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Flood For Thought

It is the year 2002 and Noah lives in the United States. The Lord speaks to Noah and says, "In one year I am going to make it rain and cover the whole earth with water until all is destroyed. But I want you to save the righteous people and two of every kind of living thing on the earth. Therefore, I am commanding you to build an ark."

In a flash of lightning, God delivered the specs for an ark. Fearful and trembling, Noah took the plans and agreed to build the ark. "Remember." said the Lord, "you must complete the ark and bring everything aboard in one year."

Kent, Wa.

(206) 251-5151

(800) 677-6967

Brady Hardwoods

Renton. Wa

(425) 251-0900

(800) 275-6500

Exactly one year later, a fierce storm cloud covered the earth and all the seas of the earth went into a tumult. The Lord saw Noah sitting in his front yard weeping. "Noah!" He shouted. "Where is the ark?"

"Lord, please forgive mel" cried Noah. "l did my best, but there were big problems. First, I had to get a permit for construction and your plans did not comply with the codes. I had to hire an engineering firm to redraw the plans. Then I got into a fighr with OSHA over whether or not the ark needed a sprinkler system and floatation devices. Then my neighbor objected, claiming I was

Spokane, Wa.

Distribution

(509) 928.8200

(800) s26-8231

Milling & Mittwo*

(509) 535.0101

'SLC, Utah

(801 ) 972-9393

(800) 388-9393 violating zoning ordinances by building the ark in my front yard, so I had to get a variance from the city planning commission. cMl

"I had problems getting enough wood for the ark, because there was a ban on cutting trees to protect the spotted owl. I finally convinced the Forest Service that I needed the wood to save the owls. However. the Fish & Wildlife Service won't let me catch any owls. So, no owls. The carpenters formed a union and went on strike. I had to negotiate a settlement with the National Labor Union. Now I have l6 carpenters on the ark, but no owls.

"When I started rounding up the other animals, I got sued by an animal rights group. They objected to me taking only two of each kind aboard. Just when I got the suit dismissed, the EPA notified me that I could not complete the ark without filing an environmental impact statement on your proposed flood. They didn't take kindly to the idea that they had no jurisdiction over the conduct of the Creator of the Universe. Then the Army Corps of Engineers demanded a map of the proposed new flood plain. I sent them a globe.

Tualatin, Or.

(503) 692-5801

(800) 377-5801

Wood Window Distributors

Tualatin, Or.

(503) 612-1818

(800) 292-5802

CORPORATE

HEADOUARTERS

'19855 SW 124th Ave.,

Tualatin. Or. gzooz

{503) 692-3322

(800) 926-7103

-

Eugene, Or.

(541 ) 687-041 1

(800) 75e-5e60

Medford, Or.

{541 ) 773-3696

{800) 753-3696

"Right now, I am trying to resolve a complaint filed with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission that I am practicing discrimination by not taking godless, unbelieving people aboard! The IRS has seized all my assets, claiming that I'm building the ark in preparation to flee the country to avoid paying taxes. I just got a notice fiom the state that I owe some kind of user tax and failed to register the ark as a'recreational watercraft.'

"Finally, the ACLU got the courts to issue an injunction against further construction of the ark, saying that since God is flooding the earth, it is a religious event, therefore unconstitutional.

"l really don't think I can finish the ark for another five or six years!" Noah wailed. The sky began to clear, the sun began to shine and the seas began to clam. A rainbow arched across the sky. Noah looked up hopefully. "You mean you're not going to destroy the earth, Lord?"

"No," said the Lord sadly. "Government already has."

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John Kelly, 85, long-time Pacific Northwest lumberman, died Sept. l5 in Portland. Or.

A native of Portland, Mr. Kelly managed Bonnie Studs, Arcata, Ca., for more than 20 years. During the last l0 years of his life he represented Weaver Forest Products, White City, Or.

He also worked with the American Lumber Standard Committee and served on the board of directors, West Coast Lumber Inspection Bureau.

Hiromu "Kimott Kimura. 78. retired hardware mgr., Mid-Pacific Lumber, Honolulu, Hi., died Aug.29.

Mr. Kimura was a native of Honolulu.

James D. "Jim" Gilchriest, 49, owner, H.G. Smith Lumber Co., San Diego, Ca., died of cancer Aug. I in Encinitas, Ca.

A native of San Diego and a 30year veteran of the industry, Mr.

Gilchriest purchased Ransom Brothers Lumber & Supply, Ramona and National City, Ca., in 1989.

He later took over H.G. Smith Lumber after his father's death.

Jack E. Cook, 86, retired coowner, Fall River Building Supplies, Fall River Mills, Ca., died Aug. 6 in Yuma, Az.

Rob Liebgott. 52. senior v.p.sales, marketing and advertising, TruServ Corp., died from heart failure Sept. 7.

In 1913 Mr. Liebgott joined

Home Genter Goes Green

(Continued Jiom page 9) employees and now accounts for about 47o of the company's direct sales.

The majority of the sales come from its retail showroom, call center and outside sales force, which works directly with architects, contractors and developers. The store and headquarters employ 18.

In recent years, the firm has benefited from the adoption of "green" building standards. that require recy- cling and the use of less-toxic building materials, by the city of Seattle and other cities across the country.

TruServ's predecessor, Cotter and Co., as assistant mgr. for appliances and electronics. The following year he was named general manager.

He joined Sentry Hardware in 1985 as general merchandising mgr. and v.p.-merchandising and advertising after Sentry merged with Liberty Distributors to form Distribution America in 1991. He rejoined Cotter and Co. in 1996.

Mr. Liebgott served on the trophy committee of the Hardware Group Association and Golden Hammer Retail Award Committee.

The next step is raising an additional $1.5 million to $2 million to open a second retail showroom, most likely in another city on the West Coast, said Taylor. The idea has already received interest from a few small institutional investors. "We don't need a lot of funds. We're very efficient with the funds we have," Taylor said. "Now the goal is to build a national brand."