Stopping an argument

WHEN leading people, you will have arguments with other group heads who might see things differently because they also need to look out for their own teams. When this happens, you do not have to resolve the issue right away and the best thing to do is to stop the argument and come back to it when both parties have cooled down. You need to do this to maintain good relations with the other teams because you know that you will be needing them later on.

In dealing with arguments at work, you will only aggravate the situation if you shout, or if you are constantly on their backs. If needed, take a break from each other so you can simmer down and evaluate where things are going. People may not be aware of the gravity of what they have done, so be careful with what you say. Even if they have wronged you and even if you are in the right, they also have feelings and what you say will matter when things have cooled down and both of you are trying to resolve the argument. As a general rule, do not say anything that would permanently damage your professional relationship. Remember that actions have consequences, and it does not really matter who is wrong or right. What matters is how both of you can move forward so that you can professionally work with each other again. There are consequences that will unnecessarily trigger and disrupt your working relationship but try talking these out so that one is aware of what the other person is feeling. If possible, plan what you both can do when this happens.

Take a break from each other for a while. Just walk away and give them the space they need to evaluate what just happened and to hopefully find ways to re-establish your working relationship. This also does not mean stonewalling the other person by just sitting there and ignoring whatever they say. This only aggravates the situation further because it tells the other person that you are unwilling to compromise. When you tell them that you need to step away and think about how to resolve the issue, assure them that you are doing so because you want to find a way to make it work. This gives both of you room to think without further antagonizing each other.

When they tell you how they feel, do not invalidate their feelings by saying that they should not feel that way, or that they are being too sensitive. Acknowledge how they feel but also assure them that you are working on your part to make the professional relationship work. Be prepared that the working dynamics might change but assure them that you will treat them with respect and courtesy. In all these, learn to put yourself in the other person’s shoes and how they would react if you pursue certain actions so that they will understand that you are serious in maintaining good working relations with them.

In dealing with others in an argument, you also need to be mindful of your own feelings and emotions. Sometimes, personal issues and current work conditions affect the way we deal with others.

before talking to them.

If you are in the wrong, the most powerful thing you can say is “I am sorry.” This shows that you accept responsibility for what you have done and helps the other person move past being angry to finding solutions. But when you do say you are sorry, be specific on what you are asking forgiveness for. Some people just say sorry but do not understand how their actions have affected the other person. When you apologize, be as specific as you can with saying you are sorry so that the other person knows what they are forgiving you for. If you cannot say you are sorry, at least offer that you will think about it. A flat-out refusal tells the other person that you have come to a conclusion already and that you refuse to listen. I have been in an argument where I was told that I was stubborn and that I should remember that he was not a bad person. That made me realize that the one I was arguing with was also a person with feelings and my outright refusal to listen clouded my judgment. And because I was lost in my anger, I did not see how little details affected what we were arguing about.

Make the other person understand that you know where they are coming from so that they can become less combative. As someone leading other with what they did. It merely tells the other person that you see it from their point of view. Assuring them you understand helps break down their defensive barrier and puts both of you in a position to work on a solution rather than looking for reasons to blame the other.

If the arguments keep recurring, probe deeper to know the root cause of the problem. Arguments can sometimes be symptomatic of a deeper issue between you and the other leader.

You need to get to the bottom of the issue so you can also protect your team from carrying the burden of repeatedly answering the same issues. Find out why the issue keeps recurring and develop action plans to address the root cause. This prevents future arguments and helps ensure your team can work smoothly with others.

When we get in an argument, the natural instinct is either to fight or flight. Arguments help both parties in identifying what they need to work on if they are to continue working with each other. But there are times when you just have to stop and walk away so that when you go back to each other, you are both in the proper state of mind to arrive at a solution. But when an argument pushes both parties against the wall repeatedly, it might be best to just agree to disagree and walk away from it all. n

THe UgLy SIDe OF beAUT y: CHeMICALS IN COSMeTICS

THReATeN COLLege-Age WOMeN’S RePRODUCTIVe HeALTH

WALK through the personal care aisles of your local store and you’ll see dozens of products that promise to soften your skin, make you smell better, extend your lashes, decrease wrinkling, tame your curly hair, or even semi-permanently change the color of your lips, hair or skin.

Remember the adage “If it seems too good to be true, it probably is”?

Many of product promises like these are based on chemicals that can also be hazardous to your health, including endocrine-disrupting chemicals that can interfere with fertility and reproduction, fetal growth and infant development.

That’s a big concern, because these products are heavily marketed to young women in the years before they might consider starting a family.

Recent studies have demonstrated that college-age women use cosmetic products at higher rates than other groups. Additionally, many of these young women are unaware of the health risks from frequent use of popular products containing contaminants of emerging concern. And finding cleaner alternatives often means paying more.

As an epidemiologist who has fought my own fertility battles, I study exposure to endocrine-disrupting chemicals found in everyday products, such as cosmetics, shampoos, lotions and plastics. I have been working to raise awareness of the health risks to young people and encourage prudent use of cosmetic products.

According to the US Food and Drug Administration, the term “cosmetic” can include deodorants, perfumes, lotions, nail polish, shampoos and other hair products, as well as eye, lip and face makeup.

This is important to know, because unless these products are used to treat a condition, such as dandruff or perspiration, they are not federally regulated in the same way drugs are. That leaves it up to cosmetic companies to decide how to communicate product safety.

Personal care products contain many types of chemicals that manufacturers add for specific purposes, including some that can interfere with or disrupt the normal functioning of the endocrine system. For example, they commonly add UV filters like oxybenzone to protect skin from sun damage, phthalates to enhance fragrance, parabens and triclosan for their antimicrobial properties, and per- and polyfluoroalkyl substances, or PFAS, to enhance durability.

However, not all of these chemicals are present in all products, so figuring out how to avoid exposure can be complicated. For example, in a 2021 review of studies detecting endocrine-disrupting chemicals in daily-use cosmetic products, phthalates were present in perfumes, shower gels, shampoo and nail polish. Parabens were detected in lotions, creams, shampoos, body wash, face cleansers and lipstick. Triclosan was detected in toothpastes, soaps and other cleansers. And UV filters were present in sunscreens, lotions, toothpaste, and lipstick.

Many of these chemicals can co-occur in products, putting consumers at risk of exposure to multiple chemicals at once, and sometimes without warning, as labels do not always list endocrine-disrupting chemicals among the ingredients.

Why are chemicals in cosmetics a health risk?

As you rub cosmetic products onto your skin, breathe in their scent or use them to brush your teeth, the chemicals found within can travel throughout your body, targeting your endocrine, nervous and cardiovascular systems.

When these chemicals are endocrine disruptors, such as phthalates, parabens, triclosan and PFAS, they can mimic naturally produced hormones or block hormone receptors. Their presence can result in abnormal hormone production, secretion or transport throughout the body.

These hormonal changes can lead to reproductive problems, including poor sperm quality, miscarriage and endometriosis. They can also lead to thyroid disruption and abnormal growth and development.

Neurological conditions such as attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), cognitive impairment and depression have also been linked to chemicals added to cosmetic products. So have cardiovascular issues such as high blood pressure, insulin resistance and coronary heart disease.

The level of risk is often difficult to measure and depends in part on the amount of exposure, the type of chemical and how the chemical interacts with the endocrine system. One study of women ages 18-44 in Utah and California found increased exposure to a common phthalate was associated with twice the odds of developing endometriosis, which can be painful and interfere with pregnancy. THE cONVERSATION