February: The month to grow family love and laughter—Part II

IN my previous column, I shared my thoughts on why I believe it is so important today to build family love and laughter. I shared how mental health problems have become a “closer to home” issue for many families due to the extremely prolonged lockdown of children in the Philippines out of physical school that greatly curtailed their face-to-face social interactions. I also shared that if we hope to nurture emotionally-strong children, we as parents, should also work on our own emotional strength. I shared the concept of building our own “Joy Bank” so that when hard times arise, we have precious memories to draw strength from.

My two kids are now 16 and 13. I have seen how they go through various adversities in their lives, be it issues involving their academics, friends, sports or as devastating as the death of loved ones, I see how they face these more difficult emotions or anxieties by directing themselves to the many blessings life has given them. My daughter now better verbalizes this and tells me how lucky and safe she feels at home to be able to share her fears and frustrations, and after crying things out she is able to go back to her happy family memories.

Many of these happy family memories involve lots of play and adventures during weekends. We would usually spend Saturday nights at home with games, activities and art. Sunday would usually be either a trip to the bookstore or a family road trip. There are also loving memories built from our family travels. Every end of the month, I would do my “play tools” run to the toy store to stock up on games, art materials and other entertaining play tools that may be related to what my child is learning in school. I was very consistent with our Saturday Play Nights from toddler to 10 years old. I personally believe and saw how this family habit of playing and laughing together has had long-term results in the emotional outlook of not just my children but also us as parents. My primary goal then was to foster good familial connections. We all have different personalities, but common activities allow us to have fun together. During this time, I try to suspend my parental comments and let them be. I remember when Marcus was 4, he would get so mad if he lost in a game. I would allow his outburst then casually tell him that losing is part of life, but what’s good is that when you play the game again, you welcome the chance of winning. We’d tell him to join in when he was ready. Sometimes, he would storm out to go back to his room. Other times, he would come back and join in.

I also discovered that in picking common activities, kids love for their voices to be heard. Preferences are not the same so at times arguments arise, but that’s okay. Negotiating and reaching a compromise are always challenging but fun to watch, especially among siblings. We all get to choose two