BULL Magazine 2013 Issue 4 by BULL Magazine

BEING GAY IN CANBERRA DYING ONLINE 17 ALCOHOLISM ON CAMPUS 28 CLASS OF 2013

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GAY PARENTS

RETHINKING THE STEREOTYPE

ISSUE 04, 2013

END OF SEMESTER

THURSDAY 30 MAY 7PM – LATE, MANNING BAR

Entry is FREE with Access / $5 General Happy Hour from 7-8pm

www.usuonline.com facebook.com/USUAccess

ISSUE 04 CONTENTS

GAY PARENTS

EDITORS Felix Donovan Eleanor Gordon-Smith Diana Pham John Rowley Lane Sainty Kate Wilcox usubullmag@gmail.com CONTRIBUTORS Fredrik Ahlberg, Alisha Aitken-Radburn, Eden Caceda, James Carter, Flora Grant, Madeleine Gray, Freya Jansens, Jamie Kennedy, Michael Koziol, Jorge Nevas, Robert North, NSA Now, Adam Page, Sharmaine Spencer, Peter Stone, Zanda Wilson, Hanna Wright PUBLICATIONS MANAGER Louisa Stylian DESIGN MANAGER Jeanette Kho

BEING GAY IN CANBERRA

DYING ONLINE

ALCOHOLISM ON CAMPUS

CLASS OF 2013

DESIGN Carl Ahearn Nina Bretnall Simon Macias WWW.USUONLINE.COM

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FACEBOOK.COM/USUBULLMAGAZINE

The views in this publication are not necessarily the views of USU. The information contained within this edition of BULL was correct at the time of printing. This publication is brought to you by the University of Sydney Union ISSUE 04, 2013

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What’s On Columns News Interview When I Grow Up Food & Booze Travel Campus Chatter Fashion Health Science & Tech My Week Without Reviews Club Hub Shutter Up Stop. Puzzletime Bullshit

04 06 07 15 21 22 23 24 35 36 37 39 40 43 44 45 46

CONTENTS

BULL USUONLINE.COM WHAT’S ON

WHAT’S ON MON

EXAMS (JUNE)

STUVAC (JUNE)

WK 13 (JUNE)

WK 12 (MAY)

TUE

FOR THE FULL CALENDAR OF EVENTS – HEAD TO USUONLINE.COM AND CLICK THE CALENDAR. CLUBS AND SOCS – REMEMBER TO SUBMIT YOUR EVENTS ON THE WEBSITE!

WED

FINE ARTS SOC GAMES NIGHT

THU 30

END OF SEMESTER ONESIE PARTY

7pm, Manning Bar

5pm, Isabel Fidler

FRI 31

DISNEY BALL

6pm, Hotel CBD

THE UPBEATS

8pm, Manning Bar

EPISOC COCKTAIL CLASS

KAMELOT

DIVIDERS

5pm, Blacksheep Newtown

8pm, Manning Bar

DJ COMP NSW FINAL

THE BELLRAYS

7pm, The Loft UTS

8pm, Manning Bar

BORIS

8pm, Manning Bar

ISSUE 04 WHAT’S ON

EVERY WEEK MONDAY-FRIDAY

TOP PICKS END OF SEMESTER ONESIE PARTY

MONDAYS

Thursday 30 May 2013 7pm, Manning Bar

SOLO SESSIONS

We are celebrating the end of semester with a onesie party, as voted by you via the USU Facebook page. If you are one of the few Sydney Uni students to not already own a onesie, head to Manning Bar as soon as you can as they have set up a onesie shop to help get people into theme.

1-2pm, Manning Bar

SCHOOL TUTORING

3-6pm, International Student Lounge

MOVIE NIGHT

WEDNESDAYS SCHOOL TUTORING

3-6pm, International Student Lounge

6pm, International Student Lounge

$3.50 DRINKS

4-6pm, Hermann’s Bar

TUESDAYS

9am-3pm, Eastern Avenue

5-6pm, Manning Bar

12-3pm, Manning Bar

ROCK YA BALLS BINGO

5-6pm, Manning Bar

HERMANN’S TRIVIA

1-2pm, Hermann’s Bar

GET UP! STAND UP! COMEDY

1-2pm, Manning Bar

PROJECT 52 COMEDY

7.30-10.30pm, Hermann’s Bar

Access FREE, General $5

BEAT THE SYSTEM

MANNING TRIVIA

TUESDAY TV

To get the party started, there will be a happy hour from 7-8pm and free hot chips for the first 50 people through the door.

4pm, International Student Lounge

1pm, Eastern Ave

3pm, International Student Lounge

THEATRESPORTS® 1-2pm, Manning Bar

POOL COMPETITION

FORTNIGHTLY MARKETS

WEEKLY FUNCH (FUN @ LUNCH)

AUSTRALIAN DISCUSSION GROUP

THURSDAYS

5-10pm, Hermann’s Bar

FRIDAYS DJS

4-7pm, Manning Bar

$3.50 DRINKS

4-6pm, Hermann’s Bar

TIKI FRIDAYS 5-8pm, Manning Bar

LIVE BANDS

7-11pm, Hermann’s Bar

twitter.com/manningbar facebook.com/manningbarsydney

31 MAY

2 JUN

6 JUN

COMING UP

THE UPBEATS ALBUM LAUNCH

7 JUN

ROCK N ROLL ALTERNATIVE MARKETS

8 JUN

+ K+LAB + ANALOG MC (LIVE) + KOBRA KAI + MORE

KAMELOT (USA/SWEDEN)

+ AVARIN + HEMINA

FRI JUN 21 - BORIS (JAPAN) SAT JUN 22 - I KILLED THE PROM QUEEN + HOUSE VS HURRICANE + BURIED IN VERONA + SAVIOUR FRI JULY 12 - FRENZAL RHOMB SAT JUL 20 - BLEEDING THROUGH (USA) + MAKE THEM SUFFER

EVIL INVADERS V

+FEAT. MIDNIGHT (USA) + PORTAL + NOCTURNAL GRAVES + MORE

EVIL INVADERS V

FEAT. SADISTIC INTENT (USA) + ARCHGOAT (FINLAND) + CAULDRON

14 JUN

THE BELLRAYS (USA)

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COLUMNS

EDITORS’ NOTE FELIX, ELEANOR, DIANA, JOHN, LANE & KATE

Dear Readers, As Semester One draws to an end we’re all bleary eyed and crankier than a platypus in a dry riverbed. A semester break after Week 4 left us with a solid nine weeks of uninterrupted classes, far too much for a demographic used to being on holiday for over one third of the year.You could call us up shit creek without a paddle; you could say we’re on Struggle Street. So in this issue, we bring to you some of the struggles of other people, so you can forget that essay that’s been plaguing you for weeks, and the fact you haven’t slept in days. We bring to you the struggle of ‘Gaybies’, children of gay parents who want dignity and recognition for their modern families. We also went on a journey to the nation’s capital, and chatted to gay Canberrans about their struggle to find somebody to love in a sea with very few fish. We’ve logged on to find the profiles of recently-dead Facebook users and their loved ones’ struggle to move on. We spoke to some brave and desperate students who struggle to control their drinking around campus bars, and we look at class struggle in Australia. How does it compare to the class system in Britain, and what’s happening in the next generation? Like a koala with Chlamydia, we thought we should share our struggle with others. We hope you identify, or at least enjoy the distraction. BULL x

PRESIDENT’S DESK ASTHA RAJVANSHI.

This year, we saw the largest number of candidates running to govern Australia’s oldest and largest student organisation – the USU. This is a great sign of our efforts to increase student participation in elections. Congratulations to all the candidates who bravely put their names down to run this year. To the successful six new Board Directors, all the best for your USU journey ahead – it’s going to be a rollercoaster ride but one you will enjoy. To the students who voted – thanks for showing your support and for having a say in how your student experience is governed. Also, a big thank you to the Election Team, especially Jo Morrison, Miiko Kumar and Louisa Stylian, for ensuring this year’s election was diverse, widespread and larger than ever. From my experience, the chance of an election promise turning into action depends on whether it is something the USU can influence directly, such as programs, events, student spaces or commercial operations. Once elected, Directors try to reconcile their promises with the role of a Director: overseeing the strategic, financial and operational direction of the USU. Sometimes, there’s not enough time in their two-year term to ensure everything happens, but they certainly pave the way forward. Finally, the candidates participated in a soapbox during the first week of elections where I had the opportunity to ask them questions about their policies and understanding of the USU. I was surprised to see that there are some common misconceptions regarding recent events and the USU, and I hope to clear them now: • USU Board approved a motion to support the NTEU’s campaign for a fair enterprise bargaining agreement, and to use the USU’s media channels to give information on the strike. USU carried out these resolutions through our Facebook page, USU Board Blog and Twitter. • USU proudly recognises the important role Indigenous students play in the wider student community, and reaffirms this through programs such as our Indigenous Festival, and providing Access cards to all Indigenous undergraduates. • USU Board aims to be transparent and has several initiatives in place like open board meetings, member forums, USU Board blog and Twitter.

STUDENT LEADER DIARY

RHYS POGNOSKI, BRIGID DIXON AND ZACHARY THOMPSON ON BEING PART OF THE 2012-2013 EXECUTIVE. All USU Board Directors tend to recount their experience as “the most challenging thing they’ve done (after campaigning)”. Being an Exec member is exactly that, with the volume up full throttle. We are always on call and involved in a juggling act of uni, work, other commitments and (maybe) a social life. We work together as a team, conducting our duties in a dynamic of four, in constant contact with each other, the Board and USU staff. We’ve learnt the importance of sifting the little stuff from the big stuff, although sometimes it’s hard to let go of things in an organisation you care about so much. On paper, the Vice Prez runs around helping the Prez, the Hon Treas is in charge of the finance and the Hon Sec is responsible for C&S and Annual Dinner plans. In reality it’s been a mixture of directing strategy, drafting communications, handling complaints, liaising with stakeholders, organising interview panels and attending the many USU events on offer to support fellow students.

ISSUE 04 NEWS

1 ONESIE PARTY WON USU’S FACEBOOK PARTY COMP. 2 RE-O DAY 2013 IS SET FOR 31 JULY. 3 MATTY THE BIKE DOCTOR IS LOCATED IN MANNING. 1

END OF SEMESTER

ThuRSDay 30 May 8pM – laTE, MaNNiNg BaR

Entry is FREE with access / $5 general Free hot chips for the first 50 people in on the night! Happy Hour from 8-9pm

NEWS www.usuonline.com

facebook.com/USUAccess

ENTRIES NOW OPEN FOR VERGE AWARDS 2013

Our annual competition celebrating creative talent is back again. If you have a passion for photography, a verve for visual arts, are a literary wiz or are mad for music, you need to enter our Verge Awards. The Verge Awards 2013 are your chance to exhibit your creative talent in Verge Gallery and place you in the running to win over $15,000 worth in prizes. Register now at usuonline.com/vergeawards

BEST OF REVUES SHOWCASE On Wednesday 08 and Thursday 09 May, the USU premiered its 2012 Best of Revues showcase. For the first time ever, the best sketches and musical numbers from the 2012 season appeared in a stellar compilation show as part of the Sydney Comedy Festival. Both

nights saw great performances and the show received accolades, applause and laughter from the audience. A big thanks to our talented cast and crew for making the show such a success!

RE-O DAY 2013 STALL REGISTRATION If you loved O-Week 2013 and want to be a part of all the fun and craziness again, Re-O Day 2013 C&S registrations are now open. Re-O Day is a great chance for all clubs and societies to sign up students who start their studies mid-semester. This year Re-O Day will run from 10am-4pm on Wednesday 31 July along Eastern Avenue. Stall spaces are limited and registrations are essential. To register for a stall, email e.madden@usu.usyd.edu.au by Sunday 30 June.

USU’S BIKE DOCTOR For all you cyclists on campus, we are happy to announce the addition of our very own Bike Doctor. Matty (The Bike Doctor) offers everything from brake and gear tuning ($30) to a full service ($100). To arrange an appointment, Matty can be contacted at 0438 463 636 or can be found between the courtyard behind Manning and the hockey square. He also offers Access Cardholders 15% off all services.

pulled a massive crowd of 1300 to Manning Bar. Asking students to vote for their favourite theme via Facebook has proved to be a surefire way to throw an amazing party. Recently you voted for a onesie party where everyone will don their finest onesie and dance the night away on Manning’s dance floor. To be part of the fun, grab your onesie and come to Manning Bar at 8pm on Thursday 30 May.

FACEBOOK PARTIES Lately, we have taken to social media to find out what you want. We post a poll on Facebook with some themes and let our audience vote for their favourite. Our first winning theme, Thrift Shop, followed Mackelmore’s song winning triple j’s Hottest 100 and

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SAME LOVE

MICHAEL KOZIOL EXPLORES CANBERRA’S GAY SCENE.

ne of the worst nights of my life took place in Cube, Canberra’s solitary gay bar. A generous assessment might chalk 50 per cent of that up to circumstance and 50 per cent to surroundings. As my friends hooked up in the corner, I complemented envy with liquor, but there was not enough booze in the whole club to make anyone there look attractive or to make me feel as such. The square disco floor was a prison and the leather beds (not couches) a fairly mocking reminder of what was not to be. Outside I was harassed by street-dwellers who just wanted someone to talk to, but despite my best efforts I was still too sober to oblige. Sucking the last of the hotel mini bar dry seemed like a fitting way to end, at five in the morning, what may have been a quintessential Canberra experience.

That our nation’s capital is probably a bad place to be gay might be intuitive. It’s hard to find anyone with a nice word to say about this overgrown country town, with its sparseness, its famous winters, its cultural depravity and its very poor standard of Asian food. Lake Burley Griffin at sunset might be its most redeeming feature, for the apolitical at least. Nobody, I dare say, is going to nominate Cube for that honour. This story is haunted by the ghost of a friend who found it difficult to find love in Canberra. Although he did not want to take part in this story, it was his fading optimism – and an almost imperceptible sadness – that inspired it. And it quickly became clear he was far from alone. Daniel* had made his point before I even met him. In my search for people to talk to for this story, I asked two Canberran friends for their suggestions. Both gave me Daniel’s number.When they say this is a small town, they really mean it. “People know everyone else really,” he tells me. “The last time I went out it was, like, ‘oh, there’s my friend’s ex who I really dislike’,

ISSUE 04 9 FEATURE

‘oh, there’s that really creepy guy who wants to fuck me bareback’, ‘oh, there’s that guy who I flirted with earlier who turned out to be straight’.” Daniel and I are talking on a stunning Anzac Day afternoon at the Essen Café, in a lively laneway abutting Garema Place that I once heard described as “Canberra’s Degreaves St”, a comparison which should have Melbournians choking on their skim macchiatos. He has to be at the airport in a couple of hours – he’s going home to Melbourne, the city he left straight after high school to study chemistry and maths at the Australian National University. Lots of young people – students and graduates – come here looking to lay the foundations of their lives. Few come here because they’re gay, but for many it coincides with an opportunity to leave behind a shackled past, a disapproving family, a sheltered life – and begin anew. Daniel came out to his best friends in the ninth grade and to everyone, parents included, by year 12. His mother and father were supportive and he notched up his first

boyfriend while at Melbourne High. But the lure of full independence was still strong enough to carry him 660km to ANU, living at the muchmaligned Unilodge in first year before moving outward to the suburb of Bruce. “THE PROBLEM Canberra is a surprisingly spread-out WITH BEING A GAY city, but its population of 370,000 is small. Statistically the gay community MAN IS YOUR FRIENDS might be 10 per cent of that, and WILL ALSO BE YOUR furthermore, people at ANU tend to socialise with other people from POTENTIAL SEX PARTNERS ANU and public servants hang out AND HAVE RELATIONSHIPS – with public servants. PARTICULARLY IN CANBERRA – “The problem with being a gay man is your friends will also WITH YOUR SEXUAL PARTNERS, be your potential sex partners and SO IT JUST BECOMES ONE have relationships – particularly in Canberra – with your sexual partners, BIG SELF-COLLAPSING so it just becomes one big self-collapsing CLUSTERFUCK.” clusterfuck,” says Daniel. At the end of his first year at ANU, Daniel was lonely and unimpressed. “I was reasonably desperate by then, considering it had been almost a year and a half since my last anything, serious relationship-wise.”

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That summer he met someone and they sustained a fling for a few months before it succumbed to circumstance. He then got more involved in queer politics at the university, partly as a way of meeting more people. “I don’t think I really blamed Canberra for it,” he says of this initiation period. “There was just nobody like me.” Jordan*, 23, is a public servant who has lived in the capital for sixteen months. He identifies as bisexual and confesses to being “antiquated” when it comes to romance. He has had a handful of dating experiences since moving to Canberra, but all of them lacklustre and none blossoming into something more. “One [was] with a Navy guy who decided not to wear a shirt during the date,” Jordan recalls. “He wore shorts. He couldn’t find his shirt apparently.” Another lunchtime date unearthed a talker of extreme proportions. “I think I said four words,” says Jordan. “For the other three hours he just spoke at me.” The guy was subsequently nicknamed “Creeposaurus” for his unprecedented ubiquity around the city over the following weeks. Jordan then dated a girl, not that he knew about it. He had been enjoying their friendly coffees, but when she broke it off with her boyfriend so they could be together, it was clear there had been a major misunderstanding. If it all seems a bit Seinfeldian, you might be on to something. That particular brand of 1990s urban romance, with its supermarket encounters and answering machines and lonely barstools, might all feel distant, but in Canberra it is positively thriving. I thought the blind date was dead, buried and cremated – or at least restricted to singles circuits and the over-40s – but in fact all three people I interviewed for this story had been on at least one. For 23-year-old Alicia*, it came on the recommendation of a friend. A blind date was something she would have shied away from back in Sydney, where she was only partially an “out” lesbian, but after struggling for her first few months in a new city, figured it was worth a shot. “It’s stressful but it’s an adrenaline rush,” says Alicia, who also works in the public service. “I guess I put more effort into [dating] because I didn’t have any other options.” Canberra forces you to be more proactive, she says, because the dating pool is smaller and the opportunities for social interaction are more limited. “When there are fewer people, there’s just less of a chance that you’ll have gay people that you also get along with. Just because someone’s gay doesn’t mean you’ll be friends.” One factor Alicia and Jordan both lamented was the tendency for social cliques to form quite rigidly around work. Fridays in the office become Fridays at the pub, and that means few opportunities to meet gays and lesbians who aren’t also colleagues.

“It’s not what you’d call a large single community here,” Jordan says. “A lot of same-sex relationships move here established.” Some government departments seem to have more single people than others, he tells me. “With some it seems like they’re out on the town every Friday night and there’s a queue for the broom closet, almost.” There is a Social Network of Graduates (SNOG) which hosts events around town, but nobody I met was especially taken by its offerings. Daniel attended a meet-up called “gaycrash”, which involves a large contingent turning up at an otherwise “straight” venue, but found it mostly attracted an older crowd. If the gay community as a whole is small, its subsections are tiny indeed. “I was talking to a friend who’s a bear, and he was saying: Bears Canberra is a group of about five people, which is more of a knitting circle,” Daniel says. “The bear group here is a tiny clique, and it is basically impenetrable.” Jordan says those who come to Canberra and are used to participating in the “scene” can find it hard to adjust to a different way of doing things in the capital. “The ‘gay scene’ is far, far smaller than Sydney and the greatest problem of moving to Canberra is if you stay within the scene and you don’t go out of it,” he says. “Most people who aren’t straight aren’t part of the ‘gay scene’.” Cube, the scene’s solitary Mecca, is passionately disliked by everyone I speak to. By all accounts it is besieged by straight people, plagued by hideous music and colonised by the same faces week-in, week-out.

Drinking to blurry excess is essentially a prerequisite, Daniel tells me. “Otherwise it’s unbearable, mainly for the people. It’s that sheer inescapability because there literally is no other club you can go to.” It appears nobody has been spared a questionable night at Cube. “One time I went out and my housemate asked literally every girl in the entire club if they were a lesbian or bi,” Alicia says. “Everyone said no, except for one person who I ended up hooking up with.” Slim pickings indeed. As for less traditional methods of making friends, Grindr is functional but not exactly fruitful. Daniel estimates there might be a maximum of two or three hundred users in Canberra, and it didn’t take long to exhaust the few he found attractive. Alicia sang the praises of Canberra’s gay choir and the lesbian restaurant Tilly’s, but ultimately, it was through work that she found Leah*, her long-term girlfriend. She considers herself very lucky, particularly when she sees her other gay friends struggling with loneliness. “They complain about not having found anyone, they’ve been here a year, haven’t had sex in however long. They go to Sydney to have a night out or pick up,” she says. Despite loving her job and her new friends, Alicia imagines she would have eventually left Canberra if things hadn’t worked out romantically. “You can’t be single forever.” *Names have been changed.

*ITEMS FOR SALE INCLUDE: SUSHI ROLLS, STANDARD SANDWICHES, PIES, SAUSAGE ROLLS, MUFFINS, REGULAR SIZED COFFEES, MT FRANKLIN 600ml, MOTHER 250ml

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DYING ONLINE KATE WILCOX TOURS THE APPS WHICH PROMISE YOU VIRTUAL ETERNITY.

the end of May, Facebook had 1.11 billion users worldwide. This means that one-seventh of the worldâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s population now live, to some extent, online. But the fact that so many people are conducting their lives in virtual spaces has a morbid, though inevitable consequence. Internet users, like all mortals, eventually die. As of the end of 2012, 30 million people with Facebook accounts had died, with some studies estimating that nearly three million Facebook users died in 2012 alone.

ISSUE 04 FEATURE

Online spaces are haunted by the digital spectres of deceased users, and for a site concerned with people living out their lives online, such a reality presents a series of confronting questions. Users are forced to work out how to integrate internet use into their mourning and social media sites have to decide whether they will cater to, or attempt to exorcise these ghosts in the machine.

MOURNING ONLINE When Luci Campbell died from cancer in 2010 just before she was to start Year 12, her family, friends, and schoolmates were devastated. Rosie Connelly who was in Luci’s year at SCEGGS, says that Facebook became a key way for friends and classmates to share their grief. “The first couple of months after she passed away, there were a lot of posts about the service we had at school and her funeral, support for her family and stuff. As it’s gotten further and further away from it, there’s definitely a lot less people using it now, but my News Feed used to be flooded with people posting songs or poems or just saying that they missed her… Every year on the day she passed away and on her birthday, everyone posts again and interacts with it,” says Connelly. Gillian Evans, a grief counsellor, says that social media can offer support to the bereaved, particularly if they have suffered a unique kind of loss. Evans is part of a support group for “twinless twins” – people whose twin has passed away. The group, who communicate through a Facebook group, was established in Sydney some years ago, and now has 95 members from all around the world. Evans was asked to join the group by its founder because of her experience as a counsellor, and also because she lost her own twin, Judy, when they were 45. When asked how people use the site, Evans says, “They might put a picture they’ve drawn or painted recently and say, ‘This tells you something about the journey I’ve been on’, or they might capture a beautiful photo that reminds them of their twin. Or someone might just post: ‘It’s been three weeks since my twin died and I still can’t breathe.’ People are very supportive of each other, and supportive even if it’s been thirty years, and suddenly you’re a grandparent or a great-grandparent and your twin’s not here to enjoy that time with you.” The fact that we are now grieving online is no surprise to Dr Patrick Stokes, a lecturer in philosophy at Deakin University who has researched the philosophical implications of death on social media. “The distinction between an online and offline life is somewhat arbitrary. There’s a

biological person behind an account, or there usually is, so death is inevitably going to seep into the online world,” he says. “There’s been interesting developments on the way we mourn people on Twitter,” says Stokes. Twitter is a site on which deaths, or at the least the deaths of celebrities, are commonly marked. In the first hour after the news broke of singer Whitney Houston’s death in February more than two million messages

Some people believe that the dead person exists in some kind of afterlife where they log on to Facebook to read the messages of remembrance posted by their friends.

were tweeted about her death, reaching a peak of more than 1000 tweets per second. Stokes says that these Twitter mourning conventions have become so ingrained as to be ripe for mockery. He talks about a case last year when British comedian Michael Legge invented a person, Gregg Jevin, and then posted a message on Twitter, mourning the passing of Jevin, whom he explicitly stated was fictional. His tweet soon got picked up by Twitter users around the world, some of whom seemed to get the joke, many of whom didn’t, until #RIPGreggJevin was trending in the UK. “Twitter was suddenly abuzz with all these mourning tweets. Which is interesting because it shows that there were already these conventions formed for how we mourn online which were available for satirising,” says Stokes.

ONLINE AND OFFLINE GRIEF While some conventions surrounding mourning online have started from scratch, others seem to be simple extensions of ways people grieve in the offline world. Psychologist Elaine Kasket has conducted research into how people mourn on Facebook. She found that when people post messages to a dead person’s Facebook page, they are doing one of two things. Some people believe that the person exists in some kind of afterlife where they log on to Facebook to read the messages of remembrance posted by their friends. Most people, however, no longer believe their friend exists and don’t believe that their friend can see their message, but still write to them anyway. “When you think about it,” says Stokes “that’s kind of continuous with what we do with graveyards. We go out to graveyards and say, ‘Hey, let me fill you in on what’s been going on these last years.’ But this is interesting, because now we’re doing it in a way where we don’t have to go to graveyards, they’re not sequestered in that way.” However, the public and performative nature of Facebook has thrown up particular challenges for those who have recently lost a loved one. Some of the earliest research published on mourning online by Brian Carroll and Katie Landry in 2007, found that grievers often reported that people seemed to compete with each other with their posts of remembrance – trying to demonstrate to other Facebook users how close they were to the deceased and how strong the grief was that they were experiencing. This was Rosie Connelly’s experience after Luci Campbell passed away. “I think you can over-externalise grief on Facebook, and it kind of becomes a quasicompetition about who is the most sad or who loved them the most, and I think that’s really creepy and unhealthy… The competitive nature is the worst thing about Facebook; that you can show everyone how much you’re grieving. Luce’s page kind of got to that point where

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everyone was like: ‘Look at how good friends we were, here’s this photo of us from year six, or here’s this song we both loved.’ For everyone who’s legitimately still grieving, and for everyone who uses Luci’s page to help them in their process, it devalues it. It kind of wrecks it for everyone else,” she said.

THE VIRTUAL-DEATH INDUSTRY Some websites have not simply adapted to the death of their existing users, but have been specifically developed to fill the virtualdeath industry niche. Websites and apps have sprung up which allow people to digitally plan their funeral, such as My Wonderful Life, or leave messages for those who outlive them which will be released either publically or privately on social media sites after their death, such as ifidie and DeadSocial. Such applications may seem harmless, and not very different to planning your funeral on paper, or leaving someone a letter to be read after your death, but counsellor Linda Magson says there are real dangers to apps such as these. “It seems to take some of the autonomy away from the mourner, if they’re getting messages that are pre-programmed by the person who’s no longer with them, and they’re getting those at times or moments or places that are not of their choosing,” says Magson. “There would be a risk of re-traumatising the person or bringing them back into their grief at times when they’re perhaps not prepared for it.” Even more disturbing are websites such as _LIVESON and Virtual Eternity. _LIVESON was due to launch in March but has been delayed because, as the company’s Twitter account put it, “this resurrection shit takes a bit longer than we thought.” The site analyses your Twitter posts to work out which topics you like tweeting about, as well as your preferred grammar and syntax. Once you die the site continues to tweet on your behalf in

your style at a new Twitter account called YourName_LIVESON. The promise of the website is cheerfully morbid: “When you heart stops beating, you’ll keep tweeting.” Virtual Eternity, is even more creepy and has been described by Rafe Needleman of CNET as the website “most likely to make children cry”. A Virtual Eternity user fills out a questionnaire about their life, and uploads a photo of themselves, from which the site creates an AI-based animated avatar that somewhat resembles them. When the person passes away their loved ones can ask questions about them to the avatar, who replies in a generic computergenerated voice, unless the deceased paid extra to have a custom voice created. The idea is that a person can live on, in bizarre computerised format, interacting with loved ones for a “virtual eternity”. Stokes says he finds Virtual Eternity and _LIVESON “creepy as hell”, but says that on top of any personal misgivings he has about them, he doesn’t think they will help us address what we ultimately fear when it comes to death. “What we really worry about is the idea that the subject you experience yourself as being right now won’t exist anymore. A lot of these technologies we are seeing now, they aren’t going to help with that because they can’t give you a first person experience of posthumous survival. So they might be good for other people, good for your survivors, they can give a third person experience of your survival, and something like _LIVESON or Virtual Eternity might even give you a second-person experience of that; none of them will give you a firstpersonal experience, and that’s the thing that really connects with our fear of death,” he says.

THE PROMISE OF THE WEBSITE IS CHEERFULLY MORBID: ‘WHEN YOUR HEART STOPS BEATING, YOU’LL KEEP TWEETING.’

Grieving online may help others process your death and remain connected to you, but they don’t allow you, as some of these websites promise, to cheat death through technology. To paraphrase that great fearer of death, Woody Allen: “I don’t want to achieve immortality through a computer; I want to achieve immortality through not dying. I don’t want to live on in the hearts of fellow internet users; I want to live on in my apartment.” That’s something no app or avatar can do for you.

ISSUE 04 INTERVIEW

INTERVIEW

JAMES BRECHNEY JOHN ROWLEY TALKS THE TALK WITH THE MAN WHO CHALKS THE CHALK.

James Brechney is a radio host and general man-about-town. Following the removal of the Rainbow Crossing from Sydney’s Taylor Square in April, Brechney chalked up a storm in an alleyway behind his Surry Hills home. What followed was the #DIYRainbow campaign, which has generated thousands of rainbows and millions of ‘likes’. WHAT WAS YOUR REACTION WHEN YOU HEARD ABOUT THE PULLING DOWN OF THE ORIGINAL RAINBOW CROSSING? I was obviously disappointed. Not only that they had to remove it, but the way in which they did it. The state government didn’t really tell anyone that it was going to happen that early. HOW LONG AFTER THAT DID YOU COME UP WITH YOUR IDEA FOR THE FIRST CHALK RAINBOW? I had the idea of chalking up one the day after the original had been pulled down. We uploaded the photos to Facebook at about six that night, and they just went viral. It was going crazy on my Facebook wall. I think it had about fifty likes in the first three minutes, which was really intense for me. Fifty likes is really good on my wall, one hundred likes is amazing, and just in the first five minutes – it was really cool! HAVE YOU MAINTAINED YOUR ORIGINAL RAINBOW IN SURRY HILLS? No, funnily enough. I just really didn’t think of that very much at all. Every time a news station came over – we had a couple of them in the first week – we got the guys out there and re-did it for footage, so it naturally got maintained. Now it’s completely washed away, which is the beauty of chalk and which is why it’s not graffiti. HOW DO YOU THINK RAIN HAS AFFECTED THE CAMPAIGN? It was a perfect storm. When it first became a real Internet sensation, I was so lucky in the month of April to have such a sunny weekend. It was that weekend, which was so sunny in Sydney, that really spurred it on. Part of having a rainbow is rain! Some areas like Summer Hill have really embraced the whole idea of maintaining their rainbows, so every time it rains they all get back out there and chalk up again.

HAVE YOU THOUGHT ABOUT WHERE YOU’RE PLANNING TO TAKE DIY RAINBOW FROM HERE? I would like to see an annual event, I don’t think we can chalk forever. I think a two-week thing every year would be really, really cool. WHAT’S THE MOST TOUCHING RAINBOW THAT YOU’VE SEEN? I think the most poignant one was probably... one in Cambodia with twenty or thirty kids with HIV in a refuge. From memory – I haven’t seen the photo recently, and I’m guilty of embellishment – it’s a very red desert that they’re on, and they’ve done an amazing chalk crossing. That was pretty powerful for me. It’s one thing to have a government decision in a first-world country, but another for thirty kids with HIV to relate to it and want to do it as well. WHAT DO YOU THINK HAS BEEN THE KEY TO THE CAMPAIGN’S SUCCESS? I think it’s just the right time in Australia. People are just so over writing letters and calling up talkback radio. I think the energy

was there ready, and they just needed a spark to create the fire. I certainly didn’t think it through, or have it as a grand plan to take Australia by storm with chalk rainbows. All I can really take credit for is sparking something that was waiting to happen. YOU’VE BEEN SELF-IDENTIFYING FOR A WHILE AS A Z-LIST CELEBRITY. WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU’VE GRADUATED TO NOW? These things come and go, and I’ve certainly had a lot of fun with it. My parents were actually in Hawaii when it happened, and they bumped into some gay guys at the airport and they knew all about it. It’s definitely global, to a level. I’ve been doing a lot of media stuff for a while, and I love that side of me. But this is, on a personal level, one of the things I’ve done with the biggest impact. And how fabulous that this was the one that took off! I think at this point in time, if I was accidentally killed by a bus tomorrow, I could die a happy man more so than I could have three weeks ago.

ISSUE 04 FEATURE

SAY WHEN

ELEANOR GORDON-SMITH HAS THE FIRST ROUND.

elix Thomson* has spent a semester away from university at his grandparents’ farm. He hasn’t taken his iPhone, he left his debit card in a freezer back in his Camden sharehouse, and he hasn’t seen his girlfriend or his friends in four months. He didn’t think he could stop drinking otherwise.

The psychiatric profession has a manual it uses as a definitive guide to what counts as a disorder and what symptoms those disorders have. It’s called the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) and it is revised periodically. The fifth edition of the diagnostic manual will have been published by the time you’re reading this. One of the changes it makes is to introduce a label of an ‘alcohol abuse disorder’ that some people fear will over-diagnose college drinkers who aren’t addicts, just go a little hard. But who even counts as an addict? Are they different from binge drinkers and how do they get by on campus?

For most of us, arriving on campus was the first time we got to drink to excess on a regular basis. Maybe you’d gone to schoolies, maybe you’d thrown up in Byron, maybe at your year twelve formal your date smuggled in a flask. But in first year, either you turned 18 or you had enough friends around you that it didn’t make a difference. Drinking goon in Victoria Park gave way to CBD clubs where two spirits go for $7 and the “if you’ve had too much we can’t serve you” rule was rarely, if ever, enforced. But even if clubs weren’t your thing, the beginning of uni started a stream of beer and cider that you didn’t have to leave campus to get access to.

BULL USUONLINE.COM FEATURE

O-Week parties and club meet and greets were structured around jugs and drinks vouchers. Hermann’s or Manning became a staple meeting place for friends and societies started using their Union funding for bar tabs in the hundreds of dollars. If you went to college the merriment was tenfold as socially expected rituals asked for ever-escalating amounts drunk in ever more peculiar circumstances.You learned to navigate hangovers and birthdays were better when the host provided spirits. It’s not surprising or new that Australia – and in particular university students – consume too much alcohol. The Foundation for Alcohol Research and Education found that 40 per cent of all Australians drink “to get drunk” – a significant increase from 2011. That number becomes two-thirds in university students, who report drinking twice or three times a week, and drinking more than four standard drinks in a sitting on many of those occasions. But “drinking too much” and “being addicted to alcohol” are markedly different things. Felix Thomson is a third-year Engineering student who had to suspend his studies last semester to take some time away from university to deal with what he calls “a raging addiction”. In Engineering, it was easy for Felix to think his drinking habits were normal and “to some degree socially expected.” He was drunk three or four times a week, often to the point of blacking out, throwing up, and on one occasion wrapping his car around a fencepost. So were his mates. He got blind drunk around other people who were doing the same thing. “To put this in perspective, when someone gets elected to a student leadership position in engineering at 4pm, they down a beer. There’s alcohol everywhere. I didn’t realise what I was doing was different from what they were doing. I didn’t realise I couldn’t stop,” he says. A lot of the ‘warning signs’ that organisations like ReachOut use to help people identify problem drinking are pretty common amongst the alcohol-consuming university population. Do you engage regularly in binge drinking, do you have blackouts, are you developing an increased tolerance to alcohol, is your work or education suffering? With hindsight Felix thinks his addiction got out of hand about a year before he realised

it had. About four weeks into his self-imposed exile on the farm he tried to assess the toll his drinking had taken on his life. He can’t remember a lot of fights but he does remember waking up with a black eye twice. “I figured that memory loss can’t erase my bank statements, so I went back and looked at the transaction records on my debit card. In the week before I totalled the car I spent $800 on alcohol. In the whole month it was like two thousand. And that’s just transactions labelled ‘debit card purchase corridor bar Newtown’ or whatever, that doesn’t tell me how much of the cash I got out of ATMs went on to booze.” A lot of students admit to huge expenditure on alcohol, even the ones who don’t feel they “have a problem” with alcohol. Michaela Levi*

“HE WAS DRUNK THREE OR FOUR TIMES A WEEK, OFTEN TO THE POINT OF BLACKING OUT, THROWING UP, AND ON ONE OCCASION WRAPPING HIS CAR AROUND A FENCEPOST.”

is a second-year who once racked up $300 in a single night at the Ivy, but she knows she can stop. She’s had to, on a number of occasions; she’s a triathlete whose diet changes drastically before events and makes no room for the calories and resultant sluggishness in a vodka Red Bull. I say to Felix that what he spent didn’t necessarily mean he was an addict and he starts to cry. Very subtly and in a sort of stoic rear-admiral way, but he starts to cry. “I know,” he says “it was the secrets”. By ‘secrets’, he

means he’d drink in private and not tell anybody. He’d wake up wanting alcohol and if he had any he’d drink some. At the peak of his problem he had a water bottle in his university satchel filled with an unholy mix of grappa, gin, soda and lemon. Jackson graduated in the middle of 2012 and struggled with alcoholism through all four years of his degree. Jackson never drank in private like Felix but he didn’t feel like he could go 24 hours without a drink. “I’d get shakes and just be generally pissed about everything. It took me ages to work out the variable was alcohol.” Feeling like you can’t go without alcohol is one of the signs ReachOut and various alcohol counsellors say to look out for. Jackson’s been sober since he left university and doesn’t like to talk about what he calls “the booze years” but he knew he had to get help when a week before one of his final exams he went out to blow off steam and drank so much he couldn’t remember a thing the next morning. It wasn’t that that rang his alarm bells, it was that he went downstairs to see his girlfriend sitting silent and furious at the kitchen table with a cut on her face and he thought he might have hit her. “My stomach just went cold. I knew in my right mind I couldn’t ever hurt her – in fact I’ve hit guys who hit their girlfriends. But I just couldn’t rule it out. That was it. That couldn’t be a possibility in my life. I knew it had to stop and it wasn’t just about me.” Jackson hadn’t injured her. She was angry because it was supposed to be date night and he’d come home and pissed on her bike. Both men needed to get away from alcohol to beat it. Jackson doesn’t go to bars since he graduated and says he doesn’t know how many tries it would have taken to get sober if he’d had to walk past Hermann’s every day. Felix is terrified to come back to university because drinking will become an option again. “It’s either be around alcohol, or lose all my friends. And people give shit to you if you don’t drink, like even if you’re driving they’ll grab your coke and switch it for a beer.” Felix doesn’t want to tell people he thinks he’s an alcoholic but there’s only so many times you can say you’re driving. “Plus I’ll fuck up and ask for a lift later in the night or something, I know I will.” The University of Sydney has structures in place to help students struggling with most things, including alcoholism. Dr Philomena

ISSUE 04 FEATURE

Renner is the head of Counselling and Psychological Services (CAPS) and tells BULL “CAPS encourages students who are concerned about their alcohol use to access information and support via a CAPS individual appointment with a clinical psychologist.” Jackson says he’d never have gone to counselling of his own volition. He took four years to get a three-year degree, he thinks in large part because of his drinking. “It wasn’t just that I’d go to exams hungover or whatever, it’s what it would do to the rest of my life. I’d run out of money so I had to work crazy hours to pay rent which meant there was no study time, or I’d lose my car and miss deadlines.” The University has a wing of its student support services that deals with disabilities and covers a host of conditions, including long-term conditions with recurrent episodes. I wondered if alcoholism would count as something a student could seek academic help for. Dagmas Kminiak is the manager of Disability Services and tells BULL that “an addiction to, or dependency on alcohol is not regarded as a disability under the Disability Discrimination Act (DDA),” but that people can still seek help on the grounds of disability if they have an impairment that goes along with an addiction. “For example, a person who is addicted to a substance such as alcohol may also have depression, or a physical impairment such as liver damage, arising from the alcohol addiction.” I pass this on to Felix, who wants to finish his studies this year. “Dude I don’t know shit about my liver” is his reply. “I’m just scared to go back.” * Names have been changed.

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ISSUE 04 WHEN I GROW UP

WHEN I GROW UP I want to be…a living statue

ach month BULL sits down with somebody who has a job that is anything but conventional. This time around, Flora Grant had a chat to Greg Tingle, who works as a living statue for public and private events around Sydney. HOW DID YOU GET STARTED AS A LIVING STATUE?

I’ve been doing it for five years now. I always had an appreciation of art – my mum is an artist – and this career caught my eye, how it combines together art and marketing and branding. I had a background in advertising and marketing and I was impressed with the way living statues combined artistic creations with events and branding in the corporate world. I started to enquire and turn up to events that used live statues, so I thought I may as well become part of it!

WHAT DO YOU DO DAY-TO-DAY?

There are a real variety of areas to perform in. You get to become part of an actual creation and it’s a really diverse range of people who want human statues – one day it might be a high end hotel, one day it might be a race track, the next week it might be for a charity. On a typical day, I’ll arrive an hour beforehand to be painted and get dressed ready for wherever I’m performing that day. This can be a long process for some characters.

“People often beg and plead with you to show that you’re actually a person.”

WHAT’S YOUR FAVOURITE CHARACTER TO BECOME?

The best ones are where I get to move a little bit and interact with some guests! I like being the joker or the jester because it allows me to be a bit playful – I feel like I can be myself. Being Captain Cook is a lot of fun as well because that’s got some historical value, and I also got to slip in the occasional “aye aye, captain!”. The more challenging ones are the ones where you are dressed up and not allowed to move. It’s actually incredibly tiring to stay in one position for a long time.

IN THOSE JOBS, HOW DO YOU REMAIN COMPLETELY STILL WHILE OTHERS ARE TALKING AND MOVING AROUND YOU?

I often think about the days I used to be an Air Cadet in the Australian Air Force. It’s a bit like the drills we used to do, only you’re wearing something a little more colourful, and I use a lot of the skills I learnt there about how to focus on a task at hand.You’re supposed to be a statue standing still, so that’s what you’ve got to do. We often get a short break where you can stretch your legs and arms for thirty seconds to make sure you don’t pass out on the job.You have to make sure you have something to eat beforehand and drink lots of water throughout.

GOOD, THANKS FOR THE PRACTICAL TIPS! HOW DO PEOPLE REACT TO YOU AS A LIVING STATUE?

People always want you to do something or respond – that’s part of the fascination! People often beg and plead with you to show that you’re actually a person. Sometimes I like to give them a small gesture, a wink or a wave, to make them wonder if I’m real, without breaking the illusion for everyone else. I’ve heard of other living statues in the industry who have had some trouble with people though. There was a living statue on the Gold Coast earlier this year where a member of the public was provoking the statue – he put his finger in his ear, poking him and all sorts. It didn’t end very well for the person that was taunting him because the statue retaliated by punching him! Thankfully though that’s an isolated incident. ARE THERE DIFFERENT REQUIREMENTS PLACED

ON MALE AND FEMALE HUMAN STATUES?

The female statues have a lot more diversity in the roles they play, and I think they can be more creative. They also get to interact with the audience more often. Female statues are much more popular for private events, though most of the public living statues you see are male.

FINALLY, WHAT IS IT THAT PEOPLE LOVE ABOUT HUMAN STATUES?

I think people love to try to catch you out! There’s something about a still statue – which on first glance may seem to be stone or marble – being alive. It’s quite magical.

BULL USUONLINE.COM FOOD & BOOZE

FOOD & BOOZE Hold the Gluten FREYA JANSENS IS A CERTIFIED COELIAC.

‘We

do gluten free’. This is a cafe’s way of opening their arms to gluten-haters, saying “Come here, we won’t say gluten-free is too hard. We’ll make the extra effort, we’ll feed you!”

WHAT IS GLUTEN? Gluten is a protein found in wheat, so it is found in all food that contains wheat or wheat products. This includes obvious ones like bread and pasta, but it’s also in things like cous cous, soy sauce and even beer (although gluten-free beer has, thankfully, been invented). There are a variety of different dieters within the realm of those who avoid gluten. There are coeliacs, people who have been medically diagnosed with a disease which means they can’t eat gluten. There are people who are glutenintolerant, who can eat a little bit, but get sick if they eat too much. Then, finally, there are people who choose to go on a gluten-free diet. This is becoming an increasingly popular health fad rivalling the likes of Zumba and quinoa.

CARBS It’s a common misconception that most carbohydrates are automatically ruled out for glutenfree dieters as they contain flour. However, there are gluten-free versions of pretty much every carb you care to name. There is glutenfree bread, which up until now has

been notoriously crumbly and dry, but Country Life have come up with an amazing new recipe that is actually rivalling wheat bread in texture and taste. There are also gluten-free versions of porridge, pasta and biscuits found quite easily in the likes of Coles and Woolies. However – and to the great distress of the gluten-free everywhere – freshly baked pastries are out of the question. There are also many fantastic recipes out there for great gluten-free dishes. With glutenfree cooking, a useful motto to adopt is ‘substitution, substitution, substitution’. You can always sub in gluten-free flour, but make sure you try out combinations of self-raising and plain to get the right consistency.

NEW TO GLUTEN-FREE? HERE’S SOME DOS AND DON’TS: DON’T: • Assume the food doesn’t contain gluten because you’ve eaten it before. • Feel too shy to ask for a different plate of food if you can see it is contaminated.

• Forget to tell people ‘no chicken salt on chips’ – some places, pubs especially, will put it on automatically. The same goes for soy sauce at the King St Thai restaurants. • Just not eat. Always ask what they can do for you, as it will help the next gluten-free person who walks in. DO: • Ask whether the waiter/chef knows and understands what gluten is, and what foods cannot be included in your meal. • Clarify the nature of your glutenavoidance. If you are a celiac or intolerant, tell them it is medical. If you just avoid gluten, tell them this so they can do their best and not worry you’ll have a bad reaction whilst dining.

PLACES TO CHECK OUT:

• • • •

Claire’s Crepes in Newtown Newtown Thai II Mad Mex Guzman and Gomez

PLACES TO AVOID:

• Broadway Lounge • Domino’s Pizza – they actually roll out their gluten free pizza bases in wheat flour!

MAMA’S GLUTEN FREE BROWNIES WHAT YOU NEED: • 120g butter or margarine • 100g dark chocolate • 2 large eggs • 225g granulated sugar • 1 teaspoon vanilla essence • 55g self-raising flour • 55g broken pecans nuts

WHAT YOU DO: • Pre-heat oven to 180’ C, lightly grease, and flour a 30cm cake tin. • Melt butter and chocolate. • Beat eggs in large bowl, add sugar and vanilla and beat until thick. • Stir in butter and chocolate into egg mixture. • Sift the flour into mixture and add nuts. • Bake for 20-25 mins or until cracks appear in top. • Enjoy!

ISSUE 04 TRAVEL

TRAVEL Peru

EDEN CACEDA HEADS OFF TRACK.

eru is a destination that is often neglected in the giant continent that is South America. But with its blend of history, culture and natural beauty, there is truly no reason that Peru should not be a travel staple among the likes of Argentina and Brazil. While the capital Lima is amazing, if you are seeking a truly incredible holiday, head out of the city. Peru is home to the Amazon jungle, Andes Mountains, and Inca ruins; these places are the things of bucket lists and Wild Thornberry dreams and perfect for any traveller wanting to see the real Peru.

CUSCO

One may recognise the name from The Emperor’s New Groove, but the town has more to offer than just llamas and gold (though it has plenty of both). An idyllic small town among the towering mountains, Cusco is the epicentre for traditional culture in Peru. Adjusting to the high altitude is a nightmare at first but the short flight or bus trip from Lima is worth it. The streets have not been changed for hundreds of years and retain many plazas and streets of pre-Columbian times and colonial buildings, resulting in Cusco being declared a World Heritage Site. The town’s square, Plaza De Armas, is a rustic customary location where you can spot plenty of people in traditional dress. It has been the scene of several major events in the city. At night the square comes to life with food and partying, also acting as a guide to where you are located in the town. The walled ancient complex of Saksaywaman lies on top of a mountain and is an easy car ride away, providing the perfect opportunity to explore the enormous ruin and glimpse the beautiful views of both town and mountains. The party scene is strangely insane for this small town and there are plenty of other tourists and locals who love nothing more than a dance and some alcoholic Pisco Sour, the famous cocktail and “national drink”.

INCA TRAIL If you’re keen to embrace the beautiful landscape of Peru, the Inca Trail is just the thing. It takes four days to complete the 80 kilometre hike, so it’s a full on trek through the Andes mountain range.You’ll pass through early morning fog forests, intense alpine tundra and everything in between. The trek is not for everybody and training is necessary beforehand. It involves sleeping in tents, eating traditional food including roasted guinea pig and alpaca lasagna while following the exact pilgrimage track the Incan people did to the renowned Machu Picchu in ancient times. Any lover of history, architecture, geography or mountaineering will get a particular buzz from the trek, but the outlook of the spectacular mountain range and accompanying Incan ruins are breathtaking for anyone to witness. No matter what season you go, the nights are cold and dark but the daytime is always stunning. Toilets are the biggest issue on the trek and ensure you hire a porter to carry your belongings; thinking you can carry 25 kilograms for 4 days straight might seem like a good idea but altitude, terrain and

weather make it worth dishing out for someone else to care for your bags, knowing the money is going to a townsperson who likely needs it.

MACHU PICCHU The Inca Trail ends here or you can go directly to Aguas Calientes, the accompanying tourist town, by train from Cusco. As a New 7 Wonder, Machu Picchu is the most familiar icon of the Incan civilisation and the “lost city of the Incas”. Entering the site through the Sun Gate, available for those getting there by train and necessary for those hiking, is the only real way to appreciate the beauty of the location. The city is like a maze which gives the perfect reason to get lost among the culture and history. There is also the option to climb Huayna Picchu, the accompanying mountain that overlooks the ruins, but this is certainly not for the faint-hearted. Ensure that at least one full day is spent at Machu Picchu and even hire a guide to explain to you the meanings of the ancient artefacts, but if you don’t, make it a mission to see every corner of the ruin before it breaks down for good.

BULL USUONLINE.COM.AU CAMPUS CHATTER

CAMPUS CHATTER TO THE CARILLION PLAYER IN THE QUAD,

I bet the Game of Thrones theme isn’t the only thing you’re famous for. I’ll climb your tower if you’ll ring my bell. Esmerelda

I’M NOT A STALKER, BUT... TO THE HOT ASIAN GUY I ONCE SAW IN THE WAFFLE PLACE NEAR WENTWORTH, You are a beautiful and majestic human being. Please come back. We can come up with better ways of eating chocolate sauce. -Yellow Fever

TO THE GUY PLAYING THE SNITCH IN THE QUIDDITCH MATCH, Your car is about to be towed. Stop running away from me. Seriously man, I’m not even playing the game, I’m just trying to help you. -Very tired

TO THE PERSON WHO KEEPS RECALLING ALL THE BOOKS I BORROW FROM THE LIBRARY TWO DAYS AFTER I BORROW THEM, I will find you and I will hurt you. Not joking. - Fisher Rage

TO THE GUY IN SCHAEFFER LIBRARY WHO HAS BEEN SLEEPING AT HIS DESK FOR THE PAST TWO HOURS, You’re so dreamy. - Pun Lover

TO THE SEXY SOPRANO IN THE SYDNEY UNI CHOIR, Your sweet tones hit all my high notes. Let’s make some harmonies some time. - Baritone Bob TO THE SYDNEY UNI CHOIR, For the love of music, pull yourselves together! It’s like a freaking soap opera at rehearsals. Bob, seriously, stop crying. - Should’ve joined the Glee club

HEY YOU!

SOMEONE YOU WANT TO WOO AND/OR PASSIVELYAGGRESSIVELY COMPLAIN ABOUT? SEND US YOUR STALKER MESSAGES: USUBULLMAG@ GMAIL.COM

TO THE DREADLOCKED GIRL HANDING OUT SOCIALIST ALTERNATIVE FLYERS, You make my proletariat rise up. - Hotsky Trotsky

TO MY GROUP WORK PARTNER IN FRENCH 1002, I heard you whispering French poetry to cette petite tarte in class yesterday. I thought you were mon cher amour, but you turned to be as flaky and disappointing as a stale croissant. - Amelie TO THE CONDUCTOR OF THE SYDNEY UNI CHOIR, The way you read a score drives me wild. Let’s get together sometime, so you can show me your baton. Also, I’m worried about Bob… - Sexy Soprano

VOX POPS QUESTION WHO IS YOUR FAVOURITE INTERNET CELEBRITY ANIMAL?

KIM HALIN

TOM HAGIS

The surprise red panda gif. I can’t explain it, but it’s so funny.

‘Oh you, dog.’ It’s stupid. I like the absurdity of it.

SYDNEY UNIVERSITY

ARTS III

KATE LYNCH

ARTS AT MACQUARIE UNIVERSITY

Maru, he’s a bit of a legend.

ISSUE 04 CAMPUS CHATTER

PLEASE, HAVE A COW GOT BEEF WITH SOMETHING? SPILL YOUR GUTS IN 300 WORDS OR LESS TO USUBULLMAG@ GMAIL.COM

HANNAH WRIGHT IS SICK OF SERVING SIZES.

Two weeks ago, I was guiltily enjoying a Snickers chocolate bar. I wanted to fully understand the extent of my calorie consumption commitment, and examined the nutritional information on the back. I then noticed the ‘serving size’ was 1.4. I immediately became very frustrated and confused at this fact. Usually eating a chocolate bar is a solitary mission, meant for just one person, with one lunch break. It was a regular sized bar – the normal size that usually greets you at the cash register. So, why in the world would they make a chocolate

bar that was 1.4 servings, and not just one? Do they expect people only to eat a portion of it? Is saving some for later an inherent societal practice that I just didn’t know about? Was I supposed to listen and genuinely use this serving suggestion as a guide for my consumption? Should I really figure out how much of the bar is 71.43% and only eat that? If so, how do I go about dividing it up into that one serving size? Do I break it? Cut it? Bite it? What’s more – what do I do with the other 0.4 portion of the bar? No one wants to eat 0.4 of a serving of a Snickers bar. Why did Snickers think

TEA

For one, it’s incredibly difficult to get tea wrong. Combine one tea bag with boiling water, wait a bit, then add sugar if you’re a philistine or milk if you’re a proud Englishman, and you’ve got yourself a lovely drink. If you want a good coffee then you must either a) go to a cafe or b) buy a coffee machine, because without either you’re left drinking instant coffee. I call that giving up. You could conceivably stock your cupboards full of teas of every flavour imaginable. Chai, peppermint, lemon and ginseng, Darjeeling, rooibos – the list goes on. My roommate even has a box of ‘Rose with French Vanilla’. I have no idea what that means, but it’s a telling reminder of just how many different experiences one can have with tea. With coffee, I guess you could add chocolate or caramel syrup and thus make it a bad coffee, but that’s about it. All this variety means that you can adapt your tea drinking to suit your mood. Whatever your headspace, there’s a teabag to match it. Who doesn’t love a strong English Breakfast in the morning, a mid-afternoon peppermint and a soothing chamomile before bed? Contrast this to our daily coffee habits, where coffee serves a singular purpose: dragging you into the day on a wave of caffeine.

it was even a halfway decent idea to provide me with this ridiculously sized bar? They know I’m going to eat the entire thing. They know that once I get through that one serving size I’m not going to hesitate to eat the 0.4 of a serving left over. Nobody has that kind of willpower. At the very least, the bastards could have given me a bar with two servings, so I could have shared it with a friend.

COFFEE

ADAM PAGE SAYS TEA TROUNCES COFFEE IN EVERY WAY IMAGINABLE.

Tea doesn’t need a special machine and you don’t get to be called a barista for making it, but to my mind it will always be the indisputable king of hot beverages.

SHARMAINE SPENCER LIKES HER COFFEE STRONG.

LOCKING HORNS DISPUTED: TEA VS COFFEE

It’s a common practice in our over-worked and over-tired society to grab a coffee on the way to work or school, just to perk up a little. At times, it even seems that coffee is consumed purely on the basis of necessity. But the true beauty of the humble coffee bean is often overshadowed by an animalistic human need for caffeine. Unlike tea, coffee is more than just a fermented bunch of leaves and shriveled fruit. It's stronger than that. It’s flavor. It's substance. Coffee has a vast range of flavours, from rich Brazilian coffee beans to subtle French moments to bitter schiaffo in faccia Italian blends. The coffee bean also boasts healing powers. It has the ability to pick you up, no matter when you’re drinking it – early in the morning, during that dreaded midday lull or to get you through the final hours of your all-nighter at 3am. It’s overwhelmingly powerful in comparison to tea, which is apparently made to ‘pick me up’, energise me, clean my insides, make me skinny, cure my cold and do much more. It does none of those things. Instead, it’s always watery, uninviting and simply fails to satisfy. Coffee, on the other hand, is always warm, welcoming and delicious, down to the last long sip. Perhaps most importantly, coffee is the only thing that will get you through a two-hour class without either falling asleep or wanting to murder your lecturer. Finally, coffee is pretty. Anyone who’s experienced a half-decent barista will know the pure satisfaction of receiving a coffee with a leaf, flower or heart perfectly swirled into the top.

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JOHN ROWLEY HAS NO CHOICE, AND NOR DO YOU.

ucy* is a medicine student who spent last year as a matron at one of Englandâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s most prestigious preparatory schools, looking after sixty 12 year-old boys. Designer labels, fast cars, jet-setting parents and deer hunting expeditions on Scottish estates were all discussed with impossibly posh accents by the boarders.

ISSUE 04 FEATURE

When Lucy had time to explore the leafy, picturesque university town in which she was living, she was shocked by the contrasts she observed. The pregnant teenage bellies, bleached-blonde hair, and thick, vowel-heavy drawls of what her charges described as “chavs” seemed a world away from the centuries-old site of her work.What Lucy was met with in such scenarios was Britain’s class system at play. By contrast, Australia is purported to be a classless society – a refuge for meritocracy, mobility and egalitarianism. But is this really the case? Paul Henry, a University of Sydney Marketing academic, doesn’t think so. In fact, he goes so far as to describe the very idea as a “crock of lies”. Even if we don’t realise it, he says, we all behave in a way that indicates what class bracket we fall into. And though we mightn’t like to admit it, we can judge the position of others with relative ease. Our class position reveals itself in a multitude of ways. The most obvious of these is financial position. Social commentator and philosopher Damon Young also identifies “tastes in art and music, the way we eat, talk and dress” as important indicators. Though the scope of accents heard in Australia isn’t as wide as what Lucy experienced, we can often infer someone’s background and upbringing without too much difficulty based on other fairly superficial traits. According to a recent BBC study, social capital – or who you know – is also of great importance in determining class. The student who confided in Lucy that his grandmother was taking tea with Prince Charles, for instance, would score highly in this regard.

While we don’t often explicitly discuss class in identification is evident at the other end Australia,Young says that “we recognise class of the scale. John Frow says that “older immediately and intuitively” even if we don’t formations of working class pride are fully understand its intricacies and the various disappearing”. Gone are the days of Jimmy ranks it entails. Professor John Frow, however, Barnes’ defiant and self-assured ‘Working Class argues that Australians have a tendency to Man’. Barnes’ embattled protagonist, it would identify class incorrectly – if only to avoid seem, is now being made to attempt to climb buying into the slightly uncomfortable idea of the grease pole to the middle class. a pre-ordained stratification system. “People The constant aspiration proffered by think of themselves as not belonging to a class marketing and popular culture can be taxing. formation,” he says. Frow believes that if pressed, Henry thinks that marketers might have the “ninety-five per cent of people would identify wrong end of the stick. “A lot of people are themselves as belonging to the middle class.” more worried about security and stability, There’s a clear reticence in Australia and fitting in and getting on with life,” he says. towards conscious recognition of class – According to Frow, class-based anxiety particularly regarding the two poles. affects just about everyone, even if we don’t There’s something slightly squirm-inducing, recognise it. “Middle class people have to even distasteful, about the notion of earn their class position, and that generates a a hierarchy in what is supposed to great deal of uncertainty,” he says. A natural be a remarkably egalitarian response to this ambiguity is to seek country. According to solace in some semblance of the Paul Henry, “class is stability Henry describes. This an emotion-charged helps to explain our modern word. It conveys an penchant for historical OUR unequal society – fiction that resolutely and CLASS POSITION it conveys people unquestionably stratifies REVEALS ITSELF IN with an advantage.” its characters – think The He says that direct Borgias, Downton Abbey A MULTITUDE OF WAYS. referencing of rank and The Pillars of the Earth. THE MOST OBVIOUS OF is particularly offIn light of our perpetual putting for those quest for prestige and THESE IS FINANCIAL who, according to advancement, Frow says that POSITION. measurement, fall “societies where everybody has into the upper classes. a place and knows their place However, similar look rather fine by contrast”. shunning of class-based For certain groups, nostalgic

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“95 PER CENT OF PEOPLE WOULD IDENTIFY THEMSELVES AS BELONGING TO THE MIDDLE CLASS.”

sentiments are directed at decades, rather than centuries, past. In Sydney, social columnists lament the demise of the exclusive upper-class soiree. With rose-tinted glasses they recall lavish balls hosted by society doyennes. This regular eulogising casts a pall over the PR-dominated circuit that dominates the Sunday social pages today, replete with B-list reality stars and – *shudder* – new money. These changed social dynamics highlight the shifting sands we build our social standing on today. Changes to Australia’s labour market have caused a re-distribution of money. The ‘CUB’, or ‘cashed-up bogan’, is one beneficiary of this alteration. Traditionally, tradesmen and other skilled workers would be categorised as resolutely lower-class – in financial, social and cultural capital. Now, as Frow explains, “much of what was formerly the working class is now a petty bourgeoisie – self-employed tradesmen who may themselves be employers”. According to Damon Young, “their incomes equal and exceed many universityeducated children of professionals.” CUB’s have money to burn, but neither the cultural capital nor the desire to direct these funds to traditionally upper-class pursuits. This means that rather than works of art, tickets to the opera and expensive bottles of red, CUB’s are spending on decked-out utes, NRL grand finals and cases of beer. Pejorative attitudes towards such pursuits – and by extension those who undertake them – represent attempts by the upper classes to reinforce their own superiority, according to Young. Modifications to Australia’s ethnic make-up also throw traditional European conceptions of class into confusion. For instance, certain groups of Asian migrants, says Frow, “come from cultures where class isn’t as clearly defined,

in part because they come so recently from a peasantry”. So while Australians with European backgrounds seemingly inherit their class position, the same can’t be said for those with different lineage. They challenge the idea that class is by nature hereditary, and arguably lend weight to our idealistic conception of Australia as the home of class mobility. Damon Young says that Britain, by contrast, “certainly retains aspects of a pre-capitalistic caste system, in which class and status were hereditary”. This is evidenced in the background of some of Lucy’s charges. Among them was a Spencer-Churchill – a young member of the illustrious family that birthed Diana and Winston. While we might argue that our class inheritance is less stringent than that of Old Blighty, logic dictates that class is selfperpetuating to some extent here, too. According to Paul Henry, “class is a product of your upbringing.You tend to come out with distinctive world views - a sense of who you are and what you can achieve in the world.” Damon Young agrees. “Changing class is difficult because our habits (mental and physical) are deeply ingrained,” he says. Another important factor Young identifies is that people generally marry and socialise with people of their own class bracket. We overwhelmingly grow up, work and ultimately settle down within a relatively confined social bracket. In theory, this perhaps means that immigrants are indoctrinated – consciously or otherwise – into Australia’s implicit class structure, passing these norms onto their children. It’s here that education comes into play. Young believes that gaining knowledge and other sorts of capital through schooling is the individual’s best bet for moving up the

ladder – if only by degrees. Frow notes the difficulty of doing so in Australia today. “Mobility is increasingly restricted by the predominance of private school education, which tends to lock in structures of privilege,” he says. It’s these structures that the Gonski reforms could help dismantle. Lucy’s experiences illuminate a potential end product of the inaccessibility Frow describes. The fertile, formative grounds of the school she worked at have produced a raft of successful alumni: world-famous thespians, politicians, barons galore and a rather controversial philosopher, for example. She says that the majority of attendees expect to graduate to the most prestigious schools in England. Eton, Rugby, Winchester, Harrow and Shrewsbury are the next logical step in retaining (or gaining) familial prestige and prosperity. This is another means by which the Australian class system continues to mimic that of Britain. Fees minimise accessibility to private education, and the prestige and outlook it imbues in its students. This further separates the ‘haves’ from the ‘have-nots’ – a phenomenon still clearly at play in England. The school Lucy worked for charges about $50,000 per year for the education and boarding of the pre-pubescent boys who, she says, were undertaking maths equivalent to that of her four-unit HSC course. If it’s any consolation, not all of these fee-paying students were of noble birth. “A lot of the boys were international,” she says. Rather than relying on impressive family trees, these students had to draw on other attributes. “It was more that their dad owned a gigantic, billion-dollar bank in Russia.” What institutionalised inequality? *Name has been changed.

Cinderella Tears A NEW NOVEL BY J U I - W E I YA N G

Set in a modern Australian city, Cinderella Tears is an emotional drama, about love, life, change and self discovery. It’s about manipulation, back stabbing, betrayal and people’s most inner thoughts and struggles. Hailey Walker is a beautiful young woman, who fantasizes of a fairytale romance, only to have an abusive boyfriend take advantage of her, through her desire and turn her into his little play thing. Naïve old man Jeff Stanmore, has wanted to be a hero his entire life, but instead is always a victim. His gold digger mistress takes advantage of his desire, destroying him completely, while he remains in denial. Genre: romance, drama GET IT AT:

THERE IS A SUPERHERO IN ALL OF US

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CALL ME GAYBY DIANA PHAM CONSIDERED ‘GAYBY PLEASE DON’T GO,’ ‘YOU’LL ALWAYS BE MY GAYBY’ AND ‘GAYBY, GAYBY, GAYBY, OH!’ AS ALTERNATIVE HEADLINES FOR THIS PIECE.

ISSUE 04 33 FEATURE

“THERE HAVE ALWAYS BEEN CHILDREN RAISED BY SAME-SEX COUPLES. THAT’S NOTHING NEW. WHAT IS NEW IS THAT THOSE CHILDREN ARE NOW EMPOWERED TO SPEAK OUT AGAINST PREJUDICES HELD AGAINST THEIR FAMILIES.”

he debate over same sex marriage is often spoken in abstract terms, without engaging with the plight of real same-sex families. Early this year, Pauline Hanson told Kyle and Jackie O that she was against gay marriage because children were getting the short end of the stick. “Look at the child, have they been asked? You have a man, and then you have a woman, that’s what it’s all about. You think of the children as well.” This might sound crazy but Pauline Hanson might just be onto something. Let’s see what the children have to say.

Gayby Baby, which will be released in October this year is Australia’s first independent documentary that asks children from same-sex couples what it was like to be raised “culturally queer”. The project was crowd-funded by 1,244 people through Pozible, raising just over $100,000, which was needed for the documentary to be completed. Film-maker Maya Newell (a ‘Gayby’ herself) is behind this project. She says she decided to make it after realising that there was a lack of positive public discourse about different family arrangements for children of same-sex couples. “When I was a kid there were not many other children with gay parents,” she says. “I would have loved to been able to watch a film and feel that my experiences were shared. So I’ve decided to make that film.” What Pauline Hanson doesn’t know is that there’s an army of children from same-sex couples who are willing to contest her claim. ‘Gayby’, a portmanteau of ‘gay’ and ‘baby’ is a

colloquial term referring to children raised by world, most notably in the bible-belt of the same-sex couples. Australia is experiencing its United States, children’s books that explore first ‘Gayby’ boom, where 24 per cent of gay themes of same-sex relationships have been and lesbian households are raising their own censored or been taken off library bookshelves. children. ‘Gaybies’ are taking the phrase ‘coming Most notably, Daddy Has A Roommate has out’ to a whole new level – they’re beginning been listed as the second most challenged book to voice their opinions and concerns in public in the United States by the American Library discussions of same-sex equality. Association from 1990-2000. Heather has National director of Australian Marriage Two Mommies was ranked eleventh. Equality, Rodney Croome describes this new Australia wasn’t much better. In 2006, wave of gay advocacy from children of same-sex former NSW premier Morris Iemma tried to couples as a “cultural phenomenon”. ban a Tempe nursery from showing children “More and more children of same-sex The Rainbow Cubby House, a book about a little couples are speaking out against discrimination girl and her two mothers building a cubby house and making the case for equality for their family,” in their backyard with the aid of a little boy he says. “There have always been children raised and his two fathers. by same-sex couples. That’s nothing new. What “I do not personally believe it appropriate for is new is that those children are now empowered two-year-olds to be dragged into the gay rights to speak out against prejudices held against debate,” Iemma told the Sydney Morning Herald. their families.” “If parents feel particularly strongly about In the past, there’s been a shortage of educating children on these issues there is plenty conversation concerning same-sex families and of scope for them to do so at home where they their children, partly because such discussion run no risk of offending other parents who may was actively repressed. Throughout the Western hold opposing views,” he said.

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But Croome believes that people who try to censor books that portray the reality of same-sex couples in the name of ‘family values’ have double standards. “What they’re doing is anti-family. It is a fact of life that more and more people are raised by same-sex couples. Politics are only introduced in this debate when censorious homophobes try to deny reality,” he says. Nineteen-year-old Alex is a ‘Gayby’ from Enmore, currently doing her diploma in Social Work at TAFE. As a child, she says she copped a lot of flak from school children who found it difficult to understand the concept of having two mothers instead of one. “It was pretty hard in primary school because it wasn’t very accepted to have two mums, so I got bullied a bit. The boys would throw paper and pens at me and do other petty things like that. It was quite terrible,” she says. Alex wasn’t born into a same-sex family household. After her biological parents divorced when she was seven, her biological mum’s partner stepped in to co-parent. Adjusting to two mums wasn’t easy for her. As a young teenager she sought retribution, blaming her two mothers for raising her differently to other ‘normal’ children. “I found it very difficult at the beginning because when my mum got with her partner, a lot of people made it clear to me that it wasn’t normal. I gave my parents hell because I thought they were doing it to me on purpose,” she says. Alex eventually overcame her initial resistance to her new arrangement when she got to high school. Her all-girls high school made it easier for her to finally accept different types of sexual preferences. Growing up aware of people’s different sexual preferences made the topic of sex and sexuality easier to talk about for Alex and her family. When she kissed a girl in Year Nine, her mums welcomed the news, assuming she was coming out as a lesbian. But when Alex started to date boys, her mothers acted like how other ‘normal’ parents would behave -

protective and uncomfortable. Convincing her mums to allow a boyfriend to stay over wasn’t easy. “There’s a massive difference between me having a boyfriend to a girlfriend. It takes a bit more effort for a boy to stay over whereas when I had a girlfriend, she stayed over with in the first few weeks. I guess it’s something to do with getting knocked up.” Alex thinks homophobia is still alive. Although she’s very proud of her parents, she’s wary of people’s reactions to her family. She constantly feels like she needs to defend her parent’s right to exist.

“IT WAS PRETTY HARD IN PRIMARY SCHOOL BECAUSE IT WASN’T VERY ACCEPTED TO HAVE TWO MUMS, SO I GOT BULLIED A BIT. THE BOYS WOULD THROW PAPER AND PENS AT ME AND DO OTHER PETTY THINGS LIKE THAT. IT WAS QUITE TERRIBLE.”

“I guess it’s a hurdle a lot of people won’t have to deal with. I worry whenever I introduce someone to my parents, they might feel uncomfortable. I always tell them that I had a very normal upbringing, that the fact that my parents are gay is a huge part of my identity and that they’ll have to accept it,” she says. But some parts of society think differently, and many law-makers agree with them. Marriage equality is obviously one of the largest legal discrimination same-sex couples face. The Howard Government amended the Marriage Act to define a

marriage as a “union between man and woman” when Commonwealth countries like Canada and South Africa started to recognise same-sex marriage. Less high profile, but perhaps more damaging are the parenting laws that don’t treat same sex parents equally. Parenting laws are inconsistent across Australia. While gay couples can adopt in NSW, Western Australia, ACT and in some instances, Tasmania, it is illegal for gay couples to adopt in Victoria, Queensland, South Australia and the Northern Territory unless the children are biologically related to one parent. But Croome says these laws open further contentions – when a custody battle occurs, the law will privilege the biological parent over the co-parent. “When it’s in the benefit of a child, co-parents who want to adopt their child in the case of separation from the biological parent, often that won’t happen with our current laws,” says Croome. Last year, the Queensland Government further diluted parenting rights for same-sex couples. Single people and same-sex couples attempting to have children through altruistic surrogacy is banned. Altruistic surrogacy is only legal for heterosexual couples. The Australian Christian Lobby welcomed the change of surrogacy laws, saying it was “in the best interest of the child”. When people like Pauline Hanson and groups like the Australian Christian Lobby utter the sanctimonious ‘think of the children’ line, Croome says that children from samesex couples are affected most when same-sex rights are denied. “We know from studies from overseas that in places where same-sex couples are allowed to marry, children feel a greater sense of affirmation and inclusion within family and community life if the parents are allowed to marry and have equal parental rights. Obviously children will benefit from feeling more included and validated if their family is treated equally in the law.”

ISSUE 04 FASHION

FASHION

Model Students

ALISHA AITKEN-RADBURN ON DRESSING FOR SUCCESS.

hey are our student leaders; they make decisions, represent the student body and get things done. But do they accomplish all this in style? Dressing for university, jumping from lectures to tutes to afternoon drinks can already be too much CAMERON CACCAMO for some. Throw in EDSOC EXECUTIVE a board meeting or a Shirt: USU-branded EDSOC consultation with the Exec T-Shirt. Vice-Chancellor, and Pants: Just Jeans – they were on special, comfortable and don’t look suiting up has the too bad, what’s not to love? potential to become Shoes: Rivers – I’ve got weird more stressful than feet, so I need really durable and comfortable shoes! SRC elections. Describe your style: I go for a more Historically, the University of Sydney has produced undeniable fashion icons including Tony Abbott and Clover Moore. And in 2013, some standout student leaders are now considered sartorial trailblazers, too. Cameron Caccamo’s collection of C&S t-shirts from O-Week may in the future stand beside collections from Armani and Versace on the runway in Milan. They are our campus hacks, but can they hack it in the fashion world? You be the judge!

casual style, sometimes adding a button up shirt for a good mix of smart and casual. What’s your go-to uni outfit? Any C&S shirt and jeans, usually with a University of Sydney hoodie or button-up overshirt rolled up to the elbows. Do you feel pressure as a student leader to always look your best? Not at all – I'm not the type to wear suits every day, I rock up in whatever feels comfortable. Looking okay is a bonus! As a student, where do you think are the best places to shop? Rivers is fantastic – it's not top quality or overly-fashionable stuff, but it looks good for the price and will last a while!

PATRICK MASSARANI

SOPHIE STANTON

Suit: Hugo Boss Shirt: Van Heusen Tie: Canali Pocket Square: Ralph Lauren Describe your style: Gordon Gecko meets Peter Allen with a touch of Prince Philip and a glimmer of Liberace. What’s your go-to uni outfit? Presenting well goes a small way to commanding the respect of my colleagues. I can’t sit between the Vice-Chancellor and the Chair of Macquarie Group and defend anyone’s interests wearing a wifebeater, beret and yoga pants. Do you feel pressure as a student leader to always look your best? Consistency is key to building my visual brand. It can’t be Zegna one day, tracksuit the next. My average day will be open shirt, trousers and blazer with one of them being loud and obnoxious. As a student, where do you think are the best places to shop? We all need some blue chip items from dependable suppliers but I try and find some quirkier small tailors to make special pieces. Skin Deep on Elizabeth Street is a particular favourite.

Shirt: Topshop Necklace: Store in Tokyo Bag: Longchamp Shorts: Levi Sunnies: Raybans Describe your style: Smart casual with colour, a few statement pieces and a bit of edge. What’s your go-to uni outfit? Black skirt, casual top, statement necklace and leather jacket. Do you feel pressure as a student leader to always look your best? I have definitely added a few smarter, dressier items to my wardrobe. Rocking up to a board meeting in trackies wouldn’t be ideal. As a student, what do you think are the best places to shop? Online! I’m addicted. I just discovered the student discount on ASOS and it’s going to be the death of me. If you see me in the library on my laptop its most likely I’m shopping rather than studying.

UNDERGRADUATE SENATOR

USU BOARD DIRECTOR

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Smash it! JORGE NEVAS BULKS UP. A good friend of mine used to squat until he passed out. He would talk about getting on the pump as if it were better than sex, and he thought it was. He once said the hardest decision he ever had to make was, in 1978, to get a bikini wax. And the easiest decision was whether to bulk. Chicks love a big bloke, so do Californian voters. Arnie knew that. Bulking isn’t all about getting on the pump. It’s more about smashing.You’ve got to get your eggs – none of that pussy free-range shit – and smash them. Full cream milk: smash it. Chocolate milkshake: smash it. Banana milkshake: smash it. Vanilla Milkshake: smash it. I’m not sure about caramel milkshake. Smash your meats, your breads, your pastas, your rices. Tuna by the can, use the lid to shovel it in. Smash ice-cream, biscuits. Combine them. The Magnum Sandwich is your new bread and butter. Crack four eggs into a litre of milk, smash it. Now, I’ve heard a lot of the lads talking about this quinoa stuff. Heaps of protein, they reckon. Gets you big, they say. To me, that’s like rolling out a mat in a yoga class instead of pumping iron at the gym. Alright for your missus, but not for you mate. Be a man, and make sure an animal suffers to deliver you protein. Don’t just smash calories; preserve them too. Fitness is a false god. Beauty should be your idol. No more interval training, boxing or swimming. Try not to walk too much. In fact, if you’re sweating, you’re probably doing it wrong. Standing shoulder-width apart, dumbbell in each hand, staring straight into the mirror doesn’t require too much exertion.

THE BULKING DIET

In training for Pain and Gain, a film in which he plays a bodybuilder, Mark Wahlberg ate 10 meals a day. He weighed in at 210 pounds by the time of the film’s shooting. By a standard definition, Wahlberg would have been categorised as obese. What a legend. Here is the diet he was on (or, at least a spurious estimate of it). 4am: Wake up, pour yourself a bowl of Iron Man cereal, smash and repeat. Make yourself a side plate consisting of four slices of ham and a small (400g) knob of cheese. 4.30am: Gym. Remember not to sweat.

HEALTH

4.40am: Protein shake, mass builder shake and milkshake. Smash a four-egg omelette. 7am: Two beef burgers, preferably with some fat-heavy bacon, a fried egg and some cheese. Don’t even think about wasting stomach space on lettuce or rocket. In particular, don’t let any avocado get in there. You’re Mark Wahlberg, not Ryan Gosling: you don’t have to do bulked sex icon and sensitive new age guy simultaneously. 9am: A plate of brown rice with copious amounts of cream cheese stirred through it. Bit of a strange one, but those carbs will go straight to your arms (and your stomach, but that’s beside the point).

11.30am: Tuna pasta. TP to the initiated. Best served in a salad bowl, you’ll need a big serving. 2pm: Mid-afternoon liquid snack in the form of eight eggs. Crack them into a glass, smash them down Rocky-style. 4.30pm: Meat. Try something exotic if you like. Eat your dog if you have to. 7pm: Treat yourself to grilled salmon on a bed of rice. A whole one, on a bed of rice that could feed India. Don’t you dare think about vegetables. 9pm: Milk and cookies before bed. That is, 2 litres of full-cream milk and a ‘share’ pack of Tim Tams. 11.30pm: Wake up to forcefeed yourself a piece of cow.

ISSUE 04 SCIENCE & TECH

SCIENCE & TECH

Kooks on Kickstarter MADELEINE GRAY AND DIANA PHAM ARE INTERESTED IN FREE MONEY, ESPECIALLY IF IT HAS MORE THAN TWO ZEROS.

ickstarter is a platform where broke-ass creative entrepreneurial types can turn their ideas into reality. How? Crowd-funding.You create a project page on the website, including a detailed video proposal about what you intend to produce - anything from film to fashion, video games or comics.You simply set a target for how much money you want to raise and a deadline for when you want to raise it by. If you meet your target, you get it all. If you don’t, you get nothing. So far it’s been a success and such so that it’s not just attracting starving artists, but moneyed Hollywood-types as well. In March this year the creator of Veronica Mars, Rob Thomas, turned to Kickstarter to raise $2 million to make a Veronica Mars movie. Within 11 hours, the project had smashed its $2 million quota making it the fastest project to reach its goal in Kickstarter history. Altogether, 90,000 people backed the movie raising Rob Thomas (and Warner Brothers, who own the rights to Veronica Mars), a total of $5.7 million. But that pissed off some Internet commoners, partly because that $5.7 million is loose change for a multi-billion dollar industry. Other moviemakers in Hollywood followed suit. Writer and Scrub’s comedic resident Zack Braff went all gleamy eyed from the prospect of free money. Like The Veronica Mars movie, Braff shortly reached his $2 million target to fund his ‘Gen X’ angst movieWish IWas Here, which he’d write, star and direct. The Internet response was scathing and vitriolic, many calling Braff a ‘dickstarter’ for using a platform to raise money when he already had the means – (Braff isn’t cash-poor; his estimated earnings are around $22 million). Bloggers are criticising people like Braff and Thomas arguing

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Del

THE CONDOM CHALLENGE

that if famous people are using Kickstarter, it deviates attention and resources away from other small, unknown independent projects. Kickstarter overall has helped the little guys launch projects that have varied from innovative to being downright strange. PEBBLE E-PAPER WATCH: is the most highly funded Kickstarter project raising $10.2 million. The selling aspect of the project is the watch’s ability to display messages from either Android or iOS devices through Bluetooth. The watch is also waterproof and has a battery life that extends past seven days. THE 10-YEAR HOODIE: started up by a small designer label, Flint and Tinder. It’s a hoodie sweatshirt so sustainable and sturdy that it comes with a 10-year guarantee. If the Flint and Tinder hoodie has any defects or tears within 10 years of purchase, the NY based company will mend it for free. Exactly 9,226 people had backed the company’s idea, raising just over $1 million, double the amount they had asked for. RUNAWAY BRIDE THROWS MONEY AWAY: A LAS VEGAS STUNT TO CONNECT PEOPLE, CASH AND GARTERS: a woman from Vegas, (who was probably on an acid high when she came up with this idea), wanted people to pay her to walk around in a bridal gown and throw bouquets of flowers (with gift cards in them) at people. The project predictably failed, but not as badly as one might think – it got nine backers and raised $235 out of its $750 goal. KUZU, THE FEATURE FILM: tells us that “he wants to be a leading man, he wants to be taken seriously, but there’s one problem – he’s Asian.” The people behind the project wanted to produce a dramatic mockumentary about the struggles of Asian actors who weren’t being taken seriously in the movie industry. But the movie about struggling Asian actors struggled – only 65 people backed the initiative, raising $1,866 out of their $10,000 goal. Some dreams do remain broken.

Probably the dumbest thing on the Internet to date (and there’s lots of competition) is The Condom Challenge. Take a condom, snort it into your nostril, then regurgitate it out of your mouth. Or preferably don’t do any of these things. If you insist, the final step is to post a video of it on YouTube for posterity. Snorting condoms has been around since 2006. But it didn’t gain traction until April this year when content sharing websites like Reddit and Gawker started to share videos of teenagers (most famously Amber-Lynn Strong, which has over 2.2 million views) passing condoms through their windpipes. YouTube promptly removed popular condom snorting videos for violating the site’s Terms of Service (not to mention to avoid getting hefty legal suits from pissed off parents). The Condom Challenge went so viral, a campaign called ‘STOP Snorting Condoms!’ backed by celebrities like Ellen DeGeneres, Kanye West and Olivia Munn was launched to stop people from snorting latex. It was a good video, ‘cause choking on a condom is a pretty undignified way to end your youth.

AUTUMN HOODIES NEW RANGE INSTORE NOW

INSTORE NOW AT FOOTBRIDGE STATION, U SHOP, ACADEMIC DRESS AND THE WENTWORTH CAMPUS STORE.

ISSUE 04 39 MY WEEK WITHOUT

MY WEEK WITHOUT

Grindr

‘NSA NOW’ TAKES A BREAK FROM THE DAILY GRINDR.

’d be interested to know how many of Grindr’s other four million users would admit to being as totally addicted to the app as I am. There’s scarcely a moment when my fingers aren’t scrolling through its table of carefully chosen photos or making formulaic conversation with people I’ve never met and probably will never get to know. true love (it’s sufficiently self-aware that when you permanently delete the app for the man of your dreams it keeps your profile and favourite guys saved for when you inevitably re-download it). I never entertained any delusions that giving it up for a week would be easy: I, for one, love the chats, I love the enticing prospect of hookups, I love the relief from tutorial boredom.

hi... For the uninitiated, Grindr is a means for predominantly gay and bisexual men (I say predominantly because many of its users would assert with pride that they are “99 per cent straight”) to meet each other for ‘chat’, ‘dates’, ‘friends’, ‘networking’ (whatever that means) and ‘relationship’.When open, users can peruse the age, height, weight, race, photo and ‘headline’ of other users, all of whom are neatly arranged by geographical proximity. It’s functionally eHarmony without the hubris of promising

THE PLEDGE

Approaching the task with a certain masochism, I decided rather than deleting the app and allowing myself to forget about it entirely, I’d keep it on my phone, wedged between Facebook and Twitter, to be constantly watched by its demonic orange logo. At the same time, I turned off push notifications (a feature only available on the premium version Grindr Xtra for which $74.99 is gladly withdrawn from my iTunes account every year), so I wouldn’t be able to read any messages I was sent. My only connection with the Grindr universe would be the slowly increasing number of unread messages that appear on top of the app logo.

THE CHANGE

The absence of Grindr in my life was nowhere more strongly felt than in my Monday morning statistics lecture. On the up side, my productivity rose substantially over the week. The same was true for most things: in conversation with friends and study at home I found my concentration was enhanced. I still had the cravings. But it suddenly seemed as though giving up Grindr for the week was in my best interest.

hellllooo

THE MISGIVINGS

By day three my Grindr separation anxiety began to crystallise around some recurring thoughts: what if this was the week when I would have arranged the best date of my life?

wanna chat? What if one of the men who’d messaged me was the finest male specimen I’d ever encounter? I vocalised the thoughts to those around me repetitively, to the point that they too began to miss Grindr’s position in my life.

THE REALISATION

It was day seven and there were only hours to go before I’d find myself locked in Grindr’s warm embrace. Spoiler alert: this isn’t going to be one of those things where I realise I didn’t need Grindr all along and permanently delete the app. But something did click at 10:05pm that night. Rather than craving the app or what it facilitates, I found myself wanting something that Grindr couldn’t promise. Without the perpetual white noise of Grindr in my life, I realised that it might all just be a distraction. Maybe I didn’t want ‘mates & dates’ but something less transient. I had always thought the endless pursuit of love and monogamy was a false consciousness meant for straight people: that the breeders would love Blendr (Grindr’s heterosexual cousin) if it could ever take off. Maybe I wasn’t above all that. As the clock rolled over to 12pm, I opened the app. Nah, Grindr was good enough.

watchu up to?

BULL USUONLINE.COM REVIEWS

REVIEWS ALBUM REINCARNATED SNOOP LION

BOOK SALT, SUGAR, FAT MICHAEL MOSS

ALBUM WOLF TYLER, THE CREATOR

Reincarnated is a late-in-career dive into Rastafarianism, something Snoop Lion nee Dogg is not the first to do. The Rasta market is always there, an unchanging constant underpinning the fast-evolving rap game and the ever more theatrical pop charts. But Reincarnated isn’t Bob-Marley Rasta, it is annoying privileged stoner Rasta. The roots jams don’t go with Snoop’s collaboration with child squillionaire Miley Cyrus. Other Supafest-esque appearances include Drake, Chris Brown, Akon, Busta Rhymes and Rita Ora. The music is fine, I guess, but it’s not why all of us listen to Snoop and it’s not quite Rasta either; a smoker isn’t always a jammer.

Wouldn’t it be crazy if all along while we were looking the other way, campaigning against big tobacco and alcohol advertising, another huge industry invested in addicting us to products that were bad for us rolled along unchecked and made millions off us? Enter Pulitzer prize winning Michael Moss with his book about how the junk food industry has deliberately steered America’s diet towards food high in sugar, salt and fat, leading to a calamitous rise in obesity and what he thinks might be an addicted population. Whether or not you agree with his conclusions, it’s an informative and often frightening read.

Returning with his third solo album Wolf, Tyler, The Creator asserts his status as one of the most popular and controversial figures in hiphop. Ditching his distinctive DIY production for a more polished sound, the Odd Future collective founder delivers a captivating if unfulfilling record. Tyler’s characteristic aggression (‘Domo23’) is balanced with twisted ballads (‘IFHY’), smoother jams (‘Treehome95’) and classic alt-rap revivals (‘Rusty’). Unfortunately an overreliance on vulgarity and repetition (‘Tamale’ and ‘Trashwang’) leaves an impression of childishness and laziness, perhaps undeserved given Tyler’s lyrical prowess, evident between the cusses and slurs. Paired with fantastic cover art, Wolf will please rap fans, but not the casual listener.

JAMES CARTER

ELEANOR GORDON-SMITH

*****

CONCERT DANCING PIANOS WITH ‘VOICES HEARD’ THE CON

Pianists Paul Rickard-Ford and Natalia Sheludiakova thoughtfully designed this fascinating program of well balanced, integrated and iconic Modern American piano music. The two pianists became one. They achieved truly sensitive extentions of the composers’ inspirations and articulations. Their individual approaches to building form at the keyboard gave different perspectives on the way notes were approached and phrases were notated. Rickard-Ford’s ‘dancing hands’ application of phrases was executed with beautiful dexterity and Sheludiakova’s differing fingering style coaxed notes from the piano with sensitive application.

PETER STONE

*****

ROBERT NORTH

*****

SHOULDA BEEN THERE

GROOVIN THE MOO MAITLAND 2013

This year’s Groovin The Moo proved that a large music festival can still be successful without copious amounts of DJ’s and purple pills. Before hitting up the Maitland leg, I had only ever been to big festivals based in Sydney like Big Day Out, Stereosonic and Future, and to take a step away from the big smoke and experience the welcoming country culture was a massive breath of fresh air on many levels. There was an incredibly relaxed ambiance that you don’t experience when you’re

surrounded by munted pill-heads at city festivals. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not as if there weren’t drugs around, but with sniffer dogs few and far between, the wafting aroma of a joint was about as illegal as it got. The Temper Trap, Tame Impala, and The Kooks all smashed out exceptional performances. Twenty-one year-old Harley Streten (Flume) had the crowd in hysterics with the live mixing of his biggest tracks like ‘Holdin’ On’ and ‘Sleepless’. Tame Impala wowed fans with ‘Feels Like

We Only Go Backwards’ and ‘Elephant’, backed by intensely trippy visuals. The immensely talented The Kooks were on display with a polished act highlighted by their classic track ‘Naïve’, and The Temper Trap ended the night with a captivating performance which had the crowd belting out ‘Fader’ and ‘Sweet Disposition’. There is little doubt that I will be making the trip up to Maitland again next year.

ZANDA WILSON

ISSUE 04 REVIEWS

ALBUM

Free The Universe Major Lazer

CLASSIC COUNTDOWN

Manic Pixie Dream Girls

DIANA PHAM WANTS A RIFLE TO SHOOT SOME DOE-EYED BITCHES.

‘CLAIRE’ IN ELIZABETHTOWN

The term ‘Manic Pixie Dream Girl’ was actually invented for Kirsten Dunst in Elizabethtown. For 123 minutes, we watched the two-dimensional character of Claire be the muse of the sensitive new age male lead. It’s no wonder Rotten Tomatoes rated the movie a dismal 1.5 stars.

4 Bursting on the scene with their 2009 debut, Guns Don’t Kill People, Lazers Do, DJs Diplo and Switch have since established themselves as the foremost dancehall/moombahton/dub producers to have been born outside of the Caribbean. The long awaited and delayed follow up Free the Universe, the first Major Lazer recording since the departure of Switch, has a lot to live up to. Backed by a dizzying array of collaborators, Free the Universe is an ambitious collision of Jamaican stylings and transatlantic electronica. Alongside the recognisable 90s stars Wyclef Jean and Shaggy, are a slew of remarkably underrated albeit influential dancehall stalwarts, such as Elephant Man and Busy Signal. Popular American artists such as Santigold and Tyga, and international DJs, including Laidback Luke. By now music fans are also featured well acquainted with the smooth and subdued dub-styled ‘Get Free’ collaboration with Amber Coffman, the lead vocalist of New York indie-rock scene darlings Dirty Projectors, and should be warned that the album is far more diverse and up-tempo than this first single would suggest. The bass saturated Flux Pavilion collaboration ‘Jah No Partial’ beautifully reassociates dubstep with its reggae roots, combining the lyrical story of Rastafarian resistance with overdriven rhythms and a few magnificently intense drops. It’s unashamedly over the top and formulaic, but an entirely enjoyable example of mainstream dubstep done right. Similarly, it’s no surprise the dancehall-moombahton fusion ‘Watch Out For This (Bumaye)’ has gained significant airplay. With a suitably danceable beat and horn stabs, vocalist Busy Signal oscillates between violent imagery of Kingston Yardies and a catchy hook. Closing out the album, ‘Mashup the Dance’ provides a high-energy, percussion heavy dance floor anthem while ‘Playground’ tones things down with a relaxing reggae duet. Unfortunately, as a result of the record’s many styles, it lacks a sense of cohesion. Many tracks also fall into the trap of sounding too similar and repetitive (note: ‘Jet Blue Jet’, ‘Sweat’ and ‘Wind Up’). While the Bruno Mars – featuring ‘Bubble Butt’ will no doubt inspire booty-shaking in the club, in any other setting it’s an incessantly repetitive and childish track. Similarly, the appearance of Vampire Weekend front man, Ezra Koenig, on the liner notes for ‘Jessica’ may be titillating, but the lyrical content approaches a caricatured emulation of the Jamaican dialect.

ROBERT NORTH

*****

RUBY SPARKS

Zoe Kazan (who wrote Ruby Sparks) was offended when critics called her protagonist, Ruby, a Manic Pixie Dream Girl (MPDG). Kazan responded by saying the MPDG term is reductive and misogynistic because it lumps all quirky female leads into a stock character role. We’ve sent Kazan a memo – if you’re going to write a female character that’s as hollow and fickle as a paper cup, she’s a MPDG (it’s either that or she has a personality disorder).

‘HOLLY GOLIGHTLY’ IN BREAKFAST AT TIFFANY’S

Holly Golightly is probably the people’s choice of most adorable and bearable MPDG (she could kick a kitten in the face and we’d still think she’s delightful). Hepburn’s character, while predating the label, encapsulates the perfect MPDG: effervescent and quirky yet complicated and totally insane in the brain.

‘SUMMER FINN’ IN 500 DAYS OF SUMMER

The ultimate MPDG character is someone that will plant a bomb into your heart and watch it explode into smithereens after taking you IKEA shopping and singing The Smiths songs with you. Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s character Tom ended up suffering from writer’s block after Summer dumped him, writing things like “Roses are red, violets are blue… Fuck you, whore”.

ZOOEY DESCHANEL AS ZOOEY DESCHANEL

Deschanel is a triple MPDG threat: she is the vocalist and plays the ukulele in a two-person band that’s conveniently named ‘She & Him’, the only person who can pull off hipster glasses in Hollywood (without needing to don a school girl uniform), and is absolutely unattainable to the 98 per cent of men and women who want to bury their faces into her dark curly tresses (and stare into her deep blue, sad eyes).

BULL USUONLINE.COM CAUGHT ON CAMPUS

BRUSH UP ON YOUR SKILLS

DON’T PLAY WITH YOUR FOOD

THUMBS UP FOR TIE DYE

KICK TO THE HEAD UPSIDE DOWN MAN

INTERNATIONAL FESTIVAL: 30 APRIL – 2 MAY.

rom 30 April to 2 May, USU’s International Festival 2013 celebrated our diverse student community and the different cultures present on campus. The three-day cultural exhibition featured Brazilian dancers, martial arts showcases, an African drums performance and food and drinks from all around the globe. Here’s our favourite bits.

CAUGHT ON CAMPUS IMAGES TAKEN BY YOUNGTAE KIM

STAND CLEAR: SPLITTING MAN

SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE

LOOK AT MY GONG

FRENCH TEA PARTY

ISSUE 04 CLUB HUB

CLUB HUB

TRAVEL AROUND THE WORLD WITHOUT LEAVING CAMPUS WITH THESE CULTURAL CLUBS AND SOCIETIES.

CHOPSTICKS

Chopsticks is the Australian Chinese Cultural Appreciation Society. Any student who loves Chinese culture is welcome to join the Chopsticks family. They run events both on and off campus that have included eating Chinese food, playing Mahjong and movie nights. Contact: chopsticks.usu@gmail.com

Scandinavian Appreciation Society

SUTHAI

NATIVE SWEDE FREDRIK AHLBERG TELLS US ABOUT VIKINGS, MEATBALLS, AND SNOW-TIPPED MOUNTAINS.

ej hej! It’s time you heard about one of Sydney University’s newest societies: ScandiSoc. Or for those who aren’t too concerned about brevity, the Scandinavian Appreciation Society. This is a society designed to give you an outlet for your love of Scandinavian culture, be it a fascination with the Nordic languages or simply a deep-seated appreciation of Swedish meatballs. It’s your chance to get to know us Swedes, Danes, Finns, Norwegians and Icelanders a little bit better. What makes us tick? What are those strange noises we make when we’re talking to each other? I grew up in Sweden myself, just across the water from Denmark, and lived in Norway for three years, so I know a thing or two about Scandies, and I’d say it’d be worth your time to join us. The culture of Scandinavia is diverse, fascinating and wonderfully quirky. Everything about us, from our food to our architecture, is defined by a simple, practical elegance. We’re also generally quite humble (or pretend to be, anyway), which makes writing this sort of thing a tad difficult, but ScandiSoc is all about appreciating the things that make Scandinavia great. Sweden is, as you may know, the birthplace of IKEA. Norway is a country of extraordinary natural beauty, and if you’re looking for a good time, Denmark’s definitely the place to be. We’ve got good food, magnificent architecture,

a rather interesting history (Vikings) and – as everyone knows – we’re all ridiculously good looking. If you haven’t joined us already, I advise you to do so. But if you're not convinced yet, you’re welcome to attend one of our events and see for yourself. You might be wondering what sort of events ScandiSoc will be hosting. Are we just going to sit around and appreciate Scandinavia? Well, not quite. Our first event was held at Scubar in conjunction with the Sydney Unimates Society. We also held a rocking Eurovision party on May 19. Later on in the year, there'll be Viking and IKEA-themed events, and language meet-ups. These language meet-ups will be tailored to help foreign language students brush up on their skills, or give travelers returning from visits to Scandinavia a chance to keep practicing. For students who have recently returned from any of these countries, they’ll be a great opportunity to share your experiences and practice that beautiful clickety language that is so often overlooked. But even if you’ve never set foot in Scandinavia, you’re more than welcome to come and learn. Knowing a language like Swedish or Norwegian is hugely advantageous, as the differences between many Scandinavian languages are not very great. A person who speaks Swedish, for instance, can communicate quite well with Norwegians, and many Finnish people living close to the Swedish border speak Swedish themselves. And as for Danish, well, if you’ve got a pen and paper, you’ll manage. Whether you’re a flatpack aficionado or just love getting down to a great tune from ABBA, ScandiSoc is the society for you. Scandinavian culture has a lot to offer, and there’s absolutely no need to be shy. Even if you’re not already an appreciator of all things Scandinavia, we promise you soon will be.

Sydney University Thai Students’ Association (SU THAI) aims to unite Thai students across campus by holding social and educational events. They recently held an event selling Thai food on campus to raise money to rebuild a kindergarten classroom in rural Thailand. Being a member gets you some sweet discounts at a bunch of Thai restaurants around Sydney. Contact: usydsuthai.info@gmail.com

WASABI

WASABI exists to celebrate and promote Japanese culture on campus. Anyone who is interested in any element of Japanese culture is welcome, whether it’s the language, history, food, or even elements of pop culture like anime and manga. They also run joint events with other societies on campus and even with Japanese societies at other universities. Contact: wasabiweb@gmail.com

SUMSA

Anyone is welcome to join Sydney University Muslim Students’ Association (SUMSA), whether they are a practicing Muslim or just interested in Islam. They run a weekly lecture program, regular social events and also the annual Islamic Awareness Week. Contact: www.sumsa.org.au/contact-us The University of Sydney Union (USU) runs the Clubs & Societies Program at the University of Sydney. With over 200 registered clubs and societies, there’s sure to be a group that interests you. Visit usuonline.com for more information.

BULL USUONLINE.COM WHAT’S ON SHUTTER UP

SHUTTER UP

ROLLING A paint roller chills out in Graffiti Tunnel over the Easter holidays PHOTOGRAPHER: JAMIE KENNEDY [IPHONE 5]

SNAP!

Send us your unique, arty or just plain cool (as in, not another quad shot) campus snap to usubullmag@gmail.com. We’ll publish our faves each edition in full page glory. High-res, 300dpi jpegs only – portrait orientation.

ISSUE 04 STOP. PUZZLETIME

STOP. PUZZLETIME CROSSWORD

Grid A. 1

Sheet1 2

Grid B. 1

Sheet1 2

Issue Three solutions: I

R A

13 14

13 16

I R

A R

D N

A T

O M

R O

T G

T E

R S

C T

N S

A N

P D

N S L

O I

E N

R D

O N

E T

E I

D E

I P

T R

The first part of each clue is a complete clue for Grid A. The second part is a complete clue for Grid B. It’s up to you to decide where the split is. Some clues are incomplete; they contain only a definition. There are three pairs of answers that are anagrams of each other. The numbers of these clues are starred, but the answers can be in either Grid A or B.

initially threatened, I made protected and nourished in kettledrum (7)(7) To change five1 hundred is legal Page wrongdoing for those who mend clothes and tell of their regrets (7) (7) End up inside cheek, for misery is escaping (7)(7) Oddly arms me, or rounds Stalin for revealed wisdom (4)(4) Lay down rails in a rush to get away to adopt our silence in bed (4,6) (4,6) I doubt you like Iranian peeper’s hole (9)(9) A Durbevilles woman overturned benefit: “Get ______ here!” (5)(5) First lady needs extremely equal chances, thus ending lazy creep (5) (5) Sounds like James abbreviated his name and pants – it’s the elephant in the room (3,6)(9)

*05. Misbehave and begin scaling a mountain the night before sleep (8)(8) *17. Page 1 06. Supermarket, somewhat economical, displays double praise back (4)(4) *19. 07. Dave’s cocktail: the Lord’s chosen one has queen following detectives 20. for a drink (5)(5) 08. Friend is a small man making a 22. wooden fence, to dig if gent moves and can’t sit still (9)(9) ACROSS 13. Nonsense! Get away quickly after 01. Former queen reviews whistle pop 25. having lost more hair while studying song ‘Punches in Broken Leg’ (9) diseases (10)(10) (3,6) 26. 14. Hardly asleep at a funeral after 06. Striking a pose, old storyteller faced broad concept next to cleanliness up to weak coffee (5)(5) 27. (4,5)(9) 09. Measures the speed of British 16. Jogger is thinking right, philosopher paper on the heartless web of tries a lot; it’s all Greek to me(9)(9) principle (5)(5) 28. *18. Pulling apart gravy mix on top shelf 10. District Attorney and communist to buy supplies (7)(5,2) live up to stuntman and heed no 19. Munster breaks chestbone when adaptation, missing an arm (9)(3-6) DOWN weird man swallows rodent (7)(7) 11. Pacifist starts negotiating on colour 01. John left British school outside one 21. The French follow plan for syrupy about North British Prime Minister demon with energy in discovery (5) who despises broken heart (5)(5) of the past who arranged beer, (5) 02. The meaning of names brought up petrol (10)(6,4) before twitches mess up tiny Labor 23 One who’s paid to sell you food 12. On the 15th, Sid eschews hidden Is sometimes said to be more former UK PM (9) (4,5) regret after model, correct? (4)(4) rude (6) 03. George does laundry load and puts *14. Move toupee that has poor ending sentences between sentences (10) 23. Looks at, it’s said, places with before gale, missing a nanna, it tangible gloom-ending kingdom (5) (10) ends morose (7)(7) 24. Love god was sore, got up and, *04. Spoil fan looking for sex with the 15. We eased destruction of kelp, band, for example (7)(7) painfully sore, got up (4) This year, BULL brings you cryptic crosswords from a Sydney University student (Arts IV) known affectionately and pseudonymously as 'Ghoti'. Ghoti says hello, and that ‘BULL Magazine’ is an anagram of ‘I'm unglazable’. Any questions, comments, or complaints can be sent to ghoti.cryptic@gmail.com

WIN TICKETS TO SEE THE ‘HANSARD MONOLOGUES: A MATTER OF PUBLIC IMPORTANCE’, AT THE SEYMOR CENTRE

WIN ! Seymour Centre is giving away 3 double passes to ‘The Hansard Monologues: A Matter of Public Importance’, on Tuesday 23 July at 8pm. For your chance to WIN 1 x double pass, email your answer to the question below to competitions@seymour.sydney.edu.au by Monday 1 July. When and where was the first Commonwealth Parliament opened?

BULL USUONLINE.COM BULLSHIT

BULLSHIT A COLLECTION OF INANITIES AND INSANITIES, BECAUSE FAMOUS PEOPLE SAY DUMB STUFF TOO.

IT’S OFFICIAL...PREGNANT

@lindsaylohan

TELL ME THIS, ARE YOU UNATTRACTIVE?

John Laws, speaking to a caller describing her father sexually abusing her as a six year old.

THE STREETS ARE EMPTY. IT’S AS THOUGH A BOMB HAD DROPPED SOMEWHERE

CNN reporter Susan Candiotti reports from Boston, two days after the marathon bombings.

ASK AUNTIE IRENE

SPOT OF BOTHER OR NEED SOME ADVICE? EMAIL AUNTY IRENE AT USUBULLMAG@GMAIL.COM

“I LOVE LAMP” @justinbieber

JULIA GILLARD IS LIKE AN ALCOHOLIC

Steven Ciobo, MP for Moncrieff.

ED BALLS

1. ALONE 2. BROWN

A Reddit user gives reasons for circling a dark-skinned man in a picture of the marathon crowd.

WE DON’T KNOW SHIT

NBC’s Brian Williams accidentally puts on air a reporter speaking frankly at Watertown.

Dear Aunty Irene, my boyfriend wants me to move in with him and his mother so we can be closer to each other, but it’s a one bedroom flat so we’d all be sharing. What should I do? -Confused in Camperdown Dear Confused, I know you called yourself “confused” but I’m going to rename you “Freudian in Forest Lodge” because there aren’t any suburbs that start with O near Uni (‘O’ for ‘Oedpal’). Have you heard of Freud, pumpkin? He’s a man with a beard and a pipe who thought that all boys ages three to six want to boink their mothers. Lots of people who write to me live with their mothers and lots of people who write to me live with their boyfriends but I have to tell you, cupcake, I’ve never seen both

British MP, Ed Balls, becomes a sensation by accidentally tweeting his name for his first tweet.

I WILL NOW READ A SERIES OF TWEETS

Senator Rand Paul filibusters President Obama’s nomination of John Brennan for director of the CIA.

before. Here’s what we should do. Have you thought about whether your boyfriend might not have grown out of his Oedpal Phase? Does he take his mama for candelit dinners, sweetie? Has he ever said you remind him of his mother? Do you look like her? Do they spoon? Do they share a bed? All of this is very odd, petal, even if he breastfed until he was nine. The only way it isn’t odd is if he’s still a little boy like literally eight or so in which case would you send me your full name and address, sweetheart? I just want to send some nice men dressed as policemen over to see you. They’re not actually policemen, petal, so you don’t need to worry and you can tell them everything, alright love? Warmly, Aunty Irene

Dear Aunty Irene, I think I have a small penis. Help. -Concerned in Chippendale Oh poppet I’m sorry to hear you’re not totally happy with the way our grand overlord Xenu created you. It’s important to remember that all bodies are made equally beautiful if not equally functional. The first thing to do is be sure your penis is petit-sized and whatever your measuring tool is isn’t faulty. For instance, are you checking your trunk-junk against porn? Don’t worry about that, petal! All those men are peculiar like the elephant man, only it’s an elephant in their pants. Men in magazines are photoshopped, too, or on some lower-budget productions, it’s not a penis at all, it’s just play-doh with some

fishing wire inside to hold it up! If you’re sure it’s small you could adopt the same model. The other option is that you don’t have a small penis, your partner has a big orifice. Does your lady’s gynaecologist play echo games? Does your man experience a slight breeze up his nethers when he rides a bike? If so, my little daisy, you’re in the clear! Just ask your partner to cross their legs next time. All my love, Aunty Irene

WE ARE MAKING A DIFFERENCE Now serving 100% organic and Rainforest Alliance Certified coffee.

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Shop Now ^ Dell Coupon Terms and Conditions apply and are available at Dell.com.au/spp. Trademarks: XPS is a trademark of Dell Inc. Intel, the Intel Logo, Intel Inside, Intel Core, Ultrabook, and Core Inside are trademarks of Intel Corporation in the U.S. and/or other countries. Copyright: © 2013 Dell Inc. All rights reserved.