‘The Survivor’s Solution’

Advocates for domestic violence survivors and forms of relationship abuse share resources at Ball State and in Muncie.

Zach Gonzalez Reporter

Screaming. Intimidating. Blaming. Threatening. These are all tactics an abuser can use on a survivor.

“If your partner keeps close tabs on you, they want to know where you’re going, they go through your phone without permission or they try to isolate you from friends and family. Those are all signs of an unhealthy relationship,” Anna McGee, Ball State University Center for Survivor Support victim advocate, said.

Furthermore, McGee said there are other forms of abuse such as minimizing, denying and blaming, which can be summarized into “gaslighting” someone. According to the Newport Institute, gaslighting is an abuse tactic, which occurs when someone manipulates an individual into doubting their own thoughts and perspectives.

“More of the way how it’s used is making you think of things that may not be true,” McGee said. “Making light of abuse or anything such as saying ‘You’re being emotional’ or ‘You’re taking this too seriously,’ they’re all signs of gaslighting.”

McGee also said abusers sway their partners into feeling at fault for the abuse and outright oppose any claims they abused their victims. The Power and Control Wheel created by the Domestic Abuse Intervention Project in Duluth, Minnesota, outlines similar abuse strategies as a tool providing context for the methods utilized by abusers to prevent their partner from leaving a toxic relationship.

As a victim advocate, McGee offers confidential advocacy and support in areas such as dating violence, stalking, sexual assault and similar areas. Her role mainly comes down to helping students receive the proper resources for their specific situation.

“If they want to report, I can help them report either to law enforcement or to the university through the Title IX policy,” McGee said. “If they don’t want to report, I can help them to further resources such as counseling or the Health Center if they have physical symptoms.”

For confidential support, the Ball State Counseling Center offers several therapeutic forms of treatment, ranging from self-direction interventions, group treatment and individual therapy, associate director of prevention and wellness Aubrey Driscoll said via email.

I think you have to really take the time to be understanding and empathetic and listen to their stories, where they came from and what they’ve experienced because they didn’t just wake up in a domestic violence relationship.”

- MERCEDES CARR, A Better Way case manager `

“It is our goal to work with our students to determine what form of treatment would best fit their needs and address their specific challenges or struggles,” Driscoll said via email.

As a licensed clinical social worker, Driscoll knows the severity of potential consequences abuse leaves on survivors, and thus, understands the importance of addressing such impacts with counseling-based treatment.

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Source: American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry and physical safety when involved in a situation where interpersonal violence may be taking place,” Driscoll said via email. “Mental health treatment can assist students in creating safety plans and in managing mental health symptoms that are impacting the survivor.”

Ball State offers plenty of services and treatment for survivors of abusive relationships, and so does the Muncie community through the resource A Better Way, which extends support to survivors of abuse. A Better Way offers a 45-day shelter for both domestic violence and sexual assault survivors. The shelter contains a safe environment to transition clients into their regular lives peacefully.

“Generally, when they come, they are still in a crisis, so 45 days is not a long time, but it is a place where they are able to catch their breath and get some assistance,” Mercedes Carr, case manager at A Better Way, said. “They’re not responsible for taking care of any financial needs here. We provide everything, so it lifts the burden for a while for them to be able to focus on their goals and begin to get back on their feet.”

Carr works with survivors to provide stability upon leaving the shelter, which is based on their specific needs and goals.

“Mental health is generally a big thing, so making sure that they get connected with a counselor, making sure that when they leave shelter, they have stable housing to transition into upon leaving,” she said. “And then a lot of times, we get the opportunity to help clients get back on track with their physical health, whether that means getting a primary care doctor or meeting with a psychiatrist.”

Carr, as both a 2016 Ball State graduate from the social work program and a person who went through similar relationship experiences, found both the motivation and knowledge to provide to fellow survivors.

“I grew up around a lot of unhealthy family dynamics and ideologies, and so when I got to school and started my social work courses and saw the importance of creating healthy family dynamics and relationships, it was something I became very passionate about,” she said. “That’s why I went into this field because I wanted to teach other people those skills and empower them to make those healthy decisions for their lives and relationships.”

Non-confidential resources on campus

1. University Police Department

2. Housing and Residence Life Faculty

3. Office of Student Conduct

Confidential resources on campus

1. Health Center

2. Counseling Center

3. Center for Survivor Support

Off-campus confidential resources

1. A Better Way

2. IU Ball Memorial Hospital

3. Counselors, doctors and attorneys

Source: Ball State Health Promotion and Advocacy

Certain skills, such as listening, are ways Carr emphasizes and comforts the survivors she helps on a daily basis as a case manager.

“I think you have to really take the time to be understanding and empathetic and listen to their stories, where they came from and what they’ve experienced because they didn’t just wake up in a domestic violence relationship,” she said. “Everyone has a story and a background, so I think the first step is just being willing to listen, relate and care for them where they are and not focus so much on changing them that you lose empathy and compassion for where they are.”

For McGee, as a victim advocate, she always makes certain each survivor is in control of their situation.

“I point them in the right direction by whatever the student is comfortable with, whatever they want to do, what outcome they want, and we go from there, but I never pressure them into doing something they don’t want to do; it’s always the survivor’s solution,” McGee said.

Contact Zach Gonzalez with comments via email at zachary.gonzalez@bsu.edu or on Twitter @zachg25876998

Elissa Maudlin Editor-in-chief

Jaimee Burris and Jenny Jones sat on the outside steps of the Indiana Statehouse around 8 a.m. with their two young children. Jones said it was important for their 4-year-old daughter, Eliza, to see people at the Statehouse supporting her family of two moms.

Little did Eliza know a bill was in committee that day that, despite being a human sexuality bill, has been discussed as an anti-LGBTQ+ bill which could directly affect her life.

HB 1608 states schools, employees, staff and third-party vendors used by schools in Indiana are not permitted to provide instruction on human sexuality. The bill was amended in committee to say human sexuality rather than “gender fluidity, gender roles, gender stereotypes, gender identity, gender expression or sexual orientation” from the original draft.

The bill also states parents must be notified by the school if a student wants to go by a different name, pronoun or title than given at birth, language added during a committee hearing. For a student hasn’t been without a fight from some Indiana citizens.

The same day of the committee hearing, protesters backed by the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) in Indianapolis turned out for a “Pack the Statehouse to Protect LGBTQ Rights’’ event. Approximately 200 people’s cheers and boos echoed through the Statehouse, and opponents of the bill far outweighed supporters within the chamber walls.

Some of the chants included, “No hate in our state,” “We say gay” and referred to HB 1608 as a “bill of hate.” marginalizes LGBTQ+ students because all students have pronouns, gender and a sex. In order to eliminate all sexuality in a classroom, she said schools would have to stop using Mr. and Mrs., and fairy tales with princes, princesses and romance would have to change. She believes sexuality and gender seem to only become inappropriate when it breaks away from straight and cisgender dynamics. Cisgender refers to someone who identifies with the gender that corresponds with their sex at birth, according to Oxford Dictionary.

Keith Gambill, president of the Indiana State Teachers Association, said a child may feel shame from being redirected in conversations due to teachers not wanting to get in trouble with the law. Rachel Burke, president of the Indiana Parent Teacher Association, referred to this as the “chilling effect,” where teachers overcompensate their behavior to stay clear of being punished even if the law doesn’t completely limit their behavior.

One example Gambill discussed was storytime in a classroom when students talk about their lives. If a student has parents of the same sex, this can provide a challenge with teachers having to make decisions on how to approach the situation while

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Gambill believes legislators don’t know what’s actually going on in the classroom, and in reference to HB 1608 and pronouns, he said there are not numerous students asking teachers to call them by a different pronoun.

When Haille-Berne was a teacher, she said she approached topics on sexual orientation and gender in everyday discussion by having stories with diverse characters and using accessible language in the classroom. It wasn’t making special lessons or direct conversations about it, she said.

One big misconception Burke said people have about school is that teachers try to “indoctrinate” children.

“Teachers want children to learn, to feel safe, teachers want to be able to teach in a safe environment and make [sure] … their students have the absolute best possible chance to learn,” she said. “There’s no big agenda to indoctrinate people or to have them turn out one way or another politically … They’re not in the teaching profession to indoctrinate kids.”

Burke clarified she believes parents should be able to take their children out of certain lessons in the classroom and be in control of what their child is exposed to. However, she doesn’t believe legislators should control what all children and all teachers do.

Gambill said he believes isolated cases of educators teaching things that are inappropriate should be dealt with on a case-by-case basis.

“I am simply puzzled and extremely troubled by this practice of making a wild allegation and then just placing that on the entirety of our school system,” he said.

Gambill said transparency is present in the classroom. He said standards are created at the state level with input from instructors across the state. Then, the school’s curriculum is created from those state standards.

However, not every Hoosier is against legislation barring human sexuality discussions and materials in the classroom. Some people welcome its adoption.

4See HB 1608, 14