BULL Magazine 2011 Issue 1 by BULL Magazine

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GRAFFITI – ART VS POLITICS ON TOUR WITH USU’S DEBATERS HOW TO HIDE ONLINE

UNI MYTHBUS TERS COV PLU THE ER S NEW S O USU - L FF ! OO 16

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ISSUE 01, 2011 15/02/11 12:13 PM

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15/02/11 12:13 PM

ISSUE 01 CONTENTS

BUSTED! MYTHS ABOUT UNI LIFE

EDITORS

Paul Karp Alex McKinnon Kira Spucys-Tahar Anne Widjaja usubullmag@gmail.com CONTRIBUTORS

Emma Cowan, Shaun Crowe, Anthony Faisaneder, Nick Fischer, Michael Koziol, Sebastian Weller, Anna Westbrook, Otto DESIGN

Senior Designer Anjali Belani Junior Designer Lisa McKenzie PUBLICATIONS MANAGER

Chris Beaumont

WWW.USUONLINE.COM The views in this publication are not necessarily the views of USU. The information contained within this edition of Bull Magazine was correct at the time of printing. This publication is brought to you by the University of Sydney Union and The University of Sydney. t e t s s t

ISSUE 01, 2011

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MYTHBUSTERS: UNI LIFE

GRAFFITI GROOVE

COVERS OFF - THE USU’S NEW CLOTHES

USU DEBATERS IN MOTHER AFRICA

ONLINE PRIVACY: IT EXISTS

News Columns Competitions What’s on Interview Campus Chatter Student Lifestyle Travel Fashion Food & Booze Sport Science & Tech Entertainment Reviews Mindgames The Bull Pen Caught on Campus

04 05 06 08 17 24 31 33 34 35 36 37 38 40 43 45 46

CONTENTS 15/02/11 12:14 PM

BULL USUONLINE.COM NEWS

1 Refreshed: Muscles is back at Manning Bar for Beachball

2 Gift of the Gab: Bronwyn Cowell from the USU partnered Tim Mooney in the World University Debating Chapmionships

The competition was a hot topic on Twitter, trending in Australia with competitors sharing some light hearted jousts, comments about the oppressing 40 degree Gaborone heat and the lamented lack of access to the pool. Controversially, given the geopolitical location of the host nation, the Grand Final motion of the British Parliamentary – style competition was, ‘That this house would invade Zimbabwe’, on which the USU was closing government.

President of the USU, David Mann, praised the efforts of the contingent. “We’ve always had a strong debating culture here and our teams worked exceptionally hard.”

NEWS MUSCLES RETURNS TO MANNING FOR EXCLUSIVE SYDNEY SHOW After three years out of the spotlight, popular local DJ and producer Muscles is back to headline Manning Bar’s upcoming start of semester party, Beachball. The electro maestro is fresh off the back of a sell-out national tour and is ready to bring his new sounds to the University of Sydney on 3 March 2011, his first gig at Manning Bar since a blockbuster

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show in 2008. Joining him will be fellow dancefloor fillers, The Aston Shuffle. The Canberra duo were voted number one DJs of the inthemix 50 last year after a stellar 2010. Capping off a packed line-up will be Melbourne fourpiece World’s End Press, Softwar plus several more prime acts. Beachball kicks off at Manning Bar on 3 March at 8pm, tickets can be bought at the Access Desk in Manning House or online at www.manningbar.com.au.

USU DEBATERS STILL BEST IN THE WORLD The University of Sydney Union retained its position as the world’s number one university debating institution after finishing runnersup in the World University Debating Championships held in Botswana earlier this year. Defending champions, USU A (represented by team captain Tim Mooney and Bronwyn Cowell) suffered a narrow defeat at the hands of rivals Monash University in the Grand Final, which also featured teams from Oxford University and the London School of Economics. The competition, held over eight days from 27 December to 3 January, was hosted by the University of Botswana in Gaborone.

“Our success highlights the importance and relevance of student unions,” he added. “Opportunities like this demonstrate the positive impact on student development that student unions deliver; whether it’s an international competition, or opportunities to grow student leaders on their own campus.” Over 1,000 students from more than 200 universities around the globe poured into the capital of the southern African nation for the competition, which included an English as a Second Language competition, won by the University of Tokyo. The USU sent a contingent of 15 (five debate teams and five judges), three of whom made the list of the top 10 speakers of the competition; Tim Mooney ranked second, Bronwyn Cowell fourth and Patrick Caldwell seventh. Next year will see the World Championships head to the Philippines, to be held at De La Salle University in Manila. See page 21 for a behind the scenes look at theWorld Debating Championships.

15/02/11 12:14 PM

ISSUE 01 COLOUMNS

COLUMNS EDITOR’S NOTE PAUL, ALEX, KIRA AND ANNE

ell hi, kids. It’s a brand new year, and Bull is back, bigger, bolder and better than ever. Our first issue is jam-packed full of goodies for you to get your filthy, filthy hands on. Not only have we made like Sean Parker and dropped the ‘the’, we’ve gussied ourselves up with a red-hot redesign that looks pretty damn schmick, if we say so ourselves. Speaking of branding, rebranding and all things pretty, we examine the Univeristy of Sydney Union’s makeover, and go underground into the controversial, vibrant world of street art. We head to darkest Africa to hear the courageous exploits of our world-class debating team, and online to teach you the art of keeping secrets in the age of no secrets. For all our fresh-faced first years (BIG welcome, by the way), we’ve been in the lab busting some eye-opening, noholds-barred University myths, so you can dive right into O-Week worry-free. We chat to Generation One’s inspirational Tania Major, give you the low-down on how to dress, what to eat and how to entertain yourself at Uni. Add to all that a host of regulars like Travel, Sport, Reviews, a handy-dandy ‘What’s On’ guide to O-Week, first week and every week, and the contributions of students uni-wide, and we’ve served up a pretty tasty first issue, we reckon. So dig in! Enjoy! Tell your friends! And welcome to your brand-new Bull. Love, The editors.

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PRESIDENT’S DESK DAVID MANN Welcome Freshers!!!!! At Sydney University, there’s a lot to get your head around in these first couple of weeks – the best lectures, the best tutorials, the best make-out spots. But equally (if not more) important is working out just how you can best throw yourself into the #1 ranked student experience in Australian universities. The first thing to know is that your campus life (student activities, food, entertainment etc) is provided by the University of Sydney Union. I can remember my first O-Week when I was overwhelmed by the 200odd Clubs and Societies, a huge student leadership program, a massive entertainment and party program, the world’s #1 ranked debating program, discounts on and off campus, publications, bars… the list was endless. I wasn’t from Sydney, had never heard of the Captain Planet Appreciation Society and I’d never debated before in my life. Now, if I choose, I can stroll into a Wednesday evening debating seminar, check into Manning Bar for the latest comedy act, catch a guest speaker at a Politics Society event, admire the latest student works at the Verge Art Gallery, or even volunteer to tutor local school kids. The choice is yours. With almost 12,000 members on campus, more and more students are realising the central role the USU plays in introducing you to a network of life-long friendships and life-changing experiences. Three years on I’m still convinced being a member of the USU was the best decision I ever made. I guarantee that you’ll feel the same. Enjoy O-Week, get involved and most importantly, have fun!

STUDENT PROGRAMS ALISTAIR COWIE Welcome back to the funhouse, people! In 2010 the University of Sydney was awarded, for the fourth consecutive year, the National Union of Students Best University Student Experience Award. In 2011 we’re going for five in a row, but not without your participation, inspiration and hard work. O-Week was (is) the opportunity for you to see exactly why it is we are number one: 200 Club stalls, bands, competitions, plays, bbqs, dances, comedians, famous alumni, parties, lectures, sports events, debates, free food… And maybe you found love... Whatever your O-Week experience was (is) you’ll be set up for the rest of the year. That’s because the Union is here to compliment your academic studies. The USU is the yin to the University’s yang; the peaches to their cream; the Hamish to their Andy. A wise Vice Chancellor once said: ‘it would be a shame were our students to graduate with just a first class honours degree’. Co-curricular activity, such as that provided by the USU, is vital to your development: socially, culturally and intellectually. The USU is proud to work with the University in the ongoing management of programs that offer you – our raison d’etre – opportunities unique to the award-winning University of Sydney student experience. A secret to our success is that students themselves actively involved in the Union’s decision -making and programming processes. Firstly our Board of Directors is made up of 11 students elected from the student body. Secondly, several of our programs are directly managed by students, while our student committees help us keep everything rewarding and relevant for the campus community. Nominations for election to Board open on Wednesday 23 February. Put your hand up and have a crack – you could be the next Michael Kirby, Malcolm Turnbull or Dame Constance D’Arcy! We are also accepting applications for four new roles: two Humanitarian Week Directors and two Interfaith Week Directors. All these roles are remunerated (i.e. we pay you!). For more info see our website. Have a great year. Join the USU. Get involved. See you next issue.

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BULL USUONLINE.COM COMPETITIONS

CAPTION COMPETITION

WIN A COMMONWEALTH BANK HEAPS FREE PRIZE PACK What’s cooler than a cooler? A REMOTE CONTROLLED cooler! The Commonwealth Bank and Bull are giving away an awesome Heaps Free Prize pack to whoever can come up with the funniest caption to this edition’s photo. Included in the pack is an RC Cooler, to bring you drinks at WIN! your beck and call – plus five Sony Music CDs to provide thee 20! tunes. Total value of around $220! So get cracking – send your ingeniously hilarious caption to usubullmag@gmail.com ls. include name and contact details. ail Winners will be notified by email d and the winning caption printed in the next edition.

WIN A DOUBLE-PASS TO CREAMFIELDS! Creamfields is back in 2011 with an epic line-up, led by none other than superstar DJ DEADMAU5! The Canadian dance legend will be joined by a huge list of other top DJs when Creamfields hits Sydney’s Horden Pavillion and Showring on 30 April. To mark the grand occasion – Bull magazine is giving away THREE DOUBLE-PASSES to lucky readers. To enter the draw, send your name and details (email, phone number and favourite animal) to usubullmag@gmail.com.

WIN!

WIN A DOUBLE-PASS TO HALL PASS! Rick (Owen Wilson) and Fred (Jason Sudeikis) are best friends. They have each been married for many years. The two men begin to show signs of restlessness and their wives decide to grant them a ‘hall pass,’ one week of freedom to do whatever they want... no questions asked.

WIN!

Thanks to Warner Brothers Pictures, we are giving away 15 double-passes to see Hall Pass. Out in cinemas 3 March. To enter the draw, send your name and details (email, phone number and favourite colour) to usubullmag@gmail.com.

Entries for all competitions close 10 March 2011.

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ISSUE 01 SECTION HEADING

Join us today for just $55. BULL_01_AB_v4.indd 7

7ITH THREE ON CAMPUS HEALTH ÞTNESS CENTRES over 30 recreation courses and more than SPORTING CLUBS WHETHER YOUmRE A SOCIAL SPORTSMAN OR AN /LYMPIC ATHLETE OUR ANNUAL MEMBERSHIP GIVES YOU ACCESS TO AN AMAZING RANGE OF BENEÞTS AT AN UNBEATABLE PRICE

www.susf.com.au 15/02/11 12:15 PM

BULL USUONLINE.COM WHAT’S ON

WHAT’S ON YOUR GUIDE TO THE PLACES TO BE ON CAMPUS. WE’LL GIVE YOU THE WHEN AND WHERE – YOU SHOW UP AND ENJOY. TO SEE EVERYTHING THAT’S GOING ON (AND THERE’S A LOT) VISIT WWW.USUONLINE.COM AND CLICK THE CALENDAR.

BECOME A BELOVED REGULAR EVERY WEEK! MONDAYS MNML MNDAYS (DJ SESSION)

Run by student DJs 1-2pm, Manning Bar

POKER

5-8pm, Hermann’s Bar

FREE FILM SCREENINGS

TUESDAYS TUESDAY TALKS

1-2pm, Manning Bar

AUSTRALIAN DISCUSSION GROUPS

3-5pm, International Student Lounge

THERE WILL BE POPCORN! ROCK YA BALLS BINGO Monday 6-8pm, International 5-6pm, Manning Bar Student Lounge

KRAZY KARAOKE

7-10pm, Hermann’s Bar.

WEDNESDAYS

PROJECT 52 COMEDY

FORTNIGHTLY MARKETS

11am-3pm, Jane Foss Russell Plaza

ACOUSTIC SESSION

Student performers 1-2pm, Manning Bar

HERMANN’S TRIVIA

1-2pm, Hermann’s Bar

MANNING TRIVIA

5-6pm, Manning Bar

7.30-10.30pm, Hermann’s Bar

BEAT THE SYSTEM

5-8pm, Hermann’s Bar

FRIDAYS

SUNSET JAZZ

6-9pm, Manning Bar

WEEKEND WARM-UP

THURSDAYS

Student DJs 4-7pm, Hermann’s Bar

THEATRESPORTS

STUDENT DJS

1-2pm, Manning Bar

AUSTRALIAN DISCUSSION GROUPS 3-5pm, Int. Student Lounge

5-8pm, Manning Bar

FRIDAY NIGHT LIVE

8pm, Hermann’s Bar

POOL COMP & PRIZES

4-6pm, Int. Student Lounge

COMPETITION & APPLICATION DATES

BEACHBALL 2011 MUSCLES / THE ASTON SHUFFLE / WORLD’S END PRESS / SOFTWAR + MANY MORE! Thursday 3 March 2011 8pm, Manning Bar Sydney Uni’s legendary start of year party is back with its most amazing line-up yet! Back on the Thursday of Week 1 there is no excuse to stop partying just ‘cos O-Week finished! Beachball 2011 is guaranteed to sell out so get your tickets early to avoid being disappointed. Whoever you are, 1st year or post grad, this event is gonna blow your minds! Tickets Available from the ACCESS Desk or online at www.manningbar.com $10+BF for USU Access members, $20+BF general admission.

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SHOW OFF SOME MAD SKILLZ AND WIN SOME GREAT PRIZES! BOARD ELECTIONS NOMINATIONS Open: 23 Feb / Close: 13 Apr

2012 O-WEEK DIRECTORS APPLICATIONS Open: 23 Feb / Close: 06 May

2011 HUMANITARIAN WEEK DIRECTORS APPLICATIONS Open: 23 Feb / Close: 08 Apr

2011 INTERFAITH WEEK DIRECTORS APPLICATIONS Open: 23 Feb / Close: 08 Apr

SYDNEY UNI BAND COMPETITION & DJ COMPETITION APPLICATIONS Open: 22 Feb / Close: 15 Apr

TIXS

T-SHIRT COMP APPLICATIONS

Open: 01 Mar / Close: 21 Apr Online Voting: 02 to 13 May

MICHAEL KIRBY PLAIN SPEAKING COMPETITION Open: 01 Mar / Close: 08 Apr Heats: 12, 13, 14 April Semi Final: 03 & 05 May Grand Final: 12 May

HAIRY GUERRILLA: SEMESTER ONE SHORT FILM COMPETITION Theme Announced: 17 Mar / Close: 21 Mar, 5pm

KICK START GRANTS Applications

Close: 04 Mar / 01 Apr / 06 May 03 Jun / 01 Jul

PALM AWARDS

Open: 02 May / Close 12 Aug

SHAVED GORILLA: SECOND SEMESTER SHORT FILM COMP Theme Announced: 03 Jun

CALL FOR VERGE VOLLIES 25 Jul

Details correct at time of printing but may be subject to change. Please check www.usuonline. com for current details.

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ISSUE 01 WHAT’S ON

WEDNESDAY 23 FEBRUARY

DEEP SEA UV PARTY

7pm, Manning Bar Get your glow on as USU welcomes you with free glowsticks to an all UV Party. So don your whites and fluoro’s and get ready to party under the sea! Access FREE / General $5 18+

THURSDAY 24 FEBRUARY

FRIDAY 25 FEBRUARY

7pm, McLaurin Hall

1pm, Hermann’s Bar

Feat: TRIPOD // Axis of Awesome Project 52 // hosted by the Chaser’s Julian Morrow.

Feat: The Holidays // Jinja Safari The Eagle and the Worm // fishing // idea idea // plus the O-Week Battle of the Bands winner.

CAMPUS COMEDY BANDS AHOY!

Some of Australia’s best musical comedians are joining us for an evening of campus comedy shenanigans. Come see the best comedy Sydney has to offer! Access $10 / General $15 ALL AGES

www.oweek.com.au

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These Triple J Hottest 100 nominees will be sure to provide you with an evening to remember throughout your uni days. Enjoy the festival vibes as we farewell O-Week in style! FREE / General $5 18+

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BULL USUONLINE.COM FEATURE

MYTHBUSTERS:

UNI LIFE ANNE WIDJAJA TELLS IT LIKE IT IS, MINUS THE EXPLOSIONS.

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pon first glance at the glossy University of Sydney brochure that arrived in my mailbox before O-Week, I instantly began to imagine my future university life as a three-dimensional extension of that front cover. I longed to be part of that racially diverse, cross-faculty friendship group. I couldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t wait to lie on the grass, soak up the sunshine and show off my carefree, yet attractive laugh! Four years into my degree later, I realised that re-creating this vision in real life would be more challenging than I would have initially expected. After much consideration of my own initial mythic-sized expectations of uni life, I would like to pass on to you dear reader, the following myth busted truths. Note: this article should give you a good idea of the type of cynicism that will help you fit in with older students. Especially if youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re in the Arts faculty, being jaded is highly respected.

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ISSUE 01 FEATURE

MYTH: SYDNEY UNI IS CONTAINED TO THE QUAD (WHICH IS JUST LIKE HOGWARTS!!)

UNI WORK VS THE HSC

It’s true that, especially at night, the Great Hall does look like the Great Hall in the Harry Potter movies. It’s also true that the only time you will see the Great Hall is your graduation ceremony. On the bright side, there will be plenty of time for you to imagine floating candles and pumpkin-based beverages during the hours of name reading that you will have to endure.You should also know that there’s a good chance you may never have a class in the Quad, which is actually a blessing given its poorly ventilated rooms and battles with Boggarts in the form of your darkest fear. However, you will be at least be free to sit along and wander by the picturesque sandstone walls. Whilst you’re at it, you should try and find the somewhat hidden passageway to the Holme Building on Science Road. Unfortunately though, it requires no secret password to reveal itself. Also know that the grass in the quad is almost always roped off or being mowed, exclusively used only as a backdrop for the uni’s promotional material. Never fear! The Front Lawns, law lawns and the grasses opposite Fisher Library are more than sufficiently grassy for tired student behinds.

MYTH: JOINING EVERY CLUB AND SOCIETY ON CAMPUS GUARANTEES YOU’LL BE SUPER INVOLVED AT UNI

It is very easy to fall under the spell of those colourful little tents and sign up to every Club and Society under the sun. Fight your urge to join for that free bag of jellybeans! A good rule of thumb is to join three or four societies and make a serious commitment to all of them because you care about their niche cause. Join a Society because you didn’t know that you would find anyone else in the world that would admit to writing Jane Austen fanfiction. The Clubs and Societies program is really the gem of uni life and is an easy way to get involved and meet like minded people. Start off with joining your faculty society, make a note of events, go to the meetings and get amongst it! Just don’t go overboard.

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You can really get a good pick of subjects that you’re actually going to like when at uni. From Medieval Studies to Astrology, you can ﬁnd subjects that you never knew could be remotely considered academic. This doesn’t always mean that your workload will be any less than in year 12, but it shouldn’t be anywhere near as painful (at least not at ﬁrst). Another bonus is that you’ll have a hectic period of holiday time to escape the country on that Contiki tour you’ve always wanted to join, and recover from intense semesters. Appreciate this sweet, sweet time that you have to stall your exposure to the real world!

MYTH: SYDNEY UNI IS CONTAINED TO THE QUAD (WHICH IS JUST LIKE HOGWARTS!!)

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BULL USUONLINE.COM FEATURE

MYTH: LECTURES WILL BE AN ENLIGHTENING EXCHANGE OF IDEAS WITH OTHER BRILLIANT MINDS

Unfortunately life for the average student is not as glamorous as Hollywood leads us to believe. Your first year classes will not be made up of a handful of students who all have equally insightful and fundamentally challenging ideas to express to your oh-so-wise lecturer. A more realistic scenario in compulsory first year courses is a lecturer struggling to control an overflowing lecture hall containing a hundred restless students, all of whom are too busy playing solitaire and checking Facebook on their Macbooks to listen. Save your opinions on climate change denial and Marxism for tutorials, where you actually can discuss extremely open-ended questions with the five per cent of your class that have actually done the readings. Take comfort in the fact that the quality of your classes will improve exponentially as you get further into your majors.

MYTH: MEETING NEW PEOPLE IS EASY

Making friends in your first year can go down two shaky paths.You can either alienate your w high school friends by making a whole new rtably group of uni friends, or you can comfortably he school move your high school clique from the nue. Be wary lawns to the lawns on Eastern Avenue. nturing down of doing either, but know that venturing the middle is a rewarding, but at first scary path. Everybody in first year is a little bit intimidated -the-big-pond scenario, by the small-fish-back-in-the-big-pond ard to make new friends, meaning it can seem hard especially in degreess with huge cohorts e.g. Commerce, Arts, Law. Whilst this can count as me at first, it does get easier the valuable ‘me’ time ake an effort. Everybody is in the more you make same boat and whilst it may not seem like it, ody wants to meet new people. It’s just everybody hard to break the ice. Put yourself out there and at to the person sitting next to you in lectures chat and tutes, you may just be warming up to the next K Rudd over a mutual love for dim sims in your first Mandarin class. The friends you make in your first first year are likely to hang around for life.

CAMPUS BEYOND THE QUAD

MYTH: WEARING YOUR YEAR 12 JERSEY IS VERY COOL AND RESPECTABLE

The Transient Building is also not at all magical as the name would suggest, just really ugly. In fact, past City Rd and the Institute Building, the campus gets pretty displeasing to the eye. Not only is there no sandstone here, but it’s exclusively populated by Commerce and Engineering students. To cover up these aesthetic inadequacies, Sydney Uni students cope well by putting down the UTS building i.e. the Tower of Sauron.

This one really speaks for itself. Prepare to be judged harshly for committing the above offence. It’s time to let go of the memories and move that jersey from the light of day into night wear/pyjama territory.

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15/02/11 12:18 PM

ISSUE 01 FEATURE

Graffiti; (singular: graffito; plural used as mass noun) letters or images scratched, etched, scribbled or marked on any surface or property.

GRAFFITI

GROOVE KIRA SPUCYS-TAHAR ENTERS THE WORLD OF TAG GGIN NG TAGGING, HEAVENS,, THROW-UPS AND D SCRIBES. S

he streets of Sydney are a veritable patchwork of graffiti. Honouring the ancient traditions of hieroglyphics and the etchings found on the walls of Pompeii, the graffiti of today is as much about producing iconic political works as it is about letting off some steam and having your name known.

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15/02/11 4:07 PM

BULL USUONLINE.COM FEATURE

Contemporary styles of graffiti originated in Philadelphia and New York City during the 1960s. The bold new trend was not the defacing of public surfaces, but the increasing number of people with something to say, which forced inventiveness in style. Stylised signature known as ‘tags’ became elaborate with various fonts, colours and techniques used to distinguish the different ‘scribes’. This was combined with daring attempts to use new mediums such as trains, buses and highly visible public spaces as their canvases. As hip-hop culture migrated to Australia from the United States in the 1980s, new forms of graffiti such as full-blown mural pieces began appearing in Sydney. It’s interesting, then, that the Graffiti Tunnel at the University of Sydney was actually founded in the 1960s. The Graffiti Tunnel is an institution at the University. The walls and floors are covered in thick layers of aerosol paint from years of elections, campaigns and general student mayhem. The University’s administrators originally opened the Tunnel as a means of deterring petty vandalism on the campus by allowing room for artistic expression in a concentrated space. They were also fuelled by the increasing amount of protest, at the time, against the Vietnam War. Nowadays it’s filled with slogans, witticisms and stencil art – students take pride in our colourful cavern. There are rumours that one day the tunnel will be merely a slip of a passage, due to the encroaching nature of the walls as they receive each coat of fresh paint. It’s hard to imagine this would ever happen though, as the students would long for their space of legal artistic expression. The Tunnel is an example of living history. Walking the streets of the inner city, you can see the various artistic movements present in the graffiti – post-modernism, pop art and surrealism are all influences on the suburban galleries. Allowing the legal production of graffiti art means young people are less likely to be arrested for vandalism or trespassing. Police are often seen as the enemy by youth as they threaten the street artist lifestyle. There are specialist police squads and laws against graffitists carry harsh penalties. Spray-cans are difficult to purchase in an attempt to make the weapon of choice less accessible. In 2006, the government even went so far as to ban a computer game for sale in Australia due to the depiction of graffiti.

“THE WORKS REFLECT THE DIVERSITY AND CHARACTER OF THE COMMUNITY” BULL_01_AB_v4.indd 14

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ISSUE 01 15 1 FEATURE

Strong opinions divide communities about where this type of expression should take place and whether or not it is ‘art’. Do we want the clean or the colourful? Residents are often furious about the offensive tagging that takes place on their private property such as fences and garden walls. They view graffiti as ‘unsavoury’ and a blatant attempt at territorial marking by cocksure young adult males to display bravado among peers, rebel against ‘the man’ and develop some kind of street cred. And it’s true - artists experience a thrill in creating a throw-up (an evolved, rapid tag) or a heaven (a piece daubed in a precarious space such as a billboard or high rise window). However, street artists view their work as a form of calligraphy, marking artistic space. They attempt to create meaningful expressions and breathe life into the monotonous urban landscape. They use drains and public transport as a training ground to learn and improve. They take time to develop their skills and become inspired to create great works. The preferred term is ‘street art’ not graffiti. These are often political works not seen as simply defacing public property, but offering a non-violent means of communication. The City of Sydney Council has a zero tolerance policy on graffiti and has extremely high rates of petty vandalism. Marrickville Council, which covers the Newtown area, encourages creativity but attempts to balance this with the rights and desires of local residents. A struggle has recently occurred over the ‘Ban the Burqa’ mural as the community is divided over its worth – should it remain or be painted over? The Council has, however, permitted the survival of various iconic works including the ‘Three Proud People’, ‘Martin Luther King’ and ‘Africa’ murals. Another example of supported, legal graffiti is the Bondi Beach mural wall running the length of the promenade. The works reflect the diversity and character of the community including a memorial to the victims of the Bali bombings and a memorial for the ANZACs. These pieces represent political history and milestones sitting alongside fun and frivolous works of aerosol art. Each artist must be given permission from the council and the work is monitored to ensure it complements the free expanse. The murals and tags are respected by the other street artists and there are minimal rates of malicious vandalism in the region. Street art has even caught the academic world’s attention. Senior Lecturer in Urban Geography at the University of Sydney, Dr Kurt Iveson wrote in a 2009 article: ‘Graffiti will not be eradicated, so we ought to develop policy measures which have the more modest but achievable goal of shifting graffiti-writing

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“Do we want the clean or the colourful?”

practice towards those forms and locations of graffiti that are better liked (or at least more tolerable)’. Such is the ubiquity of graffiti and street art in Sydney recently several short films have been made about the phenomenon. These have included ‘The Urban Canvas’ and ‘Tagged’ by University of Sydney students studying media and communications. These student films join works by the likes of the notorious, British anonymous graffiti artist Banksy, whose film ‘Exit Through the Giftshop’ received critical acclaim when it premiered in 2010. Not everyone can or wants to access an art gallery. Legalalised spaces for graffiti and street art allow exposure to innovative colour, beauty and ideas without being destructive or forceful. These pieces belong to no-one and everyone at the same time.

15/02/11 12:20 PM

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BULL_01_AB_v4.indd 16

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ISSUE 01 INTERVIEW

e spoke with Generation One spokesperson and 2007 Young Australian of the Year Tania Major about dedicating her life to fighting for the cause of Indigenous Australians. AT 21 YOU BECAME THE YOUNGEST ELECTED REGIONAL COUNCILLOR IN THE ABORIGINAL AND TORRES STRAIT ISLANDER COMMISSION. AT 26 YOU WON THE TITLE OF YOUNG AUSTRALIAN OF THE YEAR AND ALSO WON SEVERAL OTHER PRESTIGIOUS AWARDS. WHAT DID YOU INITIALLY SET OUT TO ACHIEVE? I grew up in a very disadvantaged community where the original inhabitants of the land did not have the opportunity to really get an education my mother wasn’t given the right to be educated because of the colour of her skin. Growing up in that background really inspired me to step up and make a difference. The only way I could make a change was by taking a stand and getting an education, breaking barriers that no one in my community or my region have really ever successfully achieved. A lot of Australia would take for granted the opportunity to get a good education, or the opportunity to walk into the gates of Sydney University. YOU MENTIONED IN A PAPER THAT YOU WROTE THAT YOU WERE THE ONLY STUDENT IN YOUR YEAR 8 COHORT THAT HAD NOT BEEN TO PRISON OR WAS ADDICTED TO DRUGS OR ALCOHOL. I took the responsibility on at a young age to be a role model and that was hard work. I just thought to myself, in order to put an end to

this, you’ve got to do something about it. At 13 I decided there and then that this is what I wanted to do. WHAT WAS YOUR UNIVERSITY EXPERIENCE LIKE? In Brisbane I did my degree in Criminology, and then in 2009 I graduated from Sydney University with masters in Public Policy. I lived at Women’s College. My time [at Sydney Uni] was very structured. I lived between Women’s College, uni, my lectures, the gym, and the airport. I didn’t party much. Actually I lie! My first party and my last party ever was at STUCCO, I think it was an O-Week function. That was fun. I did enjoy my time away from Queensland and politics, and being in an environment where everybody didn’t know who you were.You were treated equally as a student and your opinion mattered. Being at Sydney University I found the support structures, the cultural diversity, and the networks just phenomenal. I actually miss it to be honest. WHAT MOTIVATED YOU TO GET INVOLVED IN GENERATION ONE? Since becoming Australian of the Year, with people that I’d meet, [I found] Australians gave a freakin’ damn about the plight of Aboriginal people. [But] there was really no avenue in play so I could direct their goodwill and support. I didn’t know nationally what was going on. In 2009 Andrew [Forrest, founder of Generation One] came to Cairns and contacted me and asked me to become a spokesperson, I jumped at that opportunity. Now I can actually give people something to say hey! we can make a difference. WHAT IS GENERATION ONE? We believe that the disparity [between indigenous and non-indigenous peoples] can be changed in one generation. Four of our main pillars are education, employment, training and mentoring. All behind this is a political imperative, the more we have indigenous people in positions of influence the more stereotypes can be broken down. We’re about giving indigenous people [employment] opportunities, where indigenous people and non-indigenous people can work together. It’s about trying to shift the attitudes of wider Australia. For so long in Australia, the plight of Aboriginal people has [either] been a black problem or a government

"The plight of Aboriginal people has [either] been a black problem or a government problem… it’s actually a national disgrace."

problem…it’s actually a national disgrace. We’re trying to bring it to the forefront of the Australian psyche. IN AN INTERVIEW WITH ANDREW DENTON IN 2007 YOU AGREED THAT IT WAS RIGHT FOR FORMER PRIME MINSTER JOHN HOWARD TO DECLARE A STATE OF EMERGENCY IN THE NORTHERN TERRITORY. HAS YOUR OPINION CHANGED? I actually talk to people working in the communities, and for some communities it’s actually working fantastically. It’s changing lives. I know we can’t please everybody, I know my opinions are going to upset people. I don’t really care. It’s so easy for us to say ‘oh my god, how could you do that to these people?’ For so long in Australian history with Aboriginal affairs, it’s always been [about] blame, blame, blame, victimisation, with no real solution. At the end of the day, challenging conversations about things like the intervention need to happen, with people like me saying publicly I support it.

TANIA MAJOR

INTERVIEW BULL_01_AB_v4.indd 17

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BULL USUONLINE.COM FEATURE

T BULL MAGAZINE LIFTS THE COVERS OFF THE NEW LOOK USU

h hose who have been in and around campus for some time may already have noticed that the USU looks a bit different. Actually, the very fact you are reading this magazine should have tipped you off about the all new facelift undergone by our beloved student union.

THE USUâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S NEW CLOTHES

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ISSUE 01 FEATURE

EVOLUTION OF THE LOGO ORIGINAL LOGO

1990’S

MID 1990’S

“We really wanted to pick the brains of students – find out what an ideal student union is in their minds – and then work hard to make that a reality in the USU.” -David Mann, USU President.

90’S - 2006

2006 - 2011

2011

A BRIEF HISTORY OF THE USU 1874

The USU started life as a debating society, similar to societies founded in Oxford and Cambridge.

1884

The Union is given a common room for meetings, soon the membership would outgrow the space and require extensions and dedicated building.

1892

The Sydney Uni Women’s Association is formed, shortly followed by the Women’s Debating Society.

1906

The University Senate grants the Union 10,000 pounds for a new building (now known as the Holme Building).

1911

A constitution is adopted, a patron elected with three administrative committees and a set of regulations.

The University itself underwent its own facelift two years ago, introducing a new logo, new colours and new feel to shake off an antiquated image and adjust to a modern era. And now, the USU, Australia’s largest student union, and one nearly as old as the University itself, has done the same. By talking and listening to students and finding out what they want, the USU learned the right direction to take to continue to provide the best student experience found in an Australian university. Gone is the regal blue and old-fashioned crest, and in is a bold, vibrant yellow, white and black livery and modern shield. New look, new merchandise, new products, new initiatives and new and revamped facilities are also to be unveiled by the new-look USU. Everything the USU provides will be optimised and improved to suit the needs of students, from the Access program, to food, retail and the bars, to Clubs and Societies and the entire range of other student programs.

BEHIND THE REBRAND

The USU’s rebrand was not simply change for change’s sake– it was borne out of a long and incredibly deep research project - the largest in the USU’s 136-year history. The research obtained insights, opinions and ideas from more than 1,500 students, staff and other campusdwellers. The research was undertaken in late 2009 and provided a basis and strategy for the USU’s rebrand project, which was developed throughout 2010. The key finding from the research was students wanted the Union to serve student

BULL_01_AB_v4.indd 19

interests, to listen and take notice and to be for all students, not just a few. They also indicated the USU brand was dull and old fashioned; that it needed to be more contemporary and show obvious links to the University, to which the USU has always shared a close relationship and mutual sense of duty to serve the students. For example, the shield is derived from the University’s crest. Furthermore, much feedback was given specifically on the USU’s sub brands (such as Access and the Bull magazine), which helped give the USU a clear direction to steer. Using this information, four brand concepts were tested on students; with the resultant brand you now see receiving an overwhelmingly positive response – only two per cent of students stated they weren’t in favour of the logo.

WE ARE…

1912

The first ever meeting of the Board of Directors in held on 14 November.

1917

Manning House is opened to facilitate the growing Women’s Union.

1960

New legislation sees a boom in student numbers at Sydney University, while cooperation between the Union and the Women’s Union increases.

1972

The original ‘Men’s’ Union and Women’s Union finally merge and Dr Phillip Jones becomes President of the ‘new’ united Union.

The USU has also adopted the new tagline ‘We Are…’ This simple, but effective lead is followed by a varying phrases, such as ‘evolutionary’, ‘notfor-profit’, ‘diverse’ ‘entertainment,’ and ‘your union’ – reflecting the range of services the USU provides the campus.

1995

TO INFINITY AND BEYOND

Voluntary Student Unionism creates a major funding challenge for the USU. The Access Membership Program is launched.

The USU has long been a chief contributor to the ‘student experience’ that the University of Sydney is renowned for (USYD has been ranked the best student experience provider by the National Union of Students for the last three years). The new look is another step in organisation’s long and proud history of listening and providing for an ever-changing campus community.

A major survey of students includes questions on all aspects of the USU’s operations. A new logo is commissioned.

2006

2009

Major research is conducted and the USU rebrands itself to become more contemporary and relevant.

15/02/11 12:22 PM

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1 month expiry for all inclusions. Not for commercial or resale purposes. 1Approved customers only. Minimum monthly spend is $45. Early exit fee: $45 x months left on contract. 2For use in Australia only. Minimum 50KB session applies. Included data excludes tethering. Additional data usage rate and tethering rate is $0.25/MB (min 50KB session). 3The speaker is given at point of sale. Actual colour and style of the portable speaker may vary from the image shown. Limit of one portable speaker per person. 4$20 music credit is in the form of 21 credits which can be used to download music from a selection at the Students Music Store on Vodafone Central or Online at www.vodafone.com.au/student. Standard data charges DSSO\ /LPLW RI RQH ZRUWK RI PXVLF FUHGLWV SHU SHUVRQ )XOO WUDFN GRZQORDGV RQO\ DYDLODEOH LQ 9RGDIRQH·V * 0RELOH %URDGEDQG =RQH 0XVLF YRXFKHU PD\ QRW EH XVHG WR GRZQORDG WRQHV RU PHGLD ÀOHV RWKHU WKDQ PXVLF 0XVLF YRXFKHU LV YDOLG for 3 months from date of issue and is not redeemable for cash. The following is prohibited; (a) the sale or rental of Music downloaded from Music on Vodafone Central or Online at www.vodafone.com.au/student by the Customer; (b) the use of Music downloaded from the Music Store on Vodafone Centralor Online at www.vodafone.com.au/student by any third party other than any usage rights expressly granted; (c) any illegal activity in respect of any Music and/or the use of any Music downloaded from the Music Store on Vodafone Central or Online at www.vodafone.com.au/student in whole or in part for any illegal purpose. Vodafone Pty Limited ABN 76 062 954 554. HOST11 K1157

BULL_01_AB_v4.indd 20

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Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Duis bibendum sapien ac arcu placerat ac gravida diam ISSUE 01 21 FEATURE sem commodo. Praesent id laoreet mi. Integer placerat rhoncus enim, adipiscing urna pharetra a auctor leo volutpat. Duis faucibus vitae sollicitudin justo tincidunt id. Praesent ornare, nunc eget pellentesque congue, metus ipsum scelerisque enim, a posuere mi nunc at tortor. Mauris imperdiet faucibus odio, ut porttitor massa ornare a. Vivamus placerat neque in felis semper ultrices. Class aptent taciti sociosqu ad litora torquent per conubia nostra, per inceptos himenaeos. Nulla vitae erat nisi, varius posuere ante. Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Praesent sollicitudin, libero id porttitor volutpat, nulla neque ullamcorper erat, a feugiat lectus urna non erat. Nunc hendrerit interdum neque, eu tempor risus elementum consequat.Nam vel lorem lectus, id mattis leo. Quisque eget nisl elit, et posuere lacus. Fusce posuere suscipit sem sed viverra. Nunc tempus ultricies leo et sodales. Sed viverra tellus eu nisl tempus et rutrum diam convallis. Fusce dictum egestas erat, sit amet eleifend massa consectetur id. Maecenas ut nibh id sem rhoncus suscipit non vel est. Aliquam facilisis turpis vel tortor feugiat ac dapibus dui sodales. Nam auctor, nisl sit amet sagittis sollicitudin, nisl odio fermentum sapien, elementum porta erat eros sit amet tellus. Nunc ut nisi vitae ipsum euismod mollis. Nulla facilisi.Proin ultrices fermentum gravida. Fusce tincidunt tincidunt feugiat. Suspendisse vel mattis magna. Phasellus dictum consequat ornare. Donec suscipit euismod metus, id aliquet felis suscipit quis. Fusce semper volutpat tortor ut malesuada. Duis et magna elit, vitae egestas turpis. Vestibulum ante ipsum primis in faucibus orci luctus et ultrices posuere cubilia Curae; Pellentesque laoreet congue ligula, sit amet vehicula neque auctor sit amet. Quisque ut risus nulla. Aliquam erat volutpat. Ut porttitor, risus sed dictum sollicitudin, justo ligula dictum justo, vitae suscipit diam velit facilisis felis. Curabitur scelerisque purus quis tellus condimentum egestas. Curabitur vel dui vitae metus semper convallis. Vestibulum commodo mattis justo, a bibendum felis pretium in.Ut id placerat ligula. Sed dolor odio, rutrum non dapibus eu, commodo non risus. Etiam porta aliquet nulla at suscipit et adipiscing. Class aptent taciti sociosqu ad litora torquent per conubia nostra, per inceptos himenaeos. Curabitur a arcu et enim lacinia ut diam. Maecenas feugiat condimentum tempus. Phasellus aliquam nisi et metus laoreet at interdum enim sodales. Curabitur condimentum elit in velit sollicitudin fermentum. Mauris hendrerit volutpat lacus, condimentum vestibulum orci cursus et. Praesent nec ligula nibh. Phasellus convallis nunc ut nibh dapibus molestie. Nam sit amet augue eu est feugiat blandit.Nulla vulputate cursus ante, lobortis fringilla tortor euismod sed. Nunc felis nulla, convallis id volutpat sit amet, convallis vitae ipsum. Mauris placerat gravida facilisis. Praesent arcu mi, ultrices ut consectetur et, blandit vitae eros. Quisque pharetra, lorem rutrum lacinia sollicitudin, ante dui porta dolor, vitae vehicula libero libero non lacus. Suspendisse malesuada turpis a nunc ullamcorper faucibus. Ut mattis enim sit amet elit vestibulum faucibus. Nunc vulputate tristique justo fringilla consectetur. Vivamus eu felis eu metus euismod aliquet vel vitae metus. Donec nec lectus non dui facilisis laoreet non eget dui. Maecenas dignissim mi a turpis congue cursus sit amet ornare sapien. Etiam at erat bibendum diam sagittis gravida ac eget libero. Donec nec lacinia tortor. Aenean turpis lacus, semper id accumsan in, fermentum viverra turpis. Praesent quis dui mauris, sit amet cursus dolor. Aenean fringilla porta sodales. Sed fermentum, erat sed scelerisque placerat, ante arcu ultricies velit, sit amet imperdiet elit lorem vel lorem. Nam semper, quam sed varius tincidunt, tellus dolor faucibus arcu, aliquam ultrices magna urna tempor tortor. Donec euismod adipiscing arcu, eu dignissim sem porta sed. Mauris commodo suscipit mi vel vestibulum.Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Duis bibendum sapien ac arcu placerat ac gravida diam commodo. Praesent id laoreet mi. Integer placerat sem adipiscing urna pharetra a auctor leo volutpat. Duis faucibus rhoncus enim, vitae sollicitudin justo tincidunt id. Praesent ornare, nunc eget pellentesque congue, metus ipsum scelerisque enim, a posuere mi nunc at tortor. Mauris imperdiet faucibus odio, ut porttitor massa ornare a. Vivamus placerat neque in felis semper ultrices. Class aptent taciti sociosqu ad litora torquent per conubia nostra, per inceptos himenaeos. Nulla vitae erat nisi, varius posuere ante. Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Praesent sollicitudin, libero id porttitor volutpat, nulla neque ullamcorper erat, a feugiat lectus urna non erat.

ebaters have a reputation as being the most obnoxious people in the room. Whether thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a fair assessment or a hang-up from high school days when most debatersâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; confidence far outstrips their ability is itself debatable. But what is certain is that the University of Sydney can be proud because debaters representing the University of Sydney Union have once again achieved exceptionally good results at the World Universities Debating Championships in Botswana.

RAMBLE IN THE JUNGLE PAUL KARP REPORTS ON WORLD UNIVERSITIES DEBATING CHAMPIONSHIPS, THIS YEAR HELD IN MOTHER AFRICA

BULL_01_AB_v4.indd 21

15/02/11 12:22 PM

BULL USUONLINE.COM FEATURE

The most common question I heard before debating at the tournament was from people wanting to know why it was being held in the southern African nation of Botswana. The uncharitable answer is that the University of Botswana, having bid twice unsuccessfully, was on the third occasion unchallenged in their bid to host the tournament, which was held from 27 December 2010 to 4 January 2011. The more polite answer, provided by the convenor Justice Motlhabane at every opportunity, is that it was a unique opportunity to boost the participation of African universities at the World Championships. This year universities from 10 African states were represented as opposed to as few as three in leaner years. While laudable that the tournament allowed more African universities to compete, it was nevertheless beset by some testing conditions. Even the best intentioned of organising committees would have struggled to deal with Botswana’s unique challenges – debaters were to contend with scorching temperatures and lack of air-conditioned rooms to compete in. Unfortunate organisational blunders compounded the situation, such as soap-less, toilet paper-less bathrooms, under-catering and delays for food that held up the tournament. Complaints about these problems could be characterised as a case of fussy debaters with first world problems, but the organising committee’s explanation to World’s Council that ‘This Is Africa’ was vigorously rejected by many, including the South African delegation, who let

“the delegates cheered the grand final teams enthusiastically to the stage before resuming vigorous fanning motions to combat the heat.”

BULL_01_AB_v4.indd 22

actions speak louder than words by organising a very successful social at short notice. Africa had its advantages, the best of which was the travel possibilities after the tournament. Most in the Sydney contingent opted for an eight-day safari after the tournament. We saw an

also indirectly with the notionally friendly team on their side of the topic. After nine preliminary rounds, 32 teams qualify for octo finals. Two teams progress from every debate in successive rounds of octo, quarter and semi finals until a grand final, the winner of which is the champion of the 340 team tournament. The University of Sydney Union performed admirably. Of six teams from the USU, four qualified for finals. Sydney A (Tim Mooney and Bronwyn Cowell) were grand finalists, and Sydney B (Patrick Caldwell and Paul Karp) and Sydney D (Giselle Kenny and Domenic Bowes) were semi-finalists. Sydney C (Elle Jones and Daniel Swain) were by all accounts very unlucky to be eliminated from their octo final. Three of the top 10 speakers in the world were from Sydney (Tim Mooney 2nd, Bronwyn Cowell 4th and Patrick Caldwell 7th). These efforts, while slightly short of those of the victorious combination of the USU’s Steve Hind and Chris Croke last year, were enough to maintain our ranking as the number one debating institution in the world. The grand final was held in the Sir Seretse Khama Barracks Auditorium, one of the few venues voluminous enough to accommodate the massive tournament. Watched over by

WE WERE AWED FURTHER WHEN WE WITNESSED A HERD OF ELEPHANTS CROSS THE RIVER BEFORE OUR VERY EYES extraordinary variety of animals in abundance: elephants, rhinoceroses, hippopotamuses (of the non hip-hop variety), zebras, impalas, giraffes, and crocodiles. Africa offered them up at every opportunity; in areas of true wilderness like the Okavango Delta; in protected areas like Khama Rhino Sanctuary; and in the case of giraffes and elephants often just by the side of the road when driving between destinations. One highlight was Chobe National Park, where amid the lush greenery our river cruise took us down the Zambezi River as hippos and crocs circled our boat. We were awed further when we witnessed a herd of elephants cross the river before our very eyes. The trip concluded at Victoria Falls. At the border of Zambia and Zimbabwe these mighty waterfalls are twice the height of Niagara Falls, and longer too. The roaring mass of water that crashes at the bottom of the gorge, sends a constant upward spray, soaking onlookers and forging beautiful rainbows that adorn every photo as if the sublime force of nature in the background were not enough. The competition itself was as hotly contested as the climate in which it was held. Worlds is conducted in British Parliamentary Style, where each debate consists of four teams of two speakers. Two teams affirm the topic and two teams negate it, with every team competing both directly against the two opposing teams but

portraits of Botswanan generals, the delegates cheered the grand final teams enthusiastically to the stage before resuming vigorous fanning motions to combat the heat. The topic: ‘That we should invade Zimbabwe,’ was for debaters at this level both very familiar and predictable for a tournament in Southern Africa. As a result, the Opening Government team from Australian rivals Monash University started the debate very solidly with a firm grasp of the issue of responsibility to protect, and the imperative to act specifically through invasion. Opening Opposition from Oxford University countered with an extraordinary depth of knowledge

15/02/11 12:23 PM

ISSUE 01 FEATURE

of Zimbabwean politics and African conflict, conceding issues of principle and focusing the debate on the unlikely success of invasion and the attendant harms. The cakewalk of an invasion envisaged by Monash had been problematised brilliantly; the debate was now as fierce and uncertain as the putative conflict. USU A at Closing Government impressively

Monash were the eventual winners, but the announcement took a nervy two hours during which our hopes and dreams were well oiled by the offerings at one of the tournament’s boozier nights. Victor Finkel and Fiona Prowse from Monash were very deserving winners. They rank first and third in the world respectively and both have been previous grand finalists, but other possible results suggest themselves to our

the result even before the anxious participants themselves. Twitter was also set alight during the tournament. My parents overcame their objection to Twitter to follow the results online, bemused by the superabundance of comment and analysis on the Twitterverse compared to the relative dearth of actual results. “What makes these people think we want to read their conjecture about the result of the debates?” they

“THIS YEAR UNIVERSITIES FROM 10 AFRICAN STATES WERE REPRESENTED AS OPPOSED TO AS FEW AS THREE IN PAST YEARS.” reclaimed the initiative regarding the likelihood of winning the war, before extending the debate by hypothesising how a power struggle after Mugabe’s death would be far more harmful than war now. Closing Opposition (London School of Economics) rounded out the debate with some fairly esoteric material. A general lack of engagement in the second half of the debate lead a few to profess the brilliance of this team, but most concluded the opposite.

BULL_01_AB_v4.indd 23

minds, leaving many in Sydney and no doubt Oxford pondering what could have been - such is the subjective nature of British Parliamentary debating. Despite certain issues, there was still some innovation at this tournament. Online live streaming of many of the debates let viewers elsewhere in the world experience the tournament directly, even allowing some to view adjudicators’ deliberations and hence know

asked me when I returned. “They’re debaters too, what else have they got if not opinions?” I replied. The gratuitous exchange of opinions will be hosted at the same time next year by De La Salle University in Manila, with Sydney’s own Tim Mooney a Deputy Chief Adjudicator of the tournament.

15/02/11 12:23 PM

BULL SUUONLINE.COM.AU CAMPUS CHATTER

CAMPUS CHATTER

I’M NOT A STALKER, BUT...

TO THE HIPSTER ON KING STREET,

Being hipster is so mainstream, Pelvister

TO THE GIRL BEING CHASED BY THE IBIS Ahahahahaha! You’re scared of bir – oh crap, here it comes! Scaredy

TO MOTHER NATURE, We get it, climate change is real. Honestly, People of Australia

violent… I’m scared of what I might to next. Facebook addict likes this comment

TO THE BLACK SWAN, YOU’RE HOT. TO THE WHITE SWAN, YOU’RE NOT. TO THE BLACK SWAN, YOU’RE HOT. TO THE WHITE SWAN, YOU’RE NOT. I think I’m schizophrenic. Regards, Pas de deux

TO THE GUY HANGING OUT IN THE LAW LIBRARY, Leaning back in your wife-beater exposing your chest and rubbing your nipples is clearly turning all the ladies on. Please, don’t put a shirt on ever and ensure you’re here again next time I try to find a quiet place to write an essay. Regards, Girl with taste

TO THE GUY IN FISHER READING TRACY CHEVALIER, I love a man who knows his art. Meet me in the stacks and let me be your Scarlett Johansson, The Girl with a Pearl Earring TO MARK ZUCKERBERG, Give me my soul back! If I log on and don’t see one of those little red notification boxes. I become inconsolably depressed and

BULL_01_AB_v4.indd 24

TO THE TWO GORGEOUS AMERICAN EXCHANGE STUDENTS ROAMING CAMPUS LOOKING FOR THEIR NEXT CLASS, You can super-bowl me over any time, Football Fan

TO THE PRETENTIOUS LAW STUDENT WHO BROUGHT A PILLOW TO SIT ON DURING A LECTURE IN A QUAD ROOM, You were ass-king to be made fun of. Your entire History tute TO OUR PARTNERS IN CRIME, I think someone saw us in the Vice Chancellor’s office last night. Do you think we should move the body? Grabbit, Run &Vamoose TO THE GUY CHECKING HIMSELF OUT IN THE REFLECTION OF THE GLASS OF NEW LAW, You stood there for a solid five minutes while your fly was undone. Nice undies. TheWomen’s Hockey team TO THE GIRL SITTING AT THE CITY ROAD BUS STOP LAST TUESDAY. You were wearing a watch on each wrist yet you asked me for the time three times in the space of 5 minutes! Buy a watch that works! Regards,Timely

TO THE EGYPTIAN PROTESTERS When you’re done overthrowing your stubborn, oppressive leader – we’d love your services over here to oust our own persistent, annoying presence. Eddie Maguire Haters Club TO THE GILGAMESH STATUE Dude, WTF is going on with that lion? What’s going on with that wandering hind leg? You ancient Sumerian kings sure are kinky. Shocked TO THE HOTTIE AT WOOLWORTHS LAST WEEK I’m desperate to feel your hands upon me, fondling me, squeezing me tenderly and smelling my flesh. I want to feel the heat of your breath as your lips approach me. I want my juice to dribble down your chin and hear your sigh with pleasure as you taste my forbidden fruit.You know where to find me: aisle one, in front of the deli, next to the red delicious and apricots. Desperately lonely pear TO THE MOON I like how you have no eyebrows, I think it gives you an ‘edge’. Stargazer TO THE FIRST YEAR STUDENTS WHO CAME TO USYD BECAUSE THE QUAD LOOKS LIKE HOGWARTS, Felix Felicis! It’ll be nothing like you imagined… Everyone else on campus TO THE GUY WALKING HIS CAT BY THE POND ON SUNDAY EVENING I think it’s time to see a counsellor buddy… Concerned jogger

SOMEONE CATCH YOUR WANDERING EYE? SOMEONE ANNOY THE HELL OUT OF YOU? SOMEONE MAKE YOU LAUGH DERISIVELY? LET US KNOW AND SEND YOUR MESSAGES TO:

USUBULLMAG@GMAIL.COM

15/02/11 12:27 PM

ISSUE 01 CAMPUS CHATTER

PLEASE, HAVE A COW GOT BEEF WITH SOMETHING? SPILL YOUR GUTS IN 400 WORDS OR LESS TO USUBULL2010@ GMAIL.COM

SUBURBAN WARFARE! EMMA COWAN BATTLES BABY GUERRILLAS.

Having worked for a while in a childcare centre, I considered myself to be pretty damn good with kids. By that I mean I could tolerate their screams and distract the brats into a fleeting silence when necessary. But as it turns out, the childcare centre wasn’t quite the training ground I thought it was when it came to facing pre-juvenile delinquents (and their misguided parents). My new job is at a women’s fashion store. The first hours of each day seem to be ‘mums and bubs’ time, when 90 per cent of customers are mothers pushing Humvee-prams with budding gangster-toddlers in tow, seemingly determined to demolish the store. It’s painful. Occasionally I cop the brunt of maternal paranoia about the

elcome to Bull’s Variations on a Scene, where we encourage YOU to get your creative writing skills out and help evolve our story. It’s simple, read the current edition’s story and take one element of it – be it an object, setting, character, theme etc - and submit your own creative piece. Here is the first instalment – now you take it from here! EMAIL YOUR STORY VARIATIONS TO USUBULLMAG@GMAIL.COM STORIES CAN BE NO LONGER THAN 300 WORDS..

BULL_01_AB_v4.indd 25

‘intellectual’ development of some precious offspring. I once asked a cute toddler his name carefully elongating vowels for easy comprehension - only to be met with silence from the kid and an offended bark from his mother, “He’s two; he can’t talk. HE DOESN’T EVEN KNOW HIS OWN NAME YET!” Dumbstruck, I retreated to the nearest rack to move hangers back and forth. Honestly, I’ve seen kids spelling their names at that age, and even my cat responded to its name after two months. Note this, crazy mothers: sales staff don’t have time to do a full developmental assessment of your kids – we’re just being polite! Then there are the mothers who let their little guerrillas run rampant. Seemingly trying to eliminate all innocent stock, the toddlers slowly and deliberately circle, pulling clothes off hangers and dropping them on the floor, all the while watching me.

Others like to take cover amongst the jam-packed clothing racks, totally obscured except for their tiny sandals peeking out underneath. Oblivious to the baby I.E.D. just metres away, I am frequently left breathless when they explode out at me screaming Cherokee war cries and scattering the merchandise. In perhaps the most irritating skirmish yet, one mini-terrorist pushed a huge sales items box all around the shop - much to his mother’s amusement - only stopping at my feet. We eyed each other off, the overflowing box between us. Then the little monster smirked and tipped it over, scattering belts, bags and clothes in all directions. They might be cute now, but with no apparent boundaries in their seminal pre-school years, I can’t help but think these kids are going to wreak real havoc for their parents as teenagers. It’s a satisfying thought.

VARIATIONS ON A SCENE My feet slipped, pushing little mounds of hot sand behind them in a silly run below the boardwalk. I glimpsed a bright island in a sea of rainbow towels and brown bodies. At last, a space! Dropping my bag and thongs, I ceremoniously spread my towel laying claim to the little patch. But as I lay down letting the sun warm me through the threads, I felt a slight jabbing at the side. Removing the towel and scooping the sand away I found a curious object: no longer than a pencil, it was a carved piece of wood that twisted and turned as the sun shone off its lacquered surface. Suddenly a call from my nearest neighbour “ah, I’ve been looking for that” he exclaimed unconvincingly. But then from my other side came an equally implausible reply “I believe you’re mistaken, sir! It’s definitely mine.

Give it to me, son.” “I have no need of it,” I said “and I scarcely want to get in the middle of this. But please, tell me both what is it for?” “It has no purpose and needs none either, it’s an ornament that’s all,” replied the first. “Don’t be ridiculous!” The second man said, and he reached down into his esky, removing a beer and effortlessly slipped the cap into an oddly shaped nook in the side. Without looking he twisted the cap, which popped right off and into my hands. I reached into my pocket, jangled my keys awkwardly as I slipped my keys off the ring, then handed the simple aluminum bottle opener to one man and gave the wood piece to the second. They both shrugged, satisfied enough, and I tried not to look unhappy that I wasn’t offered the beer as I returned to recline on my towel...

15/02/11 12:27 PM

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BULL_01_AB_v4.indd 26

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15/02/11 12:28 PM

BULL USUONLINE.COM.AU FEATURE

“Want to stay anonymous or leave a squeaky-clean image when you die? There’s an app for that.”

PRIVACY AIN’T DEAD ALEX MCKINNON GOES ONLINE TO GO OFFLINE.

orried about online privacy? Or your name being besmirched on the web? New services to protect your online self are springing up on the web itself.

BULL_01_AB_v4.indd 28

You know the story by now. The politics of privacy - or lack thereof is one of the biggest issues around. Everyone – governments, companies and citizens alike grapple with the realities of a new world where nothing is secret or sacred. Thanks to the likes of Julian Assange and his band of merry hackers and informants, governments, corporations and embassies can no longer assume that confidential information won’t be splashed over the internet within the hour and over page one the following day. It’s not justthe James Bond-esque intrigue of Wikileaks that impassion and divide us on the issue of privacy. Proposed internet filtering schemes spark intense debate here in Australia, and in the self-described Land of the Free, the United States, where new ‘enhanced’ security measures at US airports, which give passengers the option of a full-body scan or a serious patdown, are drawing accusations of sexual assault and child abuse. Closer to our collective hearts, Facebook continues to cause grief for those seeking solitude. Facebook’s habit of giving info to paying third parties ‘in order to provide you with useful social experiences off of Facebook’ (i.e. aim straight for the wallet) is also well-known;

and there are regular stories about employers, police and jealous exs digging up information on people by sniffing out their Facebook profiles. The seemingly obvious step for someone uncomfortable with all this would be to delete Facebook and whatever else, but it’s not that simple. Deleting your online profiles is nowhere near enough to avoid detection. Facebook’s privacy policy lets it retain your information if you quit unless you specifically tell them not to. Every publicly-posted tweet ever tweeted resides in the digital archives of the Library of Congress, and Google’s stash of cached pages means that even deleted accounts and posts can still be viewed. And even if you do manage to delete every page you’ve created and have your information removed from the site’s database, you still have no control over, say, images of yourself posted by someone else after a party, or what someone writes about you.. So what’s a privacy-seeking lad or lass to do? Ironically enough, the answer is to be found online. The growing demand for internet privacy has given birth to entirely new industries designed to give web users peace of mind- for a price. People looking to keep their identity secret or defuse potential future embarrassment

15/02/11 12:28 PM

ISSUE 01 29 FEATURE

now have an army of choices at their fingertips. Take Hide My Ass, a program that does pretty much exactly what you’d expect. Hide My Ass is a downloadable software program that automatically encrypts everything you look at, post or download; you can change IP addresses as often as you want, and even change between servers located in 18 countries. It won’t actually remove information about you already online, but it will cover your online tracks and help prevent third parties being able to target you with a Predator drone. Or Farmville subscriptions, whatever. For those looking to live a less John Connor-like existence, there’s a whole bunch of companies that offer something called ‘reputation management’. Their clients are basically aggrieved people or businesses who want to get rid of nasty things written about them on the net, but need to operate under their own name. Think Pinkerton’s, but without the fedoras and wisecracks. Sites such as Defend My Name, Rep Saviour and Complaint Remover claim they can get rid of nasty info popping up on Google,Yahoo, Bing and wherever else by having a quiet word with whoever owns the site on which your good name is being muddied. One of their other methods involves flooding message boards, forums and social network sites with positive ‘information’ about you or your company until that stuff makes it to the top of the heap. This kind of wizardry doesn’t come cheap; Defend My Name’s packages start at a whopping $995 and go up sharply from there. Especially considering part of their method sounds an awful lot like spamming, and you can always create your own positive feedback for free on Wikipedia, but let’s not nitpick. This is all well and good if you happen to be still breathing, but what happens when you die? Facebook usually either deletes pages of the deceased or turns them into tribute pages on request, but most of your pages and accounts don’t stop when you do.Your spirit can float around in cyberspace long after you kick the bucket, so how can you leave a squeaky-clean image when you die? You guessed it; there’s an app for that. Create an account with a digital will site, and you can control who gets your online stuff after you die. Sites like My Webwill and Legacy Locker now let you store the passwords of every account in your name to send them to someone upon your demise. Of course, that’s assuming you want your loved ones looking at what you got up to online when you were still alive and stupid.You always have the option to specify passwords not to be revealed and the content they unlock be deleted, and rest in peace knowing Nanna will never see that amateur porn film you had a supporting role in.You can also download a handy (though disturbingly named) little thing called a deathswitch, which will store your confidential data and periodically ask you for a password to check that you’re still alive. If you don’t enter the password for a while, the deathswitch triggers and your secrets get sent to wherever you want them to go. Not only is this good for leaving your online property

BULL_01_AB_v4.indd 29

"THE GROWING DEMAND FOR INTERNET PRIVACY HAS GIVEN BIRTH TO ENTIRELY NEW INDUSTRIES DESIGNED TO GIVE WEB USERS PEACE OF MIND- FOR A PRICE."

in the hands of loved ones, it lets you send the details of that massive conspiracy to the papers even if the government finally extradites you to Guantanamo Bay or shoots you. Convenient, no? As nifty as all this sounds, none of these services are foolproof. The technology is in its infancy and even the ones charging top dollar admit they can’t guarantee total anonymity. The best privacy programs or online lawyers in the world can’t protect you from your own dumb decisions if you keep making them. The best defence (and the cheapest) is learning to be sensible and savvy online. Make your profiles private; don’t post anything embarrassing or confidential; and only befriend people you trust. Like it or not, the internet is public domain; privacy in the traditional sense simply does not exist anymore. With friends, family and employers watching, learn fast.

THE TOR PROJECT The Tor Project started in 2002 as a web service dedicated to protecting identity and retaining net anonymity. Tor offers a suite of free browsing tools that randomises the route of your online passage, making it highly difficult for trackers to trace you through the scrambled traffic. According to Tor’s website (torproject.org), the service is used by journalists to communicate with whistleblowers, NGO employees working abroad and even the US Navy.

15/02/11 12:28 PM

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Important information: *Applies to new loans only and other fees and charges, including a deferred establishment fee, may be payable. Student Options is available to full time tertiary students. Terms and conditions issued by Commonwealth Bank of Australia ABN 48 123 123 124 for Transaction, Savings and Investment Accounts and Travel Money Card are available on request and should be considered before making any decision about these products. If you have a complaint, the Bank’s dispute resolution process can be accessed on 13 2221. Applications for ﬁnance are subject to credit approval. Full Terms and Conditions provided in loan offer. Other Bank fees and charges may apply. MasterCard is the registered trademark of MasterCard International Incorporated. CLA770

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15/02/11 12:28 PM

ISSUE 01 STUDENT LIFESTYLE

STUDENT LIFESTYLE

Rental as anything PAUL KARP DETAILS CHANGES TO RESIDENTIAL TENANCY RULES

Student Gear: POST IT FLAG PENS

Creators of the ever-useful stick-on note, Post-It, have introduced the next step in pen evolution: Post-It pens! The range of biros and highlighters come attached with little stick-on flags to make instant bookmarking and note taking a breeze. Very handy come exam time when you remember you wrote something useful down – but where?!

BULL_01_AB_v4.indd 31

enting students be aware – there is change afoot in that deliciously complicated world of renting. The new tenancy rules enacted last year in The Residential Tenancies Act have just come in to force on 31 January 2011, changing the rights of tenants and landlords.

The changes that benefit tenants: Where tenants have made a request to make minor changes to premises (such as hanging a picture or planting flowers) or to sub-lease a spare room the landlord must not unreasonably withhold consent. Landlords therefore no longer have an absolute and unchallengeable right to decide who their tenants can live with.

The changes reflect the evolution of the rental market. Penny Sharpe, a Parliamentary Secretary and member of the NSW Legislative Council, argued in her second reading speech of the bill that it was necessary to clarify the rules because tenants are staying in rental properties twice as long as they did in the mid 1980s when the old rules were formulated and one-third of NSW households ( approximately 800,000) lived in rented properties. There are more than 100 areas of reform in the new Act. The changes strike a balance between the competing interests of tenants and landlords. Knowledge is power – so here is the low down:

The changes that help landlords: The Act removes the discretion of the Tribunal to refuse to grant an eviction order if the lease has expired and proper notice has been given.

Tenants will have least one fee-free way to pay their rent. Landlords will be required to make premises ‘water efficient’ if they wish to charge tenants for water usage. Landlords and their agents will be prohibited from knowingly concealing certain important information from tenants. This includes: plans to sell the residential premises, if the landlord has prepared a contract for sale of the residential premise; or that a mortgagee is taking action for possession of the residential premises.

Landlords can now serve eviction notices directly to the tenant’s letterbox and apply to the Tenancy Tribunal for a hearing at the same time as serving notice. This will cut the time it takes to evict a tenant who has stopped paying rent by up to 18 days. Landlords will gain the right to show premises to prospective tenants or buyers at least twice a week.

15/02/11 12:28 PM

BULL USUONLINE.COM

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BULL_01_AB_v4.indd 32

Find out more, contact: International Exchange Program International Office University of Sydney NSW 2006 Open: 9.00am–5.00pm (Monday to Friday) T 8627 8322 E international.exchange@sydney.edu.au sydney.edu.au/studentexchange

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15/02/11 12:29 PM

ISSUE 01 TRAVEL

lanning accommodation can be time-consuming, tedious and expensive if you’re not careful. Part of the reason for the hassle is the industry itself; hostels, for instance, are so used to enjoying the lion’s share of backpacker custom that many charge through the nose for poor facilities, simply because they can. Recently however, the hostel industry has come to hate the words ‘vacation rental,’ and with good reason. Essentially a local resident will advertise a spare room in their house to any willing traveller – or even the entire abode should they themselves travel elsewhere. Vacation rentals have been around for yonks, but were only available through travel agencies or hotel chains, with corresponding price tags. It’s only in the last few years or so that websites like Gumtree and AirBnb have arrived and cut out the middleman, allowing hosts and tenants to deal on their own terms, resulting in some shit-hot prices.

Put Me Up.com ALEX MCKINNON SEEKS SANCTUARY IN VACATION RENTALS.

“Rocking up with your bags at 3am and begging for a room is a relic of a bygone era; it barely worked for Joseph and Mary, and it won’t for you.”

THE UPSIDES Vacation rentals are pretty much the only way us prissy Western tourists can have it all, now that colonialism has gone out of fashion. They combine the privacy and facilities of a decent hotel room with the atmosphere and affordability of a hostel. Vacation rentals can range from a shared room in a huge, hostellike share house to a fully-equipped private apartment, so you can pick and choose according to your needs and your budget. The big upside is having your own cooking and laundry facilities, which goes a long way to keeping money in your pocket and not feeling like a inhabitant of a foreign prison camp. If you’re lucky, your host will be friendly, speak great English and show you the city’s best-kept secrets. Those kind of places are rare, but they exist, and being patient enough to trawl through the duds and obvious ripoffs will pay off in the end. THE DOWNSIDES Of course, there’s always a chance you’ll pay for a place that looks like a dream but turns out to be a Stephen-King-house-that-eats-you kind of joint. More likely you’ll find a nice, cheap place with friendly folks, which happens to be in the back end of nowhere, forcing a arduous trek into the city proper. Most listed places will have a corresponding map, so this is pretty easily avoided. Also, finding nice places can be pretty difficult in less-than-large cities, especially if you’re travelling outside of America and Europe. Most vacation rental sites require you to subscribe, but the best and biggest ones are free, and include ratings and comments systems that help you steer clear of obvious unsavoury types and potential sexual predators. PLANNING AHEAD There’s no excuse for not planning ahead. A handy little tool known as the Interweb enables you to plan your trip to the nth degree, so you should at least be able to book your main stops in advance. Vacation rental sounds informal, but rules do exist; all but the dodgiest places require a deposit, so if you don’t have a credit or debit card that lets you shop online, stop being 15 and get one. Hosts like security and often give discounts for bookings made well in advance. If you’re travelling at a quiet time of year, booking your next bed in an internet café will be enough, but expect to pay a little more than you would otherwise. Rocking up with your bags at 3am and begging for a room is a relic of a bygone era; it barely worked for Joseph and Mary, and it won’t for you. Whether you do it yourself or coax an easily manipulable friend into doing it for you, a little planning goes a long way.

TRAVEL BULL_01_AB_v4.indd 33

15/02/11 12:29 PM

BULL USUONLINE.COM FASHION

t is true that Sydney University students dress exceptionally well. Watching the traffic down Eastern Avenue is just like being in the front row of a preview of the coolest Spring fashion lines. Here at Sydney Uni, we believe fashion is not vapid and superficial! It’s a deep and meaningful creative expression of self. To keep out of the fashion ‘don’ts’ it would be a good idea to plan your outfits well in advance. Here are the few suggestions of looks/ identities you may want to experiment with.

The look

Campus Fashion Trends BOHO SHEIK WHERE TO SHOP: Op shops on King St. STAPLES: Vintage leather bag, maxi skirts, shift dresses, ill-fitting blouses, large and loud 80s style jumpers, floral patterns, brogues, a dirty looking hair do.

THE ‘TRENDOID’ WHERE TO SHOP: Anywhere where the sales attendants don’t pay you any attention i.e. Oxford St, Paddington. STAPLES: Loose tops and designer skinny jeans, straight-off-the-runway trends, statement pieces, perfect styling required.

150 YEARS OF THE SUIT

PREPPY WHERE TO SHOP: In retail shops where shoppers don’t need to look at price tags. STAPLES: Popping the collar, polo shirts, khaki pants, an Italian leather belt, designer loafers, pearls, striped shirts, designer hand bag; an affiliation with Sydney law school.

THE ‘COLLEGIAN’ WHERE TO SHOP: N/A STAPLES: Stubby shorts, Canterbury jersey, thongs in any season, track pants, plain Ts and singlet tops.

FASHION BULL_01_AB_v4.indd 34

The lounge suit has been a staple of the sophisticated man’s wardrobe for so long that it can rightly be considered timeless. But if any of those dapper gentlemen were to pause to wonder how old the trusty suit is, they might be surprised to learn the answer: 150.Yes, 2011 in addition to being the Year of the Rabbit and the International Year of Forests is also the sesquicentenary of this menswear classic. The antecedents of the suit are contentious. Are suit pants derived from long cavalry pantaloons or cossack overalls? Is the jacket a military coat with the collar turned down or sporty jacket with vents for ease of riding a horse? All these suggestions of the suit’s origins have been made though none are certain. Which makes the 150th anniversary seem a bit...arbitrary...contrived? Well, that’s fashion. After so many years of dapper dominance: what now for the suit? Scientists are developing many new uses for clothing; soon they’ll be able to recharge batteries by capturing energy expended through movement or constantly monitor your heart rate. But this seems far too functional a fate for the showy suit. Maybe suits will never reach higher heights than Barney Stinson’s ode ‘Nothing Suits Me Like a Suit’. Our guess? We’ll get plenty more wear out of them as long as they keep coming with spare buttons. Here’s to 150 more.

15/02/11 12:29 PM

ISSUE 01 FOOD & BOOZE

RESTAURANT REVIEW

Wild, Wild West KIRA SPUCYS-TAHAR WELCOMES YOU TO THE WORLD OF GUNSLINGIN’ OUTLAWS RADIATING SOUTHERN CHARM - SHADY PINES SALOON.

As our gang wandered the long and arduous road from Stanley to Crown Street, we could almost taste the liquor on our lips. We struggled to discover our destination - the tavern the townsfolk had told us so much about. And just when we thought we wouldn’t make it, a stranger stepped out of the shadows and asked with a drawl, “Are you looking for Shady Pines?” Behind the innocuous white front doors and the (shock!) friendly bouncers, enter the rough and tumble world of Cowboys and Indians. The concealed nature of the place exudes a secret, exciting element of danger. This is a whirlwind trip into the hipster scene without the hipsters; it’s kitsch but cool. The décor is like a cross between the lounge room of a zany old uncle and the set of a spaghetti western. There are rugs on the

concrete floor with strange standing lamps and sepia photographs. Cowhides adorn the walls and taxidermied animals are aplenty (including an eerie stuffed squirrel on the bar offering complimentary nuts). There is a small selection of suggested drinks, with house specialities - whisky, bourbon and a range of boutique beers. If it’s not on the menu, don’t be afraid to ask. The bartenders are happy to accommodate or test a tasty new concoction on an adoring public. We tried vodka with fresh apple juice ($7) which was light and summery. The cocktails include a classic whisky sour and the delicious and fresh mint julep (a mix of mint-infused sugar syrup, Wild Turkey whiskey, crushed ice and mint, $17). Pumping country music, this isn’t the place for a quiet D&M.You’ll hear hits you know from your parents record collection and those more modern pop-based. Named 2011 Bar of the Year by Sydney’s Time Out magazine, Shady Pines has the vibe of a scene straight out of HBO’s Deadwood. Dark, rough and just a little bit quirky. You’ll want to be found here, dead or alive. Shady Pines Saloon, Shop 5, 256 Crown St, Darlinghurst 2010.

FOOD AND BOOZE

Munchtime Specials

t the University of Sydney, you’ll always be able to find somewhere to tempt your taste buds and to get that caffeine fix to help you power through that next dry lecture or excruciating tutorial.

KIRA SPUCYS-TAHAR LOOKS AT THE A-Z OF WHAT YOU CAN SINK YOUR TEETH INTO ON CAMPUS.

USU COFFEE CARTS

MANNING BAR

HERMANN’S BAR

RALPH’S

TASTE

The USU’s coffee carts are handily found at various locations on campus including the Carslaw building and outside Fisher library. They provide all varieties of hot beverages and tasty snacks at reasonable, student-friendly prices.

Handily, Manning has its own delicious brand of barbeque. A drink on the balcony at sunset, with chips and a burger in hand, is the perfect way to start an afternoon. Trivia and Bingo are true highlights bringing strangers together in the pursuit of freebies.

A well-known watering hole of Engineering students, Hermann’s serves inexpensive pub-style grub and also plays host to a variety of weekly evening events including standup comedy.

This family-owned coffee shop is a University of Sydney institution. Located inside the Arena Sports Centre, Ralph’s makes 150 varieties of fresh focaccias every day. Don’t let cantankerous owner Ralph scare you away, the iced chocolate is deﬁnitely a specialty.

Featuring Campos coffee beans, a cult status coffee coveted by those in the know. Located in the New Law Annex, be prepared for a queue of the fashionable and the fashionably late. Come here for a delicious French pastry and a wink from one of the cute baristas.

AZZURI’S

COURTYARD CAFÉ

PARMA CUCINA

UNI BROTHERS KEBABS

MISO HONI

With an upstairs and downstairs, you’ll definitely find a cozy spot. Azzuri’s makes fantastic coffees and has a delectable range of muffins and chocolate brownies.

Holme Building sandwich makers of choice, you can build-your-own, which is always a plus for more picky eaters.

Delicious Italian pizza makes this café a lunchtime favourite but they do a mean morning latte as well. Parma is located next to the Jane Foss Russell building.

Did someone say Pide at Wentworth? Fast, friendly service and delicious – it’s a shame they’re not open after a night on the town.

Puntastic name aside,Miso Honi provides Asian style food at Manning, without the need to head to King Street or Glebe.

BULL_01_AB_v4.indd 35

15/02/11 12:30 PM

BULL USUONLINE.COM SPORT

Post Ashes aftermath

“Maybe our willingness to accept that our players are not eleven beer-swilling legends, who are effortlessly better than everyone else, is simply a result of several years of constant underachievement.”

ANTONY FAISANDER WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR A BAGGY GREEN - LITERALLY ANYTHING.

would kill a man. I would milk a bear. I would name my children Link and Zelda, and get breast implants on my head; anything for a baggy green. Recently, however, that particular piece of our national heritage has taken something of a knock – and frankly I don’t know what to do about it.

After Australia’s recent Ashes defeat, the sporting media went hunting for witches. However, the reaction of both press and public was surprisingly measured, especially in regard to judgement about the players themselves. Personnel changes throughout the series had little effect, and it seemed that most people were willing to concede that our problems could not be solved by a waiting host of prodigies – crucially, we recognised that Australian cricket is suffering from broader, systemic issues. Some of the more fanciful commentators, such as the ever-provocative Peter Roebuck, were often quite happy to assign our current malaise to a kind of post-colonial, generational meta-narrative. The on-field struggle was framed in terms of Imperial relations, and Australia’s weakness was a result of cricket’s growing irrelevance as a tool of national self-definition. I don’t necessarily buy that argument, in that it’s a massive load of wank. I certainly think that Australia has broadened its interests and stacked up its achievements, and cricket is no longer our means of getting back at the world. Perhaps I am in a shrinking minority of people who would make the cranial-bosoms-for-baggy-green trade. But it is simplistic to say that our success in the arts or in industry will necessarily erode our success on the sports-field.

SPORT BULL_01_AB_v4.indd 36

If you exclude those writers, then the perception of the cricket hive-mind seems to be steered by one over-arching point: the team is no longer (if it ever was) limited to eleven players and a drinks-guy. Never before have we heard so many mentions of state and national administrators, sponsor interference and unreasonable scheduling. The logic seems to go that sport touts itself as a business, and thus should be treated as one. As a result, all levels of playing, coaching, selection and administrative staff were, really, a touch unsatisfactory. The selectors were blamed for picking untried batsmen and a depressingly green set of spin options, but nobody could really think of better alternatives. Cricket Australia was set upon pimping out our players to limited-overs competitions, but nobody tried to pretend that they actually went to watch first-class or first-grade cricket. The coach was criticised, but nobody even knows what he really does, so there was an obvious cap on the spite that could be directed at him. The obvious arguments were wheeled out regarding the remuneration of the players, but while it’s obviously absurd that somebody can get paid over a million dollars to hit a ball, there weren’t the kind of frenzied calls for pay-cuts and mass-sackings that have accompanied our past failures at the game. From another perspective, maybe our willingness to accept that our players are not eleven beer-swilling legends, who are effortlessly better than everyone else, is simply a result of several years of underachievement. Maybe we’ve become jaded. Personally, I prefer to think that we’ve matured, and that our love of the game (while as intense as ever) has become tempered by a commitment to genuine analysis and common-sense, over the need for unnecessary trash talk. And maybe being gracious at losing is just as important as winning the game in the end anyway.

15/02/11 12:30 PM

ISSUE 01 SCIENCE SCIENC & TECH

Return of the mammoth EMMA COWAN DOES SOME DIGGING

n an ambitious quest of genetic engineering, Japanese researchers are attempting to revive the extinct woolly mammoth within the next five years. With their shaggy hair, eight-tonne body mass and huge, protruding tusks, woolly mammoths haven’t wandered the earth since the last Ice Age, around 10,000 years ago. However, with the help of cloning technology and inspiration from the Jurassic Park blockbusters, scientists hope to restore the extinct species to its former glory and in the process, clarify the cause of their extinction. Using mammoth flesh preserved in Siberian permafrost, the scientists will extract cell nuclei

before transplanting it into an egg cell of an elephant. If successful, the resulting woolly mammoth embryo will then be inserted into an elephant’s womb for a gestation of 600 days – and voila! – a relic of prehistory will live once more. Despite the Japanese team’s progress, other scientists have dismissed the undertaking as something of a pipe-dream. As Australian DNA researcher Michael Bunce told Cosmos Magazine, “Just because we know the DNA code… does not mean we can genetically tinker with it to the extent required to recreate extinct organisms”. Issues with the size of the mammoth compared to its elephant mother, the reaction of the host mother’s immune system to an alien embryo and the mammoth’s ability to resist present-day pathogens are also likely to inhibit the project. There are ethical stumbling blocks as well. The prospect of a lone, mate-less giant dredged up from the abyss of extinction has all the hallmarks of a Frankenstein-like tragedy, minus the opposable thumbs. The scientist leading the project, Professor Akira Iritani, warned, “we need to discuss, before transplanting it into the womb, how to breed [the mammoth] and whether to display it to the public”. On a brighter note, this project could pave the way for the resurrection of other, more recently-extinct species such as the dodo and our own Tasmanian tiger.

REVIEW: W:

Limewire Pirate Edition

ALEX MCKINNON

When Limewire was shut down in October last year, it opened a hole in many hearts. Cheapskate music lovers were left with a choice between largescale download sites like BitTorrent and the horrific reality of having to pay for music. About a month later, however, the void left by Limewire’s sudden absence was filled by…Limewire. A new, pirated version of Limewire appeared for free download on torrent sites and has taken off, thus proving two important life maxims; that the music industry is now our bitch, and that even when they win in court, bitches ain’t shit. Limewire Pirate Edition looks and feels exactly like its landlubber counterpart; there are absolutely no noticeable changes in layout or functionality. If you know how to use Limewire, you’re set. Nothing’s been added, but what’s been removed makes a world of difference. The original Limewire was a lot like a miracle drug; it did exactly what you wanted, but it came with a lot of nasty side-effects that left you feeling a bit off. It came with a whole load of spyware and adware, as well as a bunch of toolbars and other rubbish that slowed your computer down and generally made music for nothing a less-than-magical experience. The pirate edition strips all that away, leaving you with everything you need and nothing you don’t. Viruses still abound in song searches, but if you actually think that “CALLING DOCTOR JONES REMIX WIN AN IPHONE 4” is your gateway to sweet, sweet Aqua goodness, you deserve what’s coming

SCIENCE & TECH BULL_01_AB_v4.indd 37

15/02/11 12:30 PM

BULL USUONLINE.COM ENTERTAINMENT

Getting Into the Biz ANNE WIDJAJA INVESTIGATES THE ENTERTAINMENT SCENE AT SYDNEY UNI.

YOU

f performing on stage is your life’s ambition, then Sydney Uni was a good choice. You’ll have bountiful opportunities to entertain to your heart’s (or audience’s) desire. As a testament to the USU’s student entertainment programs, many have even extended their degrees to the limit of university policy to stay involved, delaying their inevitable exposure to the real world of struggling performers-cum-part time waiters. Here’s just some (of many) ways you can get under the spotlights at Sydney Uni.

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ENTERTAINMENT THEATRE ANNA WESTBROOK

“Are you fresh out of coming first in HSC drama? Do you consider yourself an artistic aesthete? Do you wash regularly? Then Sydney University Dramatic Society (SUD) might not be for you. SUDS is for all ordinary people; dirty or just dirty talking. I joined SUDS in 2007, but never did anything about until 2009. After spending two years deliberating whether SUDS was for artistic recluses (French for ‘wankers’) or not, I decided to go to a meeting and see for myself. By the end of the meeting, I’d been asked to have the chance to direct a piece of theatre. By the end of the month, I’d directed and acted in that piece of theatre. By the end of the semester, I’d produced shows and had a whole new group of friends. By the end of the year, I remained un-wankerish and quite normal.” SUDS is the oldest continuous theatre company in Australia and produces more than 15 plays a year. Budding producers, actors, directors, techies, costume directors etc. are encouraged to get involved. Join the Facebook page to keep in the know or visit a SUDS Meeting, held every fortnight on Wednesday in The Cellar (Science Rd, underneath the Holme Building) at 1pm. All are welcome!

COMEDY NICK FISCHER “Look down. Hey! Where did your bag go? Look at my face. Well I didn’t do it! Look down again. Now you’re on fire. Sad stuff. Why do I do comedy at Sydney University you ask? It’s mostly to make friends and to get free stuff, like this sweet lady’s handbag I just found … What? This is your lady friend’s handbag? Pfft! well is her name ALISON?! It is? Ah… Well to that I say, I like your style.You’re exactly the kind of person I need for my company of comedy. You say there is no chance a thief like me could operate a successful company? Well it’s exactly

those kind of perceptive skills that have won you the job of vice-executive. Well done madam/ mister executive. What do you get? This lanyard I’m holding...if you can catch me, which will be hard seeing as I am already in Barbados.” Catch the laughs at improv extravaganza Theatresports at Manning Bar, 1pm every Thursday, and Project 52 comedy nights, 7:30pm Wednesdays at Hermann’s Bar. Also look out for the faculty Revue season in Semester Two, a rollick of comedy, music, dancing and occasional nudity on stage.

MUSIC OTTO “In high school there were only two student bands around, self-described as ‘Christian Rock’ or ‘Blackened Death Metal’. I arrived at Sydney Uni dazzled at the prospect of greener musical pastures. I was encouraged early on to dive in and get involved with all the great stuff available to the budding rocker (or post rocker). The annual USU Band Comp; the Wednesday afternoon acoustic sessions at Manning Bar; joining the bands for the Revues - all provide such happy memories now. From the chance to play to big audiences, to the triumphs and disappointments of the band comp, all were key experiences that I learned from. Amongst these cool events, this year a new music society called ‘Beat System’ is kicking off, which is going to hold weekly performance nights at Hermann’s, and is also trying to bring Sydney Uni musicians together. New bands are very welcome there, and indeed at most of the Union-run events. So what are you waiting for? From hipster-friendly synth to ambient sludge – if you’ve something unique to say, we’d love to hear it.” Sydney University Band Comp has launched the likes of The Vines, Cloud Control, Josh Pyke and Kyu. Check the USU website for more info. Also, to get involved with ‘Beat the System’ email beatthesystemmusic@gmail.com

15/02/11 12:30 PM

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15/02/11 12:31 PM

BULL USUONLINE.COM REVIEWS

REVIEWS CD HE WILL HAVE HIS WAY VARIOUS.

FILM THE KING’S SPEECH TOM HOOPER

TV OPRAH TV SPECIAL CHANNEL TEN

FILM THE TOURIST FLORIAN HENCKEL VON DONNERSMARK

Covers are tricky. Militant fans are usually convinced the original version was handed down on Mount Sinai, so HeWill Have HisWay is lucky that a bunch of artists getting together to cover Finn Brothers songs worked pretty well last time. The ingredients are all fine- an album featuring such a well-crafted lineup was never going to be an outright dog. The right balance is struck between heavyweights like Paul Kelly and talented up-and-comers like Philadelphia Grand Jury. Chris Cheney’s ‘Distant Sun’ is a powerful minimalist rocker, and Boy and Bear’s gorgeous male harmonics work wonders on ‘Fall at Your Feet’, but there are too many timid, by-the-numbers performances to justify doing all this again. Paul Dempsey relives his SfK days, Darren Hayes camps it up as he seems constitutionally obliged to, and Barnesy is… yeah, Barnesy. On top of that, there’s one song- just one- that destroys the whole enterprise. Luke Steele’s ‘Better Be Home Soon’ is just fucking awful, somewhere between eccy-fuelled rave mix and steaming pile of shit. It’s so bad there’s another cover of the same song by a different guy. Busby Marou saves your ears with an achingly sweet slice of summer pop, but it’s not enough. For devotees only.

Simply put, The King’s Speech is about a bloke and his mate trying to overcome a stammer. Well, mostly – there’s also the shadow of global fascism, the historical weight of the monarchy and the relationship between colonial and subject. But, really, it’s a story of friendship. The question is, is it a story of friendship that warrants its Oscar buzz? Kind of. On the acting front, Buckingham is certainly impressive. Though whilst Colin Firth’s King is enjoyable enough (concededly, he’s playing a guy with a stammer, so he’s almost guaranteed to take out Best Actor) it’s Geoffrey Rush that steals the show. When contrasted with Firth’s royal stoicism, Rush’s eccentric, Shakespeare-quoting therapist provides the film’s life and warmth. The development of this Odd Couple relationship, seen through their attempt to conquer the stutter, is a pleasure to watch. However, whilst I left the cinema satisfied, the film didn’t quite reach the heights expected from a Best Picture candidate. This might be a product of its pure Britishness – the movie is deliberately understated and builds very gradually to its climax. And, even then, the ending is predictable enough. The film’s joy (of which is considerable) is witnessing how Firth and Rush get there – of the friendship that cross lines of class, upbringing and, ultimately, personality.

It was a fitting irony that on the day the final Oprah special went to air in Sydney, a new survey found that residents of this city rated it the most un-liveable in Australia. But Oprah was having none of our jaded cynicism: her romp through Sydney was one of unbridled awe and celebration. All the usual suspects were wheeled out: poisonous snakes, boorish colloquialisms, Nicole Kidman. Oprah even threw a literal shrimp on a literal barbie. The worst moment may have come when Carrie Bickmore told the world that Australians like to gather in McCafes, which surely sent the foam flying out the mouths of latte-sippers from Darlinghurst to Fitzroy. Paired with shots of our PM’s red-brick Altona shack, there’s little chance of undoing Australia’s image as a backwater any time soon. If the flagrant PR stunt proved anything at all, it was the surreal power of Oprah herself. A highdef panorama of Oprah atop the Harbour Bridge is a marketing bonanza worth well more than the $4 million we paid to lure her here. It was camp, kitsch and embarrassing – but it gave Sydney something to smile about, and the chance to look good in front of 40 million Americans. We’ll be right, mate.

The Tourist begins with Elise (Angelina Jolie) receiving and burning a note in a Parisian café. The note is from her former lover and wanted fraudster, Alexander Pearce, instructing her to head to Venice. As Scotland Yard have Interpol pursue her across Europe, she meets Frank Tupelo (Johnny Depp), an unlikely tourist from America, whom she ensnares in Pearce’s plans. After the pair arrive in Venice, Frank learns that Pearce is a fugitive, that powerful underworld figure Reginald Shaw (Steven Berkoff) is after him and that both parties now suspect Frank of being Pearce. From this almost interesting beginning, The Tourist never really gains momentum. The opening scenes in Venice sag and the film proceeds sluggishly towards what is ultimately a limp climax. For a thriller, director Florian Henckel von Donnersmark fails to create captivating suspense. For a drama, the dialogue is uninspiring, the character development lacking and the viewer is left with little more than a predictable plot to walk away with. The Tourist at least captures arguably the world’s most beautiful woman at the height of her charm and magnetism. Jolie’s pout aside, however, The Tourist is ultimately unsatisfying.

MICHAEL KOZIOL

SEBASTIAN WELLER

ALEX MCKINNON

SHAUN CROWE

BULL_01_AB_v4.indd 40

15/02/11 12:31 PM

ISSUE 01 REVIEWS

BOOK

Imperial Bedrooms Bret Easton Ellis In the sequel to his standout debut novel Less than Zero, Bret Easton Ellis revisits his cast of selfish narcissistic teens 25 years later. The intervening years have made them older but not wiser, with opportunities to reiterate selfdestructive patterns as they tend inevitably to cynicism and nihilism. Clay has returned to L.A from Hollywood to cast actors in the film he wrote. Blair is engaged to gay Trent but still half in love with (or at least entirely angry at) Clay. And Julian Wells, who prostituted himself out in the first novel, is now pimping out struggling actors desperate for a break. Clay pursues Rain Turner, an untalented but pretty actress who wants a part in his movie, but this sexually exploitative and unromantic affair goes bad when he learns about her mysterious past and dangerous entanglement with the other characters. The novel has many aspects of a thriller, the noir-ish bent developed in the plot as Clay is tailed by an anonymous stalker and haunted both by the ghost of the boy that lived in his apartment and continuous references to the grizzly murder of a young actor he knew. No spoilers as to the ending, but suffice to say Easton Ellis’ penchant for disturbing sexual violence is well exercised. Oh,

and it’s not happily ever after either in case you were wondering. The style and execution of the novel is superb. Simultaneously engrossing and repulsive, the novel is so unrelentingly bleak that readers suffer in parallel with the deeply flawed and disturbed characters that Easton Ellis sketches with such ease. A sense of claustrophobia pervades, as events move quickly and Clay is unable to heed warnings to avoid Rain. Fans of Easton Ellis will undoubtedly love this offering, in particular because it complements its predecessor perfectly. The novel opens with Clay describing his reaction to the novel and film versions of Less than Zero and his relationship to its narrator, adding a layer of complexity to the decision to reopen these characters lives. One criticism, however, is the unoriginal way in which the thriller element is developed through clichés such as Clay being followed by a mysterious car, and this is one respect in which the novel is more reminiscent of Easton Ellis’ worst writing (Lunar Park) rather than best (American Psycho). Not for the faint hearted. Intense.

PAUL KARP

Knopf Doubleday Publishing

My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy Kanye West

Roc-A-Fella Records

BULL_01_AB_v4.indd 41

If anything was going to overshadow the infamy of Kanye West’s douchebag notoriety, it would be his own musical genius. Kanye’s fifth album, My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy, takes the hip hop genre where it has never been before and marks the peak of his career so far. The thirteen track album layers hip hop tracks and RnB hooks with bizarre electro noises, guitar rock riffs, soaring choruses, pretty piano riffs and dramatic samples. To add to this eclectic mix of styles, the album features a musical all-star lineup of contributors. RnB gem ‘All of the Lights’ had help from Rihanna, Fergie, Alicia Keys, La Roux, and even features a piano solo by Elton John. The diversity of styles also compliments Kanye’s expert raps, laced with pop culture references and effortlessly witty rhymes. From references to Kings of Leon (“I’m the King of Leon-a Lewis”) to 30 Rock, Kanye’s pick-nmix style lyrics are as sharp as ever. Not to

think Kanye has abandoned his roots, ‘Monster’ proves that he can still earn his worth as a hip hop artist. Nicki Minaj and Jay-Z command the song with their bursting verses, and despite the appearance of the soppy Bon Iver on this track, ‘Monster’ is in-your-face rap arrogance at its best. However, the highlight of the album is undeniably ‘Runaway’. An eight minute epic featuring Pusha T’s smooth vocals, this song feels impressively heartfelt. The combination of the simple piano melody, string section, and kazoo synth in the bridge... songs are rarely constructed more perfectly than this. Love him or hate him, Kanye should be praised for injecting a bit of cross-genre personality into the pop charts. If he keeps making music this captivating, when Kanye speaks, the world will continue to listen. And I’m sure he wouldn’t have it any other way.

ANNE WIDJAJA

15/02/11 12:31 PM

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ISSUE 01 MINDGAMES

CROSSWORD 1

6 7

10 11 12

18 19 20

EASY SUDOKU

4 1

ACROSS

DOWN

1 - Attack another country aggressively (6) 3 - Covers with water droplets (6) 7 - Allaying hostility (9) 9 - Pain (8) 10 - Songbird (4) 12 - Promised (5) 13 - Nearby (5) 17 - Dull colour (4) 18 - Types of warships (8) 20 - Frighten (9) 21 - Single celled organism (6) 22 - Ancient (3-3)

1 - ___ Staunton: Dolores Umbridge in Harry Potter (6) 2 - Abandoned (8) 4 - Bucket (4) 5 - Plant stems (6) 6 - Tactless and very bold (5) 7 - Fraudulent (9) 8 - Ensure (9) 11 - Startling (8) 14 - Republic once ruled by Idi Amin (6) 15 - The Hunter (constellation) (5) 16 - Eg Iceland or Australia (6) 19 - Dull (4)

6 9

3 4 8 9 2 5

5 2 6 9

5 8 1 3

4 1 9 6 7 8

4 2 9 3

CALCUDOKU

WORD PYRAMID

12x

Single number Facial feature

200x

18x

Start of Verse form Mental strain Impudent Bankrupt

10+ 2-

15+

12x

10+ 10+

MINDGAMES BULL_01_AB_v4.indd 43

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15/02/11 12:31 PM

ISSUE 01 THE BULL PEN

THE BULL PEN

P Pissing off to Europe: the knob’s guide ALEX MCKINNON GOES CONTINENTAL.

issing off to Europe is perhaps the finest thing a young student can do before they graduate into the mind-crushing superannuation factory that is the workplace.Your trip to Europe will be a life-changing, seminal experience - an odyssey of spiritual awakening, cultural enlightenment and inebriated debauchery. It also gives you the best chance you’ll ever have in your life to act like the pretentious, insufferable knob you are without fear of alienating your friends and acquaintances. Here, then, is the definitive guide to how you can realise your full knobbish potential.

JULIAN ASSANGE A rare exception to the ‘Australia = bad’ rule is Wikileaks founder Julian Assange, CIA codename ‘Anaemic Platypus’. Mr Assange’s efforts in publicising conﬁdential government documents have won him legions of rapturous supporters, about one in 9,000 of whom have actually looked at the Wikileaks website, while his release of the names of Afghan supporters of American forces triggered what mujahedeen cells everywhere termed: ‘duck season’. Assange even won the unlikely support of former Prime Minister John Howard, who no doubt identiﬁed with Assange’s disregard for the lives of innocent brown people in pursuit of an ideological agenda. When in Europe, be sure to loudly proclaim claim your solidarityy with Assange’s e’s libertarian ideals eals whilst ignoring ng that last bit.

BULL_01_AB_v4.indd 45

The first thing to remember is that you, as a knob, are destined to be a great writer someday. Thus, like Che Guevara and his Motorcycle Diaries, it is necessary for you to keep a journal of your travels so that when you become a household name, future generations of knobs can read your words and be similarly inspired to piss off to Europe in search of enlightenment. Before you leave, be sure to buy a Moleskine journal in which to record your profound musings. Notebooks vaguely like modern Moleskines were used by the likes of überknobs Oscar Wilde and Vincent van Gough, so it’s important you give your outpourings of literary genius a proper home. The best way to ensure quality journal updates is to buy a beret or flatcap and spend at least two hours a day sitting on a café terrace, gazing into middle distance and nursing an espresso that you occasionally stir with your pen. If you neglect to be completely scrupulous in updating your journal, don’t be discouraged - a scribbled sentence about being totally wasted in Bruges will be all you need to kick start your literary synapses when you dig the journal out of the wasteland of your room four months later to pen your understated, avant-garde masterpiece. Speaking of avant-garde, as every knob knows, Europe is the birthplace of all things

sophisticated and cosmopolitan. To the untrained eye, this would present a nearinsurmountable obstacle for any Australian traveller looking to score some Continental strange, as Europeans invariably regard anything from the Anglosphere as irredeemably boorish. As a knob, however, you can prove your elegance and worldliness in one fell swoop by constantly telling any Europeans you meet how superior their country’s coffee, nightlife, theatre, architecture, history and political situation is compared with Australia. Open by lamenting how the barbarity of your homeland crushed your delicate spirit and stunted your creative potential, follow up with a harrowing tale of an encounter with some drunken bogans on a Friday night on George Street and finish with a declaration that you finally feel ‘at home’ in Europe, and of your intent to move there if the Coalition wins the next election.Your new European friend will be enraptured. Rest easy in the knowledge that this cunning ploy has not been already used by thousands of your compatriot predecessors. However, do not think their agreement on Australia’s inadequacies is licence to reciprocate. It is not recommended that you mention Nicholas Sarkozy’s expulsion of gypsies to a Frenchman, the rise of far-right groups in the Netherlands or Sweden, or anything relating to Silvio Berlusconi whilst in Italy, although you may express dismayed agreement if your European acquaintance complains about them first. Above all, Europe is the grounds for your coming-of-age, the experience that allows you to unfold your wings and become a modern, twenty-first century knob. Bearing that in mind, be sure to take every opportunity to get blind drunk, bail up strangers with a sob story about an awkward breakup and collapse in front of a foreign embassy. Go forth, ye knob, and prosper.

15/02/11 12:32 PM

BULL USUONLINE.COM CAUGHT ON CAMPUS

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FRIDAY 28 OCTOBER 2010 END OF SEMESTER HALLOWEEN PARTY

he 2010 Uni year ended in ghoulish fashion, with a Halloween dress up party at Hermann’s Bar. Toilet paper mummies, angels and demons alike came together to celebrate the incoming holidays by dancing about on the huge dragon jumping castle.

CAUGHT ON CAMPUS WHAT’S THE TIME?

TIME TO DANCE THERE ARE EASIER WAYS TO EAT APPLES

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15/02/11 12:32 PM

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15/02/11 12:40 PM