The Pulse - Vol. 8, Issue 18 by Brewer Media Group

FREE • NEWS, VIEWS, MUSIC, FILM, ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT • May 5, 2011 • VOLUME 8, ISSUE 18 • WWW.CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM

The Pulse | Volume 8, Issue 18 | May 5, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

PULSE BEATS 4 SHRINK RAP 7 ON THE BEAT 12 LIFE IN THE NOOG 23 ASK A MEXICAN 30

MAY

2011

ontents C

VOLUME 8, ISSUE 18 • CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM

“In the process of letting go, take a moment to imagine what might be waiting to come into your life.”

— Dr. Rick on the process of letting go.

“The notion that everyone is ‘Mexican for a Day’ on Cinco de Mayo shines through salt-rimmed margaritas, avocado salsas, and Latin rhythms.”

— Tara V on the history, present and culinary future of Cinco de Mayo.

“The Honest Pint will be the place to go on Saturday if you’re looking for a good time that helps out the cause.”

— Dave Castaneda on a series of musical benefits this weekend.

“The clichéd opening follows its plot to its foregone conclusion. There aren’t many surprises, few interesting characters, and lots of trains.”

— Film critic John DeVore on a bone-dry Water For Elephants.

www.chattanoogapulse.com | May 5 2011 | Volume 8, Issue 18 | The Pulse

NEWS Chattanooga’s Weekly Alternative President Jim Brewer, II Publisher Zachary Cooper Contributing Editor Janis Hashe News Editor Gary Poole Director of Sales Rhonda Rollins Advertising Sales Jaye Brewer, Rick Leavell Michelle Pih Calendar Editors Bryanna Burns, Leanne Strickland Graphic Design Jennifer Grelier Pulse Contributors Gustavo Arellano, Rob Brezsny Dave Castaneda, Chuck Crowder John DeVore, Rick Pimental-Habib Janis Hashe, Joshua Hurley Matt Jones, D.E. Langley Kelly Lockhart, Ernie Paik Alex Teach, Tara V Editorial Cartoonist Rick Baldwin Contact Info: Phone (423) 265-9494 Fax (423) 266-2335 Email Inquiries info@chattanoogapulse.com Calendar Submissions calendar@chattanoogapulse.com The Pulse is published weekly and is distributed throughout the city of Chattanooga and surrounding communities. The Pulse is available free of charge, limited to one copy per reader. No person without written permission from the publishers may take more than one copy per weekly issue. The Pulse may be distributed only by authorized distributors.

The Pulse is published by

Brewer Media 1305 Carter Street Chattanooga, Tennessee 37402 Letters to the editor must include name, address and daytime phone number for verification. The Pulse reserves the right to edit letters for space and clarity. Please keep letters within 300 words in length. The Pulse covers a broad range of topics concentrating on culture, the arts, entertainment and local news.

Pulse Beats

"Q"

“This is the same recall; the mayor’s judge threw it out and we brought it back to appeals court to hopefully overturn the ruling.”

Mayor Jim Coppinger Reflects On The Tornadoes

— Jim Folkner, on filing an appeal to the decision to invalidate last year’s recall campaign against Chattanooga Mayor Ron Littlefield.

“As we begin a new work week, it seems appropriate to look back over the last several days and take a moment to think about those stricken by the life-changing tornadoes that ripped through our community last week. It’s almost incomprehensible that something 800 yards wide, the length of eight football fields and five miles long could descend on our community and leave unimagined havoc in its wake. But as we know all too well, the incomprehensible is our new reality and many families face a new day unlike any they imagined one short week ago. “Our first thoughts were and are with the Hamilton County families that lost 11 loved ones due to the storms; they remain in our thoughts and prayers. We also remember the 28 people who were transported to hospitals, some in critical condition, as well as the more than 300 people who brought themselves to area hospitals for treatment. “Our thoughts and prayers are with you all in this time of need. The sight of the stormstricken area, whether by land or by air, is unparalleled in my life’s experiences and I sincerely hope this is something we never see again. My heart was touched by the sight of people on Thursday picking through the debris or cleaning wreckage away trying to bring a sense of normalcy back to their lives. “Hamilton County remains committed to doing everything possible to help those impacted by the storm. We greatly appreciate the quick response of Governor Bill Halsam, who toured the Apison area on Thursday along with Senator Bob Corker and Congressman Chuck Fleischmann. We appreciate the quick assurance of our elected leaders on the federal level bringing needed disaster relief aid from the United States government and the support of our local elected leaders. “We’d also like to take a moment to extend our deepest appreciation to the first responders and volunteers who

The Pulse | Volume 8, Issue 18 | May 5, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

rushed to aid those stricken at all of the storm-impacted areas. It warmed my heart to meet and thank those faithbased volunteers who showed up outside Apison Elementary School Thursday morning to aid those who worked through the night, cutting up trees, clearing roads and allowing emergency responders to aid the afflicted. “I cannot express the appreciation I feel to all those who called asking how they could help, from the district manager of one of our largest retail stores to the person I saw walking to the school with a chainsaw in hand trying to find out how he could help and everyone else who stepped up to assist in the recovery. The efforts of the business community directing volunteer efforts to the appropriate agencies as well as the funds that have been set to help the storm victims have not gone unnoticed. We are known as the Volunteer State and the evidence has been on full display since Wednesday. “Finally, allow me to say we have been challenged by weather disasters in the past, such as the Superstorm of ’93, the Easter Weekend Tornadoes of ’97 and other natural events. Each time we have been faced with adversity we have stood up, faced our challenge and rebuilt, making ourselves a stronger community in the process. This time will be no different, this recovery is continuing, power will be restored as quickly as humanly possible. “Hamilton County this week is different than it was last week. A year from now we will be a different, stronger and better community. I will do everything in my power to lead this rebuilding effort. I thank you for your support as we move forward and meet and overcome this challenge.” Sincerely, Jim Coppinger Hamilton County Mayor

News Briefs Residents recovering from the severe storms, tornadoes, straight-line winds and flooding from April 27-28 need to be alert for and report potential fraud during recovery and rebuilding efforts. Those who suspect anyone— an inspector, disaster survivor or someone posing as one of these—of fraudulent activities should call FEMA’s toll-free Disaster Fraud Hotline at (866) 720-5721. Here are consumer safety tips from federal and state agencies: • There is never a fee to apply for FEMA disaster assistance or to receive it. • There is no fee for FEMA or U.S. Small Business Administration property damage inspections. • The only ways to register for FEMA help are to call (800) 621-3362 or visit www.DisasterAssistance.gov. Or visit m.fema.gov from a smartphone or Web-enabled device. • Government workers will never ask for a fee or payment. They wear a photo ID. Watch out for middle men who promise you will receive money, especially if they ask for an upfront payment. • Get three written estimates for repair work. Then check credentials and contact your local Better Business Bureau or Chamber of Commerce to learn about any complaints against the contractor or business. • Before work begins, make sure you get a written contract detailing all the work to be performed, the costs, a projected completion date, and how to negotiate changes and settle disputes. • Make sure the contract clearly states who will obtain the necessary permits. Consider having a lawyer review the contract if substantial costs are involved. Keep a copy of the signed contract.

NEWS

Commentary & Crime

A weekly roundup of the newsworthy, notable and often head-scratching stories gleaned from police reports from the Chattanooga Police Department, the Hamilton County Sheriff’s Office, the Bradley County Sheriff’s Department and the Dalton Police Department.

• Who uses a bicycle as a getaway vehicle? Surprisingly, it seems to have worked (so far) for a man who robbed a Northpoint Boulevard bank branch last week. An armed gunman entered the building and walked into the office of one of the bank’s financial advisors. Realizing the manager was not available, he grabbed a teller and demanded money. After getting an undisclosed amount of money, the gunman fled the bank on a bicycle in an unknown direction. Officers responded within moments of the call of the robbery but weren’t able to locate the suspect. • It wasn’t that great of a week for two of Chattanooga’s finest. In one incident, a former girlfriend of a patrol officer stopped by his apartment and confronted his current girlfriend, in the process vandalizing his

apartment, attempting to steal his phone and stealing money from him. She was able to get away from the apartment but was eventually tracked down and arrested on charges of domestic assault, vandalism and theft over $1,000. In another incident, Internal Affairs investigators are looking into a report that a city officer reportedly showed up for a training exercise while under the influence of alcohol. The officer in question has been relieved of duty but is working in a non-official capacity pending the outcome of the fact-finding investigation. • It’s not every day that one runs into a naked woman while shopping. But that was just the situation for shoppers at a large retail store on Gunbarrel Road last week, when police were called on a report of an unclad woman at the back of the store. When officers arrived, they found a woman wearing only a T-shirt who was shaking and yelling loudly in an unknown language. One of the few phrases she yelled in English was to warn officers not to get close to her.

Officers with the Crisis Intervention Team were eventually able to take the woman into custody and transport her to Erlanger Medical Center, where she continued to be combative and is currently under psychiatric observation. • Response to the storm damage has been nothing short of heroic in the Tennessee Valley, but with heroes come villains. And Bradley County authorities caught four of them over the weekend. Two adults and two juveniles were arrested for looting. Wildlife officers patrolling the Dalton Pike area saw three people in what used to be a convenience store. They were preparing to move beer and other beverages that were stacked near the back door. A 22-yearold and 23-year-old man were arrested for theft and contributing to the delinquency of a minor. The two 17 year olds are being held at the Juvenile Detention Center. As a side note, Tennessee law allows judges to double the sentence range for crimes committed during a state of emergency. www.chattanoogapulse.com | May 5 2011 | Volume 8, Issue 18 | The Pulse

The Pulse | Volume 8, Issue 18 | May 5, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

OPINION

Shrink Rap

The Best Ways to Just Let It Go! A

hh, warm weather. What a great time of year to clear out the old, and find new purpose in the space that’s created. There’s newness just around the corner; waiting for an opening so it can step in and start to bloom, begin to live. I imagine the term “spring cleaning” was born out of this natural rhythm to sweep out whatever’s not needed, and to lighten up, to make room. In our day-to-day living, this manifests in, say, finally getting around to cleaning out that hallway closet, or the attic or garage. Mowing, replanting the outdoor spaces. Trees are budding, gardens are blooming. It’s time. Perhaps it’s time for something else, too. The internal spaces of our lives also need our careful attention, and spring is the perfect time for this kind of tending as well, allowing our mindfulness to bloom, to come alive. Think about yourself for a moment. For instance, think about the times when you’re at your best; think about what you’d like to change about yourself; think about what beliefs are holding you back or don’t work so well for you anymore, or are in the way of you becoming a more loving, accepting individual; think about your prejudices—against blacks? Whites? Gays? Immigrants? Your neighbor? Where aren’t you as kind as you could be? As forgiving? Or as grateful? In other words: What personal, internal deadwood are you dragging around that’s become ready for you to clear out? And in the process of letting go, take a

moment to imagine what might be waiting to come into your life that’s more joyful, more rewarding or maybe the answer to your prayers. When I give talks about relationships, self-esteem or personal growth, I say that when you let go of the one unhealthy relationship in your life, you are then free to turn in another direction, and open your arms to welcome the 10 healthy relationships that have been waiting in line to meet you. They’re there, just as surely as winter steps aside for spring. And they’re relationships of all kinds—with people, things, and situations. That which no longer serves you, from the dust in the attic to the unhealthy partnership, from the weeds in the yard to the abusive work situation, from the guilt that burdens you to the fears that hold you back, must, at some point, be swept aside in order to make room for the exciting, new, healthy changes that await you. And we all have something to clear out! This is about your two worlds: external and internal. There’s excess “stuff” around you and excess “stuff” within. This is the perfect time, because it’s spring and because there’s no time like the present. Take a deep breath. Take stock. It’s time. This season I invite you to sit on the back deck with a cool glass of tea, and meditate on the following: • What am I holding onto that I need to release? • Why is it hard for me to let go? • Where did I learn about holding tightly versus

Dr. Rick

letting go freely, and does this still serve me? • What would I welcome into my life right now? • What kind of space do I need to create in order to have what I truly want? • How will I create that space? Until next time, I’ll leave you with these words from Reverend T.D. Jakes: “When people can walk away from you: let them walk. It just means that their part in the story is over. And you’ve got to know when people’s part in your story is over so that you don’t keep trying to raise the dead. You’ve got to know when it’s dead. You’ve got to know when it’s over.

“In the process of letting go, take a moment to imagine what might be waiting to come into your life that’s more joyful, more rewarding or maybe the answer to your prayers.” If you are holding on to past hurts and pains... If someone can’t treat you right, love you back, and see your worth... If you are holding on to thoughts of revenge... If you are holding on to a job that no longer meets your needs or talents... If you have a bad attitude.... If you judge others to make yourself feel better...LET IT GO!” Dr. Rick Pimental-Habib, Ph.D., is a psychotherapist, minister, and educator, in private practice in Chattanooga, and the author of “Empowering the Tribe” and “The Power of a Partner.” Visit his web site at www.DrRPH.com

www.chattanoogapulse.com | May 5 2011 | Volume 8, Issue 18 | The Pulse

COVER STORY

Celebrating Cinco De Mayo

Out on the town or house party—have some fun this weekend

Celebrate Ourselves with

Cinco de Mayo By Tara V, Pulse Feature Writer

With recent events oc-

curring in our region and worldwide one could imagine how hard it is to sit down and write about partying—but as we all know, sometimes these breaks are needed. May begins and we embark on a holiday that many of us celebrate but don’t know why. With many similarities to our Irish St. Patrick’s Day, the notion that everyone is “Mexican for a Day” on Cinco de Mayo shines through salt-rimmed margaritas, avocado salsas, and Latin rhythms. Our melting pot of the states gives a sense of culture that many other counThe Pulse | Volume 8, Issue 18 | May 5, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

COVER STORY

Celebrating Cinco De Mayo

tries couldn’t comprehend. For one night, one weekend, or one drink we can step away from it all to put on sombreros and bask in the sunshine that is life. In honor of that notion, I want to give you a brief history of why we celebrate Cinco de Mayo, a list of events to head to in our region, and a guide to fun recipes and music to celebrate the holiday in our own potluck of a nation. Some may think that Cinco de Mayo is the celebration of Mexico’s independence—or the invention of insanely large donkey piñatas. However, the date is actually a tribute to the Mexican Army’s defeat of the French at the Battle of Puebla in 1862. Napoleon III sent 6,000 troops to Mexico to overthrow the Mexican army and begin another stage of his French monarchy. What he didn’t know was that 3,000 Mexican soldiers were awaiting his arrival. Our friends south of the border were extremely outnumbered but still forced the French to retreat. It was a huge success for Mexico. In order to ensure his next victory, Napoleon III resent 30,000 troops to take over Mexico. The French ultimately conquered the country—temporarily. The Mexican population persevered as a people, continuing to celebrate Cinco de Mayo years after their defeat. Eventually Mexico was able to rightfully regain independence from French rule in 1867. Their faith

and courage dominated. As MexicanAmericans continue to acknowledge the day with song and dance, the commercialization of this holiday has truly made it a recognized event here in North America. (It’s interesting to note that Cinco de Mayo is now much more widely celebrated in the US than in Mexico itself.) Without all turning into history majors, let’s get down to what we are doing in the Tennessee Valley to commemorate such bravery. If you are looking for those great deals and a fiesta to remember then here is what to mark on your calendars. Trust our friends at JJ’s Bohemia not to pass up a chance for a party. JJ’s will put on the piñatas and pull out the Coronas and tequila for a Cinco de Mayo show featuring Those Darlins, The Weeks and Kingston Springs. Starting at 10 p.m., it’s bound to be one of the best places for saying “hola” to all those you know. 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400. One of our favorite North Shore establishments, Taco Mamacita,

“The notion that everyone is ‘Mexican for a Day’ on Cinco de Mayo shines through salt-rimmed margaritas, avocado salsas, and Latin rhythms.”

located on North Market Street, will once again celebrate with flair. After opening the doors just a few years ago, this locally owned gem has become a staple for enticing cocktails and modern Mexican cuisine. Besides the outdoor tents and mayhem there will be $5 El Camino or Elvez margaritas chilled in their infamous crushed ice along with $3 shots of Sauza, silver and gold. Contests will be held in the realms of jalapeno and street-corn eating and even a Dirty Sanchez mustache contest. Show off your creepy blonde mustaches and squeeze those limes in what has become an annual tradition at Taco Mamacita. For those who’ll be in the Hamilton Place area, Abuelo’s, located outside of Hamilton Place Mall, will ensure their third year of Cinco de Mayo greatness. They are roping off the parking lot to feature live music from Behold The Brave and dancing

www.chattanoogapulse.com | May 5 2011 | Volume 8, Issue 18 | The Pulse

COVER STORY

Cinco De Mayo

with DJ Scuba Steve. Steak and chicken fajitas will sizzle, while a full menu is available inside the restaurant. In speaking with manager, Rita Waters, she informed me of a special tequila that would be debuting under the name of Cuestion. Cuestion Tequila is based out of Nashville. Their Blanco styling was recently awarded Gold Medal Winner at the 2011 San Francisco World Spirits Competition, and their other varieties took respective placementbased categories as well. You can get more information about this regional Cuestioner of life by heading to www.cuestionspirits. com. The outside party will entertain $2 16-oz. brews and a new brand of Margaritaville Spiked Tea and Lemonades arriving in a 24-oz. can for only $4. Koozies are optional. For family fun (and tiny dog enthusiasts) everywhere, Thursday will also host the fourth annual Running of The Chihuahuas. I was fortunate enough last year to step into this spectacle and must admit I had never seen so many cute dressed-up little-bitty doggies. This is a free event held at the First Tennessee Pavilion and competition will begin at 5 p.m. This year will be even bigger, and for the first time host musical acts, Hot Chelle Rae, a pop/punk band

The Pulse | Volume 8, Issue 18 | May 5, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

out of Nashville and power/pop players We The Kings out of Florida. We The Kings are making a special trip to Chattanooga to support the Red Cross as they remember those devastated in the region. They were last in town while playing a show in North Georgia with Colbie Calliat. Spectators and contestants alike can join together and find out who will be crowned 2011â&#x20AC;&#x2122;s fastest Chihuahua. To register your pooch or find out more about the event itself, visit www. hits96.com. Heading into the weekend will be Sangria on The Southside, backed by a leading connector to our Latin and Hispanic neighbors, La Paz. On Friday May 6, from 7 p.m. to 11 p.m., you can head over to The Mill at 1601 Gulf Street to connect yourself with Latin culture at its best. There will be unique dancing from the professional flamenco dance group, Calo Gitano, out of Atlanta. Authentic Mexican food will entice the senses and of course there will be plenty of cerveza and sangria on hand. The benefit will support La Paz and continue their mission of Latin empowerment and education into our community. For more info on La Paz or how to purchase tickets, visit www.lapazchatanooga.org House parties are also becoming more

COVER STORY

Celebrating Cinco De Mayo

popular and as we become more aware of the hazards of drinking and driving while also wanting to show off the new HDTV, it becomes obvious some may stay off the streets on this holiday. I wanted to provide my ultimate dish to bring to your Cinco de Mayo potluck or party and my new favorite margarita. We will also check out a few modern day Latin music choices. I would include movies but doubt I can list every single Cheech and Chong film. Then again, I doubt they could either. While one can always bring tacos, more chips, or store-bought salsa, the idea of having a unique dish is always appealing. Many of my culinary-inclined friends giggle at how I cook—but I know of one dish that even takes them to the bottom of the bowl.

gredients: canned Rotel tomatoes and Velveeta block cheese. Depending on your preference on the hotness or mildness, you can choose from a few different styles of Rotel canned tomatoes, but you must use Velveeta cheese. Trust me, I have tried it with cheaper or different variations. You can garnish with sour cream if you choose but the importance of at least one bag of Frito’s Scoops holds the key. This is the perfect disguise for being kitchen impaired and for procrastinators that need a quick fix before making their grand entrance. My margarita choice belongs to a woman named Lauren. You can find the recipe for Lauren’s Grapefruit Margaritas on www.allrecipes.com. The fusion of fresh grapefruit and agave syrup is only matched by a flash of color in the pomegranate seeds. Cucumber jalapeno recipes also seem to be a big hit and while I haven’t had one, I trust it is in my future. Of course as with any homemade drink, counted pours will vary. Remember that even though these recipes may stray away from local goods, there are plenty of places to buy

“Show off your creepy blonde mustaches and squeeze those limes in what has become an annual tradition.” Tara V’s Secret Fiesta Cheese-Dippin’ Love Nice name, huh? Just made that up. This party favorite has been passed down to me and now for you and the world I will share what makes this dip a hit. Two in-

your fresh fruit and veggies. Now what about music? The traditional mariachi bands are classics but modern ears might want a few other choices. Here are five bands to look into while setting the mood of your house party: Rodrigo y Gabriella, Calexico, Healdo Negro. Rita Indian, Macaco. Now go forth and toast to the lives and memories of our neighbors and all of those in history who have fallen in order to make our life even a tiny bit brighter—and don’t forget the limes.

www.chattanoogapulse.com | May 5 2011 | Volume 8, Issue 18 | The Pulse

OPINION

On The Beat

The Academy, Part One “H

oly hell,” I thought to myself. “Am I going to make it? How did I get in here? How will I ever get out? What was I thinking?!” Such drama! But these were not last thoughts; quite the contrary. They were my first thoughts, upon starting the police academy. The guy on my left was 39 years old, months from the hiring age limit that liberals find offensive but conservatives realize is sensible to prevent having 64-year-old firemen being the ones to crawl into house fires or 64-year-old beat cops chasing 18-year-old crackheads through Section 8 housing on foot as they (cops and firemen) try to reach their 25-year pensions. (Do the math; I’ll wait. Even Dennis Miller became a conservative, though his example is an extreme one.) On the other hand, the guy to my right was 21 years old and almost asleep, his head leaning against the wall. What could I say to that? The 39 year old was fired for lascivious behavior two years later and the 21 year old quit after a decade of service to become a security contractor raking in sixdigits a year, but I’m still here. Strange. In those first few weeks, though…I was forced into using a tactic I had never used before, and have rarely used since: Silence. My reasons for taking the job were personal and I’m debating on ever expressing them here (though therefore not ruling it out), but I was as nervous as a rat in a tampon factory for those months in training and I wasn’t taking any chances. (Quite ironic, since

police work by nature is a job of taking chance after chance.) I’m shy on many things: Selfpreservation, selfcontrol, self-restraint… but NOT self-awareness. I am a card-carrying smartass and I knew that going in, and I had to wrestle it down like bad Chinese food at a bar mitzvah if I was going to keep this job. You see, some people are chronically depressed, some people are socially maladjusted, and some are even bicycle enthusiasts… but I am an “asshole”, and that’s a cross almost as heavy to bear as being “stupid”…and oh, what a burden it is. If I could just keep my mouth shut and manage to not puke during the P.T. runs I may have a chance, I thought. I was unconscious on the classroom floor a week later. I was in the middle of keeping my head low when the defensive tactics instructor said, “YOU! C’mon up here. I wanna show the class something.” What he showed them was a “brachial stun”, and I got as far as asking “What’s the brach—” when I saw a bright flash of light followed by what appeared to be a distant view of the ceiling framed by faces looking down at me. It turns out they were not relatives welcoming me into the after-life, but rather classmates laughing

Alex Teach

The Pulse | Volume 8, Issue 18 | May 5, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

at me and offering a hand to help me up. Having no memory of the act of embarrassment itself I was unbothered, but I made a note that day to pass on their kindness, and have helped out every customer I have knocked out (or even down) during my career as the enduring lesson of that day. (It also looks cool as hell when properly executed, but I’m not sure I’m allowed to say that.) “OK,” I thought. “A rough start, but it’s a rough business,” and I proceeded.

“I was forced into using a tactic I had never used before, and have rarely used since: Silence.” My first boxing match was to follow a few days later, and since the academy was pursuing a collegiate crowd for presumed increases in competency in those days I wasn’t as worried about it as I could have been. During the ’60s, ’70s, and ’80s you either had to be from a family of political contributors or the size of a Clydesdale to get the job, and it’s why I never considered going into it in the past…but now, more than half of the class of 28 had never been in a fistfight over so much as an elementary-school Trapper Keeper. All that aside though, I wasn’t going to repeat last week’s humiliation and I focused. I was then paired up to box a “girl”. Awesome. (To be continued…at some point.)

When Officer Alexander D. Teach is not patrolling our fair city on the heels of the criminal element, he is an occasional student, carpenter, boating enthusiast, and spends his spare time volunteering for the Boehm Birth Defects Center. Follow him on Facebook at www.facebook.com/alex.teach

www.chattanoogapulse.com | May 5 2011 | Volume 8, Issue 18 | The Pulse

The Pulse | Volume 8, Issue 18 | May 5, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

ARTS

Feature

Have Some Laughs in a Good Cause

By Janis Hashe, Pulse Contributing Editor

ecause of the storms, last week’s Kitty Kat Ball was canceled (and will be re-scheduled). But there’s another event coming up this week for all of you looking for a way to help in Kat Dunn’s recovery: Runs With Scissors presents “LOLs for Kat: A Night of Laughs for Kat Dunn.” For those of you not familiar with this story: “Kat’s life took a difficult turn on February 22, 2011, when she suffered a traumatic brain injury as a result of a car accident. She is now in need of twoto-three months of cognitive rehabilitation therapy

we put together at the Chattanooga Theatre Centre. Steve has also appeared in every Shakespeare Chattanooga project we’ve ever done, most recently as a hilarious Benedick in Much Ado About Nothing. Kevin Bartolomucci was also in that show as the besotted Second Watchman, with one line and a vuvuzela. I have seen the RWS crew do zombie performance art, zombie commercials, and possibly my all-time favorite, zombie Bing Crosby singing with zombie David Bowie in a recreation of the classic Christmas special moment. (Me: “But Kev, David Bowie isn’t dead!” Kevin Bartolomucci: “So?”) Dakota Brown was trained as a clown and is one of most talented physical comedians I have ever seen. He played Feste in Shakespeare Chattanooga’s Twelfth Night at the CTC in January 2010, and his performance was the centerpiece of that show. Bill Bolen’s dry humor must make him a hit with his legal clients—yes, folks, in real life, he’s a lawyer. Though we should sue him for bringing that vuvuzela back from South Africa and giving it to, yes, Kevin Bartolomucci. Also appearing are local stand-ups Chad Rosser and Kristine Kinsey. This show will make a nice break for those of us really needing to get away from storm-related stuff for a while. Come on out to the CampHouse and have a few yucks for Kat. If you can’t make the show but would like to donate, please go to www.katrecoveryfund.com/3/ donate.htm

“I have seen the RWS crew do . . . possibly my all-time favorite: zombie Bing Crosby singing with zombie David Bowie in a recreation of the classic Christmas special moment.” in Texas, but her insurance will not cover the cost. We are trying to raise the money here to allow her to gain the tools to get her independence back.” The amazing Kat is back at work with us here at Brewer Media, but still needs the trip to Texas to make a full recovery. We know everyone is also trying to help the storm victims who have lost so much—but if you can spare an evening, this is the one to spare. I met the Runs With Scissors boys soon after my move to Chattanooga. Steve Disbrow and I worked on a political campaign together, and shortly thereafter, I drew him into my evil web of performance, as RWS became part of the “Late Bloomers” series

Runs With Scissors presents: “LOLs for Kat: A Night of Laughs for Kat Dunn” $15 8 p.m. Saturday, May 7 The CampHouse, 1427 Williams Street Tickets can be purchased at the door, or go to Brown Bag Tickets: www.brownpapertickets.com/event/171255

www.chattanoogapulse.com | May 5 2011 | Volume 8, Issue 18 | The Pulse

ARTS

Arts & Events Calendar FRIDAY

THURSDAY

“Fresh Squeezed”

New playwrights present works-in-progress. Free 7 p.m. CreateHere, 55 E. Main St., Suite 105 (423) 648-2195. www.createhere.org

Thursday

“Celebrate” Opening Reception 4:30 p.m. My Color Image Boutique & Gallery, 330 Frazier Ave. Blues for Mr. Charlie: Intersections of Race, Imagery and History 6 p.m. Hunter Museum of American Art, 10 Bluff View. (423) 266-0944. www.huntermuseum.org Bluff and Bridges Downtown Tour 7 p.m. Walnut Street Bridge, 1 Walnut St. (423) 228-0448. www.chattanoogasidewalktours.com Mystery of the TV Talk Show 7 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839. www.funnydinner.com “Fresh Squeezed” 7 p.m. CreateHere, 55 E. Main Street, Suite 105. www.createhere.org Lookouts vs. Mississippi Braves 7:15 p.m. AT&T Field, 201 Power Alley. (423) 267-2208. www.lookouts.com Celtic Women 7:30 p.m. Memorial Auditorium, 399 McCallie Ave. (423) 757-5156. www.chattanooga.gov Greg Warren 8 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233. www.thecomedycatch.com

The Pulse | Volume 8, Issue 18 | May 5, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

Chattanooga Ghost Tour 8:15 p.m. Walnut Street Bridge, 1 Walnut St. (423) 821-7125. www.chattanoogaghosttours.com

Friday

Bike to Work 7 a.m. Walnut Street Bridge, 1 Walnut St. (423) 643-6888. www.outdoorchattanooga.com Dynamo of Dixie Downtown Tour 10 a.m. Sheraton Read House, 827 Broad St. (423) 228-0448. www.chattanoogasidewalktours.com Southern Blooms Festival 10 a.m. Rock City, 1400 Patten Rd. Lookout Mountain, GA. (800) 854-0675. www.seerockcity.com Armed Forces Day Parade 10:30 p.m. Miller Plaza, 850 Market St. Born to be Wild 3D 6 p.m. IMAX Theater at the Tennessee Aquarium, 1 Broad St. (800) 265-0695. www.tnaqua.org Sangria on the Southside 7 p.m. The Mill, 1601 Gulf St. (423) 624-8414. www.sangriaonthesouthside.org Ultimate Wave Tahiti 3D 7 p.m. IMAX Theater at the Tennessee Aquarium, 1 Broad St. (800) 265-0695. Mystery of Flight 138 7 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839. “Fresh Squeezed” 7 p.m. CreateHere, 55 E. Main Street, Suite 105 Lookouts vs. Mississippi Braves 7:15 p.m. AT&T Field, 201 Power Alley. (423) 267-2208. www.lookouts.com

My Children, My Africa 7:30 p.m. Ensemble Theatre of Chattanooga, 1918 Union Ave. (423) 987-5141. ensembletheatreofchattanooga.com Fine Arts Extravaganza 7:30 p.m. Chattanooga State, 4501 Amnicola Hwy. (423) 697-3246. www.chattanoogastate.edu Greg Warren 7:30, 10 p.m. The Comedy Catch & Giggles Grill, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233. www.thecomedycatch.com The House on Pooh Corner 7:30 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, 400 River St. (423) 267-8534. www.theatrecentre.com Born to be Wild 3D 8 p.m. IMAX Theater at the Tennessee Aquarium, 1 Broad St. (800) 265-0695. www.tnaqua.org Chattanooga Ghost Tour 8:15 p.m. Walnut Street Bridge, 1 Walnut St. (423) 821-7125. www.chattanoogaghosttours.com Wide Open Floor 9 p.m. Barking Legs Theatre, 1307 Dodds Ave. (423) 624-5347. www.barkinglegs.org Ultimate Wave Tahiti 3D 9 p.m. IMAX Theater at the Tennessee Aquarium, 1 Broad St. (800) 265-0695. www.tnaqua.org Stand Up Comedy! Scott Long 9:30 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839. www.funnydinner.com Female Impersonation Show Midnight. Images, 6065 Lee Hwy. (423) 855-8210. www.imagesbar.com

Fine Arts Concert

An evening of art, music, theatre, and dance featuring the Chattanooga State faculty, music, musical theatre, and dance ensembles. Free (but donations accepted) 7:30 p.m. Chattanooga State Humanities Theatre, 4501 Amnicola Highway. Music: (423) 697-3383, Theatre: (423) 697-3246.

Saturday

2nd Annual Race To End Childhood Obesity 7 a.m. Camp Jordan Park, East Ridge. (423) 315-2126. www.familyfittogether.org Brainerd Farmers Market 10 a.m. Grace Episcopal Church, 20 Belvoir Ave. (423) 458-6281. Chattanooga River Market 10 a.m. Tennessee Aquarium, 1 Broad St. (423) 648-2496. www.chattanoogamarket.com Southern Blooms Festival 10 a.m. Rock City, 1400 Patten Rd. Lookout Mountain, GA. (800) 854-0675. www.seerockcity.com HubFest 11 a.m. Heritage Park, 1428 Jenkins Rd. Art till Dark Noon. 40 Frazier Ave. (423) 413-8999. www.arttildark.com

ARTS

Arts & Events Calendar

SATURDAY

Scott Long

“Bi-polar comedy” with the nationally known stand-up. $12 10:30 p.m. The Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 266-6202. www.funnydinner.com Global Marijuana March 1 p.m. Miller Park (downtown). (423) 596-4422. www.globalmarijuanamarch.ca My Children, My Africa 2 p.m. Ensemble Theatre of Chattanooga, 1918 Union Ave. (423) 987-5141. ensembletheatreofchattanooga.com The House on Pooh Corner 2:30 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, 400 River St. (423) 267-8534. www.theatrecentre.com “Tell Me Something Derby” Kentucky Derby Party 3:30 p.m. Blue Water Grille, 224 Broad St. (423) 624-6144. www.bluewaterchattanooga.com Do the Derby Chattanooga Style 4:30 p.m. Loose Cannon Studios, 1800A Rossville Ave. www.kidsontheblock.net Mystery at the Nightmare Office Party 5:30 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839. www.funnydinner.com Born to be Wild 3D 6 p.m. IMAX Theater at the Tennessee Aquarium, 1 Broad St. (800) 265-0695. www.tnaqua.org

SUNDAY

Chattanooga Football Club vs. Jacksonville Utd. FC 7 p.m. Finley Stadium, 1826 Carter St. www.chattanoogafc.com Bluff and Bridges Downtown Tour 7 p.m. Walnut Street Bridge, 1 Walnut St. (423) 228-0448. www.chattanoogasidewalktours.com “Fresh Squeezed” 7 p.m. CreateHere, 55 E. Main Street, Suite 105. www.createhere.org Lookouts v.s Mississippi Braves 7:15 p.m. AT&T Field, 201 Power Alley. (423) 267-2208. www.lookouts.com Greg Warren 7:30, 10 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233. www.thecomedycatch.com “LOLs for Kat: A Night of Laughs for Kat Dunn” 8 p.m. The CampHouse, 1427 Williams St. Saturday Night Movie with Ms. Kitty 8 p.m. Baylor School Student Center, 171 Baylor School Rd. (423) 267-8505. Born to be Wild 3D 8 p.m. IMAX Theater at the Tennessee Aquarium, 1 Broad St. (800) 265-0695. www.tnaqua.org Mystery at the Redneck-Italian Wedding 8 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839. www.funnydinner.com Stand Up Comedy! Scott Long 10:30 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839. www.funnydinner.com Female Impersonation Show Midnight. Images, 6065 Lee Hwy. (423) 855-8210. www.imagesbar.com

Sunday

Dynamo of Dixie Downtown Tour 10 a.m. Sheraton Read House, 827 Broad St. (423) 228-0448. www.chattanoogasidewalktours.com Southern Blooms Festival 10 a.m. Rock City, 1400 Patten Rd. Lookout Mountain, GA. (800) 854-0675. www.seerockcity.com Open House 10 a.m. Shuptrine Fine Art Group, 2646 Broad St. (423) 266-4453. www.shuptrinefineartgroup.com Chattanooga Market 11 a.m. First Tennesee Pavilion, 1826 Reggie White Blvd. www.chattanoogamarket.com Mother’s Day Cruise 1 p.m. Blue Moon Cruises, 301 Riverfront Pkwy. www.bluemooncruises.org Touring Kayak Clinic 1:30 p.m. Greenway Farm, Lake Resort Terrace. www.tnaqua.org The House on Pooh Corner 2:30 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, 400 River St. (423) 267-8534. www.theatrecentre.com My Children, My Africa 6:30 p.m. Ensemble Theatre of Chattanooga, 1918 Union Ave. (423) 987-5141. ensembletheatreofchattanooga.com Greg Warren 8 p.m. The Comedy Catch & Giggles Grille, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233. www.thecomedycatch.com Chattanooga Ghost Tour 8:15 p.m. Walnut Street Bridge, 1 Walnut St. www.chattanoogaghosttours.com

Mother’s Day at the Chattanooga Market

Take Mom out for a stroll at the newly reopened Market. Free 11 a.m. - 4 p.m. First Tennessee Pavilion, 1826 Reggie White Blvd. (423) 648-2496, www.chattanoogamarket.org

Monday

Bluff and Bridges Downtown Tour 7 p.m. Walnut Street Bridge, 1 Walnut St. (423) 228-0448. www.chattanoogasidewalktours.com

Tuesday

Odyssey 2011 Luncheon & Awards Ceremony Noon. Chattanooga Convention Center, 1150 Carter St. (423) 756-0001. www.cglaonline.com Songwriter’s Line-up 7 p.m. The CampHouse, 1427 Williams St. (423) 702-8081.

Wednesday

Dynamo of Dixie Downtown Tour 10 a.m. Sheraton Read House, 827 Broad St. (423) 228-0448. www.chattanoogasidewalktours.com Main Street Farmers Market 4 p.m. Main St. at Williams St. www.mainstfarmersmarket.com Jewish Film Series: The Matchmaker 5:30 p.m. Jewish Cultural Center, 5461 N. Terrace Rd. (423) 493-0270. www.jewishchattanooga.com www.chattanoogapulse.com | May 5 2011 | Volume 8, Issue 18 | The Pulse

MUSIC

Feature

Music for Storm Relief By Dave Castaneda, Pulse Music Writer

ednesday, April 27th is a day that will forever change the face of the Southeast. The rounds of tornados have left countless people in homeless situations or worse. Electricity has gown down for thousands of people and families are struggling for food and water. Lives have been changed forever and now more than ever, your neighbors need your help. Of the areas most affected by the storm, Tuscaloosa and Ringgold are now practically gone because of the tornados. It is a disaster that is devastating and I think I can speak for everyone when I say that I wish there was more I could do to help. Luckily, there are many ways you can help if you just go out on a Saturday night. If you are not free to attend any of these happenings this weekend, there are always different ways you can give back. Even though we all lead busy lives there are some people in the community who are making a difference through music and arts to help raise awareness about local charities in this dire time of need. Strat Parrot has helped set up an aggregated site of all the different communities and volunteering opportunities available in the area at www. chattanoogaareadisasterrelief.com. What people need the most of right now are water, clothes, and non-perishables.

concert is co-sponsored by Triple 7 Studios and they will be hosting a silent auction to help raise funds for the tornado relief fund. So far confirmed for entertainment are The Bowsters, Ashley and The X’s, and Gabriel Newell. Owner Matt Lewis says, “This is a really good way to get people together who wanted to volunteer but just couldn’t find the time to do it and [who still] want to make a difference.”  If that’s not enough to get you down to The Pint, then guess what? They will be serving that delicious Terminal beer all night long and all sales from these kegs will go straight to the Red Cross. Honest Pint will be taking cash and credit card donations at the door. At the end of the show, Honest Pint will make a matching donation with the door. Bring any nonperishable food items or clothes and the venue will donate them to United Way.

“Honest Pint will be the place to go on Saturday if you’re looking for a good time that helps out the cause.” The Honest Pint, 35 Patten Parkway. 6 p.m. Saturday, May 7. Honest Pint will be the place to go on Saturday if you’re looking for a good time that helps out the cause. Proceeds from this benefit concert will go to the Red Cross. This

Village Sports Bar, 96 Feldstone Village Drive, Rock Spring, GA. 4 p.m. Saturday, May 7 For those people out in Georgia looking for some fundraising activities, Village Sports Bar is hosting a, “Neighbor to Neighbor” benefit for Walker County storm victims. The bar will have a truck at the location taking any donations of non-perishable food items, water, clothes, and so forth. Bounty Hunter and The Buckner Brothers will be performing and all the money raised will go towards

The Pulse | Volume 8, Issue 18 | May 5, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

helping victims of the storm. This will be a great event to attend for those who live in the Ringgold, Dalton, and Rossville areas that were deeply affected by the storm. Make sure to support your local community if you’re in the area. NightMoves with Jillionaire, 412 Market Street. 10 p.m. Saturday, May 7 Chattanooga’s monthly dance music night returns with the summer grooves to kick off the summer season just right. The NighMoves crew will be having a Red Cross donation bucket at the show and also be taking clothes and non-perishable food items at the show. They will host a 50/50 raffle as well and donate the proceeds from the raffle to The Red Cross. This month’s headliner, Jillionaire, comes all the way from Trinidad and will be presenting the fresh Caribbean sounds into your ears. He has previously teamed up with M.I.A., Switch, Major Lazer and can be found on Diplo’s record label, Mad Decent. In producing and DJing for more than 15 years, Jillionaire has created a unique sound that mashes indie dance and house with Caribbean rhythms and dancehall. In addition to being a production powerhouse, he has frequently acted as an international consultant for other artists, record labels, and blogs. Jillionaire has been a correspondent for various television shows, including Making Tracks, a documentary on National Geographic Music.

MUSIC

Ernie Paik's CD Reviews

The Feelies

Little Bang Theory

(Bar None)

(frankpahl.com)

Here Before

In Aldous Huxley’s dystopianfuture novel Brave New World, he introduced “feelies” as movies with the sensation of touch, a response to the way “talkies” were replacing silent films in his current day. Named after Huxley’s fictional invention, the New Jersey band The Feelies released its latest album, Here Before, 20 years following the previous one. The future, it turns out, wasn’t dark, evolved and advanced for the group—pretty much, it picked up exactly where it left off. The Feelies’ first album, 1980’s Crazy Rhythms, is an undisputed, singular classic with a simultaneously chilly and jittery mood, and it established the manic, strum-happy style associated with the band and demonstrated its penchant for building long passages that finally erupt with rapturous releases of energy. On its next three albums, the group mellowed slightly and had an earthier, conventional rock sound with its Velvet Underground influence becoming more apparent. Here Before sports the same lineup heard on 1986’s The Good Earth, with the core duo of Glenn Mercer and Bill Million with bassist Brenda Sauter, drummer Stanley Demeski, and percussionist Dave Weckerman. The opening lines of the album, on “Nobody Knows,” express self-referential doubt, and the band’s stylistic suspended animation is even broached with the line, “Nobody says anything really that hasn’t been said.” However, the uncertainty is entirely lyrical—musically, it’s an assured, sturdy effort with a genuine spark of enthusiasm. As the album proceeds, there isn’t an element of surprise but that of consistency and comforting familiarity, which is fine considering that the group’s catalog isn’t terribly large. The uptempo “When You Know” hits the ground running, with a constant stream of urgent strums and beats, enhanced with several chaotically squealing guitar solos happening concurrently. Change and the future can be embraced or feared, and in The Feelies’ case, it’s actually a good thing that not much has changed.

Toy Suites and Themes

Little Bang Theory, the Michigan trio that performs and records only using toy musical instruments, captured an infectious, wide-eyed youthfulness with bright and cheery arrangements on its 2008 debut album Elementary. The follow-up album, Toy Suites and Themes, while sporting similar instrumentation as its predecessor, is equally satisfying, yet it is a more complicated affair, gently nudging out a surprising amount of emotional complexity from seemingly onedimensional instruments—such as toy pianos, bells and glockenspiels—going past their specific associations. For example, “Lullaby” is an arrangement of the song from the soundtrack of Pan’s Labyrinth, capturing the film’s unsettling, mysterious mood with skeleton-waltz percussion and plaintive tunes and counterpoint played on a melodica. “Toy Suite #5” distills a number of motifs used in the band’s modern score that was created to accompany Yasujiro Ozu’s 1932 silent film I Was Born, But…, which alternates several times between playfulness and a bittersweet melancholy, portraying the discoveries and disillusionment of the film’s schoolchildren. The outfit’s magnum opus is included, the 26-minute-long “Toy Suite #2,” which features some of the most memorable melodies on the album, conveyed with wordless singing and whistling, among the bevy of instruments. Prolific score composer Ennio Morricone’s “Carillon,” from the spaghetti western For a Few Dollars More, is covered with a rendition that recreates the distinctively dreamlike celesta introduction using glockenspiels; with ardent strums and choice flourishes of percussion, it does the original justice, even with its unusual kazoo solo—quite possibly the most impassioned kazoo solo ever recorded. “For Want of an Orange” is another original piece written to accompany a film—in this case, it’s the incredible stop-motion-animation film The Mascot by Władysław Starewicz—oddly channeling both “While My Guitar Gently Weeps” and “Oh! Susanna.” An aural playground, Toy Suites and Themes manages to capture both the joys and the bullies of childhood, and with a poignant depth, it goes even beyond the child’s playroom. www.chattanoogapulse.com | May 5 2011 | Volume 8, Issue 18 | The Pulse

MUSIC

Concert Calendar FRIDAY

THURSDAY

Those Darlins, The Weeks, Kingston Springs

Celebrate Cinco de Mayo with Those Darlins. $5 9 p.m. 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400. myspace.com/jjsbohemia

Thursday

Vinyl Night 6 p.m. Pasha Coffee & Tea, 3914 St. Elmo Ave. (423) 475-5482. www.pashacoffeehouse.com Blues Jam with Rick Rushing 7:30 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260. www.marketstreettavern.com Manafest, Natural Habitz, Brando, Take Heart, Alive for a Day 7 p.m. The Warehouse, 412 Market St. www.warehousevenue.com Open Mic Night 7:30 p.m. The CampHouse, 1427 Williams St. (423) 702-8081. www.thecamphouse.com Jimmy Harris 8 p.m. The Coconut Room at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055. www.thepalmsathamilton.com Cinco De Mayo Party with 2-n-Fro 8 p.m. The Lounge at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055. www.thepalmsathamilton.com

The Pulse | Volume 8, Issue 18 | May 5, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

Jack Corey 9 p.m. The Office, 901 Carter St. (inside Days Inn). www.facebook.com/theofficechatt Ingram Hill with Brad Passons 9:30 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644. www.rhythm-brews.com DJ “O” Mixing Up The Beats 9:30 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878. www.budssportsbar.com Cinco de Mayo Show featuring Those Darlins, The Weeks, Kingston Springs 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400. www.myspace.com/jjsbohemia

Friday

Johnny Cash Tribute Band 5 p.m. Chattanooga Choo Choo Victorian Lounge, 1400 Market St. (423) 266-5000. www.choochoo.com Ben Friberg 6:30 p.m. Table 2, 232 East 11th Street, Suite A110. (423) 756-8253. www.table2restaurant.com Jimmy Harris 6:30 p.m. The Coconut Room at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055. www.thepalmsathamilton.com Hawkboy, Romance on A Rocketship, Stay, For the Foxes, Beautiful Crayons 7 p.m. The Warehouse, 412 Market St. www.warehousevenue.com Dana Rogers 8 p.m. Palms Patio at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055. www.thepalmsathamilton.com

Verb 9 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260. www.marketstreettavern.com Jason Lyles 9 p.m. The Office, 901 Carter St. (inside Days Inn). www.facebook.com/theofficechatt Scott Mooney 9 p.m. Raw, 409 Market St. (423) 756-1919. www.myspace.com/jimstriker DJ E and Dancing 9 p.m. Bart’s Lakeshore, 5600 Lakeshore Dr. (423) 870-0777. www.bartslakeshore.com DJ and Dancing 9 p.m. The Lounge at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5005. www.thepalmshamilton.com Amber Fults 10 p.m. Tremont Tavern, 1203 Hixson Pk. (423) 266-1996. www.tremonttavern.com Those Darlins, Tony Wain and the Chain, Natural Child 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400. www.myspace.com/jjsbohemia Fly By Radio 10 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644. Karaoke & Dancing 10 p.m. Chattanooga Billiards Club East, 110 Jordan Dr. (423) 499-3883. www.cbcburns.com

Saturday

Morgan Bracy 10 a.m. Chattanooga River Market, Tennessee Aquarium, 1 Broad St. (423) 265-0698. www.tnaqua.com

Verb

Check out these Seattlebased boys. 9 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260. www.marketstreettavern.com Johnny Cash Tribute Band 5 p.m. Chattanooga Choo Choo Victorian Lounge, 1400 Market St. (423) 266-5000. www.choochoo.com Benefit for Storm Victims: Ashley & The X’s, The Bowsters, Gabe Newell, more The Honest Pint, 35 Patten Pkwy. (423) 468-4192. www.facebook.com/thehonestpint Jimmy Harris 6:30 p.m. The Coconut Room at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055. www.thepalmsathamilton.com Everyone’s Audience 7 p.m. McHale’s Brewhouse, 724 Ashland Ter. (423) 877-2124. www.mchalesbrewhouse.com John and Julie Pennell 8 p.m. Charles & Myrtle’s Coffeehouse, 105 McBrien Rd. (423) 892-4960. www.christunity.org MI & E 8 p.m. Southside Saloon & Bistro,1301 Chestnut St. (423) 757-4730. www.southsidesaloonandbistro.com Dana Rogers 8 p.m. Palms Patio at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055.

MUSIC

Concert Calendar

SATURDAY

Glowing Bordis, Lamb Handler, Formidables, Sexhead Lucy

Rock it out with Charlotte’s Lamb Handler and others. $7 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 2 31 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400. myspace.com/jjsbohemia Foundation Band 8 p.m. Fireside Grill, 3018 Cummings Hwy. (423) 821-9898. Find them on Chattanooga Chow. Zaib Khan 9 p.m. Raw, 409 Market St. (423) 756-1919. www.myspace.com/jimstriker Sweet & Lowdown 9 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260. www.marketstreettavern.com Dirty South Revolutionaries, All Rise, 40oz. Folklore, The Vivs!, Hill Street Hooligans 9 p.m. Ziggy’s Underground, 607 Cherokee Blvd. (423) 756-4786. www.myspace.com/ ziggysundergroundmusic Ryan Oyer 9 p.m. The Office, 901 Carter St. (inside Days Inn). www.facebook.com/theofficechatt The Unsatisfied CD Release Party 9 p.m. Sluggo’s North, 501 Cherokee Blvd. (423) 752-5224. Find them on Facebook

SUNDAY

DJ and Dancing 9 p.m. The Lounge at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5005. Hip Kitty 10 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644. www.rhythm-brews.com Roger Alan Wade 10 p.m. T-Bone’s, 1419 Chestnut St. (423) 266-4240. www.tboneschattanooga.com Filliment 10 p.m. Tremont Tavern, 1203 Hixson Pk. (423) 266-1996. www.tremonttavern.com Glowing Bordis, Lamb Handler, Formidables, Sexhead Lucy 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400. www.myspace.com/jjsbohemia NightMoves with Jillionaire 10 p.m. 412 MRKT Bassment, 412 Market St. www.warehousevenue.com

Sunday

Traditional Irish Music 3 p.m. The Honest Pint, 35 Patten Pkwy. (423) 468-4192. www.facebook.com/thehonestpint

Open Mic with Jeff Daniels 4 p.m. Ms. Debbie’s Nightlife Lounge 4762 Highway 58, (423) 485-0966. myspace.com/debbieslounge

Open Mic with Mike McDade 7 p.m. The Office, 901 Carter St. (inside Days Inn). www.facebook.com/theofficechatt Digital Butter with Spoon and Jericho 8:30 p.m. The Honest Pint, 35 Patten Parkway. (423) 468-4192. www.facebook.com/thehonestpint

Karaoke with DJ Randy 9 p.m. Bart’s Lakeshore, 5600 Lakeshore Dr. (423) 870-0777. www.bartslakeshore.com Karaoke with DJ Salt 9:30 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878. www.budssportsbar.com

Monday

Old Tyme Players 7` p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260. www.marketstreettavern.com Big Band Nite 8 p.m. The Coconut Room at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055. www.thepalmsathamilton.com Karaoke with DJ Randy 9 p.m. Bart’s Lakeshore, 5600 Lakeshore Dr. (423) 870-0777. www.bartslakeshore.com Karaoke with DJ Salt 9:30 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878. www.budssportsbar.com

Tuesday

Open Mic Night with Mike McDade 8 p.m. Tremont Tavern, 1203 Hixson Pk. (423) 266-1996. www.tremonttavern.com Karaoke with DJ Salt 9:30 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878. www.budssportsbar.com Kyle Kinane 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400. www.myspace.com/jjsbohemia

Digital Butter, Spoon, Jericho

Another great line-up at the Pint. $3 8:30 p.m. The Honest Pint, 35 Patten Pkwy. (423) 468-3579.

Wednesday

Jimmy Harris 6:30 p.m. The Coconut Room at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055. www.thepalmsathamilton.com Ben Friberg 7 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260. www.marketstreettavern.com Prime Cut Trio 8 p.m. The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055. www.thepalmsathamilton.com Karaoke with DJ Randy 9 p.m. Bart’s Lakeshore, 5600 Lakeshore Dr. (423) 870-0777. www.bartslakeshore.com Fare Thee Well, The Waters Brothers, Go Get’em Sheriff 9 p.m. The Honest Pint, 35 Patten Parkway. (423) 468-4192. www.thehonestpint.com Nonpoint with Surrender the Fall 9:30 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644. www.rhythm-brews.com www.chattanoogapulse.com | May 5 2011 | Volume 8, Issue 18 | The Pulse

The Pulse | Volume 8, Issue 18 | May 5, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

OPINION

Life In The ‘Noog

A Royal Fly On The Wall O

nce upon a time, in a land far, far away…“Come along now, we mus-ent keep the commonwealth waiting, you know,” Prince Charles shouts back toward Buckingham Palace from an awaiting horse-drawn carriage. “Where are we going?” says the Queen as she desperately fumbles to fish a Tic Tac from her sequined clutch. “We’re going to William’s wedding,” mutters her husband, the Duke of Edinburgh. “God, Mummy, haven’t you been reading the Post?” Prince Charles chimes in. “The whole world has been anticipating this moment as if it was their very own for weeks and his own grandmother can’t seem to recall where on Earth we’d be going…bloody hell.” “I’ll never be king,” mutters Prince Harry, huddled in the corner of the forward bench seat. “Sorry, Dad, I just spoke to Sir Elton and he’s in attendance,” William gleefully exclaims as he hurries onto the carriage. “God, I hope he doesn’t play that dreadful song again,” laments Charles. “To Westminster!” the Duke instructs the driver. “It’s not Sunday already now, is it?” says the Queen. “No Gran, I’m getting married on this the happiest day in my ever-so-charmed life to the most wonderful woman in the whole entire world and all of my wildest dreams have come true,” William dreamily exclaims as he gazes up into the air. “Who?” pipes in the Queen. “Kate Middleton,” says Charles with a hum. “She’s some sort of party-flavor heiress.” “Party fa-vor,” William corrects. “You know, horns and streamers and festive hats and woolies and wonkers and all of those joyous sundries that no party should be without.” “Sounds like a bunch of bunk to me,” says Charles as he casually places his hand on Camilla’s knee. “Or a duke or anything other than a lousy prince,” mumbles Harry. “Be a dear, Harry and fetch that Tic Tac rolling around on the floor now would you?” says the Queen.

Chuck Crowder

“I’ve been bled dry in taxes my entire life to financially support lavish castles, crowns, gowns and other nonsense all for the sake of British royal tradition and now it’s payback time.” Meanwhile, at Westminster Abbey… “Daddy, I’m ready,” says Kate Middleton as her handmaidens place the final touches on her veil and make-up. “Now don’t you go mucking this up,” says her father as he paces back and forth. “I didn’t build part of—I mean—my entire fortune peddling confetti, noisemakers, deely-bobbers and other festive rubbish to every Tom, Dick and Harry in the kingdom for one of my beautiful daughters to potentially disgrace the throne again. How are we supposed to sell paper cups and napkins if you pee in the punch of high society?” “No worries, Dad,” reassures Kate. “I do love him so—even if he were a chimneysweep on the rooftops of jolly old London town.” “Don’t even saaay that!” screams her dad. “He’s the bloody King-in-waiting,

for Christ’s sake. You don’t want to end up like some Henry the Eighth cast-aside now do you?” “Oh, phooey,” says Kate. “My everso-perfectly handmade and remarkably expensive gown has popped a button.” “Listen to me,” exclaims her dad. “The entire future of the Middleton name is riding on the train of that million-pound frock, so you’d better do as a good future queen should. If someone wants to snap a photo of you in it, or even in your bathrobe should you be darting out of the palace to grab the morning newspaper, then so be it—from now on. It’s your duty as a royal. Like all Englishmen, I’ve been bled dry in taxes my entire life to financially support lavish castles, crowns, gowns and other nonsense all for the sake of British royal tradition and now it’s payback time.” Twenty minutes later, the vicar at the altar says, “Katherine Middleton, do you take this exceptionally rich, bright, handsome and uber-famous-justfor-being-royal Prince Charming—ahum—William to be your lawfully wedded husband? To have and to hold onto for dear life lest you be cast out of the palace on your soon-to-be royal behind until death or excommunication do you part— whichever comes first?” “I do,” she says. “And soon-to-be-Kingbut-now-just-a-Prince William, do you take this commoner whom no one had ever heard of until you gave her the time of day and now we want to know all about, to be your lawfully wedded wife? To have and to hold if you like, or shun for the plethora of mistresses that await you until death do you impart, I mean, part (sorry)?,” says the vicar. “Boy, do I!” he says. “Well then, by the power vested in me by God and yer Mum, I now pronounce you man and wife,” the vicar concludes. “You may kiss the bride.” And the media lived happily ever after. Chuck Crowder is a local writer and general man about town. His opinions are just that. Everything expressed is loosely based on fact, and crap he hears people talking about. Take what you just read with a grain of salt, but pepper it in your thoughts. www.chattanoogapulse.com | May 5 2011 | Volume 8, Issue 18 | The Pulse

SCREEN

Film Feature

A Watered-Down Water for Elephants By John DeVore, Pulse Film Critic

his is a review that I was a little wary of writing. Water for Elephants is a big deal for Chattanooga. It was filmed in part here, over at the Tennessee Valley Railroad Museum and other spots, and has been the talk of the town for months. There was even a premiere held at the Majestic downtown, an event so large that parts of Broad Street were shut down all day. People are proud to have Hollywood pay attention to their home, to shine a favorable light on it, even if the film is technically set somewhere else. So, what if I didn’t like it? What if the film was terrible? Do I need to at least pay lip service to an important piece of Chattanooga history? Or am I free to tear this film apart like any other bad film Hollywood releases on a weekly basis? I don’t think it matters, really. I doubt that my opinion as a bi-monthly, freelance film critic for a weekly alternative newspaper is going to cross the desk of the filmmakers. I doubt Reese Witherspoon will read this. This is a good thing, because on the whole, Water for Elephants is kind of boring. Our hero, whose name escapes me at the moment, is a promising veterinary student at Cornell. (Ordinarily, I would look up character names, trivia, and fun facts about the film to include in my review. However, I am typing this by candlelight, as power has yet to be restored to my East Ridge rental house. I have become intensely aware of my over reliance on the Internet.)

for work. Along the way, he hitches a ride on a passing freight train. This is no ordinary freight train, however. This train belongs to the world-famous Benzeni Brothers, a thirdrate traveling circus, full of toothless lions, lame horses, and drunken clowns. Our hero begins his descent into the world of the circus, learning the hierarchies, the traditions, and the darkness within its ranks. As time passes, he becomes the vet and elephant trainer. Later still, he falls for the married star, whose ringmaster husband rules the circus with an iron fist. If this sounds vaguely like a three-dollar romance novel, emblazoned with the windblown visage of Fabio as a clown seductively holding a beautiful woman on the cover, that’s because it feels like one. The clichéd opening follows its plot to its foregone conclusion. There aren’t many surprises, few interesting characters, and lots of trains. The film is based on a novel of the same name by Sarah Gruen. I enjoyed the novel quite a bit. The book suffered from the same tired clichés, the same melodramatic tendencies, and the same predictable plot. However, the plot wasn’t the interesting part. The book outlines the behind the scenes lives of circus workers, performers, and owners. It opened a world with its own vocabulary, a world with dark corners, real people, and fascinating traditions. In the film, these traditions were largely

“The clichéd opening follows its plot to its foregone conclusion. There aren’t many surprises, few interesting characters, and lots of trains.”

He is first-generation Polish, a hardworking son of hardworking parents who believe that no one can be poor in America, despite the Depression. Due to a tragic car accident, both parents are killed. Their house, it turns out, will be repossessed by the bank because of a mortgage that helped pay for tuition. With no family left and no home to call his, our hero (blandly played here by Robert Pattinson) chooses to walk to Albany to look The Pulse | Volume 8, Issue 18 | May 5, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

glossed over, or mentioned in passing, in order to focus on a bafflingly uninteresting relationship between Robert Pattinson and Reese Witherspoon. The elephant, Rosie, which was a very important character with an intriguing personality, was largely used as set dressing. Pattinson might as well have been made of cardboard in his dramatic scenes. The rest of the time, he appears to simply giggle like a 12 year old. The only interesting character was that of August, the ringmaster, and that was because he was played expertly by Christoph Waltz. There are many things that may have saved this film. It needed to be better paced. It needed less exposition, or at least exposition that was better crafted. Too often it seemed like characters were saying things that the filmmakers wanted the audience to know, rather than something the character might actually say. I will say that it was beautifully filmed. There are definitely recognizable places from Chattanooga, places that we know are unmatched anywhere else in the world. Unfortunately, the film itself was clunky, slow, and overly simple. I hope that someday Chattanooga will get its Rocky. But Water for Elephants just isn’t it. Water for Elephants Directed by Francis Lawrence Starring Robert Pattinson, Reese Witherspoon, Christoph Waltz Rated PG-13 Running time: 2 hours

SCREEN

Kelly Lockhart's New Movie Reviews

Big Hammers, Bad Date Movies...and Mel's Beaver Thor The warrior Thor is cast out of the fantastic realm of Asgard by his father Odin for his arrogance and sent to Earth to live among humans. Falling in love with scientist Jane Foster teaches Thor much-needed lessons, and his new-found strength comes into play as a villain from his homeland sends dark forces toward Earth. So much for the plot. What the real question is whether a god can stake out the same box-office territory as Tony Stark, who ruled the multiplexes in May with both of the Iron Man movies. Also, while Kenneth Branagh has an excellent reputation as a director of Shakespearean dramas, there are questions about whether he can deliver an action-based comic-book movie. Then again, many people in Hollywood had the same question about actor Jon Favreau, who not only delivered with Iron Man but has been tapped by none other than Steven Spielberg and Ron Howard to direct the eagerly awaited Cowboys vs. Aliens. And to be honest, maybe it takes a Shakespearean expert to bring any kind of coherency to this mishmash of mythology,

familial infighting, and the 27th film released in the past six months to start Natalie Portman. Stars: Chris Hemsworth, Anthony Hopkins, Natalie Portman Director: Kenneth Branagh

to Hollywood: will someone PLEASE cast the amazing Angela Bassett in something with a prayer of box-office success? Please?) Stars: Paula Patton, Laz Alonso, Angela Bassett Director: Salim Akil

Something Borrowed Friendships are trusted and secrets come to the surface when terminally single Rachel falls for Dex, her best friend Darcy’s fiancé. Oh, look, another Kate Hudson wedding-themed movie. Well, if you need a date movie this weekend and don’t think a god with a big hammer is going to impress the object of your interest, you could do worse. Stars: Ginnifer Goodwin, Kate Hudson, Colin Egglesfield Director: Luke Greenfield

The Beaver A troubled executive adopts a beaver hand-puppet as his sole means of communicating with his family and colleagues. In all likelihood, this may be the strangest film to hit theaters this year, even if it didn’t star one of the least-liked actors still working in Hollywood. For reasons largely unknown (or even unknowable), Jodie Foster decided this bizarre blend of puppet show and onscreen therapy session would be a good idea to bring to the big screen. While the online trailer has received a sizeable number of hits, so far neither critics nor test audiences seem to be able to see past Mel Gibson’s very public antics to what, in the hands of another actor, might have been an art-house smash. Stars: Mel Gibson, Jodie Foster, Anton Yelchin Director: Jodie Foster

Jumping the Broom The wedding of Sabrina and Jason brings together her uptown family and his downtown folks over a revealing weekend in Martha’s Vineyard. Oh, wait, you can do worse. (Note

www.chattanoogapulse.com | May 5 2011 | Volume 8, Issue 18 | The Pulse

WINE & SPIRITS

Riley's Spirits Within

Mixing Peanut Butter and Vodka—Top That! By Joshua Hurley, Riley's Wine & Spirits

don't miss a note - facebook.com/pulsebeat 26

The Pulse | Volume 8, Issue 18 | May 5, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

I bet by now you thought you’d seen it all. Heck, I thought I’d seen it all—but it seems like each passing week brings a new and exciting surprise worthy of becoming a Great Buy. Great Buys are included in this weekly column brought to you by Riley’s Wine and Spirits in Hixson on Hixson Pike, in which I pick something interesting from the tri-state area’s favorite selection of adult beverages from around the world, then share it with Chattanooga’s readership of The Pulse. This week’s selection is peanut butterflavored vodka. Yeah, that’s right— vodka flavored like peanut butter and it’s called Nutliquor. Nutliquor was created by a former air-traffic controller named Rich Hellner from Cleveland, Ohio. With the success of his company, Pandora Spirits, Hellner is now a successful liquor entrepreneur whose company is based in Temperance, Michigan. A vodka infusion is created when vodka is flavored with one or more other ingredients. Vodka infusions were at one time only done at home, but during the last decade, with flavored vodka sales on the upsurge, all the major vodka producers have jumped on the flavored bandwagon. The process of vodka infusion is an art unto itself. The first and most important step is combining the chosen ingredient with vodka in a steel cask, sealing it, then allowing the correct time for both ingredients to steep. Knowing just how long is the key, as the correct time can vary from hours to days depending on the ingredients or flavors used. After this step, any solid additives are removed, then the vodka is filtered to remove smaller particles. Lastly, the new flavored vodka is allowed to age further, maturing and strengthening the flavor infusion. Often, a vodka infusion is mistaken

for a liqueur. This is untrue, in that the latter adds sugar along with natural ingredients while the former only uses the natural ingredient. The correct classification of a vodka infusion would be “schnapps”. Today vodka infusions come in every flavor imaginable, including lemon, lime, orange, tangerine, grapefruit, raspberry, strawberry, blueberry, vanilla, currant, pepper, cherry, apple, cinnamon, coffee, chocolate, root beer, bubblegum, peach, passion fruit, pomegranate, plum, mango, banana, pineapple, bacon, coconut, mint, melon, rose, cotton candy—and now peanut butter! Nutliquor Peanut Butter Flavored Vodka tastes just like the center of a peanut butter cup, followed by a medium-to-light alcohol warmth around the palate. Nutliquor is 34.5 percent alc by vol, making it 69 proof and strong enough to shoot. Try Nutliquor today at Riley’s for $19.95 plus tax (750mL). Here are some quick recipes: Elvis’ Nuts 1.5 oz. Nutliquor 1/4-oz. Banana Liquor Splash of Bacon Vodka (at Riley’s) The S and M (Whipped Nuts) 2.5 oz. Nutliquor 1/2-oz. Pinnacle Whipped Vodka (at Riley’s) Shake over ice and strain. Nutliquor Martini 2.5 oz Nutliquor 1/2-oz. Chocolate Vodka 360 (at Riley’s) 1/2-oz. Heavy cream Shake and strain into martini glass loaded with chocolate syrup. Top with chocolate cream alcohol-infused whipped cream (coming soon). Garnish with one-half peanut butter cup. Nutliquor PB&J 2 1/2-oz. Nutliquor 1/2-oz. Chambord Shake and stir. Garnish with cherry.

Dining Out In Chattanooga

Conga Brings Central America to Main Street By D.E.Langley, Pulse Food Reviewer

he Hernandez family ran Taco Rio on Main Street for years before selling the establishment. When the new owners closed down recently, son Alex, fresh out of the Navy, jumped at the opportunity to bring the location back under his family’s operation. Reopening as Conga Latin Food, he brought his mother Eda back to run the kitchen, and together they began churning out pan-Latin specialties. Walking into Conga, I felt like I had somehow suddenly left Chattanooga without realizing it. The ambience feels a lot more like Los Angeles or, well, San Salvador. You can tell before you eat a single bite that the flavors you’re about to experience are going to be authentic. This is not Tex-Mex food. Crispy fried plantains, not tortilla chips, are set on the table, alongside three sauces—a peppery mango salsa, an herbal chimichurri, and a fiery green jalapeño and avocado concoction, to which I kept returning throughout the meal. All soft drinks are made with cane sugar—I enjoyed an imported Coca-Cola alongside my meal. Various Latin American beers are also available. The menu jumps from cuisine to cuisine of different Latin American cultures. Burritos are available alongside six different varieties of tacos, including steak, chorizo, and shrimp. Arroz con pollo and tortilla soup are other choices, with sides of yucca, fried green and sweet plantains, and rice and beans available. Choosing was made all the more diffi-

deep-fried until crisp. The crust could be eaten all by itself, but there’s no need for that. Mine was filled with beef, onions, raisins, and olives, combined in a delicious, savory fashion. With a slight sweet note provided by the raisins, it was amazing with the fresh-tasting chimichurri. Third on my list was a pupusa, a Salvadoran specialty that consists of tender seasoned pork combined with cheese within a masa shell and pressed and grilled. Served alongside curtido (imagine a cross between sauerkraut and cole slaw), it was a new taste for me, and I loved it. The hot cheese stretched into strings with each bite, and the hearty flavor was awesome with the curtido cutting the richness of the dairy. Lastly, I returned to the empanada, but with a completely different filling. Guava and that same stringy cheese are combined in a package that does wonders in releasing some of the less commonly noticed nuances in the guava’s flavor profile. It brings to mind apple pie with American cheese, but on an entirely different level. (Be careful, it’s served EXTREMELY fresh, straight out of the fryer!) It was an amazing finish to a meal full of fantastic flavors. Conga just opened their new patio space, and it’s a glorious spot to enjoy the beautiful days of spring. Stop in and let Alex and Eda introduce you to flavors you won’t find anywhere else in Chattanooga. Conga Latin Food, 207 E. Main Street. Open Monday through Saturday, 11 a.m. to 8 p.m. Call (423) 201-4806 for more information.

“The ambience feels a lot more like Los Angeles or, well, San Salvador. You can tell before you eat a single bite that the flavors you’re about to experience are going to be authentic.” cult knowing that everything was made inhouse, from scratch, under Eda’s watchful eye. I convinced Alex to let me try a sampler of some of their specialties. First up was a tamal, filled in a typically Salvadoran fashion with pulled chicken, green beans, green olives, and potatoes, all wrapped in a plantain leaf. It was enormous. I couldn’t believe a standard order of two of these things was less than five bucks. The chicken was well-spiced, and the total package was ideal—the masa firm, but not overly dense, with the tender potatoes and salty olives each providing their own contrasting texture. These would make a terrific quick weekday lunch. Next up was an empanada, a specialty popular across Latin America. Bready dough is wrapped around all sorts of fillings and

www.chattanoogapulse.com | May 5 2011 | Volume 8, Issue 18 | The Pulse

ENTERTAINMENT

Free Will Astrology

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): You’re an animal! And I mean that in the best senses of the word. Your vitality is heading toward peak levels, and your body is as smart as it gets. If you were ever going to act as if every move you make is a dance, now would be the time to do it. If you ever wanted to explore the righteous blending of grace and power, this is a perfect moment. Give yourself permission to be a fluid bolt of ingenious fun, Taurus. Play hard and sweet, with sublime ferocity. GEMINI (May 21-June 20): “Make the invisible dark force beautiful.” That was the first line of the horoscope I wrote for you in my dream last night. Here’s what came next: “Create a song out of your moans. Brag about your wounds. Dance reverently on the graves of your enemies.” Does any of this make sense to you so far? It all seemed perfectly reasonable and helpful in my dream. “Sneak a gift to your bad self. Dissolve the ties that bind you to hollow intelligence. Seek the angel near the funky gulley that winds through no man’s land. Dig for treasure in the muddy puddle where the single lily grows.” That’s it, Gemini—my dream of your horoscope. If you can align yourself with its spirit, I bet you’ll be primed for the waking-life opportunities that are headed your way.

Solution To Last Week's Crossword

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Writing in the Journal of Medical Ethics, psychologist Richard Bentall proposed that happiness be reclassified as a “psychiatric disorder”—a pathology that should be treated with therapy. “Happiness is statistically abnormal,” he argued. It “consists of a discrete cluster of symptoms, is associated with a range of cognitive abnormalities, and probably reflects the abnormal functioning of the central nervous system.” If he’s correct, Cancerian, you may have a problem. According to my reading of the astrological omens, you’re about to be besieged by a massive influx of good feelings. It may be hard for you to fend off surges of unreasonable joy, well-being, and gratitude. So let me ask you: Are you prepared to enter into rebel mode as you flaunt your abnormal bliss? LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Two British men, Jack Jones and Chris Cuddihy, pulled off an epic deed in 2009. They ran seven marathons in seven consecutive days on seven continents. Each marathon was more than 31 miles. (More info here: 7in7on7.com.) I’m not recommending that you try something as ridiculously excessive as they did, Leo, but I do want to note that you’re now in a phase when your capacity for amazing feats is bigger than usual. Do you have any ideas about what you could accomplish that’s beyond your expectations? VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): What have you had to relinquish in the past ten months, Virgo? What were you forced to sacrifice or surrender? Whatever it is, I predict you will be compensated for it over the course of the next 12 months. And the process begins soon. It’s not likely that the incoming blessing will bring an exact replacement for the dream that got away. Rather, you will be awakened to an unexpected new source of excitement, thereby dissolving the lingering sense of loss and liberating you to rise again. LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): If given the choice between having our lives change or keeping our lives the same, many of us would choose the status quo. We tend to feel that even if the current state of things is uncomfortable, it’s still preferable to having to deal with the uncertainty and fear that come from transformation. But I don’t think you fit this description right now, Libra. Of all the signs of the zodiac, you’re the one that’s most receptive to shifting the mood and experimenting with the rules. It’s easier than usual for you to imagine different ways of doing things. Take advantage of this superpower. SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Hugo Chavez is the socialist president of Venezuela, not an astronomer or New

The Pulse | Volume 8, Issue 18 | May 5, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

Age philosopher. And yet he recently speculated that the planet Mars once had a thriving civilization that met its doom because its resources were drained off and poisoned by the excesses of capitalism. I love it when notable people go off-message and freestyle wacky fantasies, so I applaud Chavez’s improvisation. May I respectfully suggest you consider indulging in your own version of this art form? According to my reading of the astrological omens, it would be downright healthy for you to depart from your usual raps and unveil some unpredictable self-expressions to anyone and everyone who think they have you all figured out. SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Symmetry and equilibrium are not all that valuable right now. They’re certainly not worth obsessing over or having screaming fights about. In fact, I recommend that you cultivate a jaunty knack for stylish lopsidedness. Appreciate the beauty of irregularity. Be alert for the way incongruous details and crooked angles reveal fresh, hot truths that provide you with exactly what you need. Even so-called flaws and mistakes may lead to lucky accidents. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): “It was better for me when I could imagine greatness in others, even if it wasn’t always there,” said Charles Bukowski, a generally cranky writer not renowned for his optimism. According to my analysis of the astrological omens, this strategy will also work wonders for you in the coming days. Trying to see what’s great about other people will tend to activate your own dormant greatness, and will just generally make you feel good. So ask yourself: What’s beautiful, smart, interesting, and successful about the people you know? Fantasize aggressively. AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): The income gap between the richest and poorest sections of society has always been large, but in recent years it has grown absurdly, grotesquely humongous. As journalist Les Leopold notes (bit. ly/RichEatPoor), there are hedge-fund gamblers who rake in more money in an hour than a middle-class wage earner makes in 47 years. From an astrological perspective, Aquarius, it’s an excellent time for you to raise your voice against this inequity. Furthermore, you’d be wise to dramatically shrink the discrepancy between the haves and have-nots in your own personal sphere, where you can actually have an immediate effect. You might start the healing by asking yourself how the rich aspects of your psyche steal from the poor parts. PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): There’s a good chance you will soon utter the smartest words you have ever said in your life. It’s also possible that you will generate two of the top five thoughts that have popped into your brain in the last decade. That’s how in tune I expect you to be with your inner sources of wisdom. And that’s how closely aligned you’ll be with the Divine Intelligence formerly known as God. Now here’s the surprise ending to my message for you, Pisces—the unexpected outcome: Your brilliant insights and cogent statements may tempt you to be wilder and freer than you’ve been in a long time. ARIES (March 21-April 19): Imagine this scene, as described by Seattle-based video artist Michael Douglas. “Sometimes a tree falls down in a field of cows, and the cows walk over to it and stare at it. It used to be standing and now it’s on the ground. There’s something different in the field and the cows start to hang out around the tree and watch it like it’s television, attracted to the rupture in the order of things. They gather around it for months, even after they completely forget why they started doing it.” I think there’s a comparable scene going on in your life right now, Aries. People you care about are in a daze, seemingly hypnotized by a certain “rupture in the order of things” that took place some time ago. In my opinion, it’s your task to wake them up, gently if possible, and motivate them to move on.

ENTERTAINMENT

Jonesin' Crossword — "Have A Nice Solve" Across 1 Sped in a straight line 10 Raising a lot of doubt 12 It sounds like a fruit, but it’s really a jellyfish 14 Encircled 15 Wombs 16 New Mexico art colony 18 “Just ___ suspected...” 19 Reaches 21 Series set in Las Vegas 22 Musical heavy on the percussion 24 Liquor has it: abbr. 25 It’ll get you on the bus, maybe 27 Like the highest courts 29 The world of school 31 Some T-shirt decals 32 Like 0, but not O

33 Element with the shortest name 34 Unqualified for, as a task 36 AC measurement 37 Stick that goes off 38 Apartment levels 39 ___ Lingus (Irish airline) 40 Tiger’s ex 42 Fencing swords 43 Bum, but dirtier 44 “___ M for Mature” 46 Turkish money 47 Laptop connection 53 Allowed on public roads, unlike most ATVs 54 It uses a rake and sand Down 1 “Consarn it!” 2 Krivoy ___ (Ukrainian city) 3 Concerning

4 Linguist’s non-sound 5 Close after opening 6 Teen movie franchise whose box set is titled “The Full Reveal” 7 Word before boy or fever 8 Summer, in St. Tropez 9 Juicy info 10 Disease diagnosed by dentists 11 Restaurant chain of “Old Country Stores” 12 Patricia Arquette, to Courteney Cox 13 He don’t like rackin’ frackin’ varmints 14 Installer who works with natural fuel, in Britain 17 Way-too-easy jobs 19 Barbecuers’ garb 20 John of “Full

House” 23 Their shirt buttons are on the right 26 Honorific poem 28 “Make ___ of it” 30 Meet ___ (romantic comedy scenes) 35 Suffix for press 41 Multiplayer card game with elements of solitaire 43 One of Carrie’s “Sex and the City” boyfriends 45 Where dat thing goes, in Brooklyn 46 Theater box 48 Spy novelist Deighton 49 Brain wave monitor: abbr. 50 Depot stop: abbr. 51 Digital ___ camera 52 Club ___

Jonesin' Crossword created By Matt Jones. © 2011 Jonesin’ Crosswords. For answers to this puzzle, call: 1-900-226-2800, 99 cents per minute. Must be 18+ to call. Or to bill to your credit card, call: 1-800-655-6548. Reference puzzle #0518.

www.chattanoogapulse.com | May 5 2011 | Volume 8, Issue 18 | The Pulse

OPINION

Ask A Mexican

More Mexican Than Tu Dear Mexican, Please settle a dispute. I’m an Anglo living and working in Mexico for years, in Culiacán, Sinaloa (I married one of the famous Sinaloa beauties). My Spanish is passable and I live and function in Spanish. Where I live, there are virtually no other North Americans, other than English teachers at the university. Everyone else that I know is Mexican. In every way, from television and radio to shopping and cooking at home, I live like every other culiche. I like to think of myself as sinaloense, and after all these years, my friends and family are coming to consider me…perhaps not Mexican, but not exactly an extranjero, either. I don’t claim to be Octavio Paz, but I know Mexican literature and history fairly well and love and appreciate Mexican culture (actually, I think there is more cultural difference between Sinaloa, Tamaulipas, and Quintana Roo than there is difference between Massachusetts, Alabama, and California—but that’s another subject). On the other hand, my friend from Colorado was born and raised in Denver. His Spanish is marginal and he lives and works just like every other North American. His grandparents came from Jalisco, however, and he has a Spanish surname. He has visited family in Mexico briefly once since I have known him. In every way he lives as a middle-class gabacho. The dispute is this: I am increasingly tired of him making snide comments about how I don’t understand Mexico and Mexicans. Firstly, he has never spent any time here— perhaps 20 days in his life. He has never lived here, and needs a translator when he visits. Secondly, he knows next-to-nothing about Mexican history or culture. It’s sad

Gustavo Arellano

that he doesn’t know Morelos from Guerrero, can’t tell a corrido from banda, and doesn’t know tacos al pastor from tacos Sonora. Finally, a lot of what he says seems frankly wrong. His perspective on Mexican culture seems a lot more East LA cholo than the way that my middle-class friends and family here

live and think. His response is always that I can’t understand the real Mexican culture because I’m Anglo. “It’s in the blood,” he’ll say. I reply that those are almost the exact words white racists would use to exclude him from being a “real American” and you are where you live and who you choose to be. I sure feel like I understand as much as a thirdgeneration, English-speaking kid from Colorado. Your opinion? — Culiche Gringo Dear Gabacho, You know why you’re more Mexican than your pendejo of a pocho pal? Because you’re smart enough to call yourself a culiche, what natives of Culiacán call themselves (although I’m more familiar with culichi, but what do I know—I’m just a pinche zacatecano). You also refer to gabachos as “North Americans,” a literal translation of the Spanish norteamericanos, yet another of our many synonyms for gabachos. All that said, have

The Pulse | Volume 8, Issue 18 | May 5, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

sympathy on the pocho. You yourself note you are who you choose to be, and if he wants to practice symbolic ethnicity, despite being less Mexican than a Taco Bell shell, by all means allow him! National identity is as fluid as the Pacific, Culiche, and you are the grand gabacho proof of it. Now, FedEx me some aguachile and chilorio, chingón.

“If he wants to practice symbolic ethnicity, despite being less Mexican than a Taco Bell shell, by all means allow him!” GOOD MEXICAN OF THE WEEK! A decade ago, Chicana artist Alma Lopez released Our Lady, a digital collage that depicted the Virgin of Guadalupe as a living, breathing woman wearing Her trademark green shawl but also a bikini made of flowers. It proved one of the most momentous artworks of this millennium, provoking equal parts praise and outrage by tapados. Its influence is recounted in the recently released Our Lady of Controversy, Alma López’s Irreverant Apparition, a collection of essays from Chicana scholars on the subject complete with the chingona DVD, I Love Lupe, a short documentary on how Chicana art’s constant tweaks of the iconic Guadalupe image. Essential reading for art and Chicana/o Studies freaks alike! Have a question? Ask the Mexican at themexican@askamexican. net, be his fan on Facebook, follow him on Twitter or ask him a video question at www.youtube.com/askamexicano!

www.chattanoogapulse.com | May 5 2011 | Volume 8, Issue 18 | The Pulse