SATES COilPANY

The Good New Days

None but the futile mourn the past, Or waste their hours in vain berating; Each day is richer than the last; There are new worlds to conquer waiting. There is no going back. Why bind Your swift pace with a phantom fetter?

Forget the good old days behind, Go on-and make the new ones better. {< * * -tedolson'

She Taught Him

Christopher Morley, in his translations from the Chinese, tells this one:

The learned behaviorist

Who had lectured for twenty years

At the Imperial University

On analytical GynosoPhy

And predicated Stimulus and Response in Woman

Met a young wench at the Feast of Lanterns

Who proved him cockeyed in thirty minutes. ***

Exasperating Moments

The merchant seaman was visiting in the home of the patriotic lady, who, despite her patriotism wasn't too well posted about things. The seaman was telling of an adventure.

"I was on the aft deck," he said, "when I saw a torpedo coming straight at us."

"Heavens," said the hostess. "I hope it was one of ours." ***

No Trouble

"Honey chile," said one dusky waitress to another. "I unestans dat you an' Mose done had trouble."

"Das a lie," said the other. "We jess had a li'l ahgument, an' I shot him, and dass as fur as h'it went."

A Worrying Fool

Bruce Magazine tells about the darkey whose friend remarked to him that he looked worried. He said:

"Boy, I'se booked up solid on worryin'. I'se got so many worries on my mind now dat if'n sumpin' happens t'me t'day, no mattah how bad h'it is, I won't have time t'worrv 'bout h'it fo' at leas' two weeks-an' mebbe mo'."

PARSLEY ON PLATES?

Thomas Dreier says that The American Association for the Prevention of Putting Parsley on Plates isn't making the progress that it should. There are still too many restaurant and hotel people who persist in putting parsley on plates. When members of the Association have thrownsuch parsley on the floor the attendants have simply picked it up and put it on other plates. It is now recommended that the patrons throw the whole plate and its contents on the foor and walk out without paytng. It is admitted that this will lead to unpleasantness with the police, but the Association for the Prevention of Putting Parsley on Plates will get valuable publicity.

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Our Horse

"I'd like to take a ride," he said, "For it would be a thrill

To gallup as we used to do

Across the wooded hill.

Where is the steed I used to ride?

I never shall forget him."

I felt my face grow hot with shameAs f confes5gd_..11rg et him.,, A. Merriam Conner.

That Was A Relief

Tit-Bits tells about two Gurkha soldiers who had volunteered with the India sky troops, asking an officer:

"From what height are we supposed to jump?"

"Five hundred feet," said the officer.

"Nothing doing," they said. "That's too high. Can't we jump from three hundred feet?"

The officer explained that from such a low height there was danger that their parachutes wbuld not open. The Gurkhas broke into grins.

"That's different," they said. "So we get parachutes."

Tnt

Wm. Cameron's "Mitre" pulls this one:

"We had a bad explosion at our house last night. Somebody told Dad the new maid was d5rnamite, so he decided to investigate. As soon as he touched her she exploded' Mother went through the foor, Grandma hit the ceiling, and Dad went all to Pieces."