The Rules

1. Do not go out alone at night.

2. Do not go out alone.

3. If you must go out alone, bring your dog.

a. Be ready to let go of the leash and run.

4. Do not welcome a dog that appears on your front porch.

a. If it is your dog waiting on the porch, stay inside.

i. It is not your dog.

ii. Your dog was dead from the moment you stepped outside alone.

5. If a stranger offers you some jam, count their fingers.

a. 9 or less: it is safe to take. It will be delicious and sate your appetite well.

b. 11 or more: politely decline.

c. Exactly 10: walk away without saying a word. Do not look back.

6. Gentlemen must never accept the invitation of someone with sharp teeth.

7. Do not accept meat whose origin you are not absolutely certain of.

8. Five dollars is not an adequate sum to pay the toll man.

a. Slightly relatedly, it is in fact enough for the tall man! He appreciates the company.

i. He needs the company. Be kind to him. Please. He needs it as much as you do.

9. Maps lie to you far more often than you think they do.

10. Red lines are safe to follow. Yellow will get you killed.

a. Be careful on streets.

11. The toll man may look like he has your dog. He does not.

a. Please don’t try to get that dog back — you’ll get hurt.

i. Your dog is gone. I’m sorry. There was nothing I could do.

12. Allow your eyes to slide off of others’. Forced looking will be received poorly.

a. Maybe you are not supposed to see their eyes, hmm?

13. Be kind. If you cannot, be polite. If you cannot, you’d better be lucky and fast.

14. The cottage between the meadows and the forest is safe.

a. The man inside has tea. He thinks it’s good, but he has had no one to try it and find out, so he does not know.

i. The tea, at least, is safe. Everything there is safe. He will protect you as best as he can.

15. Do not eat any peaches. They do not grow here naturally, and no one ships them in.

16. You are not the only lonely one. It may be worth the risk to try and find others.

a. Being with someone is safer, anyway.

17. Crisp, clean suits are impossible here. Anyone who has one is untrustworthy.

a. It may be trickery, or they may just be rich and spoiled. Both are bad, no?

18. Mud can be used as a salve.

a. Preferably wetted with rain, but any liquid will do in a punch.

i. In a poncho? A panache? I am . . . not sure.

19. The sun is safe.

a. Relatively. As much as any passive thing can be safe.

i. Passivity can be kind. Or cruel. What do you think it was for Icarus? Perhaps seeing the sun was worth the crash of the ocean. I don’t know.

20. Do not go out alone at night. Please.

Kaeleen Chen ’23

Crushed beneath a bulbous mind, I lie. The Dark rushed in through tears inside my mind. With a soft smile, I was ushered from my confines. He put a finger to his lips and hushed me as the embers died.

Hush child, He whispered, soft as velvet in my ear. I’m here to usher you, return you home To a place of night. Now rush, or you’ll be trapped alone. Just take my hand and come with me, or I’ll be crushed, my dear.

My hopes! My dreams, my lights were crushed and gone. But when for his hand I reached—in rushed Fire, glowing full of life! It slew the Dark and ushered me from fractured claws of strife. No longer hushed, I turned and fled into the healing dawn and light.

And, thus, the hush of Darkness broke in shattered gleam. The embers glowed and ushered me into a burst of something new. I was free, alive as day! The light rushed in as the Dark withdrew. Now in radiant flames, I stand, no longer crushed.

Finn Hoebelheinrich ’25