Shell museum to hold next lecture

The Bailey-Matthews National Shell Museum on Sanibel is continuing with its annual lecture series, which is offered virtually via Zoom and free of charge The next lecture in the series will be:

∫ July 13 at 5:30 p

Conservation, Curation, and Research” with Dr Norine Yeung, malacology curator for the Bernice Pauahi Bishop Museum in Honolulu, Hawaii

The Hawaiian Islands support a spectacular biodiversity of land snails with at least 759 species with distinctive evolutionary, ecological and cultural legacies that play an important role in understanding land snail evolution and geographical distribution Hawaiian land snails’ extraordinary endemicity (species present only on the islands) of higher than 99% is rivaled only by the scale of local extinctions

Art Stevens Shell Shocked

I wrote up a résumé w h i c h i s s o m e t h i n g I hadn't had to do in years I exaggerated my managerial experience as you would too I cited my volunteer work on senior citizen bocce and shuffleboard leagues In reality, m y p r i n c i p a l d u t y h a d been to wipe off the bocce balls and polish the shuffleboard pucks to make sure they slid effortlessly across the courts

I exaggerated these duties in the resume I wrote by claiming I personally was the CEO of the two leagues and was responsible for the operating budgets The only budget I had been responsible for was counting out the change from the pizza orders Nonetheless I submitted my résumé

To my astonishment I got a call one day inviting me for an interview for the high-level executive position being advertised I put on my IRS audit outfit and found myself at the super fancy law offices of Caruso and Valentino.

I waited in a posh reception room and in no time at all a buxom receptionist said, “Mr Caruso will see you now ” Mr Caruso was a well-dressed attorney wearing an Armani sharkskin suit It was so shiny that I could see my own reflection in it He asked me to be seated and gave my résumé a quick look

He then looked at my suit and said, “I see you've been audited by the IRS ” I laughed nervously and he said, “welcome to the club ” I felt more at ease immediately He then said “You may be the person we're looking for Your bocce management skills may qualify you for this position.”

I was beginning to warm up to Mr Caruso “Can you tell me about the job?”

He looked me square in the eye and said “You must understand that our conversation today is strictl y c o n f i d e n t i a l r e g a r d l e s s o f i t s o u t c o m e Understood?”

“Yes sir, Mr Caruso,” I said

“Tony Please call me Tony ”

“Sure, Tony,” I said agreeably

“Okay,” Tony began “You're probably aware that Whitey Bulger, our previous leader, has been taken from us and is now enjoying all the benefits of eternal life in hell With ten bullets and twenty knife wounds he graciously left his longtime executive position from the organization he headed for many years To put it another way, he is now on a long involuntary vacation ”

“Yes,” I said “I saw that some time ago on the TV news But what does that have to do with the position you advertised about?”

Caruso lit a Turkish cigarette and inhaled deeply “We're looking for someone to replace him as head of his organization ”

At first, I thought he was joking and would now begin describing the actual position he was interviewing me for But his face remained impassive and frozen My stomach began to churn

He continued “We're looking for a next generation executive who can pick up the pieces and reorganize what is now an old and tired crime syndicate into a slick and modern mob We're looking at you to lead us

See JOB, page 23

During the past 15 years major steps in study and research have helped bridge knowledge gaps hampering conservation A change in public perception about snails is also necessary for their survival Yeung will present an overview of what remains and suggestions for what is needed to develop effective conservation strategies for the future of land snails in Hawaii

Yeung has been malacology curator at the Bernice Pauahi Bishop Museum since 2015 She is also a Natural Area Reserves commissioner for the Department of Land and Natural Resources in Honolulu Yeung has been involved with Hawaiian land snail conservation, research and publication for over a decade She earned her Bachelor of Science, Master of Science and Ph D in zoology at the University of Hawaii at Manoa

Shell museum Executive Director Sam Ankerson will snails provide the introduction for the lecture, along with an update on the museum post-Hurricane Ian

Advance registration is required

F o r m o r e i n f o r m a t i o n o r t o r e g i s t e r , v i s i t https://www shellmuseum org/online-lectures

The Bailey-Matthews National Shell Museum is at 3075 Sanibel-Captiva Road, Sanibel

Shell Find

Alphabet cone found on Captiva

Ty Cuckovich, 7, of Lordstown, Ohio, found an alphabet cone on June 26 at about 11 a m near Sunset Captiva on Captiva He found the shell while using goggles and diving near the shoreline His father, Rick Cuckovich, reported that the family frequents the island at least two times a year and this was the first time that they had been back since Hurricane Ian It was Ty's 15th trip to SanibelCaptiva, and he loves to snorkel and look for shells. He recently learned what to look for in shells and was lucky to find the alphabet cone “He is very proud of his find and plans to display it in his room,” his father added To report a shell find, c o n t a c t 2 3 9 - 4 7 2 - 1 5 8 7 o r trepecki@breezenewspapers com

PHOTO PROVIDED

Lee Health to offer self-management programs

Lee Health's “It’s All About You” a self-management resource program with the SMRC is offering the following research-based virtual programs for free to the community:

Chronic Pain Self-Management Program stand the benefits of exercise; manage symptoms of stress, pain and fatigue; and make smarter decisions related to health eating The virtual workshops are held once a week for six weeks

Would you like to learn how to better manage chronic pain conditions such as arthritis, fibromyalgia, back pain, headaches and more?

Participants will receive a copy of the book “Living a Healthy Life with Chronic Pain.”

The program will be offered virtually on Wednesdays starting on July 19 from 1 to 3 p m

Management Program is designed for people ages 18 and older with chronic health conditions to help them learn ways to better manage the chronic conditions and symptoms that often accompany chronic health conditions The workshops are held once a week for six weeks T offered on Thursdays starting on July 20 from 9:30 to 11:30 a m

Participants will receive a copy of the book “Living a Healthier Life with Chronic Conditions ” For more information or to register for one of the programs, call 239424-3121

Bur ns Family Team, Premier donate to CECI

The Burns Family Team and Premier Sotheby's International Realty recently p r

Center

JobFrom page 22 in profitable crime We see great opportunities in gambling, protection, labor union kickbacks, graft, corruption, prostitution, drugs, and jay walking.

“We need someone who can control the local law enforcement agencies as Whitey used to do in his heyday We need someone who is not afraid to use black- reported that the CECI is grateful for the support during its post-Hurricane Ian rebuilding CHILDREN'S EDUCATION CENTER OF THE ISLANDS

Texas youth group assists F.I.S.H.

F I S H o f S a n i b e lCaptiva reported that 16 high schoolers from St L a u r e n c e C h u r c h , i n Southlake, Texas, assisted it last month as part of their mission trip to help with Hurricane Ian relief s e r v i c e p r o j e c t s T h e y spent the day collecting, s o r t i n g a n d a s s e m b l i n g b a c k - t o - s c h o o l s u p p l i e s f o r F I S H ' s B a c k t o School drive, which will begin distribution at the end of July The youth g r o u p a l s o h e l p e d s o r t a n d o r g a n i z e t h e f o o d p a n t r y F I S H a d d e d that donations are being accepted for the school drive

F I S H OF SANIBEL-CAPTIVA mail, extortion and name calling as vital weapons in his management style My recruitment committee is impressed with what you've been able to achieve in your bocce and shuffleboard initiatives Whitey Bulger has been a legendary figure in Boston and has big shoes to fill We think you're our man ”

I suddenly had a splitting headache and told Caruso that I needed to take a walk around the block to think about his offer I immediately went to the authorities and begged to be put into the witness protection plan no questions asked I am writing this column from somewhere in the world The only hint I will give you is that I don't want anyone to tie me kangaroo down, mate

Art Stevens is a long-time columnist for the Sanibel-Captiva Islander His tonguein-cheek humor is always offered with a smile