6 minute read
5 Efficient Hugs to cope with changes
Breathwork therapy expert, multi-awarded Mentor and member of Business Fit Magazine advisory board, Viola Edward, looks at why we fear change so much and offers us some advice on how to accept it more easily.
Changes happen constantly, our body nature attests to that. We are continually changing, from eyelashes to cells, and yet we resist accepting change as an inherent part of life. Why are we so afraid of change?
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We fear we will not know how to face new situations in which we are not in control. In addition, we maintain the belief that with changes, we could lose what we have and, if we make a mistake, we would look like fools in front of others.
Those fears, in their different intensities, are signs of resistance preventing the new from becoming the new day to live. By delving into the pre-judgment of “better the known bad than the unknown”, fear cancels out the infinite possibilities of positively influencing what is about to happen. What resists, persists.
The greater the resistance to change, the greater the fear of change itself. Life follows the course we give it with our intentions, emotions, feelings and reasons. So how do we overcome this negative resistance to change? How can we get away from victimisation and self-sabotage?
The first thing is to stop the complaints, the crying, the fights, the blame, the curses...Accept we are afraid of the new reality which has arrived. Acceptance is a state of blessing, wholeness, and peace. Accepting is the first embrace of changes. When we are in this state, we stop fighting; we surrender to the inner self we share with divinity. It is a feeling of security like that felt by a baby in the protective arms of its mother. In the fight we breathe raggedly as if we were short of breath; In acceptance, our chest and abdomen are released and the air, which is energy, enters and leaves without stumbling.
The word acceptance is a transitive verb meaning to voluntarily receive what is given: to approve, to assume, to give input. The term comes from the Latin acceptare (to receive, accept, admit, approve, welcome, host). In turn, the past participle of the verb is acceptus which means welcome, well received, loved. Acceptance is not a defeat, rather it is an act of love and like all love, it takes great courage to approve and receive it.
From this first hug, we move on to the second, which is to review our limiting beliefs, asking ourselves what do we feel, perceive, believe, and think about the new situation that is emerging? In our essence we are beings full of skills and virtues. From a spiritual point of view, we would say we share divinity with God himself: “made in the image and likeness”, so we have created the limitations wrongly, but after repeating them they have become a veil which seems true. Maybe at this moment you need help from someone, be it a therapist or a friend who will listen to you without judgment. It is a blessing to have the opportunity to review our deepest beliefs, because then we will know a little more about what lies behind our unconscious.
This is one of the best benefits of change: they bring us closer to ourselves, to what we believe, feel and think. This invariably causes an awareness driving us to transcendence. The unconscious is like our DNA, evolved from memories acquired through existence, both ours and that of our parents and other ancestors. This is housed in what C. Jung called ‘the collective unconscious’ which is difficult to access through the rational mind. Rather we can arrive through the green paths of altered states of consciousness, which can be induced by changes in our lives.
Biochemist and neuroscience doctor Joe Dispensa says that if we change our thoughts, it automatically changes what we choose, as well as our behaviour, experiences and emotional state. “All of this will lead to important biological and physiological changes in the body and the brain. In a way we will become another”. When we discover our fears, face them and breathe into them, we reveal our ability to mobilise, to take action, plan objectives. This is the third embrace of changes. The awareness of change leads us to ask ourselves what we want in our lives.
At that moment we open new realities, new possibilities. Dispensa says that the frontal lobe of the brain selects different neural networks. Things learned or experienced in our lives are conjugated in a change of scenario and something new is created. “If the person can begin to imagine choosing new options in their life, reaching new goals and experiences, what the research teaches us is that, by mentally recreating it, they are preparing their brain for the belief that the experience has already taken place.
If you can combine this intention with a heightened emotion like joy, gratitude, appreciation, or inspiration, the body begins to believe that it is living that future reality. It signals new genes to adapt to the experience that has not yet occurred,” emphasises Dispensa.
The fourth hug begins with the question: How am I going to achieve the new dreams that have arisen? The answer is with the strengths and qualities which have accompanied us since we were born, together with those we have developed during the course of life. Faced with changes, the intelligence we have emerges with known and unknown gifts as a way to protect ourselves, giving us confidence in our potential creator.
Also, and very importantly, is to know we are not alone in the challenge of living the changes. Viktor Frankl, Austrian neurologist, psychiatrist and philosopher, says “existential self-realisation cannot be achieved without others. It is necessary to build bridges from one existence to the other...This means that the human being projects beyond himself, attracted to something that is not himself: to something or someone, to a meaning that must be fulfilled or to another human being whom we meet ”.
This awareness of being part of a family, a group, a community, makes us feel empowered. Empathy is food for the soul. Every time we help or are lovingly supported, our essence shines in expansion. For Frankl “the man reaches above himself towards something that is not himself, towards something or towards someone”.
The fifth hug is the positive attitude of cultivating our own happiness. Feeling responsible for our decisions and their consequences, implies our well-being does not depend on others. Assuming the changes implies leaving the confines of melancholy that lead us to think about the past. Our mind resonates with our emotional state. If we are happy, the positive expansion illuminates our thoughts; but if we are hooked by the sadness of what we are living, we will experience a perennial litany of negativity which will limit our thinking. Every change implies a new scenario in which we can find problems to solve and opportunities to enjoy.
If we are over-burdened by change, our vision blurs and we will only see derived problems. Our mind goes into negative resonance and we become unable to see the train of opportunities passing right in front of us. By paying attention to the colour of our thoughts, we can exit the drabness of monochrome and dive into rich thinking with a wide colour palette.
Viola Edward is a Personal and Corporate Advisor and multi-awarded Mentor. Humanitarian, pioneer of Breathwork and mental health fitness in the workplace since 1993, she is convinced that the practice of Conscious Breathing is at the core of every person’s wellbeing. Co-owner of GRIT Academy and Kayana Consulting, Author Breathing the Rhythm of Success and Who Makes the Bed?, co-author of 10 more books. www.violaedward.com
Viola Edward
