ANONYMOUS, 19 YEARS OLD

DEFINING SELF-CARE

Self care is not all face masks and fancy products. Self care is saying no when you want to say yes. It is facing the things that you fear the most, and setting boundaries when necessary.

My Mental Health Story

I was diagnosed with depression, anxiety, and post traumatic stress disorder when I was 16. I suffered from suicidal ideation, self harm, and even attempted to end my life one Thursday night, sophomore year of high school. I missed school to go to the psych ward, and I feared walking into my school because of what people would think of me. I ended up having to leave high school and graduate early because my mental health was suffering so severely that I was referred to a partial hospitalization program for 13 days from 7am–4pm at the psych ward.

I lost all of my friends. I dealt with my biggest traumas which involved being raped at 15, and psychologically abused by my father for years, on top of being stalked by a classmate. Partial (Hospitalization) was where I found people who understand fearing another day alive, but it was also where I found the wonders of Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) and mindfulness practice. During quarantine I explored meditation and journaling. To this day I give it credit for saving my life.

You are not weak for asking for help. It is okay to feel the way you do. Don’t feel guilty for being depressed, no matter how good you try to convince yourself your life is. You need to feel every emotion and better understand the root of these before you move forward. There is no forgetting about your mental health. That shit will follow you wherever you run to and I know that from experience. Face how you feel and it will set you free.

I never like for other people to see me in pain, so I tend to hide my emotions. However, it can get to the point where I break down and have no motivation to do anything. In the year 2020, I went through three major life changes, as well as Covid. In 2021, I had to pack my stuff and leave the place that I knew of as home. Granted, I only moved about two hours away, but it’s far enough to where I don’t get bothered every day by friends or family back home. I love my friends and family, however I am a person that thrives when I am by myself. It allows me to focus all of my attention on me and not someone else.

Don’t take no for an answer, do what you love. 1–800–273–8255* is your friend.

*Suicide and Crisis Lifeline