Max Agigian ’19
Soon Look, folks, we’ve had some really bad news today, maybe worse news than ever before. And I know you don’t want this asteroid, this giant rock, it’s coming out of space, and it’s coming for us, but don’t worry, because we are working on a great plan, with a beautiful team, and they tell me these are the best minds. This is like if we had a team of Einsteins with us, and they are making sure that we are going to be okay. And it’s tough. I looked at it and I said, well, we can’t just make a deal, which is sad, because I would make the best deal. I could call up the asteroid and say, look, you can’t hit us, because we are making great progress with this country, and we need to keep winning, and you cannot stop that right now, because, because, right? Because we love our country, and we’ve got to keep going. And it would say back, if it could talk, but it can’t, which is a great shame, and it would say, okay, Mr. Trump, I understand, I’ll come back tomorrow, but it won’t come back tomorrow, or ever, because I have a great team. We love them, and they are working very hard. Not like the Democrats, I can tell you. They want so badly to stop our great people, like they were saying about Jared, and like the “House Intelligence—” and I put it with the little fingers, right? I put the fingers in the air around the name, because they’re not doing anything, they’re also hating Jared and the others, and they really just, they really don’t want us to win! They’re out there saying, oh, Mr. Trump, you shouldn’t use Jared, or you shouldn’t have Mitch, or you shouldn’t have him, and they ignore this, they ignore the fact, they don’t know it’s really bad up there with the rock you can see, and it’s getting bigger, and we need to solve the problem! And the fake news is already saying we can’t solve it, and Jared is bad, and Mitch is bad, and Trump is bad, and soon they’re going to be saying it’s my fault, right? We all know how it goes, the bad thing happens, which the bad things don’t often happen, because I’m around, and I’m keeping our country safe from the terrorists and the illegals—why don’t they talk about how they were all pouring in? They ignore, they ignore that we have really great people, and they will be the best, and all because Mr. Trump likes them. And they don’t give a crap about the country, about America, because they’re Democrats, and I’m the president. I am! And it’s really just a horrible—oh, and the darkness, now, too, you see? It’s all dark because it’s too close, and it blocks out the sun. That’s what they tell me! Can you believe it, this rock is big enough to stop the sun from getting through, but now it’s bright anyway, and just too hot. And loud. Can you even hear me? It’s amazing ho— 33
