BULL Magazine 2012 - Issue 5 by BULL Magazine

10 12 14 21 28

Meet the New Exec London 2012 Love is in the heir Secret sydney hire me, maybe

Short Stories

Little people, long shadows

issue 05, 2012

Issue 05 contents

grad stories

28 Editors

Bronte Lambourne Lawrence Muskitta Misa Han Pierce Hartigan Xiaoran Shi usubullmag@gmail.com Contributors

Simone Richardson, Mariana PodestĂĄDiverio, Alex Ferendino, Natasha Townshend, Jessica Simons, John Rowley, Gabriella Edelstein, Katt Johns, Michelle Garrett, Neroli Austin, Tom Walker, Avani Dias, Harry Saunders, Emily Claire Swanson, Laura Hanlon, Amanda Choularton Design

Nina Bretnall Simon Macias Publications Manager

Louisa Stylian

www.usuonline.com Like Us Facebook.com/usubullmagazine The views in this publication are not necessarily the views of USU. The information contained within this edition of Bull Magazine was correct at the time of printing. This publication is brought to you by the University of Sydney Union and The University of Sydney. Issue 05, 2012 Cover photo by Peter Hapak for The NewYork Times

contents meet the new exec

london 2012

love is in the heir

short stories

secret sydney

hire me, maybe

Shutter Up News Columns Whatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s On Interview Campus Chatter Youniversity Food & Booze Travel Fashion Sport Science & Tech The Arts Reviews Club Hub Stop. Puzzletime The Bull Pen

04 05 06 08 17 24 31 32 33 35 36 37 38 40 40 43 45

bull USUonline.com usuonline.com what’s shutteron up

By The Stacks

Students stroll by Fisher Library stacks at the end of another uni day

shutter up

Photographer: GEORGE QIONGZE SHE [CANON 500D F5, 1/60]

snap!

Send us your unique, arty or just plain cool (as in, not another quad shot) campus snap to usubullmag@gmail.com. We’ll publish our faves each edition in full page glory. High-res, 300dpi jpegs only – portrait-orientation.

Issue 05 news

1 The USU Australs Debating Contingent gather at the end of a gruelling tournament, held at Victoria University, Wellington, NZ. 2 We bid farewell to USU Immediate Past President, Sibella Matthews.

NEWS Sibella Matthews Immediate Past President Finishing up on the Board after a two-year term is bittersweet. It has been the most exciting and rewarding two years of my 22 year old life, but all good things must come to an end! Firstly, I would like to congratulate the incoming President, Astha Rajvanshi. She is a woman of great integrity, and will lead with diplomacy and courage. She has a wonderful team helping her along the way, with Brigid Dixon as Vice President, Rhys Pogonoski as Honorary Treasurer, and Zac Thompson as Honorary Secretary. Having worked with all four of these individuals throughout the last year on Board, I have so much excitement for what lies ahead for the USU and I am sure they will do a stellar job. The thing I will miss most about being on the Board is

working with our wonderfully dedicated staff. Each and every one of them is passionate about the student experience, and will always go out of their way to realise the vision of our student event coordinators, festival directors, publication editors or Board Directors. There is something really special about working for an organisation that allows students, as young as 17 or 18, to run festivals with budgets of $250,000, or sit on the governing Board that oversees an annual turnover of $22 million. This is because the USU recognises that those who know whatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s best for the student experience are students themselves. The past year or so has seen a number of challenges for the USU, particularly with the threat of a transfer of our commercial operations to the University, but it has also been a very positive time for the USU to really

question what we do, and why we do it. This year the Board made some significant decisions, such as ceasing the sale of tobacco products, expanding our services at the affiliate campuses, establishing the Interfaith Council, convening the inaugural Indigenous Festival, introducing the sale of kosher food and leading a greater emphasis on healthy food options including Raw Health Food Bar. It has been a privilege to have served as USU President, and I will always be grateful for the opportunity to have been involved in this wonderful organisation, and to have worked with so many inspiring individuals on the USU Board. I wish all the best for the incoming Board, and I am sure their work will continue to enrich the student experience at the University of Sydney.

Here, here: Australs 2012 Over 400 debaters and adjudicators from 28 institutions competed in the 2012 Australasian Intervarsity Debating Tournament this month. Fondly known as Australs, the USU sent six teams and five adjudicators to Victoria University in Wellington, NZ, to

compete over the week of 8-15 July. Australs began in the 70s and was first hosted by the University of Sydney. The debating format is three on three with reply speeches. After eight rounds of debating, the top 16 teams progress to the final rounds to compete for the championship crown. Three of our six teams (USU 1, USU 2 and USU 3) and four of our five adjudicators (Daniel Farinha, Annie Gribble, Lucian Tan and Felix Donovan) made it to the Finals. USU 3 were unfortunately defeated in the Octo Final, USU 1 made it through to the Quarter Finals before being defeated by the host university, Victoria, and USU 2 made it as far as the Semi Finals until losing to Monash 2 in a close debate. Daniel Farinha was awarded an adjudication spot on the panel of the Grand Final. Congratulations to Elle Jones who was 4th Best Speaker and Best Reply Speaker at the tournament, and to Daniel Swain who was 3rd Best Speaker of the tournament. Congratulations to all teams and adjudicators involved and best of luck for a successful second semester of debating!

bull usuonline.com columns

columns EDITORS’ NOTE Bronte, Lawrence, Misa, Pierce and Xiaoran

At the time this issue was written, the Olympics hadn’t even started yet. Put that in your pipe and smoke it, and light it with the Olympic flame. We wonder if anyone’s ever done that. Probably. In the 80s, most likely. They got away with stuff like that. And mullets. Of course, you can still get away with a mullet in The Shire. Watching the Olympics and The Shire while eating stringy cheese and drinking Pimm’s and lemonade remind you of your millennium childhood. Except we didn’t drink Pimm’s and lemonade back then – it was all about the energy drinks, until our metabolism caught up and we waved Red Bull goodbye and started drinking the sugar free version instead. In the 50s they didn’t have sugar free drinks, which explains the voluptuous women and the vintage dresses in Mad Men. But unlike the picture perfect Don Draper and Peggy Olson, most of us don’t live in our time - we live behind our time. Which explains a lot of things, like that IKEA chair that somehow creeps into our bedroom and that 80s instructor's flouro dress and that remake of the Spiderman movie. But apparently Andrew Garfield is a hottie and stringy cheese is delicious, especially with alcohol. So pour yourselves a drink and mix it with some Olympic spirit. Full circle. BULL xx

president’s desk

As the USU bids a sad farewell to Immediate Past President, Sibella Matthews, it welcomes new President Astha Rajvanshi, who is passionate about delivering the ultimate experience to every Sydney Uni student, on every campus.

ASTHA RAJVANSHI

I’m ecstatic to be the USU President for the year ahead. The USU is moving into exciting times where the focus will be on innovation and creativity to continue to deliver the best student experience. As a Board Director last year, I was fortunate to work closely with Sibella Matthews and it was great to see her in action. I will definitely miss having her around, but I hope to follow in her footsteps! Recently, I visited Orange and Dubbo with Sibella and other USU staff members to see how the USU could improve its programs and services for Sydney Uni students studying on these campuses. We are now working on setting up a clubs program to provide a more socially-inclusive experience away from home. This development has come directly from the Student Services and Amenities Fee (SSAF) funding, and I look forward to more initiatives like this coming to fruition this year through the SSAF. I first got involved with the USU back in 2010 when I attended my first O-Week party with the theme ‘Space Odyssey’ (I’ve still got my 3D glasses!). Last year I was reading the April edition of Bull and came across an ad on the back that read "Student Leaders Wanted," which is how I decided to run for the USU Board elections under the slogan ‘Astha la Vista’. It’s been a steep learning curve since I was elected to Board in 2011, but I’ve had an amazing experience so far exploring different facets of the USU and meeting so many talented individuals. I’m currently in my third year of studying Arts (Media and Communications), majoring in Asian Studies and International and Comparative Literature Studies. After I graduate I plan to undertake further study overseas and possibly get into print media. When I’m not busy with the USU, I love eating out with friends, listening to music and reading everything from books and magazines to blogs and articles on the Internet.

Student Leader Diary

Each month, we ask some of the students in the campus community about their experience.

Louise Castle 2012 Interfaith Director Unless you’re already involved in it, you may not realise there’s a thriving religious culture on campus, with 17 clubs meeting weekly for lectures, prayer meetings, meals, and meditation sessions. Last year, all these activities were brought together in the USU’s first ever Interfaith Week. Set to happen again this year, we’ve put together a program comprising of panels, talks, workshops, and even the launch of the USU’s very first Interfaith publication. Building on last year’s success, and seeking to bridge these 17 disparate communities, the first Interfaith Council was formed. Meeting twice each semester, our cohort of engaged and passionate religious leaders come together to discuss joint initiatives, share experiences, and debunk religious misconceptions. As well as getting this council up and running, my job as Interfaith Director, along with Lawrence Muskitta, has been to create a program for Interfaith Week that engages all students regardless of religious persuasion. This has involved pestering politicians to be on our panels, collaborating with students from all different backgrounds, giving in to the capitalising duopoly of kosher caterers in Sydney, and finding out that the ABC’s switchboard will connect you to any ABC personality without a moment’s hesitation. So whether you share in Shabbat, carry a crucifix, make it to Mecca, or fear the faithful, make sure you check out some of the events during Interfaith Week, September 3-7.

2 R E T S E EM

S S A P M GY

rt i h s t e t a fre

& ge

With 2 on-campus fitness facilities, the Semester 2 Gym Pass is the best value for money for students and staff.

Hurry, offer endS 12 AuGuSt.

Drop into one of our facilities, visit www.susf.com.au, or call: Sports & Aquatic Centre: 9351 4978 the Arena: 9351 8111 Promotional period: 23 July â&#x20AC;&#x201C; 12 August. Available for Sydney Uni students and staff only. Time stop is not available on the Semester 2 Pass. All passes expire on 1 December 2012.

bull USUonline.com what’s on

WHAT’S ON TUE

week 1 (AUGUST)

MON

Clubs and Socs – remember to submit your events on the website!

WED

THU

RE-O DAY AND INTERNATIONAL FOOD FAIR

WHAT I SAID YESTERDAY: NARRATIVES OF CHILDHOOD

week 2 (AUGUST)

week 3 (AUGUST)

week 4 (AUGUST)

REVUE SEASON STARTS

Band comp final

Seymour Centre

Manning Bar

BAND COMP SEMI FINAL 1

FRI 03

6pm, Verge Gallery

week 5 (AUGUST)

10am-4pm, Eastern Avenue

For the FULL CALENDAR OF EVENTS – head to USUONLINE.COM AND CLICK THE CALENDAR.

09 snowball

dress-up theme.]

7pm, Manning Bar

Manning Bar

BAND COMP SEMI FINAL 2

performance night

budweiser pool ball

6pm, Verge Gallery

Manning Bar

31 Art collections officers' show 6pm, Verge Gallery

Issue 05 what’s on

MONDAYS

EVERY WEEK

FREE FILM SCREENING

6pm, International Student Lounge

TUESDAYS

Week 2 Monday 06 august foundation of international medical relief of children igm 12-2pm, Isabel Fidler

EVERY WEEK

Tuesday 07 august

Australian discussion group

Band Comp Semi Final

3-4pm, International Student Lounge

Manning Bar

Wednesday 08 august

tuesday tv

12-3pm, Manning Bar

rock ya balls bingo

SPARKSOC AGM

HERMANN’S TRIVIA

1-2pm, Elec Eng Common Room (building J13, room 460)

5-6pm, Hermann's Bar

1-2pm, Hermann’s Bar

WEDNESDAYS

EVERY WEEK

FORNIGHTLY MARKETS

11am-3pm, Eastern Ave (1 August-17 August)

FORNIGHTLY FUNCH (fun @ lunch)

Thursday 09 august ARTIST/CURATOR TALK 1pm, Verge Gallery

INTERFAITH COUNCIL MEETING 5-7pm, Manning Meeting Room 1

1-2pm, Eastern Ave (8 August-24 October)

SUnday 12 august

MANNING TRIVIA

SYDNEY ROCK ‘N’ ROLL & ALTERNATIVE MARKET

5-6pm, Manning Bar

FILM SOCIETY FREE FILM SCREENING

6pm, International Student Lounge

SUNSET JAZZ

6:30-9:30pm, Manning Bar

PROJECT 52 COMEDY

10.30am, Manning Bar $1

Week 3 Tuesday 14 august Band Comp Semi Final t2 Manning Bar

7.30-10.30pm, Hermann’s Bar

Wednesday 15 august

THURSDAYS

THE RUBENS + Phebe Starr and Lime cordiale

EVERY WEEK

THEATRESPORTS®

1-2pm, Manning Bar

POOL COMPETITION

4-6pm, International Student Lounge

FRIDAYS

EVERY WEEK

WEEKEND WARM-UP DJs

4-7pm, Manning Bar

FRIDAY NIGHT LIVE

7-11pm, Hermann’s Bar

t.g.i.f (tell grads its friday)

Postgrad Drinks first Friday of the month 5:30pm, Hermann’s Bar (3 August, 7 September, 5 October)

Opening 8pm, Manning Bar

Thursday 16 June RUSSOC AGM 4-6pm, Isabel Fiddler

Friday 17 august NØCTURNE 7.30pm, Everest Theatre Seymour Centre $20 Access Members $25 Concession $35 Adult

REVUES!

Confirmed so far (prices vary): ARCHITECTURE 30 August-1 September Reginald, Seymour Centre ARTS 23-25 August Everest, Seymour Centre COMMERCE 29-31 August Everest, Seymour Centre EDUCATION AND SOCIAL WORK 22-24 August Reginald, Seymour Centre LAW 29 August-1 September York, Seymour Centre MEDICINE 12-15 September York, Seymour Centre QUEER 5-8 September Reginald, Seymour Centre SCIENCE 6-8 September York, Seymour Centre ENGINEERING 13 September Manning Bar Keep an eye on usuonline. com for more info

top picks WHAT I SAID YESTERDAY: NARRATIVES OF CHILDHOOD

Curated by Hayley Coghlan and Julian Kenworthy, featuring works by 15 artists

Opening Thursday 2 August @ 6pm Exhibiting 3-10 August, Mon-Fri 10am-5pm Verge Gallery We keep coming back to them. They’re our precarious safety blankets, wrapping up the dreams and nightmares through which we filter everything. According to Freud they are the key to all phobias and manias. Featuring a variety of media including photos, videos, installations and performances, this exhibition unleashes the inner-child. Verge will be transformed into an oversized cubby house, partitioned into rooms, each a compartment for a different artist’s baggage. Teetering somewhere between longing and repulsion, ‘What I Said Yesterday’ will take you on a one way trip back to where it all began.

THE RUBENS

Wednesday 15 August 2012 8pm, Manning Bar The new single from The Rubens, Don’t EverWant To Be Found, is a blues soaked track with copious amounts of soul. Hailing from Menangle in country NSW, The Rubens is three brothers, Sam, Elliott and Zaac Margin, and childhood friend Scott Baldwin. Forming in early 2011, their home recorded track Lay It Down blew everyone away and hit #57 in triple j’s Hottest 100 (2011). Earlier this year The Rubens spent some time in New York recording their debut album with producer David Kahne, who is known for producing huge names like Paul McCartney, Regina Spektor and The Strokes. Their album will be released later this year. Tickets Access: $5 + bf from Access Desk General: $10 + bf from manningbar.com / 1300 762 545 Supports: Phebe Starr + Lime Cordiale

bull usuonline.com feature

Astha Rajvanshi - President What does your role as President entail? Well, as of the time of writing this I'm still getting my head around it (I was only elected a week ago!). But there are three broad areas. Firstly, I have to ensure the Board stays on the right strategic track. The USU, earlier this year, developed three priorities for the next four years: relevance, sustainability and community. Ensuring these are adhered to at every stage is vital to the role. Secondly, I have to manage all stakeholder relationships, with the help of the Board. This includes: the University, alumni, staff, the media, non-members and of course members. Thirdly, I have to help the incoming Directors in their development and education. The amount of information that new Directors have to digest in such a short space is unfathomable. The Executive have to make sure it's a smooth process.

n the eve of Friday 22 June 2012, the new USU Executive was announced. The four Directors will hold their positions for the next 12 months and although their tenure is short, they have exciting plans for the future of the USU.

What do you see as the three biggest challenges for the Union in the year to come? 1 Securing funding from SSAF to expand our membership through Universal Access. It's really cool that we can plan for a time where each and every student can join clubs and societies, apply for USU leadership positions and engage with everything we do. 2 Moving away from survival to growth means that we can take risks to be more innovative and creative with our ideas, such as new investment opportunities, upgrading the website, and looking at opening an innovation hub for future entrepreneurs. The USU can't settle, we need to continue working towards being bigger and better for all students. 3 Ensuring effective development for the Board Directors to maintain good governance, relevance and responsible decision-making. The Union's history is so rich and comprehensive, and a lot can be attributed to the strong commitment displayed by past boards and staff. This needs to continue through utilising the Board's passion in the best way possible. Best advice you’ve ever received? It’s been from a wise Immediate Past President, Sibella Matthews, that the USU is an organisation bigger than just you, the individual. It's really important to remember this when, as a Board Director, you’re required to make tough decisions. After all, no one ever said that being on the Board was going to be easy! At the moment you’re listening to… 'Call Me Maybe' by Carly Rae Jepsen. I'll do whatever Beiber tells me to. Favourite cuisine? Cheap and nasty Thai food on King Street - unbeatable.

Secret talent? I've been learning classical Indian dancing (among other forms) for over nine years. No requests for demonstrations please!

Brigid Dixon – Vice President What does your role as Vice-President entail? The role of the VP is to be an extra set of eyes, ears, hands and legs for the President. Sometimes that will mean I am under direction, and other times I will be a fresh perspective. At the same time, I facilitate the whole Board and help to make us an active and effective unit for the entire organisation and in turn, our members. What do you see as the three biggest challenges for the Union in the year to come? 1 Achieving Universal Access. 2 Expanding our membership and provision of services. 3 Improving Communications to our stakeholders. Best advice you’ve ever received? The best mentors don't hand out advice, they ask you questions. Other than that, my Mum always told me that the best things in life are better shared. At the moment you’re listening to… Grimes, Jackie Onassis and A$AP Rocky (yes, all together, in one playlist). Favourite cuisine? Is dessert a cuisine? Secret talent? My baking is probably not secret enough anymore... I have a gift for finding good parking spots and dougie-ing.

Rhys PogOnoski – honorary Treasurer What does your role as Treasurer entail? Along with the regular executive responsibilities, I have additional responsibility regarding the USU's finances. I have to be completely aware of the USU's financial position and assist the rest of the Board to ensure they’re across the relevant aspects of our finances. This involves sitting on the Finance Committee. In the past few years the Treasurer's role has expanded to taking on a strategic perspective. I'd like to see that continue this year and become more concrete. This involves working with the USU's Strategic Plan and developing it, and facilitating Board input into the Strategic Plan. What do you see as the three biggest challenges for the Union in the year to come? 1 Expanding our services to a level where students are deriving value from their SSAF contribution and ensuring their services are tip top. 2 Negotiating a long term funding and building maintenance agreement with the University.

Issue 05 feature

L-R: RHYs, BRIGID, ZAChary & ASTHA

3 Taking advantage of our financial position to create a sustainable future including the capacity to grow.

Best Advice you’ve ever received? Always remember that our USU is bigger and more important than any one student, member or Board Director. At the moment you’re listening to… The Temper Trap – 'Fader'. But, I recently found out that Rick Astley is touring Australia at the end of 2012 and I'm a little bit excited. Naturally, I'm listening to 'Never Going To Give You Up' a lot. Favourite Cuisine? Japanese. Secret Talent? I speak a basic to conversational level of Mandarin.

Zachary Thompson – Honorary Secretary What does your role as Hon Sec entail? My responsibilities span across Clubs & Societies (C&S), USU publications, public

events, the Queer Portfolio and working with the Verge Advisory Committee. I chair the C&S Committee and work with the C&S Staff, Committee Members and C&S Executives to improve the program, ensure decision-making is consistent and that the regulations are fair. With USU publications, including Bull magazine, I collaborate with the editors to ensure content is relevant and entertaining, and sign-off on publications before they go to print. I also oversee the USU’s public events, such as the annual dinner and alumni functions, and I work with the queer community to ensure the Queer Portfolio is fun and inclusive. Each month I present a report at the USU Board meetings, which is available online for you to read and keep track of what I’ve been up to as Hon Sec. What do you see as the three biggest challenges for the Union in the year to come? 1 Improving our commercial services, from reviewing our coffee offering to developing the ultimate student spaces in Holme, Hermann’s and Manning.

2 Collaborating with the University in our efforts to include all students in the Access scheme. 3 Developing ways to improve the USU’s communications with its members in order to ensure our organisation remains relevant and engaging.

What most excites you about your new role? There’s quite a lot to be excited about, but personally, I’m really looking forward to getting stuck into the C&S Program. Best advice you’ve ever received? As much as you can do, so much dare to do. At the moment you’re listening to… 'Stay Young' by INXS. Favourite cuisine? Thai. Secret talent? I'm a white-water kayaker I used to represent Australia in canoe-slalom, but these days I coach the younger athletes and help organise events, like the Youth Olympics coming up in Jan next year.

bull usuonline.com feature

LONDON

SIMONE RICHARDS SPRINTS DOWN THE OLYMPIC TRACK.

ver four billion people watched the opening ceremony of the London 2012 Olympics, with over 80,000 spectators seated daily in the main stadium, a far cry from the 1900 Paris Olympics where there were more athletes than spectators.

The Games of the XXX Summer Olympiad certainly does not appear to be living up to its triple X rating. Anyone attempting to emulate the original athletes of the Ancient Olympics and compete in the nude had better think again. In an Olympic first, it has been announced that fines of up to £20,000 will be imposed for streaking at the London Olympics if nudity is used to advertise or partially advertise a product or brand that is not sponsoring the games. Which presumably means that it’s fine for you to strip off and run across the main stadium – just make sure your “I love Pepsi” tattoo is well and truly covered. Another first for the 2012 London Olympics is the introduction of female boxing, with women being able to compete in flyweight, lightweight and middleweight categories. In an equally progressive move, it is also the first year that every country will allow women to participate, signalled by Saudi Arabia’s decision to send showjumper Dalma Rushdi Malhas – who unfortunately did not end up

qualifying. Baron de Coubertin, the father of the Modern Olympics, would be appalled. In 1896 not a single woman participated in the games as he deemed the inclusion of females to be “impractical, uninteresting, unaesthetic and incorrect.” The Olympics has had its fair share of controversy in the past with regard to the sex identiﬁcation of athletes. In 1966 sex testing of Olympic Athletes was commenced due to suspicions that several female athletes from the Soviet Union were actually men. In the 1976 summer Olympics, Princess Anne became the only female competitor not to have to submit a sex test as it was deemed highly inappropriate (many have since speculated that it was based on the fact that she had been mistaken for one of the horses in the equestrian event). Nothing though can beat “Stella the Fella” (Stella Walsh) from Poland who became the ﬁrst woman to break the 12 second barrier in the 100 metre dash in the 1932 Olympic Gtames. It was not until she died in an accident and an autopsy

was carried out that it was revealed she was in fact male. Since 1996 sex testing of athletes has been discontinued, although the International Olympic Committee reserves the right to assess the sex of individuals if suspicions arise. Recent rule changes now allow transsexual athletes to perform if sex reassignment and hormone therapy has taken place. Regardless of progress in the field of gender equality, males still appear to have the upper hand when it comes to Olympic events. In order for a sport to be considered for inclusion in the Olympics it must be widely practiced by men in at least 75 countries over four continents and by women in 40 countries over 3 continents. As a result club swinging, tug-of-war and the 40m three legged race no longer qualify as events. Despite the abandonment of sex testing at the Olympics, drug testing remains a top priority to game organizers with a $30 million state of the art laboratory set up close to London’s Olympic park stadium to catch

Issue 05 feature

OBSCURE OLYMPIC FACTS "The Olympics has had its fair share of controversy in the past with regard to the sex identiFIcation of athletes. In 1966 sex testing of Olympic Athletes was commenced due to suspicions that several female athletes from the Soviet Union were actually men."

The 2012 Olympic, mascots Madeville and Wenlock, were made from the last drops of steel from the ﬁnal steel support girder on the stadium. At the 1904 Paris Olympic games the winners were awarded paintings instead of Gold medals as the French believed they were more valuable. The London Stadium will have 525 bird boxes and 150 bat boxes to accommodate its displaced inhabitants. Blind Swimmers in the Paralympics are required to wear blackened goggles to ensure that all competitors have zero vision. Gandhi once covered the Olympics as a newspaper reporter at the 1932 Olympics in Los Angeles.

drug cheats. Testing has come a long way since the ﬁrst suspension for drug abuse was enforced in the 1968 Mexico City games when Swedish Pentathlete Hans Gunner Liljenwall was eliminated from the competition – not for imbibing the usual narcotics associated with a trip to Mexico, but rather for having consumed a few pints of beer. Whether he should have been punished or rewarded for this feat is debatable. Not completing a race in the Olympics would appear to be quite a common practice, particularly the marathon, which has ended in many disqualiﬁcations, injuries and even death. A most interesting case was the 1912 marathon in Stockholm, in which one athlete died and another went missing en route. After extensive investigations it eventually emerged some weeks later that Japan's Shyko Kanguri, in a state of pure exhaustion and disorientation had stumbled off course and into a family picnic. Seeing the disorientated man they gave him some raspberry cordial and put him to bed.

When he awoke several hours later he was so humiliated and ashamed he returned quietly by ship to Japan without telling anyone. Not exactly an auspicious end to his Olympic dreams. The marathon remains one of the longest and most gruelling events of this year’s London Olympics. Have you ever wondered why the official distance is so specifically 26 miles 385 yards? For this we can thank the Brits. This tradition began at the 1908 Olympic Games when the finishing line was extended a further 385 yards in order for the royal family to have a better view of the finishing line from their box. This distance was clearly too much for American marathon runner, Fred Lorz, who lost his gold medal in the 1904 Marathon event when it was finally discovered that after suffering stomach cramps during the race he had hitched a lift in a car for most of the distance, hopped out and ran the last four miles to seize victory. While he eventually had the gold medal stripped from him, he managed to overturn the lifetime ban by claiming it was all just a harmless joke.

The 2012 Olympic Games will no doubt have its own stories to tell, yet one thing is certain, as spectators we are witnesses of the unfolding Olympic story – from the lighting of the Olympic flame at Olympia in Greece, where it is still lit using the sun’s rays and a concave mirror, through to the closing ceremony, where the games will be handed over to the new host Rio de Janeiro (a very fitting venue, given that the continents of South America and Africa represent two of the five Olympic rings but have never hosted an Olympic Games). It is a time for great national pride, late nights and hoarse voices. Australia should be proud to know that along with the Swiss and the Brits, we share the honour of being the only countries in the world to attend every one of the Olympics since 1896. Here’s to singing along to many strands of 'Advance Australia Fair'. Go you good thing!

bull usuonline.com feature

When there's A

In the wake of the Diamond Jubilee, John Rowley asks if the Crown Jewels are still forever.

he continued presence of the British monarchy after countless centuries nonplusses many in today’s climate of constant political, technological and social change. So, apart from the obvious and oft-trumpeted sense of continuity and unification it offers the Commonwealth, why and indeed how does the monarchy continue to be such a visible and powerful institution?

Setting aside the political arguments surrounding the modern relevance of the monarchy in Australia, it’s interesting to look at the institution’s efforts to remain so. It appears the royals are attempting to reposition themselves as holders of empathy rather than authority and dwindling support for republican reform in Australia (currently around 35 per cent, according to Roy Morgan Research) suggests this strategy to be a successful one. The monarchy has recently made a string of efforts to associate itself with contemporary pop culture. Folk songstress Ellie Goulding played at the wedding reception of Kate and Prince William, bolstering their street cred in a way Sir Elton John couldn’t have. The Diamond Jubilee concert, featuring the likes of Jessie J, will.i.am and Kylie Minogue snared a captive younger audience and made the pro-monarchy sentiment of the aforementioned performers implicit in their participation. Such events represent a move by the monarchy to continually keep up with changes in cultural sensibility. Lumping the British monarchy in with the Catholic Church as an institution unable to adapt to the 21st century is lazy. When the Pope lets Ed Sheeran sing about drug use and prostitution to 10,000 pilgrims in St. Peter’s Square, let me know. Less directly, the monarchy retains high

visibility in the public eye through texts concerned with the monarchy, its characters and the British class system. Downton Abbey,The Other Boleyn Girl and Wolf Hall are just a few names which deal with such themes. Of course, fascination with fictional kings and queens doesn’t necessarily translate to support of the monarchy, but it does ensure the institution is culturally ever-present. While the monarchy has re-branded itself in order to relate to younger generations, much of its distinctiveness still lies in tradition. In terms of symbolism, there’s little doubt that the monarchy’s continued production of pomp and ceremony is virtually unrivalled. Important royal events like the wedding of Kate and Will, and the Diamond Jubilee are aesthetically unique and draw colossal viewing audiences not only due to their blue-blooded participants, but also their sheer scale. The royal wedding served as a “manifestation of the perfect fairytale that a lot of people want,” says UNSW student Sarah Cummings, and the Diamond Jubilee was a blaze of over-the-top, pleasant absurdity, described as “an array of formal fig, military splendour and dazzling headgear” in the UK’s Telegraph. Such events increase the visibility of the royal family as well as their approval ratings. Roy Morgan research, conducted in the wake of the Diamond Jubilee, shows support for the

Will...

monarchy reached a 25-year high of 58 per cent approval. No doubt such rises are partially down to nostalgia and spectacle. Whether these gains will be long-lasting, given the lack of a similar spectacle on the horizon, is another question entirely. Conservative media often wax lyrical about how the Queen and her matriarchal subjects serve as good role models. This argument is somewhat dubious given that we don’t know the family members all that well and some of what we do know, such as Prince Harry’s dalliance with a certain uniform, is not particularly commendable from a politically correct point of view. However, as regular (and by regular I mean pretty much bi-weekly) articles in the Daily Mail attest to, the Queen and her reputed fashion protégé the Duchess of Cambridge are exemplars of thriftiness. They re-wear and rework outfits they have been seen in many times before with the Queen often resurrecting outfits which are decades old. In this respect alone, Liz is a far better role model than say, Lady Gaga or Victoria Beckham. Not to be outdone, the royal men have been doing their bit too. For the past 55 years, the Duke of Edinburgh’s eponymous leadership program and awards scheme has been a valuable experience for many young people, allowing them to gain crucial life skills. The conservation

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efforts of Prince Charles’ Rainforest Project were also recently recognised when a rare breed of frog, hyloscirtus princecharlesi, was named after him. Despite their obvious privilege, the royals are somewhat constrained in ways you and I are not. Solo duties, often interspersed (in the case of Will and Harry) with military training and operations, usually commence around the same age that an undergraduate student leaves university, with preparation from a young age. Such duties are explained by the monarchy’s official website as constituting “important work in the areas of public and charitable service”. This line of work seemingly continues until death with 91 year-old Prince Philip still fulfilling a reduced quota of commitments – primarily ceremonial engagements and charity commitments – following a series of recent health scares. With the probable exception of Madonna, I can’t imagine anyone wanting to spend their twilight years on what has been described as a never-ending campaign trail, attempting to retain the approval of long-time supporters and win new fans. A considerable segment of the 2,000 official engagements undertaken by the royal family each year are partially concentrated on promoting the monarchy itself. Another significant role is that of patron and benefactor.

The attention and awareness drawn to public causes and charities by the royal family is of inestimable value. The work the royals do isn’t necessarily as hands-on as those volunteers at your local soup kitchen, but it’s admirable all the same. Although it’s become the cliché of choice for every UK correspondent in the Australian media, the youngest generation of royals have breathed new life into the monarchy. Kate Middleton – the first commoner to marry a prince in close proximity to the throne in more than 350 years – has been largely responsible for this revitalisation. Her relationship with William has helped craft an image of the royals as, in the words of journalist Lanai Vasek, “more accepting... of societal norms.” Kate and Will’s cohabitation prior to marriage (a first for senior royals) represented what first year University of Sydney student Holly Parrington sees as the “slightly modern and laid-back approach” taken by the family’s younger members. The couple are evidently popular as a survey conducted by the Guardian and ICM found William to be the British public’s preferred future monarch, receiving 48 per cent of the vote to Charles’ 39 per cent. “Even non-royal Pippa Middleton has helped the rose of the new monarchical guard to bloom by becoming a tabloid fixture associated with scandal, aided by a posterior that has

received almost 250,000 Facebook ‘likes’.” Says Holly Our current monarch is renowned for her distant approach to the media, but her grandchildren and their social circle have taken a rather different approach, regularly appearing in the (gasp!) social and gossip pages of tabloids all over the globe. Photos of Harry stumbling bleary-eyed from a nightclub, or jumping unprovoked and fully clothed into said nightclub’s pool, see the royal family radically normalised and humanised, even though such incidents often provoke disproportionate media scandal. Such unprecedented access to the (not so) private lives of the royals ultimately repositions them as figures of celebrity rather than royalty, and as is the case with all celebrities, it’s possible to extract pleasure from the fodder of gossip and glamour they provide without becoming directly invested in what they’re promoting, namely the institution of monarchism. Whether this repositioning strips the family of respect and makes them, as Holly Parrington describes, “a slightly more ginger and freckly version of the Kardashians,” is a matter of opinion. Although the monarchy’s return to prominence is closely linked to the coming of age of the Queen’s grandchildren, the older members of the family have also taken on

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Such unprecedented access to the (not so) private lives of the royals ultimately repositions them as figures of celebrity rather than royalty, and as is the case with all celebrities, it’s possible to extract pleasure from the fodder of gossip and glamour they provide without becoming directly invested in what they’re promoting, namely the institution of monarchism. renewed public affection in recent years. Prince Charles, for years characterised as the catalyst for the demise of the People’s Princess and the bitter son waiting for his mother to shuffle off this mortal coil, has received something of an image revitalisation, now being seen as a jovial family man. This media transformation emphasised Charles’ close relationship with his sons and played up his tribute to “mummy” at the Diamond Jubilee concert. In addition to this, the heir apparent has also proved that he is in possession of a sense of humour, recently fulfilling a lifelong dream of sorts by reading the weather for the BBC. Joking throughout the broadcast about the disappointingly wet forecast, Charles received press acclaim for the spot, proving that his mother doesn’t always reign on his parade. There’s little doubt that fondness for the monarchy and its members also tends to stem from inherited affections. These personal (often nostalgic) attachments are less explicable than the aforementioned factors, but often more potent, trouncing logic, facts and figures. My strongest memories of my great-grandmother involve her delicately leafing through the glossy pages of Majesty magazine, keen to keep abreast with the goings on of the collective that

remained a constant throughout her life. Her elation upon receiving recognition from the Queen of her century of life and community contribution sealed my personal appreciation for the institution, even if I know that common logic suggests my views are misguided. It would seem that the new monarchy takes itself less seriously than its earlier incarnations, and seems prepared – even eager – to move with cultural changes. As much as many of us would enjoy seeing Charles helplessly bailing hay in some far-flung corner of his huge land holdings in Britain’s south-east as a private citizen, it’s possible to gain equal pleasure from the culture that is produced in its image and drawn upon to ensure the continued relevance of the British monarchy, as well as the family itself.

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INTERVIEW

Buried in Verona.

Xiaoran Shi breaks it down with Brett Anderson, frontman of Buried in Verona.

What’s the story behind the band name? In the beginning, we were going to go with some random words just put together, but after a while I think we wanted more of a story. One of the members of the band at the time was really into Romeo and Juliet, so he decided to put the words “buried” and “Verona” together because Romeo and Juliet lived in Verona and they died there. It seemed pretty perfect. How did the six of you meet and decide to start a band? I had just left a band at the time and after about a week, I wanted to get back into a band because I missed it. I knew a couple of guys from school, so that’s how we got most of our band together aside from our lead guitarist and drummer. We actually had to advertise for a drummer because no one we knew could do what we wanted to do. Can you tell us a bit about the huge line-up change that occurred before the release of your third and latest album, Notorious? Basically, our lead guitarist’s life goal changed. He was in a really good job and the band was in this stage of like, we either take the band full-time and tour and put in everything we’ve got, or we go our separate ways and focus on career and family and stuff, which is more what he wanted.

But it’s cool, we still talk. Also, as a band, we were pretty much ready to move on from the metalcore sound, but the members who left weren’t ready to do that. Like Kat [former guitarist], we got rid of him because the stuff he was writing, we weren’t really into anymore. So, for the new sound, it was good to have a change-up and all be on the same page. The band as friends has never been happier and the band as musicians has never been better. In moving away from metalcore, how would you describe the band’s new sound? That’s a good question. Um, I guess it’s a mix between every single kind of music every person in the band likes.You can probably hear a lot of styles on the new album; there’s a lot of variety throughout. We want to move towards connecting with people emotionally and through the stories in our songs, not just by showing off and being like “look, I can play this riff”. Whose tattooed chest is that on the cover of Notorious? It’s one of our friends, Scott. We knew he had amazing tattoos, so when it came down to choosing a cover for the album, there was no other option.

You guys have been on the road for months now. What have been the highlights and lowlights of touring so far? It’s amazing to get to go around Australia and see 400, 500, even 600 people turn up to a show and enjoy it as much we do. We’ve been having problems with people just climbing up on stage and grabbing the mic and stuff because we tend to play smaller venues with not that much security. Like, in Queensland, we had almost 100 people on stage with us, grabbing at the mic and I kept getting pushed into the drum kit. I’m going to contradict myself here, but as much as that stuff is a bit full-on, it’s still amazing to see people enjoying your music wherever you go. You guys have released three albums, toured the world and have more than 50,000 ‘likes’ on Facebook. When do you think you’ll stop and think, “yep, we’ve made it”? If we tour the world, play at the major European and American festivals, and in our individual shows play to 2000-3000 people, then I’ll be satisfied. Until then, I won’t be satisfied. Well, I don’t know, you can only do this stuff for so long. We’ve been going for four years in this band, but we’ve all been in other bands before this. It’s not the easiest job.You don’t get to see any of your friends or family, and you rarely have any money. There’s kind of no grey area in this business: you’re either massive and making a fucking fortune, or you’re us and you’re struggling basically. We know we’re not Parkway [Drive] or anything, but when we’re in between tours, not earning money from gigs, it’s really hard. I’d like to be able to make enough money touring so it’s not so hard when we’re not playing shows. I mean, what better testament to music is there than being able to live off it? What are your thoughts on the current hardcore scene in Sydney? I think it is growing a fair bit, but I still don’t think people are willing to let go of bands if that makes sense. In Australia, it feels like unless you’re doing a certain style of music your whole career…as soon as you want to move out of that style, people want to attack you for leaving them behind or trying too hard. They always want to go for the ‘battler’. Australians are all about the ‘battler’. Even look at like, Australian Idol. There could be a pretty girl who’s a great singer, but if there’s a country bloke, you know people are going to go for the ‘battler’ instead. Who are your heroes of hardcore? I’d have to say the two bands that changed me personally and made me want to get into this stuff were Slipknot and Korn. They changed the whole scene, they created their own genre. Their minds let them go outside the box and they made something that was truly new and different. Even bands now like Bring Me The Horizon are doing that; they have their own sound. I’ve got heaps of respect for bands like that.

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Short Stories

rom dumb blondes and emotional ethnics to fabulous homosexuals and trashy bogans, society has a tag for every group that exists, and chances are you belong to at least one of them.

AVANI DIAS googled Martin Henderson. But stereotypes aren’t always just good or bad; they can be useful as well. They’re a way in which we process information, or as Pamela Rutledge at the Media Psychology Research Centre says, “[they are] a way to take something that’s not familiar, and put it in your brain next to something that makes sense.” When it comes to the fight that many minorities participate in every day, it becomes a task of breaking down the negative stereotypes that permeate. No doubt you have heard what feminists of various stripes have to say, and you probably have at least some understanding of the battles that immigrant groups frequently find themselves fighting. Chances are however, that you are unaware of the issues facing a particular group of individuals that we tend to overlook, often literally. We begin our tale with a guy named Midge. He lived in Florida and visited a particular bar nearly every night. The part owner of Midge’s local was one Michael Harris, an entrepreneur looking to expand his business and attract more people to his hitherto mediocre bar. Harris decided that he needed a gimmick and luckily for him, barfly Midge was a little person – that is, he was shorter than 147cm tall. The bar claimed they had their very own house dwarf and they were going to run weekly ‘dwarf tossing’ nights. Midge would put on a harness and a helmet and, for a charge, lucky punters would get the opportunity to grab him and see how far they could toss him. Midge was a former circus performer so he knew how to tumble and all – he made some money and got to drink for free, while Harris watched the cash roll in. To cut a long story short, Midge was an

alcoholic, hit his head at a tossing night and internally bled to death. For obvious reasons, dwarf tossing is looked down upon in Australia as being both dangerous and abhorrently politically incorrect, but it is not actually banned anywhere by law. Bars such as Scary Canary in Darling Harbour have been known to substitute actual tossing for other events like “Midget KY Jelly Wrestling,” where two dwarfs wrestle in a pool of lube, live in the bar and on camera so everyone can join the fun by live-streaming the entire farce online. It would be tempting to sit on my high horse as an individual of average height and pretend to empathise with those who participate in these events, but, like most minority groups in the world, the short statured community is divided as to whether acts like this are capitalising on difference, or merely prolonging and encouraging exploitation. In one camp lies the orthodox opinion that tossing and wrestling are dehumanising and demeaning for all involved. Midge’s death was the main catalyst for criminalisation of the practice in Florida in 1989, where dwarf tossing was more popular than anywhere else in the world. Prior to this, the Association of the Little People of America and its international branches had lobbied strongly for it to be banned, not only because of the risk, but also because it encourages objectivism of short statured people and reduces them to the equivalent of a “shot put or javelin thrown in a track and field event.” On the other side of the debate, a threefoot radio host known by his fans as ‘Dave the Dwarf’ has filed a federal lawsuit seeking to

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overturn Florida’s ban on tossing in 2001. Why is he opposed to the law? He argues that the law inhibits his freedom to choose what he can and can’t do with his short stature. “Just because I’m three foot tall, don’t treat me like I have the brain of a three year old and tell me that it’s dumb to let someone throw me against a wall,” he said in an interview a few months ago. Dave’s argument is simple: he can’t reach a McDonalds grill, he can’t clean a normal toilet and he can’t work in construction; he can, however, allow people to pick him up and throw him around in return for massive piles of cash. In the same way that a really tall guy may find it easier to put a ball through a basketball hoop, Dave argues that dwarfs should be free to capitalise on their size. The media landscape for short statured people

“Just because I’m three foot tall, don’t treat me like I have the brain of a three year old and tell me that it’s dumb to let someone throw me against a wall.”

has changed significantly even over the last a point. He puts it perfectly when he says, in typical American fashion, “I’m not really two years. HBO’s adaptation of George RR fighting for [dwarf] tossing. I’m fighting for the Martin’s Game of Thrones has generated new freedom to choose what the fuck I want to do interest around dwarfism, with Peter Dinklage’s without the government trying to tell me!” Even character Tyrion (a dwarf) being more or less so, activities like dwarf tossing reinforce the idea the only character in the entire series capable of both intelligence and compassion simultaneously, that dwarfs are sub-human, able and willing to be manhandled by total strangers, which poses and being adored for it. Warwick Davis’ Ricky serious risks to short stature people everywhere. Gervais-produced comedy series Life’s Too Short There are far too many stories already involving has also drawn attention to the challenges faced little people – on the street, in shopping centres by short stature actors and other professionals. and even at high schools – where some idiot Between them, they have managed to put names decides to pick them up and throw them, to a few faces which were previously unknown. and they end up being seriously injured. Dinklage in particular has used his influence Dinklage was the only dwarf in his family to try and shed light on some of the shit that but was fortunate enough to grow up in an little people have to deal with. When accepting environment where he could be confident in the Golden Globe for his portrayal of Tyrion, he added (at the end of a fairly standard acceptance who he was. For years, while living the classic New York actor struggle in a dingy apartment speech), “I wanted to mention a gentleman with no heater, Dinklage made a point of I’ve been thinking about in England. His name turning down work where employers needed is Martin Henderson. Google him.” Hours leprechauns or oompa loompas, preferring to later, Henderson was trending worldwide stick to the path of personal and artistic integrity. on Twitter (#googlemartinhenderson). The With a lot of work and a little serendipity, he four-foot-two actor who plays a goblin in two has managed to succeed. He is the exception, of the Harry Potter films, had been picked up however, rather than the rule, as Davis’ Life’s Too and tossed while smoking a cigarette outside a Short depicts at great length. pub in Somerset, England, in the lead-up to the Finding a dignified income gets a whole awards ceremony. The actor’s mishap was said lot harder, of course, when regular-sized actors to be inspired by an incident involving English start taking the few positions that little people rugby captain Mike Tindall, who allegedly partook in a dwarf tossing night at a pub in New may have previously been considered for. With its $170-million budget, SnowWhite and the Zealand during the Rugby World Cup last year. Huntsman has recently caused controversy after Henderson is now in a wheelchair with leg and casting a pool of average-height actors to star back injuries and may never be able to as the previously eponymous dwarfs, shrinking work again. them through SFX in postproduction. Similar ‘Dave the Dwarf’ does, of course, have

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practices took place for shorter characters in The Lord of the Rings, and its long-expected prequel, The Hobbit, the first instalment of which is due to be released later this year. Verne Troyer, the 81cm actor best known for his role as Mini-Me in the Austin Powers films, certainly isn’t happy about these developments. Like Dinklage, he has (for the most part) made a conscious effort to stay away from the tokenistic roles a man of his size would often be compelled to take. He takes umbrage with the idea that the dwarfs in this remake of Snow White are supposed to be ‘interesting’, “the remnants of a once-proud race reduced to the status of woodland thieves,” something which, apparently, short stature actors can’t handle. The Little People of America are on Troyer’s side – but again, most dwarfs would rather earn their opportunities than be given them based on their size. It’s obvious that capitalising on an image is inevitable in show business, where specific roles are patently targeted at particular people, whether because they are a certain height or because they are a specific gender or race. Outside of that context, however, the line becomes a little blurrier. While most little people around the world work in regular, non-entertainment industry jobs like medicine, education and business, often it is agencies like Melbourne’s dwarfmyparty.com (which enables customers to engage costumed dwarfs for themed parties) that provide little people with an

income they would otherwise struggle to find. Through services like dwarfmyparty, you can hire a ‘real-life leprechaun’ on St. Patrick’s Day, shock the kids with an elf at Christmas, or even give your weird Uncle Jeff his very own Mini-Me at his fiftieth birthday party. While it’s certainly not tossing, it’s not all that empowering either. Or is it? There are some serious parallels to be drawn behind this kind of service and, say, hiring a stripper for a buck’s night, or even waiters of a certain gender or race for a themed party. The question there, as here, is this: where is the line between exploiting vulnerability and capitalising from those differences? The problem is not so much that debate exists, but rather that the members of minority groups tend not to agree on what they believe is the right thing to do, while people outside those minorities expect an answer nonetheless. There are debates of universalism versus multiculturalism within ethnic groups, between radical and liberal perspectives among feminists, and between freedom of choice and broader social concerns amongst little people, each as unlikely to be resolved as the next. As with most things, the “don’t be a dickhead” principle is probably the best guide here. If you do happen to come across a little person, and statistically you are likely to come into contact with roughly three in your lifetime, don’t dress them up as a leprechaun and ask them to dance. Don’t pick them up and see

how far you can toss them, unless he or she asks you to, and even then, understand that what you’re doing might be contributing to something much larger than you think. Definitely don’t call them a midget. If these thoughts even start processing then, hopefully, that’s a sign we’re moving forward as a society. Googling Martin Henderson is just the first step.

There are over 200 different forms of skeletal dysplasia making up ‘dwarfism’, most of which are genetic in origin. The most common of these is achondroplasia, which prevents bones from growing to their full length. The preferred term in Australia is ‘short stature’. In the United States and in New Zealand ‘little people’ is favoured, while ‘restricted growth’ is the correct term in the United Kingdom. ‘Dwarf’ is not ideal, while ‘midget’ is generally considered totally unacceptable. In the plural, ‘dwarfs’ is preferred to ‘dwarves’ unless referring to the fictional race. Approximately one in 20,000 births is affected by a restricted growth condition, of which 60 per cent occur in average height families.

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Secret Sydney U Mariana Podestá-Diverio sleuths through sydney’s arts scene to be bring you latest happenings.

nderneath Sydney’s chic, sun-drenched exterior operates a shadowy underbelly. In dim-lit pubs and dubious backstreet warehouses a cult of poets, artists and performers hold esoteric gatherings in devotion to expression and the imagination. These creative gatherings often take the form of poetry slams, eclectic jam sessions or guerrilla poster runs leaving a wheat-paste trail along Inner West train tracks.

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tap) as well as an artist doing charcoal real-life drawings on butcher’s paper perched atop a wall, are the icing on the cake of this eccentric venue. Run entirely by volunteers, the Rattler is one of those increasingly rare venues that legitimately have the interests of performance and the community at heart, as well as a rebellious history. Opening its doors in 2009, the theatre was named after the noisy and bulky Red Rattler trains. The name is also a reference to the fact that the theatre was opened in an attempt to shake things up in terms of accessible art spaces in Sydney. Additionally, ‘red’ evokes the political significance of the colour as a marker of radical, left-winged politics. What more can you ask for, comrades?

nterestingly, most of these events occur in familiar venues but their deliberate lack of publicity makes them almost undetectable to the naked eye. One almost needs to be a sort of arts detective to find these precious specks of gold dust. I first discovered this underground universe when I started participating in spoken word poetry earlier this year. Almost immediately I found myself caught in an intricate web of peculiar events, performance art networks and not-so-legal warehouses parties. Having tasted the addictive nectar that is alternative culture, I needed more. So like an opiate-hungry Sherlock, I took to the streets armed with push notifications and subscriptions to all remotely relevant mailing lists. Here’s what I stumbled upon.

SIDE-STREET GEMS

Glebe’s oldest pub, Friend in Hand, has been dear to artistically inclined Inner-Westies since its establishment. Although the ground floor makes you feel like you’re inside Wes Anderson’s brain, the upstairs space has a welcoming vibe and well-priced drinks. Plus, if your tireless sleuthing leaves you feeling masochistic, they have Foster’s on tap (and Fat Yak too, for the occasional disillusioned hipster). Every first Tuesday of the month, spoken word poets of varied ages share the stage for allocated five-minute time slots. As the poets recite their crafted verses, the small audience listen intently, clinging to every word. The performers battle about everything from their love of chicken to the melancholy of lost love. Met with a burst of applause, a clear crowd favourite is the performance of a univocal poem, written entirely with ‘a’ as the sole vowel. As you investigate a handful of gin-and-tonic-sipping, op-shop-clad artists and spectators creating an ether of word art, you may wonder: how is it that we can get by without stumbling across more of these openmic nights, or offbeat arts events in general? Sure, if you’re ‘in the loop’ and have friends who are, your arts diary fills itself up, often leading

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to clashes and double-bookings. But what of the larger audience? Should this dissident scene stay insular to deter the less-hip or lessinformed from polluting it with their heathenish mainstreamery? Should this culture act as a kind of self-sufficient scene that, like music genres, celebrates itself? Most of us know much more about the venues themselves than the diverse mix of events that bring them to life. Clicking into the alternative arts frequency at the wrong time could leave you missing your only chance to see a once-in-a-lifetime performance.

PAINT THE SCENE RED: SHAKING THINGS UP IN MARRICKVILLE

Events at Marrickville’s Red Rattler tend to pop up quite regularly on your Facebook newsfeed and you’ve probably encountered them on gig posters wheat-pasted on Newtown’s backstreets. The theatre has an undeniable presence in the collective consciousness of the Inner West political and artistic scene while retaining a kooky unconventional charm. Almost everybody in the arts circle knows about the Red Rattler but it appears that only a fraction of frequenters are real Rattler punters. This is because most Rattler events receive very little publicity. On these nights, unpredictable performers take the stage for small audiences often consisting of less than sixty people. One such event was held for International Woman’s Day in March this year. It combined the very two things that secure the Rattler’s niche on the Inner West arts radar – feminism and indie performance. This autumnal night, aptly named ‘In Her Nature to Decide’, saw fusions of music and poetry with conversational storytelling. Poets and cabaret artists built verbal bridges of complex imagery and emotion, tracing a path from their creative guts to a highly receptive audience. The theatre’s unfortunate positioning directly below the flight path isn’t enough to break the intimate atmosphere that permeates lesser known performances. The affectionately named ‘Rat’s Piss’ (a homebrew occasionally on

The Rattler’s rustic charm undeniably stands in stark contrast to increasingly commercialised venues such as Carriageworks in Eveleigh, which hosts events that seem to be on a steady ascent in price and profile since the space first started to appear on arts radars following its aperture in 2007. Tickets for major Carriageworks events can deliver a blow to the wallet of any art-addict but it also hides treasures not widely known, such as Eveleigh Markets. Opening in 2009, the market has over 75 different stalls that boast a selection of fresh produce almost unmatched by other inner-city farmers’ markets. On any Saturday from 8am to 1pm, you can stock up on your Sonoma sourdough and organic cherries for the week. If non-consumable crafts sound equally appealing, you should look no further than the Eveleigh Artisan’s Market which pops up the first Sunday of every month from 10am to 3pm and offers a high calibre of jewellery, ceramics, furniture and homewares, sold directly to the public by their designers. The imaginative offerings of the Artisan’s Market give even Newtown’s most zany boutiques a run for their money.

A REDFERN STAKEOUT

A non-profit creative arts organisation aptly named ‘107 Projects’ is situated at 107 Redfern St, Redfern and features a large performance space as well as artists’ studios and workshops. As I entered, I noted the line of empty milk bottles that had been strung around the perimeter of the performance area, which featured kitschy lawntype furniture and haphazardly cut pieces of linoleum denoting a sort of stage.

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A young jazz band comprised of burgundy and chino-clad sock-rejecters was perched in the corner, serenading the small crowd’s pre-performance buzz with mellow tunes. A wander past the main space leads you to a concealed section: the artistic workspaces. I ran into a woman wearing a green jumpsuit and large orange goggle-type glasses who offered to give me, along with another two curious souls, a short tour of the back. “This space used to house a community program for people with disabilities, which means the whole thing is really accessible,” she tells us. The workspaces offered a treasure trove of bits, bobs and discarded paraphernalia of almost any kind you can imagine. A huge arc resembling a white, curved croquembouche marked the entry to one of the studio spaces. Painted masks, pieces of mannequins and sewing machines laced shelves along the walls and covered countless desks in the enormous room. A woman who had been sewing colourful pieces of fabric together to make a costume looked up from her work and greeted us with a dreamy smile, before returning to her craft. The 107 Projects’ website states: “The studios are best suited to creatives who don’t need to use heavy machinery, band saws and jack hammers, as it’s all open plan at the moment.” This was evident by the minimalist DIY setup.

LAST TAKE

We’re surrounded by a network of unusual arts spaces and events; they are simultaneously everywhere, but nowhere to be found unless you go actively looking for them.

Operating on a different frequency to mainstream culture and life, they occupy the same physical space but on a different wavelength. Like any mystery, the fun of discovering hidden spaces lies in their elusive nature. So the next time you see an A-Frame, a quirky leaflet or a Facebook event in a friend’s feed that looks out of the ordinary, follow that lead. Investigate in a new tab. Stalk that friend.You won’t regret it.

Clicking into the alternative arts frequency at the wrong time could leave you missing your only chance to see a oncein-a-lifetime performance.

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CAMPUS CHATTER

I’m not a stalker, but... Hey Ryan, … Yes? What is it? Gurl To the slammin’ hottie with the blonde hair and glasses who chalked for Hannah, I'd love to get my hans on you. After we’ve washed the chalk off, obviously. Johnny-on Fresh-pow

Hey gurl, Hey gurl. Ryan Gosling

To me, No, you're probably not going to study from the start of this semester either. Future me To whom it may concern, Relax, don't do it. Frankie

HEY YOU!

Someone you want to woo and/or passivelyaggressively complain about? Send us your stalker messages: usubullmag@ gmail.com

To the invigilators in my exam, You said to finish my last word. I don't care if it's just a series of continuous, incomprehensible symbols, it's MY last word and I will put my pen down when it is good and finished. Invigilante

To the stunning, fast-paced redhead with the leather backpack, I've loved you since you first cut a pathway through the slow walkers from Redfern station. Forever in your jet stream, Strider To the guy in my stats class with the goatee and the horrendous t-shirt collection, You look like a sex offender. Seriously. Concerned To the girl at the engineering café who won’t shut up about her ‘boyfriend’, Firstly, nobody cares. Secondly, he’s probably made up. Thirdly, if he’s not, he sounds stupid. Fourthly, your hair is silly. Skim soy boooommm

vox pops

question IF YOU COULD TAKE SOMETHING FROM A VIDEO GAME AND PUT IT ON CAMPUS AT SYDNEY UNIVERSITY, WHAT WOULD IT BE?

Achal Gupta

Georgia Bennett

Joe Callingham

“Definitely a few 3-on-3 street football cages from FIFA Street.”

“I’d make a bobsled track from the top floor of Manning all the way down to Redfern station like Rainbow Road in Mario Kart.”

“I’d probably put a few of the wandering giants from Skyrim around the place to keep things interesting.”

Laws V

Government Hons

Science Hons

Issue 05 campus chatter

Please, have a cow Got beef with something? Spill your guts in 400 words or less to usubullmag@ gmail.com

Alex Ferendino and her household appliances are no longer friends. Generally, I don’t get annoyed that easily, but there are some things that can really get me going. Technology is one of them. At the risk of sounding like a generation traitor, I have serious reservations about technology. Technology is a dick. Take my toaster, for instance, which howls at me every time the toast pops with this ear-piercing beep, like a bus reversing over my head. Don’t tell me when my toast is done. I know when my toast is done, champ. I set the timer. I heard it pop. I don’t place a slice of bread in the toaster and then completely forget about it. I’m not a moron. At least the toaster knows to stop there. It doesn’t keep going

and going with fits of silliness like some other appliances I could mention… That’s right, I’m looking at you, microwave, you arsehole. I’ve learned over time to accept the fact that my microwave will beep once the timer is up. It’s a defining feature of the microwave as we know it. But the whole, continuing to beep and whine at me when I don’t collect in what my microwave considers a timely fashion is just intolerable. Always with the beeping, over and over and over…Dude. Chill. I will collect my meal when I’m good and ready, you pathetic wannabe oven. We’ll talk when you learn to heat my food all the way through. Don’t get me started on this newfangled freezer alarm business, either. The once docile king of whitegoods now screams whenever I leave it open for more than three seconds. Did it ever

FOR

JESSICA SIMONS fell in love with the people in the front row If you have an issue with Aussie hip-hop then you’re seriously out of touch with the majority of Australia’s music listening population. Look around, dude. Local hip-hop acts are selling out shows in cities and country towns all over the country. Kids line up just for a glimpse of these local artists and the push for more Australian hip-hop on line-ups at marquee summer festivals is growing every year. It’s reached critical mass, and to be honest I’m pretty thrilled to see Australians singing Australian stories with Australian accents for a change. There’s a generation of artists who have completely changed what ‘Australian music’ means and I’m sick of people trying to trash it. The local scene is also a really tight community with a lot of love and encouragement floating around. There are crews who had to fight hard to get out of the backyard and into stadiums. Families of rappers, DJs, and producers who cherished the art form before it was cool and who have managed to build something really unique and special. Quips about bogans, barbecues and lyrical bullshit only serve to reveal you haven’t actually bothered to listen. But that’s OK – tell it to your radio. The one that’s playing that music that everyone else likes.

occur to you, o mighty one, that I might still be deciding what I want from your shelves? You know, those shelves that are so badly designed that I’ve been forced to pack them like a stock-cupboard in a nuclear winter? Obnoxious technologies are everywhere. Sensor doors that don’t open when I’m clearly standing right in front of them, because they’ve decided that I’m either not tall enough, heavy enough, or important enough to let inside. Self-service checkouts that reprimand me every time an item of unidentified weight is placed in the packaging area. Computers that tsk-tsk me when I accidentally type my password incorrectly – “Sigh. Have you checked if caps-lock is on? Check if caps-lock is on, and try again, idiot.” I’m over it. Technology needs a reality check.

AGAINST locking horns Disputed: Aussie Hip-Hop

NATASHA TOWNSHEND won’t hang around with boys like you I don't care if it's un-Australian to say this. It has to be said: Australian hip-hop is shit. Okay, hiphop is diverse and yes, there are good and bad parts of it, but Aussie hip-hop sits so squarely among the BAD that it’s practically beyond salvation. It’s a bogan insult to the genre’s forefathers (you know, the ones who had actual problems to deal with growing up) and, to be honest, it’s a little embarrassing to think that it could become the sound of Australian music worldwide. Our musos can do better (so much better), but since ripping on a burgeoning local genre threatens to attract the ‘unpatriotic’ label, ‘skiphop’ has benefited from support that is more obligatory than genuine. Now we’re stuck with it, in a big way. The Aussie hip-hop voice – you know, the voice, the one every Australian rapper uses, the semi-shouty I-could-sing-but-thisis-easier voice – saturates Australian radio, talking some jive about how hard your life was growing up in Adelaide. Adelaide. Seriously. It really burns my mojo hearing this played to the exclusion of Australian artists who aren’t white middleclass dudes with ProDJ 5 and poor spelling. Call me a purist, but Shit Syndicate can bite me. I'm sticking with Dre.

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Fri Jan 20 10:10

OVERSEAS INVASION

When children’s shows become naughty

Wednesday January 4, 2012

There’s action aplenty as the five-day game takes its lead from Twenty20, writes Malcolm Knox.

Jessica Wright ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ●

THE Prime Minister has dismissed a call by the Labor elder Bob Hawke to slash the power of unions within the ALP. Julia Gillard defended the factional and union influences that were responsible for the destruction of Kevin Rudd’s leadership in 2010. Mr Hawke, a former prime minister and boss of the ACTU, said in an interview with the Fairfax publication The Australian Financial Review that while his ‘‘first love’’ was the trade union movement, its influence over the Labor Party had grown to ‘‘suffocating’’ proportions.

‘Our great trade union movement is important to Australian society and to representing the needs of working people.’ Julia Gillard But yesterday Ms Gillard said the unions were the champions of ‘‘working Australians’’. ‘‘I believe our great trade union movement is important to Australian society and to representing the needs of working people,’’ she said. ‘‘It was the trade union movement, shoulder to shoulder with the Labor Party, that fought back and got rid of Work Choices.’’ Responding to Mr Hawke’s advice to the ALP to recognise the perceived negative association with the unions, Ms Gillard said the matter had been adequately addressed at the party’s national conference last month. She tried to soften the public rebuke to Mr Hawke, once the nation’s most popular leader, saying he was an important part of the ALP’s history. ‘‘Bob Hawke is of course a living legend,’’ she said. ‘‘Bob is right to say that the Labor Party needs to keep modernising.’’ His criticism of undue union influence within the ALP mirrored the view of another former prime minister, Kevin Rudd, who savaged the power of the unions

and factions in a speech to the national conference. Mr Rudd said the party had failed to take any significant steps to rein in the power of factions and union bosses. ‘‘While some claim we have moved forward on party reform, the truth is we have barely moved at all,’’ Mr Rudd said. ‘‘The stark alternative remains: either more power to the factional powerbrokers or more power to the 35,000 members of the Australian Labor Party.’’ An internal review by the former premiers Steve Bracks and Bob Carr and Senator John Faulkner recommended a guaranteed say for unions and Labor supporters in party preselections and aired dire warnings that the party faced a membership crisis. Senator Faulkner has repeatedly warned that the ALP risks a wipeout of its membership – as ‘‘a small party getting smaller, [and] an old party getting older’’. Ms Gillard welcomed the review but resisted the suggestion that the unions be given a say in policy and parliamentary decisions. ‘‘As Labor leader I will insist on the right to freely choose the executive of the federal parliamentary Labor Party,’’ she said at the time of the review’s release. ‘‘I have chosen my team of ministers and parliamentary secretaries and I will continue to do so.’’ Mr Hawke also addressed the leadership question that continues to dog Ms Gillard, saying he believed she was the best person for the job. ‘‘I don’t think they should change leaders,’’ he said. ‘‘There has been a lot of criticism of Julia, but you have got to give her credit for a lot of achievements and tenacity. ‘‘She has shown a lot of courage and determination, particularly on the carbon tax and the mining tax. When those things are bedded down they may even become positives.’’ Ms Gillard has refused to address questions about the leadership this year, telling reporters on New Year’s Day to ‘‘check the transcripts’’ of last year for her answer. It is more than 20 years since Mr Hawke was prime minister of Australia but the ‘‘Silver Bodgie’’ has enjoyed a resurgence in the media, most recently in a renewed spat with the former prime minister Paul Keating. The pair showed the passing of time had done nothing to ease the rancour in their relationship with Mr Keating this week blaming Mr Hawke for the wage explosions of the 1970s. Mr Keating said that Mr Hawke, as the ACTU national secretary, had ‘‘nearly destroyed the economy twice’’. The spat coincides with the release by the National Archives of the 1982 and 1983 cabinet documents.

WEEKEND SPORT

2012 FACES TO WATCH SPECTRUM

WEEKEND

First published 1831 No. 54,366 $1.50 (inc GST)

Gillard Wickets tumble as Test cricket hits fast-forward button rebukes Hawke on unions

LITTLE MASTER’S MISERY

GOOD WEEKEND

NEWS, PAGE 7

summer

F Foreign-made car ttops sales NEWS, PAGE 3

WHY THIS MAN SPENT $17,000 ON A NEW NOSE

2011 a year in weather

FIRST PUBLISHED 1831 NO. 54,375 $2.50 (inc GST)

January 14-15, 2012

MEET THE $10b HEIRESS

Killer given passport, licence and freedom

PAUL McGEOUGH

BOMB BLAST THAT ROCKED THE WORLD NEWS REVIEW

NEWS, PAGE 6

Year of job pain to hit banks, shops

ANNE SUMMERS

SILENCE LIKE A CANCER GROWS NEWS REVIEW

Who’s for a dip? But there is a dark side

AS IF obligated to compete with the Saffron Howden evening’s entertainment, 22 Test crickand Alicia Wood eters of Australia and India romped TRENT JENNINGS packed his through three bright and breezy sespassport, driver’s licence and, sions. The batsmen clubbed the ball to unsupervised, took off in a all corners when they weren’t losing stolen car from a prison psychitheir wickets. The bowlers served up atric hospital. bouncers, wides, late outswingers and As authorities scrambled yesunplayable in-duckers, with the occaterday to shift the blame for the sional nagging length ball for variety. bungle that allowed the killer to Fieldsmen fell asleep if the ball hadn’t walk free on Friday and outsmart come to them in an over. police hours later, the nationWhat is this new thing, and how can Tertiary advisory days: your five-page guide toforstarting university STARTS PAGE 12 Gareth Hutchens ced to cut staff numbers for the wide hunt him continued. it be stretched to five days? Perhaps next few years to protect profit Jennings, 26, stabbed a man to each team needs three innings in a AUSTRALIA is on the cusp of a margins. The high levels of conwhite collar recession with insumption and lending they endeath eight years ago during a Test. Perhaps there is no problem. Test siders warning that thousands of joyed in recent years will not ANZ jobs to go this year casual sexual encounter. matches have a natural duration of 31⁄2 jobs are at risk in the finance seccontinue. He was granted day leave days, and we should celebrate the tor, after it emerged yesterday At the start of 2007 Australia’s that ANZ planned to cut 700 jobs. banks, excluding ANZ Asia, emrights from Morisset Hospital, plebeian uprising of the bowler. But the Herald has established ployed 155,000. Four years later near Newcastle, only a month While M.S. Dhoni and R. Ashwin the job cuts will total as many as that figure had grown to 178,000 DY YNASTY THE TENDULKAR DYNASTY Australian jobs cut by ANZ FESTIVAL OF THE 1000 by the end of this year, people, an increase of 23,000. before he absconded from cuswere together, putting on 54COUCH in 81 balls in past two years which will be more than the In ANZ alone, the number of tody and allegedly arranged over for India’s seventh wicket, an anxious bank shed at the height of the employees in the group’s global global financial crisis. operations increased by 12,000 the internet to meet a man, 50, at Australian voice in the Churchill Stand They come a day after the Roysince September 2008, from his home in Sydney’s Zetland. muttered, ‘‘They’re digging in now – al Bank of Scotland announced 36,900 to 48,900. Local jobs lost in Bank of plans to close its investment But ANZ’s Australian division Last Thurswe need a wicket, Hilfy!’’ The world of the box-set addict SPORTSDAY Scotland closure banking business, leading to the has shed more than 2100 jobs in Monday January 2, 2012 First published 1831 No. 54,364 $1.50 day, Jennings, loss of more than 200 jobs in the past two years – from 19,922 Australia. you count all those jobs since to 17,768 – as it sends more jobs pictured, tied Resurgent Punter INSIDE Economists have warned Aus- October, along with what will be to offshore. the man up is vulnerable to a recession announced in the next week . . . holds key to series The job losses could exacerbate Bowser bluestraliayear with his conwith a wholesale fund- we will lose more staff than we conditions in Australia – already NSW drivers could facethis more If the opening day was all petrol price rises whening the squeeze in Europe raising did as a result of the GFC.’’ vulnerable to recession. The chief sent then stole government bans regular costs for banks such as ANZ. The national secretary of the economist at JP Morgan, Stephen Sun, sand and fun ... Tabitha Palmer, 6, centre, plays with Liv Knight, 7, and Harry Hamilford, 5, at North Bondi. The girls are in the under-7 nippers. Photo: Dallas Kilponen unleaded fuel, pushingdebt up about Sachin Tendulkar, the demand for ethanol-blended and some of his Experts have warned thous- Finance Services Union, Leon Walters, said: Australia has not premium unleaded, the industry central character leading through an Education Departentry to existing pools, which is a Carter, criticised the bank for undergone adjustments observed Economic conditions are preventing children ‘‘We have kids who are doing has warned. From July,ands petrol of jobs will be lost from the belongings, instations will no longer be allowed industry this year as banks shedding jobs when it had elsewhere ... it remains vulnerment, two-week intensive probarrier to some socio-economic nipper training, who are resinto today is Ricky Ponting. to sell regular unleaded in a bid cluding his learning to swim, writes Nick Ralston. to promote renewablescramble biofuels. to adjust to an era of gram in schools for students in groups, and the increasing cost record profitability. ‘‘Yet again cuing kids their age on days able to shocks. Summer – Page 26 low credit growth and higher the first time anything gets years two to six. of bus transport. when the surf is a bit tricky,’’ said Economists also say we might black Mercedes four-wheelfunding costs. The program – the most ‘‘The Department of Educatough in finance the only trick in expect a further shake-out in the the nipper manager at North drive, police say. Weather, or not carnage.’’ The solution to the This comes on top of cuts of their locker is to put jobs on the retail industry, which employs LIFESAVERS have a simple affordable in the state – is offered tion tries to minimise the cost Bondi Surf Life Saving, The most miserable summer in jobs between March 2009 problem is not as simple. Water 2150 to 100,000 students but is not but there are some limitations line,’’ he said. Jim Walker. 1.2 million people, following the explanation for the spate of near That night he returned to hosBowler Ben Hilfenhaus did his bit, Sydney in 50 years. The coldest drownings and a record number safety groups are concerned that compulsory. and on that. It’s just a sign of our eco‘‘It continues to be a highly jobs losses last year. North Bondi has 1400 children autumn nationally in more than last September in ANZ’s pital after curfew, having conand concerns about a partnership 50 years. Record flooding in pool closures and entry costs are Australian division. ‘‘We have profitable organisation that is The peak industry body AUST- nomic times at the moment. doing nipper training, up from The Grattan Institute’s Saul of rescues in recent weeks. Victoria. A Christmas Day in Melbourne with hailstones the a policy of shedding jobs Anna Patty ‘‘There was pretty poor weathdenying young children the run SWIM said in recent years issues People are being pinched a bit.’’ making multibillion-dollar pro- Eslake said: ‘‘I wouldn’t be at all 850 a few years ago. tacted staff to tell them his train lasting more than an hour were size of eggs. Massive floods and chance to learn to swim. through attrition since October fits. They have an obligation to surprised if 2012 was a year in er leading into Christmas and I of cost had made some parents On the plus side, Surf Life SavA Bondi resident, Julia Palmer, ROADallayed. RULES Mexican waves couldn’t even cyclone Yasi in was running late. Queensland. TRAFFIC across the city would Pedestrians in the city While an estimated 1.2 millast year,’’ an executive said. reluctant to send their children ing is enjoying a boom in the keep everybody employed.’’ was raised in England and which some of the almost- think that everyone was frothing be slowed to 40km/h as part of centre: 600,000 What’s it all lion children have private les‘‘Temps have not been rehired for lessons. Satisfied with this explananumber of young people becom- wanted her daughter, Tabitha, to The Financial Services Minis- inevitable consequences for em- at the bit to get out to the beach,’’ a full circuit as a wicket fell first. mean? City of Sydney plans. Vehiclesmake in city centre: Terry Lee-Williams, a trans85,000 sons, experts conservatively preonce their contract has expired. ter, Bill Shorten, said: ‘‘We ployment in retailing of the said Dean Storey, the lifesaving The chief executive, Gordon ing involved in the volunteer res- gain a better understanding than port strategy manager at the City International safety speed: tion, hospital staff allowed him When security guards seized beach dict that each year at least 50,000 Mallett, said: ‘‘If there is no local Secondments have been stop- haven’t been briefed specifically deterioration in retail trading manager of Surf Life Saving NSW. cue organisation. she had of safety at the beach. of Sydney, told the NSW Parlia30km/h ment’s joint standing committee City of Sydney safetythey weren’t booed, because out unsupervised at 2pm the balls, ‘‘Then the sun came out. At children nationwide graduate ped. We have outsourced two on any decisions of the ANZ in conditions over the next couple pool, despite any efforts the This year it has 30,000 nippers ‘‘We offered for her to do it and on road safety that the council speed: 40km/h would like a “blanket” 40km/h the same time we had the big from high school without being whole floors of operations staff term of jobs.We regard any job of years came to a head.’’ Department of Education may on its books and the number has she loves it. She’s much more next day, the eighth anniversary something had happened on the field speed limit across the city ANZ staff wait for axe to fall — swell . . . and it all came together able to swim 50 metres. from a [Melbourne] office to losses as unfortunate.’’ make, it starts to get more diffibeen rising annually for the past confident now in the surf than Road toll falls in “predominantly residential through the reduction of speed of the night he stabbed Giuseppe international best the crowd’s attention. Bill distract areas”. He said 20 per cent of the limits, as isto The 2011 road toll was the second [in the Philippines]. If Weekend Business to create a couple of weeks of In NSW classes are offered Manila cult. Then you’ve got the cost of four years. Experts say banks will be forshe was,’’ Ms Palmer said. existing city speed zones were practice. On any given working lowest since 1944, according to day, there are 600,000 pedestri40km/h. provisional figures from the NSW Vitale, 32, in the neck after bindLawry surely couldn’t cry ‘‘It’s all hap‘‘Once we do the CBD, that ans in the city centre and 85,000 Centre for Road Safety. Last would take it up to about 35 per vehicles. The slower the vehicle, year, 376 people were killed on ing him at the hands and feet in a of severe trauma tofor fear of understatement. cent and we would progressively the less riskpening!’’ NSW roads, down from 405 the like to roll that through. I say the pedestrian.’’ previous year. The toll has park at Narwee. When Dhoni won the toss, the A spokeswoman for Roads and progressively because it is a cost dropped from 524 over the past issue,’’ Mr Lee-Williams told the Maritime Services said it had 10 years. SYDNEY CITY shower or two 19°-23° “received a crowd copy of the concept committee late last year. Jennings did not return on Fricheered – they were going to see LIVERPOOL shower or two 17°-24° The costs include hundreds of proposal for a speed zone reducCity of Sydney on thousands of dollars in studies tion from the day evening and, four hours Sachin Tendulkar. Of course, they nevPENRITH shower or two 18°-24° ‘‘and hoops we must jump Christmas Eve and is reviewing it First TuesdayDylan Welch country on and off since Octo- as Qorvis’s chief speechwriter, Last year, during the Arab At the time, Qorvis was the through for the RMS [Roads and early this year”. News Review WOLLONGONG showers clearing 18°-21° later, he was pulled over er Labor considered themeritorious Indian top three The former premier Exceptionally Mitt Romney and Ron Paul Maritime Services]’’. services ... Mr Howard at home in Wollstonecraft yesterday. ‘‘It’s a compliment to Australia,’’ he said of his award. Photo:by Quentin Jones ber. A contract published by the helped draft Commodore BainiSUVA, FIJI Spring, Mr Pietras was Qorvis’s beneficiary of a six-month conappeared to be running neck and The NSW Labor MP Walt Kristina Keneally and the City of GOSFORD few showers 17°-23° Fiji’s future of US Justice Department under marama’s recent speeches, inmayor, Clover Secord, who is a Staysafe com- Sydney lord as may have rendered exceptionneck in Iowa before tomorrow’s spokesman when its role in de- tract with the Saudis worth almost Kellyday, Burke and they were right, police in the stolen car south ofally might bat all NEWCASTLE few showers 20°-23° mittee member, said he dis- Moore, agreed to a plan to slow first vote on the candidates meritorious services in Our uncertainty THE the Foreign Agents Registration cluding his New Year’s Day adfending Middle East regimes was $US15 million to help improve its IN GOOD COMPANYCoffs Harbour. His licence and the city centreit to did agreed with the council plan to traffic within NOT since Sir Robert Menzies Crown Services or towards the vying for the Republican Party’s Fijian regime of Voreqe though look, for a moment after CANBERRA shower or two 12°-24° introduce the 40km/h speed 40km/h by early 2011 in a has the monarchy bestowed presidential nomination, with advancement of the Arts, Learn‘‘Frank’’ Bainimarama has reAct reveals that in October the dress announcing the lifting of the subject of debate. reputation after the terrorist zone across the city, saying it memorandum of understanding such approbation on an Austraing, Literature, and Science or Rick Santorum mounting a late ARMIDALE showers, storms 12°-22° vehicle registration were chectea,13, as they might be back in cruited one of Washington’s most Fijian Attorney-General, Aiyaz emergency regulations. ‘‘Our clients are facing some attacks of September 11, 2001. dated September 2010, though when lian politician. would further congest traffic. such other exceptional service as charge. Contenders have been DUBBO shower or two 15°-31° ‘‘Recently at a Staysafe parlia- Mr Secord worked as chief-ofWe are fit to recognise’’. blitzing shopping malls, public John Howard’s decade-long notorious lobbyist firms – that Sayed-Khaiyum, signed a deed Several countries with an inMr Pietras, an executive vice- challenges now,’’ Mr Pietras told Last year an Egyptian steel ked, he was issued with some their second innings. Keneally. mentary hearing, the staff from staff for Ms for Although writers and artists meetings and local media. prime ministership and his dogCOFFS HARBOUR storms 19°-26° has been raided by the FBI and with Qorvis worth $US40,000 a terest in Fiji expressed a belief to president of Qorvis’s geopolitical The New York Times. ‘‘But our tycoon with ties to the Mubarak A spokesman for the NSW ged adherence to a constitutionSydney City Council were advochave traditionally dominated Duncan Gay, al monarchy ating changing the entire city to Roads Minister,Tendulkar politicians appointed earned him fines, and allowed to drive off. tothethefield, did have not make his 100th DETAILS PAGE 19 represents repressive regimes in month for a year. In return, the Herald that, given the timing, solutions section, is at least the long-term goals to bridge the dif- regime retained Qorvis to manage 40 kilometres,’’ he said. ‘‘While I said the minister had not yet admission to an exclusive club order have included Sir the Middle East and Africa – to understand they have safety seen the City of Sydney proposal. with a capped membership of Winston Churchill, Clement Qorvis has agreed to provide Qorvis might have played a role second Qorvis employee to travel ferences between our clients and his public relations during a trial Last night, police across Ausinternational century. Two constants of Mr Lee-Williams told the Stay- just 24 after Buckingham Palace concerns, I fear that it could slow Attlee and Baroness Thatcher. ISSN 0312-6315 help manage its reputation and ‘‘public relations services relatFrank Bainimarama ... advice. in Commodore Bainimarama’s to Fiji, after Tina Jeon, an Olymthe United States haven’t regarding claims of widespread safe committee in late Novem- announced yesterday he had city traffic to a snail’s pace. Mr Howard becomes the ninth On merit ... clockwise, were searching for the forhis hitcareer that hea member scores ‘‘This would make journeys ber that someone by a car at –been Australian appointed, following appointed of the runs in from toptralia left: lobby foreign journalists. ing to business and investment decision to lift the emergency pic archer and Qorvis spinner. changed. We stand by them.’’ corruption. He was eventually across Sydney even longer in 40km/h was far less likely to die Order of Merit. in the footsteps of the philosophBaroness Thatcher, And diplomatic sources be- lations, only to enshrine them in to the government of Fiji’’. regulations. In early November Ms Jeon In 2004 when Qorvis was sentenced to 10 years in jail. duration and slower, especially than if they Sydney were hit at 60km/h. er Samuel Alexander, the intelMenzies’ Knight of the Prince Charles, merSir Sydney waiter, who in 2005 and Only that his teammates let him Tom ‘‘Internationally it is 30km/h, Order of the Thistle, to which the at night.’’ lectual Gilbert Murray, scientists Stoppard, David lieve the firm, Qorvis Commu- a permanent law. But it appears to the Herald, A diplomatic source also ex- posted on Twitter a photo of her- raided by the FBI as part of an The company has also repreit has taken–about Sir Frank Macfarlane Burnet, A spokeswoman for the City of but becausedown Liberal Party founder was inves- in his disHockneywas and Sir found not guilty of Mr collided, resulting nications, may be behind the The company is represented which spent the week in Suva pressed concern that the kind of self and Commodore Baini- investigation into whether an sented the man widely known as Sydney said it was the responsi- 12 years to get the RTA down to ted in 1963, carries more kudos. Howard Florey and Robert David Attenborough. bility of NSW Roads and Mari- 40km/h, we did not want to push McCredie May, former chief ‘‘I’m very honoured,’’ Mr decision by Commodore Baini- in Suva by a fresh-faced former being lobbied by Mr Pietras, that role played by such lobbyists in marama aboard a boat in Fiji advertising campaign it helped ‘‘Africa’s worst dictator’’, Equatmissal for He came tohisthe crease at Vitale’s murder because a court Classic stoush time Services to approve any the envelope justice of Australia Sir Owen Dixto 30km/h,’’ he 41. Howard told the Herald from changes to the speed limit. said. ‘‘Traffic also flows better in home in Wollstonecraft. ‘‘It’s a The Governor-General, Quen- Edward VII in 1902, carries no on, artist Sir Sidney Nolan and who was also appointed to the Chloe Hosking won a thrilling marama to lift the widely con- business journalist, Seth Thom- his ambit is far greater than spin. the Middle East and Africa was with the caption: ‘‘No better run broke federal law by not dis- orial Guinea’s Teodoro Obiang 9 770312 631063 2-30 when not one ballandhad been hit concluded he extremely was a drug“The RMS is responsible for crowded areas title but in is considered an soprano Dame Joan Sutherland. at a slower speed compliment to Australia a order yesterday, will join tin Bryce, said she warmly confirst race of the Bay Classic and public emergency regu- as Pietras, who has been in the It is likely Mr Pietras, described being imported to the Pacific. place to write a press release’’. closing Saudi funding. Nguema Mbasogo. signposting and speed limits because . . . you do not get com- recognition, among other Mr Howard is expected to gratulated Mr Howard on high mark of honour luminaries including the former promptly called Uniondemned Cycliste throughout NSW,” she said. of the respect theof Queen British prime minister Baroness receiving such a distinguished and a personal gift time. from the receive his Order of Merit – an pression between intersections: things,in Internationale boss Pat McQuaid convincingly front theMargaret wicket. induced psychosis at the “The City of Sydney supports the vehicles are moving easily; has for this country. I’m very eight-pointed cross bearing the award. ‘‘This is a rare and singuQueen. Thatcher, the play‘‘a dick’’ for failing to implement improving road safety and min- they do not have to accelerate, grateful for it.’’ wright Sir Tom Stoppard, the lar honour for his service to AusAccording to the Royal Family’s imperial crown to be worn a minimum wage for women. From there itMr Howard, was along a contest of his cover Yesterday thewebsite, Premier, Barry imising the risk of injury and decelerate, accelerate, decelerwith the naturalist Sir David Attentralia,’’ she said. it is to be given ‘‘to such around the neck – at a ceremony Third placed Rochelle Gilmore death in pedestrian areas ate.” borough and Prince Charles. The Order, founded by King British artist David Hockney, persons, subjects of Our Crown, later this year. also called for change. drive versus Australia. The bowlers fed O’Farrell, ordered a report from the shot. He laced drive after drive all relevant departments into the Have you let your home loan go? SYDNEY CITY sunny 18°-26° between point and mid-off, then dragcircumstances surrounding the LIVERPOOL sunny 15°-31° Take control and refinance with a UHomeLoan, and receive PENRITH sunny 16°-33° ged one onto his stumps. Asdrought wickets and thehigher-risk delay in notifyvices for the foreshore clean-up, detainees receiving such as mangrove swamps, the more rain go, has meant getaway Debra Jopson WOLLONGONG sunny 18°-26° an incredibly low variable rate of 6.14%p.a. This great rate more litter washed into water- she said. intensive correction orders, NSW Maritime spokeswoman GOSFORD sunny 15°-28° it was a cheap buy. ing the public. Minimal risk detainees began which have replaced periodic said. ways, he said. THE amount of litter and waste includes a Lifetime Loyalty Discount of 0.20%p.a. and is NEWCASTLE sunny 18°-26° Most of the man-made refuse working with government water- detention. Sydney Harbour garbage collectThe agency expects to restart CANBERRA partly cloudy 15°-35° cleaners 17 years ago and consists ofhave food and drink The assistance was the program using volunteers ors pick up each year has plumavailable on all new applications. In general the bowlers didn’t topack- ways‘‘I share some ofdetainees’ the concerns ARMIDALE mostly sunny 10°-27° meted to the lowest level in more Dirty business aging dropped on streets and the program has contributed hailed as a success in previous provided by a non-government DUBBO sunny 17°-35° swept into the harbour through between 12 and 28 per cent of years, as NSW Maritime crews organisation in the first quarter than a decade after NSW Mari... litter lines strike any bargains.the Hilfenhaus lackworked of toinformation COFFS HARBOUR partly cloudy 16°-26° the volume of the waste collected stormwaterredisdrains, a NSW Mari- about remove boating haz- of next year, another spokestime suspended a long-running foreshore UHomeLoan DETAILS PAGE 18 every year up to 2008-09, official ards and rubbish from Sydney man said. time spokeswoman said. clean-up program that used at Iron Cove. covered his fast bouncer or his escape,’’ figures show. his release Mr McLean said volunteers While the fall was partly about Harbour and the navigable prisoners on periodic detention. Photo: Jon Reid to remove However, the program was waters of the Parramatta and were difficult to attract. He caused by Maritime’s environThe environmental services % suspended when the Depart- Lane Cove rivers over a com- warned that the loss of extra mental service losing its flagship he programslike like thisa notchild continue who team, which clears debris ran- before, NSW Maritime’s latest p.a. Ashwin. Then, rememsaid. in some form. It would certainly vessel for more than six months ment of Corrective Services bined foreshore length of 270 assistance with garbage collecging from plastic drink bottles to annual report reveals. Only available at tion coincides with the NSW as a replacement was built, it began to phase week out its periodic be very Christmas detrimental. We have present fallen trees from more than 5000 ‘‘One canbers draw the conclusion last year’s was This thekilometres. NSW chief psyFour minimal risk detainees government setting a target in its hectares of waterways, collected that there would be more litter in millions of people living in that also followed a decision in detention program last October, Variable and comparison rate December 2010 to stop using according to NSW Maritime. worked three times a week with new state plan of achieving the just 2284 cubic metres of waste the harbour,’’ said Peter McLean, catchment.’’ even than indicated this year’s, Hilfyprovided usedby the chiatrist, John will review The Herald understands that Allan, Research it was detainees government staff to clear debris lowest litter count per capita in last financial year, almost 500 the NSW chief executivebetter of Keep 9 770312 631018 cubic metres less than the year Australia Beautiful. ‘‘I hate to see likely that since the end of the Department of Corrective Ser- staff were unwilling to work with in areas inaccessible to boats, Australia by 2016. How good is James Pattinson? ... Australia’s hottest new quickie celebrates the wicket of Virender Sehwag. Photo: Steve Christo Continued Page 2 Jennings’ case and patient leave Rates current as at 13 January 2012. The comparison rate is based on a secured loan of $150,000 over the term of 25 years. WARNING: This comparison rate is true only for the examples given and may not include all fees and charges. Different terms, fees or other loan amounts might result in a different comparison rate. UBank is a division of National Australia Bank Limited ABN 12 004 044 937 AFSL and Australian Credit Licence 230686. procedures at Morisset Hospital. You should consider the terms and conditions for UHomeLoan, available from ubank.com.au, before making any decisions regarding this product. Fees and charges and lending criteria apply. UBA526/smhfp1_G3982327AB The local health district 1HERSA1 A001 Continued Page 2

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Call to cut city speed limits to 40km/h

Howard honoured, for Queen and country

News — Page 3

STATE POLITICS

Paul Sheehan, Opinion — Page 11

News — Page 5

Come in spinner: Fiji pays Washington lobbyists for image makeover ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ●

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Harbour rubbish pile on the rise after prison drain gangs get the brush-off ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ●

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to an Optus SIM for MORE. Economic woes hit US defence ambitions Daniel Flitton ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ●

AUSTRALIA is about to confront the biting reality of US military decline as its cash-strapped ally moves to abandon the longstanding doctrine of being ready to fight two wars simultaneously on opposite sides of the globe. The New York Times reported yesterday on cuts expected to be announced this week by the Defence Secretary, Leon Panetta, to slash hundreds of billions of dollars in defence spending across ground forces, navy, air force and the nuclear arsenal. Coming after earlier reduc-

tions, the US’s formal strategy to fight two large adversaries at once – as it did during World War II against Nazi Germany in Europe and Japan in the Pacific – will also be surrendered. For 60 years the Defence chiefs in Canberra have had the luxury to assume Washington will be free to come to Australia’s aid, no matter what the US entanglements outside the region. But those days are gone as a teetering economy forces deep cuts to the US defence budget – at the same time as many are concerned about China’s growing military ambitions.

Buzzcut Pentagon prepares to slash spending. World – Page 8

The troubled F-35 Joint Strike Fighter, of which Labor has committed to buy between 14 and 100, is also reported to be targeted. Despite the cuts, the US would remain the pre-eminent military power with the ability to fight and win one major conflict and ‘‘spoil’’ a second adversary’s ambitions in another part of the world. But The New York Times

reported that the cuts inevitably posed questions such as whether a reduced aircraft carrier fleet could counter an increasingly bold China or whether a smaller army could fight a long ground war in Asia. Australia has already made plain its hope to see a greater US engagement in the ‘‘Asian century’’ as the Obama administration withdraws from Iraq and Afghanistan. The agreement to train up to 2500 US Marines near Darwin, announced during Barack Obama’s visit to Australia in November, was widely interpreted as

insurance against China’s rise. The US has also made clear a desire to shift the focus to Asia and Mr Obama used his speech to federal Parliament to pledge the US was ‘‘here to stay’’. The shift from fighting two simultaneous wars against major forces recognises the significant changes to warfare during recent decades, with insurgent conflicts the norm and the growing use of drones and other high technology. The Defence Minister, Stephen Smith, and the Minister for Foreign Affairs, Kevin Rudd, would not comment on the change.

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“The thrill of being a chosen one, surely better than your peers, marked out as special by the pickiest of employees, lasts for a while – until it becomes clear to many that in seeking the corporate stamp of approval they have been saddled with careers they never wanted.”

PLEASE SIR. CAN ERIN STEWART HAVE A JOB?

Issue 05 Feature

n April of 2011, I was finishing up my undergraduate degree and I didn’t really know what I wanted to do. But if I wanted to be considered for a February 2012 graduate program, I’d have to feign passion in some industry. I thought the security and paycheck associated with working at a big firm would be desirable. I sent applications off to the public service, to management consulting firms, to banks. I had no desire to work at any of these places, but I wanted to keep my options open.

I didn’t get any offers. I did, however, get very far through the application process at one firm. I filled out an online application, got through the phone interview, then an interview with a manager. After this, I was invited to a two-day event in Melbourne involving a mix of polite chatter and group work. I was unenthusiastic and didn’t know very much about profit forecasting - the group project of the day. I still got to the last round. The last round was described to me as just being a formality, a tick off. A chance to imagine yourself in the role and turn the questions onto the employer. It sounded nice. The entire interview process is about the company trying to ascertain if you’re a good fit for them. Finally, I got to probe whether they would be a good fit for me. It’s telling that this is where my experience ended. The feedback? “It just seems like you aren’t interested in it.”

Hire Me, Maybe For the uninitiated, many large firms have graduate programs on offer. There might be a general program in which new recruits rotate through different sub-sections of a firm, or they might choose to directly recruit in a certain area. Graduate programs offer additional training and networking opportunities compared to a regular job. They are also competitive to get into and relatively well-paid. University of Sydney Careers Centre Manager, Nitsa Athanassopoulos, advises against my approach. Instead, someone in my position should have opted to see a Careers Counsellor

“to get an understanding of what they want and use that to decide if you actually want to do that job.” In a way, she says, the process is one of matchmaking – the interest needs to come from both sides. There is an arduous trek that young recruitwannabes must go on in order to get into a graduate program. There may be several rounds of different types of interviews, as well as testing. It’s more than just the typical submit-a-CVand-answer-the-manager’s-questions-in-thestoreroom affair. No, impressing a big company could require a sustained effort over a couple of months. Whirlpool is an online forum which offers a repository of opinions on the topic of graduate recruitment. There is big discussion over whether the process is too onerous, with some Whirlpool contributors reporting up to seven rounds of interviewing. 'Dorre' argues that the process is too demanding, particularly given that “they can really tell whether you're suited within about 1-5 minutes of the interview.” Meanwhile, 'Dr Collosus' sees the logic behind the multistep process. “In many cases there is really not a lot of difference between grads, and the role they are going for is not rocket science. They all have the same degree and knowledge, similar marks…so you need some way to differentiate them. Sometimes it probably does come down to something shallow,” 'Dr Collosus' says. Some companies ambush applicants with up to six interviews, each scheduled one straight after the other, with different members of the firm. The questions range from intense to

bizarre – what candidates thought of the day’s headlines, who inspires the candidate, what their favourite uni subject is and why M&Ms are coloured. There are also behavioural interviews, where candidates are asked to talk about experiences that happened to them, usually within the last 12 months, and go into quite a lot of detail about it. One behavioural interview question may take 15 minutes or more to answer. Whirlpool provides more gems on the topic of interview techniques. 'Pingtimeout' emphasises their importance, noting that “at the end of the day, organisations are not willing to take risks on graduates who have not proven they can deliver the goods in a work place environment.” 'april.que' helpfully remarks that “I know plenty of people who have faked their work experience and managed to land 80K+ jobs.” Beyond fraud, some users question the value of this process. 'ryan3' writes, “I think the whole behavioural interviewing technique is fairly unoriginal and boring. Past behaviour probably is a good indicator of future behaviour, but is asking behavioural questions a good indicator of past behaviour?” Psychometric testing has also been introduced in order to test candidates’ intelligence, interests, values, and personality traits. Tests can be conducted online or in testing centres. The tests are meant to provide an objective account of a candidate’s profile, though candidates can purchase coaching services to maximise their scores. Nitsa says, “you’d be mad to rely on it totally.”

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This ‘scientific approach’ to interviewing is never perfect, but as Nitsa points out, it is incredibly thorough and there are many checks by various staff members in different rounds to ensure that the company only sends out offers to people they really want to work there. Yet, these strategies also take the emphasis off the mutual goal of trying to find a good fit for both applicant and firm, to a candidate trying their best to make themselves appealing to the firm. Strictly speaking, the process is probably longer and more complicated than what is necessary, but the benefits are two-fold: firstly, works to put the power in the hands of potential employees; secondly, it gauges how much candidates are willing to dedicate themselves to the job. In reality though, you’d do better to take a step back and really ask yourself what it is you’re looking for. 'Identifyme', who chose to quit his graduate job, writes, “I think it’s more important to be happy and your self-worth [is] more important at the end of the day, you just need to have an open mind in how to end up where you want to be.” 'Ciscoguy1919' adds, “I quit my grad role job within two months. Some grad roles are rubbish…I went and got a real job and doing much, much better than my old grad colleagues. Actually make more than double in terms of monetary reimbursement than they currently are.” Looking through company websites and corporate brochures, it is easy to think that they are all pretty much the same. The firms are all ‘unique’ and ‘dynamic’, the work is always ‘stimulating’ and they are all looking for ‘the best

Stock trader in Wall Street Before controversy hit his personal life, Charlie Sheen played a young man looking to make money for the sake of having lots of money. To get a job like this you’ll need top marks, loose ethics, and a network of people to give you insider trading tips.

and brightest’.Yet, each firm is different with different priorities. Nitsa uses the example of different accounting firms. The work expected would be fairly consistent through the firms, particularly for entry-level, generalist recruits. But that doesn’t mean the firms are homogenous. The differences might be difficult to put your finger on – some places are high-stress environments, while others are more relaxed. Some places may make mentoring the cornerstone of their environment; others take the “hands off” approach. It’s important that the candidate is attuned to the company culture during the interview process rather than concentrating all their energy on trying to impress the employer.

The ‘Cultural Misfit’ Lisa Pryor, author of The Pinstriped Prison, warns candidates of the dangers of getting ‘sucked in’ to corporate careers which simply aren’t for them. Lisa writes, “the thrill of being a chosen one, surely better than your peers, marked out as special by the pickiest of employees, lasts for a while – until it becomes clear to many that in seeking the corporate stamp of approval they have been saddled with careers they never wanted.” It can be difficult to leave a graduate position – sometimes firms pay graduates relocation stipends or cover other costs which they have to pay back if they leave early. Some firms also pay a ‘finishing bonus’ of several thousand dollars after a grad has been there for the duration of the program.

Nonetheless, graduates sometimes go into programs and decide they don’t like it before the official training winds up. George (not his real name) quit a graduate job at a consulting firm six months after starting. “I first realised I didn’t like it there after about a month or two, but I wanted to stick it out.” He gave himself a deadline. The problem was that while recruiters emphasised the interesting work the firm does and its high profile clients, George saw none of that and did a lot of ‘menial’ work. He also hated the long hours and the expectation that he would go out and party afterwards. He says, “it was really exhausting…some people get really into it and love the firm and feel lucky that they’re there. That wasn’t my attitude.” George took six months off and is now halfway through his honours year. He says, “I think I should have asked more questions before going into it, and looked at different options.” Nitsa agrees with this advice. “Go to Careers Fairs, come and talk to employers…brochures won’t give you the full view,” she says. Nitsa’s advice? “You need to find the right place for you – where you can thrive and do really well.” For all the cachet and achievement of a graduate job offer, the actual role and organisational culture is paramount. The alternative is putting yourself through the gruelling process of job hunting only to find yourself trapped, unhappy and not fulfilling your true potential.

Food blogger and chef in Julie and Julia

Assistant to a magazine editor in The Devil Wears Prada

Photographer/badass vigilante in Spiderman

With the heady Masterchef craze inundating our collective conscience, Julie and Julia demonstrates the clear career trajectory for budding chefs. Step one: find a cookbook. Step two: cook everything in it.

Anne Hathaway plays a wannabe writer swept up by the glamour of fashion magazines, forgoing her actual life in pursuit of style. For a role such as this you need to respect people who spend all their time and money on fabrics.

One would ordinarily think that getting bitten by a radioactive spider would dampen a young boy’s career prospects. Not so. While using one’s superpowers for good lends itself to a high sense of job satisfaction, taking pictures of yourself and submitting them for publication renders the job lucrative. However, subjecting yourself to radioactive substances has also been known to lead to death.

GREATEST JOBS IN POP CULTURE AND HOW TO GET THEM

Issue 05 youniversity

"The ‘mature age’ label is sometimes misleading. People as young as 21 years of age who do not typically qualify for admission are in fact classified as ‘mature age’ students, according to the University of Sydney. This deceptive age means you could even be friends with one!"

The Age Old Question Laura Hanlon goes grey sorting out timetable clashes.

ge will never be a barrier to the learning process... or will it? A plea posted at Manning Bar, “To every mature aged student, at every uni, just...stop talking. Sincerely, the rest of the uni population,” suggests a student divide based on the grounds of age. The University of Sydney hosts students of all ages; however, those returning to study or commencing tertiary education at a later stage in life are clearly outnumbered. Several ageist jokes and memes are born from general observations of mature age students – from the regaling of personal stories during lectures to explanations of wheelie bag

practicality. On the serious flip side, mature age students face many challenges in balancing course commitments with the demands of work and family life. For some, trying to fit in with younger students can be uncomfortable and the above stereotypes make integration into the university community much harder. Geoff is undertaking a Bachelor of Arts, with children to look after and bills to pay. “I decided to enjoy my time as much as possible choosing subjects that would reward me now, while also facilitating my change in career. Shared care means every second weekend is devoted to my children, so minimal study is done then. Students thought I was super diligent finishing an essay a week early, but it was because the next weekend was filled with my kids.” The ‘mature age’ label is sometimes misleading. People as young as 21 years of age who do not typically qualify for admission are in fact classified as ‘mature age’ students, according to the University of Sydney. This deceptive age means you could even be friends with one! Natasha is a second time mature age student studying Arts. “While my peers went off to uni after high school, I decided to work for a year and then continue my study,” she says. After sticking it out for nearly two years studying Industrial Design at RMIT, Natasha made the difficult decision to leave and return to Sydney as the course didn’t meet her expectations, “I felt a little bit lost after that experience...demoralised and aimless.” Some years later, Natasha figured it was time to complete her schooling once and for all, muddling back into the education system. Arts at USYD seemed to be the right option to ease back into study, “Perhaps this is what I should have been doing all those years ago... Although I quite possibly would not have gotten out of it then, what I am getting out of it now,” she says. Similar to the rest of the uni population, mature age students embark on study for various reasons, with mixed goals and past experiences. Whether they wish to obtain a qualification, improve skills, further an interest or change career direction, university offers

youniversity

an avenue for personal growth and acts as a pathway towards future employment. In many cases, the formal learning environment provides that second chance for mature age people with curious minds − so when a hand is inconveniently raised during the last moment of class, maybe it’s worth considering a greater tolerance for others’ education and the value learning holds for them. Marina and her Mum, Sheryl, were both studying at the same time. “We’re both quite competitive, or at least I am. Whenever Mum got a really good essay mark it motivated me to do better,” Marina says. Things have changed a lot since Sheryl was at uni, with students from diverse backgrounds managing work, relationships, children and the myriad of potential extra problems mature age and graduate students face, including new technology. Marina explains, “Mum was entirely self-sufficient, but I was occasionally of use, available to explain things like Access. Mum’s a USU Life Member.” Marina is now studying the Juris Doctor after completing the Bachelor of Arts (Advanced) (Honours). She admits that she is “feeling positively ancient as a 22 year old first year law student.” By placing the title ‘mature age’ before ‘student’, the University is possibly exacerbating the very social split it is trying to stamp out. Having a diverse student population is important to feeding the thriving culture we have here on campus, and this includes fostering a learning environment where students of all ages feel comfortable. After all, you are never too old to learn.

roving that you’re never too old to learn, Allan Stewart, 97, graduated from Southern Cross University earlier this years with a Master of Clinical Science. He undertook his first degree in dentistry in 1936.With four degrees, Allan is now the oldest university graduate in the world inspiring us to always pursue our interests regardless of any perceived hurdles, including age. Image courtesy of abc.net.au

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food & BOOZE

Hangover Cures

Emily Claire Swanson Shouldn’t Have Had That Last Tequila Shot.

o it’s happened.You’ve woken up in last night’s clothes, the state of your mouth gives a whole new meaning to the word ‘parched’ and the night’s events closely resemble a Ke$ha song. While your painfully wise friend is telling you that you shouldn’t have drunk in the first place, the damage is done and we’re here with a cure. Much like the many spirits, cocktails and beers you consumed last night, the morning after sees you spoiled for choice. If you have free rein of the kitchen, say hello to hangover cure number one. For those that swear by something greasier than your acne-riddled adolescent self, the classic bacon and egg combination is infallible. Eggs contain cysteine, which helps the liver break down hangover-causing toxins, and when surrounded by a hefty helping of carbs, it’s a tasty no-brainer. If you’re thick-skinned enough to step into the outside world, it’s time for late night drunken feasts to double as the morning’s savior. Take a trip to your local Golden Arches and partake in the age-old tradition of the cheeseburger and large Coke mix. McDonald’s have been known to open their doors to many a drunk and dreary traveller, and really, if introducing 24-hour restaurants doesn’t show their dedication to this, then I don’t know what does. If the ol’ burger and soft drink is too pedestrian, then steer your sorry self in the direction of the closest ethnic eatery to indulge in either a kebab or a burrito. The kebab and the burrito offer just enough grease, just

enough carbs and just enough meaty protein to make you forget that you thought those tequila shots were a good idea. If you’ve attempted to brave the day’s tutes and lectures, Uni Brothers Kebabs in Wentworth have you covered. If a Mexican feast is more your style, Guzman Y Gomez in Newtown are famed for their monster-sized burritos. They also serve a delicious frozen margarita and selection of Mexican beers, but beware: partaking in more alcohol will only act as a Band-Aid to your suffering as it merely dulls the senses and prolongs the healing process. If by chance you can’t even begin to fathom ingesting any of the above, take up residence on the lounge with a collection of mindless sitcoms at your disposal. Since alcohol is a diuretic, the number one cause of a hangover stems from dehydration, so as good as it was to fall into bed in your clothes after stumbling through the door as the sun was coming up; you’re now probably regretting not guzzling that litre of water. Sit back and let operation rehydration begin with a bottle of electrolyte-laden energy drink. Berry Gatorade anyone?

RECIPE Flaming Moe Did you ever happen to see that episode of The Simpsons where Homer concocts his own cocktail known as the “Flaming Homer”? His bartender pal Moe steals it and hits the big time, and thus it’s been remembered as the “Flaming Moe”. After some careful sleuthing, we’ve tracked down a recipe that’s as spot-on as you’re going to get. We’ve even found a substitute if you’re not keen on the mindless consumption of children’s cough syrup!

WHAT YOU NEED • • • • • • • •

1 shot of Brandy ½ shot of Chambord 1 shot Crème de Menthe 1 shot Pineapple Juice 1 shot Berry Sour Monkey 1 shot Blackcurrant Cordial (if you’re feeling saucy, try 1 tbsp children’s cough syrup instead) 1 tsp Black Sambuca Crushed Ice

HOW TO MAKE • • • • •

Add ingredients into a cocktail shaker. Add ice and shake well. Strain into a glass tumbler. Add 1 tsp Black Sambuca and light on fire. Extinguish before serving.

Issue 05 travel

travel country VIETNAM

The Backpacker (Almost) Wears Prada amanda Choularton trades retail store styles for Haute Couture look-alikes.

or most of us, juggling uni fees, rent and a social life doesn’t allow for the luxury of custom made clothing, especially in the shape of your favourite high fashion designs. So when a town can adorn you head-to-toe in bespoke garments, shopping is as good a reason as any to travel. Hoi An, winner of TripAdvisor’s Traveller’s Choice 2012 award, is a quaint riverside town in southern Vietnam which attracts a range of holidaymakers including those looking for a tailor made shopping experience for a fraction of the normal price. Hoi An’s streets form a labyrinth of busy stores waiting to create almost any piece of clothing you desire. Arrive armed with pictures, copies and magazine pages of your favourite fashions and watch as that Prada dress or Miu Miu jacket you’ve always wanted comes to life right in front of your eyes. However, finding the right tailor can be tricky so be very specific in your directions and make sure the fabric you choose falls the way you want it to. If you’re worried about the price, there are places like A Dong Silk Personal Tailoring which offer fixed pricing. Hoi An also boasts amazing silver jewellers who let you pick pieces from designer catalogues and make them specially for you. Places such as Lac Viet offer the Holly Golightly experience of indulging in faux Tiffany jewellery. Unfortunately, you won’t get the little blue box but everyone else will think you did and you won’t have American Express chasing after you for that $340 charm. If faux designer jewellery isn’t your style, Lac Viet also offers beautiful original pieces. Prices for both stay well below

the fifty dollar mark and the enduring and impressive craftsmanship is worth every cent. Once you’re rolling in the threads and the bling, wander off to shoe-makers and look for places like Friendly Shop. Similar to the tailors and jewellers, Hoi An shoemakers can produce shoes to fit your feet and have them ready for pick up the next day. Watch out if you’re keen on stilettos though. Usually the shoes are well balanced and comfortable but this comes at the expense of higher heels. So if you like ‘em sky scraper high, the shoemakers of Hoi An might not be able to get you soaring in height.

"Arrive armed with pictures, copies and magazine pages of your favourite fashions and watch as that Prada dress or Miu Miu jacket you’ve always wanted comes to life right in front of your eyes."

Take A Break If you really can’t shop till you drop, take some time out and enjoy the other activities Hoi An has to offer: Explore Hoi An’s history and visit the Japanese Covered Bridge and the Quan Cong Temple Hoi An Legendary Night is every month on the full moon where the Old Town is transformed into an enchanting land of coloured, silk lanterns, traditional food, street games and song and dance Take advantage of the riverside location with a boat trip down Thu Bon River where you can experience the busy life of the Hoi An locals If you’re feeling energetic, embark on a guided cycling adventure through rural Vietnam and explore the surrounding villages of Hoi An.

Defence Reserves Support can help student Reservists: k

Liaise with their university or college regarding Reserve leave

Learn about their rights and responsibilities

Find out about special consideration concerning attendance & assessments

Student Reservists earn tax-free pay For more information visit defencereservessupport.gov.au or call our help line on 1800 803 485

Issue 05 fashion

lawrence muskitta discovers totes inappropes fashionistas on campus.

Brrr...

he Starks were right. Winter was coming and now it’s well and truly here. With frostbrimmed noses and fingers frozen numb, most of us are piling on as many clothes as possible. But there are a few fashion deviants that buck this trend. Like White Walkers, these unfeeling creatures seem immune to cold and wet alike. They are the epitome of weather inappropriate, wearing hot pants during storms and summer dresses in the face of Arctic winds. They sacrifice comfort for vogue and personal wellbeing for frostbite. Like that friend who eats ice-cream in winter or can crunch icecubes with their front teeth, this breed of fashionista strikes a freezing fear in the hearts of mere morals. Their presence impels in one a fervent desire to wrap them in sheaths of wool or at least shout "put some pants on, you quivering quacks!" We’ve managed to procure some specimens of this peculiar breed. Notice their distinctive bare legs and sordid indifference to the cold. One confused specimen, of the male genus no doubt, was sporting an umbrella paired with shorts and thongs. Another was wearing ugg boots, rolled down “for style.” The last, possibly the Queen of the White Walkers, was wearing short shorts on a day that made North of the Wall seem like a tropical paradise. Study them well; know their marks. One day you may come face-to-face with one, and on that day pray to the Old Gods you have some dragon-fire around.

fashion Harry Pulver

Clare Yu

Nikki Thaiposri

Jumper: Mongolian camel wool Shorts: They’re my roommate’s Thongs: Bought in a market in Brazil Umbrella: Won it at Manning trivia

Coat: Made by my mother Boots: Jumbo Ugg, rolled down for style Dress: From China Glasses: Anna Sui

Shoes: Bought in Perth a couple of years ago. They're so worn out because I wear them nearly every day. Jacket: Random shop on Crown St, a spur of the moment purchase. I buy a lot of my clothes from around there. Shorts: A sale at One Teaspoon, they were half price. I was pretty stoked.

Commerce & Science III

Agriculture Science III

Liberal Arts and Science II

bull usuonline.com sport

sport

Face Value Tom Walker willingly copped a roundhouse kick to the face to enhance his personal brand.

nderson Silva is a Brazilian Mixed Martial Arts (MMA) fighter who also happens to be the scariest motherfucker in the world. His knees burst into faces like the spring off a faulty jack-in-the-box and his fists remap the faces of his opponents like Dora the Explorer on steroids and an ice binge. He can switch between leading with his left and right quicker than blinking and suffers negligible drop-off from it. In his first fight in the Ultimate Fighting Championship (UFC), he connected 100 per cent of his strikes and finished his opponent (who had just come off a five-win streak) in 49 seconds. He is ambidextrously deadly and has not lost a fight since entering the UFC. He's been voted the No. 1 pound-for-

pound fighter in the world by a big bucket of MMA critics, sports writers and ESPN. Unfortunately, none of this translates well into promo posters. Silva has a lovely smile actually, but he's impressive while he's fighting, not while he's standing still and glowering. He doesn't bring in the kind of audience who wants to see a freakshow, or the audience who don't quite know what the UFC’s brand of ‘hugboxing’ actually is. He doesn't have any kind of catchy gimmick like ‘the improbably fat guy’ (Roy "Big Country" Nelson, weighing in at 115kg) or ‘the karate guy who drinks his own wee’ (Lyoto Machida, don’t ask). In motion, Silva can flow like water and sting like a bee with a glock and a migraine, but in his posters he is a slightly lanky guy who simply doesn't look like much of a fighter, a total non-badass. In the current sporting market, Silva’s lack of marketability simply isn’t an option, even with his talent. To try and fix this deficit, someone thought it would be a great idea to compile footage of him kicking stuff while aging (and expanding) action star and martial artist Steven Seagal nods and watches. Explanations of whose fever dream logic this was vary. The move is generally laid at the feet of Silva’s management – Seagal says he received a memo from Silva asking him to train him in “secret techniques” and others say Silva’s camp wrote the letter as a joke that then got way, way out of hand. Seagal claimed credit for one Silva victory, declaring he helped Silva “perfect” the kick that he used to defend his title. He then left the UFC to focus on “other projects.”

This leaves Silva with no ostensible personality or 80s and 90s icon endorsements. He also doesn't speak English. His trainer handles his pre-fight and post-fight interviews, but this arrangement isn’t ideal, especially given Silva is scheduled for a rematch against Chael Sonnen, the most charismatic and fightingest Republican who ever took up gloves and trunks. Sonnen has practically made a career out of badmouthing Silva. Even though he’s scraped through fights against opponents Silva has demolished, he’s talked such a great game that he’s being pitched by many as an equal to the champ. By Vegas odds, Sonnen is almost a 2:1 underdog and though he tested Silva hard in their last fight, beating him in every round until Silva locked in a triangle choke in the final round, he also tested positive for four times the allowed athletic amount of testosterone afterwards. Perhaps Sonnen is the perfect villain to turn Silva into a hero, rather than the quiet, arrogant enigma he is currently presumed to be, and that is certainly what he is presumed to be. But with a right jab that could knock the moons of Jupiter out of orbit, I probably wouldn’t mention that to him. Leave that to Sonnen.

Image courtesy of heavy.com

Issue 05 science & tech

science & tech A Troll in the Basement Stirring the pot is their game; causing mass hysteria is their aim, writes John Rowley.

If you participate in social networking, chances are you’ve fallen for a hoaxed celebrity death, and the online stakeholder you should blame for creating and dispersing such swindles is – you guessed it – the troll. Trolling involves the persistent antagonisation of largely unsuspecting internet users for the sake of one’s own pleasure and ego-building. A typical troll stomping ground is online pop commentary where die-hard fans, or ‘stans’, of Godga (Lady Gaga), Beysus (Beyoncé) and The Holy Spearit (Britney Spears) make ideal targets. Makayla, a self-confessed stan, runs the Britney Spears fan blog 'I Wanna Troll'. With her four-figure follower base, she aims to show her love for Britney with a dash of humour, even if it means participating “in serious stan wars”.

“Trolls are often fans of the very exaggerated identities online fandoms create by subverting them and exposing their fallibility.”

Trolls are often fans of the very subjects they mock, illuminating the exaggerated identities online fandoms create by subverting them and exposing their fallibility. In this way, trolling is about bringing pseudo-mythical people down to a more human level. However, trolls don’t simply restrict themselves to pop culture. Devotees of everything from religious to political movements receive a generous roasting. Many Twitter troll accounts reveal a commitment to getting thousands of followers fired up over serious issues by challenging people’s personal beliefs and attitudes. Take @Jesus_M_Christ, who claims that “most of Noah's sins when he got to heaven involved bestiality”, which is a rather shocking re-evaluation of what remains for many Christians a sacred retelling. Similarly, @Queen_UK represents the British monarch as a gin-oholic who retains a deep hatred for Camilla ParkerBowles, Carole Middleton and Greece – a far cry from the vision of diplomacy, pomp and circumstance celebrated in the Diamond Jubilee. Such is the pervasiveness of trolling that the popular ‘trollface’ has evolved to poke fun at the foibles of everyday life (think Sydney Uni Memes). With a simple copy and paste, a keyboard warrior can move up the internet food chain to the position of King Troll. While the comical deconstruction of powerful individuals and institutions is relatively harmless, there’s a blurry line between trolling and cyberbullying. Makayla

doesn’t like “to get personal,” but she has seen stan and troll wars descend into personal attacks. Dedicated members of trolling collectives have, perhaps unwittingly, caused conflicts spilling over into the real world. For example, self-dubbed '/b/tards' on image sharing site 4Chan have received threats of violence, allegations of trading child pornography and a slew of custodial sentences. Meanwhile, social Q&A platform Formspring applies the anonymity and frankness of trolling on a personal level to create what it calls a “forum for playful, authentic and natural conversations”. Formspring’s crooked reputation stems from the dominance of venomous messages on the website which have reportedly resulted in a number of teen suicides, including that of Jamey Rodemeyer who received anonymous taunts regarding his sexuality and subsequently committed suicide last September. Formspring has taken some initiative in preventing a repeat of such outcomes by warning against the posting of “mean or hurtful” questions and allows users to block anonymous messages. Whether anyone will take heed of these warnings is uncertain. A 2006 study conducted by US organisation Fight Crime estimated that more than 13 million American youths had experienced cyberbullying. With Formspring only launching in 2009 and Twitter achieving mainstream popularity around 2008, the popularity of social networking has since grown exponentially and presumably troll-ish behaviour has too. Alas, trolls come in all forms and potencies, ranging from your “friendly neighbourhood troll” to “hardcore troublemaker”, but if you find yourself under attack, just remember what your mama told you when the mean kids pushed you around - they want you to react. So don't. Or do, but brace yourself for the notifications.

bull usuonline.com ARTS

Kurt Cobain Wasn't the Only One Xiaoran Shi weeps for the burdens of genius.

IAN CURTIS English Musician, Lead Singer of Joy Division (1956–1980)

DAVID FOSTER WALLACE Award-Winning American Author, Professor (1962–2008)

ANNE SEXTON American Poet and children's book authour (1928–1974)

What list of tortured, selfdestructive artists would be complete without him? Pitchfork describes Joy Division as “a conflation of tribal primitivism and sophisticated art-rock”, but the murky nebulae of their soundscapes, including Curtis’ haunting bass-baritone, defies words; it is otherworldly. Wade through the quicksand of Unknown Pleasures until you arrive at Closer where even the driving, upbeat synths cannot mask the mounting hopelessness in his lyrics. He captured the nuances of despair, and somehow made them beautiful. Following the dissolution of his marriage at 23 and a life-long struggle with depression, Curtis watched Stroszek, spun Iggy Pop’s The Idiot, and hanged himself in the kitchen.

You may know him as being responsible for that austere, densely-endnoted doorstop (or extravagant execution of literary force, depending on who you are), titled Infinite Jest. In life, David Foster Wallace was much more: a book critic, essayist, academic, producer of numerous short stories and three novels. A veritable polymath, he covered John McCain’s presidential campaign for Rolling Stone before penning a piece on the ethics of lobster consumption in Gourmet magazine. His earnest, self-aware mode – recognisable in the murmurings of a thousand contemporary authors – is a reflection of his belief that writing is about “what it is to be a fucking human being.” In 2008, he hanged himself after a 20-year battle with depression.

Renowned for her intensely autobiographical work which echoed from the depths of her volatile psyche, Anne Sexton radicalised poetic, feminine and sexual discourse in the 1960s. Hers was a voice of poignancy and potency; one which told intimately of her private nightmares and fantasies in a chaotic and often violent domestic life, as well as her lifelong struggles with mental illness and addiction. Hailed as the first of the “confessional” poets, her style of “hold[ing] back nothing” won her the Pulitzer Prize for Live or Die in 1967. At age 45, she committed suicide by carbon monoxide poisoning.

arts

ALAN TURING English mathematician, logician, cryptanalyst and computer scientist (1912–1954) Admittedly not a man who moved in artistic circles but, in the words of TIME, “everyone who taps at a keyboard...is working on an incarnation of a Turing machine.” Not content with the title of Father of Modern computer science, Turing also had a hand in innovating research in artificial intelligence and devised various techniques for decoding German ciphers during World War II. In 1952, he was charged with gross indecency for engaging in sexual relations with another man and chose to undergo chemical castration rather than imprisonment. Two years later, he committed suicide by supposedly eating an apple poisoned with cyanide. It was another 13 years before homosexuality was decriminalised in the UK.

bull usuonline.com reviews

REVIEWS ALBUM BOYS DON'T CRY RUMER

ALBUM NOT YOUR KIND OF PEOPLE GARBAGE

British songstress Rumer eschews the pitfalls of the notoriously dangerous sophomore album by taking an unusual approach with Boys Don’t Cry: releasing a set of obscure 70s covers. If your parents are looking to relive days gone by, they might be better off with Rod Stewart’s American SongbookVolume 17, unless said parents are true 70s aficionados. Evidently not one for taking a commercially obvious route, Rumer covers a smattering of forgotten album tracks, middling successes and a sole US Top 5 hit – Hall & Oates’ Sara Smile. So, for all intents and purposes, Boys Don’t Cry serves the same purpose as an album of original tracks would - for most listeners, at least. Rumer is in possession of an incredibly smooth voice and seems comfortable in her restraint. She graciously remains true to the melodies of the tracks rather than caterwauling all over them, proving to be a refreshing counterpoint to the barrage of female vocalists who feel they need to constantly put their skills on show. An obvious word to describe the album is ‘pleasant’, but that doesn’t quite cover the simplistic, entrancing beauty of Rumer’s vocals. In fact, I dare say Rod Stewart can wait.

The last time Garbage played in Sydney, Shirley Manson owned the stage and entranced the crowd with her intoxicating drone, backed by exploding guitars and a viscerally riveting percussive energy. Their latest album, NotYour Kind of People, has successfully re-captured this element managing to balance raw energy with the inevitable overproduction that results from having three producers in their ranks. This album brings us back to a pseudo-time in the 90s, a hazy post-grunge stupor of distortion and well-crafted noise. The band’s seven-year hiatus acted as an elixir of sorts to the Garbage sound but they definitely haven’t outdone their previous work. What they have done is distilled the essence of their classic sound while simultaneously blending a new auditory aesthetic of wistful backing track soundscapes that heavily showcase the band’s post-punk influences. In fact, the track 'Sugar' sounds like it’s straight out of a Siouxsie and the Banshees record. Although it won’t be topping bestseller charts anytime soon, NotYour Kind Of People is still worth a listen for those who yearn for a contemporary rendition of a nostalgic musical world that never was.

JOHN ROWLEY

Mariana Podesta-Diverio

*****

FILM PROMETHEUS RIDLEY SCOTT

Ridley Scott’s Prometheus was first touted as the prequel to the Alien franchise although, like with the dismal Robin Hood, Scott decided to rewrite the script soon before production. And quite frankly, it should have stayed with the original concept. Prometheus follows the crew of the spaceship Prometheus as they attempt to uncover the genesis of humanity on a distant planet. But what they find instead could cause humanity’s extinction. The acting in the film was strong, especially Noomi Rapace who played the protagonist Elizabeth Shaw and Michael Fassbender as the (really creepy) android David. However, half the characters should have been cut, as they were badly scripted and pretty redundant. Case in point the resident biologist, who ran away in fright from a dead alien body, and yet, was later cooing at an eel with a face like a vagina (you can guess how that ended). Despite the bizarre scripting, the production value of the film is really high. The visuals are brilliant, and in 3D you can almost reach out and touch all the phallic images. While an interesting concept, and very well made, Prometheus fails to resurrect Scott’s glory days.

Gabriella Edelstein

*****

BOOK I Am A Pole (And So Can You!) STEPHEN COLBERT

A “children's” book about a pole may leave a few scratching their heads but to anyone who has been sucked into the parallel universe created on The Colbert Report, host Stephen Colbert's latest literary offering will make perfect sense. Inspired by a recent interview with the late author Maurice Sendak (Where theWild Things Are), I Am A Pole is a sharp satirical take on children’s literature. The tale is one of self-discovery, centred on an intrepid pole searching for its place in the world and its various attempts at pole related employment – barber, ski, fireman’s and the North Pole. Rated for children 13 years and over, the book isn’t for everyone. Parents may be displeased with the pole’s foray into the world of the professional stripper pole, and those unfamiliar with Colbert’s brand of satire may struggle to find the funny side. Despite the easy read (32 pages) Colbert fans will not be disappointed and those yet to experience Colbert’s work will be left surprisingly pleased at the brilliance of his unique approach to children’s literature. Resonant and clever throughout, the story’s humour is well-complimented and brought to life by Paul Hildebrand’s illustrations.

KATT JOHNS

*****

Issue 05 REVIEWS

BOOK

Fifty Shades of Grey E.L.James

classic countdown

Overrated Rock Songs Neroli Austin sticks it to McCartney

I Want to Break Free – Queen This is what happens when you give song writing credits to everyone in the band. I’m actually all for giving people a go. So the bassist wanted to be heard? Indulge him behind closed doors. I will say this: it does transport you to a different place. That place for me may be a horrific Hawaiian luau where I’ve had one too many pina coladas and I’m on the verge of confessing my true feelings to some Judd Nelson lookalike. But you know, transformative power of music and all.

4 “He suddenly flicks the crop, and it hits me underneath my behind against my sex. The shock runs through me, and it’s the sweetest, strangest, hedonistic feeling. My nipples harden and elongate from the assault, and I moan loudly, pulling on my leather cuffs.” What a crowd pleaser. E. L. James' romantic tour de force has captured the hearts and libidos of women the world over. It came, it saw, it titillated – quite literally in the case of the former.You'd expect nothing less from what is clearly the lit erotica equivalent of crack cocaine.Yes, it's wildly problematic and terribly-written, but damn is it sexy. Starting as Twilight fan-fiction, the plot is as lacklustre and flaccid as its predecessor’s. But for those of you playing at home, it follows young college graduate, Anastasia, and her BDSM relationship with older businessman, Christian Grey. The book has attracted a fair share of vitriol, but if you like adverbs, you're going to love Fifty Shades of Grey. E.L. James can't get enough of those spicy modifiers. One does not simply look into one's lover's eyes, one “stares deeply” or on the odd occasion, “intensely”. One does not merely speak, one says something “phlegmatically.” It should also be noted that in the universe of E. L. James, one does not describe ANYTHING without referencing eyes. References made to eyes in the novel: 106. Number of times Christian Grey's eyes “smoulder”: 9. Number of times eyes “crinkle”: 4. Number of times Anastasia rolls hers eyes in an act of defiance: 94. That's a lot of oddly-specific eye references. The same goes for breath. Number of references to breath in the novel: 101. Number of times breathing is described as “ragged”: 12. Number of times Anastasia is rendered “breathless”: 14. It's almost like E. L. James is writing about people who breathe or something. Weird. Impressively, E. L. James only euphemistically uses “my sex” to describe Anastasia's vagina 14 times. For this, and for just generally being a pretty romping read, it gets a solidly noncommittal recommendation. Just don’t read it out loud in Fisher – the librarians are getting suspicious.

Michelle Garrett

*****

Where the Streets Have No Name – U2 I picked 'Where the Streets Have No Name' when really I could’ve picked any song by U2. They all sound the same, are excessively long, and, if you listen closely, say nothing whatsoever. Fans of U2, apparently not limited to Bono himself, tend to think that these tracks capture the disassociation we all feel from the chaos around us. The only thing I feel disassociated from when I hear a U2 track is my lunch.

Hallelujah – Leonard Cohen (and Jeff Buckley and Rufus Wainwright and every singer/songwriter who has ever picked up a guitar including Bono)

I liked this track when it was about sado-masochism, and had all these weird religious overtones, but it got old. Old like its writer. Contrary to popular opinion, this song was not released in 2009 when it enjoyed an inexplicable come-back on triple j’s Hottest 100 but in 1984. In the words of Cohen himself, “Must we have it at the end of every single drama and every single Idol? Once or twice I've felt maybe I should lend my voice to silencing it but on second thought no, I'm very happy that it's being sung.” I don’t mean to sound cynical, but if I was getting the royalties, I would let them sing it all day long as well.

Hotel California – The Eagles This song really needs no further explanation. I would have given it the top spot on this list but I really didn’t feel it deserved another number one. It is the repetition in the lyrics that gets me. “Such a lovely place (such a lovely place), such a lovely face.” It sounds like one of those awkward foreign language tapes for non-English speakers. The song is supposedly about hedonism, self-destruction and greed – so it would seem like a great idea. But I think in this case we would all do well to follow The Eagles’ (and also Trip Advisor’s) advice and give Hotel California a miss.

Hey Jude – The Beatles Don’t get angry.Yes, I put The Beatles on this list. No, I am not deranged, but listening to this song is enough to drive anyone crazy. When The Beatles’ catalogue was first released on iTunes, 'Hey Jude' was the best-selling track and it is one of the most played Beatles’ songs on the radio. To be fair, the first three minutes are not awful. It is the final four that are so maddeningly repetitive you could start a drinking game where you take a shot every time someone says ‘Jude’. In the words of one orchestra member during the recording “I will not clap my hands and sing Paul McCartney’s bloody song!”

bull usuonline.com caught on campus

Soon, you will feel sleepy... Green Lantern wannabes unite!

Hold up guys, I promise this won't hurt.

Thanks for voting TEACH!

Hey guys, shouldn't we get in height order?

USU BOARD ELECTIONS 30 May 2012

he USU Board Elections saw the second half of May turn into a flurry of activity with seven candidates vying for votes in the hope to secure one of the five seats on the USU Board. No ear was safe as candidates hit the campus streets with gusto to spread word of their views and policies. The results party truly kicked off with the announcement of the winners: John Harding-Easson, Sophie Stanton, Tom Raue, Karen Chau and Hannah Morris. Congratulations!

caught on campus Images taken by John Fennel

I'm so excited and I don't know why!

Victory is ours!

Maybe I CAN DOWN THE WHOLE JUG...

You'll vote Coff, won't you boy? let it go

QUICK! HE'S PICKING UP PACE!

Issue 05 club hub

club hub

REVUES!

Revue season is about to kick-off with a bang. Here’s a breakdown of what goes into the shows:

EXECUTIVE

Before auditions even take place, producers and other executive members will have booked rehearsal spaces, performance spaces, sought out sponsors and balanced budgets to allow for props and other expenses.

Darcy Soc

CAST

PIERCE HARTIGAN blames Colin Firth

t is a truth universally acknowledged that no actual man will ever be able to live up to the standard set by Mr Fitzwilliam Darcy. Jane Austen’s brooding, dark horse of a gentleman will haunt those of us unlucky enough not to be confined to the halls of fiction forever, probably. With a record like that, it’s little surprise that the university’s period (“bonnet”) drama appreciation society chose to carry his name. Constitutionally required to observe high tea on a regular basis, DarcySoc is without doubt one of the USU’s best-kept secrets. Not confining themselves to the works of Austen, they promote the enjoyment and appreciation of works of literature, film, and theatre set in previous eras, particularly from the Georgian, Regency and early Victorian periods. Of course, Austen retains pride of place in the hearts of the membership. “People go through Bronte phases and Gaskell phases, but at the end of the day Jane Austen is still Jane Austen. She’s behind so many of the main bonnet drama works – Pride and Prejudice, Emma and Sense and Sensibility in particular,” says society president Miranda Fagan. “Whenever we have book clubs, our largest groups are always those discussing Pride and Prejudice.” With just over 200 members, DarcySoc events are a celebration of a world gone by where things were simply nicer (in the aesthetic sense, if perhaps not socially). The society hosts regular picnics, Devonshire teas and champagne brunches where its membership breaks out the vintage wear and more baked goods than a CWA charity fête. The vast majority of members are female, but events are often well attended by men, whether as handbags for their ladyfriends or as enthusiasts in their own right. Austen and her contemporaries’ particular brand of drama endures in contemporary

society in a way that many genres before and since have failed to. “Often when I ask members why they joined us, they say that before they joined they didn’t have many friends who actually enjoyed this kind of drama, or if they did then certainly not as much,” says Fagan. “Period drama for Darcy Soc members isn’t just a type of literature in which women in pretty dresses swoon constantly over men in breeches. It’s about fostering a community of like-minded people who happen to love the same kind of stories and entertainment.” Members are encouraged to attend the annual Jane Austen festival, a national event of bonnet-wearing, tea-drinking, Mothers’Day-box-set-and-cupcakes amazingness. It is apparently not unusual for full Regency costume to be worn to the program’s various events, including the centrepiece Festival Ball on the final evening. As to why Darcy continues to carry such wide appeal, Fagan is circumspect. “He’s the iconic male bonnet drama hero. He’s handsome, he grows throughout the novel and provokes a wide variety of responses in the reader – he’s very complex. It’s that full cycle of change we see in him that makes reading his story so rewarding. There’s also that wet shirt scene from the BBC’s 1995 series of Pride and Prejudice with Colin Firth. I mean, come on.What more could you want?” Oh, well. Time to grow some sideburns.

Probably the most time-consuming role in most revues after the executive, the cast spend most of the holidays and the first few weeks of semester learning precisely choreographed dances and songs, in addition to writing the bulk of skit material used in the show.

AV DIRECTORS

Sometimes a thankless role, AV directors make sure that videos and other multimedia aspects of the show come together, while often taking responsibility for promotional material and social media strategy as well.

BAND

Once the cast have settled on the major song and dance numbers and a cappella, the music department gets moving with scoring and rehearsals, as well as producing the musical segues that tie the show together.

CREW

During show week, the crew are the ones who make sure everything actually works. From props, costuming and quick-change, to stage management and lighting, the crew take the show group’s ideas and make them look professional.

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Issue 05 stop. puzzletime

stop. puzzletime WIN A LEARN-TO-SURF WEEKEND THANKS TO MOJOSURF! WIN!

Learn the skills and ocean awareness needed to stand-up surf and you could be tearing it up come this summer! Get picked up by luxury coach in Sydney and taken north to one of the most serene and picturesque locations the East Coast has to offer - Crescent Head. Staying moments from the beach in Mojosurf’s specially built surf camp, you’ll be learning to surf by day and relaxing (or partying) around the campfire by night. Offer valid for 3 months from winning.

Rating:

2 6 7 1 5 3 4 9 7 1 3 5 3 4 9 4 8 2 1 3 7 4

wheel words

For more information go to www.mojosurf.com For your chance to win Mojosurf’s weekend escape, email usubullmag@gmail.com with your name and details by 13 August 2012. The winner will be announced by email. Good luck!

Fill the grid so that every column, every row and every 3x3 box contains the digits 1 to 9.

sudoku

Package includes: • 2 night’s at Mojosurf’s beach house • Travel to and from by luxury coach with guide • 3 surf lessons with qualified instructor • All meals during the surf camp • Surfboard, wetsuit and all equipment • Free time to explore the beautiful surroundings

W H

Create as many words of 4 letters or more using the given letters once only but always including the middle letter. Do not use proper names or plurals. See if you can find the 9-letter word using up all letters.

12 Good 17 Very Good

21+ Excellent

________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________

bull usuonline.com the bull pen

the bull Pen In the Bag

HARRY SAUNDERS SHOWS YOU HOW TO GET A SEMI-PERMANENT JOB.

or most university students, free time is sparse. Only in a truly decadent bourgeois society do droves of young, fit citizens, primed for the workforce, sit around a bar of rich mahogany from midday to the late afternoon sipping Courvoisier. In most cases, a semi-permanent job is essential and provides sufficient income to enjoy a socially adequate life. So, if you’ve ever been turned down a shelf-stacking job at woolies, here’s how to land one with Coles: 1. Apply everywhere

It may seem like a no-brainer to just send resumes out to every potential employer, but getting a casual job can be hit-and-miss. Job vacancies open up every day and managers keep resumes on record specifically for such occasions. That said, it helps to be smart about when you apply. Boom periods for casual employment are usually around September to October, as employers look to take on a larger team to deal with the sales spike around Christmas. Applying online is good, but door knocking demonstrates willingness and initiative. Print your resume on pink paper to make it stand out.

2. Be confident

They’ll quiz you on a few scenarios you may encounter whilst working, to which most of the answers are “contain the situation and call a manager.”

DUMPED!

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No one is going to employ some plankton who prefers studying their shoelaces to engaging in a conversation. So be confident, look the person in the eye and speak clearly. It makes me want to pull off my own head and pitch it, Wii Sports Baseball curveball-style, at someone who mumbles and says the word “like” between every word.

3. The interview

So you’ve made it to the interview.You’ve got the job in the bag. They’re seriously considering you and they only wish to weed out the smarties from the gronks. The interview will usually begin with a few questions about yourself, things

sensitive methods for breaking up with someone at usubullmag@ gmail.com and if they’re bangin’, we’ll publish them here.

you like to do, what you’re doing at uni and why you want the job. It’s best to be honest, but keep it short and sweet. They’ll quiz you on a few scenarios you may encounter whilst working, to which most of the answers are “contain the situation and call a manager”. Lastly they’ll ask you about the schedule that would suit you to work. Go with the classic “I’ll probably be available all weekend and most weekdays, but I haven’t got my uni timetable yet so I can’t be totally sure.” This lets you get your social affairs in order before committing to a possibly restricting timetable.

4. Orientation

Most jobs offer a few shifts to help familiarise yourself with the establishment. During this time, learn as much as possible because if they think you’re too dim to perform menial tasks a) they’ll take you off the roster so fast your nametag will incinerate and b) if they’re desperate enough to keep you on, your options for promotion will be minimal to non-existent.

5. Ka-ching, yo

You’ve just been paid. Feel the sweet burn of hard-earned sweat bedew your brow and soak in the aura of success. Now go spend it on something you need, like freshly dry-cleaned socks or a brass cleaning tool for your smoking pipe.

- ODYS SE YH E R M E S 2 012 Write about times past, present or yet unlived.

Submit your stories, poems, essays and artistic works to hermes@usu.usyd.edu.au by August 12 2012. You can find the submissions guidelines and form at www.usuonline.com/Publications/Hermes