Family Wellbeing & Mental Health

STRATEGIES FOR THE HOME

There are many heart-breaking situations around the world at the moment that demand our compassion and understanding. We may well feel helpless, overwhelmed and unable to do anything about them. That might be true on a large scale, but we can all make some difference by showing compassion, starting at home.

Keeping compassion at the heart of family life is important for every family member’s wellbeing and mental health. As individuals, we gain strength from feeling connected, understood, and cared for – all inevitable outcomes of compassion – and that, in turn, inspires us to pay that compassion forward to benefit the world around us.

So, as families, how can we place compassion at our core?

1. Be compassionate! It sounds obvious but our children learn far more from what we do than from what we say. If your child is angry or upset after school and you’re rushing to cook a meal or do the washing, stop. Turn the gas off. Put the washing down. Sit. Listen. Support.* There is no better way to teach your child that you care and that their feelings matter. And there is no better way to teach them how to care for others.

2. Choose your words carefully. When our children suffer, our instinct as a parent is to take that suffering away. Words like ‘Don’t cry’ or ‘Don’t worry, it will be fine’ are often our way of trying to end their pain; but they could minimise it and could teach your child to bury their emotions. Alternatives such as ‘I can see this is hard for you’ or ‘We can find a solution together’ are far more compassionate and will encourage your child to be open about how they feel.

3. Be compassionate beyond your family. Simple gestures of kindness, such as checking on an elderly neighbour or being friendly to someone in the supermarket, will encourage your child to be empathetic towards others. Don’t always expect them to notice what you’ve done either. Talk about it and explain why you look after others around you, even strangers. Research has shown that kindness benefits both the giver and the recipient, boosting wellbeing for everyone; so, there is something in it for you too!

4. Show self-compassion. Being kind to yourself is fundamental for wellbeing and it is vital that we show our children that they need to be compassionate towards themselves too. If you’re exhausted, cancel a social event and explain to your child it’s because you need to rest. If you are sick, stay at home and remind your child that health comes first. If we are martyrs to our jobs and busy lifestyles, our children are learning they should be too.

Placing compassion, and self-compassion, at the heart of your family life will positively impact everyone’s wellbeing today and teach your child valuable life skills for their future.

Emotional intelligence has great value both in personal lives and professional lives; and, as Jacinda Ardern (Prime Minister of New Zealand) remarks, is a strength. She said, “One of the criticisms I’ve faced… is that because I am empathetic, I am weak. I totally rebel against that. I refuse to believe that you cannot be compassionate and strong.”

*As a parent of 14 year old twins, I must add that I know this isn’t always possible – it’s an ideal we can aim for, but we shouldn’t feel guilty when we simply can’t do it! ■

Rhiannon Phillips-Blanco is a Year 4 Class Teacher at JSL and Wellbeing and Mental Health Curriculum Leader.

Meet 'Compassion', one of BSN's eight Character Profile attributions. As a school, the BSN places great importance on our students’ mental health and wellbeing: it is embedded within the curriculum and compassion is a characteristic that we role model daily.