A healing journey

Dr William House is in conversation with Joan (not her real name). She is in her late 60s and was feeling completely well when she was found through routine breast screening to have follicular lymphoma.

Joan

If I go back to the very beginning, when I just got the lymphoma diagnosis, I didn’t know if I was going to die. Before I’d seen a consultant and knew more, I was already trying to do something to combat the horror of the diagnosis, to start the healing.

William

What does healing mean to you?

Joan

That’s a bit tricky. Well, it does mean taking control. My whole focus has been to feel empowered through this journey (that I didn’t chose). Feeling a victim is the worst possible thing. My whole focus is to feel empowered. So it’s not turning up at the hospital and having things done to me. It’s not saying ‘you make me better!’. So I started thinking about diet, alcohol consumption, and doing my visualisation. I could do those quickly. I believe the mind-body is really powerful and when it’s focused towards healing it has huge potential if you are able to harness it.

William

So how was it when you went to the hospital?

Joan

Well … it was terrible! As soon as I walked through the door I felt disempowered and overawed by the technology, and scared. I also have to say that I could see I needed the hospital so I didn’t have any choice. My husband came with me – it would have been awful on my own. I had a lot of support and love from family and friends; that was a big factor right from the beginning. I feel really lucky not to be on my own.

William

You had to make some decisions on this journey – investigations and treatments – how was that?

Joan

They told me that my condition is not often fatal, though not curable either. So I felt I had time. I resolved that I wouldn’t make decisions in the consulting room because I felt overawed by the consultant and technology. I was ill and the consultant had all the knowledge and consequently all the power as well.

William

So did you refuse to have some investigations or treatments?

Joan

I chose to delay them. I would try other routes, first to get rid of the symptoms – homeopathy and acupuncture were hugely helpful – and second, to get a wider vision of the illness. At first I just had the diagnosis, but after a while I began to think the diagnosis was also a story. I didn’t like their story. It was gloomy. So having perceived it as a story, I thought I would change it into something more hopeful. The Reiki practitioner gave me the initial clue. Consultants at the hospital still keep telling me their same story, but I try not to listen to them. It takes time after every visit to recover my equilibrium! My story is much better because it has hope. I think they go too far with honesty.

William

Do you really mean that about honesty?

Joan

Yes! They don’t have to keep saying ‘it’s not curable’. I don’t expect them to lead me up the garden path, but they don’t have to say it every time. Also, it takes no account of the patient and the patient’s input. It’s just treating symptoms and not the person.

William

How is it that you eventually had chemotherapy treatment?

Joan

I didn’t want to. I was scared. But I could see there were huge risks and it was not sensible to deny them any longer. Also, I had a lovely consultant at that time who I believe had my best interests at heart. He spoke to us very carefully and slowly, because it’s complicated. He was always very calm and he’s obviously very knowledgeable but without being arrogant, and he answered all our questions very clearly. That’s why I knew when he became a little rattled that I had to take notice.

William

So you had some chemotherapy. How did things go after that?

Joan

I incorporated the chemotherapy into my visualisation and it worked like magic.

William

So you were feeling better. Then what?

Joan

I picked up a Deepak Chopra book we’ve had for years and never read. That started me off on another huge journey of reading and finding out how to stay well [see Hamilton, 2010 and Dispenza, 2007]. The latest instalment in my self-help is Qi Gong, which is totally about healing. In my position this is the best thing since sliced bread! It’s now 18 months since the chemo and I feel really well, but I know there’s no room for complacency. It’s learning and continuing.

William

How has the journey so far changed you and your life?

Joan

It’s a rollercoaster and I’ve had to let go of some things and be less determined about my work. I’ve had to make time to do my healing practices and I’m still trying to find a new equilibrium. The reading is really inspiring and exciting. So certainly it’s not all bad. I’m learning all the time, I’ve met lovely people and I’m sticking to my story!

This article comes from the Journal of Holistic Healthcare, published by the British Holistic Medical Association. You can download our free journals and other resources at: bhma.org