Calm Yourself

in Stressful Circumstances Instantly

Mindfulness coach, Bhupinder Sandhu, provides our readers with a simple, but effective technique giving you instant calmness when faced with a stressful situation, enabling you to take back control over this emotion.

“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In this space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom”. Victor Frankl

There is a big lie we tell ourselves in times of stress. It makes us feel lost, scared and unloved, as if we are trapped and helplessly swept away by a storm. Our heads can fill with terrifying images, words and stories about the cause and who is to blame for our unwanted pain. Sounds familiar? If so, you are not alone. You are normal. This is how humans react biologically to stress.

So, what’s the big lie?

The big lie is that we have no control over our response to stress. In fact, we do. Lots of control. I’ve fought harder in my fair share of tough times. I have experienced financial and employment problems, health problems and difficult relationships within family.

But that’s not the worst. The worst part is that I grew up as a very sensitive person, internally reacting to almost anything that could be interpreted as negative. For the feelings above, I desperately sat at the bottom of the “feel them

all” scale. That was until a particularly difficult relationship caused me so much stress and anxiety that I grew weary of my subconscious reactions and vowed to do whatever I could to stop it (or make it easier.)

Through research and many experiences, I have created a convenient way to instantly calm myself down anywhere, anytime, when a meditation pillow or a relaxing book was out of reach. The technique was so simple and powerful that it got me through a heart-breaking experience in this relationship and has kept me together in many experiences since.

It’s easy to remember, has an instant effect on your mental body, and most importantly, it’s pretty simple to remember and use when you’re going through the eye of your own storms of stress.

How to calm down in two minutes

Take a moment now to get comfortable and try these four steps yourself:

1. Freeze.

Remember the game you played when you suddenly stopped moving, as if you were frozen in ice? Do this now. Turn off your body parts, your emotions, and your thought processes. Think of yourself as a cartoon character who has been hit with a stun gun. You can even make it a bit dramatic if that helps.

2. Concentrate on your index finger.

For twenty to sixty seconds, focus only on the back of your index finger. Let your mind and body consume it. Bring it closer to you. Study the rivets, folds, and those little fingerprint lines. If your situation is noisy, allow the sounds around you to merge into a single background buzz and let it disappear from your attention.

3. Breathe carefully.

Stop focusing and take back control of your body. Breathe deeply and consciously, then let it pass through your mouth, slowly and calmly, creating a wave of relaxation that begins in your chest and floats through your being on the surface of your skin.

4. Look around you consciously.

As you re-integrate into your surroundings, scan the scene in front of you. Remain as indifferent as possible to what you are focusing on as you would when you wake up in the morning. Take note of the thoughts you are trying to push back into your head and visualise them with curiosity.

How are you?

You may feel a little more in touch with your senses now, away from previous thoughts and connected to the present moment. Most importantly, you will recognise that the root of your discomfort lies in your thoughts. Everything else, like emotions, physical discomfort, and pain, starts there.

If you have trouble slowing your mind at first, try this: If you meditate regularly, spend the last minute of your session focusing on the same finger, in the same manner. Doing this will associate (or anchor) feelings of clarity, relaxation, and dedication to action.

And if you’re not meditating, now is a good time to start! This will help your ability to cope with stressful situations in general and will greatly increase the effects of this technique.

Why this technique works?

Stress is physical or mental tension, both of which manifest itself in your relationship with the train of thought in your head. Mindfulness allows you to come out of the procession and watch it go by, without being carried away by the current of the river.

When we are carried away by a strong current, our emotions and our bodies react as if the danger or pain in the thought is real, immediate and needs to be addressed now. This is why we feel uncomfortable even when someone reminds us of a stressful situation that we were trying to overcome.

Reconnecting to the present reminds us that this is the only moment that really exists. Focusing on the hands is an ancient Ayurvedic practice which helps to strengthen the soul and ensure the stability of the physical body.

Bhupinder Sandhu, is a mindfulness coach, a devoted mindfulness practitioner and Founder of Aksa Valley. Sharing the art of mindful living with the World is his passion and purpose. He believes that anyone can create the kind of incredible inner change he has undergone once they know how. bhupinder@manzeerasolutions.co.uk - ww.manzeerasolutions.co.uk aksavalley.com