BULL Magazine 2012 Issue 8 by BULL Magazine

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DRUG LYF DRAWING THE LINE YOUTH A-Z SEX TAPES CHASTITY BLUES

SEX, DRUGS

AND OTHER STUFF BULL 08_NB_final.indd 1

ISSUE 08, 2012

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ISSUE 08 CONTENTS

DRAWING THE LINE EDITORS

Bronte Lambourne Lawrence Muskitta Misa Han Pierce Hartigan Xiaoran Shi usubullmag@gmail.com

CONTENTS

CONTRIBUTORS

Mariana Podesta-Diverio, Katie Davern, Mikaela Dery, Freddy Hawk, Felicity Dunn, Emma Sinclair, Bianca Healey, Avani Dias, Alison Matthews, Christina White, Anne Belgar, Diana Pham, Adam Chalmers, Robert North, Eleanor Harrison-Dengate, Ian Ferrington, Eleanor Gordon-Smith PUBLICATIONS MANAGER

Louisa Stylian DESIGN MANAGER

Anjali Belani DESIGN

Nina Bretnall Simon Macias WWW.USUONLINE.COM LIKE US FACEBOOK.COM/USUBULLMAGAZINE The views in this publication are not necessarily the views of USU. The information contained within this edition of BULL was correct at the time of printing. This publication is brought to you by the University of Sydney Union

ISSUE 08, 2012

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DRUG LYF

DRAWING THE LINE

YOUTH A-Z

SEX TAPES

CHASTITY BLUES

Shutter Up News Columns Whatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s On Interview Campus Chatter Youniversity Food & Booze Travel Fashion Sport Science & Tech The Arts Reviews Club Hub The Bull Pen Stop. Puzzletime

04 05 06 08 17 26 33 34 35 36 38 39 40 42 45 46 47

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BULL USUONLINE.COM WHAT’S ON SHUTTER UP

DISCARDED YOUTH Empty spray cans are laid to rest in Graffiti Tunnel.

SHUTTER UP

PHOTOGRAPHER: FREDDY HAWK [CANON EOS 600D F4, 1/30]

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Send us your unique, arty or just plain cool (as in, not another quad shot) campus snap to usubullmag@gmail.com. We’ll publish our faves each edition in full page glory. High-res, 300dpi jpegs only – portrait-orientation. 12/10/12 4:24 PM

ISSUE 08 SECTION HEADING

1 The USU will be supplying 100 per cent organic Rainforest Alliance certified coffee as early as January 2013. 2 The Mandarin Debating Team has been on a winning streak!

NEWS USU COFFEE UPDATE

Coffee really is the lifeline at university. Many of us can’t begin to function without our morning hit of brew and last year, the USU served 442,032 cups of coffee to staff and students. Earlier this year in March, the USU issued a Corporate Social Responsibility (CSR) Hot Beverage tender, which came off the back of a referendum in 2010 initiated by Fairly Educated – a non-profit group focused on promoting Fair Trade movements at the university level across the globe. As a result of the referendum and ongoing consultations with Fairly Educated and Tertiary Access Group (TAG) – a nonprofit association providing Australian universities and TAFEs with business advice – the USU will be supplying 100 per cent organic Rainforest Alliance certified coffee across all outlets as early as January 2013. The coffee will be supplied by our existing supplier, Canterella Brothers, a 100 per cent Australian owned company. The decision to

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supply this line of certified coffee was made after ensuring it met TAG’s FLAG – criteria reflecting the UN’s standard of ‘sustainable development’ and covering ethical labour standards and sustainable environmental management – as well as additional questions posed by Fairly Educated. This switch is just one component of the USU’s ongoing CSR plan, which will also cover tea, drinking chocolate and packaging. As the new coffee offering is still being finalised, we encourage anyone who has questions to get in touch with our Green Ambassador, Tom Raue, who is happy to meet with you and discuss the coffee tender process and our other CSR initiatives in more detail. Contact Tom Raue: t.raue@usu.usyd.edu.au

MANDARIN DEBATING TEAM WINS Our Mandarin debating team has come home with some sterling results recently which are definitely worth a bang on about. Last month the team won the 2012 USU Mandarin Invitational Cup. Mandarin debating takes place in a different style from Western debating where several team members are involved in rapid exchanges, counter questions and player substitutions. Over a two-day competition, Sydney outdebated the opposition teams from Sydney, UTS, UNSW and ANU. The team also recently won the UNSW Tsing DaoCup and were runners up to last year’s champions in the prestigious 2012 Annual International Debating Tournament in Taiwan. But, there’s no rest for the team this month as they’re representing the USU in The Malaysian Chinese Debating Championships held in Kuala Lumpur. Congrats to Yuchen Zhang, Lingfeng Yang, Shujun Zhou, Xuefei Guo,Yanda Lu, Jingshu

Zhao, Shaolong Wang and Yichen Zhang.

NO LIMITS - VERGE FESTIVAL LET IMAGINATIONS SOAR Our beloved Verge Festival united the campus this month with a high-impact lineup of fun. Whether you were chasing zombies down Eastern Ave, shaking your booty on the dancefloor in the Dome, throwing paint at a canvas Jackson Pollock style, or absorbing the chaos from a safe distance, it’s impossible to deny that Verge Fest Directors James Colley and Lauren Eisinger didn’t show you an epic time – arguably the best ever. If the end of Verge Fest has left an empty place in your heart, there’s still plenty of shenanigans to get involved in on campus and you can look forward to the festivities of O-Week 2013. We can’t reveal the theme just yet but be ready for a three-day burst of craziness that will have you spinning out of your mind.

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BULL USUONLINE.COM COLUMNS

COLUMNS EDITORS’ NOTE PIERCE, XIAORAN, MISA, BRONTE AND LAWRENCE

PRESIDENT’S DESK

THE USU'S PRESIDENT GIVES YOU THE LOWDOWN ON WHAT'S BEEN HAPPENING IN THE BUSY USU OFFICES

ASTHA RAJVANSHI As the semester comes to a close, we celebrate the outstanding contributions made to the student experience by our most valuable asset – our members. The masquerade-themed C&S Awards Night, the USU Debating Societies annual dinner and the prized Union Blue awards are just some ways our member’s hard work and dedication is recognised. As we move to 2013, SSAF matters are pushed to the foreground. This year’s compulsory SSAF fee was up to the value of $263, which was distributed amongst student organisations including the USU, SRC and SUPRA.You may also remember the University asked students to complete the SSAF Survey in order to identify key priority areas for spending. A total of 2,779 students responded to the survey and the results indicated that the first and third highest-rated services under the SSAF (used 1 to 5 times per week) were the provision of food and drink on campus, and the administration of clubs. These results provide us with a great opportunity to respond through current and new initiatives and to work within the SSAF allocation process to secure funding for 2013 – a year which we’ll continue to strive to meet the needs of our members and the broader student community.

“There's a lot of sex in this issue,” said our boss, the lovely Louisa, “so you need to make reference to that in your editorial.” Here goes. Writing a magazine is a lot like having sex. Actually, no, it's nothing like that. Especially when your magazine is called ‘BULL’, because that would be weird and bestial. But it is fun, sweaty and, at times, infuriating. We usually need a shower afterwards. It's even better when you’re angry at the people you're doing it with. And once it’s done, we all wake up in the morning and feel a little silly about it. It's nothing like the movies. To the USU for giving us this opportunity, we say thank you. To next year’s editors, we say good luck. To our nemeses at Honi Soit, we say very little. Sorry about that - let’s have those beers now. To those of you who’ve stuck with us for the year, whether you've written words, taken photos, read our pages or just done the sudoku, we say party on. Keep livin’ the dream, and stay safe. We’ve had a blast. And get your parents to give us jobs, because we’s unemployed now.

PUBLICATION MANAGER’S NOTE LOUISA STYLIAN THANKS THE 2012 BULL EDS FOR A JOB WELL DONE. Bronte, Misa, Xiaoran, Lawrence and Pierce have been the linchpins responsible for pushing BULL to a new level this year. They’ve put aside any quests for popularity and written with heart. They’ve been fierce in their attempt to stay tuned into the frequency of the happenings on campus and managed to blend it perfectly with the issues that interest you outside these gates. Writing and editing for BULL is demanding.You have to do your research and you have to get out there and get credible interviews before crafting your words.You need to be charming, have tenacity and be a bit pushy. And these guys, together with our contributors, have done it all with an air of professionalism and oomph. I must admit, it hasn’t always been smooth sailing. There’s been many a late night pouring over pagination sheets, bylines, closing paragraphs and pull quotes, and you’ve ticked me off with missed deadlines in every issue. But you’re passion for writing has truly inspired me and you’ve shown me how important it is to remain true to yourself. I’m sad our time as a team must end. But you’re destined for great things, so off you go. I’ll miss you, you amazing, talented bunch of zany kids. Louisa xx

BULL xx

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BULL USUONLINE.COM WHAT’S ON

WHAT’S ON WK 11 (OCTOBER) WK 12 (OCTOBER)

EXAMS

STUVAC

WK 13 (OCTOBER)

MON

TUE

FOR THE FULL CALENDAR OF EVENTS – HEAD TO USUONLINE.COM AND CLICK THE CALENDAR. CLUBS AND SOCS – REMEMBER TO SUBMIT YOUR EVENTS ON THE WEBSITE!

WED

THU

FRI

SURG FM END OF SEMESTER PARTY & AWARDS NIGHT

GET UP! STAND UP! COMEDY GALA

C&S AWARDS NIGHT

SHADES PRESENTS: HALLOQUEEN

7pm, Manning Bar

1pm, Manning Bar

10pm, Zanzibar

6pm, Hermann’s Bar

THEATRESPORTS® GRAND FINAL 7.30pm, Manning Bar

OOOO, HALLOWEEN

02 THE SYDNEY ARTS BALL 2012 6.30pm, Turbine Hall, Powerhouse Museum

STUVAC

EXAMS

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ISSUE 08 WHAT’S ON

MONDAYS

WEEK 11 MONDAY 15 OCTOBER

EVER WEEKY

FREE FILM SCREENING 6pm, International Student Lounge

SUPA ELECTIONS 2012

SU COSTUME SOCIETY AGM

12-3pm, SUPA Office

4-5pm, Isabel Fidler Room, Manning House

SU LAW REVUE SOCIETY AGM

TUESDAYS

6-8pm, Common room, Holme Building

EVER WEEKY

AUSTRALIAN DISCUSSION GROUP

CHINESE LAW STUDENTS SOCIETY AGM

3-4pm, International Student Lounge

6-7.30pm, Seminar Room100, New Law Building

TUESDAY TV 12-3pm, Manning Bar

ROCK YA BALLS BINGO 5-6pm, Hermann’s Bar

HERMANN’S TRIVIA

WEDNESDAYS

EVER WEEKY

FORNIGHTLY FUNCH (FUN @ LUNCH) 1-2pm, Eastern Ave 24 October

MANNING TRIVIA

5-7pm, Badham Room, Holme Building

THURSDAY 18 OCTOBER

WEDNESDAY 24 OCTOBER VETS BEYOND BORDERS AGM 1-2pm, Webster Lecture Theatre

FINE ARTS SOCIETY AGM 2-3pm, Isabel Fidler room, Manning House

THURSDAY 25 OCTOBER SUSPENSE & MYSTERY SOCIETY AGM 1-2pm, Isabel Fidler Room, Manning House

TOP PICKS WEDNESDAY 13 Friday 26 October 2012 8pm, Manning Bar Wednesday 13, the undisputed leader in Horrorpunk, will return to Australia this October for his own headline shows after recently joining the Soundwave 2012 lineup earlier this year. Since the announcement of Wednesday 13’s sold out Annandale show, the band and promoter have been inundated with hundreds of emails from disappointed fans. To cope with the demand, we can announce that Manning Bar will now host the gore-filled, ghoul-fest live show. Tickets

Access: $37.40 + bf from Access Desk General $44 + bf from manningbar.com

SUCE AGM 12-1pm, Civil Engineering Lecture Room 1

SUMS AGM

5-6pm, Manning Bar

FILM SOCIETY FREE FILM SCREENING 6pm, International Student Lounge

1-2pm, Room 351, Carslaw Building

STUDENT LIFE AGM

SUNSET JAZZ 6:30-9:30pm, Manning Bar

PROJECT 52 COMEDY 7.30-10.30pm, Hermann’s Bar

THURSDAYS

EVER WEEKY

THEATRESPORTS

1-2pm, Manning Bar

POOL COMPETITION 4-6pm, International Student Lounge

FRIDAYS

TUESDAY 16 OCTOBER SUANIME AGM

1-2pm, Hermann’s Bar

WEEK 12 TUESDAY 23 OCTOBER

EVER WEEKY

WEEKEND WARM-UP DJS 4-7pm, Manning Bar

5-6.30pm, Meeting Room 1, Holme Building

SUDA AGM 5.30-6.30pm, Wilkinson Building

SU UNIBODHI AGM 5.30-6.30pm, Common room, Holme Building

NACHTMAHR FEAT: SHIV-R & VIRAL MILLENNIUM Friday 2 November 2012 8pm, Hermann’s bar NACHTMAHR, the newest project of Austrian Thomas Rainer, is known for their exhibitions of heavy, distorted beats, driving bass lines and addictive melodies which attest to their goal of total club domination. After their show stealing performances on their last jaunt Down Under, NACHTMAHR return to Oz in November to make us all feel the beat. The Austrian industrial project is set to continue on the uncompromising and relentless path of destruction with their now-trademarked heavy beats, galvanic bass lines and an album which has already made number one positions in German charts. With only two albums, NACHTMAHR has transformed from a complete newcomer into one of the driving forces of the industrial scene today and their new album Semper Fidelis will triumph them to lead the project to even higher ground.

Tickets Access: $28.05 + bf from Access Desk General: $33 + bf from hermannsbar.com P: 1300 762 545

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BULL USUONLINE.COM FEATURE

ELEANOR GORDON-SMITH GETS AN UNOFFICIAL MINOR IN PHARMACY.

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ISSUE 08 FEATURE

lmost two decades after the fatal overdose of fifteen-year-old Anna Wood, rates of drug abuse in Australian high schools are blessedly low. Ninetysix per cent* of HSC-takers claim to have never taken amphetamines and 98 per cent say they’ve never taken opiates. But the ‘never-taken’ numbers begin to plummet at the beginning of university and most risk-taking behaviours known to young adults statistically start to pick up as the mix of new friends and new freedom inclines people to experiment.

This might be enough to explain a general upswing in drug taking between school and uni, but one peculiar kink in the data is this: usage rates are higher among 18-25 year old students than 18-25 year old apprentices, jobworkers or carers. Part of the trend here is that drug abuse at university doesn’t just cover the standard government-image of drugs designed for raves and schoolies, the sort of drugs that make you chew your jaw off and wonder whose hands these are. They encompass an altogether different class of drug: prescription drugs heartily munched and huffed by people without prescriptions. The Government says, through those grim ecstasy ads featuring a filthy toilet in a dingy bathroom: “your drugs are made of rat poison and bleach by a man with no teeth who supports the Bulldogs.” No they don’t, say we, they come sealed in a packet in regulated amounts and we get them from a legal business staffed by a white-coated professional. It’s a trend that largely started in the US. Methylphenidates like Ritalin and dexamphetamines like Adderall were highly prescribed for children with attention and hyperactivity problems. It’s a common complaint that ADHD is over-diagnosed and that Ritalin is over-prescribed – over 600,000 scripts a year run off GP printers in Australia. Ritalin is a decent concentration aid to anyone, with or without ADHD, it keeps you awake and forces you to focus. It was quickly misappropriated as an all-night-study drug for students without a prescription but with deadlines. Those with access to the pills could make a neat amount on the side and those with grades to worry about and not enough

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Ritalin earned itself the nickname ‘kiddie cocaine’ because when crushed up and snorted it has a similar, very muted, effect.

time were able to lay off the V and M&Ms in favour for something a bit stronger (and with fewer calories). A market created about twenty years ago now, these drugs quickly bled into recreational use. Recreational in a way that staying up all night to do an essay is not. Ritalin earned itself the nickname ‘kiddie cocaine’ because when crushed up and snorted it has a similar, very muted, effect. Ritalin is similar in chemical structure, metabolisation and clinical effects to other more serious amphetamines and its abuse shares many of the same effects. Tolerance builds up at an incredibly rapid

rate, as does dependence. It’s a pattern familiar to addicts and their families: you need more, more often. The “gateway” drug mantra is one oft-bleated by politicians who are for a zero tolerance approach to drugs. One drug, the argument goes, leads to another, because people keep searching for the high they had the first time. This belief ignores a couple of obvious things like the fact that marijuana and cocaine have utterly different effects or that many people are averse to intravenous drug use or that no statistic ever has indicated that heroin users started with a joint. With Ritalin though, it’s easy to see the argument; it’s structurally very like cocaine, snorting powder is a replicable act that stimulates some part of an addicted brain, and the rate at which tolerance builds may spur users onto stronger substances in search of the same effect. The effects of addiction can be devastating, even for those accustomed to drug use. Jack**, 21, is a Melbourne-based purveyor of drugs, pharmaceutical and otherwise. He used to see people “turn up in ER with shit pouring out of their noses that [he] sold them a few hours ago” and decided that since he was in the business of providing pleasure, not harm, he would no longer sell to people who identified themselves as having a problem – or even those who his gut told him bought too much too often. He says “it’s difficult because people can obviously go elsewhere, but in uni circles if I stop selling to someone, most of the other sellers at uni will stop too. They can always go outside but that means finding someone to give you a number and dealing with strangers via strangers. A lot of people have thanked me four months down the line for not answering their 4am hysterical withdrawal call.” There’s been no major investigation into prescription drug abuse in this country but in the US, this transition is a major concern. The overdose and addiction side effects are similar: weight loss from appetite suppression, heart palpitations, panic, overwhelming anxiety and addiction. Ritalin can cause psychotic breaks even in people with prescriptions. At the other end of the prescription drug market are tranquilisers and benzodiazepines, a hangover from a period in the 1970s where ‘Valium Housewives’ were a known trend throughout Australia. Depressed, anxious and sitting in an empty house all day, women were prescribed central nervous system depressants by well-meaning GPs and for many, the addiction began. Twenty per cent of students

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BULL USUONLINE.COM FEATURE

“A lot of people have thanked me four months down the line for not answering their 4am hysterical withdrawal call.”

over the age of 18 report having misused benzodiazepines, a figure far higher than its counterparts over in the truly-properly illegal category. Sleeping pills and anti-anxiety medications are medicine cabinet staples in many households in Australia. Parents who have their own disorders, or are as over-prescribed as their children, present an opportunity that a child after a buck or a high can easily take advantage of. Is this a cause for concern? It depends on your position in the drug debate. Those on the harm minimisation camp would do well to champion drugs that come out of packets. They’re cleaner, more reliable in purity – since pharmacists have exactly no incentive to dilute their stock – and less likely to be financing organised crime. There are fewer disincentives for an overdose patient to resist calling an ambulance and they’re substantially cheaper than their illegal counterparts. The only objection for a harm minimisationist to have is that, being technically unlawful, these pills operate in what is functionally a cartel, where prices are pegged and consumers don’t have a lot of choice or avenues of appeal. Zerotolerancers object on the grounds that all drugs are harmful drugs but zero-tolerancers already have a reputation for wearing beige cardigans and side parts so this is hardly surprising. A more interesting objection has been raised by Cambridge University neuropsychologist Barbara Sahakian: that these drugs provide an unfair academic advantage to those misusing them. They are an illegal performance enhancer, and universities ought to respond to this black market as sporting authorities have. We should recognise and condemn them as a false boost to those who do not work for their glory. We should reward self-improvement and endeavour and not the consumption of a pill. She has proposed introducing ‘dope tests’ for major examinations, though it’s difficult to see how to test for assistance in take-home assessments

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or long-term work like a thesis. Some are fervently on board Sahakian’s bandwagon, while others say there’s no difference between Ritalin, Adderall and other ‘leg-up’ techniques like tutors or memory exercises. Stanford neuroethicist Henry Greely defends this position arguing prescription drugs “should be viewed in the same general category as education, good health habits, and information technology - ways that our uniquely innovative species tries to improve itself.” A final and more serious objection involves recognising these as dependent substances. University amplifies the circumstances surrounding addiction. These drugs are predictably highly concentrated at university, a place populated by people with money, access to healthcare and a need to meet deadlines. Anyone trying to extricate themselves from the grasp of a habit is, by virtue of their educational surrounds, embroiled in an institution and in social networks that function on the substance they are charged with resisting. Ask anybody who’s ever come off anything or even seen Trainspotting – restricting your access to the substance in question is the first and most important act of self-discipline in the entire process. Alcoholics Anonymous recommends that recovering addicts phone ahead to any hotels they’ll be staying at and ask them to remove the dwarf spirit bottles from the mini bar, and the smoking Quitline tells you to stay away from smoking areas of pubs. It’s a process that is difficult enough in the outside world where – for serious addicts – friendships must be severed, phone numbers deleted and entire suburbs avoided. In the pocket of university a peculiar duality exists: you must come here for work and to be on track, but to come here is to surround yourself with the circumstances that create a desire and the connections that mean you can fulfil it. Current estimates say 1 in 10 young people admit to having misused prescription medication. The National Drug Strategy Survey

reported that more than 1.2 million Australians use prescription medication for “a nonmedical purpose.” Services exist to help young people remove themselves from the grasp of prescription drugs, just like any other addictive substance, though it can be a challenge to admit the problem has escalated to the point of addiction and to seek help from places that also cater to heroin addicts. The United States has recognised this growing trend as a key challenge. Until Australia does the same, these substances – designed to help – are going to continue to hurt.

* Statistics from ancd.org.au and aihw.gov.au **Name changed to protect identity

IF YOU THINK YOU MAY HAVE DRUG OR ANXIETY PROBLEMS, VISIT THE COUNSELLING SERVICE IN THE JANE FOSS RUSSELL BUILDING, NEXT TO THE WENTWORTH BUILDING.

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ISSUE 08 FEATURE

PIERCE HARTIGAN PAINTS HIMSELF INTO A CORNER WITH SOME OF AUSTRALIA’S LEADING POLITICAL CARTOONISTS.

here’s no getting around it, John Howard had some pretty impressive eyebrows. Big, luxurious, thick and expressive furry face-slugs, right on the face, between those sexy dry Lib battler specs and that big ol’ dome we got to know so well. Kevin Rudd by comparison had a face like a sad, idealistic, shortsighted moon, and at times unnervingly youthful silver-blond hair. We know today that Julia Gillard has an awkward figure, red hair and fair skin, and Tony Abbott sits somewhere between Popeye the Sailor Man and a gorilla with a speedo fetish and the ears of a marsupial. So say our major newspapers, anyway.

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BULL USUONLINE.COM FEATURE

PETER NICHOLSON’S ARTWORK COURTESY OF THE AUSTRALIAN

olitical cartoonists might just have the best job in print media. Amid the words and figures, ‘objective’ reporting and ‘balanced’ opinion, these artists have the wonderful privilege of being able to call bullshit on behalf of the rest of us, and to rub some of the glitter off the spinning turds our leaders fling at us. In a market where people have less time to digest more media, cartoons’ ability to cut through is as important as ever. While picking on physical traits isn’t particularly clever, when your purpose is to cut someone down to size, low blows aren’t always off the table. “The point of cartooning, mine anyway, is to ridicule,” says Sydney Morning Herald cartoonist Alan Moir. “[Leaders] have enormous power and will mislead us with spin whenever they can. Sometimes they need to be brought down a peg or two.” Freelancer Fiona Katauskas agrees for the most part, but thinks sometimes cartoonists let

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“The features have to have a point though – for instance, I’m fine with giving Julia Gillard a long nose, but I’m not so comfortable with some of the male cartoonists who focus on her arse.”

themselves go too far. “Caricature has a long tradition of exaggerating people’s features and that’s part of making them recognisable,” she says. “The features have to have a point though – for instance, I’m fine with giving Julia Gillard a long nose, but I’m not so comfortable with some of the male cartoonists who focus on her arse.” The Australian’s Peter Nicholson sees it a little differently. “At the end of the day, all you’ve got is a little bit of paper with a drawing on it,” he says. “If you’ve got a likeness which is unmistakeable and you can make someone look funny before you even think of a caption as well, then that’s always a plus.” Nicholson, who draws a fairly unflattering Julia Gillard (see above), also defends his portrayal of the prime ministerial booty. “Watching the footage from the night when Gillard took over the leadership, it looked almost as though she was being propelled by someone pushing her from behind,”

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ISSUE 08 FEATURE

IMAGE COURTESY OF ALAN MOIR

IMAGE COURTESY OF FIONA KATAUSKAS

he says. “My drawings of her are really based on that impression.” [Eds: Sure…] Editorial cartoons and other satirical illustrations questioning social and political leadership have been widespread since the invention of the printing press in the late fifteenth century, and physical caricature has been a part of that for nearly as long. As a weapon for propaganda and political criticism, the right cartoon can be devastating. Indeed, Moir’s hero, fellow Kiwi-comegood David Low, found himself on multiple Nazi hitlists as a result of his depictions of Axis leaders during the Second World War. [Moir’s career began at eleven when he was busted drawing his teachers and his headmaster rewarded his talent by giving him a book of Low’s cartoons instead of a detention.] Looking around the country’s leading papers, professional cartooning certainly isn’t the easiest field to get into. Most

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of the capital city and national mastheads’ staff cartoonists have been in the job for a long time, and aren’t looking to hang up their brushes any time soon. “There is a small pool of cartoonists in Australia, and those with the prized staff positions are well-paid. As there isn’t a huge range of publications, staff cartoonists tend to stick at their job until they retire, which is great for them but does block the way for younger cartoonists coming up,” says Katauskas. Shifts away from hard copy publication aren’t helping either, suggests Moir, but it’s not as though people have stopped reading. “The combination of hard copy circulation and unique online visitors has actually led to a 30 per cent increase in readership overall, but that needs to be converted into cash to sustain a decent salary for journalistic and artistic staff,” says Moir. “The opportunity to get paid for your work is far, far

more limited than when I was starting out,” Katauskas adds. “The vast majority of websites don’t have a profitable business model, and can only afford to pay around a quarter of what newspapers paid for the same thing 15 years ago.” That’s not to say there aren’t opportunities. “In some ways, the opportunities to be published now are much greater – there are a huge number of websites wanting ‘content’ – fuck, I hate that word – and good online magazines,” says Katauskas. Nicholson urges budding artists to be persistent. “You can’t be too picky. Sometimes it’s just a local newspaper or a website or commercial organisation looking for commercial cartoons, and you just have to go out there and get published, putting more and more pages in your portfolio.” Nicholson was luckier than most when he began his career. After being involved with university revues, he dropped out of his law degree and began doing animations

for the ABC and Fast Forward while he honed his craft as a satirist, contributing to wherever would publish his work, until landing a staff position at The Age. Moir wasn’t so lucky, working as a cleaner and in factories to supplement his income in the beginning, in addition to the occasional book cover and album sleeve, including AC/DC’s Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap. He didn’t land a staff position until the age of 33 with the Brisbane Courier Mail, and took up his current post at the Herald in 1984. “I never dared think it wouldn’t work out. I’d have gone on to the UK if there was nothing in Australia,” he says. Katauskas’ career was less planned. After studying politics and working for overseas aid and human rights NGOs for several years, she found herself retrenched. “For years I’d been making cards for friends and doing cartoons for advocacy campaigns without ever really thinking about it, until a friend hassled (and hassled) me

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BULL USUONLINE.COM FEATURE

to give cartooning a go,” she says. “Without any other options or any real idea what I was doing, I sent off a few folios of cartoons and was lucky to get published quite quickly.” It’s certainly not the easiest job in the world – not only do cartoonists have to be across all aspects of news and current affairs and be accomplished artists in their own right, they have to make us laugh as well. Nicholson believes the hardest part is coming up with a gag to use. “I usually start with a fairly clichéd idea, but then I’ll start another drawing and I’ll turn that idea around and go from there. Once I get going, I usually end up hitting on something I like. But if you just sit there waiting for the winner, after a while you just end up getting miserable and depressed.” “It’s funny though,” he adds, “half the time the editor will choose the very first one which I didn’t like because I thought it was so clichéd. A lot of the time, the really simple one is the best one, the one they want.” Moir is a fan of simplicity as well. “I look for a visual pun preferably, as I like wordless cartoons if possible – they stick

in the mind better.” Katauskas isn’t so sure. “Cartoons show a metaphor, and image and text which have to be unravelled to be understood. It’s that mental click – especially when it provokes laughter – that is so satisfying.” What unites these cartoonists, aside from considerable comedic and artistic ability, is the love-hate relationship with politics and politicians which fuels their satire. “I like to do cartoons on things I have opinions about, and it makes a welcome change from screaming at the radio,” says Katauskas. As to whether the current crop of pollies provide better or worse material for cartoons than in years gone by, opinion is divided. For Moir, a hung parliament and recent scandals affecting voting numbers have made for great material. “A buffoon always helps,” he adds. Katauskas is less inspired. “The worst of times for everyone else are the best of times for satire,” she says. “I think our current crop of politicians are far less subtle in their strategising and spin than they used to be, which is depressing. “These should be good times for satire, but at the moment it feels like politicians are doing our jobs for us.” Amen, sister.

It’s certainly not the easiest job in the world – not only do cartoonists have to be across all aspects of news and current affairs and be accomplished artists in their own right, they have to make us laugh as well.

IMAGE COURTESY OF ALAN MOIR

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ISSUE 08 INTERVIEW

INTERVIEW

LEIGH SALES

AVANI DIAS GETS TOTALLY DEMOLISHED BY 7.30 ANCHOR LEIGH SALES, WE ASSUME.

HEY LEIGH, HOW’S IT GOING? It’s a bit mediocre today – four hours sleep, a sick baby, a late start to work after I took him to the doctor and, shortly, an interview with a senior politician. Eeeeeeek!

IT’S BEEN JUST OVER A YEAR SINCE YOU TOOK OVER THE CHAIR ON 7:30 – TAKE US THROUGH HOW IT HAPPENED. WAS IT HARD TAKING OVER FROM KERRY O’BRIEN? I adored Lateline but I accepted the job at 7.30 because I felt that I couldn’t knock back the offer to host the prime-time current affairs program. It was nerveracking taking over from Kerry – he’s such a huge and formidable presence. I said to my boss when I took the job that I felt it would take three years for the audience to accept me. Nonetheless, I have never tried to emulate anyone or be anyone but myself.

“My musical taste is pretty diverse – I play the piano so I like classical music but the last concert I went to was Dolly Parton.”

YOU’VE BECOME SOMETHING OF A SOCIAL MEDIA PHENOMENON IN RECENT MONTHS, WITH YOUR INTERVIEWS WITH JOHN LAWS, ANTHONY ALBANESE AND MOST POPULARLY TONY ABBOTT GETTING HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF HITS. WHAT SPRINGS TO MIND WHEN YOU HEAR YOU ARE GOING TO INTERVIEW PEOPLE LIKE THIS? I always think it’s time to start doing my homework. I usually feel a bit intimidated going into any interview so I try to compensate for that by doing solid preparation.

HOW DO YOU DO IT? IT’S SO WATCHABLE BUT YOU COMPLETELY ANNIHILATE THESE PEOPLE (IN A GREAT WAY!) AND YOU SEEM TO HAVE GROWN WITH THE SHOW AS WELL. The key is just to be well prepared and to listen to what they’re saying and follow up accordingly. As for me growing, I think it took a while for me to get used to a new format – on Lateline I had fifteen minutes to do interviews and now I usually have about six minutes. Plus I think the audience takes time to adjust to a new host of any program, particularly when the same person has been in the job for many years.

YOU ARE ONE OF THE MOST INFLUENTIAL PEOPLE IN THE MEDIA AT THE MOMENT; DO YOU THINK THAT YOUR GENDER WAS AN OBSTACLE AT ALL ON THE JOURNEY TO THIS STAGE? I was reflecting on this very question earlier this week and I am very fortunate to be able to say that I don’t believe my gender has ever been an issue in getting to this stage. I’ve been lucky to have great men and women as mentors and colleagues.

DO YOU CONSIDER YOURSELF A FEMINIST? I do. I believe women deserve equal pay, equal rights and equal opportunity.

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WHO HAS BEEN YOUR FAVOURITE PERSON TO INTERVIEW IN YOUR CAREER AND WHY? I love it when people are authentically themselves, so John Laws last week was a treat. I’m a big fan of the book Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil so it was a huge thrill to interview the author, John Berendt. I also loved speaking with the editor of The Economist, John Mickelthwait, because he is so erudite and engaging. Probably the career highlight though was hosting an hour-long special featuring the US Secretary of State, Hillary Clinton.

WHAT DID YOU STUDY AT UNI? WHAT WAS UNI LIKE FOR YOU? I did a full-time undergrad degree – a Bachelor of Business (Communications) majoring in Journalism. Once I was working, I did part-time study to get a Masters of Arts majoring in International Relations. I absolutely loved uni – I was with a great group of smart, sassy women (and one or two men) and we still keep in touch. It was a wonderful time in my life.

LASTLY, WHAT MUSIC DO YOU LIKE AND WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU AREN’T PUTTING POLITICIANS IN THEIR PLACE? Well, I have to be honest and say that yesterday morning while I was pureeing food for the baby to freeze, I was listening to Mix 80s on the radio and having a loud singalong. My musical taste is pretty diverse – I play the piano so I like classical music but the last concert I went to was Dolly Parton. My favourite contemporary band is the British indie pop outfit Gomez. I think they’re stellar musicians, very creative. My favourite album ever is Abbey Road by The Beatles. As for what I do when not at work – at the moment, it’s pretty much all work and then when I’m at home, all baby. I love baking though and probably bake something every second week. I also like dinner parties and having loud, boisterous nights over lots of wine with friends who make me laugh.

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BULL USUONLINE.COM FEATURE

THE BULL GUIDE TO XIAORAN SHI AND MARIANA PODESTA-DIVERIO WERE TRUSTED TO WRITE THIS FOR REASONS UNKNOWN.

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s humans, we’ve been around for a while.

According to scientific research (or at least, the Internet, which is arguably one of the most glorious fruits of science), Homo sapiens are primates belonging to the family Hominidae who, nurtured by the terrifyingly efficient ways of evolution, began to resemble its presentday counterpart about 250,000 years ago and reached full behavioural modernity just 50,000 years ago. Nonetheless, that millennia-long

development is but a blink of the eye in the history of the universe. It's less than one per cent of life as we know it in our 13.75 billion year old, continuously expanding universe. When taking into account the existence of our species within the context of the totality of the universe, we are humbled. We are but young. Welcome to the BULL Guide to Youth where we’ll be taking you through the highs and lows of being a member of an age bracket that is largely considered to be “the prime of one’s life.”

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ISSUE 08 FEATURE

AGEING

Long gone are the days of muscular resilience and epidermal elasticity.You’ve just woken up for the fifth day in a row with an unexplained pain in your lower back and a jarring neck stiffness heretofore unknown. Sleeping habits continue to crawl into the ‘sensible’ zone as you strive to balance early-morning tutorials with what little remains of your once vivacious social life. Those vitamin supplements your aunt spoke so highly of at Saturday’s family barbecue might be a good idea after all. SPECIAL MENTIONS: allnighters, acne, astrology, adulthood.

BINGE DRINKING

DEEP AND MEANINGFUL CONVERSATIONS

These are usually reserved for the fragmenting embers of late-night house party attendees and post-movie date coffees, but don’t be fooled by the seemingly simplistic nature of this form of social bonding. D&Ms can shed light on the more mysterious souls of your friendship circle as well as giving people the chance to air their bottled-up grievances. SPECIAL MENTIONS: deluding yourself, dignity (retention of), dancing in public, deep fried foods.

See also the entry for the letter ‘M’. SPECIAL MENTIONS: Blackboard Learning System, bad decisions, bankruptcy, break-ups.

CAFFEINE

Universally regarded as a socially acceptable addiction in the developed West, caffeine has long been praised for its comfortably stimulating influence over the malleable minds of undergraduates. At less than four dollars a cup, it’s hard to believe that a substance so brown and gooey could be the delightfully tasty purveyor of the productivity binge to which caffeine addicts are privvy. SPECIAL MENTIONS: collusion, courtesy, Centrelink, common sense.

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if you have rationally arrived at the conclusion that it furthers the feminist cause. Trust us, your deathbed self will thank you for it. N.B. Giving a fuck is also a viable course of treatment. SPECIAL MENTIONS: grammar (Nazism regarding), getting over yourself, glowsticks, gym attendance.

HYGIENE

EXPERIMENTATION

Some of the greatest things in the world, like Spandex, prophylactics and deep fryers, were brought to you courtesy of the scientific method. Thus, conducting experiments with your own mind and body can only be a good thing, right? Now that we’re on the same page, go forth and hypothesise. Whether you’re trying to find the perfect study aid (drugs), coping mechanism (drugs), hobby (drugs), addiction (drugs), or drug for you, there’s only one way to find out. (Hint: it’s experimentation). SPECIAL MENTIONS: emoticons, eating for the sole purpose of satisfying hunger, eye contact, existentialism.

An adventure for socialites and recluses alike, excessive amounts of alcohol are renowned for delivering a well-earned blow to your bank account as well as your dignity. Long nights of indulging in copious amounts of tangy cider can often be just what the doctor ordered, and who are you to deny medical advice?

FEELINGS

Yes, it’s okay to have them without sounding like an overbearing twat. Life is short and should accordingly be lived with an emotional range resembling something more complex than a teaspoon. Don’t be afraid to put yourself on the line for the friends you hold dear. Get angry, be ecstatic. And for the love of politics and love affairs, fight the good fight. SPECIAL MENTIONS: fighting for your right to party, “fun,” friends, free stuff.

GIVING A SHIT

They say that judging something before you’ve tried it makes you a thigh-slapping, sexist slaveowner. And you’re not a thigh-slapping, sexist slave-owner, are you? Didn’t think so. Well, in that case, you should know full well that it pays to be open to new experiences. No one wants to lie on their deathbed and reminisce about the countless hours they spent methodically tagging photos of themselves on Facebook, or masturbating until the act loses all sense of humanity and joy. Luckily for you, giving a shit is the number one cure against the disease that is your life up until this moment, so sign up for that animal negotiation class. Write that Derridean deconstruction of Ulysses. Burn a bra

For the armpits of every stinky commuter you have to deal with, there is a lack of personal hygiene protocol that made them that way. By the time us worldly undergrads have hit university age, the majority of us have a certain dominion over how we maintain our bodies to ensure their fitness in a fast-paced, androcentric environment. Thanks to scientific advancements, we have a myriad of personal hygiene products at our disposal, with special creams and treatments available for every inch of our bodies – inside and out. We’re even lucky enough to be flooded with advertisements telling us exactly what’s wrong with our disgusting bodies while offering solutions to leakages and stinks we didn’t even know we had. SPECIAL MENTIONS: humility, HBO, hipsters, human condition, the.

INTERNET, THE

If you don’t know what this is or why it’s included in this list, then statistically speaking, you’re either a) some kind of sentient pond scum that acquired literacy through radioactive mutation and public education or b) the most productive and self-disciplined human being alive. Whatever the case may be, your efforts are to be applauded, quite possibly through some sort of long-winded, congratulatory status update. SPECIAL MENTIONS: integrity, ice cubes, inventing words, indecisiveness.

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BULL USUONLINE.COM FEATURE

JUVENILE DELINQUENCY

points you might one day need. SPECIAL MENTIONS: korma, potassium, knickerbockers.

LOVE

Try it once, if only to understand what it’s like to live in a world where Adele not only makes sense, but also sounds kinda good. No refunds, though. See also the entries for letters ‘F’ and ‘G’. SPECIAL MENTIONS: listening, literacy, ‘liking’ things on Facebook discerningly, laughing out loud.

If you never took a biro to the wall of your high school’s toilet cubicle to scrawl a profanity relating to a fellow classmate or teacher, you should be disappointed with yourself. A highlight of the widely acclaimed “growing up” process is the virtually unrestricted audacity of teenagers to get away with shit no one else could pull off. Imagine an adult rebelling against authority, showing a disregard for punctuality and spreading rumours behind the backs of their colleagues. Only Disney villains, that is, a man of whatever ethnic minority is being targeted at any one point in time, could be capable of such atrocities. SPECIAL MENTIONS: jealousy, jumping castles, joking around, jalapenos.

KARMA

MODERATION

Let’s be honest. Who needs it? Unless you’re a calorie-counting cheapskate with no sense of humour, you’re best to let loose if you want to milk this sweet life for all it’s worth. However, one must strike a balance. As long as you aren’t excessively indulging in behaviours or substances that are causing you notable harm, take every day as it comes.

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PROCRASTINATION

The key to powering through a to-do list is making meta-lists dictating the time you can set aside for the completion of tasks. The best time is not now. It might be tomorrow. But then it isn’t tomorrow, and might actually be the day after. As deadlines fast approach, the clock ticks by and it isn’t the only witness to your endless scrolling through the Facebook news feed. Seasoned procrastinators are well-versed in the perils of the night-before anxiety attacks that befall the best of us. These people should be your first port of call when acquiring tips (drugs) for staying awake until the wee hours. SPECIAL MENTIONS: pretension, punctuality, postmodernism, picking fights.

QUARTER-LIFE CRISIS

It’s gotten to the stage where you have two solid

SPECIAL MENTIONS: milestones.

NOT GIVING A SHIT

This is not a license to be a callous arsehole. Believe it or not, there is actually nothing in this universe or the one parallel to it that entitles anyone to be a callous arsehole, so the next time someone tries to justify getting all up in your grill by whipping out their CA license, you better tell them to shove it. Then report them for forging false documents. Then punch a couple of pillows when you get home. Then call your mother to ask about the most effective approach to take regarding loan repayments and burst into tears when you can no longer contain your tortured emotions before hanging up abruptly. Then look at pictures of cats on the Internet until you pass out. Then wake up in the morning with drool on your carpet and not give a shit about any of it. Self-actualisation right there. SPECIAL MENTIONS: not paying alimony, nudity, numbing the pain inside, noodles (instant).

That age-old feeling of being bitten in the arse by a poorly executed act of defiance can be difficult to ignore as it whittles away your glutei. As life goes on, the backlog of youthful misadventures and sneakily unlawful breaches of social protocol that you’ve built up can really start to take its toll. If cheesy Disney movies are anything to go by – and they are – what goes around comes around. So be sure to send out good vibes, lest you tarnish the potential karma

SPECIAL MENTIONS: other people, on the prowl, organisational skills, overcompensation.

OPPRESSION

It is a truth universally acknowledged that any young person subject to oppression must be in want of less oppression. In the university battleground, there is a stark and crippling divide between tutors and undergraduates. Students are constantly expected to hand in work on time, complete endless pages of readings and turn up to class on a weekly basis. How much longer will you sit back and watch this ungodly powerplay unfold?

decades of existence behind you along with a handy hardening of the soul that can only come with age and maturity. As you enter the realm of rent-paying and self-oriented grocery shopping, you begin to feel how short life is. Suddenly, the grand milestones of 30 and 50 are no longer a blemish in the distance. It’s not unusual for sufferers of the quarter-life crisis to purchase extravagant bikes and scooters - this age bracket’s answer to the red Porsche. SPECIAL MENTIONS: qualms (about everything), quacks, quarrelsome, quick to dismiss.

REGRETS

After you’ve meticulously combed Alan Jones’ entire oratory history for a single grain of truth or insight, and after you’ve attempted to identify the exact parameters of Snooki’s contributions to society, then and only then should you consider having some regrets.You know why nobody has ever suggested those three activities

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ISSUE 08 FEATURE

as productive endeavours, like, ever? They’re bullshit, that’s why. You’re 20 years old; that low Credit probably won’t be the chief motive behind your spouse running off with that new intern. Most likely scenario, it’s your tendency to chew obnoxiously and your crippling fear of being alone. Also, it’s probably your small penis. Just kidding. Everyone knows married people don’t have sex. SPECIAL MENTIONS: rivalry, relationshits, rorting the system, returning to the womb.

SIMPLE EXTENSIONS

UNIVERSE, THE

It’s out there, and it’s fucking massive. Many city dwellers know not of the bountiful offerings of the constellations above, but the next time you’re in a darker patch of the country, spend a minute taking in the scenery of the sky. If you’re lucky at night, you’ll spot Alpha Centauri, the brightest star in the Milky Way. Fun fact: it takes over eight minutes for sunlight to reach the Earth’s surface. And the sky had a Southern Cross tattoo before it was cool (not that Southern Cross tattoos are ever cool). SPECIAL MENTIONS: underground, the, UTIs, unfair dismissal, uniforms.

VICE

Without the ignorant hate speech perpetuated by them damn immigrants over at VICE, the BULL Guide to Youth simply would not exist. Should you ever feel the need to read a publication other than BULL, we recommend VICE if your idea of taking preventative measures against the onset of dementia involves exposing yourself to materials that will only gradually erode your mental acuity to oblivion. SPECIAL MENTIONS: vice, vanity, vending machines, voting with your eyes closed. A close cousin of the procrastination genus, the simple extension has long been the cornerstone of the disorganised student’s academic diet. Why hand an assignment in on time when a three to five day extension is a mere email away? Do away with that silly special consideration paperwork and look up your tutor’s email the next time you’ve bitten off more than you can chew with unimportant optional social commitments. Gaining simple extensions is easier than most think.

WHINGEING

XENOTRANSPLANTATION

This is one of the many colourful additions to your lexicon that you may acquire during your time at uni. Xenotransplantation is the transfer of tissue or organs in between species, rendering the future not only in our hands, but in the hands of the ultra-powerful human mutants that this branch of biotechnology will surely produce. Many humans already have the ability to run, leap and climb. With goanna-infused skin layers or elephant trunk faces on top of the natural resource control humans already have, we could be an unstoppable super-species. If the bioethical line is clear on anything, it’s this: if it’s feasible, do it. Webbed human fingers are only ten years and a petri dish away. SPECIAL MENTIONS: Xanax, Xeroxing, xylophone ringtones, X chromosome, the.

YEARNING

One of the hardest maladies of our golden years of youth is when things don’t go according to plan. How are we expected to compete with our middle-aged counterparts when we don’t get a fraction of the level of respect and power that their presence commands? Surely our fresh perspectives and acute fashion sense warrant us getting our way more often than not, but this is not the case.Youth shall forever yearn for a world free from these injustices, and rightly so. Overthrow the oppressors and smash the patriarchy. And don’t you dare give your seat to that elderly woman. SPECIAL MENTIONS: yore (days of), yeast, yelling, yoghurt (frozen).

ZOO

SPECIAL MENTIONS: staying out of trouble, socialism, sarcasm, Simpsons, The.

“ THAT GUY”

You know that guy. He rocks up to class twenty minutes late wearing thongs in the middle of July. He takes his shirt off in the Hermann’s beer garden and climbs the lamp post. He sits at the back of the lecture theatre and is the only one who laughs when the lecturer mentions sex. Far from extinct, the “that guy” species thrives in the social environments often ignored by those donning an IQ higher than that of a dung beetle. Your friends have all met him and hate him. He always has the most ridiculously exaggerated stories to tell, and these are audible from distances of up to twenty metres in ventilated outdoor habitats.

As young people, it’s what we do best. Internet speed too slow, you say? Queue at Uni Brothers inconceivably long? Soup too damn hot? We’re lucky to live in an age where frustrations can be voiced at the drop of a hat (read: a tweet or a status update). If that’s not enough, crack out your Hipstacrap app to photographically document the inordinately superfluous amount of chilli basil sauce on your Thai dish. Don’t forget to tag the people you are with to ensure that all of their friends, as well as yours, are kept in the loop about the unimaginable travesties that afflict residents of the first world .

SPECIAL MENTIONS: tutorial participation (lack thereof), taxidermy, trying too hard, teamwork.

SPECIAL MENTIONS: waiting for stuff, wordplay, weeping, will to power.

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Because you and me, baby, we’re nothing but mammals, the least we could do is take some time every once in a while to visit our closest living relatives. And we don’t mean that embezzling uncle in prison. Respect must be paid to the chimpanzee with whom we share more than 98% of our DNA. The next time you’re marvelling at the sacred ability of our noble cousins to ingest their own faeces, take a moment to reflect on the fact that whilst the progression from Homo habilis to Homo sapiens took more than two million years, a mere 47 years is all that stood between the discovery of uranium and the dropping of atomic bombs on Hiroshima and Nagasaki. God bless America. SPECIAL MENTIONS: we’ve exhausted two lifetime supplies of jokes. Show’s over, folks. See you next year!

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ISSUE 08 FEATURE

REEL

SEX XIAORAN SHI AND BIANCA HEALEY TAKE A LOOK AT THE DIRECTOR'S CUT.

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BULL USUONLINE.COM FEATURE

he scene opens with the moans and sighs of a woman in the throes of passion with a man who will inevitably melt into a distant memory long before the episode’s end. It may have been any one of the four female protagonists: Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte or Miranda in episode x of season y, but that’s not the point. What the camera is really focusing on, in a sharp close-up, is the woman’s face. It frames her pleasure in a smile of infuriating self-satisfaction. This is what we like to call “the Sex and the City smirk.”

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N let’s cut to the middle of Hard Being Easy, Now the t fifth episode of HBO television series Girls, which follows the familiar formula of detailing w tthe lives of four female friends in New York. IIn this particular scene, the contorted face of Jessa is captured front-on as she engages in impassioned revenge sex with an ex-boyfriend. This T confronting encounter is juxtaposed against a glossy Sex and the City (SATC) poster hanging on the wall above the pair, which showcases the SATC women with their w trademark smirks. Meanwhile, Jessa’s cousin and t roommate, Shoshanna, who is a self-confessed SATC devotee and self-hating virgin, spies on tthe pair from the closet. After their brief and furious session, Jessa’s ex replaces his pants and leaves. Jessa, on the other hand, proclaims tto a shirking Shoshanna: “I am un-smote-able!” Granted, “un-smote-able” is not a real word. IIn spite of this, the connotations alluded to in the scene are real: sex is power, pleasure, freedom and so much more. We are a generation whose sexual attitudes, approaches and expectations have been moulded by programs like Sex and the City, which invited us to mix and match the female archetypes paraded before us in order tto achieve sexual liberation. But, where exactly is the intersection between sex in real life and on the screen? Perhaps it exists in the space between that P Sex and the City smirk and Jessa’s “I am unS smote-able!” Between the sexual fantasies spoon-fed to us by television’s loving hand and the youthful delusion inherent in our determination to achieve them. Every generation feels like they were

the ones who invented sex. But, is our generation the first for which no-stringsattached, judgment-free, experimental sex is the norm? The same kind of sex that was promised in Sex and the City a decade ago, but no one really believed existed. In Frank Bruni’s NewYork Times article, creator and head writer of Girls Lena Dunham states that she deliberately placed her show’s characters in a reality referencing the legacy that Sex and the City had left for the generation of women raised on its once groundbreaking message of lipstick feminism, designer fashion and disposable men. On the topic of the sexual territory that belongs to Generation Y women for whom Samantha is no longer a revolutionary, Dunham offered that “especially in your early 20s, sex is a playground in which you’re working out a lot of your insecurities.” This is a sentiment echoed by young women everywhere. Holly*, a third year Liberal Studies student, believes that “a lot of women, or should I say girls, feel as though they should be having casual, unattached sex as part of their experience of being young.” Amanda*, a second year International and Global Studies student, agrees: “It’s not so much about feeling pressured as it is about an attitude that emotion should be dismissed along with dated expectations about the consequences of sex.” So, it seems that television sometimes sugarcoats the truth. Who knew? In the words of Lena Dunham, we’ve all felt “cruelly duped by much of the television [we’ve seen].” Most of us have experienced or will experience in our early 20s a dispiriting sexual awakening as the

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result of multiple, regrettable sexual encounters and more heartbreak that we’d like to admit, which sadly cannot be laughed off with the easy application of girly cocktails and Manolo Blahniks. According to a 2008 study at Durham University, more than half of 17-40 year olds have enjoyed at least one one-night stand. Except “enjoyed” might be a bit of a stretch for members of the fairer sex. Only 54 per cent of women reported positive feelings the morning after, compared to 70 per cent of men. In her assessment of Girls in The Monthly, Anna Goldsworthy defines the show’s portrayal of sex as embodying “gonzo-porn awkwardness”. She defends the characters’ appetite for the varied experiences of sex and their inherent feelings of being entitled to them. “In their stumbling way,” she asserts, “these girls articulate a possible version of post-feminism: one that does not reject the gains of previous generations, but absorbs them completely, including the freedom to have bad sex”. Emily Esfahani Smith in the Washington Post views the show through a darker lens. She writes that the lessons taught by “Carrie Bradshaw and her entourage g of well-dressed friends” about the emancipation and glamour amour encapsulated in a lifestyle style to add that the show is EVERY of casual sex were “a merely a depiction of GENERATION FEELS lie”. She extends this individual preferences pessimism to Girls LIKE THEY WERE THE ONES rather than an which she believes WHO INVENTED SEX. BUT, IS overarching trend. has captured “the “If you are inclined OUR GENERATION THE FIRST FOR sexual wasteland a certain way, then WHICH NO-STRINGS-ATTACHED, of the millennials’ chances are you hook up culture – JUDGMENT-FREE, EXPERIMENTAL will seek the grim reality SEX IS THE NORM? THE SAME out porn of no strings that depicts it KIND OF SEX THAT WAS attached sex”. or people who are PROMISED IN SEX AND THE And there is no willing to engage shortage of people CITY A DECADE AGO, BUT NO in it. The show who would gladly ONE REALLY BELIEVED doesn’t signal any defend Esfahani Smith’s h’s trend so much as it EXISTED. position. Divya*, an highlights the uniqueness Honours student, asserts erts that of sexual identity and the family and cultural expectations xpectations specificity inherent in how it weigh strongly in her sexual choices. manifests.” Third year Arts student She goes on to say that she “would never have Dmitri* begs to differ, putting forward the idea sex with someone before [they] were in a that “in the past few years, girls have been more serious relationship”. There is also, of course, willing to engage in things like anal [sex] and the influence of religion on sexual practice and S&M, and I think it is definitely the prevalence Winston*, a second year Commerce student of porn that has altered their opinion.” and member of the University of Sydney’s Although Ariel Levy’s attention-grabbing Evangelical Union, diplomatically stated that polemic was released back in 2006, it still reads “pre-marital sex is immoral, but I respect my with a contemporaneity that speaks to these friends who think otherwise”. His girlfriend issues at hand. Its title, Female Chauvinist Pigs: Cara*, however, is of the (anatomically Women and the Rise of Raunch Culture employs incorrect) view that “if you want a penis or a term that Levy coined to define women who vagina in you, then go for it.” objectify other women and themselves under One thing Goldsworthy and Esfahani the guise of liberation. Levy describes the female Smith can nonetheless agree on is that the rise chauvinist pig as “post-feminist. She is funny. of cable networks such as HBO has boosted the She gets it,” then undercuts this premise with prevalence of graphic sex on TV. Despite this, the observation that “new feminism” feels a the idea of a definite correlation between sex lot like “old objectification” citing the growing in pop culture and sex in actual practice does prominence of everything from Playboy Bunny not hold sway with everyone. Fourth year Law merchandise to celebrity sex tapes in support of her thesis. student Rhett* is a fan of Girls and yet is quick

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For every nameless, bikini-clad woman washing the hood of a car in a rap music video, there is a counterpoint to be made in the bold proclamations such as “I’m a rude bitch, nigger. What are you made of?” uttered by hip-pop divas like Azealia Banks, who are reclaiming the balance of power in pop culture from their male counterparts. Levy’s thesis has a tunnel vision view that ignores the Hannah Horvaths [lead protagonist in Girls] of the world who just don’t play that game. Several sexual encounters in Girls, however, do seem to play straight into Levy’s ideological hand. In one teeth-grindingly awkward scene, Hannah’s sex partner Adam masturbates in front of her whilst she stands before him, fully clothed and perturbed. Similarly, Shoshanna feverishly strips at the first hint of a potential loss of her virginity, but she is quickly rebuffed with the heartless throwaway line of “I don’t like virgins. They’re emotional bleeders”. What is interesting is that for every degrading encounter, there is a proverbial silver lining, such as in Hannah’s own emotionally dislocated sexual experimentation, best seen in her attempt at kinky foreplay with the sweet, hometown pharmacist she picks up whilst visiting her parents. Casual sex is, by and large, acceptable and accessible. No longer a myth perpetuated by Samantha Jones and her overdressed SATC co-stars, it’s become a fact of life. If not your personal life, then probably that of your friends, your coworkers, your peers. Whether you choose to use sex as a weapon or as a crutch or not at all, remember that you have the power to make yourself feel un-smote-able, inside the bedroom and out. * Names changed to protect identity

12/10/12 4:25 PM

BULL USUONLINE.COM.AU CAMPUS CHATTER

CAMPUS CHATTER TO THE CUTE HERMANS BARTENDER WHO’S ALWAYS GRUMPY,

I’M NOT A STALKER, BUT... TO THE HOTTIE IN THE CAMPUS SECURITY VEHICLE, I’d let you detain me and take me anywhere on campus, if you know what I mean. Rough Justice TO THE GIRL CAMPAIGNING FOR JAM IN THE SRC ELECTIONS, The moment I saw you, you jammed my heart. I think you might be my favourite flavour so lets spread the love around and meet up sometime. Preserver

If you poured my gin with a grin maybe we could vermouth out of here some time. Shaken, not stirred

TO THE GIRL IN MY CRIMINAL LAW CLASS, If you subpoenaed the thoughts that run through my head when I'm looking at you I'd be arrested on the spot. Handcuffs

HEY YOU!

TO THE DISTINGUISHED GEORGE CLOONEY-ESQUE GENTLEMAN WHO I ALWAYS SEE PLAYING THE CLARINET THROUGH THE WINDOW AS I WALK THROUGH THE QUAD, I was wondering if you could give me a private performance sometime… Woodwind Lover

SOMEONE YOU WANT TO WOO AND/OR PASSIVELYAGGRESSIVELY COMPLAIN ABOUT? SEND US YOUR STALKER MESSAGES: USUBULLMAG@ GMAIL.COM

TO THE GIRL WHO RIDES A LIGHT BLUE FIXIE AND LOCKS IT BY THE FOOTBRIDGE, The way you take off your helmet so your blonde bob comes out near perfect just makes me want to climb your Alpe d’Heuz. Tour de Pants TO THE GIRL IN SCIENCE REVUE WITH THE WOODY ALLEN GLASSES, I’d love to get close sight of you! Myopic TO MY GOVERNMENT LECTURER, I know I haven’t been attending class much this semester, but I was wondering if I could boost my attendance over dinner? Mormon on the march TO THE BOY IN MY CHEMISTRY LAB WHO ALWAYS BRINGS HIS OWN LUNCH, I wish you held me as closely as you do your Tupperware. Bonded TO ROBOT-OBSESSED BOY IN MY PHILOSOPHY TUTORIAL, You’re pushing all the right buttons. Human being

VOX POPS QUESTION IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY FORM OF COSMETIC SURGERY, WHAT WOULD IT BE?

EVIE WOODFORDE ARTS / LAW I

I’d get dimples. But I want them lopsided, I don’t want them symmetrical. I think it would be endearing – It’s like, ‘I’m adorable but I’m not Shirley Temple’.

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RHYS POGONOSKI AND JOEL EINSTEIN

REBECCA BARRETT

JD I / ARTS III

Nothing. I don’t believe in cosmetic surgery.

We’d become Siamese twins.

ARTS / LAW V

12/10/12 4:25 PM

ISSUE 08 CAMPUS CHATTER

PLEASE, HAVE A COW GOT BEEF WITH SOMETHING? SPILL YOUR GUTS IN 400 WORDS OR LESS TO USUBULLMAG@ GMAIL.COM

ALISON MATTHEWS FINDS FAD DIETS TOO HARD TO DIGEST.

There’s got to be something wrong when diets trend faster than fashion. The Russian peasant, lemon detox, beer banger, macro me, and my favourite, the donut diet, are about as effective as Regina George on Kalteen bars. Thanks to my endearing (and somewhat misguided) housemate, I have well and truly lived through two years of crazy fad diets, each one more bizarre and ridiculous than the next. It all began quite innocuously with a weird concoction of cayenne pepper, maple syrup, lemon juice and water, which Beyoncé swore was responsible for her bootylicious curves. Weight loss achieved? Zero. Moody and

ravenous housemate? One. This was quickly followed by the Hollywood diet, which lives up to its flashy name at a mere $30 per bottle of juice! I’ll admit, he might have shed a kilo or two, but the program appears to rely more on your worry at having to forfeit rent for the week than any actual nutritional benefit. This is not to mention the Paleolithic diet, which revolves around mimicking the lifestyle of a caveman. Since when did Neanderthals become our pinup models? Given everything had to be hunted and gathered, dumpster diving became the flavour of that month. What I can’t stand about these diets is the yoyo effect they create. A month of strict calorie restriction where every crumb consumed is incessantly dissected

FOR FELICITY DUNN ABANDONS HER SHAME AND TAKES TO THE SADDLE. Do you have Gangnam Style? There is no doubting the popularity of Gangnam Style as an international sensation. It has captivated the world to such an extent that it has recently soared into the Guiness Book of Records as the most liked video in YouTube history. Three hundred and eighty million people can’t be wrong. How can anyone not love the satire, the catchy chorus or Psy’s equine dance moves? The whole message of Gangman style is: dress classy and dance cheesy - a very tempting combination for those of us with limited dance moves. We don’t care if the song has some deeper message or social commentary. We don’t give a damn that we can’t understand a single word of what is being said, other than “Oh Sexy Lady” or that the techno beat gets stuck in our head and drives us crazy. All we care about is that when we hear the strains of Gangnam style start up we can hit the dance floor, strut our stuff and horse around... literally. At least some of us are prepared to have a laugh at ourselves.

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only to be followed by a brief wave of jubilation, which no doubt kicks off the vicious cycle of celebratory eating, weight gain, guilt and finally, another new diet. The fad diet formula is more predictable than a romantic comedy movie plot. Take one ‘miracle food’, add a totally unconvincing celebrity endorsement, a few misapplied scientific facts and a conspicuously photoshopped before-and-after shot and all of a sudden you’ve fooled half the population, who are willing to swallow anything as long as it doesn’t involve exercise. Please, can we forget the pills, shakes, injections, drops and powders and just look to the oldfashioned maxim: ‘everything in moderation’?

AGAINST LOCKING HORNS DISPUTED: GANGNAM STYLE

EMMA SINCLAIR PUTS A STOP TO K-POP. It’s gone insanely viral, alright (emphasis on insane). There is no doubt about it, like anything addictive, Gangnam Style is bad for your health. If you have nothing better to do than strut around riding an invisible horse whilst making vain attempts to sing along to incomprehensible foreign lyrics, then you are already well on your way to an incurable addiction. Those pathetic dance moves are not endearing and certainly not funny, they are just plain stupid. Time magazine summed up this current fiasco well when they described it as being as “cringe worthy as watching your dad planking on top of the family car.” If the video itself is not bad enough, you know that Gangnam has reached pitiful depths when your uni lecturer is humming along to the strains of “Oh Sexy Lady” and everyone, from your grandmother to Big Brother are making a parody of it. Exploitive media hype is driving this woeful obsession. So much for hailing it as a great coup for Korean pop culture, all I see is a random man in a cowboy hat doing pelvic thrusts in an elevator and a group of people deriding the lifestyle of upscale Gangnam society. Give me the Macarena any day.

12/10/12 4:25 PM

ACCESS BENEFITS THIS SEMESTER

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12/10/12 4:25 PM

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Mojo Surf 15% off equipment, transport, coaching and accommodation Red Balloon $30 off a selected range of experiences Rhythmboat Cruises 20% off normal RRP prices of lunch and dinner cruises Seido Juku Karate Discounted membership offers and 2 free classes, free uniform, belt and badges when you join Skydive the Beach - Sydney and Central Coast $30 off tandem skydives Spitfire Paintball Receive 200 additional free paintballs valued at $40 STA Travel Various discounts off travel packages Sydney Buddhist Centre Additional $20 off student concession rates for introductory meditation courses and retreats Thunder Jet Boat Adults @ Kids prices (25% off) USIT Australia 15% discount on Teach in China or Thailand programmes. YHA 2 years for 1 membership

FASHION, HEALTH & BEAUTY Ablaze Beauty 20% off services Monday to Friday, 10% off services on Saturday, 10% off products Ambo Ars 30% off hair services including cutting, colouring, hair straightening, hair extensions (offer excluding Saturday) Attik 15% off items Detail for Men Initial haircut 50% off and haircuts thereafter are 20% off Eyecare Plus 20% off complete spectacles and sunglasses and 20% off contact lenses when you purchase 6 months supply Jay Jays Broadway 10% off excluding sale items McDonald’s Stanmore 10% off your purchase up to $20 Mylens Optical Online free delivery for orders over $50 Oscar Oscar Salons Enjoy 25% off all major hairdressing services on speciﬁc days OzSale $10 Voucher Provocator 25% off storewide Stellino 10% off at all times, excluding sale items, 15% off on pre-determined shopping days/nights The Costume Shop 15% off Costume Hire

FOOD & BEVERAGE A La Turko Broadway 10% off food and drink purchases Bambino Torino Pizza 10% off

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everything, plus Tuesday and Wednesday All You Can Eat Pizza & Pasta Offer, plus with all large pizza pick ups recive a free garlic bread valued at $4 Boost Juice Newtown 15% off any purchase Cellarmasters Get $50 off your ﬁrst web order and 5% on subsequent orders Eagle Boys Newtown Large Pizzas from only $7.95 each all year round SAVE 30% Himalayn Char Grill 15% off food (lunch and dinner) Hoochie Mamma café 10% off everything Ice + Slice 20% discount on all food and beverage items with exception of scoops of gelato, $4.50 for all Beers and Glass of House Wine Kauli Malaysian Restaurant 15% off the menu LYNN Shanghai Cuisine 20% off the total food bill from the A-la-carte menu, Monday - Thursday $12.50 Quick Lunch Combo Nonya Malaysian 10% off the total price of the food bill provided a drink is purchased with every meal. Oporto’s Broadway 10% off all items at Oporto Broadway, $1 Potato Poppers and a sauce! Pie Tin Newtown 15% off all food purchases Sabbaba Newtown 15% discount on all products purchased in-store Saucepan Café & Restaurant 15% off meals on the menu excluding daily specials Sumo Salad 10% off all salads The Coffee School 15% off all Coffee School’s coffee and bar skill/cocktail classes Package deals available for RSA and RCG courses Uni Thai 15% off all meals, $7.50 lunch special available all day Well Connected (Wellco Cafe and Wine Bar) Regular sized coffee for free with any meal purchase over $10

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Laundrette 15% off all services excluding bag wash Central Coast Proofreading Editing Service 15% off Services Civic Video Newtown $3.75 new Releases, $1.75 Weeklies Comtext 15% off most textbooks, $2.50 delivery or free pick up Europcar Special negotiated rates Excel Driving - Michael McVickers $60 lessons, purchase a 5 pack for $300, your 6th lesson is free, no additional cost for weekend or evening lessons. Save $30 on ‘Licence Test’ lessons Inner City Cycles 15% off parts and accessories, 12.5% off bicycles L Trent 10% off driving lessons when you mention your Access Card when booking over the phone Luggage Bazaar EXTRA 10% off including sale items. Newtown Nutrition 25% off cost of initial consultation, 15% off cost of follow up consultation Phonecard.com.au 10% off Phone cards Renta Centre 1 months free rental on any 6 month contract Sax & Woodwind 20% off the RRP accessories Simply Gifts 15% off gifts online Storage King 10% off Storage Rack Rate and 20% off Boxes & Packing Materials Sydney Canvas Company 15% off all goods and services including the stretching service Sydney Roosters Buy 1 reserved ticket to a Sydney Roosters game and get 1 free Sydney Talent Company 15% off Professional Acting Agency Representation, Tickets to Sydney Playhouse Productions and Professional Drama Classes Sydney Tower Eye $39 SKYWALKS Telstra Newtown For all new Post Paid or Pre Paid Connections: 15% off any accesory in the store, 25% off “Special Bundled Accessory Package” Tilly’s Art Store 15% off all products (excluding printing, printer consumables and sale items) Time Out Sydney $1 for 4 issues + free bar guide (valued at $4.95) + free delivery Velogear.com.au 15% off storewide Zanui 15% off full priced products excluding electrical Zookal 15% off textbook purchases Offers subject to change. Terms and conditions may apply see accessbeneﬁts.com.au for details & On Campus Beneﬁts

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12/10/12 4:25 PM

BULL USUONLINE.COM FEATURE

MISA HAN STRIPS DOWN THE FACTS AND FIGURES.

CRAZY STUPID SEX

ven at one week old, Sydney Uni Secrets is full of “real secrets”. Inspired by the web art project www.postsecret.com, the Facebook event invites students to send a post which “has to reveal something that has never been told to anyone.”

Scrolling through the tumblr page, you are likely to stumble upon stories that don’t usually make an appearance at Sunday brunches or drinks sessions with your closest friends. “I’m a 23 year old virgin and I think it holds me back,” one student writes. “I get scared when dating guys that they will judge me if I tell them. I’m waiting for the right guy but I’m too afraid of getting hurt to put myself out there and find the right one.” “I’m so relieved I broke it off with you,” confesses another. “I lied when I said I would have sex with you eventually. Truth is, I believe sex to be the most beautiful

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thing I have ever experienced. I don’t waste it on just anyone.” But wait, are those for real? According to mainstream media, sex is where pretty young things are at right now. “Schoolies get what they want: booze and risky sex,” The Age claims. “Thousands

of teenagers flock to schoolies week celebrations to get drunk and have sex, but it turns out most don’t enjoy the experience,” reports The Daily Telegraph. Risky sexual escapades fuelled by alcohol and hormones abound. Everyone’s at it except you, the sad little person

IN 2012, VIRGINITY IS ONE OF THE BIGGEST SEXUAL TABOOS.

reading this article on the train. The Australian Study of Health and Relationships is one of Australia’s first large-scale surveys of sexual behaviour and attitudes on a national scale. According to the study, young Australians are having sex at a younger age and with more partners than their parents. On average, 16-19 year olds who were surveyed lost their virginity at the age of 16. What the facts and figures don’t tell us is whether the same 16 year olds who lose virginity at a raucous alcohol-fueled beach party stay sexually active or retreat into their pre-pubescent sexuality. As Juno famously pointed out in the seminal classic Juno, being sexually active could mean anything, from an awkward one-off on your boyfriend’s couch at the age of fifteen to having vanilla sex with your partner before dozing off with a hot water bottle.

12/10/12 4:25 PM

ISSUE 08 FEATURE

According to the same survey, 4.8% of men and 21.1% were forced or frightened into unwanted sexual activity. About half of them occurred when they were sixteen or younger. And those who were coerced into sex had greater psychological distress and anxiety about sex, which could indicate reluctance to be sexually active later as adults. Some people stay silent on their virginity or even decide to fake it. When you have read the surveys of favourite sex positions in Cosmo or GQ, got a handful of free Durex at clubs and watched episodes of True Blood, it is easy to see why. In 2012, virginity is one of the biggest sexual taboos. When you are not only expected to have sex on a regular basis but also be good at it, sexual inexperience is the adult equivalent of competing in Mathletes, going to Sunday Schools and wearing metal braces. Alex* was living at a residential college and he was yet to have sexual intercourse by the time he was 20. Living with a bunch of guys who wore medals of their crazy sexual escapades, he says that he felt insecure about his lack

of experience. “There is social stigma that comes with virginity. To lie about it is to fit in. We’re bombarded with images of sex, of teenagers having sex. If you’re in your twenties and you still haven’t had sex yet, it raises self-doubts.” So he did what he had to do – fake it. “I was at a party one night and this girl stayed in my bed because both of us got really drunk. Nothing happened. But all these other guys assumed that we slept together and I didn’t bother to correct them.” Fast forward a few years, Alex says he and his friends still find themselves “talking it up” when it comes to sex. “There is an element of male bravado about it. I was on the train to rugby with a bunch of guys and we started talking about sex. It became a competition of who did the craziest stuff. It was basically story topping and it made you feel good, even if you are not completely truthful about it.” But Alex found that the more he and his friends talked themselves up, the more difficult it was for them to interact with real girls. “It’s really a double-edged sword. When we were at the pub after rugby, it

“I WAS IN BED WITH THIS GIRL AND SHE STARTED TALKING ABOUT HOW HOT RYAN GOSLING WAS. I CAN NEVER COMPETE WITH SOMEONE LIKE RYAN GOSLING. HE HAS LIKE AN EIGHT PACK.” BULL 08_NB_final.indd 31

“HERE WE WERE TELLING EVERYONE HOW WE WERE BANGING IDENTICAL TWINS AT A MUSIC FESTIVAL AND WE COULDN’T EVEN TALK TO A GROUP OF GIRLS.” took about 10 minutes for one of us to bring up the courage to talk to a group of girls. They knew if they got cut down, it would lower their standing.” “Here we were telling everyone how we were banging identical twins at a music festival and we couldn’t even talk to a group of girls.” Along with beer talk, body consciousness seems to be a tricky hurdle to jump when it comes to actually reaching the finale. Alex confesses that he feels body conscious from time to time. “I was in bed with this girl and she started talking about how hot Ryan Gosling was. I can never compete with someone like Ryan Gosling. He has like an eight pack.” The fear of exposing the extra fat or hair or scars can offset the potential enjoyment of sex for everyone. But some go far as pulling themselves from stripping down in front of their interests. There are magazine articles, online forums and exercises dedicated to this topic. Some blogs swear by ‘Look Good Naked’ exercise routines. Magazines offer quizzes to find out the optimal sex position to hide the body’s imperfections. Online forums advocate crash diets. And if all else fails, there’s the oldest trick in the book: turning off the light. Katie* relates to this feeling, saying that she held off from sleeping with a guy she had been dating for ages. “I was afraid of what he would think of my body. When we finally did it, I had to ask him if we could do it in the dark because I didn’t want him to see me.”

It is hard to put a finger on the exact figure, but it seems that real sex is far removed from the surveys in glossy magazines and the ‘Never Have I Ever’ tales. “I think it happens when you least expect it,” says Alex. “And it usually doesn’t involve identical twins.” * Names changed to protect identity.

12/10/12 4:25 PM

IMAGE: NAMELESSMINISTRIES.COM

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12/10/12 4:25 PM

ISSUE 08 YOUNIVERSITY

YOUNIVERSITY Lap Dances Between Lectures? BRONTE LAMBOURNE LAYS BARE THE CLANDESTINE WORLD OF THE STUDENT STRIPPER.

e all need to fund our student accommodation and nightlife somehow, right? But how far would you be willing to go? A recent study conducted by the adult entertainment industry found that up to one in every three strippers are in fact students. Dressed in 6-inch heels and wearing expensive lingerie, these girls find themselves earning good money gyrating on a stage before a sea of salivating males. Monica*, currently in her final year of an Arts degree, admits that she didn’t exactly set out to get parttime work as a lingerie waitress. She had always considered it to be somewhat seedy and unsavoury, that was, until a girlfriend introduced her to a friend who was working as a cocktail waitress at a gentleman’s club. “I certainly didn’t start out wearing lingerie and stripping never entered my head. I was just asked to turn up in a little black dress and help serve drinks,” Monica says. Surrounded by a flurry of half-naked girls, Monica recalls the sense of voyeurism she experienced during her first day on the job, “I felt quite uncomfortable and didn’t know where to look, but it’s amazing how quickly you adjust.” It was only a matter of weeks before Monica herself decided to take the plunge and strip down. The transition isn’t hard to understand, after all once the strippers arrive and the dances start, the girls in lingerie must look positively overdressed. The base salary for a waitress is roughly $100 for a fourhour shift. The real money is in the desserts. The temptation of earning $70 for each dessert you spoonfeed is certainly an enticement – especially when you have several new textbooks to buy. Monica admits that she rarely tells people at university about her part-time job. She hasn’t told her parents, although one of her sisters does know. What she finds most

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challenging is telling anyone she is dating. “While it might sound exotic to say your dating a stripper, it’s not long before all the questions begin and the jealousy starts.” The clubs have very firm no boyfriend policies, and for good reason. Unfortunately it’s not so easy to avoid being recognised by people from your “regular life”. Monica recounts the story of one dancer who was about to take to the stage, already clad in her exotic ensemble, when she looked over to find one of her university tutors sitting at a buck’s table. “There was absolutely no way she would go on. We all had a laugh and suggested it might add to her grades, but she flatly refused.” Whilst Monica has no issue with being a university student by day and a dancer by night, she certainly has her reservations about recommending it to other students. Not all clubs are as regulated or as safe as the one she works in. It is certainly not uncommon for girls to find that they start out working as a lingerie waitress and quickly slide into the more unsavoury elements of prostitution and drug use. “Sure we get guys who will try to offer us $1500 to go to a hotel with them, but for most of us it’s something we wouldn’t do. Girls that do are better off working in a brothel,” says Monica. Monica agrees that it will be hard to adjust to having a “normal job” when she finishes uni next year. It is unlikely she will be able

WHILE MONICA HAS NO ISSUE WITH BEING A UNIVERSITY STUDENT BY DAY AND A DANCER BY NIGHT, SHE CERTAINLY HAS HER RESERVATIONS ABOUT RECOMMENDING IT TO OTHER STUDENTS.

to maintain her current salary and the working day will certainly be a lot longer, but she is adamant not to be caught up being a “professional” dancer. “I certainly want to use my degree. This really is just a short term option for me. Once you reach your late 20s, you’re too old for this job anyway. It’s given me greater confidence, I’m far more comfortable with my body and I’ve learnt how to do small talk, but I also know that not everyone will understand why I have done it.” It would be very easy to assume that most strippers are desperate, exploited women who strip to support a drug habit, but if you have sat next to Monica in the library you wouldn’t pick her from any other girl at uni falling asleep at the desk with blisters on her feet. * Name changed to protect identity

12/10/12 4:25 PM

BULL USUONLINE.COM FOOD & BOOZE

FOOD & BOOZE Frisky Foods CHRISTINA WHITE SINKS HER TEETH IN.

phrodite, the goddess of love, considered the sparrow sacred because of its lustful nature. As a result, various bits of sparrow beak and claw have ended up in many a brew across the centuries.

It seems every culture throughout history has had some folklore about foods rumored to increase your libido but sadly, their power is not grounded in science. Nonetheless, for the superstitious or just plain hopeful, here is a rundown of the most famous sexy foodstuffs.

ASPARAGUS Grooms in 19th Century France were served three courses of asparagus the night before their wedding to prepare them for “postnuptials.” The Vegetarian Society recommends eating asparagus for a few days straight to get the most powerful affect. Aside from making your pee smell, asparagus is thought to boost histamine production, which is necessary to orgasm.

chocolate a day to increase his sexual vitality. Cocoa contains the chemical phenylethylamine (PEA), which is a stimulant that releases dopamine in the pleasure centre of the brain and causes excitement. Skeptical scientists point out that the compound is quickly degraded by the enzyme MAO, making it unlikely that sizeable concentrations of PEA would actually reach the brain if taken orally.

COCAINE Also sourced from the cocoa plant, this crystalline tropane alkaloid is known to cause hyperarousal and hypersexuality. Downsides include the addictive and illegal aspects, as well as the fact it impairs sexual functioning with long-term use.

AVOCADOS Probably for shape more than substance. The Aztecs called them “ahuacuatl” meaning “testicle tree” and found the sight of avocados hanging in pairs particularly meaningful. So erotic is the sight of the avocado that they were forbidden by Catholic priests in Spain for being “obscenely sexual.”

CHOCOLATE The connection between chocolate and sex has been around for centuries before Hallmark and big red boxes. The Mayans and Aztecs linked the cocoa bean to sexual desire, which is why Emperor Montezuma drank fifty goblets of

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FIGS This fruit is not thought to contain any arousing chemicals, rather a cross-section of the fruit looks like female genitals. Ergo, monkey see, monkey do.

OYSTERS Without a doubt the most famed aphrodisiac. Oysters were among the favorites of the Romans in the second century AD. The cliché has some science to back it up. Their high zinc content boosts testosterone production thought to increase libido in both sexes. Their effect, however, may be more akin to that of the fig.

A professor at New York University did a study on aphrodisiacs and concluded that in the case of oysters the psychological effect might actually derive more from “sucking and slurping seductively” than any hard core science.

YAK PENIS At the end of the alphabet we head east. The Sichuan culinary tradition in China has taken the ‘you are what you eat’ philosophy to new heights. Yak penis was first mentioned in records from 520 AD, where it was described as being rich in protein, vitamins and phosphorus, and prescribed to elderly males to restore their sexual vigor. The penises are around 14 inches long and boiled in hot chili oil. If you’re keen to have a taste, the Internet recommends Guolizhuang Restaurant in Beijing which boasts a menu of more than thirty different species’ penises. Despite inconclusive studies, we can’t be too quick to write-off the aphrodisiac. Sexual desire can be triggered by internal or external cues, so if food reminds you of sex for any reason, you’re one step closer to the bedroom. In the end, the age-old favorite for getting in the mood probably remains tried and tested alcohol. While technically not an aphrodisiac, because it relaxes the body and reduces inhibition, results speak for themselves. But consider yourself warned, in Shakespeare’s wise words, “alcohol provoketh the desire but unprovoketh the performance.”

12/10/12 4:25 PM

ISSUE 08 TRAVEL

TRAVEL

TRAVEL SOUL FOOD

Therapeutic Travel ANNE BELGAR GETS OFF THE THERAPIST’S COUCH AND PACKS THE SUITCASE.

ravelling is food for the mind, body and soul. Consider the thousands of dollars on a patch of seat on Ryanair, wonky hostel bunk beds and overpriced airport sandwiches a therapeutic investment. Travelling frees the mind and body, wakes and sharpens the senses to the new sights and sounds and might eventually spare you the extra dollars on medical treatments. Regardless of whether you are rock climbing and kayaking, lounging at the beach and shopping, you are bound to get active. Shopping as a workout? Winning. So after another semester, a quick getaway with your family or mates might just be the remedy to relieve the stress. With the summer break just around the corner, here are a few budget-friendly travel destinations to get you packing.

FOR THE DOLLAR-SAVER

FOR THE GLUTTON

FOR THE SHOPAHOLIC

Spending a few days at a beach resort like Port Stephens definitely spells chill out – for you and your pocket. Self-contained apartments would be ideal for big groups, which include kitchen and BBQ pits so you can save money from eating out. Prepare your playlist for the road with songs like Mika’s ‘Relax Take It Easy’, and the catchy Nicki Minaj song you’ve been sneakily listening to in your closet. Surf down the steep sand dunes and race your mates on some quad bikes through Australia’s largest moving sand mass. ‘Oppa Gangnam Style’ while horse riding, or ride a camel by the beach. Parasail, kite-surf and jet ski to get the adrenaline pumping. And yes, you should definitely marinate yourself in sunblock for this trip. Be sure to catch the sunset at Soldier’s Point – this certainly puts meaning to the cliché, “the best things in life are free.”

With the new budget airline Scoot launched earlier this year, travelling to the food paradise of Singapore has become more pocket-friendly. Enjoy a view of the Singapore skyline by getting on the Singapore Flyer, the world’s largest observation wheel. Clarke Quay comes alive at night, with bars for you to enjoy your booze, and clubs to show your moves. The best part of this trip will probably be the food. Food is the Singaporean’s way of life, bringing together people from all walks of life. There is no doubt you will be spoilt for choice by the variety of food offered in the local food courts, at unbelievably cheap prices. As a heads up, the Singaporean tongue has a wicked tolerance for spiciness, so you might consider asking for less.

Hong Kong is known to be one of Asia’s shopping havens. Start the day with some dumplings and Chinese tea over Yum Cha to gear you up for a day of shopping. Causeway Bay is a shopping hotspot as it is lined with towering shopping malls of luxurious brands and classy boutiques. Hong Kong also has amazing sales from late December to February. There are also night markets along the streets that sell everything from antiques, clothes, shoes and jewellery. The rows of stalls along these streets are where you can haggle and bargain for cheaper prices to purchase your items. It’s time to paint the town with Mastercard.

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FOR THE GRINCH THIS CHRISTMAS There may be no winter or snow or pine trees for a White Christmas in the Philippines. However, the streets of Ayala Avenue are decked in fairy lights and extravagant decorations in the spirit of Christmas. Carolers share a Christmas cheer or two. Vendors are selling all-time favourite Christmas snacks along the streets, to be enjoyed after the Dawn Masses held in preparation of Christmas. Save the money you would’ve spent on buying socks for grumpy Uncle Ben and visit the “Land of Fiestas” where the Filipinos celebrate Christmas like Santa Clause is coming to town.

12/10/12 4:25 PM

BULL USUONLINE.COM FASHION

FASHION Bling It On! BRONTE LAMBOURNE TURNS UP THE HEAT ON THIS SEASON’S TRIMMINGS.

o you aspire to accessorise? Perhaps you start with the glaring obvious, pare down or work your way to the obscure? Or instead you prefer the understated, the demure? Whatever your proclivity, it’s the finishing touches that provide that added panache.

With the summer sun upon us and clothing becoming almost optional, it’s not all just about the garments you don; adding accessories becomes a necessity. Some retro sunnies, large floppy hat and coral nails to complement that warm summer tan serves a dual purpose in the quest to survive the scorching heat. Never underestimate the power of well-chosen accessories. It’s the extra watch, sunnies or sandals that makes the difference between bold and blah. But unless you’re like Gaga and attempting to change the world one sequin at a time, it’s all in the choices. Mint, pastels and unfortunately neon appear to be hitting the streets this summer and with studs thrown into the mix, perhaps the fashionistas on Eastern Avenue should look to the adage that “less is more.” December may be fast approaching but you certainly don’t want to be spotted looking like a Christmas tree this season.

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CARLIE IKONOMOU

DANIEL FARINHA

EMMA JOHNSTON

MECO/LAW III

ECONOMICS/LAW II

ARTS II

Sunglasses: Mimco Blazer: Top Shop Shorts: Museum Shoes: Vintage What’s your summer trend prediction? Pastels and metallics, and I think peplum will still be in. What swimwear will you be wearing this season? I like floral bikinis and I normally wear strapless.

Chain: Jewellery shop somewhere in the city Key: House key Shirt: Premonition Shorts: Industry What’s your summer trend prediction? Keys on necklaces. I’m trying to start a trend. It’s practical… It goes with everything. What swimwear will you be wearing this season? Board shorts – very short.

Hat: Grandma Sunglasses: Vinnie’s in Glebe Earrings: Africa Dress: Little shop next to a brothel in China What’s your summer trend prediction? I hope everyone wears hats – otherwise they’ll get sunburnt! What swimwear will you be wearing this season? It must be a full-piece or with a rashie, my skin’s too pale for bikinis. I like that fullpieces are becoming fashionable again, especially the little vintage ones with the frills.

12/10/12 4:25 PM

WEDNESDAY 13 (USA)

26 OCT

+ DARKC3LL (AUS)

EYEHATEGOD (USA)

22 NOV

+ I EXIST

ESKIMO (USA) + TIPPER (UK)

24 NOV

FEAT. ILL GATES (USA) + DOV (USA) + SPOONBILL (AUS)

PAUL DIANNO & BLAZE BAYLEY

30 NOV

EX IRON MAIDEN VOCALISTS – PERFORMING NOTHING BUT MAIDEN TOGETHER FOR THE FIRST TIME

LAGWAGON (USA)

1 DEC

2 DEC

+ THE SMITH STREET BAND

SYDNEY ROCK N ROLL ALTERNATIVE MARKET THE ULTIMATE SUB CULTURE MARKET

COMING UP

JAN 17 - AGAINST ME PLEASE // JAN 18 HYPOCRISY (SWEDEN) + OUROBOROS + ANNO DOMINI + DEPRIVATION // JAN 19 ALESTORM (UK) // FEB 13 - SWANS (USA)

BULL 08_NB_final.indd 37

MANNINGBAR.COM USUONLINE.COM

12/10/12 4:25 PM

BULL USUONLINE.COM SPORT

SPORT Young Bolters DIANA PHAM STANDS UNDER YOUR BOXED QUINELLA, ELLA, ELLA, EY, EY…

aming a racehorse might, to the casual observer, seem a lot like the result of asking a pipesmoking caterpillar to string a bunch of arbitrary words together from his magical beer mug. But it isn’t. Usually.

Twenty-four-year-old former Sydney University student, James Cummings, is hoping to try his luck with a four-year-old colt named Future Shock at Royal Randwick over the coming weeks of the Spring Carnival. Although not favoured to win in many of the tickets, Cummings thinks he might still have a good chance. He also had a hand in the naming. “Future Shock was made by winners,” he says. “He was sired by Redoute’s Choice and bred by Surpize Surprize.” “We thought ‘Future Shock’ and ‘Surprize Surprize’ had a nice symmetry so we stuck with it.” At the Mounting Yard at Randwick, Cummings shows me the stall where Future Shock is kept. There’s no grand entrance or security, like you might expect. He walks over to his horse and checks its hooves, careful not to startle it, then begins to brush it down to remove any grit from its hair and places a saddle pad on its back. “I’ve saddled up over a hundred winners

BULL 08_NB_final.indd 38

Veterinary Bioscience student at the University of Sydney who also works closely with racehorses belonging to horse-trainer legend, Gai Waterhouse. Like Cummings Senior (Senior), Waterhouse was inaugurated into the Racing Hall of Fame in 2007. “I love working for Gai,” says McCosker. “She is a motivated and highly intelligent woman, with amazing knowledge of her horses and the industry.” For McCosker, working at the stables can be demanding. She starts at 3am at Gai Waterhouse Racing Stables in Kensington, where her duties include exercising the horses and schooling them to be ready for the racecourses. When dealing with such large “LOOK, I animals she recognises that it can, at times, be CAN’T IGNORE a dangerous profession. THE PRIVILEGE THAT for Bart,” he says. “I’ve had broken wrists “That’s not something I WAS BORN INTO, BUT and ribs from riding, a lot of people can say but none so far from THAT’S NO REASON FOR they’ve done.” the track,” she says. ME TO TURN MY BACK Of course Despite the injuries ‘Bart’ refers to James’ ON AN OPPORTUNITY and the tough hours, grandfather Bart TO LEARN FROM McCosker finds working Cummings, the man with race horses a rewarding they call the “Cups King.” THE BEST.” job, especially in the lead up In a sixty-year racing career, he’s won the Melbourne cup to race day. twelve times (with five quinellas), “Race day for me is a culmination a feat which may never be equalled. of hard work, enjoyment and celebration, Cummings Junior Junior (James’ father especially as we watch the horses we have Anthony is also a successful trainer) now worked so closely with strive for their best. has his own nickname in the racing industry, Experiencing and sharing this with the though considerably less flattering – “Silver trainers, owners and race patrons is always Spoon.” Haters gon’ hate. a highlight for me.” “Look, I can’t ignore the privilege that When asked whether she would rather I was born into, but that’s no reason for me fight a horse-sized duck or a hundred duckto turn my back on an opportunity to learn sized horses, McCosker takes the diplomatic from the best,” he says. road and picks a hundred duck-sized horses. “When I started working [for Bart], “Horses are extremely intelligent and caring. I was well and truly thrown into the deep end. People who know [Bart] would agree that I have You won’t need to fight them if you could just learn to work with them. They’re just so eager a very hard taskmaster. I’m given very little that to please. A big duck wouldn’t know where I haven’t worked hard to deserve and I haven’t to put its feet.” done it the easy way, let’s put it that way.” Holly McCosker is an Animal and Sounds like horse shit to me.

12/10/12 4:25 PM

ISSUE 08 SCIENCE & TECH

SCIENCE & TECH

Cyborgs For Real ADAM CHALMERS IS A ROBOT FROM THE FUTURE AND HE NEEDS YOUR CLOTHES, YOUR BOOTS AND YOUR MOTORCYCLE.

yborgs – half human, half robot – exist in today’s world. First conceived in the madhouse of science fiction (think Blade Runner, Terminator and I, Robot), what was once thought of as dystopian is now saving lives and could be the next step in our evolution. Think about it: human body parts are fleshy and weak. They’re prone to infection, cancer and deterioration in old age. So let’s stop using them. Let’s engineer a better body, with better body parts. Cybernetic organs are already being tested in major hospitals, and are rapidly changing what we think of as ‘impossible’. Cybernetics are restoring sight to the blind, letting the disabled walk and even curing Parkinson’s. Cyborgs exist, and over the next century, we’re going to become them. Over 1.5 million people across the world have retinitis pigmentosa, meaning their retinas don’t pass vital messages to the brain, resulting in total blindness. Luckily, scientists are now testing artificial cybernetic retina to cure those people of their blindness. ss. Three patients recently had 5mm-long artificial al retina implanted into their eyes. One side of the artificial retina has light-sensing units and the other, an electrical generator connected to o the optic nerve. When a light-sensing unit detected tected light, it sends out an electric signal – just like a sensor inside a digital camera. Except pt these electrical signals don’t end up on n Instagram – they end up inside the patient’s brain. There is massive potential otential in artificial retinas, not only nly to give sight to the blind but also lso to enhance the sight of thee alreadyseeing. The current model odel has only got 1,500 light-sensing nsing units, compared to the 100 million light-sensing retina tina cells humans normally have. But, according to Moore’s law of exponential growth, scientists expect this technology to surpass the biological eye in the next five years and double in its capacity by the end of the decade. This means higher resolutions of sight for everyone.

BULL 08_NB_final.indd 39

Imagine that: real life, now in even fuller HD. The same cybernetic approach is being applied to artificial limbs. For instance, DARPA (the Pentagon’s mad scientist division) is developing prosthetic limbs that can be operated with the power of your mind. An earlier prototype of this project was called the “Luke Arm,” after Luke Skywalker. While all prosthetic hands let their users grip objects, this newer model also lets you feel and touch. Just like an artificial retina plugs thousands of light-sensing units into your optic nerve, artificial skin can plug thousands of touch and texture sensing units into the nerves of your arm, sending the touch information back into your motor-cortex and letting disabled users they’re actually feel what they re touching.

And where older prosthetics were operated mechanically using a spring or pulley, DARPA’s prototype combines new-tech in robotics and neurology. A small sensor is implanted in the user’s skull, just above the motor-cortex, and tracks the electric flows of activating neurons to figure out how the user is trying to move their arm. This technology is still developing. At the moment they’re only capable of simple up-down-left-right-grasp-ungrasp movements. But soon, mechatronic cyborgs will be catching balls and climbing trees like the rest of us. As with the artificial retina, the benefits of cybernetic limbs aren’t limited to the medicine. Powered exoskeletons are robotic suits that augment an ordinary person’s physical abilities and they are currently being tested in military departments, tech companies and universities. The most advanced version right now is the hybrid assistive limb from Tsukuba University in Japan (also known as HAL, a reference to 2001: A Space Odyssey’s ‘HAL 9000’). It’s still in development but is said to increase the wearer’s speed and strength by up to ten times. Now that, in the words of Kanye, better, faster, stronger.” will “make us harder, bette far-fetched? You may be Sound a bit far-fetche surprised to find that not no only do cyborgs exist, they’ve been around for a while. That pacemaker? She’s got woman with th a p inside her. All people a machine m chin ma ne in pacemakers are effectively with pacem cyborgs with machines on heart, which constantly their h them to keep them zap th alive. Maybe in a few alive years other cybernetic year organs like artificial org eyes and robotic ey lillimbs m will become as commonplace and co socially accepted as so pacemakers are today. p Cyborgs are no llonger the stuff of lo science fiction. They’re sc in our houses, teaching our schools, shopping our supermarkets. in o this doesn’t mean But th humanity’s under attack from humani Terminators and Darth Vaders. Terminato It jjust ust means we’re finding new lives and live longer. ways to save liv

12/10/12 4:25 PM

BULL USUONLINE.COM ARTS

ARTS Best You Never Had:

Obscure music you should listen to PLEASE DIRECT ALL HATE MAIL TO XIAORAN SHI.

he prospect of summer; it hangs in the air, suspended by heat and humidity. The creeping blush of green and the impatient hemlines lurking behind every corner gesture at its proximity. Your limbs itch under heavy fabrics, longing for the sun’s touch.You daydream about treading water in the deep. The good news is, every day is bringing you closer. For now, simply close your eyes and let these sweet, new tunes carry you towards a warmer climate. No wait has ever been this delicious. BEDROOM CLUB Full disclosure: the author primarily made up this genre for the express purpose to discuss the work of London electronic producer, Burial. His discography has consistently eluded singular classification, yet his work has evolved from introspective sketches collected in his 2006 self-titled debut to the sublime solar systems of sound painted in his latest solo offering, Kindred.

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The legacy of Burial’s opiated beats haunts the singles sensually crafted by Tom Krell, the man behind How To Dress Well.

Hermetically reclusive, Burial has never toured (only one grainy photograph of him exists in the public domain) and has won cult status solely on the merit of his releases. Like the effects of a fast-acting Xanax, listening to Burial is rehabilitating; it floods your bloodstream with a rush of pleasure. The fragile, pitchshifted vocals lap at your ears, the melodic bass melodies play tricks with your heart, and the metallic pertussis characteristic of his work will settle in your mind for days to come. The legacy of Burial’s opiated beats haunts the singles sensually crafted by Tom Krell, the man behind How To Dress Well. Total Loss, Krell’s sophomore album, channels the soulful roots of his resident Chicago and elaborates on ideas introduced in his first album Love Remains. The two releases make most sense when appreciated in tandem as a diptych. Juxtaposing infectious R&B jams against his breathy falsetto and lyrical obsession with the departed, the end product is a gossamer-spun fairytale, almost too intricate in its beauty to be true. A little closer to home, the lush textures put together by up-and-coming local producer Nakagin, inhabit the same creative space as that of Krell and Burial. Rarely venturing beyond four minutes, his tracks represent an exercise in precision and pacing; they are haikus rather than epics. Deriving his pseudonym from a piece of Japanese architecture, this 20 year old University of Sydney student draws us into bittersweet dream-worlds reminiscent of the Tokyo envisioned in Coppola’s Lost in Translation where the echoes of chimes tinkling in the distance, the running of water, and the primitive orchestra of slot machines fade in and out of memory.

SONGS IDEAL FOR lovelorn mixtapes, nights spent alone, stargazing and navel-gazing:

1. Burial – Ashtray Wasp

2. How To Dress Well – Suicide Dream 2

3. Nakagin – Snow Statue

12/10/12 4:26 PM

ISSUE 08 SECTION HEADING

WRITE FOR IN 2013

usubullmag@gmail.com BULL 08_NB_final.indd 41

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BULL USUONLINE.COM REVIEWS

REVIEWS ALBUM BEACON TWO DOOR CINEMA CLUB

VIDEO GAME MISTS OF PANDARIA BLIZZARD ENTERTAINMENT

TV NEW GIRL ELIZABETH MERIWETHER

ALBUM THE RUBENS THE RUBENS

Incredibly polished and accessible, Beacon once again highlights why Two Door Cinema Club is the critical and commercial darling of the ever burgeoning indie rock scene. Building on the success of their 2010 debut Tourist History, the lads from Northern Ireland blend their characteristically boisterous energy and upbeat styling with a far more mature, melancholic sound. Standout track ‘Someday’ beautifully encapsulates this new approach, meshing the frenetic squealing guitar riffs fans adored on 2010’s breakthrough single ‘Undercover Martyn’, with a buzzing bass line and distorted electro-pop synths. Front man Alex Trimble brings an endearing fragility and shyness through his warbling vocals. Demonstrating their musical diversity, the down-tempo ‘Sun’ sounds very much like a track from seminal piano-rockers Keane in their heyday, albeit mixed with a touch of Mike Snow’s summer sensibility. Unfortunately, the album is let down by lead single ‘Sleep Alone’. It’s an incredibly catchy, radio-friendly tune, which will attract at first listen. But it soon sounds too much like the same old same old. Title track ‘Beacon’ and ‘Remember My Name’ which close off the album similarly sound like a rehash of old material. But this lacklustre finish notwithstanding, Beacon is a fantastic album.

World of Warcraft (or WoW) is a massive online universe populated by elves, orcs, wizards and now, pandas.Yes, you heard right, pandas. The expansion pack, Mists of Pandaria, marks a distinct change of tone for the WoW franchise. Granted it’s always had a sense of humour but for many, this is a leap too far, moving from wacky and endearing to just plain weird. The package unlocks the Monk class, a new race of giant pandas called the Pandaren on a new continent, the imaginatively named Pandaria. If you think that previous sentence had too many pandas in it, you wouldn’t be wrong. It’s hard to see what, beside the addition of magical Oriental bears, this latest expansion pack offers that warrants the $60 price tag. Some die-hard WoWers will point to the increase of level cap from 85 to 90. If you want to play the same stock-standard quests and dungeons for that level-90 cap, then be my guest. But if you want a challenging and inspired online game experience, you should look elsewhere (GuildWars 2, perhaps). Despite this, millions of people will still buy Mists of Pandaria purely because of its connection with the WoW franchise. Or perhaps because, as that cheese ad says, you should never say no to panda.

New Girl seems like the beginning of a bad joke: Jess (Zooey Deschanel) moves in with three guys she meets on the Internet: one black guy, one Jewish guy and a heartbroken bartender with whom Jess will obviously get together in the season finale The second season of New Girl continues to present characters who are, somehow, original, funny and believable with original humour. However, this season Jess is becoming less adorable and more dorkable. In season one, the character Jess allowed Deschanel to display her specific strain of feminism. Her character embodied the idea that women can be strong and smart while wearing sundresses, partaking in craft time and without being overtly serious However, in this season Jess is so co-dependent and directionless she can’t even make it to IKEA by herself. Get it together girl. Her relationship with the bartender Nick, which was natural and funny in Season 1, has become more forced and less subtle. Despite these flaws, it is a funny, smart and, despite all the odds, an original show.

With countless sold out gigs and a spot on the Splendour lineup, it’s no surprise The Rubens’ self-titled debut album is more than your typical indie-pop band playing around with their guitars at home and whining about lost loves. The quasi-perfect combination of pop and blues rock spiced with some consistently soulful vocals was produced by David Kahne, who has worked with the wondrous likes of Regina Spektor, Paul McCartney and The Strokes. The Rubens’ first single ‘Lay It Down’ oozed bluesy smoothness and sent the masses swooning with considerable airplay on triple j. The rest of the album showcases the band’s versatility and lead singer Sam Margin’s vocal prowess. ‘Never be the Same’ is a hidden gem in the album, starting with bare keyboards and vocals, gradually layering up to a balladesque climax. ‘Look Good, Feel Good’ is a more upbeat standout with twangy guitars and an underlay of organlike chords that will see your head bobbing at the very least. The Rubens dabble in many different styles across this album, playing around with more unusual syncopation and song structure. If you want to be surprised and you’re looking for an alternative to the tide of electro-indie – this album is it.

MIKAELA DERY

*****

LAWRENCE MUSKITTA

KATIE DAVERN

*****

ROB NORTH

*****

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ISSUE 08 REVIEWS

BOOK

The Casual Vacancy J.K. Rowling

CLASSIC COUNTDOWN Sexual Fetishes BRONTE LAMBOURNE HITS THE SPOT – REPEATEDLY.

FOOT FETISH Forget your bar job, Lily Haze has unearthed

the latest student gold mine by exploiting the “underwear underworld” of foot fetishes. Lily sells her worn socks to a range of online clients for up to $50 a pop, using it to fund her self-proclaimed “smug shit lifestyle.” But selling used socks does require some work. In order to guarantee the socks are soiled enough, Lily exercises or wears them for three days straight before mailing. The business, she claims, is a great opportunity to hone her entrepreneurial skills… yep, that'll go down a treat on the CV.

The Casual Vacancy begins with the death of a Parish Councilor in the English country town of Pagford and pivots on the repercussions of the man’s death on this tiny village. Who will take the dead man’s seat on the Parish council? Will anyone continue to champion the interests of the people living in ‘The Fields’ housing estate? Or will ‘The Fields’ be cut off from Pagford and forced onto the neighboring district of Yarvil? Rowling once again shows her capacity for knitting several plotlines together as she narrates the interweaving stories of seven families. Although the sub-plots draw attention away from the main narrative, the book is still captivating because the characters are well drawn, albeit rather depressing. It seems Rowling has tried to cover every negative subject she can think of in the book’s 500 pages: prostitution, heroin addiction, obesity, racism, self-harm, rape, suicide, domestic violence, infidelity, sabotage, cyber-bullying and theft – just to name a few. The new Rowling swears like a trooper: Molly Weasley’s “not my daughter, you bitch!” was the magical creature equivalent of a flobberworm compared to what she lets rip in this. It’s also filled with sex: the words “miraculously unguarded vagina” and “with an ache in his heart and in his balls” just goes to show how much she censored Harry’s other wand. The Casual Vacancy is a paean to Rowling’s self-confessed obsession with mortality. The title itself encapsulates her definition of death: the shock of how unremarkable death is, ‘a casual vacancy’, without fanfare. But the hope and moral conviction ever-present in Harry Potter has been deserted. For example, in stark contrast to Harry, where his moral conviction applies to everything, ‘Fats’, a rebellious teenager, strives to adhere to his self-made religion of ‘authenticity’ yet ultimately fails to do so. This is a poignant peek into the typical mind of a teenager struggling to shape their emerging moral consciousness. Other characters also irresistibly parallel those in Harry Potter: the hypocrisy of the pretentious middle-classes portrayed by the Dursleys’ is examined more closely in the Vernon-esque Howard; Simon, carved in the same mould as Voldemort, keeps his family in a constant state of terror; and Krystal, the daughter of a heroin junkie brought up in ‘The Fields’ is completely alone in the world, but unlike Harry, she has no Hogwarts to go to. One could say Pagford is what Harry’s world would have been if he had never left his cupboard.

ELEANOR HARRISON-DENGATE

FEEDERISM Donna Simpson became an online phenomenon when she announced her goal to become the world’s largest woman. As a member of the ‘feederism’ community, Donna ran a lucrative service whereby subscribers would become aroused by watching her eat on a webcam. With 7000 paying fans, Donna earned almost $100,000 from the site annually. Eating for money? Where do I sign up? Before you try this one at home keep in mind, Donna’s daily diet consisted of four burgers and fries, a loaf of bread with peanut butter and jam, four servings of meatloaf and mashed potato, a large pizza, a chocolate cake with ice cream and cream, 12 cupcakes, two cheesecakes and fizzy drinks.

FURRY FETISHISM While its one thing being wild in the

bedroom, the furry community takes the whole ‘animal in bed’ thing a little too literally. In the simplest sense, furries are fans of anthropormophic animals, or in the words of Entourage, “someone who wants to fuck you like a stuffed animal.” Fetishes in the furry community may involve plushophiles, those who are aroused by stuffed animal toys, or furverts, who are sexually attracted to mascots and have sex in fursuits. Never mind the biological limitations of interspecies sex, here you can see everything from bunnies and bears to rooster-on-rhino action.

ADULT BABIES The number of students who can now admit to owning a onesie has grown alarmingly high, but as long as you don’t team that with a bib, dummy and diaper, you’re still in the clear. Adult babies enjoy role-playing a regression to infanthood in all its debilitating glories – they will sleep in a crib, eat baby foods, drink from a bottle and, depending on the DOCS record of their role-play ‘mother’, be spanked. Adult babies are also known for their association with other unsavoury fetishes including urophilia and coprophilia – think ‘two girls one cup’. I’ll leave the mental images there.

WHITE POWER MILK Ok, it might be a questionable form of performance art by eccentric New York artist Nate Hill, but if this one is real it’s sure to be number one. The White Power Milk website sells milk in quantities of one or two mouthfuls – yes mouthfuls because this milk has been pre-gargled for you. Before you start recoiling at the idea of seven-day-old milk that has already done the rounds of someone else’s mouth, we haven’t even got to the secret ingredient yet. Each client may select which “rich, beautiful white girl” he would like to gargle his milk (nope that’s not a euphemism). The girls are selected from the “upper echelons of society” and list hobbies such as sailing, tennis and horseback riding.

*****

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BULL USUONLINE.COM CAUGHT ON CAMPUS

WE MAKE OUR OWN STYLE, GANGNAM.

JACKSON POLLOCK, EAT YOUR HEART OUT.

A WITHERING WILLOW.

DUCT TAPE’S NEW WOMEN’S RANGE. TRYING TO HI-5 A FIRE STAFF WAS A BAD CHOICE.

VERGE FESTIVAL: 03-12 OCTOBER

he USU’s flagship event, Verge Festival, definitely lived up to this year’s theme: ‘Compulsory Fun’. The campus came alive with an array of fun-inducing activities such as Daily Tunes in the Dome, Harry Potter Trivia, an intense game of Humans Vs Zombies, the creation of Jackson Pollock inspired artworks and a night dedicated to the Magical Music of Disney. Till next year…

CAUGHT ON CAMPUS

IMAGES TAKEN BY JAMIE KENNEDY, DOUG COSGROVE, WILLIS WONG & JAMES ALEXANDER. ZOMBIES WILL NEVER FIND US HERE.

SOMETHING IN THE TEA.

PRIDE ROCK IS IN THE HOUSE TONIGHT.

BRAINS. THE NEWEST PIZZA.

FELIX FELICIS TESTING AT HP TRIVIA. SHE SEEMS SCARED, BUT SHE’S NOT RUNNING.

NERF GUN SALES SKYROCKETED THE WEEKEND OF HVZ.

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12/10/12 4:26 PM

ISSUE 08 CLUB HUB

CLUB HUB Hunger Games LAWRENCE MUSKITTA FASTENS HIS CRAVAT FOR A GASTRONOMICAL ADVENTURE.

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FOOD AND DRINK Societies to raise your glass to.

VEGESOC This peaceable band of vegans and vegetarians serve lunch (and dessert) three times a week. It’s usually a hearty mix of vege curry with cumin rice and sweet halva. Not only is the food healthy and ethical, it’s also “I can’t believe there’s no meat in this” delicious. And at only $5 a platter (for Access members), you’re getting a lot of tofu for your buck.

MOVERS AND SHAKERS

o you like food? I like food. I mean, there are so many different types of food: Asian food, fast food, party food, emotional-eating food and my favourite during assessment season, elaborately-made procrastination food.

Usually a packet of Mi Goreng noodles will suffice, but every once in a little while this cash-strapped student craves for something more refined; to put on a bowtie and dine in the hallowed halls of gustatory gods. Enter the Epicurean Society. With the motto ‘We Love Good Food’, the society (humbly named EpicSoc by its execs) is a haven for those who appreciate fine food and uses its Union subsidies to bring fine dining to the student budget. Jin Wong has been involved with EpicSoc for two years now. Last year, he was the self-labelled “boozehound” in charge of any events which included alcohol, and this year is its President and Foodie-in-Chief. Though he admits his term hasn’t been as active as previous years, EpicSoc has run some pretty great events. They’ve run free cooking lessons, hosted winetastings, picnics, cocktail nights and of course, they dined at the crème de la crème of Sydney’s culinary world. So do you need to be an aspiring Heston Blumenthal or have the tastebuds of Matt Preston to join EpicSoc? “No,” says Jin, “most of our members are just people who

enjoy eating. That’s all you need. That combined with a curiosity for what Sydney has to offer. With so many new restaurants popping up all around town, there’s always something new to taste.” “I personally love the feeling when I can take a group of local Sydney-siders to a little underground bar that does incredible gourmet hotdogs, a place that they have never heard of or would have ever noticed. It’s a really special feeling.” Epicurus, of which EpicSoc is named, is not only synonymous with a philosophy of happiness but it also literally translates to ‘ally’ or ‘comrade’. So it isn’t surprising that EpicSoc is generally a great place to meet people. “I made many friends through the society and also a few deep and meaningful relationships, and a couple flings.You’d be surprised how far an intimate night out drinking fancy wine and being dressed to dine can go,” says Jin. And that’s what makes the Epicureans so epic: good food, good people, good conversation and if you’re lucky, a good romp too.

Do you know the difference between a Midori and a Daiquiri? Can you shake a mean vodka martini? No? You can learn all this and more at the cocktail society. Movers and Shakers run fortnightly drinks, regular cocktail crawls and a semesterly pop-up bar.

FOOD CO-OP To be honest, it’s not exactly a place to eat so much as a place to buy food. If you’re living out of home or nearby, the Food Co-op is a cheap and ethical alternative to the Coles/Woolworths megamachine. Run solely by volunteers, it’s located on the fourth floor of Wentworth and sells organic, locally grown food.

TEA SOCIETY Fancy a cuppa? TeaSoc specialises in all things brewed and leafy. From Earl and Lady Grey to chai and more exotic concoctions, however you like it, they’ve got it. These dapper dandies host weekly morning/midday/ afternoon teas (it changes from week to week) with nibbles and banter to match.

CHOCOLATE SOCIETY If you’ve ever dreamed of a world made of chocolate, this may be a step towards your brown (sometimes not brown) utopia. ChocSoc brings the love of chocolate to the brink of idolatry. With regular pancake breakfasts, fondue nights and bi-monthly birthday parties, recovering chocoholics best stay clear of this society.

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BULL USUONLINE.COM BULL PEN

THE BULL PEN Lookin’ sexy, sexy!

City2Surf times are published in the newspaper, and pictures of you vomiting are visible on Facebook.

IAN FERRINGTON KEEPS A TIDY SHOP.

ody image is that unfortunate thing one finds in bathroom mirrors. My expectations have always been not of attracting the opposite sex, but rather the opposite of attracting sex. Mine is a body made for, and by, a sedentary lifestyle. I find exercise difficult to spell, and more difficult to commit to. I resolved one day to do something about it. This became a semi-regular occurrence. My commitment to selfimprovement bears all the unrealised fervor of political donation reform. From my lofty atrium of unapplied knowledge, I offer the following advice. It is more ‘what to do’ than ‘what not to do’, because not doing is the root of the whole problem.

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SUBJECT YOURSELF TO PEER PRESSURE Spend time with friends. Friends with standards. Concealing your flaws from others necessitates a reduction of these flaws to manageable levels. City2Surf times are published in the newspaper, and pictures of you vomiting are visible on Facebook.

IGNORE PEER PRESSURE There’s little value in nonconformity for its own sake. Doing things because other people don’t think they’re good, is just as bad as slavishly following trends. It’s like running an egg and spoon race backwards. It was never going to be fun. But if the expectations of others are at odds with what you really want, ignore them. Just have a quick read through the Crimes Act 1900 before you decide exactly which societal norms to break away from.

go ahead, change the past. If you could stop by 2008 and tell me not to give up organised sports the same year I begin drinking heavily, that would be a huge favour.

IF ALL ELSE FAILS, DRESS BETTER A firmly knotted tie, though offering limited structural support, at least conceals or distracts from chin and neckflab. Less conventional flourishes or accessories also distract from physical flaws. Try a kraken face tattoo! Don’t try a kraken face tattoo. Dressing and styling yourself deliberately makes you look and feel like you’re in control. The trick is to look like you’re in control, but not so in control that it looks like you’ve just stepped out of an 80s sci-fi dystopia film.

BELIEVE IN YOUR DREAMS

REFUSE TO ACCEPT REALITY

No, not the one where Oprah is your fifth-grade teacher and your classmates both are and are not bears. Or the one where you’re already rich and successful without having really done anything. Actually, don’t believe in your dreams. Be aware of what they are, and how to achieve them. Then go do that. Turn this magazine into a jaunty hat, why not? The world is yours, and you’re beautiful.

It can be changed. The future, to be more specific. Unless you have some kind of transdimensional portal machine. In which case,

Stay safe, you crazy kids, see you next year. BULL 2012 out xx

ACCEPT REALITY Nobody’s perfect, even the person you have a crush on.You may think they’re perfect now, but there’s a suspicious correlation between the time period in which they’re perfect, and the period in which you have a crush on them. This will pass.

12/10/12 4:26 PM

ISSUE 08 STOP. PUZZLETIME

STOP. PUZZLETIME WIN A SIX WEEK LATIN DANCE COURSE! WIN!

Need a break from all that exam stress and ‘studying’? Well, here’s your chance to shake your booty and get dancing. Tropical Soul Dance Studio is giving you the chance to win a 6 week Latin dance course valued at $105. Whether you’ve got two left feet or can already wiggle those hips, there’s a variety of classes available at different levels from which you can choose from. There’s Salsa, Bachata, Zouk, Kizomba and more!

For your chance to win, simply send your name and details to usubullmag@gmail.com by 30 November 2012. The winner will be notified by email. Good Luck! For more details check out their website: www.tsdance.com.au

SUDOKU

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1 3 8 2 9 4

WHEEL WORDS

4 9 5 2 6 9 3 5 4 7 3 7 9 1 3 4 6 8 7 8

M N

E G

Create as many words of 4 letters or more using the given letters once only but always including the middle letter. Do not use proper names or plurals. See if you can find the 9-letter word using up all letters.

10 Good 18 Very Good

26+ Excellent

________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________

12/10/12 4:26 PM

SUMMER RESEARCH SCHOLARSHIPS CHARLES PERKINS CENTRE

The Charles Perkins Centre is an exciting University of Sydney research collaboration, challenging existing approaches to the treatment and management of obesity, diabetes and cardiovascular disease. We are calling for applications from full-time undergraduate students for our annual Summer Research Scholarships.

12/3068 CRICOS 00026A

Students on each project we support will receive a stipend of $300 per week (maximum of eight weeks). Projects need to conclude on 28Â February 2013. Please submit your application by 30 November 2012.

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For more information and to apply, visit

sydney.edu.au/perkins/news

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15/10/12 11:08 AM