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Diving into dating ....................................... Judith A. Rucki
BY JUDITH A. RUCKI
This month’s Valentine’s Day is a reminder that romance exists—whether or not we’re currently in a loving relationship. For the single among us, perhaps it prompts the thought that it’s never too late for romance, but does that mean dating?
Just the word “dating” can revive “I could trust, respect, and just enjoy old anxieties. Some may even recall being with each other.” Rather than the teen years with their inopportune look for love, Reed let it come to her; breakouts, kissing with braces, and fear she met her “now forever companion” of being stood up. Dating in middle age at a church coffee hour. They started as and beyond can be just as challenging, friends, then eased into a relationship. especially after being divorced or Her advice is simple: “Don’t let widowed. Both men and women can anyone—family, friends—make you experience anxiety and disappointment feel you do not have the right to find when finding a partner proves difficult. a new reason for your life. You deserve
While about seventeen percent of to live your life with as much happiness people may suffer sarmassophobia, and joy that you can find in it.” which translates into fear of love play North Tonawanda’s Donna Kohl and essentially means fear of dating says it took about six years after being and relationships, Innovative Match widowed for her to start dating, and that founder Cassie Zampa-Keim and was driven by a desire for friendship. “It’s author of Finding Love After 50 says the great to have good conversation, enjoy biggest reason her clients fear dating is dinner and a drink together,” she says. likelihood of rejection. “It can be hard After ten years of widowhood, to put yourself out there, be scrutinized “Anonymous” from East Amherst and judged by others, and risk getting enjoys social situations, but is clear hurt, especially if someone’s hurt you that she will engage only in “holy before,” she says, but reminds clients friendships”; sex without marriage is that “the reward can far exceed the risk.” “off the table. “Ethically do what you After three years of widowhood, Jacci feel is best,” she says. “It depends on Reed of Lockport says the “loneliness of your spiritual beliefs and morality.” being alone” really set in. “I missed not As for timing, you’ll know when it’s having someone to just talk with, go right. “Every person knows [when] the for a ride with, go out to dinner with,” time comes for giving yourself approval she explains. “I missed companionship to move forward and find whatever in my life. I had a lot of widow type of companionship you want friends that were now my new circle in your life,” says Reed. Friendship, of friends. Although the support was serious commitment, marriage—there wonderful, there was a void in my life.” is no right or wrong choice.” Reed wasn’t interested in cohabitation or And that includes not dating at marriage, but in meeting a close friend all. Widowed several years, Buffalo native Sandra Edwards is not seeking a relationship. “Most of my friends are not interested in dating. They find most men are looking for a nurse or a purse,” says Edwards. “Men seem
to need and want someone on their arm. They also seem to want a lot of catering to. Most of the women I know do not care to cater to anyone. If they want to go someplace or do something, they don’t want to be spoken to about it. They live life on their terms.” Several men who prefer to remain anonymous said they don’t date because of the effort, time, and money involved. Men of means can be hesitant, wondering if women like them or what’s in their wallet. Other confirmed bachelors prefer independence and emotional distance over intimacy. If you are ready to take the plunge, get creative. Experiment with dating apps, in-person meet-up groups, book clubs, or exercise classes. Let family and friends know you’re interested in dating again. Someone in your circle might know a great match for you! FY Judith A. Rucki is a public relations consultant and freelance writer. Medicaid isn’t just something we do... its all we do! MEDICAID PLANNING AND APPLICATION REPRESENTATION 716.332.6487 20 Years of Experience Helping Families If your loved one is in a nursing home or assisted living, call Summit today! www.medicaidbysummit.com
