4 The deep attachment stage

This is the long run: the relationships that stand the test of time. By this stage, couples know each other well. They’ve been through ups and downs and know they can deal with crises when they arise. ‘When couples have been together for many years,’ Brown observes, ‘it’s very, very calm. And it’s secure.’

In this phase, it’s important to find ways to keep the relationship moving forward. Being comfortable with each other doesn’t mean your relationship has to be boring and routine. Interesting and exciting activities, travel plans and making time to connect through conversation can prevent you getting into a rut.

Making a long-term relationship work involves dedication, sacrifice, commitment, and affection for the other person and what they add to your world.

‘When you enter into a relationship, you increase who you are,’ says psychologist Dr Arthur Aron. ‘You take on and share in your partner’s perspective on the world, their social status, their resources. The benefits of new and challenging experiences together are enormous. And they last.’

So what do the experts believe is the key to keeping love alive?

‘Spend time doing things you both enjoy, together and individually,’ says Lyn Rowbotham. ‘Forgive each other by talking it out. And appreciate each other and show it.’

‘Try your best to be curious about your partner: ask questions, actively listen, savour their personality,’ says Suzaan Pileggi Pawelski. ‘And treasure the small moments.’