Responding not reacting

Judith Hanson

Did your Mum ever tell you to count to 10 before you said something angry or unkind? Well, guess what – she was right (us Mums usually are)? It is so easy to react in a negative way. Maybe the person you are talking to has just said something that you totally disagree with or know for certain is untrue…but is your immediate reaction appropriate or helpful? Would it be better to think before you speak?

It will depend on the circumstances and the relationship between you and the “offending” person but, in my view, it’s always better to pause. A few seconds of thought allows you the freedom to choose how you respond. Maybe the person you are talking to is an idiot (and you’ll probably never see them again) but what’s the value of telling them exactly what you think of them? Generally, when we react we are serving our own ego and may end up in a confrontational situation that will impact others.

When it comes to interactions with our customers, employees and colleagues I think it is always better to respond thoughtfully. Yes you may need to tell them that they are wrong but it will need to be done carefully so that you get the end result you need while preserving the relationship. In my experience the relationship is paramount. For instance, when you have to give a customer bad news, they will normally work with you to resolve the problem if you have built up a good relationship.

So take a deep breath (count to ten if it helps) and proceed carefully…then when you are alone you can scream, swear or otherwise get rid of your negative reaction!

The others

Ahh number three in the trip hazards is about actively managing the other stakeholders in your business. You need to take into account how it affects them if you want them to support and assist you in making the change. Here I thought I’d give you some further examples drawn from either my experience or in conversation with others who have made the change. I hope you noticed the recurring theme that they all want more access to you.

Clients. It would seem that clients should really not have any issues with you developing your business. However many an accountant has told me tales of obtaining new clients because they no longer had direct access to their existing accountant and disliked speaking to a different person every time they phoned.

■ Tip 1. Add your own personal development to your business plan. Use the competency guide to help you

Jacky Sherman The Consultants’ Consultant

In 2003 Jacky left as the CEO of the Royal National Orthopaedic Hospital and set up her own coaching company. Realising she knew little about marketing she found the support and help she needed from two main sources. First she undertook formal training with Asentiv, and the other source was the willingness of other business owners she met networking, to share their knowledge and contacts with someone who was not a natural networker. Now semi-retired she pays forward that generosity by mentoring others who have come out of employment as experts in their field but find that running a business at times is uncomfortable territory. She finds a way of helping the most unnatural entrepreneur build a business in a way that is natural to them.

07970 638 857 jackysherman@jackysherman.com jackysherman.com

Staff. The introduction of a management structure meant the staff no longer had easy access to the leader. This led them to ganging up on the new manager on the Friday of their first week and would not return to work the following Monday. As a result the leader had been through four managers in four months.

Family. In a coaching session the client recognised that they were self-sabotaging the business development work they had done. Her very successful father had never had time attend her sports day or school plays or birthday parties. To her success meant working long hours and neglecting her children. Then in one of those “aha” moments coaching is famous for, she recognised that right now she was working long hours and neglecting her children to be unsuccessful.

Like most trip hazards once you’re aware of them you can often devise your own avoidance tactics. However, I’ll add my three tips to avoid three trip hazards on your road to making a successful transition to be the business leader you want to be.

■ Tip 2. Be clear on what your new role will be. How you see yourself as this successful leader and how you present yourself to all your stakeholders

■ Tip 3. Take your stakeholders with you on your journey they will give you the reality check you need when you have those moments of selfdoubt. They’ll also be there to celebrate your success and make sure you do too!