘as they are’ - void of hairstyling and make-up. Mel highlights the natural, authentic and inner beauty of those that sit before her lens by choosing to instead focus on the raw and real and the end product is a portfolio of stunning captures edited in her signature ‘straight-to-the-soul’ black and white of women gloriously represented as authentic, beautiful and empowered. She shares with us some of her insights into why she chooses to go against the grain in the photography industry and instead advocates for setting a new beauty standard.

Brisbane based photographer Mel Watt has made it her mission to empower other women through her unique and innovative style of photography.

click. 16

PETER LINDBERGH

"The experience of having your photos taken by someone who values and seeks to capture authentic beauty can give women the courage to show up and be seen, take up space and make no apology for who they are. Every woman’s story is unique and experiencing the magic that comes from a photoshoot that celebrates the raw and real can begin to give them a sense of peace with who they are and begin to awaken their strength and power. "

"Photography is often more than just the photos; for some, photoshoots can be quite healing and offer an experience that becomes an integral part of a woman’s journey of self-discovery and personal growth."

It should be responsibilitytheofphotographerstodaytofree women and finally everyone from the terror of youth perfectionism.and

1 Reclaim their identity, realise their value, strength and their voice especially those who have endured domestic violence or divorce.

4 With low self esteem and self worth to see what others see in them and embrace their inner beauty.

5 To feel seen, heard and valued as a woman who feels invisible in society, especially women over 50.

Having an empowering photography session in a space that is safe, trustworthy, welcoming and invites connection can help women:

2 Find themselves and reconnect with who they are again, especially mothers who feel they have lost their identity after having children.

3 See their femininity and strength and reconnect with their bodies following mastectomy, or any other major changes to their bodies.

If you’re feeling ready to find your strength, reclaim your self-worth, feel beautiful and celebrate the woman you are in the body you are in, Mel Watt offers a beautiful experience, “The Empowering Women Portrait Experience”.

"What if we could see our work and our business as living, organismsbreathingthatareforeverevolvingandgrowing,trulyunrestricted?" Tammy founded the Natupreneur Movement and hosts huge events around the country. She runs retreats both online and in person on leadership, business and freedom, with her Unrestricted retreats pairing powerfully with this book. PUBLISHEDPROUDLYBY FIND OUT MORE: TOMOREREAD CLICKHERE

EXCERPT FROM CHAPTER 11

1. We need to acknowledge—this is something that we don’t prioritise enough as practitioners in business.

3. Lastly, we need to renew—what does it look like to really take care of yourself so that you’re ready for the next cycle in your business? Often, we’re very good at acknowledging others, but not so great at acknowledging ourselves. I want you to get in your little time machine and think back to when you first started reading this book or had an idea for your business or new career. What were you like? What were you thinking about? What did you want to achieve? Now is your opportunity to take every single thing that you actually did and give yourself a gold star— give yourself the acknowledgement you deserve. It’s amazing how far you’ve come and it’s really, really important that you celebrate and renew. Just as the seasons go from one to the next, it’s time to close down this chapter, renew yourself and get ready for the next season in your business. What does renewal look like for you? We’re so good at giving self-help and self-care tips to all of our clients, but when it comes to ourselves—sometimes it can be a little harder to do. What puts you in the best position possible to look after and nourish yourself, especially when heading into the next phase of your business?

Introducing the essential handbook for driven entrepreneurs who want to make a real difference in the world, without sacrificing the things they value most.

2. We need to review and measure.

CHALLENGE Reflect and renew YOU It’s time to look in the mirror, reflect, and take the time to renew. Your challenge is to write down all of the places or activities that make you feel your best, and then pick an activity you love to do or a place you love to visit. This is your time to go and run yourself a bath, or make a cuppa with the nice herbal tea. Use that massage voucher or go get your hair done. You need to celebrate in a way that renews you, and it’s time to celebrate you now.

I know what it takes to not only make the commitment, but follow it through week after week. And, I know what it’s like to move on to the next little thing on your to-do list and completely forget—or not acknowledge— how far you’ve come. We need to create a habit of celebrating little wins and milestones. For me, there are three parts to doing that.

Author Tammy Guest is a business mentor helping thousands of practitioners and change-makers to achieve their business and life goals. Tammy draws on her experience running a hugely successful naturopathic practice to impart invaluable advice on staying authentic, grounded and open to possibility as your business evolves.

• How is your booking system?

• Have you been repurposing your content?

• Do you have consistent posts?

ATTITUDE. Where have you adjusted your attitude, knowing that it affects your behaviour and the final outcome? Are you still checking in with your concerns, criticisms and complaints? Are you taking action on clearing these? VALUE. Did you rediscover your value and how others perceive you? And how are you leveraging your value through people, referrals, connections and systems? Who are your referral partners, and when was the last time you connected with them? Are there some personal trainers, hairdressers, beauticians or GPs in the mix? If not, book in that conversation. CONNECTION. Have you become clearer on the fact that it doesn’t matter if we operate business-to-corporate, business-to-business or business-to-consumer; we always need to focus on the human-to-human connection? What stories have you been using from your story bank in order to build those connections? Which ones really resonate with people? Do your stories follow the high-low-high structure? And have you remembered to detach from the outcome when having those sales conversations? PROCRASTINATION. What about those frogs, have they been eaten? Are they on the breakfast menu each day? Which tasks are the most urgent and consequential and will move you further along? CELEBRATION. How important it is to come full circle and celebrate what has actually been happening for us. We talked about gratitude and how that invites flow in because we need to acknowledge the goodness that has been happening in our lives. We also took a moment for self-care—we’ve even scheduled self-care in so that it doesn’t fall by the wayside. Remember, the point is to make our business unrestricted and sustainable—so that, as we run this marathon, we’re able to not only nourish our business, but also nourish ourselves so that we can truly show up in our business.

• Where have you implemented those boundaries and time schedules?

• How are you spending your time now?

Review and finish strong To finish strong, we need to go through a review: review where you were at when you first picked up this book or started your business. Review where you’ve adjusted your focus (since you’ve learnt that where attention goes, energy flows!). The exact areas that you review will be personal, but here are some jumping-off points to get you started:

• What does your social media page look like?

• Are you building connections?

• How are these systems making your life easier?

• Have you put out a newsletter or a blog post?

• What systems have you signed up for or put into place?

• Are you keeping in mind that it costs seventy per cent less time and money to re-engage clients than it does to find new ones? Now consider where you want to be in the near future. Pull out your flight plan again—what is tracking along? What areas need more attention? Since it is a long-term plan, are you on track to hit three- or six-month goals? Have you been taking inspired Wheneveraction?you feel like you might not be moving ahead with your business (and you’re in a season where you have the energy to scale and move forward), there are some questions you can turn to!

• Where have you automated?

CLICK HERE TO READ MORE 21

• Have you started using multiple social media platforms?

COLUMN C wordthe

There’s one word that stands apart from the rest when looking at a line of words. A word that has been moulded to spark the most visceral reaction. The one word rarely spoken outside of anger, name-calling, or all the other circumstances we avoid in our daily lives. Yet, it’s just a word. My wording has me creating new angles to shape how we can experience words in the most wonderful ways. But, let’s call it like it is, my dearest reader—It’s not the word at all. Every word is not its spelling, sound, length or ease of being spoken. No, words have their word toes dug in far deeper than the surface.

As Pondered By Kathy L. Rast | Linguistiologist | Message Alignment Specialist

I share with you the device I use to fall in love with every word for what it has to offer. To make it something I look upon with admiring eyes, wanting to lean in to listen closer to its wisdom and feel that love of a familiar friend—I give each word a voice. To whisper a story in my ear, one needs a mouth. To have a mouth, one needs a face. To have a face, one can take any form. Each word has a different shape. The stronger the words, the softer the form. For me, cunt carries the poise and grace of the woman that draws all the curious gazes of admiration and desire in a crowded room. When she speaks, she holds her eye comfortably with yours. She looks at you with a confidence that is unconsciously contagious as it radiates into anyone open to taking it in. Her lips are red with perfect lines. Her hair sits with the softest sheen. Her gait draws the eye effortlessly. Her voice holds a melodic harmony of layers that appear to be enjoyed differently by each listener.

Cunt truly has a beauty that, in the main, has been shunned, shied, and pushed aside. Alas, that has been our loss until now. For now, we can do better, know more, and see that she has, is, and will always be more than just a She’sword.the beauty, grace, and strength we all strive for. My favourite words describing cunt are by Jay Kristoff in his Nevernight series: “[When] Someone calls you a cunt, you take it as a compliment. As a sign that folks believe you’re not to be lightly fucked with.”

Collect more views on what cunt can mean and create from here. I had this very conversation with my humans, and now we have one rule, ‘Cunt is never to be spoken in anger toward another. We’re only using cunt as an expression of love between us.’

COLUMN "She has the beauty, grace, and strength we all strive for."

I giggle as I say to you, ‘I’m proud to fall into this category of cunt.’

My wonderful reader, I don’t suggest running through the streets with this declaration. Instead, talk with your favourite humans.

Words have stories.

Words are built in our image. What we see in ourselves, we see in our words. Each is defined by what we know. Cunt is one of the most conditioned words in our language to mean one of offense, anger, and disgust (it’s up there with mudblood). Yet, it’s just a word.

Since agreeing on this, things got a little lighter, a lot safer, and a hella funner. Kathy L. Rast is a Linguistiologist. She works with businesses to take what they have and what they naturally do and show them ways to leverage what comes easy to them.

Is it now possible to realise it’s more than a word, and by doing so, we could smooth the wrinkled faces, release the held breaths, and cool the rising tempers...to look upon cunt with a new lens. It’s doable, yes, but is it okay yet?

WRITTEN BY BERNADETTE ANDREWS 24

For many years I was in a haze, thinking that my life would “start” when I fell pregnant and had a baby. I feared the times when my mind wasn’t occupied at work or busily doing “things” as that meant I had free time to think and I would always be thinking about my lack of a baby, that something was missing in my life … that I wasn’t whole. I’m on the other side of my trying to have a baby years, I’ve embraced ‘otherhood’ and to embrace otherhood is to know that you did all you could to have children and you know that being a parent does not singly define who you truly are, that you are whole and complete just as you are. What is the name for the group of people who wanted children but couldn’t have them, and not for lack of trying? Instead of #mumlife, I’m starting a global movement called otherhoodembracing

The next phase is focusing creating a future more exciting than your past - accepting that the end of your infertility journey as the beginning of your new epic life in whatever form that may be for you - this phase invites you to exploring and integrating the following: Connection: by sharing your unique experiences in a safe non-judgemental place and creating lifelong friendships Things to look forward to: bring back the fun into your life with ideas such as movie nights, book club, wine tasting, cocktail making, indoor cosy and outdoor adventures

#embraceotherhood. And when people ask you if you have children, you could just say this phrase “I Embrace Otherhood” and they would instantly understand - with no judgement or further Embracinginterrogation.otherhood

Retreats: Pack your bags as travel is open again and there’s nothing like face-to-face and a welcoming hug with your tribe in a beautiful destination #holidayvibes Infertility can be such a silent pain; I want to help women release the shame around not becoming a mother, and through connection I want to inspire them to feel excitement in living their best new life by embracing otherhood. No more suffering in silence or dealing with infertility trauma alone; by embracing otherhood we collectively seek transformation and new meaning. "How to Stay Sane on the Baby Making Train" is available online at Booktopia by clicking here 25

leaves you feeling excited for all the new adventures life has to offer. There are so many possibilities for all the things you can do - and you can have the freedom to do them without having to think of how it might impact a child. When I was in those trying years, I never once thought that I could feel whole without becoming a parent. And now I know that this, sharing the power of accepting otherhood, is my purpose - to help people find themselves again after they have gone through failed infertility while reminding them to release the feeling of shame or that they are lacking something, and to help them embrace all their future possibilities with excitement. My purpose has turned out to be the gift underneath my experiences. Problems and adversities are what sculpt our soul, or in other words, the shit that you have gone through can ultimately lead you to a great place … the silver linings. Finding your life purpose is really about inner growth from whatever experiences have challenged you to rise above and move forward with excitement. And I can vouch by saying that shit feels good! These experiences of infertility have served me lessons of growth and have fueled the mission to start a global movement that will show others who are also finding themselves on the path of otherhood that they are not alone. How to embrace Otherhood. To create the space required to expand your capacity for a life of fullness, it’s important to first spend time deeply transforming any blocks you may have, this can be done by following a few steps such as the following framework: Release: by stepping off the infertility hamster wheel, you’ll cut ties with old limiting beliefs and let go of the old life you thought you wanted. Clarity: learning from your past experiences to better understand yourself so that you can find your new pathway. Ambition: your new found empowerment starts by filling up your cup with ambition. Momentum: setting yourself up by living your amazing new life everyday. Community: find a welcoming group of like minded people, who have experienced childlessness

Many of us have looked at a peer or competitor and thought, “What’s so special about them?” or “Why did their post go viral when mine didn’t?”. When even if we push success aside, they have the same qualifications and experience and are speaking on the same topics. The answer, in most cases, is privilege. And it’s time we talked about it. What is privilege? Privilege refers to certain unearned social advantages, benefits, prestige, and respect that an individual has by simply belonging to a social group. We all experience different levels of privilege based on our education, social class, race, age, gender, disability, neurodiversity, and sexual orientation.

Why do some businesses achieve celebrity status while others don’t?

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By Rachel Kurzyp | Ethical Marketing and Business Coach

The invisible system Not acknowledging privilege and its role in the success of some businesses is a microaggression. It negates the experiences of individuals and groups who don’t have privilege and minimises their challenges. Yet, many celebrity entrepreneurs justify their privilege by saying it was earned. They continue to share the false notion, “If I can do it, so can you.” This way, they don’t need to acknowledge that it was, in fact, the system that allowed them to build a global brand, make millions and serve thousands, not solely their efforts. It is common for these businesses to teach their clients and customers to conform to the system and then blame themselves when they cannot achieve similar results. This cycle allows privileged individuals to remain in positions of power and silence anyone who questions it. It’s no surprise that BIPOC, LGTBIQ, neurodiverse, disabled, poor, fat, and nonconforming business owners often succeed when they break the rules. We’re in this together Doing CEO mindset work, charging a high hourly rate, and becoming an industry thought leader alone won’t enable individuals to overcome systematic disadvantage and Butdiscrimination.havingopen and honest conversations about privilege and its effects on business is a start. Rachel Kurzyp is an ethical marketing coach, copywriter, speaker and teacher. She supports multi-passionate women to build an aligned, ethical, and profitable business without choosing between their passions, compromising their values, and using unethical marketing tactics. "Having open and honest conversations about privilege and its effects on business is a start."

CLICK HERE TO LISTEN 27

I have experienced large amounts of privilege in my life as a white, cisgender and straight woman. But I have also experienced large amounts of disadvantage due to growing up in a low-social economic household and becoming homeless at the age of 17. Acknowledging our privilege is important. Historically privileged groups haven’t recognised their advantage as media and society are designed for those at the top: the stale, pale, white male. This has led to entitlement and the belief that everyone has equal access to the resources – money, time, creativity, labour - that they need to succeed.

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Smashing the Stereotypes of being an OUTSPOKEN WOMAN 28

WRITTEN BY FUR WALE 29

Not worrying about being socially acceptable is the greatest gift that we can give ourselves.

Have you ever deliberated during a conversation, on what you should or shouldn’t say, or wished you could disagree?

What about sharing your personal opinion only to be thought of as ‘emotional’, has this been your experience?

your opinion, have you ever copied the style and attitudes of the group to fit in and meet the status quo?

Speaking out can feel like a risk when you think about the possible consequences of saying the wrong thing or being

It’s amazing how hard a fully self expressed woman has to work at being heard! It can feel safer to keep your opinions to yourself and not ‘rock the boat’ or be inappropriately labeled. However, there’s a downside to editing yourself. It doesn’t leave a whole lot of room for authenticity or spontaneity.

And, those beautiful big ideas of yours remain dormant. It’s common to worry about speaking your mind out of fear of being judged or rejected. This is especially true for women. Women are often frowned upon for being “too opinionated’, when men aren’t. Terminology such as “Too opinionated” is used almost exclusively to describe women. This phrase either holds women back or has them feel like their voice doesn’t belong in the room. The belief that men are being leaders when they’re outspoken, though when women are outspoken they are globally labeled and stereotyped as emotional, or bossy, or difficult.

Insteadmisunderstood.ofspeaking

Gender stereotyping owes its origin to the gendered division of roles in the 1900’s, when women and men’s roles became more clearly defined than at any other time in history. In previous times, the place of work was at the front of the home and it was necessary for women and men to work alongside each other and share the responsibilities. As the 19th century

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Those of us who are willing to speak up and share our opinion do so because we care enough to add our point of view to benefit the whole and do so to ruffle a few feathers for a cause, not because we’re being bossy. Going from second guessing what others want to hear to not worrying about being socially acceptable is the greatest gift that we can give ourselves, and the world around us.

progressed and commuting to work became a thing, wives, daughters and sisters stayed at home to take charge of the domestic duties. The decision making was led by men. Because women were more involved in caregiving work, the characteristics ascribed to them were those of being soft, nurturing, and concerned with personal relationships. Our view of femininity is tied in with past social expectations of women being conversational and pleasant. By contrast, men were typically seen to be exhibiting strength, assertiveness and fulfilling supportive leadership roles, which influences how men have been conditioned to perceive themselves today. Being an opinionated woman can be unfavourably evaluated by both men and women. At the unconscious level, it can be perceived as a violation of those traditional gender roles. This conditioning of ‘being a good girl’, ‘don’t outshine others’ and ‘don’t be selfish and take up too much space’ is part of our internal narrative, still. Expressing yourself outside of that group mentality is tricky to navigate, it is easier to avoid being ‘too opinionated’ when what you want is to belong to the group’. It’s no wonder that speaking up is the bold risk you’re willing to take only when being true to yourself starts to become far more important than meeting the expectations of others.

Let’s empower our fellow women and remind them that they were born confident, their confidence is unique and they are supposed to take up space and share their opinions. And, we are listening.

BOOK NOW CLICK HERE www.shetalks.com.au 30

www.themyouandme.com Create a successfulsustainableand presenceonline (whatever that looks like for you) The digital landscape is constantly changing. We know how intimidating it can be. We are here to help you! For us, digital marketing is home. It’s where we’re constantly learning, evolving, and sharpening our skills. How we do it? We demystify digital marketing. We use simple and friendly words for you to understand technology. Website SearchWebsiteEcommerceDesignWebsiteMaintenanceEngineOptimization (SEO) Content Marketing Digital Marketing Coaching HOW WE CAN HELP YOU TO BOOK A FREE CHAT CLICK HERE

3 THINGS TO CONSIDER TO SHIFT YOUR PERSPECTIVE digitalspace

1. UNFOLLOW This is YOUR platform. You get to decide who comes in or not. Don’t accept everyone and don’t interact if you don’t want to. If something does not feel right, you have the choice to unfollow, without having to justify your reasons. Any reaction and emotion you have about something is valid. Your peace of mind is foremost, and you can say no to online drama, rude comments or unwanted agendas - even to unsolicited advice or feedback. Instead, become more aware and practise your critical thinking. What do I stand for, what do you say ‘yes’ to and ‘no’ to. Connect with what brings you value and ensure that the content you consume is aligned with those Recommendation:values. Identify the 5 go-to accounts that make you enjoy social media. Connect with like-minded people and follow accounts that inspire you and help you grow. You can become an ambassador of the digital space while witnessing uplifting content, kindness and respect and by sharing open-hearted conversations and meaningful insights that will serve you and impact your energy better.

2. SHARE CONFIDENTLY Be courageous about sharing what you believe in and what matters to you. Try to weaken that voice in your head which wonders what others There are many insightful conversations about selfcare, but how about self-care in the digital space? After all, it’s where we spend most of our time, amidst heartwarming content that inspires and motivates us, yet also negative content that triggers us and leaves us with that not-so-good feeling. It’s where we even feel bad about ourselves while looking at what others are doing…where people invade our space in an unsolicited manner. But, we don’t have to passively accept the unpleasant as if there is no other choice. We can start saying out loud what many of us think in silence and purposefully remove whatever doesn’t make us feel good. We always have a Howchoice.does that sound? Here are 3 things to consider about self-care online that may shift your perspective:

SELF-CARE IN THE

3. AVOID COMPARISON

www.themyouandme.com 33 will think. What if they judge me and leave rude or negative comments? Share to simply amplify your voice; you matter and what you say matters. People need to hear it. Think of the purpose of your message, and post to share, rather than to seek validation.

Comparison is an easy trap to fall into, on social media. However, it helps to remember that social media often doesn’t depict someone’s true and only reality. You never know what’s happening offline…everyone has their own story and uses their platform in a specific way/for a clear purpose. Often, a lot is happening that we don’t see. So perhaps it’s best not to assume anything or to compare yourself. More importantly, you are unique and no one has what makes you, you. Not everyone is for you and you’re not for everyone. What a relief, no? A certain freedom comes with realizing that some people will not like you. It has everything to do with them and very little to do with you. Take this liberating thought with you and speak freely out loud from today onwards.

Marie Nadal Sharma

KIND WARRIOR & COACH | DIGITAL MARKETER

Recommendation: Instead of worrying about negative people and their reactions, think about that 1 person you could impact through your words. The 1 person you could really help. There will always be naysayers and those who criticize, but you can step away and refuse to acknowledge them. Kill them with kindness even.

Recommendation: Focus on what you can bring. Be creative and provide inspiring, educational content to make a difference to whoever comes across it. When you see other accounts doing the same, learn from them, interact with them and enrich your experience through them. Yes, it’s true that social media comes with pitfalls but there is a lot of good to be inspired from. We can connect with people we would have never met otherwise. Do regular checkups and stay alert to what makes you feel good and what doesn’t. There is always something to learn about yourself from what negatively affects you. You will find yourself moving from a growing awareness to actions that encourage and support your self-care in the digital space. With awareness comes freedom. Now, take a break offline and find your own definition of self-care in the digital space before you come back to it.

SPICING

UP THE boudoir 34

I have been captivated by these quotes ever since I began the research and development of my very own sex shop, The Spicy Boudoir. Something resonated deeply within both sentiments and generated a lot of thought and discussion between myself and my partner; talking and reflecting about life and death, family, love and of course, sex.

BETTY DODSON, PHD AMERICAN SEXOLOGIST WRITTEN BY SUSAN JARVIS

DR MARGARET REDELMAN OAM “Death is the final orgasm.”

I’m not referring to ‘sex on the brain’ –wanting it, chasing it all the time. My priority as a woman in my 50s is adjusting to menopause and maintaining my sexual being (because my body isn’t always interested and sometimes my brain is not interested too). I’m referring to the role that sex has in maintaining relationships and how important it is to our humanity. It’s the social lubricant that eases friction, generates feel-good chemicals and is an expression of love - for either yourself or your partner- and it assists in maintaining relationships and is important to Sexhumanityisnotjust about penis in vagina activity! Sex comes in many forms and many orifices. Conversation is sex. Touching is sex. Taking turns to pleasure each other is sex. I believe that it really is the little things that make a difference and keeping perspective in life is one of the skills required to maintain relationships. Putting the effort in to show acts of kindness, thoughtfulness, and love on a regular basis can show your partner that you treasure them and are putting effort into your relationship. This desire to showcase love in this way is heavily influenced by my thoughts I have about the day that I’ll be without my partner or he will be without me - these thoughts bring a flood of emotion to my heart. With deep love, there will inevitably also be deep grief. This awareness of love, death, inevitable mortality and commitment to deepening relationships serves as my reminder of how important it is to make a conscious decision to live our lives embracing our sexuality and mortality. One of the ways this awareness and commitment to our partners can be executed, is to incorporate a daily routine or ritual that you choose to do with or for one another. My partner and I share a soft kiss and gaze into each other’s eyes at the start and at the end of our day. I make his coffee in the morning and sometimes his lunch. Usually, I’ll get a squeeze on the bum from behind while in the kitchen or a gorgeous, nuzzled kiss with his arms around me with a whispered ‘I love you’ close to my ear. This always makes my heart do a somersault. He’ll often iron my “What proves to you that you are alive more than sex?”

work clothes in the morning while we sit and chat about each other’s goals for the day. I’m home before he is so I wait to greet him and have a coffee loaded ready to go. At night we work together as a team to make dinner and clean up. Every now and then we sit and watch Youtube videos of our favourite music from our youth, and sometimes this leads to us getting up in the lounge room to reminisce and dance together! We commit to doing things as a team and we respect each other’s need for space and downtime. My underlying philosophy when it comes to relationships is to stay committed and remember to buffer our busy lives with laughter, regular flirting and most importantly, empathy and compassion for each other’s needs.

Sex and Death are as natural as the air we breathe. Take the time to ponder and wonder how you will feel on your deathbed; will you be wishing you had embraced your sexuality and lived your life to the fullest more? For me, I think Death will be my final orgasm - and when it comes I may not be ready to ride that wave but I will try. In the meantime, you can be certain that I am making sure that I will not be saving my best orgasm until last.

When you choose to not only have awareness of, but to also celebrate your sexuality and mortality, you begin to create a shift in your mindset, you’re setting the scene to create positive changes in your life. From the time we are created in the womb, we start to die - and our end game IS death. To balance the inevitability of death, Nature has given us sex to celebrate life, living, and love.

And yet, if you are quieter or introverted by nature you may have grown up hearing statements like, ‘It’s ok, we’ll get you out of your shell.’ Or perhaps you’ve questioned yourself as to why you don’t talk more or why you prefer space and solitude instead of loudness and crowds. However, with all this, you may just wish to be accepted and nurtured for who you are and what comes naturally.

We often hear the saying, ‘You have two ears and one mouth – use it in that proportion’.

What’s interesting is even as an adult you may still get comments and remarks on your quietness if this is who you are, and this is somehow seen as more acceptable than if you pointed out to someone with a louder character that perhaps they need to pause and think more before speaking.

Being an introvert, or a quieter more reflective character is actually a superpower.

INTROVERT IS A BEING AN WRITTEN BY LESLEY VAN STAVEREN

When you begin to accept yourself as who you are and stop trying to force yourself to be who you are not, what you begin to see is the skill of observation, intuition and active listening.

Those with the natural skill of silence have a remarkable gift when you know how to use it and this is a huge benefit in business. What it allows you to do is be fully present with your clients and when networking to build relationships. Your focus is able to be tuned into truly listening to what the other person is saying, making them feel valued, which in turn builds stronger relationships. It allows you to take in information and process it before reacting and responding and even to pay attention to your senses and what your body is telling you in the moment which normally we are so quick to dismiss or don’t even realise if we are too busy with just an outward flow of chatter. How does this apply in scenarios that demand higher interaction? It’s all about shifting your perspective and recognizing this as a strength. Have you ever been in a meeting and there’s a particular person that doesn’t feel the need to be heard every moment, they have nothing to prove…but when they do speak, people stop and they listen because they know that when this person speaks it is of value and impact.

• This in turn is more memorable for the other person and has the knock on effect of building stronger relationships.

• Speaking with clarity and direction can establish that when you do choose to share, it is always a valuable contribution to the tasks and topics at hand.

Here’s a couple of my top tips to enhancing and using the skill of introversion as a superpower Networking or social events

• Don’t think of it as flitting from one person to the next on a business card collecting mission, aim to just speak to a couple of people in a more meaningful way.

It is often assumed that someone must be a great public speaker because they talk a lot, this is not necessarily the case.

• When presenting a speech or addressing a room, the gift of pause, thought, getting to the point and speaking for the benefit of those listening are what will make you a great speaker. When you start to embrace that your introverted self and this way of being, you will stop trying to force yourself to be louder when it’s not really you. Instead focus on developing your intuition and lean into what does and doesn’t feel right, then listen to it and act on it.

• Make notes as you go along throughout the meeting with what you want to cover so when it comes to your chance to speak, you are able to do so clearly and concisely.

lesleyvanstaveren.com.au | lesley@lesleyvanstaveren.com.au

If you are someone who is reserved by nature, it’s possible that the thought of being at an event where you have to engage with multiple people on a surface level may drain you.

Public speaking

• Come prepared with more interesting questions to ask, and then simply practice active listening and be present.

Meetings Perhaps you feel like you can’t speak up in meetings and people will talk over you.

If someone talks a lot just for the sake of having their voice heard Vs being able to get their message across clearly and concisely, this doesn’t actually benefit anyone listening.

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By Becky Paroz Speaker | Mentor Author Project Manager

I am aware I don’t look sick. I make an extra effort some days to not look sick. But I am. All the time. Every day, every hour, second. All. The. Time. If I’d been diagnosed with Cancer, generally speaking, I’d have help groups, support groups, career attention, friends rushing to do nice things for me, and a whole lot of understanding that my life was about to change. But I don’t. I have another invisible illness that compromises my immune system, causes organ disruption and potential failure, affects my skin, my hair, my ability to produce tears and saliva, will need long-term care, and needs extreme treatment with a chemo-like drug. You’d think you would have heard of something this dire. And you have. But when I tell people what I have been diagnosed with, I am generally not given understanding, empathy, and concern, or a care package specifically designed for my condition. I receive confusion, rudeness, and misunderstanding. I am greeted with indifference, a lack of comprehension, and dismissal. As far as I know, there has never been a HallMark moment for Rheumatoid Arthritis. Or Fibromyalgia. Or Osteoarthritis. Because, I don’t look sick. Because, that’s an old person’s disease. Because, I haven’t been represented in a popular movie with an inspirational story, love interest and dramatic soundtrack, explaining that I might not make it. Because, some days the pain is worse, and some days, it isn’t that bad. Because, I can’t predict symptoms on a regular basis that change with weather, stress, diet, air quality,

I DON'T LOOK SICK STOP TELLING ME 40

I have been experiencing the debilitating effects of Rheumatoid Arthritis since I was aged 18, and likely before then as undiagnosed juvenile arthritis. I have lived for years with a level of pain each day, and still had to get to work, look after myself, shop, shower, and practice self-care.

I have lived for years letting friends down when I have to cancel because the pain is too much, heard friends mock me for being in pain, lived through being abused by friends because I change my mind and blame “some stupid disease they don’t even know is real for young people”. No one has ever given me a care package because of my diagnosis: offered to cook, clean, mow my lawn, or take on any household burden as a result of my diagnosis.

There is a shame attached to the idea of being ‘old before our time’ that as a woman this disease elevates to a whole new level. Because it’s not relatable, visual, dramatic, and it is awkward, uncomfortable, and tricky. How dare you “catch” something that causes you to become deformed? How unfeminine. How unlucky. How ungraceful. Arthritis distorts and deforms joints, creates angry red spots and blotches on flare-ups; makes skin peel, blister, and look like fungus; causes gums to peel back and eyes to lose vision early; twists spines, fingers, toes, and bodies. It makes the smallest of bones an area of excruciating pain and grows fatigue from the slightest inflammation.

SLE or ‘Lupus’ is the disease that is likely to have led to the werewolf mythology, as it causes skin to recede away from the skull (particularly gums and eye-sockets), as well as contributes to other organ damage and failure. But you don’t see it. It happens over time, slowly, painfully, incrementally, so that it isn’t noticed. And because the symptoms come and go inconsistently, you can have a good day, followed by a bad day, followed by Ian-in-between-day.amsurearthritisisn’t the only “invisible illness” that has unseen, but extensive, impacts on the person diagnosed. It’s just the one I am used to. My mother has schizophrenia. So please, when you hear of someone with an invisible illness, or recently diagnosed with something you can’t physically see, please don’t tell us we don’t look sick. It’s not the compliment you think it is. It is erasing. It is diminishing, dismissive, and denies us the ability to express our discomfort. It reduces the importance of our requests when we ask to get our needs met.

There are over 200 types of arthritis identified today, and it is a disease that affects women of any age to a greater percentage than it does men. So why isn’t this disease the subject of heart-rending books, and angstridden movies that twist your heartstrings?

Actually, why don’t we hear about this disease and support measures for our friends upon diagnosis if it’s that frequent and prevalent? Because it’s an ugly disease. It doesn’t lend itself well to the romance of a tragic ending (I am not saying that Cancer does either, but overwhelmingly the movies and tropes that involve that disease misuse and misrepresent the effects and focus on the “tragedy” and “romance” of love-during-treatment).

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sleep quality, exercise.

Becky has 20 years experience in business with clients expanding worldwide. She is passionate about providing a broad range of services for women to succeed in maledominated industries. 41

SHOW UP BE SEEN& 42

WRITTEN BY LESLIE CARVITTO 43

You understand the power of imagery and how it can connect you to your audience and wider community. You recognise the more you show up in your business, the more magnetic you and your brand become. In short, you know sharing your story is essential to the success of your business. And yet, you feel physically ill thinking about stepping out from behind your business, and stepping in front of the camera. You’re afraid to show up and allow yourself to be fully seen. You’re not Thealone.first thing most women tell me when they book a shoot is some version of, “I hate getting my photo taken” - I get it. Being in front of the camera can be a challenging and intimidating scenario. It can bring up vulnerabilities, insecurities, limiting beliefs, and your inner mean girl. But I promise you, it doesn’t have to be as scary as your ego wants you to think. In fact, it can be an empowering experience that catapults your confidence and the way you run your business. I’ve been a personal brand photographer for four years, and working with introverts, ‘Nervous Nelly’s’ and camera-shy gals has become my forte. After hundreds of photoshoots, I’ve found that it’s not the fancy outfits, a hair and make-up artist, or even confidence that makes a photoshoot go spectacularly well. It’s trust with a capital T. Trust in each other and in the process. Trust that we’ll find flow and it’ll lead us somewhere magical. Again and again, I find the images we end up loving the most, that really show off someone’s brand personality, are the unplanned moments, sparked by a tiny fleeting moment of curiosity that led us to say, “let’s give this a try.” This openness leads to images that cannot be recreated and are 100% unique to the person in front of the lens. Have I convinced you that it’s time to stop dragging your feet and book that personal brand shoot? I hope so! Here are a few tips and things to think about to help you feel confident and comfortable in front of the camera.

Lean Into Your Quirks Let go of what you think a brand photoshoot should look like (ahem- get off Pinterest!) and focus on highlighting what makes you unique and a fit for your ideal client. You don’t need to sit in front of a laptop in a stark white studio (although if you want to, go for it!) Focus on what sets you apart, and what makes you and your business original. The more you show up as your eccentric and beautiful self, the more deeply you’ll connect with the clients that understand and appreciate your gifts and personality. Have fun and go wild!

Choose PhotographerYour Wisely Do your research. There’s no shortage of talented photographers to choose from, but they won’t all tickle your fancy. Review their portfolio to make sure you dig their style. Once you’ve established that, make sure that you vibe with them as a human. Schedule an introductory call and ask questions to get to know them better. Remember, you need to feel seen and safe in their presence. This allows you to show up wholeheartedly on the day of the shoot, and that energy will reflect in your stellar brand images.

Be Prepared It’s natural to feel anxious before the shoot, but the more you plan, the less nervous you’ll be. Select your outfits and props well before the day of the shoot and create a shot list by writing down all different images you want to capture. Arrive to the photoshoot location early, and take a few minutes in your car to breathe slowly and deeply. Allow your breath to slow down your heart rate and calm your nerves. Or www.lesliecarvitto.com

Remember Your Why Focus your awareness on why you started your business in the first place. What is the deeper purpose of your brand? How do you serve, inspire and help your clients? Asking yourself these questions takes the attention (and anxiety) off of you and allows you to be in the energy of showing up and sharing what you can do for others.

Not a writer but have a book in your mind? Who you gonna call? GHOSTWRITER! 46

That chart-topping hit you just heard on commercial radio – most likely written by a ghostwriter. The latest speech given by the Prime Minister – most likely created by the professional media and communications officer who writes 90% of his speeches. What about the autobiography of your favourite sports star who has just retired? It might be their words, but I’ll bet you my bottom dollar they didn’t slug away on the computer in between training sessions to get that bad boy published. They hired a ghostwriter. With the vast amounts of copy being produced by top business leaders around the world, you can bet a large percentage of those posts are written by ghostwriters, who take a fee for their work, but have none of the credit, no matter how amazing it is.

isGhostwritingallaroundyou.

How did you not know this before? Because of the secret code that binds all ghostwriters. It is our job to work behind the scenes to bring the project to life without giving any hints to the outside world. In the world of a ghostwriter, the ownership of the completed work is transferred to the person who commissions the work. Occasionally they might get a mention as a “research assistant” or “contributor” or perhaps given a little nod in the acknowledgement pages of a book, but for the most part, the job of a ghostwriter is to be as invisible as a ghost - really, there’s no play on words working here at all.

WRITTEN ROXANNEBYMCCARTY-O'KANE 47

The best part of hiring a ghostwriter is that it frees you up to do what you do best! Instead of ending up in a Mexican stand-off with your computer because you aren’t sure what to include or even where to begin, you can focus on building or diversifying your business, networking to strengthen your connections or planning how you will leverage your book once it is published.

But far from being something that only those in celebrity circles can access, ghostwriting for books is becoming more commonplace for those who have a wealth of knowledge, but no time to get it down on paper. Or for those who have an incredible personal story that will change lives of the people who read it, but they have uncertainty around how to structure or create flow within the book.

I have been a storyteller since 2007 when I embarked on a career in print journalism and have been ghostwriting books for the past five years. When you find a talented ghostwriter, they nail the tone of the voice of the author, they include turns of phrase used in their everyday speech and create an engaging book that readers can’t put down.

I know you have thought on more than one occasion that you have an engaging story within you. That you want to share your life or the things you have learned with the world to make it a better place. But so far, your dream has remained just that – a fantasy. Without action, that is all it will be.

If you do decide to take the leap and write your own book, there are three core components - all of which are covered in my book The Mindful Author - that are vital to set you on the path for success in your writing journey. 48

1. Authenticity In this era when everyone’s BS radars are finely tuned, readers can smell insincerity a mile away. Be brave enough to step up and share this authentic story, never feel like you have to be a Brene Brown or Brendan Burchard clone in order to be taken seriously – there are people out there who need to hear your story in your words!

2. Connection Connection lies at the core of every book that has shaped who you are over the years. The key is to create a book that connects as strongly with your core message, values, and beliefs as it does with your readers’. When you do this, they will feel like they know you and this leads to trust. Connection to yourself, your story and your audience is key.

3. Transformation Becoming an author is about so much more than simply slapping words between two covers – those who can align their personal story with their business goals have the potential to unlock new opportunities. The potential to leverage your book to become an industry commentator, a renowned leader, a sought-after consultant, and even a speaker on a global scale is limitless –you can take it as far as you want to. 49

Dive into the pages of The Mindful Author and start to imagine what it will feel like when you’re holding your It’s time to IGNITE YOUR VISION, WRITE YOUR BOOK and get it right, the first time! Grab The Mindful Author The world is waiting for you!

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