17 minute read
MYTHS VERSUS FACTS: TALKING TO KIDS ABOUT SUICIDE
Myths Versus Facts: Suicide Talking to Kids About By Christa Melnyk Hines
How we talk about suicide with kids is fraught with misconceptions. But as difficult as these conversations might be, our willingness to listen and be direct with our kids can mean the difference between life and death.
Advertisement
According to The Jason Foundation, suicide is the third leading cause of death among 10 to 14 year olds and has increased among this age group by more than 150 percent since 1981. For middle school and high school students, it’s the second leading cause of death. Here are six common myths about discussing suicide with kids of all ages.
Myth: Talking about suicide gives children ideas. Fact: Talking to kids about suicide is one of the best ways to prevent it. If you’re concerned that your adolescent might be contemplating suicide, ask the question point-blank: “Are you thinking about killing yourself?” “Many are relieved that someone finally asked this question,” says high school counselor Kimberly Urenda. “After asking, listen. Don’t judge. Don’t act shocked.”
Avoid minimizing their feelings by saying things like “Oh, you don’t really feel that way” or “You’re just sad.” Urenda advises, “Tell them you care about them. You love them and you will get them help.” Seek support from a school counselor or another mental health professional in the community.
Myth: Suicide is something you shouldn’t talk about with younger children. Fact: While the subject isn’t an easy one to discuss, “I believe you should always be honest and open with any age,” says school counselor Carl Crabtree. If a suicide occurs or is attempted by someone in your family and your youngster only overhears bits and pieces, you’ll miss a teachable moment. “The child constructs what happened silently without support and a family secret is born,” Crabtree says. Keep the conversation simple and hopeful with younger children. Answer questions and listen. “In our answers, we should avoid blame and guilt, avoid cliches and focus on the feelings,” Crabtree says. For example, describe someone who attempts or completes suicide as “sick in their feeling.” He explains, “Sick is a word children can understand. Also, it opens the door of thinking for children, knowing when we are sick, we go to a doctor to get well.” During the conversation, discuss what we can do and who we can specifically talk to if we’re feeling sad, angry, anxious or unhappy.
Myth: Suicide only happens to depressed kids. Fact: There is no single cause for suicide. Usually, suicide is the result of a combination of issues that can range from stress and bullying, isolation, abuse, social media, puberty and family genetics to drug and alcohol abuse. “The level of an individual’s impulsivity is another risk factor, especially in teens,” Crabtree says. LGBTQ kids are particularly at risk. According to The Trevor Project, the rate of suicide attempts is four times greater for LGB youth than that of youth who “Say, ‘tell me why’ and then listen,” are straight. he advises. “This would be an excellent “One of the reasons is a lack of example of a chance to teach your child acceptance and support by others, coping skills.” sometimes including their families,” Visit a licensed counselor or says Deb Woodard, associate adjunct psychologist if this pattern of behavior teaching professor and school counseling continues. coordinator for the University of Missouri-Kansas City. “The best thing Myth: I’ve talked to my child about that families can do is to educate suicide. I think he gets it. themselves and then have honest and Fact: The truth is, these aren’t onesupportive conversations with their time conversations. Use books, movies children.” and TV shows to highlight individuals Myth: I can’t prevent suicide by conditions. Share your own stories and talking to my child. Suicide happens challenges. Remind your kids that you without warning. love and support them. And, even though Fact: Suicide is preventable. Knowing life can sometimes seem unbearable, it the signs and keeping the lines of always gets better. ■ communication open with your child is important. Encourage your adolescent Factors that can to let an adult know if she notices a peer posting messages on social media that strengthen a child’s indicate she might end her life. Take time to connect as a family and resiliency to suicide with your kids individually. Play video include: or board games together, bike ride, walk or shop. Conversation and worries ■ Peer support and close social networks often pour out during less intense, ■ School and community connectedness companionable moments. ■ Cultural or religious beliefs that Keep an eye on your teen if a close discourage suicide and promote living a friend or a classmate commits suicide. healthy lifestyle Seek professional grief counseling or ■ Adaptive coping and problem-solving mental health support for your child to skills, including conflict-resolution help her process the death. ■ General life satisfaction, good self “Many times, people are searching esteem, sense of purpose for a ‘why’ and often lash out at others ■ Easy access to effective medical and or blame them. This can be difficult if mental health resources your child feels they are the ‘cause’ of the Source: National Association of School suicide,” Urenda says. Psychologists Sometimes the outpouring of grief and attention on the victim can spark copycat suicides. Monitor your child’s eating, sleep and self-care patterns, her Suicide Warning Signs social media posts and ask her if she is who persevere even under unimaginable contemplating suicide. ■ Often talks about suicide ■ Has a preoccupation with death Myth: I shouldn’t take it too seriously ■ Often takes unnecessary risks in his or when my child comes home from school her life and says she wishes she was dead. All ■ Exhibits behavior that is selfkids say stuff like that, right? destructive Fact: Maybe. Maybe not. While your initial reaction might be to say, “Don’t talk like that,” Crabtree recommends pursuing the conversation. ■ Deepening depression ■ Makes statements about feeling hopeless, helpless or worthless Source: The Jason Foundation S E P T E M B E R 2 0 2 0 | B R P A R E N T S . C O M 2 5
Norisha Kirts Glover
By Amanda Miller
OCCUPATION ▪ Owner of NRK Construction HUSBAND ▪ Carlos DAUGHTER ▪ Kennedy, 21 months HOBBIES ▪ Traveling, reading, wine tasting, and volunteering
As a wife, mother, business owner, and president of the Junior League of Baton Rouge, Norisha Kirts Glover wears a lot of hats. For her, finding the perfect balance between being a working mom and volunteering is challenging, but it’s also rewarding. Norisha is authentic and transparent, and she has a heart for people. With everyone she meets, she provides a space for them to be who they are. Norisha’s a real mom who isn’t afraid to admit to loving a good binge-watching session of her favorite television show every now and then, which is something we can all relate to.
How would you describe raising your daughter?
N: One of the most challenging and rewarding things that I have ever done. It’s challenging because I want to do all the right things. I’m a working mom and a lot of my time is dedicated to working, and I’m the president of Junior League and a lot of my time in the evening is dedicated to Junior League, so finding that balance is tough, but I think that balance is what every mother tries to make.
What are things you like to do as a family?
N: We like to drive around, walk our neighborhood, and go to the zoo. We like to cook out in our yard. Carlos is a phenomenal griller, so we enjoy just hanging out with people at home. Kennedy, and to see a reflection of yourself–both the good and the bad–that’s awesome.
What was your latest mom win?
N: We have a bedtime routine and we’ll read and say our prayers. It cracks me up because she’ll get on her knees, put her hands together, and say, “Our Father, our Father, our Father. Amen.” I love that she’s trying to say the Lord’s Prayer.
How has parenthood changed you?
N: I’m more sympathetic. I think that’s important, especially being a leader of an organization that is dedicated to women. We need to recognize that everyone balances everything differently. Photo Credit: Kleinpeter Photography
clients asked, and to do that on schedule and on budget, those are big wins for me.
What has your job taught you about parenting?
N: It’s okay to make mistakes because it builds character. You have to be flexible and adjust because you want to parent based on the child, and the same thing works in business. You don’t approach every employee the same way. You have to meet them where they are.
How do you make time to relax?
N: Sometimes it comes in the evening or on the weekends and it’s either because I am walking in my neighborhood or binge-watching the Hallmark channel.
floor. We haven’t done that as much, but I will tell you, he can be a romantic guy. He loves experimenting with recipes and we have different palates, but he will randomly cook for my palate as opposed to his palate and that’s really sweet.
What kind of mom are you?
N: It’s very important to me to make sure that I raise an independent daughter. I want my daughter to have a better life than I have, so often my thoughts are about the things that I need to be doing to set her up for success without being overbearing.
What’s something you hope to instill in her?
N: I want her to be confident in who she is and not swayed by the rest of the world. I want her to be an independent thinker and I want her to be kind. I want her to be someone whose spirituality helps guide her life.
Best parenting advice you have received?
N: Mothers have to do what works for them. Who cares how someone else is doing? They have to do what works for their family, you have to do what works for you.
Do you have any advice for other parents?
N: Tell your children that you love them and don’t assume they know. Cultivate their interests , not yours. Allow them to build character through learning from their mistakes when they fail. ■
Q&A The parenting item I couldn’t live without…Nosefrida. In my fridge, you will always find…bottled water. Favorite movie growing up…The Little Mermaid. My guilty pleasure is…sitting on my couch, eating all the worst snacks, and watching Hallmark movies. Music I’m loving…I get really excited when “Savage” comes on. I feel my best when I…have had enough sleep. My favorite television show is...The Golden Girls and This is Us.
Different, Not Less: A Mother’s Advocacy for Her Son with Autism
By Mari Walker
“After I got the diagnosis, I was A diagnosis of autism can turn a family devastated,” Naisha says. “I just wanted upside down, and that was the case him to be healed and cured from autism.” for William Spiller IV when he was As time went on, Naisha has come to diagnosed at age two. Because he didn’t embrace William’s differences and speak or respond, doctors first thought celebrate milestones, even if they come his hearing was the problem, but an later. Now 13, William was potty trained auditory brainstem response test proved at five and started speaking in full his hearing was fine. sentences around age six. William has two younger sisters,
The school system where they lived Wynter is nine and Chloe is five, and at the time wanted to label William as Naisha has seen how school systems treat having mild mental retardation, which children with disabilities differently. didn’t sit well with his mother Naisha Over the years, Naisha has had Brignac. Another parent suggested she to learn how to advocate for William have him tested for Fragile X, or mutated and stand up for his rights. “It’s been chromosome. That test was negative a journey,” she says. “I just want the as well and helped doctors determine best for my son, for him to have a free, William does not have a mental disability appropriate education just like his nonbut instead has autism. disabled peers.” 28 BRPARENTS.COM | SEPTEMBER 2020
The lessons from advocating for William have spilled over into Naisha’s life beyond parenting. “My son has taught me to be resilient and strong and to endure anything that comes my way,” she says. “I understand after 13 years why God gave me William: to advocate for him and other children with disabilities. I want to help others because somebody helped me and taught me the law.”
The family moved from New Orleans to Baton Rouge in 2015 for a fresh start, and the nonprofit organization Families Helping Families of Greater Baton Rouge helped make the transition easier. FHF supports families with members who have physical, cognitive, mental, emotional or behavioral disabilities.
William is starting virtual learning as an eighth grader at McKinley Middle School. He’s a visual learner and enjoys working on cars with his stepdad, Cornell Matthews. William enjoys video games, especially Minecraft, and one of his favorite TV shows is The Golden Girls. He’s also great with computers “If you need to be educated on a computer, he will show you and train you thoroughly,” Naisha says.
Thinking about the future, Naisha worries about William being manipulated or coerced as an adult. “I want William to be as self sufficient as possible,” she says.
“You never know what’s going to happen in life; this could happen to anyone,” Naisha says. “I’m going to keep fighting. I’m learning each day. My son teaches me each day.” ■
The Power of Prayer
By Rev. Pattye Hewitt, Lead Pastor of Blackwater United Methodist Church
In the scriptures we read: “The prayer of the righteous is powerful and effective.” James 5:16. The founder of Methodism, John Wesley, said, “Prayer is the grand means of drawing near to God.” Both of these statements are true. My heart knows it. I believe it. And while sometimes it’s easy to bring my whole self to God in prayer, other times it’s just the opposite. On occasion, I feel like my prayers aren’t reaching God–when my motivations aren’t convincing enough for God to give my petitions a second glance. And yet, I’ve had experiences while praying when I get lost in wonder and praise. The hands of the clock stop, the world seems to stand still, and I know without a shadow of doubt that I am in the Lord’s presence. What is it about prayer that both draws us in and at the same time, makes us want to recoil? What is it about prayer that rouses our hearts to run toward it, and at the same time, tiptoe toward it–around it–and sometimes don’t make it there at all? The more I seek to deepen my life with God, the more questions I have about prayer. Is this true for you? There are many things I can say about prayer and what it does in the lives of those who engage in the practice of it, however, I believe the most life-giving things for us to know and believe is: Prayer is the path of love for the strong and the weak; the wise and the simple; the ‘has’ and the ‘has-nots’. Prayer isn’t about beating ourselves up, telling God over & over how bad we are, but rather drawing close to the One who created us and loves us unconditionally. And most importantly, prayer is relationship; it is a means of grace that helps us cultivate a deeper, wider, more loving relationship with our Father in Heaven. One of my favorite authors, Richard Foster, is a leading voice in the practice of prayer. He writes: “Real prayer does not come by gritting our teeth, but from falling in love with God.” To that, I say “AMEN.” ■
2019-20 Cover Kid John Paul L. Photo Credit: Lauren Ashton Lights Photography
How to Foster a Love of Music in Children
By Ashley Lanvin
Music enriches people’s lives in myriad ways. Age is of no consideration when it comes to benefitting from and appreciating music, but it seems that young people in particular have a lot to gain from music education.
Dr. Rebecca Bellelo, owner of Piano and reading comprehension skills. In Pathways, explains that music lessons, addition, the National Association for piano lessons specifically, foster many Music Education says that research has wonderful non-musical characteristics. found a significant relationship between She explains, “In fact, these non-musical participating in the arts at school and a skills are important for musicians when child’s academic success. practicing: time management skills, Parents who want their children to goal setting, memorization, delayed reap the benefits of being involved with gratification, fine muscle coordination, music can try the following strategies listening skills, self-assessment skills, aimed at fostering a love of music in and so many more.” young people. According to the New England Board of Higher Education, various studies have ■ Turn the television off and turn music found that consistent music education on. Exposing youngsters to music is one can help to improve a child’s vocabulary of the simplest and most effective ways 32 BRPARENTS.COM | SEPTEMBER 2020 to get them to embrace it. For example, in lieu of turning on the television while preparing meals, parents can play music instead. Let youngsters pick their own songs or mix it up by including some of mom and dad’s favorites as well. “Many orchestras and bands are offering online concerts right now, so it’s the perfect time to watch these performances together at home,” says Dr. Bellelo. “Even if you aren’t a musician yourself, just being supportive of music in the home and sitting down with them to engage in music can stimulate their interest. Watching music concerts together, or listening to music together at home can peak their interest in wanting more formal instruction.” Such exposure can be incredibly valuable for youngsters. In fact, a 2016 study from researchers at the University of Southern California found that musical
experiences in childhood accelerate brain development. Music is especially effective at helping children in language acquisition and reading.
■ Replay kids’ favorite songs. Another way to build kids’ enthusiasm for music is to replay some of their favorite songs. While mom and dad may cringe at the prospect of hearing “Baby Shark” several times in a row, they should take note of how enthusiastic their kids become when hearing a favorite song. And, that enthusiasm can benefit their language skills as they listen closely to the lyrics in an effort to memorize the words. Youngsters may not be so receptive if they don’t like what they’re hearing. So, listen to “Baby Shark” just one more time, it really benefits them.
■ Dance to music. Kids are bundles of energy, and dancing is a fun way for them to expend some of that energy. Dancing also provides a great reason to play music. While you’re making dinner, turn on some of your favorite music (or their favorite music) and dance it out. Everyone loves an impromptu dance party. Physical activity set to music can help kids burn off some extra energy as they develop their brains, making dance sessions a win-win for both parents and children.
■ Embrace opportunities to see live music. Kids are often captivated by seeing musicians perform in person. When possible, take youngsters to concerts, local music festivals and/or restaurants that showcase local musicians. Such excursions may prompt youngsters to want to learn how to play, which can provide a host of additional benefits, especially for young children. In fact, a 1996 study published in Nature found that first grade students who took part in music classes during art study programs experienced marked improvement in reading and math proficiency. Music enriches people’s lives in various ways, and exposure to music at a young age can be especially valuable to children. The next time you hear your favorite tune, turn it up for all to enjoy. ■
