Coping with the loss of a loved one during the pandemic

Coping with the loss of a loved one during the pandemic Special to the Surveyor ing families employ such technology to Coping with the loss of a loved one can be challenging in the best of times, but many people have had to confront such challenges at a time that is unlike any other in modern history. By the start of the second full week of May 2020, the World Health Organization reported that roughly 279,000 people across the globe had died from the novel coronavirus COVID-19. Many of the 215 countries, areas or territories that reported cases of COVID-19 implemented social distancing measures in an effort to reduce the spread of the virus. While such efforts no doubt saved lives, they also left many people without traditional means of grieving their deceased loved ones. For example, in March the Church of England limited the number of people who could attend funerals to immediate family members only, while restrictions on gatherings in the United States made it difficult if not impossible for more than 10 people to grieve together in person. Grief is a normal process we go through in life and unfortunately not being able to be surrounded by a group of family and friends for support can take a toll. The American Psychological Association says that research has shown that social support can help people recover from such losses. Though traditional funerals and family gatherings may not be possible as the world responds to the COVID-19 outbreak, those who have lost loved ones can embrace various strategies to cope with their loss even while stay-at-home orders remain in place. • Host calls with family members and friends. The videotelephone and chat service Zoom has helped millions of people stay connected with loved ones while social distancing. Schools and universities even employed the service when in-person classroom sessions were canceled to stop the spread of the virus. The CDC recommends grievconnect with each other in the wake of a loved one’s death. • Share stories. Grieving family members are urged to share stories and pictures much like they would during wakes and funerals. Share them during group conference calls and/or via social media, emails or other modern modes of communications. Connecting in such ways can ensure no one is forced to grieve alone. • Seek support from your community. The CDC recommends seeking support from faith-based organizations or other trusted community leaders and friends. While in-person church services may not be available, many local religious leaders have made themselves available to congregants and even non-congregants who may need help grieving. Local community organizations may have grief counselors available to help people cope with loss. • Take part in an activity that meant something to you and your deceased loved one. The CDC notes that doing something in memory of a loved one can help people cope. For example, plant owers in honor of a deceased parent with whom you shared a love of gardening. Confronting the loss of a loved one during the COVID-19 outbreak can be challenging. But families can still overcome this challenge even if they cannot gather together in person.

Page 14 September 24, 2020 Berthoud Weekly Surveyor B DY S UL Health • Fitness • Mind • Spirit • Medicine • Well-Being dicine •W Wh• Fitness •h pirit •pi Wabi sabi – embrace the perfectly imperfect

Wabi-sabi is a traditional Japanese aesthetic and world view centered around the acceptance of transience and imperfection. My translation of that it is an acceptance that life is far from perfect, things are always changing, and there is beauty to be found in the perfectly imperfect.

In Japanese wabi originally referred to the loneliness of living in nature, remote from society. Sabi meant to chill, lean, or with-

Surveyor Columnist ered. Not a particularly uplifting thought. But sometime around the 14th century, the meaning began to change and take on a decidedly more positive connotation. Today it means rustic, fresh, quietness in life and can be described as understated elegance. This philosophy can be applied to everything from interior design, to relationships, to what you eat and how you approach the ups and downs of life. It’s a way of thinking that is OK with furniture with a few dings, a well-worn sweatshirt, asymmetrical Amber McIver-Traywick heirloom vegetables and handmade artwork. It’s not mass-produced and precisely perfect. There is a sense of love in the slightly messy details. An example of this concept you may have heard of is the art of kintsugi. This is where a piece of broken pottery or ceramic is put back together or restored by filling the cracks with golddusted lacquer as a way to beautifully restore the vessel for use. The damage that had been done isn’t hidden, it’s highlighted and made into something exceptionally beautiful.

It’s also a less-is-more mentality.

When we are pursuing an ideal, whether it’s in relationships, our appearance, our achievements or how much our house is worth, as we often do in modern society, we find stress and a sense of never being fulfilled. With a wabi-sabi approach, you are mindful of your responsibilities but the “more is better” is replaced with gratitude for what you are blessed with already. It’s

repurposing and finding new life in what you already have available to you.

Simply put it’s being OK with things not being perfect but finding a sense of balance in the imperfect. Here is an example from my life.

My dogs leave little nose prints on a window by the chair they dive into to bark at anyone who dares walk past our home. Those little nose prints could be a constant frustration and something else on my to-do list. Someday those little dogs won’t be around to put their “snoot-art” on the window, and yes my windows will be clean but they won’t seem like such a problem in my heart. I can still clean that window but I don’t allow it to frustrate me because it’s not perfect 24-hours a day.

In the home, it might mean incorporating an appreciation for the natural world, which is certainly not perfect, into the materials you use. This could include natural wood, cotton and linen and using asymmetry in your design. It might also mean repainting an old table or rearranging furniture around your home instead of buying something new every time you want a change. In relationships, it is accepting the imperfections in others and even in yourself.

Wabi-sabi is truly an authentic approach to the world around you. It’s stripping things down and minimizing the clutter internally and externally. It’s accepting the complexities of life but it also draws you toward as much simplicity as possible.

Berthoud Weekly Surveyor September 24, 2020 Page 15 Suicide and social distancing

Special to the Surveyor

Suicide is a significant issue across the globe. According to SAVE (Suicide Awareness Voices of Education), nearly 800,000 people die by suicide across the globe each year, and suicide is the second leading cause of death in the world for people between the ages of 15 and 24.

Suicide poses a significant threat every year, but that threat might be even greater in 2020. The global pandemic that resulted from the outbreak of the novel coronavirus COVID-19 in the winter of 2019-20 led many governments to encourage their citizens to isolate to help prevent the spread of the virus. While such restrictions were necessary, a study published in the medical journal JAMA Psychiatry in April 2020 noted that the secondary consequences of social distancing may include an increased risk of suicide.

The researchers behind the study noted that social connections play a key role in suicide prevention, which is why social distancing concerns so many mental health professionals. However, the researchers also emphasized that social distancing requires physical space between people, not social distance. By staying six feet apart and wearing masks when around friends and loved ones, individuals at risk for suicide can maintain the social connections that are so vital to their mental health.

SAVE notes that a lack of social support and a sense of isolation are a risk factor for suicide. But other factors also can increase suicide risk, and learning to recognize those risks can be especially important at a time when social distancing may be putting more people in jeopardy. SAVE notes that risk factors do not cause or predict suicide. However, the presence of the following factors can increase the likelihood a person will consider, attempt or die by suicide. • Mental disorders, particularly mood disorders, schizophrenia, anxiety disorders and certain personality disorders • Alcohol and other substance use disorders • Hopelessness • Impulsive and/or aggressive tendencies • History of trauma or abuse • Major physical or chronic illnesses • Previous suicide attempt • Family history of suicide • Recent job or financial loss • Recent loss of relationship • Easy access to lethal means • Local clusters of suicide • Stigma associated with asking for help • Lack of health care, especially mental health and substance abuse treatment • Cultural and religious beliefs, such as the belief that suicide is a noble resolution of a personal dilemma • Exposure to others who have died by suicide (in real life or via the media and internet)

People concerned about themselves or a loved one in crisis can call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 in the United States.