Genzine Issue 5

WE ARE ON ABORIGINAL LAND.

The GenZine Collective would like to acknowledge that this zine was created on the lands of the Wurundjeri and Boon Wurrung Peoples. We pay our respects to the elders of the Kulin nation past & present, and extend that respect to any First Nations people who come across GenZine. We acknowledge that sovereignty was never ceded, that this land was stolen and no acknowledgement will give it back or right past wrongs.

We would also like to recognise that Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander Peoples, especially women or gender diverse people in Australia, continue to face social and economic disadvantage. We recognise the pain of genocide, assimilation practices, hate speech and structural disadvantage. We recognise the negative and misleading portrayals of Aboriginal peoples, as well as the omission of their voices, that has been prevalent in mainstream media publications.

We urge you to be aware of the ground you stand on, the air you breathe and the nuances of the world you engage with. We are standing on Aboriginal Land.

LETTER FROM THE EDITORS

Howdy!

GenZine is a Melbourne-based zine exploring gender equity through art and conversation. We believe living self-reflective lives means examining the structures and ideas we inherit, including ideas around gender and sexuality.

GenZine delves into the struggles, joys and questions stirred up living in a gendered world. We believe that sharing our imaginative & honest approaches to these issues can open up new ways of being and connecting in divided times.

GenZine’s been poppin’ OFF in 2023. So far, we’ve collaborated with Brimbank Youth Arts as part of the Brimbank Writers and Readers Festival to run a Half-Baked Open Mic Night; held an Art & Social Justice Circle at Phoenix Youth Centre; participated in Grill’d’s Local Matters program; attended a BUNCH of forums - the Geelong Gender Equality Forum, YouthFest in the West and The Community Leadership Summit; smashed some trivia at Good People Act Now’s Trivia Night where our own GenZine rep, Charlotte, was presented with the Eurydice Dixon Gender Equality Champions Award; ran an Intergen workshop at the Louis Joel Arts & Community Centre and linked up with Joshie from The Man Cave for a captivating interview about modern masculinity (see page 18).

A massive thanks to the Westgate Neighbourhood Fund, whose grant made this issue possible. GenZine runs under the auspices of Victoria University - our gratitude to Ali B and Hiếu for navigating the nooks and crannies with us! There’s no way our launch would have taken place without Karen and Madeline from the Louis Joel Arts and Community Centre. As always, much love to our endlessly patient graphic designer Aleisha Earp (@aleisha.earp).

To our largest lot of contributors yetit humbles us to no end that we get to hold your growth and your pain together in these pages. Thank you for trusting us and making this zine the exquisite creation it is.

Yours in resistance, community and love,

September 2023

Content warning: Depictions and mentions of sexual assault, swearing, depictions of nudity, mention of suicide, child abuse, substance use.

RITES OF PASSAGE

SHEDDING SKINS

PREGNANCY (FROM PERSPECTIVE OF PARENTS AND ALSO BABY)

BREAKING OUT OF GENDER NORMS

GROWING PAINS & GENDER

FLUIDITY INSECURITY EVOLVING

At GenZine, we focus on the PROCESS of youth-led empowerment and social justice. We create space for young people to generate ideas, conversation and connections, working together toward gender justice.

In May 2023, we facilitated an Art and Social Justice Circle at Phoenix Youth Centre. One of the ideas we explored were the intersections and differences in how we interpreted this issue’s theme, growing pains, in relation to ideas of gender. This is what we came up with together.

LOSS OF DIRECTION

STORIES OF CHANGE AND GROWTH

COMING OUT. I THINK OF LGBTQIA COMING OUT, BUT ALSO DEBUTANTS

CHANGING/UNLEARNING INFORMATION AND IDEAS IS NOT NECESSARILY REGRESSION

DIVERSE BODIES, STORIES AND PATHS

TRANSITION

PHYSICAL AND MENTAL CHANGE. IMPORTANT STAGES IN LIFE

TRANSFORMATION

Jena Oakford (she/her), Time doesn’t heal all wounds, but therapy might.

Charlotte Cameron (she/her), difficult conversations.

Amira Akhtar (they/them), Cake.

Amira Akhtar (they/them), Cake.

Darien

Darien Gomes (he/him), Chrysalis.

RETURNING TO CELEBRATING CELIBACY

I was celibate for 22 years. Why is it so hard to be voluntarily celibate for 1 year?

Breakups suck. Even when I tried the more positive ‘conscious uncoupling’ process. After the break up, I didn’t want to see an attractive human ever again.

Departing on my solo road trip and stumbling across different intentional communities, I began to deepen my understanding of myself and yoga. One of the key codes of conduct in yoga is Brahmacharya. This can be translated to mean chastity or intentional use of energy.

Gravitating towards yoga to heal a broken heart and fatigued with low energy and iron, I knew I needed to be more intentional with my energy.

When I tell people I am practising celibacy, I get confused faces and awkward glances. One of the funniest situations I recall is when a person I just met at a party asked, “Can we kiss?” I replied, “I’m practising celibacy right now.” Their expression faltered, clouded with confusion. I could almost hear the sound of an early 2000s Microsoft Windows computer restart as their brain and balls slowly rebooted. I could tell they had never encountered this before.

Friends laugh when I tell them this story. Others wonder why I choose celibacy. I fumble over my words in reply, trying to articulate the calm humming feeling I get when I know a decision resonates.

Why choose celibacy in your prime years, with the proliferation of exciting romantic options like polyamory, thrilling threesomes, casual sex, friends-with-benefits and long-term commitments?

For me, it came down to two reasons:

First, the intentional use of energy: as soon as I voluntarily chose celibacy, I was able to save and reroute this energy to other parts of my life.

I began to realise how much time, effort and mental space looking for and pursuing potential bed-buddies was. This includes your basic energy-drainers – setting up numerous dating profiles on Hinge, Bumble and Feeld, messaging first, messaging back. Then there were the extra bits and pieces, like proofreading saucy messages, getting situations peer reviewed by friends, the selfsurveillance involved when you want others to find you attractive, the meeting people at a party and debating, “Could I? Should I? Would I?”. The mental gymnastics of reeling in a runaway thought evaluating how attractive someone is and how much fun we could have together; my intense focus on the way their lips touch, the way their hands move in conversation, the highs of when our eyes meet and the lows of when they don’t text back.

Dating can be fun, but it is definitely exhausting. Low energy has made me so much more intentional with the little energy I have. I have re-routed this energy back into myself, my creative pursuits, yoga, into learning to romance my life and my friends, into solo and group van adventures and forest frolics.

Sometimes when my cup is full and energy is bursting through my smiles, I wonder if I am missing out.

Conversations with other femmes can sometimes placate this FOMO – stories of hurting masculinities, brash action and harsh words, uncommunicated feelings and expectations, and many people suffering from unable–to–locate–clitorisitis (a condition that only seems to only affect males).

While at the same time I have been regaled by intimate tales of steamy, thoughtful threesomes, mind-blowing orgasms and gentle rituals of love and romance, I am learning to have patience and honour for where I am at.

Alyssa Cunanan (she/her), Roots.

Reason number two slowly revealed itself as time and celibacy peeled back the layers. I am learning to view others as humans before anything else. I never actually realised I was viewing people as a gender, a sexual attraction, a use in relation to me before I was seeing them as a whole independent person.

These thoughts would automatically slither into my mind when I would see someone attractive. What would it be like to kiss them? How would it feel?

What would touching that bicep feel like? Before I knew it, I would be off chasing a fantasy. Like a cowgirl, I’d have to lasso these thoughts and herd them back into the paddock.

Am I a highly sexual, sexualising and self-serving person? No, I don’t think so. I do have moments of sexual intrigue and selfishness but my life does not revolve around this.

What could it be?

Perhaps it could be the socialisation of growing up in the sexualised and commodified digital world? Watching heteronormative movies and TV shows where the woman is never the best friend but instead the love interest for men over and over again. The debates about whether men and women really can be just friends. Swipe dating, where we’re encouraged to make split second judgments on how attractive someone is to us, training us to quickly evaluate another human being through the lens of sexual attractiveness and suitability for ourselves.

By trying to omit these influences, and actively challenge their ideas and the automatic beliefs within my own head, I’m beginning to rewrite the overlaid sexualised programming. Instead of following the bright neon signage, I am bringing my mind gently back to the dirt track winding into the forest; returning to a more grounded way of being, of embracing the humanness of others first.

How long will this celibacy last? Who knows. It feels like the relearning has only just begun.

- HANNAH VELJANOVSKA

TO THE GROUND

WITH JOSHIE FROM THE MAN CAVE

Tell us a bit about what The Man Cave is.

The Man Cave is a preventative mental health and emotional intelligence organisation. We primarily work with teenage boys - anyone who identifies as a boy. Our goal is to see the wonder and strength of boys, at a time when the way masculinity is being lived out is not serving boys and not serving our world.

What problems in particular does The Man Cave set out to tackle?

Our work hinges on two key statistics: Of the 9 people who take their own lives each day in Australia, 7 of them are men. Boys still feel like they can’t ask for help when they’re experiencing the hardships that life throws at them, and as a result feel like the only option is to end it, and that’s tragic.

When boys can’t articulate what’s going on for them, it can build up and lead to violence or aggression. The fact that one woman dies at the hand of an intimate partner every week is part of the tragedy of that.

We’re helping men be less of a danger to themselves and their community. Helping them speak about their experience rather than unleash it through more destructive means.

Underneath the extreme statistics about violence and suicide, what are the broad challenges for young men?

What our world is asking of young men is changing. For a long time, emotional intelligence was not actually required of men. Being successful contributors to the community didn’t require them to be emotionally intelligent.

We’re in a very different world now. We have more progressive voices calling for men to step up their emotional intelligence. At the same time, a lot of those more traditional narratives are saying, ‘You still gotta be tough, not show emotion, be stoic, have it all together’. As a result, boys feel trapped. And from that space of scarcity and trappedness, some of these more toxic and damaging behaviours come out. We’re in this turning point for masculinity, with competing narratives and no clear path forward.

So what exactly does The Man Cave then offer? How do they answer that problem?

First, we offer role models that reflect a diverse expression of masculinity - cultural and ethnic diversity, diversity of sexuality, extroverts, introverts, folks from the country, the city, men who went to private schools, public schools… actually capturing the spread of what it means to be a man. The commonality in this diversity is that all our facilitators are experienced in understanding and expressing their emotions, and can role model to boys the emotional intelligence that the world is asking of them.

We also offer space for boys to speak about their authentic experience, because so often boys just don’t have that. When we can speak about hard stuff, then we can begin to recognise the value of getting help.

As a facilitator, how do you know what you’re doing is working?

Yesterday, we were at a school where a Year 10 boy from the outer suburbs of Melbourne had recently gone through a breakup. Just like, living a rough life, and his girlfriend had just left him for another guy… He was really cut up about it; speaking about how he had been vaping more and smoking more weed because he felt a need to numb the emotions.

And he was bloody angry, and expressed that anger in the workshop: “I’m pissed off at her, I’m pissed off at this dude she left me for, he’s such a dick…” This big tirade.

One of our facilitators said, “Fair enough to be angry. Fair enough. But also, often behind our anger is another emotion. Maybe it’s fear, sadness, uncertainty. So, for you, what’s underneath your anger?” This boy paused, and then just said, “I feel like it’s shattered my self-esteem.” And in that moment, the particles in the room changed.

Because he’d really spoken to the heart of it. It wasn’t about her and what she’d Ear

done, it wasn’t about the friend, it wasn’t actually about the anger. It was the fact that he felt embarrassed, and he was hurt and sad. That moment became the biggest permission slip for the rest of the boys in the room and as a result, the workshop had many more powerful moments of vulnerable sharing.

What is about having boys and men all together in one room that makes the difference?

There’s a shared experience. Regardless of the debate around nature and nurture with gender and sex, the reality is that boys experience the world in a different

way to women and people of other genders. Being able to sit together and feel that commonality of experience means there is a sense of camaraderie and unity.

For a lot of boys, their experience of big groups of men is scary and harmful, so it’s powerful to have a big group of men together expressing deep care, kindness, support and love for each other.

You’re talking about men as facilitators and young men almost as going off into this ‘separate zone’, having these powerful conversations and reintegrating into society. That leads me to rites of passage - can you explain what rites of passage are and why they’re important?

A rite of passage is an experience that marks a stage of growth. Modern Western society doesn’t have clear and established collective rites of passage, so young people create their own - having sex for the first time, getting drunk for the first time, getting your driver’s licence… These are rites of passage that young people put themselves through to acknowledge, ‘Hey, I’m growing!’

Rites of passage were always designed to test young people in order to create the adults that the community needed. Today, we need rites of passage that test boys on their ability to be emotionally intelligent, and sit with their emotions, because that’s what the world is asking young men to do.

In our workshops, we say, ‘We’re gonna give you a rite of passage, and it’s gonna be hard, but by the end, a bunch of older men and your peers are going to recognise that you’ve grown into something society needs more of.’

The theme of this GZ issue is growing pains. How do you guide men to vulnerability, without throwing them in the deep end straight away?

We don’t throw them in the deep end. We show them where the deep end is. We show them what it looks like to dive in the deep end and get out the other side, having picked up the gold coin at the bottom of the pool.

Rites of passage and growth requires pain. Growing pains. Challenge is an essential part of the growth. But in order to get there, you have to feel safe enough to go to that edge and take that risk.

A big way that we do that is we build the container for them, that becomes the safe vessel through which they can go on that journey. In that tight container, we’re sharing stories, sharing playfulness, having conversations we don’t usually have.

We’re celebrating positive ways of behaving, and challenging the effect of banter or judgement in those spaces, so when they get to the edge of the pool, they choose by themselves to jump in the deep end, having felt carried up to that point.

For people who are worried about boys around them, what’s your advice about how to engage someone who’s not opening up about what’s going on?

1. Male role models are so important. If there’s a way of getting positive male role models in that boy’s life, that’s huge.

2. Boys connect through lightness before they feel safe enough to be deep. Meet them where they’re at before you try to get to the crux of the emotional complexity.

3. Call them up or in, rather than out. Speak to what a young man’s values are, what he cares about, what his strengths are, and how if he shifts his behaviour, he’ll be able to powerfully impact those around him. He needs to know what to do, instead of what not to do.

At a workshop in Sydney, we had this boy who was just non-stop talking. I ended up saying, “Hey man, do you notice you’re talking every time someone else talks?” And he said “Yeah yeah yeah, I’ll stop.” I said, “The thing is, when you talk, people listen to you. You hold a lot of power in this room. When you’re talking on the side, people are so used to listening to you that it really distracts them, because your voice is important here. I’m challenging you to use your voice well. Notice how you can either distract or draw people in.”

I wasn’t telling him to shut up or get out. I was saying, I need you, we need you as a group. And he felt empowered. For the rest of the day, he was in.

What would you say to young men reading GenZine who are struggling with their place in the world?

You’re not the only one going through what you’re going through. Life is shit, but the thing that makes the difference is having people around to support you through it. Practise not just sitting in banter and lightness with your mates, but actually being real with them. Find ways to catch up with mates so that you can actually invite them into your life. Even if they haven’t gone through exactly what you’ve gone through, they can be there to support you so you don’t feel so isolated.

What’s been your biggest learning curve about young people and masculinity since you started this work?

That boys aren’t fucked up [laughs]. I went to a private boys’ school and left there being like, ‘God. Men suck.’ But the reality is, when channelled well and given responsibility, masculinity is golden, and offers something femininity can’t. And that’s just the gift of diversity in the world. All the different ways that masculinities and femininities are expressed… We want so many more of them.

Interview by CHARLOTTE CAMERON

Dan Truong (he/him), Hoisin bear.

Dan Truong (he/him), Blue Willow.

GROWING PAINS IN GROWN BRAINS

Life Timelines and Milestone Shifts in Transgender & Neurodivergent Folk

Disclaimer: I’m by no means trying to claim my experience as The Trans & Neurospicy Experience. I know many T&N folk who had similar experiences with traumatic schooling and timeline delays to me, and these are the folks I’m seeking solidarity with in this article. Maybe you’ll find yourself in here, or maybe not, I’m not trying to speak for you, just for me.

Older cishet neurotypicals love to romanticise high school. “Enjoy it while it lasts, because these will be the best years of your life!” they told me. I was in high school at the time and hoped to God they were wrong, because I was Different To All The Other Kids, so every single day was torture. I was like Sisyphus, if he were an undiagnosed-autistic, non-hetero trans-egg of colour, and the rock was my mental health. It was all downhill from there, apparently, but I was already at the bottom of the hill – would they hand me a shovel along with my ATAR?

There was always a partly-hopeful, partly-desperate feeling that my life would begin after high school, and thankfully, that was the case. A graduation, time, a hatched egg and some awakenings later, my life began. Again, sort of.

CJ Starc (he/they), Je suis non-binaire et trans, les seins ou non [Tits or not, I am non-binary and trans].

CJ

(he/they),

When you’re a person who realised your T&N identity as an adult, your life timeline doesn’t look the same as everybody else’s. There’s a developmental delay because once you figure out who you are, you need (and deserve) time to play around in it with joy! And while my peers were allowed and encouraged to figure out their identities when we were children, my childhood was full of societal shame and personal repression, so I came to this milestone as roughly a 19-year-old. Making mistakes, growing and learning about yourself, surrounding yourself with people who truly understand you - all the developmental stages that cisgender, neurotypical people go through in childhood and through schooling - happens as an adult for T&N people. Around that time post-high-school when ‘everyone else’ is entering the workforce and settling down, T&N people are only just starting to embrace real joy for the first time, and making the genuine friendships we missed out on in our early years. These milestones are displaced by years, or decades. Thus, the growing pains happen not in adolescence, but in adulthood. 

Lou

I know that the phrase “everybody else” is inherently false, generic and unhelpful. I know I’m not alone in my experience, I know there were other eggs in their own repressive childhoods around me, and I know that wider societal fear of alternative identities is to blame for us not finding each other sooner. But it is lonely growing up T&N in spaces that aren’t built to foster baby T&Ns, and it does feel like you’re different to Everybody Else.

Concluding this article is difficult, because milestones are unfolding in real time and there’s nothing to conclude. A month ago, I learned that I, as one of the first openly trans people of my schooling cohort, impacted the life and identity of the only other trans person from the cohort yet that I know of. This person reached out to me, despite us having not spoken in almost a decade, because she needed community and solidarity, and she had a feeling she would find it in me.

Growing up WAS pain, until it wasn’t. Until I knew who I was and started my life; a whole lot later than scripted.

- LOU SOLOMONIDES

CJ Starc (he/they), Je suis non-binaire et trans, les seins ou non [Tits or not, I am non-binary and trans].

CJ Starc (he/they), Je suis non-binaire et trans, les seins ou non [Tits or not, I am non-binary and trans].

Mycelium

Elijah Cristiano

/ Green,

The colour of envy,

The colour of coveting and craving and desire and ache and The yearning for all of the things that are just out of reach

I yearn to move from my place in this ground

For the moss to fall away from my feet and

For the ferns to part and reveal a path

But i remain tethered to this patch of damp earth and crave crave crave connection

They step on me and

Say that I am poisonous

A venomous being that has no use

Other than being a stool

For a repulsive viridescent toad

But they are so so wrong.

I am the earth and the sky and the stars and the ether

I am the entire infinite universe and I am timeless

My soul permeates the ground where I stand and My roots find solace holding the hands

Of others like me

This realisation Is where I begin

Elijah Cristiano (he/him), Mycelium.

Faye Miravalles (she/her), where kindness belongs.

Jacinta Melrose (she/her), The Vilified Child.

Just Like Her

Keely Naylon

Lady liquor brings words forth, unintended, oft-thought but meant never to be spoken. She wreaks havoc on the mind, and the friendships, and the heart. She cares not the consequences.

‘You are fun’, my mother whispers, as liquor burns my tongue.

‘You think it’s fun?’ My child-self scoffs.

I become possessed, occasionally, by the spirit of my mother.

Though she is still living.

Her words tumble off my tongue, when I am drunk.

‘You are finally being fun’,

she whispers in my ear when I am drunk though when I wake - she is gone.

Left behind is only me, the child of me.

‘Just like her,’ she whispers, scornfully. Sometimes I am sober, and lying so, so, still, and I let those who depend on me, suffer, loudly, quietly, suffering, suffering, suffering from something I could easily fix.

“Just like her”, she whispers, scornfully. “Just like her”, she whispers, mournfully. “Just like her”, she whispers, “mistreating me.”

Jessica Vranes (she/her), Metamorphosis.

Growth Haikus

Justin Banks

/ Summer brings great joy

Winter shrouds true happiness

Spring refreshes life

Compassion shows strength

Strength refines our character

Growth nurtures the soul

To fall we must hurt We must fall before we grow Growth stems from wounds

Finding a balance

Entrusting an equal flow Centred we become

A gentle calm breeze

Refocusing all stable growth Washes away doubt

Justin Banks (he/him), Growth Haikus.

The pain never actually leaves.

It may ebb and flow. Some days it’s just a faint, dull ache. Others;

A volcano erupting, causing all life around it to perish.

I went through parts of life believing that life had perished. That nothing was worth it anymore.

To be stripped of such innocence so young, by someone that was meant to well, not.

I was a child for fuck’s sake.

The guilt followed me. Everywhere. Anywhere.

The same guilt that follows us after rejecting someone that gets a bit too close on the dance floor.

The same guilt that you felt when your high school teacher made a comment about how your outfit made the boys uncomfortable.

The same guilt that torments me to this day guilt that you will never feel because you were not held against your will and made to kneel, until you screamed so loud your ears bled. Only to realise you’ve gone numb instead warm breath in my lungs, smothered by your greed.

The pain never leaves. It grows with you. For better or worse.

Peter Spring (he/him), Perspective.

Dearest Thanatos

Haylee. L. Bissett /

Dearest Thanatos,

You are an angel yet feared from most angles. You put into motion the coyness of the masses.

Insecurity, Morality, Equity.

How you keep the secrets of life so sacred. How you teach the wisest of lessons. How you are so misunderstood…

Regardless, if you lived in denim jeans or in satin sheets. If you lived by the books or by the sins. You always seem to make life so much more desirable.

People quake at your power. People shake at your presence. People find peace in the pit that you dig.

I find virtue in the anguish you take yet nerve in the cruelness you impose.

Thank you, Thanatos, my love.

Thank you for guiding my loved ones, safe in the arms of comfort.

Thank you for my lessons; guide me to the arms of adoration.

They say, “till death do us part”. They say, “till we meet again”. My heart will yearn to see you again.

My life has been long, my life has been good, my life is now in hurt.

I ache, I break, and I wake to silence…

No movement, no adjuvant, no improvement. as I suffer, as I rot, as I prepare…

Will you throw this old woman a rope? Will you give this old woman some hope? Will we see each other sooner than we thought?

If not, I understand.

Understand there’s more for me to love.

Understand there’s more for me to see.

Understand there are more lessons to be learned.

But if so…

I will see you soon, my love.

See you eventually.

See you inevitably.

With our souls existing. Learning. Growing.

From your friend, Halie

Haylee. L. Bissett (she/her), Dearest Thanatos.

Life is Seasonal

Stephanie Cini

/

It is spring.

I am the happy intruder who is blissfully unaware of what has been and what is to come I am nothing but a blank slate, primed to sullied by my future

For now, I can only take a seat on the rollercoaster and hope I enjoy the ride.

It is summer.

I am decorated with shades of red and blue, pale and blushing spots

I am slowly building my armour to endure and survive

For now, I am content to be nurtured by the virtues the world provides me.

It is autumn.

I am being stretched out and worn thin

I am littered with fingerprints forged by feelings of love and hurt

For now, I placate my pain with affirmations that I was built to handle all types of pain.

It is winter.

I am ready to collapse and crumble into distant memory.

I am satisfied with my choices that once brought me pain or joy

For now, I wait for a friendless friend to come and collect me.

Lily Thuy Linh Nguyen (she/her), taxes, back pain, and anxiety.

I visit an IKEA for the first time and feel like crying

Xiaole Zhan

/ The IKEA warehouse has its ceiling gutted out, ribbed with metal, Invisible drops of blood melting like butter into my damp hands

And I want to belong here, like marble, moonly as a new kitchen

I feel pot-shattering, like a lion with shoulders tall as the seat of a unicycle

I am stumbling ugly-limbed through clean and dreamly thresholds

There is no inside and outside, I could mistake the silvergreen of the plastic prop leaves for moonlight.

I want to belong somewhere and nowhere at once.

I want my knees knocked blue in future tense against the unbought co ee table in the living room.

I want to keep walking with you through doors that open to nowhere just so I can keep walking. just so I can keep you. sometimes I feel like spilling milk just to remember what it’s like to lose something.

Xiaole Zhan (they/them), I visited an IKEA for the first time and feel like crying.

Dear Love

Nicola Spoor /

Love, it’s been a while.

The last time we met, things just didn’t work out.

In the beginning, we were so strong. When you smiled at me, I felt so warm. You wrapped me in your arms, and in my cocoon of you, I felt safe. I believed you when you said everything would be okay. Every morning, when the sun would rise, I would roll over and see your eyes. They were so comforting as they shone at me. Good morning, Love.

You reached over and gently tucked my hair behind my ear. No words were said as we gazed upon each other. Time stopped, and it was just you and me.

As I looked at you, your mousy brown hair a mess, your ocean blue eyes still adjusting to the sunlight roaring through the curtains, nothing but the blankets covering you, your long legs peeking out at the edge of the bed, I chuckled to myself at the sock tan left wrapped so delicately around your ankles. You were my beautiful mess, and I wondered to myself how lucky I was to have you. We were perfect love. Like a beautiful crystal snow globe, inside was an image of happiness and pure joy as we walked along the footpath of life, side by side. You were mine, and I was yours. I had never been so happy before.

But something went horribly wrong. I must not have looked as I walked, and before I knew it, our snow globe fell to the floor. Beneath my feet lay the tiny shards of glass. We were broken love.

Nicola Spoor (she/her), Dear Love.

“I watched as you walked away, and confusion was now the state you left me in, love.”

Frantically, I fell to the ground, picking up the pieces of us left scattered around, trying to glue our globe together. But the shards were too small, and my fingers wept with blood from the glass that was us, love. It became apparent to me that this task was not made for one but for two. When I peered up to look at you, I saw her. Your arms were wrapped tightly around her waist, and I heard you whisper, “Everything will be okay.” She felt safe in her cocoon of you. You were no longer mine, love.

I watched as you walked away, and confusion was now the state you left me in, love. I gave you everything…

You told me to wait, be patient, this was not our time. You said I would find you again one day. So, patiently, I wait for the day you return to me, love. I eagerly waited and waited... and waited.

The days rolled into weeks, the weeks into months, and time flew by. I’m still waiting for you, love. How could you do this to me?

A girl once so full of joy, her heart pure, and her soul sparkling lighting up her world no matter how dark the room. All that joy is taken away by you, love. The more I wait, the worse it gets. You’re poison to me, like cheap cigarettes. So bad for me, but I still breathe you in, filling my lungs with your toxic air. Each breath is harder to breathe. Why, love? Why are you suffocating me?

Nicola Spoor (she/her), Dear Love.

Pruning the Heart

Nicola Spoor

/ Pruning the heart

Like a tree that needs pruning, I too have felt the pain, Of cutting away the parts of me, That caused my heart to strain.

It hurt to let go of the branches, That once provided shade, But in doing so, I found new growth, And beauty that won’t fade.

Just as the tree must shed its leaves,

To grow strong and tall, I had to let go of my past,

To stand proud and stand tall.

And though the process was painful, I’m grateful for what I’ve gained, For pruning away the dead parts,

Allowed new life to be sustained.

So if you’re feeling broken, Like a tree that’s lost its way,

Remember that through the pruning, New growth will come your way.

Nicola Spoor (she/her), Pruning the Heart.

6

Jena Oakford (she/her) | @oakyjoaky Time doesn’t heal all wounds, but therapy might.

In this piece, I focused on my own journey of self-acceptance throughout different stages of life and learning to embrace the silly/whimsical “Inner child” as I grow older. These three self portraits converge on the idea that growing doesn’t need to be painful, and even though growing up is painful, you can still have a laugh along the way.

7

Charlotte Cameron (she/her)

Difficult Conversations

Difficult conversations are happening all around – a friend admits their infidelity to their partner; parents break the news of their separation to stricken children; two lovers agree to part ways. Then there are all the difficult conversations I know are yet to be had – reevaluating relationships; boundary-setting and grievance-sharing between friends; admitting to love. I admire folks who willingly enter into the discomfort, with faith that something better awaits.

8–9

Amira Akhtar (they/them)

@amiramakesthings

Cake

The piece is about my feelings turning 22 and coming to terms with my queer identity. I’m trying to learn to hold myself and my identity in love and compassion. I try to capture that in the end by showing that my identity is in the stars and nature and everything around me.

10–11

Darien Gomes (he/him) | @dariengomes

Chrysalis

3 pictures from a series of self portraits captured in 2021. Observing my body as a vessel that reflects this change of time and space. As each tide washes away, I become a new summation of experiences, obstacles, emotions, thoughts and growth. Each distorted picture is a representation of these tides. As each tide recedes the remnants of my composition come closer together. A break in the tide. Dune in the sand. A change in time.

12–15

Hannah Veljanovska (she/her) @hannahveljanovska

Returning to Celebrating Celibacy

14

Alyssa Cunanan (she/her) | @ac.orns

Roots

My artwork depicts the pain of being stuck in place, despite growing as a person. It’s hard to move on when you are stuck where you came from. I intended to draw a feminine body type here, but I did not include a face so the person can be interpreted as anyone who is femininepresenting.

16 Luna (fae/them) | @gayheartcreative growth is messy/beautiful/necessary

Being absolutely obsessed with butterflies, I was inspired to create a collage surrounding the metamorphosis from cocoon to butterfly. As a queer femme, the process of discovering my true self has been hard and messy (everything in the cocoon completely turns to goo!), but I feel more free and more me, than ever.

photography credit: Lucrecia Laurel (images of the person in the collage)

25

Bradley Reeves (he/him)

Growing Pains

26–27

Dan Truong (he/him) | @hoisin.boy

Hoisin Bear

On top of my artist name Hoisin Boy, I created a Hoisin Bear character that I use as a vessel - as one step further from my identity - to live and explore my creativity. At first a bit unapproachable, inside he’s still sweet, soft and friendly.

Blue Willow

I recently found out that Chinoiserie is a Western re-interpretation of East Asian aesthetics and yet I always thought it was an authentic symbol of a Vietnamese household. Regardless, to me, it’s still an example of the way that my parents embedded a sense of culture in me, even through their choice of dishware.

28–33

Lou Solomonides (they/them) linktr.ee/lou.solomonides

Growing Pains in Grown Brains

28–33

CJ Starc (he/they) | @genrenonmerci

Je suis non-binaire et trans, les seins ou non [Tits or not, I am non-binary and trans]

Explores how as trans people, we grow into our bodies, but the process is not linear, nor easy. This set of artworks explores how gender euphoria can be everchanging and multiple states of euphoria can exist simultaneously.

34–35

Elijah Cristiano (he/him) @_wandering_words_

Transition

Represents the isolation I felt growing up as a queer, neurodivergent young person navigating unforgiving relationships throughout my adolescence. This piece is written from the perspective of a mushroom. Colonies of mushrooms become linked and form communities through their unique way of communicating. It is in others who understand the world in the way I do that I find solace.

Mycelium

An idealised male body inspired by classical Hellenistic sculpture with top surgery scars across the chest. It represents the disconnect felt by many trans young people growing up, grappling with concepts of gender and bodies that differ from cisnormative ideals.

36–37

Faye Miravalles (she/her) faye-miravalles.myportfolio.com

where kindness belongs

A collection of realizations that come with growing – a process of unlearning and relearning. While resentment can be a lifelong companion, it is through growing that we may learn to give ourselves grace, to permit gentleness.

38

Jacinta Melrose (she/her)

The Vilified Child

Portrays a youth donning a Japanese Oni mask with their knees tightly hugged to their chest. Oni holds significant cultural and symbolic meaning in Japan, generally associated with antagonistic characters in traditional plays and storytelling. I wanted to explore the paradox of innocence and evil, to create a sense of duality, vulnerability, and blurred identity. Often as children, we do not have the language or skills necessary, to navigate or articulate our emotions and experiences, so I tried to convey how it feels for children who are frequently misrepresented by the judgments of others, particularly family. The theme is expressed through the metaphor of the horns, which represents how society vilifies certain stages in human development (such as: ‘the terrible two’s’, ‘moody teens’, etc.), and one’s capacity to outgrow the imposed ideas others project onto us. This is dedicated to all the ‘bad’ kids, who grew up feeling demonised, othered, and unlovable. I see you.

39

Keely Naylon (she/they) | @kellynylon

Just Like Her

The title of my piece is ‘Just Like Her’. It’s a short poem about the painful moment we discover we have the same vices as our parents, that we are holding onto the parts of them that we promised to never take. It’s also about the disappointment in finding out that as we grew, we grew into a person our younger self would hate.

40

Jessica Vranes (she/her)

@handmadebyjesslee

Metamorphosis

The concept of metamorphosis, akin to a caterpillar’s transformation into a butterfly, mirrors the healing journey of mental health. Just as a caterpillar undergoes a profound change in form and emerges as a vibrant butterfly, individuals facing mental health challenges can experience a similar transformation. Recently, I have gone through so much change and healing, where I have been able to shed old patterns, negative beliefs, and limitations, and emerge with newfound strength, resilience, and a renewed sense of self. Like a butterfly spreading its wings, I have learned to embrace life’s beauty, soaring beyond my previous boundaries, and am embracing a brighter, more fulfilling existence. I am in the best place I have been in the last 7 years physically and mentally, and really feel like I am finally in my butterfly era.

41

Justin Banks (he/him) | @justin___banks Growth Haikus

As life takes its journey, growing pains occur at any age, even from things we thought we once understood.

42

Gurvinder Kaur (she/her) | @artsybrownlady

Never enough

The artwork speaks to the feeling that I feel all women carry. This feeling that ‘we are never enough’. She wears a crown of her achievements on her head. It’s decorative and beautiful and yet every time she sees her reflection in the mirror, the brokenness haunts her - her heart yearns to feel ‘just enough’. This is a dull growing ache we each carry silently through life.

43

Medea (she/they)

draft

My experiences with abuse as a young person have shaped who I have become today. The pain that comes with the trauma does not leave, although it does change. I’m learning to allow it to change me for the better.

44–45

Peter Spring (he/him)

Broken Void

Broken Void is an artwork that explores the hidden emptiness. The journey of figuring out the pain and suffering that has been caused. Even happiness cannot be hidden from the broken void that is inside.

Perspective

Perspective explores how past trauma carries into everyday life. The pain has time to heal, even if it might feel like something is missing or holding us back. Our brain can have many perspectives on one story which can help process trauma and encourage growth.

46–47

Haylee. L. Bissett (she/her)

Dearest Thanatos

It emulates a letter of adoration to Thanatos (the ancient Greek personification of death) from a sickly older woman named Halie; a woman that is not in fear of death. I believe that it relates to the theme of growing pains as even though Halie invites death, she understands she may need to grow more before her time is up.

48–49

Stephanie Cini (she/her) | @justahobby.sc

Choose Your Label

Choose Your Label displays a female body in full clarity, while awaiting comments from spectators.

Life is Seasonal

Life is Seasonal compares a person’s life to the seasons as we enter in Spring and depart Winter, filled with adventures in the meantime.

50

Lily Thuy Linh Nguyen (she/her) @ comicsbylily

taxes, back pain, and anxiety

It was my birthday month this May. As a young adult growing into her 30s, many challenges and little inconveniences are becoming the new normal. It’s difficult navigating inflation, physical changes, and mental health struggles when women are expected to have it all and not appear ‘crazy’ or ‘stressed’ in the 21st century.

51

Xiaole Zhan (they/them) | @xiaole.zhan

I visit an IKEA for the first time and feel like crying

52–55

Nicola Spoor (she/her) | @nicola.spoor

Dear Love

‘Dear Love’ is a testament to the power of self-reflection and introspection in overcoming growing pains. It is a raw and emotional expression of the challenges we face in love, and a reminder that through our struggles, we can emerge stronger and more resilient.

Pruning the heart

‘Pruning the heart’ offers a hopeful message to those experiencing growing pains, reminding them that through the pain of letting go, new growth and beauty will come their way.

If you’re even slightly curious about contributing to GenZine, please consider sending something in for our next issue! We love hearing from new folks and would be happy to have a chat should you have any questions. Keep up with all things GenZine on the socials below.