Reality

Reality

Marjorie H, Class of 2026

“Ten!” My pencil furiously scribbled on the paper.

“Nine!” My mind started to drift away. No, I needed to finish this.

“Eight!” My hand was cramping. It hurt. Badly.

“Seven! Six!” Ms. Adair’s yelling rang in my ears.

“Five! Four! Three!” I finished the last question and placed my test face down.

“Two! One! Zero,” Ms. Adair finished. I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding in. Why was that so stressful, and why did I take so long?! I thought. It was probably because I got no sleep last night. Our teacher announced she was going to grade immediately, so I laid down over my desk.

“Alex! What’s wrong with you today,” I heard from behind me, followed by laughter. I sat up and turned around.

It was Chelby. Of course! She’s gotten bored of bragging about the A she’s gonna get and has come to torment me.

“What do you want?” I groaned.

“I asked you a question. Are you deaf?” She questioned. More laughter.

“I’m just tired, what’s it to you!” I replied, not noticing how loud my voice was getting.

“Quiet! I can’t grade tests with you all yacking like that,” Ms. Adair yelled. “Sorry,” chimed a bunch of students. Chelby continued to annoy me until I snapped at her. “I don’t care! Stop being annoying” I faced forward, my eyes half-closed and my legs crossed under my desk.

“Alex, you could’ve done better.” Ms. Adair’s silhouette came into focus, hovering over me. I sat up. Behind her, I saw a glimpse of Chelby with a smirk on her face and a gleaming A written on her test in red marker. I groaned.

Ella S Class of 2025

Time to wipe that smirk off her face when she sees what I got.

“I’m disappointed in you.” A test was placed on my desk, and I hurriedly checked it.

C-.

I got a C-.

My happy thoughts from earlier became clouded with thoughts of my grade. My dad will be disappointed in me. I wanted to make him proud. I can’t one-up Chelby.

The sadness inside me turned into anger, flowing up from the pit of my stomach. Without meaning to, I stood up.

“Alex, what are you doing?” Ms. Adair started.

“No, this isn’t real. I did well, I know I did!” I said, my voice rising.

“I’m sorry, Alex.”

“No. No! NO!” I yelled, anger bursting out of me.

“Someone make her calm down!” Chelby yelled, smirking.

“SHUT UP!” I shouted, much louder. I’m not a her, I’m non-binary. Nobody knows yet but I hate it when people use she/her pronouns for me.

“Alex! Detention! Control your anger,” Ms. Adair yelled, silencing everyone.

The room was silent, but even the silence felt loud. Furious, I shoved my test into my backpack and stormed out of my math class. I opened the brown door forcibly, still calming down from the scene five minutes ago. The school decided to use this room for detention, seeing as no teacher was using it for class. Four others looked up at me as I walked to an empty desk and sat down.

Ms. Adair had forgotten to tell me how long my detention time was, so the detention teacher gave me one hour.

“Now everyone,” she said, “I have to drop something off at a teacher’s office. Remember, not too much talking! You’re supposed to be punished here,” she added. She picked up a large blue folder, adjusted her glasses, and left.

I didn’t know what to do so I sneaked a glance at the other students. A shy-looking girl sitting in the seat behind me looked up and smiled at me. She was really pretty. Her dirty blonde hair was tied up in a bun and her eyes were a chocolate brown. She had a small nose and mouth, but she looked mature for her age nevertheless.

“What book are you reading?” I asked, trying to start a conversation. She picked up her book and flashed the cover to me.

“Harry Potter! I love Harry Potter! And the fifth book is my favorite,” I said, laughing. She started laughing as well, a higher-pitched noise than mine.

“What’s your name?” she asked, sounding less shy now that we had something in common.

“Alexandria, but I go by Alex. What about you?” I replied.

She grinned and said,” Sonya. Nice to meet you.” She held out a hand and I reached over my chair to grab it. Unfortunately, I had leaned over too much on my chair and my hand slipped from hers as I fell, the chair sliding out from underneath me as I hit the floor. Lying on my back, I stared at her and she stared back from behind her desk. Silence. Then, we started laughing. She giggled as I covered my face with my hands in fake embarrassment. We laughed for a solid minute until my stomach started to hurt too much and I rolled over and sat up.

“Welp, that hurt,” I said as I got back into my chair. She asked if I was okay and I didn’t want to worry her, so I said yes. “Can you girls keep it down?” One boy yelled from across the room. The anger came back, and before I could control myself I yelled back:

“I’m not a girl!”

Silence. Shoot, why did I say that, what’s wrong with me.

“I’m non-binary. They/them.”

“Oh. Sorry.” He said embarrassed and turned back to his desk. I sighed and looked at Sonya. She looked at me for a second and I was anxious before she said, “Cool!” And smiled. “What, did you think I would be against it?” I chuckled again. “You seem cool and I don’t have many friends. Could I maybe get your number and we could hang out sometime?”She pulled out her phone and handed it to me immediately.

“Of course, I don’t have many friends either. I mostly stay to myself.” Yeah, I can kinda tell, I thought.

“Thanks,” I said smiling, and I typed my number into her phone. I texted myself and my pocket dinged.

“We should be quiet again though before the teacher gets back,” she suggested.

“Good then, I'll talk to you later?” I asked. She nodded. Satisfied, I turned back around and pulled out my computer to do some homework.

After the teacher came back, time went very slow. I turned around and looked at Sonya. She glanced at me, smiling a soft smile. Today, I made a friend. That’s better than nothing, I thought. Now to just wait.

Finally, the time ran out. The teacher dismissed me, and I waved goodbye to Sonya as I left. It was 30-minutes if I took shortcuts. I was going to take the public bus home but decided against it since I felt the need to get some fresh air and alone time. As I started my walk home, dark thoughts clouded my head. What’s dad gonna say about my test grade, and worse still, what about my mother.

My parents are divorced. Well, not divorced yet, but in the process. My mother has been living with dad since they agreed to separate, but we’re tight on money at the moment and don’t have enough to move my mother out. I love my dad. He cheers me up when the dark thoughts circle around my brain, clouding the good things in life and bringing on only the bad. He assumes it’s just normal teenager life, but I’ve yet to tell him that I think it’s more. I also have my grandma, who I love with all my heart. She knows everything about me. She is my only family member to know that I’m non-binary, and she supports me.

After taking shortcuts, weaving in and out of streets and roads with the thought of the weekend guiding me, I arrived home. I climbed the stone steps and entered. Our little apartment wasn't much, but it was my happy place.

“What do you even want out of your life?!” My mother’s voice said. Luckily, with all the shouting they didn’t hear me so I crept into the kitchen and peeked my head out from the doorway to look into the living room. Shoot. It’s my parents fighting again. I thought this day couldn’t get any worse.

“You are raising a child with me! How are you going to get any money to pay for things if you are unemployed!” Unemployed? Dad must’ve gotten fired. I accidentally let out a breath too loud and Mother looked at me from behind Dad.

“Alex, sweetie...” she started, and Dad turned around to see me too. Hot tears had started to drip down my face, I didn’t realize I was crying until now. I pulled out my test with the C- on it and dropped it on the table.

“I failed my test,” I said. Then I ran upstairs. My parent’s footsteps echoed behind me.

“Alex, just talk with us,” they pleaded. I slammed my bedroom door and locked it, then ran into the secret door under my desk. It was a hideaway I found over a year ago that no one else knew about. Even from that room I heard my dad knocking on the door. Eventually, he gave up.

I was full-on sobbing at that point. My hands were shaking. It felt like I couldn’t breathe. Was I dying? I reached for my teddy bear, Jackson, and pulled him close to my heart as I curled up under heaps of blankets. Okay, you’ve had panic attacks before. Breathe. In through your nose, out through your mouth. In, out. In, out. My breathing started to steady, and so did my body. Still trembling a little, I reached inside my pocket for my phone and dialed Sonya’s number.

“Alex, hi!” I heard Sonya’s voice on the other end of the call. “Wait… what’s wrong? You sound like you’re crying!” Her voice filled with worry.

“Sonya, I know we don’t know each other very well, but–” My voice cracked, but I carried on, “–something happened. Can you come to my house? It’s 847 Roster Lane.” “Sure, that’s close to where I am. I’ll be there soon, stay calm okay?” I needed someone to talk to, someone that wasn’t my parents.

“Thanks, see you soon,” I stated, hanging up. Then, I came out of my hideaway.

Opening my window, I crawled out onto my secret spot. It was the skinny fire escape on the front of my house, leading down two stories before ending with a ladder. I didn’t want to leave my room, so I figured I’d see Sonya when she arrived and she’d come up.

After five minutes of waiting, I saw Sonya. “I’m up here!” I yelled. She looked up and gave me a thumbs-up as she started to climb the ladder. When she got up, she saw my tear-stained face and sat down, frowning.

“My parents fight. A lot,” I started, “And they were fighting when I came home. I failed my test. My dad got fired. I don’t know how much more I can take, I–” I choked on my words, and she placed a hand on my back. The wind blew in our faces as we leaned against my cracked window.

She took my hand in hers and squeezed gently. “Life will get better, Alex. The universe is testing you, you just gotta wait it out. And besides, you have me now.” And with that, we sat in silence, watching the sun disappear behind the buildings.