Alternate traditions..................... Nancy Blumenstalk Mingus

When holiday traditions go awry… Alternates can save the season

BY NANCY BLUMENSTALK MINGUS

While pandemic lockdown may have forced some families to pivot to their first virtual holidays, families have long been adapting traditions when new circumstances make the old ones hard to maintain. We may no longer have a health-related need for Zoom celebrations but, for some geographically distant families, discovering the ease of virtual gathering meant get-togethers for occasions that might have never warranted one before—like birthdays or Easter. holiday celebration often works best if dates can be fluid. “While I was growing up, we all stayed at my Aunt Lynn’s house when we visited for Thanksgiving with my mom’s side of the family,” says Sabrina Kahwaty. “My dad’s family seemed to designate Thanksgiving as the in-law holiday, so we always came to Buffalo, and so did my other aunt’s family who lived in Florida. Since we were all there every year, we started celebrating

Zoom holidays will never take the place of in-person celebrations and, when family members are spread out, accommodating them for a

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Christmas that weekend—doing the family gift exchange, seeing Santa, the works.” Though all the families now live in Buffalo and can easily celebrate Christmas on December 25, Sabrina’s mother, Donna Hoke, has a soft spot for the old tradition: “There’s something special about all living together for a few days that promotes strong bonding.”

Black Friday baking is another way to take advantage of family gathered for Thanksgiving—and inject a little Christmas. In a large—often rented, commercial—kitchen, each family

Xavier Mendoza shows off a self-designed and constructed costume during

“Canadian Thanksgiving,” 2015. Photo by Jan McDonald

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bakes several batches of their favorite Christmas cookies. When finished, the families swap cookies so everyone takes home a variety that reminds them of each other and their time together throughout the upcoming season.

In the Blumenstalk family, Halloween and Thanksgiving are combined to create a unique celebration. For nearly two decades, the Buffalo-based part of the family has driven seven hours to New Rochelle, NY, over the threeday Columbus Day weekend to celebrate Thanksgiving. The tradition originated because the parents worked in banking and didn’t get the Friday after Thanksgiving off, which didn’t leave enough time to travel and be back to work the next day. Then, because many Halloween attractions—haunted houses and Boo at the Bronx Zoo—were open by Columbus Day, creating Halloween costumes and visiting the zoo became as traditional as the Thanksgiving meal. A decade later, this writer was explaining to a colleague about the Columbus Day tradition, and she said, “I didn’t know you were Canadian.” The Blumenstalks are not, but it turns out their Thanksgiving celebration coincides with Canadian Thanksgiving, and that’s an easy moniker to explain the tradition that has now grown to include five or six households.

Celebrating out of season can get tricky. You may not be able to find a twenty-pound organic turkey in October. Or nobody has a big enough kitchen for everyone to bake. Or it might not “feel” like Christmas if you’re using a summer reunion to celebrate a winter holiday. Don’t be deterred. Very often, the new tradition—precisely because it’s different—becomes the favorite. FY

Nancy Blumenstalk Mingus is a writer, trainer and consultant based in Orleans County, NY.

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