Como Living - february march 2018 by The COMO Companies Magazines | COMO Magazine

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F E B RUARY/M AR C H

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A BUSINESS TIMES COMPANY PUBLICATION

EDITORIAL Deb Valvo, Publisher Deb@BusinessTimesCompany.com

Beth Bramstedt, Editor Beth@BusinessTimesCompany.com

Matt Patston, Managing Editor Matt@BusinessTimesCompany.com

Madison Love, Department Editor Madison@BusinessTimesCompany.com

LE T TER from THE PU B LISHER DESIGN Cassidy Shearrer, Graphic Designer Cassidy@BusinessTimesCompany.com

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MARKETING R E P R E S E N TAT I V E S Deb Valvo, Marketing Consultant Deb@BusinessTimesCompany.com

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Amy Ferrari, Operations Manager Amy@BusinessTimesCompany.com

Beth Bramstedt, Director of Content

LOVE/HATE I have a love-hate relationship with the month of February. And I won’t pretend that any of my feelings — either way — are rational. Some of what I love about February: • Since the days are a little longer, I get to wear my sunglasses home from work. FALL IN LOVE WITH • There’s more chocolate floating around the office, and I indulge in far more than my fair TAKING CARE OF share. YOURSELF. MIND. • Winter is coming to a conclusion — thank God. BODY. SPIRIT. • It’s the month of my granddaughter’s birthday (this year, she turns two!) • It’s entertaining to witness the various love-related activities. A few things I don’t love about February: • I’ve eaten far more than my fair share of chocolate. Repeatedly. • Even though the days are longer, it’s typically quite gray and sunglasses are rarely needed. • Winter is NOT coming to a conclusion, as I was so cruelly led to believe. • It’s hard to love love in February if you’re not in love. Evidently, we’re in the minority this time of year. What I do love, though, is this issue. There’s not much that’s more rewarding than sharing the stories of caring, amazing, interesting people, and this issue does just that. We hope you enjoy reading it as much as we enjoyed putting it together. Here’s hoping you have a positively lovely February!

Deb Valvo Publisher

Beth@BusinessTimesCompany.com COMO L I V I N G

F E B RUA RY/ MA R C H - 2018

COM O LIVING Business Times Company 2001 Corporate Place, Suite 100 Columbia, MO 65202

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CONTRIBUTING PHOTOGRAPHERS Keith Borgmeyer, Brandy Hedrick, Anthony Jinson, Love Tree Studios, Sadie Thibodeaux

LE T TE R from TH E E D I T O R

LOVE LIVED OUT Our relationships are the sweetness of life. They enrich us, challenge us, and grow us. They come in all shapes and flavors. Some are bound by blood, others by a connection of the soul. And sometimes they flourish in the most unlikely places. Yet they all share one common ingredient: love. I have been anticipating this issue for a year — dedicating 92 pages to highlighting what friends and family mean to our TOGETHER, community. Showcasing what love, lived out, can look like. In these pages you’ll find stories of endearing friendships and WE MAKE A couples whose love has carried them for decades. FAMILY. You’ll meet women who embody love for our community, whether it be through teaching yoga, helping single moms, or meeting the needs of the First Ward. You’ll read stories of women choosing to love themselves by overcoming tragedy, addiction, and the lies of their youth. And you’ll be challenged to do the same. So take a journey through our pages; relish your own relationships and form some new ones.

CONTRIBUTING WRITERS Aaron Banks, Beth Bramstedt, Nicole Flood, Rebekah Hall, Brandon Hoops, Madison Love, Jordan Milne, Carolyn Paris, Elizabeth Quinn, Tiffany Schmidt, Teresa Shields Parker, Doug Solliday, Jennifer Truesdale, Jen Wilson COMO LIVING BOARD Nancy Allison, Barbie Banks, Muriel Browder, Adonica Coleman, Ann Merrifield, Kathy Lou Neale, Jill Orr, Carolyn Paris, Stacie Pottinger, Michele Towns, Justin Wilson

COMO LIVING INTERNS Elizabeth Quinn, Tiffany Schmidt, Chelsea Skidmore —

With love,

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Beth Bramstedt

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On the Cover

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Suzanne Rothwell, executive director of advancement at Columbia College, and her daughter, Olivia, a senior at Rock Bridge High School, grace the cover of our Friends and Family Issue. Photo by Keith Borgmeyer.

$5.95 per issue, or six issue subscription for $29.95. Call Amy Ferrari at 573-4991830 ext. 1003 to place an order or to inform us of a change of address.

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CO N TE N TS FEATURES / DEPARTMENTS

58 14 Letter from the Publisher 15 Letter from the Editor 19 About the Board 21 Shelf Life: Embracing Option B 23 Transformations:

42 Gourmet: A Breath of Fresh Air 49 Fashion: Sharing Closets 55 Feature: Made from Scratch 58 Feature: Laying Down Roots 62 Feature: COMO Loving 68 Health:

Gina Ridgeway Long Home Tour: Columbia’s Best Kept Secret

41 Libations:

The Winding Road to Parenthood

Seasons: Late Bloomer

81 83

85 87 90

Growlers, Pints, and Beer Cocktails COMO L I V I N G

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Life Coaching: The Challenge of Being Unleashed: Choosing Health For What It’s Worth: Shop Local Antique Malls February/March Datebook Strong Woman: Kelly DeLine Couple You Should Know: Bennet and Kim Fallis

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ABOUT THE BOARD

ACTS OF KINDNESS

Simple ways to make someone’s day.

COMO Living’s Advisory Board members share their experiences with extending kindness to those around them.

MURIEL BROWDER

KATHY LOU NEALE

MICHELE TOWNS

Community Volunteer

Edward Jones

Lutheran Family and Children’s Services of Missouri

I’ve always enjoyed films. In the 1980s, it was a weekly event to go to the Blockbuster store with our three children to rent movies and video games. (How sad we were when our store closed!) When Redbox popped up a few years ago, I began renting movies again. One evening, as I opened my DVD case, to my surprise, there sat a $5.00 bill with a note that read “We hope your family enjoys some popcorn, too.” The kids had grown, so my “family” was now just me, but I’ll never, ever forget the joy I felt when I saw that bill. Since then, I’ve never returned a movie without a note and $5.00 bill. I want someone else to feel as happy as I felt with that kind surprise.

Earlier this fall, I hosted a group of neighborhood ladies for our monthly dinner gathering. I used my mother’s best Lenox china and matching crystal. A few days later, I received a precious handwritten note from one of the attendees, who took the time to express her appreciation for the evening and the opportunity to get away from the daily grind and relax in the atmosphere of good friends and a nice table. Her note meant so much to me that I saved it. There’s something very comforting about a letter from someone. Like a good book, I can hold it in my hands, read and re-read it, savor it. I hope to bless others with a random note of appreciation for who they are and what they mean to me.

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I had an opportunity recently to show kindness to a new social worker who was getting her first apartment here in Columbia. The apartment wasn’t furnished, so my colleagues and I decorated it for her. The apartment manager helped us secretly move in all of the items, and then we hid in a closet and surprised our friend. Seeing the look on her face was the best experience I could ask for!

I was taught to write thank-you notes at a young age. It wasn’t my favorite thing to do, but at least it was only twice a year — after my birthday and Christmas. It became second nature, ANN and not just for holidays: MERRIFIELD thank yous for dinner, Columbia College a gift, a hug, or a glass of wine. In my job as director of alumni relations at Columbia College, I’m constantly writing notes. Thanks for attending an event, congratulations on your job promotion, etc. I received a phone call the other day from a young woman that I’d written to; she was expressing her surprise and thanks for receiving it. “Honestly, Ann, you have no idea how much your random act of kindness meant to me — it truly made my day,” she said. “Thank you for taking the time to write me.” Random act? Not so much. Acts of kindness should be deliberate. Try to make someone’s day.

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SHELF LIFE

EMBRACING OPTION B Bu i ld i ng re s i l i e n ce i n t i m e s of l oss.

by J E N W I L S O N

ption B” is a modern take on grief and resilience. Sheryl Sandberg, COO of Facebook and author of “Lean In,” invites us behind the curtain to experience the tragic loss of her husband, David, and the process that she and her children went through following his death. Her friend and co-author, psychologist Adam Grant, assures Sheryl throughout that resilience is not a fixed thing — she can build up her strength and speed of response to adversity, and so can we.

HELPING OURSELVES The lessons of resilience in the face of loss, disappointment, and grief are applicable to many areas of life where we find ourselves suddenly without our Option A. Whether it’s loss of a loved one, a marriage, a job, your health, a relationship, or some other painful void, the process of finding our own Option B can bring a sense of community and shared experience to the process of grief. I lost my Option A at mid-life, and my grief was compounded by multiple losses at once — health, career, community, friendships. I felt adrift without my former bearings, and I had to pivot to my life as it is now, not what it was or what I planned for it to be. I needed an Option B. Sheryl and Adam move from the basics, like how to survive and breathe when the loss is fresh, to talking about your feelings, seeking support and comfort, practicing selfcompassion, and regaining self-confidence. The book then turns to post-traumatic growth and giving, as well as the essential steps of finding joy again, raising resilient kids, and building resilience together in community.

admit that I’m terrible at this — I think most of us are. Allowing ourselves or others to grieve and embrace pain is incredibly hard, and it can make people feel uncomfortable. It reminds us of our own failings, mortality, and loss. Sheryl explains how hurtful it is when no one mentions your loss. I recognized that feeling — that’s how it was for me. Usually people are

HELPING OTHERS Perhaps one of the most practical applications of “Option B” is to equip the reader with tools for helping loved ones who are suffering. I must COMO L I V I N G

concerned about causing more pain by bringing up something painful, but by staying silent, we can unintentionally isolate family, friends, and co-workers. Instead, Sheryl tells us to talk to them about it. At one point, she suggests that we stop asking the generic question “How are you?,” to which everyone feels pressure to respond positively, and replace it with “How are you today?” With this question, you’re acknowledging that every day is a different kind of hard, and you might even get a frank response: “I feel really sad today.” Sheryl’s vulnerability with her story, and the invitation to sit with her, metaphorically, during a deeply private process, is a rare and generous gift. Sheryl and Adam are careful throughout the book to acknowledge how profoundly personal and unique each person’s loss is: they’re not offering perfect answers because there are none. Instead, Sheryl offers herself and her story as a testament of resilience and growth.

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“”

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T R A N S F O R M AT I O N S

FROM ADDICT TO ADVOCATE

Gina Ridgeway Long leaves meth behind to be a mom. story by E L I Z A B E T H Q U I N N | ph o to s by K E I T H B O R G M E Y E R

t was like battery acid was eating my nasal cavity,” says Gina Ridgeway Long. “I was crying and screaming. Within 10 minutes, the burn was gone and that something that had been missing — I thought I had found it in drugs.” For Gina, that night started an almost decade-long addiction to methamphetamine. She says those were the darkest years of her life. “I used to say that I lost everything, but the truth is, I gave it all away for meth,” she says. “That was really hard to face. It’s still hard to talk about.” Twenty-one years later, Gina is a happy wife, mother of five, director of non-acute services for Phoenix Home Care, and an inspiration for others. Every morning, she starts her day in her “war chair.” This is the place where she sits, drinks coffee, reads — whether it’s her 12-step fellowship, her Bible, or some other spiritual material — and reflects on her life thus far. THE EARLY YEARS Gina’s story starts in a rough neighborhood in north St. Louis, where her childhood took a toll on her and her siblings. Her mom suffered from mental illness, and by the time she was 10 years old, Gina had already seen an overdose on the church steps across the street. She was pregnant by the age of 15. “Over the course of the next several years,” Gina shares, “I started to experiment with drugs and with people. I wanted attention, I wanted to be liked and to be popular.” When Gina got older, she entered an unhealthy relationship that mimicked that of her parents.“I entered a mad love, toxic, and often violent relationship,” Gina says. “It lasted 13 years.” Gina and her partner had three kids together. During this time, Gina would smoke marijuana occasionally, and she drank regularly. Since she thought the high from

marijuana wasn’t harmful, she began to dabble in other drugs, thinking they’d be the same. She tried mushrooms, cocaine, pills — at the time, she was willing to try anything at least once if her kids weren’t around. “I didn’t really like any of the drugs,” Gina shares. “I used them to numb the pain of my present life.”

“I DIDN’T REALLY LIKE ANY OF THE DRUGS. I USED THEM TO NUMB THE PAIN OF MY PRESENT LIFE.” In 1996, Gina and her partner were in Illinois without the kids for a wedding. She loved her kids more than anything else, but she still felt like something was missing. Her partner asked if she wanted to try something called crank. Gina didn’t know what crank

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was; he described it as “cocaine with a kick.” When she tried it, she immediately began to feel a burning sensation in her sinus cavity. After 10 minutes, the pain was gone. The drug gave her the something she had been searching for. “It felt like a warm, fuzzy blanket had just been placed around me,” she says. “I felt like I was pretty, smart, witty, loved.” During this time, Gina used intravenously every day. The addiction ended up costing her the things she cared about most: her kids and their home. A RENEWED MOTIVATION Between 1999 and 2005, Gina was in and out of treatment facilities nine times. Only one of those times was she asked to go as part of her probation. The other eight times, Gina made herself go. “I wanted to be a mom again,” she says. “I wanted normalcy for my kids. I wanted for them to feel loved and comforted and stable.” She finally felt so consumed by self-pity and hopelessness that she surrendered.

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T R A N S F O R M AT I O N S On March 22, 2005, with the encouragement of her two boys, Gina walked into a 12-step fellowship. She identified on some level with everyone who shared that day; the group became a way for her to see what her life could be. “They were like a life source or life energy,” Gina says. If they could do it, she could too. So she got a sponsor, joined a home group, started being of service, and attended meetings every night. To this day, she still attends 12-step meetings regularly. “I asked God for one more day clean,” Gina says. “That’s how I got through it: taking it day by day, minute by minute.” She believed if she could stay clean for the next five minutes, she could stay clean for the following five minutes. Then, before she knew it, she was able to stay clean for 12 years. “If it had not been for the support network,” Gina shares, “I don’t know where I would be today.” A FULFILLING LIFE Gina has now overcome something she never thought she could. Her relationship with her family and extended family has completely changed — it’s close, beautiful, and wonderful.

“IF IT HAD NOT BEEN FOR THE SUPPORT NETWORK, I DON’T KNOW WHERE I WOULD BE TODAY.” “My life is flipping amazing today,” Gina says. “I have an amazing career, marriage, family, friends, community and business relationships, and a solid and trusting relationship with God.“ As a transformed woman, Gina is now giving back. She is happily married to Steve Long, whom she met in recovery. They are parents to five children and grandparents to nine (soon to be 10). They are also building a nonprofit, the Just One Foundation. “I want to help the still-suffering addict,” Gina shares. The foundation will help

identify the needs of the community and respond to them. Gina and Steve started the nonprofit as a way “to be of selfless service to our community in whatever way they can.” Gina’s advice for anyone who is currently addicted or suffering is to be willing to change, ask for help, and be willing to accept the help that is available. “Just let me hold your hand,” she says.

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Gina also encourages addicts to stop trying to fill the void with alcohol, drugs, food, sex, or shopping. “That hole you’re trying to fill can only be filled with God,” she says. “Give yourself a break and love yourself enough to want more for yourself.” Publisher’s Note: I am excited to introduce “Transformations” this issue, a space to celebrate the brave decisions we make as women to change, grow, and flourish.

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Plan ahead and enjoy your newly renovated home for spring & summer! Homes are meant for more than just living, they are a place to gather and a place to celebrate with family and friends. Creating the space to accommodate these events is important when thinking of how you want to design your home or when thinking of possible remodels. The Kliethermes family can transform your home into an environment that will welcome entertaining and provide a spacious yet cohesive setting for any gathering. We pride ourselves on the relationships we build and approach each new client as a new member of the Kliethermes family. Together letâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s create the home of your dreams! Let our team give you the perfect home for hosting your friends and family so you can cherish each moment with them.

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SOLAR FOR PUERTO RICO BY DAN SHIFLEY Find more at dogwoodSOLAR.com

What if you reached over to turn on a light, flipped the switch, and nothing happened? Last September, this was the case for all of the US Citizens in Puerto Rico. As I write this today, almost four months after Hurricane Maria made landfall, more than one million people in Puerto Rico-- almost half the island’s population--still have no power. No refrigeration, no fans, no lights, no computer, no internet, no electricity… In December, I traveled with Global First Responder on a combination medical and construction team to assist in Puerto Rico. We worked near Ponce in the southern part of the island. While the city of Ponce itself was functioning well and had power, damage was still obvious and clean-up was still underway. A short trip outside of town and into the more mountainous and remote districts made it painfully evident that it will be years before the people living there will have anything resembling normalcy. The roads are twisting and rough; they were even before the hurricanes. Now the roadsides are swollen with debris from mudslides, downed trees, and broken power poles that further choke the narrow lanes and make passage difficult,

even for a single car. Every turn in the road reveals more damage: cut fiber optic lines, mangled telephone wires, electric lines ripped from the sides of homes and businesses. Even with the extensive damage and lack of power, we met incredible people. Our hosts were gracious, grateful and helpful. Local people spent long days with us translating and navigating, not for pay, but because as my new-found friend,

DAN SHIFLEY

DOGWOOD SOLAR

Dan founded Dogwood Solar in 2010 to bring solar into the lives homeowners and business-owners throughout the area. He adheres to the standards set by the North American Board of Certified Energy Practitioners [NABCEP], and is nationally certified as a Photovoltaic Installation Professional and a Solar Heating Professional. Dan specializes in beautiful solar installations that perform as well as they look. Very happy to call Columbia home, Dan spends time enjoying this great town with his wife and three daughters. 573-424-2011

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Juan, put it, “you are here to help my people”. We spent time identifying and designing solar installations needed to restore electricity to rural medical clinics. And we helped residents “tarp” their houses to protect themselves and their belongings. Months earlier, tin roofs were blown off thousands of homes, leaving only rafters, purlins, and open sky. House after house still has water coming in every time it rains and no protection from the ninety-degree temperatures. Installing a heavy tarp over the skeleton of the roof makes the house more livable for the next year or two until infrastructure is restored and homes can be repaired permanently. We helped those we could and committed to come back again in January. The hardship of no refrigeration, fans or lights is taking its toll but spirits are high in those we met. We are so fortunate to have what we do. If you are able, would you consider helping by visiting www.solarforpuertorico.org or www.globalfirstresponder.com? Thank you for helping to make the BRIGHT choice. All the best, Dan

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DOWN PAYMENTS BY DENISE PAYNE Find more at www.denisepayne.com

Several clients contacted me recently and their main question was “How much down payment do I need?” The answer can be zero dollars. Which has changed dramatically in the decades since I have purchased my first home. My mortgage required 20% down with no exceptions and it was for 30 years. The current mortgage scene has a loan for almost everyone. If you wish to live in a smaller community like Hallsville, Ashland or Harrisburg, you can qualify for a USDA loan which is a loan to encourage home ownership in less populated areas. If you want to live in Columbia, there is a first time homebuyer program that can help you with your down payment and closing costs up to $10,000 which could mean the money out of your pocket is zero. Both of the above loan programs are income specific and based on your family size. Maybe you make too much money and/or wish to live only in Columbia. That may mean you qualify for an old fashion conventional loan. That down payment requirement has also changed from when I purchased my first home. Now you can have as little as 3% down to get into your next home. Also, the terms have changed from a 1-year ARM, 5-year ARM, 10-year ARM, 15 years conventional, 20 years conventional and of course still the 30-year conventional. Again, something for everyone. Recently I helped a young couple who purchased a brand-new home. They wanted to keep some of their down payment cash for installing a fence, sodding the backyard and buying blinds for the new house. They selected an FHA loan which required them to bring less than $7,000 including their closing costs to the purchase of their $190,000 brand new home. They were happy to have spent less out of pocket so they could put that money back into their new home. These new loan features can be intimidating

and scary to those of us who are used to the old ways, but they are helpful to buyers who may have other needs with their money or who have

not saved back the 20 percent. It is helping people purchase a home sooner rather than later in life as well.

DENISE PAYNE THE DENISE PAYNE REAL ESTATE TEAM

Denise has been a Realtor since 2004 and achieved the designations of Graduate of REALTOR Institute and Certified Relocation Professional. A Mizzou Alumni, she ensures that she knows all the current options of home financing to help both her sellers and her buyers know all their options. Denise also understands home staging and owns her own staging furniture and accessories to offer her sellers at no additional cost. She’s won many awards including the Centurion Producer and is a regular member of the Weichert President’s Club. She services all of Mid-Missouri by belonging to 3 MLS systems. 3700 Monterey Drive Suite A, Columbia, MO 65203 573-777-7274 | DenisePayne.com

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WHAT TO DO IN WINTER BY JAKE FRINK Find more at rostlandscaping.com

We have winter weather--a real winter--for the first time in several years. Landscape contractors and plant nurseries have gone back to their traditional winter schedules which we have more or less ignored the last two years. So what kind of tips can we give you when the ground is too hard to even think about getting a shovel into? One word: planning! Even though winter has our crews not working, management is in the office preparing for the upcoming year, which means competitors are doing the exact same thing. The results of winter prep time leads to lowest bids of the year; the lowest. Schedules are not full, there is still time to place orders, they can coordinate with other contractors such as the pool company, etc. So there’s our tip. We know it is hard to get excited about an outdoor project in January but if you are thinking about it, move forward now, because you’ll like the price. There’s another advantage to winter planning: landscape designers aren’t swamped. You can get an amazing amount of information and design work done that is simply not available in spring when their schedules are already full. The vast amount of projects are not even considered until those first warm days of spring, which unfortunately, means you’ll need to be prepared to get in line. If you are not considering a spring/ summer project, there are still a few things for you to be thinking

WORD OF WARNING: In 30 years plus of being in the nursery business, we’ve never seen plant material in such short supply. If you want large material, get organized now to get your name on it. Much of it will be gone by May. Being living things, it will take plants a few years to catch up.

SPRING ONLY: Every fall we get requests for trees and shrubs that are popular for fall color and forgotten in spring but unfortunately, several

of these varieties should only be planted in spring and by time fall rolls around, it’s too late. Black gums, sweet gums, many oaks, and hollies all need to be planted in spring.

you ask. When shipping starts, it’s easy for special requests to get pushed aside in the mad scramble. Plus, it’s important remember that digging is only done in spring and fall.

SPECIAL ORDERS

DON’T FORGET WATER

If you have been searching for a rare plant, new variety, or special size plant, put in your request now. Most nurseries are close to finalizing spring orders by now and are aware of what and where certain plants can be found. Adding a special request in April or May is just plain difficult. You have a better chance the earlier

Cold is hard on plants, especially plants that have questionable hardiness in our area. Cold combined with dry is even worse. You can’t water when the ground is frozen but if we get a thaw, give those less hardy plants a drink. Ideally it’s good to be sure your plants go into dormancy with plenty of water.

JAKE FRINK

ROST LANDSCAPING

Jake Frink is a Columbia native who enjoys working and playing in outdoor spaces. He has a degree in plant science and landscape design from MU. With Rost Landscaping for nearly 18 years, Jake is the Design Manager. His natural talent for creating beautiful outdoor spaces gives him a huge sense of satisfaction. Jake considers himself to be a very lucky husband as well as a lucky dad of three great kids. 573-445-4465

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ADVANTAGES AND VERSATILITY OF ADDING A MOTHER-IN-LAW SUITE BY CALE KLIETHERMES Find more at: www.kliethermes.com

When trying to customize your home to fit your needs it is important to also consider how you can add value to your original investment. Creating additional space is always a great option when wanting to increase value, a mother-in-law suite is the perfect addition to any home.

WHY YOU SHOULD Putting the increased value aside, creating a mother-in-law suite adds convenience when faced with aging parents. Living up to its name, a mother-in-law suite can provide peace of mind to homeowners worried about the wellbeing of their loved ones by having them on the same property instead of a drive away. While to some, having their parents or in-laws live with them might be a blessing, to others it may seem less than desirable. Which is why it is important to know the versatility of having a mother-in-law suite. This extra space could be used for guests, college-aged children who are staying close for school, a rental property to bring in revenue, or even a spacious at home office.

LOCATION Finding the best place to build a mother-inlaw suite is going to be specific to your home. Be creative in your decision, there are several placement options that can be designed to fit any home.

BASEMENTS Starting with most cost-efficient option, transforming a basement into a mother-inlaw suite can be a simple and inexpensive task. Most basements already have access to plumbing and electric making bathroom/ heating & cooling installations a breeze if not already installed. Another benefit of transforming a basement is the amount of space is gives you to work with! This allows for the process of enclosing, which will create the feeling of a real home.

GARAGE Transforming your garage into a mother-inlaw suite is one of the more creative options. It has its pros and cons, it could potentially create a parking issue and it may be a challenge to install plumbing and electric. However, a detached garage or even one that is attached could become a really interesting and unique living situation or home office.

ABOVE THE GARAGE Building up is allows you to create space without losing space. It also allows you to build the space to meet your needs and to fit your style. Similarly, to the garage option, installing plumbing and electric may be an issue, many

spaces above garages need to have plumbing rerouted along with electric to get everything running properly. However, there is a benefit of adding a private entrance to give a sense of independence from the main house.

DETACHED BUILD The more expensive but most valuable option is to start from scratch by adding a guest house, provided you have the space to do so. The addition of a guest house not only provides your guests with their own space but it will increase the value your house immensely. Ready to expand your home? Give Kliethermes Homes & Remolding a call at (573) 206-9202 for a free consultation today.

CALE KLIETHERMES

KLIETHERMES HOMES & REMODELING

Cale Kliethermes has learned the construction business from the ground up, working with his father to uphold the 40-year legacy that is Kliethermes Homes & Remodeling. Having been immersed in the industry since his teenage years, Cale possesses decadesâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; worth of expert knowledge and experience regarding new construction and remodels. Cale studied business administration and finance at Regis University, in Denver, Colorado, and earned his CGR (Certified Graduate Remodeler) designation from the National Association of Home Builders (NAHB). He also served in Iraq with the U.S. Marine Corps, where he built secure housing and observation posts. Cale specializes in leading homeowners through the creative process of designing their ideal home, and he is skilled in determining unique solutions that result in life-changing differences.Â

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DREAMING OF A NEW MATTRESS? BY JAKE BAUMGARTNER Find more at baumgartners.com

Most likely, you don’t think about when your mattress will “expire.” And even though sleep deprivation is a hot topic right now, you’ve probably thought more about your mayonnaise expiring than your mattress. The average life span of a mattress is only around seven years. So … how old is your mattress? If it’s officially expired, it’s time to begin your search, we can help. It can be overwhelming, which is why it helps to go in store and see your options rather than exploring the endless web. Seeing and touching your options leaves little to no room for error. Buying a mattress is like buying a car, you need to take it for a test drive. For some strange reason, buyers are often reluctant to give a mattress a good 10-15 minutes of laying down time! Prior to going in store, do some background checks. Read reviews and ask your friends and family about their mattresses. But keep in mind, this is a personal preference and they may have very different tastes. Being knowledgeable will speed up your search and will help you eliminate what you know you don’t want. Also, keep in mind the type of mattress you want, innerspring, memory foam (Tempurpedic foam), or a hybrid. There are a wide range of possibilities for you to choose from and each of our showrooms has a test center and information that will guide you

to the mattress of your dreams while keeping your shopping efficient. Shopping in store also provides the knowledge of a trained sales rep. Regardless of the amount of research you do, our staff still know from experience and has tips to guide you through the process. They know statistics, reviews, and which mattresses are the most popular, so take advantage of their experience and knowledge! There is so much

to consider and it’s important to know that you don’t have to do it alone. There’s nothing like a good night’s sleep in a comfy bed. It can change your life! Don’t let your aging mattress keep you from the sleep you deserve. Use these tips and come speak with our trained professionals. Our doors are open to you for any of your home furnishing needs. We will help you find what you’re looking for and help keep you on budget!

JAKE BAUMGARTNER

BAUMGARTNER’S FURNITURE

Jake essentially grew up in the furniture industry as he is the fourth generation involved in Baumgartner’s Furniture. Working very closely with his father, Alan, Jake has been devoted to the stores full time since 2004. His greatest enjoyment, however, still comes from working closely with the customers. He is married to Sarah and they have two active boys, Noah and Laine. Jake received his degree in finance from Saint Louis University. 573-256-6288

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TRAVELING WITH ANNE BY ANNE TUCKLEY Find more at: AnneTuckleyhome.com

As the old year concludes and the new year trickles in, we are left with memories of the past and a newfound motivation for the future. The new year brings about a time of personal and professional reflection and encourages us to set and tackle goals we previously have not achieved. For me, the new year brings about the pursuit for inspiration. As the weather continues to cool and cabin fever rears its ugly head, I set my sights on one of my true loves - travel. I argue that it is impossible not to be inspired both personally and professionally by traveling. Travel forces you out of your comfort zone and exposes you to new languages, new cultures, diverse cuisine, and endless artistic expression. So how do I incorporate what I learn traveling into interior design (aside from using it as an excuse to explore this fantastic world)? The following are simply 3 of an endless list of inspirational sources found when traveling: 3. FABRICS - Each country offers distinct and unique fabric options and patterns. From mass produced fabrics to hand woven, each country offers its own taste that can be beautifully incorporated into your next project.

2. ARCHITECTURE - From historic to modern, immersing yourself in the architectural variations of each country (or even city) you visit is an excellent way to generate ideas for new constructions, room remodels, and even basic organization. 1. WAY OF LIFE - Every time I travel somewhere new there is a feature of the country’s lifestyle I immediately seek to incorporate into my own. Whether it is

developing a beautiful outdoor space to encourage al fresco dining or renovating my kitchen to ditch some of the modern conveniences for more classic products like a manual pasta maker, simply experiencing how others live help you to create a home that is truly reminiscent of the life you want to live. Want to be inspired? Travel with me. I am headed to Florence and Milan this May! http://annetuckleyhome.com/travel-with-anne

ANNE TUCKLEY

ANNE TUCKLEY HOME

Anne has been in the interior design industry for over 20 years and has resided in many metropolitan cities from NYC to Houston while honing in on her skills. Her specialties are interior design and home staging, with a focus on unique perception. Anne graduated with a BFA in fine art with a concentration in design and illustration. She has extensive experience in designing new construction as well as remodeling and conceptualizing out-of-the-box ideas. She ensures cutting edge design and superb customer service. 108 Corporate Lake Place, Columbia, MO 65203 573-639-1989 | AnneTuckleyhome.com

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Secret The Best Kept

in Columbia

How a house in Cedar Lake became home to three friends. by R E B E K A H H A L L | photos by K E I T H B O R G M E Y E R

COMO L I V I N G

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HOME TOUR

riginally brought together by their daughter’s dance classes, Pam Massey, Dana Hofsess, and Grace Johnston-Elder sit together once again around the kitchen table at 4829 N. Cedar Lake Court. There’s a wellestablished comfort among these friends, who have known each other for more than 30 years, much of it built through the house they’ve shared — each has taken a turn owning the home. As their daughters have grown, the women have remained close, and the home represents a consistent connection to one another. Dana and her husband purchased the pie-shaped plot of land on Cedar Lake in 1979 and built the house from the ground up. They were involved in every element of design, and their first daughter came home from the hospital to this house. The women mark the passage of time using their children’s ages or their year in school. These parental reference points help track the women’s collective history in the home. Dana sold the house to Grace in 1987 when the Hofsesses moved to a larger, 10-acre lot. Grace loved the safety of the cul-de-sac, perfect for her daughter, who was 1 year old when they moved in. “We were in a split foyer on the other side of town, and the idea of a ranch, a fireplace, on a lake — it blew us away,” Grace says. During Grace’s ownership, her family made several interior changes. Grace and her husband, Ron Elder, former owners of Johnston Paint & Decorating, repainted, redid the flooring and woodwork, and added a deck to the master bedroom. When Grace and her family were ready for a bigger home, she never even put the house on the market. “I always told Grace, if you ever want to sell your house, we’ll buy it,” Pam says. “And we did.” Pam’s family moved into the house in 1994 and lived there for 16 years before they began renovations. “We thought of moving because I wanted something a little bit bigger, but there were no lots,” Pam says. “There was nothing. And I just couldn’t leave. So that’s when we decided to remodel.”

From left to right: Pam Massey, Dana Hofsess, and Grace Johnston-Elder P h ot o by S a d i e Th i bo d e a u x

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Pam collected magazine clippings and constructed a pre-Pinterest vision for the home. She wanted to design a progressive but traditional space, and her influence is felt in every room of the house’s most modern incarnation. “It’s everything,” she says. “I love this house. I won’t leave it.” Pam and her family had the entire back of the house removed and replaced to expand the square footage and improve their view of the lake. The back of the house faces the water and is made almost entirely of windows, which shed beams of natural light that bounce off the 10-foot ceilings, which they also raised during the renovation. The master bedroom sits in the back-left corner of the house and has a sweeping view of the water. The women laugh about Pam’s makeshift bedroom during the construction.

“Did we tell you that they lived in the dining room?” Grace asks. Pam explains that the dining room was one of the only rooms in the house that wasn’t affected by the remodel. The original galley kitchen was expanded to fit Pam’s desire for an open floor plan. The kitchen now overlooks the living room from behind a custom island — an island Pam saw in Grace’s kitchen. “She went over and copied mine,” Grace says. “I did,” Pam says. “They made a template of it and brought it over because I loved the shape of it. It’s the exact same.” Pam, Dana, and Grace are all retired now, and they credit each other and their other girlfriends with helping ease the transition between fulltime careers and retirement. “I think our husbands know where our girlfriends are in the order of things,” Grace says.

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“And I will say, that is the one thing that has really helped me through retirement,” Dana says. “I didn’t have time for a lot of that before, and I have spent so much of my retirement getting to re-know people and getting back in contact with people. It’s been so much fun.” Grace blinks back a sudden wetness in her eyes. “Here’s a wonderful example of our friendship,” she says. “My daughter’s wedding shower was here. And her baby shower is going to be here. Now what does that tell you? Isn’t that something?” Grace says that her mother, Mary Lee Johnston, always called Cedar Lake “the best kept secret in Columbia.” But the joy these women find in each other is anything but secret — the home that has passed among them is a clear manifestation.

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L I B AT I O N S

GROWLERS, PINTS, AND BEER COCKTAILS St o p i n fo r a f i l l or a Dr un ke n Assaul t. by A A RON BA NK S | ph o to s by A N T H O N Y J I N S O N

y name is Aaron Banks; I’m the owner of CoMO Growlers and Pints, the first and only dedicated growler-filling station in Missouri. What does that mean? It means we’re the only place in Missouri where you can drink a pint or flight of beer from a brewery anywhere in the country and get your favorite beer to-go in a growler. I’ve had a passion for finding new breweries and tasting new beers for years. When I dreamed of opening Growlers and Pints, I wanted to give people a place where they could do that under one roof. We specialize in hard-to-find craft beer that you can’t get in six packs — you can, however, get a growler filled and enjoy these beers at home. Our tap list constantly changes too, so you can try something new every week. Another passion of mine is crafting beer cocktails. Most people are familiar with the standard beer cocktail — a black and tan, made with Harp or Bass and Guinness. When mixing beers together, we select

flavors in each that will complement the other. Using that framework and applying it to our unique beer menu, we can create interesting combinations.

COMO L I V I N G

One popular cocktail we featured recently combined Mother’s Brewing Company’s Bourbon Barrel Three Blind Mice and 4204 Main Street’s Assaulted Caramel Pecan Brown Ale — we called it “Drunken Assault.” The caramel and bourbon flavors married perfectly. Another previously featured cocktail, called “Almond Joy,” was a mixture of 4 Hands’ Absence of Light and Ballast Point’s Coconut Victory at Sea. The nutty chocolate flavors in Absence of Light taste fantastic with the coconut flavor in Victory at Sea. We called it Almond Joy because it tastes just like drinking the candy bar! We usually have a version of our “Eve’s Original Sin” as well — this cocktail combines the cider we currently have on tap with a sour beer. The exact flavor varies based upon which beers we combine, but always tastes like a Granny Smith apple. It’s a crowd favorite! All our cocktails last only as long as we have the beers that make them up, so you have to move fast to try them or wait and see what we come up with next. Cheers!

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Our hostess, Jamie Bryant, begins the second course with savory sweet rolls. COMO L I V I N G

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GOURMET

A Breath of

Fresh Air

Treat yourself to dinner at Blue Bell Farm.

by B E T H B R A M S T E D T photos by L OV E T R E E S T U D I O S COMO L I V I N G

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Cocktail hour in the Barn Wood Bar

hen have you lingered over a glass of wine, treated your palate to a new taste, and savored a farm-fresh meal one course at a time all while enjoying lively conversation around a communal table? For me, it was the recent Air Dinner at Blue Bell Farm.

THE EXPERIENCE The evening started with a leisurely 20-minute drive from Columbia to Fayette. After finessing the curves of Highway 240, I took a right onto a gravel road, passing cattle grazing in front of an old farmhouse. The setting sun covered the surrounding trees in a yellow glow and revealed a picturesque, white-washed two-story barn in the distance. It was warm for a Saturday night in December. A fire blazed in the distance and the smell of smoked meat filled the air. Once inside the barn, I was greeted by our hostess and offered a Winter Wind cocktail featuring vodka, St-Germain, ginger, lemon,

sage, and club soda. I took a moment to stroll around, admiring the honey-hued oak timber frame, old barn doors, vaulted ceiling, and white-washed pine walls. The main hall was spacious and airy and featured two communal tables, each elegantly set for 36 guests. The place settings and décor were works of art in themselves, with white candles, fresh flowers, glass place cards, and silver flatware accenting the “air” theme. Shimmering steel blue napkins and opaque menu cards enhanced the sophistication. After cocktail hour in the Barn Wood Bar, I was seated around a long table in a group of six for a five-course, family-style dinner. The meal featured the creations of Gerard Craft (owner and chef of the St. Louis restaurants Pastaria, Sardella, Brasserie, Taste, and Porano) and the wine pairings of A Bommarito Wines. As the dishes circled the table, conversation ensued about our exposure to Blue Bell Farm. Some had attended a dinner before, others

COMO L I V I N G

a wedding or event, while some, like me, were experiencing life at the farm for the first time. We shared the excitement to branch out beyond our usual fare and try something new. The evening surpassed my expectations. While I would usually pass on raw fish, the lightly smoked hamachi was light, fresh, and lemony. Our table savored the sweet taste of the duck liver ravioli cooked in a brown butter sauce. The main course featured two Missouri PARTNERS favorites: Love Tree Studios smoked chicken Sugarberry Blooms and grits with A-1 Party Event Rental goat cheese, Pretty Little Things both sourced The Ink Café from nearby farms. And with FARMERS each course Doublestar Farms came a new glass Baetje Farms of wine. Buttonwood Farms

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Air Dinner

GOURMET

Lightly smoked hamachi

After much laughing, lingering, and

THE DREAM

relishing, the meal ended with another palate pleaser – spiced Pavlova with orange and cranberry. The meringue dish featured a sweet, crisp crust with a light marshmallow inside. Paired with a sparkling shiraz, it was a breathtaking end to a perfect evening — and the culmination of a vision for Derek and Jamie Bryant.

Blue Bell Farm has been in Derek Bryant’s family since 1812 and currently includes 300 acres. He and Jamie have been operating the farm since 2011, when they moved from St. Louis and started a greenhouse in the farmhouse kitchen. “We got involved with an organization called Slow Food in St. Louis and became

COMO L I V I N G

“Guests don’t know the menu or location until they arrive. We take advantage of different scenery on the farm. So far, I think dinner guests have enjoyed the surprise.”

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Duck liver ravioli

Smoked chicken

Orange-cumin braised carrots

interested in producing our own food,” Jamie shares. “I apprenticed at an organic farm, and we had a huge garden and chickens. We thought we were ready.” They started the farm-to-table dinners at the farm in 2015, after spending the early years selling their homegrown foods at the Columbia Farmer’s Market and renting out the farm as a venue for weddings and events. “After we built the barn, we wanted to pair our food with events to bring the farm full circle,” Jamie explains, “but we had a hard time finding caterers who wanted to use local food.” Their solution? To support local farmers and utilize their food by hosting farm-totable dinners.

For this year’s dinner theme, Jamie was inspired by Secret Supper, a company owned by an Oregon duo who specialize in adventurist dining experiences — the menu and location are only revealed to guests 24 hours before the event. Jamie decided to bring the concept to Mid-Missouri by securing a guest chef for each dinner and experimenting with different types of cuisine and locations on the farm. “Guests don’t know the menu or location until they arrive,” Jamie says. “We take advantage of different scenery on the farm. So far, I think dinner guests have enjoyed the surprise.” The Water Dinner, for example, featured Tex-Mex from Columbia chef Lindsey

COMO L I V I N G

Paired with a sparkling shiraz, the Pavlova was a breathtaking end to a perfect evening —and the culmination of a vision for Derek and Jamie Bryant.

F E B RUA RY/ MA R C H - 201 8

GOURMET Spratt, of Boss Taco, and was held beside the pond. The Earth Dinner was held inside the farm’s greenhouse, and when weather turned chilly, the final two dinners were served inside the barn. Since the first dinner, Jamie and Derek have made some improvements. The first change was moving from a buffet-style dinner to family-style service and adding tableside wine pairings with each course. “Now our guests can enjoy dinner conversation uninterrupted and develop new friendships at the communal table,” says Jamie. They moved the dinners to the weekends, focused the dates to be in the main growing season, and began collaborating with other local businesses. They also created a theme for the dinner series. 2017 featured the four elements: water, earth, fire, and air. “Because of the collaboration, the end product from last year to now is a night and day difference,” Jamie shares. ”It’s been a blessing to work with such creative partners and outstanding chefs and farms.”

Laura Korte, Blue Bell’s farm manager, cares for their beef cattle, pigs, and turkeys and raises pastured chickens on a nearby farm. They also grow some of their own fruits, herbs, and greens. Guest chefs are encouraged to use Blue Bell’s stock for their main course, and other ingredients are typically sourced from local farms near Blue Bell or the chef ’s hometown. “The dinners give the chefs an opportunity to be a little more experimental,” Jamie says. “They can think outside of the box. Some guest chefs choose to prepare food over an outside fire.” What’s next for Blue Bell Farm? “We plan to bring the farm dinners back in 2018, as well as some pop-up date night events,” Jamie shares. “We look forward to creating seasonal menus that are inspired by beautiful vegetables, fruit, and herbs from the garden.” Sound inviting? Treat yourself to dinner at Blue Bell Farm. Your next dining adventure may only be a reservation away.

Pavlova

Air Menu

Blue Bell Farm – December 2, 2017 First Course LIGHTLY SMOKED HAMACHI Preserved Meyer lemon puree, olive oil, crushed black walnuts Gerard Bertrand Cremant Rose, France Second Course DUCK LIVER RAVIOLI Served with hibiscus vinegar Domaine De Cristia Cotes De Rhone Blanc, 2016, France Third Course ORANGE-CUMIN BRAISED CARROTS Dehydrated with chestnut custard, yogurt, spicy candied pistachios Nicolas Potel Bourgogne Pinot Noir, 2015, France Main Course SMOKED CHICKEN Sorrel salsa verde, Missouri grits with Missouri goat cheese Domaine Du Jongier Cotes De Rhone, 2016, France Dessert PAVLOVA Orange, cranberry, and spices The Chook Sparkling Shiraz, Australia Chef Chef Gerard Craft Owner and chef of Pastaria, Sardella, and Brasserie by Niche Restaurants Wine Pairings by A Bommarito Wines.

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FA S H I O N

Betsy and Katherine Woodruff WEARING MUSE CLOTHING Betsy and Katherine share more than just a love of shoes. The pair often trade everything from jewelry to their Mizzou apparel. While Betsy usually opts for neutral basics and Katherine prefers a more boho approach to her wardrobe, both women agree that comfort is an overall must. Muse Clothing’s vintage aesthetic is the perfect medium for this mother and daughter, the Woodruff Group realty team at House of Brokers. Both love mixing their jeans with this black duster for a modern, yet classic look.

“I’m more conservative, she’s more contemporary. It’s an age thing!” —Betsy COMO L I V I N G

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FA S H I O N

Suzanne and Kaitlyn Rothwell WEARING MY SISTER’S CIRCUS While Suzanne and Kaitlyn normally don’t share wardrobes, the pair does swap makeup from time to time. Both agree that a shared characteristic of their styles is a sense of age appropriateness. My Sister’s Circus has the right mix of traditional yet fun pieces to fit both Suzanne and Kaitlyn’s styles. Kaitlyn, a freshman at Grand Canyon University in Phoenix, likes to stay laid back and casual, while Suzanne prefers a classic look with a hint of bling for her job as executive director of advancement at Columbia College.

“Kaitlyn can wear anything and look good. Can you tell I’m her mom?” —Suzanne COMO L I V I N G

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FA S H I O N

Elizabeth and Giana Kardon-Facio WEARING MATILDA JANE & LA DI DA Elizabeth Kardon-Facio loves dressing her two-year-old daughter, Giana, who is usually seen with a huge bow in her hair and tutu skirts. Elizabeth, a school teacher, opts for a more casual look, accented with sparkly jewelry. Heels are an essential part of her weekend look, an accessory that Giana already loves to borrow and wear around the house. This mommydaughter duo often coordinates outfits from Lilly Pulitzer and Matilda Jane, and they sometimes even get dad to coordinate as well. Elizabeth describes Giana as having a “whimsical and playful style,” which is represented well through La Di Da’s fun and youthful designs.

“I think we will share our closets as Giana gets older. I always loved sharing closets with my mom, and I hope we can keep the tradition going.” —Elizabeth COMO L I V I N G

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FA S H I O N Suzanne and Kaitlyn Rothwell (and Charlie) wearing My Sisterâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Circus.

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Like a great steak,true love is rare... Except it may be easier to find a truly great steak at Jenning’s Premium Meats! You’re less than a 30 mile drive to the best meat money can buy. When you visit our beautiful store, you’ll immediately see that we offer a great selection and exceptional customer service. And perhaps the best part of it all? The prices. We’re everything you expect in a locally owned quality butcher, and so much more.

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MADE FROM

SCRATCH

D eMa r ko Col e m a n a n d Teresa Wrig ht con n ect over a bagel san dwich. by B R A N D O N H O O P S | photos by K E I T H B O R G M E Y E R COMO L I V I N G

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he unlikely friendship between DeMarko Coleman and Teresa Wright started with a bagel sandwich. Sitting side-by-side at a table in the middle of a sunlit B&B Bagel, the pair can’t help but laugh when describing how it transpired. Three years ago, DeMarko was interested in finding a new lunch spot in Columbia. Someone recommended B&B Bagel. He kept coming back because there was something different about the B&B Special made by the lady in the glasses. DeMarko goes into full Guy Fieri mode describing the first time he got into his car with a sandwich made by Teresa. “I remember peeling back the foil and opening it up...the aroma filled the car... and that first bite...the swiss cheese was perfectly melted on the turkey, and the bacon was just crispy enough.” By DeMarko’s third or fourth visit, Teresa, a 17-year B&B Bagel employee, noticed that her customer had acquired a special affinity for the B&B Special. “How did you know?” DeMarko, 44, asks curiously. “What gave it away? Was I giving the goo goo eyes?” “No, I just saw you walk in, and I thought, ‘Oh, there’s that really nice guy,’ so I just started making your sandwich before you ordered it,” Teresa, 55, replies. And so at least once a week for the past three years, the tradition has continued. DeMarko stops for lunch, arriving before 1:00 p.m., because that when Teresa’s workday ends, and Teresa, no matter what she’s doing at the time, still steps aside to make his sandwich of choice. It didn’t take long for DeMarko’s weekly visits to became one of Teresa’s highlights, especially after they made an easy connection talking about their families and MU sports, Mizzou basketball most of all. “His personality is so large,” Teresa says. “He is easygoing and fun to talk to. If I’m not busy, I usually walk around the corner and give him a hug. It brightens my day to see him.” DeMarko, an executive sales rep for a Johnson & Johnson company, is always on the go, traveling an average of 500 miles across Mid-Missouri each week. He ensures

Teresa’s infamous B&B Special

that lunches at B&B Bagel fit into his routine — not only for the sandwich, but for the human touch. DeMarko always appreciates the intentionality and care Teresa brings to her job. Her servant-minded heart is a quality she shares with DeMarko, a longtime volunteer at Granny’s House. In fact, in the weeks leading up to last summer’s alumni basketball game at Mizzou Arena, they realized they both love supporting and giving back to Granny’s House. “Every now and then, there are certain people who cause you to stop and pause and be in that moment,” DeMarko says, “and Teresa is one of those people in my life.” Because of the special treatment Teresa provides for DeMarko, they get playfully teased by other employees.

Even DeMarko’s wife, Adonica, admits it’s a bit unusual. But if she knows one thing about her husband, it’s that he has a knack with people, and it doesn’t matter who they are or what job they’re doing. He’s a people person. “There is something that happens over food,” Adonica says. “Teresa wasn’t trying to make the best sandwich in the world. Their friendship was totally organic.” In 2016, DeMarko made sure to add Teresa to the family’s Christmas list, believing it was the least he could do for his friend, who is a big reason why B&B Bagel has a such strong customer base. “It’s because of people that we keep coming back in, along with good food, but I think people are the difference makers,” DeMarko says. “Teresa’s doing more than making sandwiches —she’s making an impact.”

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But the question still remains: does she do anything different when she makes DeMarko’s sandwich? “I make his a little special, I’m not going to lie,” Teresa says. “But I use all the same ingredients that I use for everybody else. I don’t keep a secret stash.” DeMarko leans back and raises his fits in the air, saying, “Yes! But one day I’m going to switch it up on her though and throw her off.” “He’ll still get the B&B Special because I’ll already have it made for him,” Teresa says, smiling back. “I guess I’m officially spoiled by Teresa and a bagel sandwich,” DeMarko says. “It’s like a game of basketball when the point guard throws that no-look pass and that person is right where they need to be. That makes you feel good.”

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Laying Down

Roots

Clyde and Sheila Ruffin have called Columbia home for 36 years. by JENNIFER TRUESDALE photos by KEITH BORGMEYER

COMO L I V I N G

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odern families often find themselves scattered across great distances; it’s uncommon to find generations of families putting down roots in one town, especially a college town like Columbia. Yet the families that do, like the Ruffins, who span three generations in town, develop histories tightly woven into the fabric of their city. The Ruffins’ stories revive memories of what Columbia used to be and, quite possibly, where it’s headed. Like so many who come to Columbia, Clyde and Sheila Ruffin moved to Columbia from St. Louis, in 1982, thinking it was a short-term stint. Clyde, a Kansas City native, had big plans for an acting career in New York City. It didn’t help that, with Columbia’s small African American population, the Ruffins and their young children felt like outsiders at first. Yet 36 years later, Clyde and Sheila, their four daughters, and their six grandchildren, are happy to call Columbia home. In 1980, at age 23, Clyde was doing big things with African-American theater at Washington University, in St. Louis, when he was offered a part-time teaching position at the MU’s theatre department. He commuted back and forth from St. Louis for two years before accepting a full-time faculty position. “There were a number of African-American theater students who felt they were being discriminated against, not being cast, not having the opportunity to explore their own culture at Mizzou,” Clyde says. “I was brought in to mediate that conflict.” Sheila, who had worked in several department stores, eventually decided to stay home with their four girls, Mikisha, Joi, Candace, and Jessica, helping them adjust to small-town life where few of their peers looked like them. Sheila’s family moved to Chicago when she was 11, following her father’s death in Vietnam, and after seven years in St. Louis with Clyde, she was done with big cities — she particularly didn’t like their higher crime rates. Though Columbia was small, with no retail stores or even barber shops that catered to the black community, Sheila was glad to be raising her children at Lake of the Woods, where it was safe for them to play. “Moving here was totally different,” Sheila remembers. “The churches we visited were mostly white. The neighborhoods were mostly white. In school, the kids were usually the only African-American students in their room, so it was quite an adjustment. But I felt safer. I felt like I took a deep breath.” Clyde was struck by the fact that there were no arts organizations in Columbia, and he felt a sharp divide between the university community and the African-American community in town. Clyde’s role as a theater professor would help change that. “I think that’s where my position at the university came in handy,” Clyde says. “When I came here and they asked me to start this black theater workshop, one of the things I insisted on was being able to have open auditions for people in the community so we could start to build a bridge between town and gown, the invisible barrier between the town and the campus. That enabled me to build relationships in the community.” With deepened community roots and a commitment to his students, Clyde was appointed chair of the theater department in

“

One thing I really appreciate about Columbia is the diversity. There are so many different ethnicities and people from different backgrounds.” – Candace Rufﬁ n

1990; he retired as professor emeritus in 2015. The Ruffins became active in Second Baptist Church, and in 2003, with nearly 30 years of ministry experience, Clyde became its senior pastor. In 2015, Clyde was elected First Ward city councilman. Clyde and Sheila moved to their current home nearly 25 years ago, just down the road from their third daughter, Candace Ruffin, now 35, and her four kids: Elijah, 16; Ben, 13; Cadence, 7; and Caden, 2. “One thing I really appreciate about Columbia is the diversity,” says Candace. “There are so many different ethnicities and people from different backgrounds. My kids have been able to have all different types of friends and be exposed to different things.” Clyde and Sheila’s other two grandchildren are Micah, 9, and Mira, 7, the son and daughter of Mikisha Henry, 40, and her husband, Mike. “When you live in big cities, so much is handed to you. You live in a very curated environment,” Mikisha shares. “Here, because there was very little, it was an opportunity for me to really go into my imagination. After living in a bigger city, I was so much more creative living in a smaller town like Columbia.” Joi Ruffin, 38, also remains in Columbia, while Jessica Ruffin, 30, is currently attending the University of California-Berkley. Today, the Ruffins see a Columbia community that is more accepting of those who come and go and better positioned to acknowledge its African-American heritage. “There is no question that we’re going to honor African-Americans who have made significant contributions to our community,” Clyde says. “I see the seeds of what I hope for. I hope my grandchildren will be able to receive a quality education and have experiences through the school system and community that will not compromise their self-esteem. We have a lot of work to do, but it’s certainly moving in the right direction.”

TAMED BROWS, WILD AT HEART.

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COMO

Verna Laboy, Sarah Sandkuhl, and Karen Stone live out their love for the community. p h o to s by K E I T H B O R G M E Y E R

Verna Laboy by B E T H B R A M S T E D T

ommunity activist Verna Laboy shows up every day to contribute — to make Columbia a place for people to thrive, not just survive. Verna moved to town in the late 1980s to take a position with the Division of Family Services. She and her four children came from a broken home, and she was ready to start over. “I didn’t know a soul in Columbia,” she shares, “so I took a leap of faith to come here and make a life. Then I just got busy.” Verna started loving on her community in the first place she had access: as a PTA mom at Rock Bridge Elementary. Then she got involved with Girl Scouts, an organization she credits with saving her life. She also began seeing problems to solve in her neighborhood.

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Loving COMO

“So what I began doing was tearing up the yard, planting flowers, and beautifying my surroundings,” Verna says. She worked with her landlord to beautify the flower boxes and plant salmon-colored geraniums around the mailboxes. “Then I hired the baddest kids in the neighborhood to be Miz Verna’s flower police,” she says with a smile. “They got paid a quarter to give me a flower report at the end of the day.” Everyone thought she was the landlord. “I’m just wired that way,” Verna says. “I’m a fighter on the inside. I’m a rebel by nature. I don’t know that I’m out to prove anything, I just believe that I have some ideas and ways of thinking that can help.”

LIVING ON MISSION Verna says she’s on a mission to make things better. “I’m not waiting on the government to come rescue me, because it’s not going to happen,” she shares. “The answers are within us, the people. As I’ve grown and matured, I’ve found my voice and realized I have a lot power. I can sit around and complain about everything that’s wrong, or I can get up and do something about it.” In 1990, Verna met her husband, Gil, the kitchen manager at Murry’s, and they were married four years later. They purchased an old Victorian house on Worley Street and began fixing it up. “When we bought that house, there was a lot of drug activity going on around the neighborhood,” Verna says. Her solution? She went door to door and with a clipboard and a pen and started the Smithton Valley Neighborhood Association in partnership with Calvary Baptist Church. “In terms of density, it was the largest neighborhood association in the city,” she recalls. “It operated for several years.” Next, Verna got busy and went back to school. She managed to turn a thank-you note from Dr. Terry Smith, the dean of academic affairs at Columbia College, into a full-time job in the school’s financial aid office, which came with free tuition. “So, I’m not one to sit and be a victim. I’m always going to be a victor,” Verna says. “I can sit and cower and feel sorry for myself or I can just show up.”

Verna admits she was often invisible at those early PTA meetings, but she just kept showing up. “I volunteered to lead a committee and they were forced to work with me,” Verna says. “I’m always pushing myself and creating opportunities because that’s when people see how awesome I am.” As Verna looks out her window, or does work in her yard, she sees issues that pain her, and she addresses them by convening people. Her passion led her to start more groups out of her home at 611 E. Worley, including the Worley Street Roundtable. She has a network she’s willing to share, and she wants to move initiatives that are working forward. “I came to live out loud. This is the way I’m wired,” Verna says. “I want life to be better for those who have been in relationship with me. I want to dispense hope and encouragement, and be a model of being brave, being bold, and getting it done.”

“I CAME TO LIVE OUT LOUD. THIS IS THE WAY I’M WIRED. I WANT LIFE TO BE BETTER FOR THOSE WHO HAVE BEEN IN RELATIONSHIP WITH ME.” —VERNA LABOY

COMO L I V I N G

A NEW ASSIGNMENT At age 60, Verna is willing to let the next generation take over, but her community won’t seem to let her. They keep her busy. “I am honored today to be a health educator for the City of Columbia, leading an initiative under the Live Well Boone County umbrella,” Verna says. She’s addressing health disparities in black communities through the black church setting. “I set up health ministries all over the county and train lifestyle coaches, and we’re putting a dent in those disparity numbers.” With the health project, Verna gets up every day charged to go to work. “I love what I do,” she says. “I’ve lost about 35 pounds since I took the job. The people I work with are watching me transform. I have to walk the talk.” Believe it or not, Verna does occasionally slow down. When she does, you can usually find her in the garden. “My idea of a manicure is dirt under my fingernails,” she says. “I’m having the time of my life. This is my season. But when my husband needs time, he knows how to reel me in. He just takes me away.” Verna also loves to cook and serve. “I have the gift of hospitality. It’s just in me,” she shares. “When I started the Worley Street Roundtable, I didn’t know what I was doing — I just invited 50 of my closest friends over for lunch!” Verna is also quick to point out that her husband isn’t the only chef in the family. “It’s not work, it’s natural for me. I get my spices out, and the herbs, and the magic happens.” At the heart of it, Verna believes every woman is just like her. “We want the same things. We have different resources to address them, but the bottom line is that if we’re going to be successful in life, we’re going to have to activate our faith. It’s an adventure.” So Verna keeps showing up, even if she’s shaking in her shoes. “I am so open. I don’t meet strangers, I meet friends,” she says. “I don’t have time to do the dance. Let’s get together and get this work done and move this generation forward. We can agree to disagree, but we need to work together to make Columbia better.”

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Loving COMO

Sarah Sandkuhl

Sarah regularly teaches at Yoga Sol and was invited to teach at The Missouri Theater last April. She leapt at the opportunity. A dedicated yogi of over a decade, she was happy to share her serenity for a good cause.

by J O R DA N M I L N E

“The purpose of having these classes is

oga instructor Sarah Sandkuhl makes Columbia a better place just by being herself. “Sarah just has this incredible energy. It can be hard to explain on paper,” says Barbie Banks, director of the Citizen Jane Film Festival, “but she exudes calm and light. And I really believe her positive energy is making her community a better place to live.”

to introduce more people to this beautiful

“SARAH DOESN’T SEE HER YOGA AS JUST A PERSONAL JOURNEY. SHE SEES HOW IT CAN CHANGE THE WORLD AROUND HER.” —BARBIE BANKS

COMO L I V I N G

venue,” says Sarah. “It’s also a way to engage the community in a different way.” The theater is home to The Missouri Symphony Society, where Sarah’s daughter, Sofia, and son, Vicente, are in their second season playing violin with the Junior Sinfonia. “In Junior Sinfonia, I have seen my children grow so much as musicians, which makes me want to help the program,” says Sarah. “Also, being able to practice yoga in such a beautiful space with live cello music is really a treat. This combines two of my passions — teaching yoga and music.” Barbie appreciates this passion in Sarah: her character, patience, and love for her practice. “I admire these things about her, but more importantly I see how she lives these things in her daily life,” Banks says. “She doesn’t see her yoga as just a personal journey. She sees how it can change the world around her.” Two years ago, Sarah’s family temporarily moved to Bali so that the children could attend Green School, a nature-based learning center. While there, she fell in love with a yoga studio and decided to complete her yoga teacher training, an accomplishment that she had been thinking about for years. “Through the practice of yoga, I’ve learned so much about myself and feel more comfortable in my own skin,” says Sarah. “I started practicing to become more fit and flexible, but what kept me coming back to my mat was the sense of calm and clarity that I feel after I practice.” This peace extends to those Sarah interacts with. ”She puts out these amazingly kind and gentle vibes in all that she does,” says Barbie. “She can enter a space and immediately make it feel safer and happier.” Twice a year, Sarah also partners with Katie Schutte, founder of Yoga Gives – CoMo, to donate the Missouri Theater class’s proceeds to various charities. The recipient of Sarah’s charity class this past April was City of Refuge. Her class on January 17 benefitted the Citizen Jane Film Festival. “Sarah is amazing,” says Barbie. “She can’t help but spread love to everyone she interacts with.”

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Loving COMO

Karen Stone

by T E R E S A S H I E L D S PA R K E R

aren Stone, regional program director of The Caring People, is passionate about helping single moms. After teaching school for a number of years, Karen needed a career change and began life coaching. Besides teaching children, her other passion was helping women navigate through difficult times and live fulfilled lives. She worked as a volunteer developing a life coaching program for Love INC clients. While there, she trained others to be coaches and also coached clients herself. “Many of these were single moms searching for answers during a difficult season of their life,” she says.

Through Love INC, Karen heard about The Caring People. The ministry, founded by Peter and Jodee Herschend of Branson, helps churches form care groups for single moms and their children. Karen attended the Columbia training session for new care group leaders and was hooked. Shortly after, she was hired as the regional program director, working to build and train teams within a city. Her job now encompasses Missouri and parts of Kansas, and she’s exploring other areas. “Many of the moms tell me they’re so appreciative of their care group because it’s

a place to share their joys and struggles with others who understand,” Karen explains. “It’s also a place where they can ask questions about things they all of a sudden have to do by themselves like parenting, budgeting, household repairs, buying a car, and so much more.” Karen’s hopes to inspire more churches to form care groups, and she would love to have more men and women join her citywide mission teams to help single moms. “Karen isn’t just part of The Caring People organization,” Charlene says. “Karen is a caring person. Helping single moms is what she loves.”

“KAREN ISN’T JUST PART OF THE CARING PEOPLE ORGANIZATION. KAREN IS A CARING PERSON. HELPING SINGLE MOMS IS WHAT SHE LOVES.” —CHARLENE SMITH That’s where Karen first met Charlene Smith, a single mom with three boys. Charlene had come to Columbia from a domestic violence shelter in a different city; she and her boys were looking to start over. “I had no support, and Karen became my support,” says Charlene. “She became my family and still is. From the minute I met her, I felt no judgment of having been an unmarried teen mom. She is a wonderful, special, one-of-a-kind, heaven-sent, Godanointed woman. I wouldn’t be where I am today without Karen’s help.” During her years at Love INC, Karen was in the midst of a divorce, wearing the title of single mom personally. “My daughter was older, but I still experienced the pain of rejection and having to walk through that with my daughter,” she says. “All of a sudden, I understood single moms a whole lot better.” COMO L I V I N G

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H E A LT H

THE WINDING ROAD TO PARENTHOOD

Rachel and Erik Kirchner’s five-year journey to start their family. story by N I C O L E F L O O D

hen Erik and Rachel Kirchner thought about starting their family, they envisioned cuddling their sweet, chubby-cheeked babies and watching them grow up, seeing them experience everything for the first time. They thought their journey to parenthood would happen naturally, and they never put much thought into the obstacles they might encounter along the way. “We had talked about a family before we got married — we both knew we wanted kids,” Rachel says. “It never crossed our minds that we might struggle to start our family.”

THE FIGHT WITH INFERTILITY The Kirchners decided they were ready to have a baby in 2011. “We just knew it would happen right away,” Rachel says. But after six unsuccessful months, they decided to consult a reproductive endocrinologist. After a battery of tests, she recommended that the couple try intrauterine insemination, a type of artificial insemination commonly known as IUI. “We tried IUI three times with no success,” Rachel says. After more tests, the endocrinologist said Rachel had a diminished ovarian reserve, a difficult-to-treat condition that presents in 10 to 30 percent of patients experiencing infertility. The Kirchners were given the option to try in vitro fertilization, or IVF, but their physician hadn’t seen much success with other patients who had this condition. “We were sad. And weren’t sure where to go from there,” Rachel shares. But in March 2013, the Kirchners received an unexpected surprise: a positive pregnancy test. “We kept it a secret, wanting to do some sort of exciting reveal to our family after our first appointment,” says Rachel. “Then, one day before our ultrasound, I started bleeding.”

The ultrasound revealed an empty sac, otherwise known as a blighted ovum — a type of miscarriage. “We were devastated,” Rachel says. The Kirchners opened up to family and friends and told them what had happened. “We found comfort in talking about it with others,” Rachel says, “even if people didn’t know what to say.” In the summer of that same year, the Kirchners attended an infertility education session about IVF. The class had a contest to win a free IVF procedure, and out of the 25 couples in attendance, the Kirchners won. In September 2013, they did their first and only IVF procedure. The doctor was able to retrieve three eggs, two of which fertilized and one of which made it to the day-five blastocyst stage. “We did the transfer and we

COMOLLI V I VI N I NGG COMO

were able to see it on the ultrasound screen,” Rachel shares. “Fast forward a week and a half, and we got the call that the procedure didn’t work. I wasn’t pregnant.

ACCORDING TO THE AMERICAN PREGNANCY ASSOCIATION, ANYWHERE FROM 10 TO 25 PERCENT OF CLINICALLY RECOGNIZED PREGNANCIES END IN LOSS. “For me, this was a very low low,” Rachel says. “It was harder than the first miscarriage. It hurt even more. We didn’t want to talk about it because it hurt too much. Through it all, we leaned on one another.”

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H E A LT H Once again, in April of 2014, the Kirchners found out they were pregnant. They were more cautious about their excitement this time, but when they went in for the seven-week ultrasound, their baby girl had a heartbeat. Rachel had never felt so happy. But on their four-year wedding anniversary, Rachel woke up and didn’t feel pregnant anymore. She went to the doctor and the ultrasound revealed no fetal heartbeat. “I don’t ever remember feeling sadness or anger as intense as what I felt over the next few weeks,” she says. “I was so angry. Angry at God. Angry at everyone.”

may have even convinced ourselves, for a short while, that we were going to be happy without kids.” Every time someone announced their pregnancy or had their baby, all the feelings of anger and hurt came rushing back to Rachel. “Then a co-worker of mine became a mom through adoption,” she says. “Her son was born and I remember seeing pictures of them with their new son and thinking about what a beautiful family they were. And I came to the realization that I would probably never be fully happy or truly fulfilled without a child.”

“WE DECIDED THAT MAYBE HAVING A FAMILY JUST WASN’T MEANT TO BE. WE MAY HAVE EVEN CONVINCED OURSELVES, FOR A SHORT WHILE, THAT WE WERE GOING TO BE HAPPY WITHOUT KIDS.”

HOPE THROUGH ADOPTION

The next year was hard for the Kirchners. “We decided that maybe having a family just wasn’t meant to be,” Rachel says. “We

Adoption wasn’t something the Kirchners had seriously considered before. “It scared us a lot. The cost, the risks, all of it. And I wanted to experience pregnancy,” says Rachel. But seeing her friend with her son made Rachel think their family could be created through adoption. They began the application process with Lutheran Family and Children’s Services in December 2015 and completed it in March 2016. In June 2016, the Kirchners received a call that a potential birth mother wanted

to meet them. The couple met her on their six-year anniversary, two years after their last miscarriage. A week later, they got the good news. “What I remember most about that summer was feeling so ready, so happy that we were finally going to have our family,” says Rachel. On August 11, 2016, their son, Lennon, was born. “The feelings that we felt in that

Coping through Communication A recent MU study discusses specialized communication narratives that help couples deal with miscarriage. According to the study, “Many individuals struggle with disclosing their feelings and often rely on a spouse for continual support.” The study looks at ways in which both men and women can use “communicated perspectivetaking” to cope with loss and strengthen their relationships. During their struggles in starting a family, Rachel says she sometimes assumed Erik knew how she was feeling. “But I realized that he didn’t, and it became very clear that the only way we

delivery room can’t be put into words,” says

would grow closer was to share how we were feeling with one another.” The couple began having open conversations. “It was comforting knowing we were feeling a lot of the same things. We empathized with one another because we both understood it,” Rachel says. Rachel finds it meaningful to share their story because hearing similar stories has helped her heal. “This is something we don’t talk about enough in our society, so people don’t know how to respond to the situation,” Rachel shares. “I’m simply paying it forward in the hopes that I can help other women in the same way.”

Rachel. “I have a love for my son and his birth mom that I don’t think I could ever fully describe.” Rachel had another miscarriage in August of this year after being diagnosed with endometriosis just months prior. “I won’t try to understand why it happened again,” she says. “And it still hurt, but not like it has in the past, and I think that’s because of Lennon. Our life is infinitely better because he is our son.” Rachel and Erik have now begun the process to adopt a second time. They knew almost immediately after Lennon was born they wanted to be parents a second time. “We are so excited to expand our family,” Rachel says.

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Myths

Did you know some of the most commonly reported weight loss and fitness tips don’t hold up against scientific research? MYT

Small, sustained changes in activity level will produce large, long-term weight loss. This myth often sounds like, “Get in the habit of parking your car far away from a store entrance,” or “Take the stairs instead of the elevator.” While this isn’t bad advice, it won’t produce significant weight loss.

Slow, gradual weight loss is more sustainable than large, rapid weight loss. This myth says losing one to two pounds per week is ideal, while those who lose more weight faster will eventually gain it all back. Again, the research shows something quite different. MYT

A breastfed child won’t become an overweight adult. This myth originated from a World Health Organization (WHO) study that reported people who were breastfed were less likely to be obese adults. However, WHO later found clear evidence of publication bias in the literature used for the report. More recent studies with better scientific models proved there is no evidence breastfeeding prevents obesity. MYT

Read more about these weight-loss myths on MUHealth.org.

—Kevin Suttmoeller, DO Medical weight loss specialist at MU Health Care

Reducing your risk of heart disease really is about making smart choices. The good news is that taking some simple, small steps now can reduce your risk of heart disease in the future. HEALTHY EATING HABITS. Choose foods low in saturated fat, trans fat and sodium. Eat, fiberrich whole grains, fish, nuts and vegetables. Also, limit sugary beverages and red meat. PHYSICAL ACTIVITY. Two to three hours of brisk walking over the course of a week can go a long way. You can get more steps by parking farther away from work or taking the stairs instead of an elevator. DON’T SMOKE. Smoking is the most preventable risk factor for heart disease. Smokers also have twice as many heart attacks as nonsmokers and are much more likely to die if they do suffer a heart attack. REDUCE STRESS. Long-term stress increases heart rate and blood pressure, which may damage the artery walls.

—Rachel Littrell, MD, MPH, FACC, Cardiologist at MU Health Care

Live HEALTHY

SPONSORED CONTENT

An Innovative Approach to Prenatal Care As part of our commitment to stay on the forefront of innovation and provide evidence-based care for our patients, Women’s and Children’s Hospital now offers CenteringPregnancy. CenteringPregnancy combines three important prenatal components — medical appointments, education and support — into discussionfocused group sessions. It’s not a class. Your health care team won’t lecture. Instead, you’ll explore the topics that matter most in a way that is fun and engaging. Everyone benefits from real discussions with your trusted health care team and group. Participants are empowered to share and learn from others. Centering is designed to be respectful of your time, all of your session dates are preplanned, so you’ll know exactly how to plan for your appointments.

CenteringPregnancy

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go through pregnancy together

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Each session lasts approximately STUDIES HAVE SHOWN THAT WOMEN RECEIVING GROUP PRENATAL CARE ARE: • Less likely to have a preterm birth and a very low birth weight infant

90 MINUTES Allowing patients the time and flexibility to explore health and wellness topics that fit the group’s needs.

• More likely to reach their breastfeeding goals • More likely to report increased confidence and patient satisfaction

18-20 HOURS with team A typical obstetrics patient spends two to four hours with her health care provider.

—Courtney Barnes, MD, OBGYN

Throughout the 10 Centering sessions, women spend approximately 18 to 20 hours interacting with their health care team.

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Beating the Winter Blues In general, we know that winter is tougher on people because of colder weather and reduced sunlight. Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), sometimes referred to as the “winter blues,” is a type of depression that usually starts in the late fall or early winter and lasts until spring or summer Although researchers don’t fully understand why some people are affected by SAD, there are things you can do to limit its effects. • Brighten your home and work environment by opening blinds and drapes. Add more light to the rooms you spend the most time in. • Make the most out of sunny days. Take walks in the sunlight whenever possible. • Exercising and staying active also seems to help reduce depression linked to SAD. • Light therapy boxes, which mimic outdoor light, may be effective in treating SAD. However, light therapy boxes are not approved or regulated by the Food and Drug Administration for treating SAD. • Make time for yourself so that you can do the things you enjoy doing. • Medications also can help reduce the effects of SAD. Talk to your doctor about your depression if your symptoms are getting in the way of work, or affect your quality of life.

—John Lauriello, MD Medical Director of the Missouri Psychiatric Center

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SEASONS

LATE BLOOMER

Whe n i t’s ti m e t o re l e a s e t h e lies of our youth . by B E T H B R A M S T E D T

he house is still. I lay curled up on the love seat in the living room. It’s one of my favorite places, especially when no one else is home. I smile, looking down at my feet. I wiggle my toes, taking time to notice the writing in soft, pink script running across the top of my socks — “I am beautiful.” I. Am. Beautiful. These socks serve as a tangible reminder of something I’ve only recently acknowledged. The doubt started in fifth grade. I’d always been chubby, but I must not have noticed, since I was blissfully loved by my family and friends. Before then, jokes about my appearance were limited to being nicknamed “Four Eyes” by my classmates. But that school year was different. Boys were beginning to sprout, and girls had started to develop. My friends were growing up and asserting their individuality. Yet I was stuck in that awkward stage. My body had begun to fill out, adding pounds to my middle before my height could catch up. I was lumpy, plump, and frumpy. And it didn’t go unnoticed. The lie started as an innocent game: a class full of 10-year-olds playing Mad Libs, laughing, passing the time until the bell rang. A girl named Audra walked to the front of the room and began asking the class to fill in the blanks. “I need a plural noun.” “Now an adverb.” “A body part,” she said. I smiled, playing along, until the next phrase shot out of her mouth. “Someone who still has their baby fat.” And before anyone else could answer, she blurted out my name and wrote it down, as though the answer was obvious. The classroom erupted in giggles. I was mortified. I sat at my desk, my head ducked in embarrassment. Paralyzed. Frozen. That experience fueled what I believed about myself for the next 30 years. I was

plain. I was chubby. I would never be beautiful. And everyone knew it.

SOMETIMES THE LIES WE TELL OURSELVES AS KIDS BECOME OUR GROWN-UP TRUTHS. Sometimes the lies we tell ourselves as kids become our grown-up truths. It took years and lots of intentional choices to find the real me under the layers of doubt, shame, and oversized clothing. But a few years back, the truth began to emerge as a quiet voice, calling to my soul, boosting my confidence.

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You. Are. Beautiful. You – Yes, you. Wife, mother, daughter, and friend. Leader, storyteller, and country music fan. All curvy, 5-feet, 5-inches, 40plus years, and 165 pounds of you. Are – Meaning assumed, without question. A state of being, a point that can’t be argued. Beautiful – One of a kind. Wonderfully made. A masterpiece. Worthy of being treasured and cherished. The realization felt like a warm blanket — it was the death of a lifetime of lies and the birth of a bold, courageous, new me. I began to live into the truth: flourishing, thriving, fully in bloom.

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F E B RUA RY/ MA R C H - 201 8

LIFE COACHING

THE CHALLENGE OF BEING How are yo u s h ow i n g u p? by C A R O LY N PA R I S

t’s the middle of winter. Now what? I’m in the minority that likes it getting dark by 5:00 p.m. There’s something so comforting in knowing I can’t go out and “do” something. Yet, for many of us, this time of year brings feelings of isolation, depression, loneliness, and boredom. We’ve long forgotten our New Year’s goal to pursue the “good life.” So how do we find and maintain joy in the middle of unwanted circumstances, difficult people, and a sense of discontentment? Many of us try to numb out, inhaling our feelings through a cigarette or drinking our emotions through a stiff drink (or two) at the end of the day. That leads down a predictable avenue: we don’t get quality sleep, which means we’re less resilient to challenges. Our clothes get a little too tight, so we feel uncomfortable and unattractive. We’re trapped. We often believe if we have some particular thing, then we’ll be happy — warm weather, better relationships, a ski trip. But most of us have, at some point, been somewhere really cool and still felt sad. It’s not the “having” that brings us satisfaction. What if a piece of the path to joy was who we were being — how we tended to “show up” in life? Do we show up generous or stingy, tender or cold, forgiving or resentful, cowardly or courageous, angry or loving, grateful or entitled? We get to choose. I invite you to notice how you’re showing up this week. No need to fix it. Just notice. When you walk into your boss’s office, are you showing up guarded? Do you notice a tightness in your chest? When your teenager asks for more money, do you feel resentful? Is your jaw clenched? How we show up shapes our experience of life. We have no real control over what happens or how people treat us. What we do have purview over is who we are being. Once

we begin to notice habitual patterns of who we are being, we have a choice to keep it or leave it behind.

I INVITE YOU TO NOTICE HOW YOU’RE SHOWING UP THIS WEEK. NO NEED TO FIX IT. JUST NOTICE. At one time in my business career, I endured a bad boss. I was being a victim. I was suffering, strategizing a way to avoid them. Once I began to notice how I was showing up, I started a transformation that allowed me to make powerful choices in my life. Today, the person you can count on me being is one of joy, inspiration, and fulfillment.

COMO L I V I N G

So when the sky is gray for the sixth day in a row and the temperature drops (again), notice the feeling of sadness, boredom, or resentment showing up. Notice who you’re being. Is this decision giving you energy or leaking energy? The practice of being aware and responsible for how you show up, no matter what, will help you be the creator of your life. And that’s a good thing for all seasons. C A R O LY N PA R I S As a consultant and coach, Carolyn works with highperforming people who are “up to something.” She guides clients to new levels of joy, power, and satisfaction in their life.

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UNLEASHED

CHOOSING HEALTH

Re be cca Joh n s on re s e a rc h e s t h e impact of an imal s on our wel l n ess. by M A D I S O N L OV E

ebecca Johnson grew up with a love of animals. Pets were a constant in her life, and while working as a nurse, she noticed a trend among her patients: those who owned pets were more willing to do the work required for their release than those who were non-pet owners. Pets or animals as a means of motivation became a topic that captivates Rebecca to this day. Rebecca now works as the Millsap Professor of Gerontological Nursing and Public Policy at MU, where she is also a professor in the College of Veterinary

“ANIMALS TEACH US TO BE IN THE MOMENT BECAUSE THEY ARE ALWAYS IN THE MOMENT.” Medicine. Outside of the classroom, Rebecca is the founder and director of the Research Center for Human-Animal Interaction, known as ReCHAI, which was created within the veterinary school. The ReCHAI team, of which Rebecca is the principal investigator, is comprised of

COMO L I V I N G

undergraduate, masters, doctoral, and postdoctoral members. Their mission is to show that animals can provide social support and be a means of motivation for exercise and other wellness-promoting behaviors. They’re currently conducting several trials to research the positive effects that pets can have on people’s health. One of the team’s hopes is to reduce PTSD in veterans through therapeutic horseback riding offered at Cedar Creek Therapeutic Riding Center, outside Columbia. Another is to help patients who are coping with obesity lose weight by pairing them with a walking therapy dog. The team is also pairing therapy dogs with the elderly to help increase their mobility. ReCHAI recorded the health benefits of seniors who walked with dogs and, as a counter, also tested the health benefits of people who walk with other people. The dog-walkers showed more improvement than those who walked with friends. “It amazes me that these people are so motivated to walk by committing to an animal that isn’t their own,” Rebecca says. Rebecca’s research and determination has helped people and animals within our community build positive health behaviors. “Animals teach us to be in the moment because they are always in the moment,” she says. It’s this lesson, she believes, that aids in the mental and physical improvement of each person who is matched with an animal. Rebecca has also been awarded the MU Excellence in Education Award for mentoring outside the classroom, and she teaches her undergraduate course, “Human-Companion Animal Interaction,” which won the Humane Society of the United States’ 11th annual Animals and Society Distinguished Established Course Award. Rebecca is also a published author of two books, “Health Benefits of Dog Walking” and “Walk a Hound, Lose a Pound.”

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F O R W H AT I T ’ S W O R T H

SHOP LOCAL ANTIQUE MALLS

Winter offers stocked booths and empty aisles.

by D OUG SOL L I DAY, Do u g l a s L . S ol l id ay A n t i ques | ph otos by SADIE TH IBODEAUX

We’re very fortunate to have three large and successful antique malls here in Mid-Missouri. They show a wide variety of merchandise and furnishings from the early 1800s all the way to the modern mid-century and late 20th century. And you can set aside the image of dusty, dirty, foul-smelling warehouses you might have encountered in your previous antiquing travels — Columbia’s malls are clean, organized, and generally well-lit. Mid-February is a perfect time to go antiquing. Traffic is light, so the booths are fully stocked and the aisles are wide open. Give yourself somewhere between 90 minutes and two hours to fully experience each of these options, all of which happen to be right off the highway. ARTICHOKE ANNIE’S Let’s start at the east end of town with Artichoke Annie’s Antique Mall on the southeast corner of I-70 Exit 137. Artichoke Annie’s is owned and managed by LouAnn and David Riggs. They named the store after a restaurant in Southern California that was a favorite haunt before the couple relocated to Missouri. (Artichokes happen to be their favorite vegetable too.) Artichoke Annie’s is clean and well-organized, with 200 booths and 50 showcases. They try hard to keep contemporary merchandise out, but the 1970 cut-off date is more flexible than it used to be. They’re open 8:00 a.m. to 8:00 p.m., so almost anyone can find a time to visit. VERANDA ANTIQUE MALL Moving west, on the southeast corner of I-70 Exit 133 is Veranda Antique Mall, owned and managed by Levon Gish. Located in what was once a dance hall and then a furniture store, the mall has plenty of space for its 100 booths and 35 showcases. This mall is neatly organized by a very friendly staff. I don’t know why, but I always get the feeling when I visit that a great find is just around the corner.

MIDWAY ANTIQUE MALL West to Exit 121 we find the Midway Antique Mall, located on the hill behind the Midway Travel Plaza. The mall is owned by Joe Bechtold and managed by Kathy Eimel. With 500 booths and 28 showcases, the facility is a little more spacious than other antiquing spots in town — planning a little extra time might be a good idea. There’s quite a lot of new merchandise at this mall, but that can be as fun in its own way. It’s clean and bright inside — the building was once a horse show arena, but it has been totally upgraded. Across the parking lot, if you have the time, is a new venture called 121 Consignment Furniture, managed by Dwaine Witte. This is a consignment business with contemporary furniture and a few antiques. Stores like this one are opening in many cities across the country, altering the retail furniture and antique landscape. It’s definitely worth a walk through. Last bit of advice: antique malls are a little like museums — more than two hours of looking and one’s eyes start to cross. Happy hunting!

I-70 Antique Malls ARTICHOKE ANNIE’S ANTIQUE MALL Southeast corner of Exit 137 573-474-2056 8 a.m. to 8 p.m. daily

MIDWAY ANTIQUE MALL Exit 121 behind Midway Travel Plaza 573-445-0042 9 a.m. to 6 p.m. Monday through Saturday; 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. on Sunday

VERANDA ANTIQUE MALL Southwest corner of Exit 133 573-814-3600 9 a.m. to 6 p.m. Monday through Saturday; 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. on Sunday

121 CONSIGNMENT FURNITURE Exit 121 behind Midway Travel Plaza 573-445-4226 9 a.m. to 6 p.m. Monday through Saturday; 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. on Sunday

COMO LLI IVVI INNGG COMO

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F E B RUA RY/ MA R C H - 201 8

DATEBOOK FEBRUARY 19 LA Theatre Works: “The Mountaintop “ Jesse Auditorium, $18 to 33 per person, 7 to 9 p.m., 573-882-3781

FEBRUARY 1 True North spring volunteer training True North, 5:30 to 9:30 p.m. FEBRUARY 2 First Friday North Village Arts District, free entry, 6 to 9 p.m.

2/2 3/1-4

MARCH 1-4 True/False Film Fest Downtown Columbia, $35 to 975 per person, 573-442-8783

Armani’s Angels Pour for a Paw Whiskey and wine tasting Peachtree Catering, $60 6:30 to 10:00 p.m., info@armanisangels.org

MARCH 3 2018 Missouri Beer Festival The Holiday Inn Expo Center, $25 to 40 per person, 1 to 4 p.m., 573-886-8987

FEBRUARY 3 Columbia Farmers Market Parkade Center, free entry, 9 to 12 p.m., 573-823-6889 Fitness for a Cure Wilson’s Fitness on Southland Drive $10 donation suggested 7 a.m. to 12:45 p.m.

MARCH 11 Concert: “Chicago” Jesse Auditorium, $81.50 to 137.50 per person, 8 to 10 p.m., 573-882-3781

FEBRUARY 5-9 MU Visual Art & Design Showcase Jesse Hall, Free entry, all day, 573-882-5979

F EBRUARY 2

Armani’s Angels Pour for a Paw Whiskey and wine tasting Peachtree Catering, $60 6:30 to 10:00 p.m., info@armanisangels.org M ARC H 1-4

True/False Film Fest Downtown Columbia, $35 to 975 per person, 573-442-8783

MARCH 7 Mummenschanz: You & Me Jesse Auditorium, $28 to 48 per person, 7 to 9 p.m., 573-882-3781 MARCH 9-10 Show Me Opera: “Alcina” Missouri Theatre, $23 per person, 7 to 9:30 p.m., 573-882-3781

The Hatchery Pop-up Shop The Hatchery, 9 a.m. to 12 p.m. 573-356-9567

MU ST DO IN FEBR UA R Y /M A R C H

Fourth annual Garage Sale and Bridal Flea Market, A1 Party and Event Rental 8 a.m. to 12 p.m., 573-471-7881

FEBRUARY 10 Galentine’s Day Brunch Günter Hans 11 a.m. to 2 p.m.

MARCH 16-17 Missouri Contemporary Ballet: “Cinderella” Missouri Theatre, $28 to 48 per person, 7 to 9 p.m., 573-882-3781

FEBRUARY 19 Wild & Scenic Film Festival The Blue Note, $14 for adults, $10 for students, free for kids 8 and under Doors open at 1 p.m., www.riverrelief.org

MARCH 17 Shamrox Columbia Run and Beer Festival The District, $25 to 180 per person, 8 to 12 p.m., 573-445-2664

FEBRUARY 18 Jazz Series — René Marie Murry’s, $28 per person, 3:30 to 6 p.m., 573-449-3009

MARCH 18 Staatskapelle Weimar Jesse Auditorium, $18-38 per person, 3 to 5 p.m., 573-882-3781

COMO L I V I N G

F E B RUA RY/ MA R CH - 2018

We salute women who... stay calm under pressure have a sense of purpose focus on the next step are willing to learn overcome obstacles are visionaries exude confidence build relationships operate with integrity (left to right)

support other women

Kari Vogt Financial Planner Polly Reynolds, CPA, CTFA Vice President & Trust Officer Jenny Hayes Account Administrator

Youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re sure to like the women at The Trust Company as they embody these attributes and more. See us for your investment portfolio, trusts, estates, and wealth management. 4210 Philips Farm Road, Suite 109 I Columbia, MO 65201 I thetrustco.com I 573.876.7000 I Toll Free 800.285.7878 This is a Trust Representative Office. COMO L I V I N G

F E B RUA RY/ MA R C H - 201 8

STRONG WOMAN

KELLY DELINE Bereaved mother endures tragic loss and strives to encourage others. Kelly DeLine, a 17-year employee of Shelter Insurance, talks about staying strong after a car accident took her son’s life in July of 2002 and how donating his organs helped soothe her grief. AGE: 54.

YEARS IN COLUMBIA: 13. WHO OR WHAT HAS BEEN YOUR BIGGEST INSPIRATION? The Bible.

Also: the answer is always “no” if you don’t ask, so ask for the moon!

WHAT’S THE BIGGEST LESSON YOU’VE LEARNED? There may not be another day. If something needs to be said, say it now. FROM WHAT DO YOU DRAW STRENGTH? Scripture reading, a smile from the people I love and care about, and spending time with my brothers. WHAT IS YOUR PASSION? Being a source of encouragement to hurting people, especially bereaved moms. WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO BE A STRONG WOMAN? Surviving the worst loss and still continuing to move forward with life. WHAT ADVICE WOULD YOU GIVE A YOUNGER VERSION OF YOU? Whatever it is you want to do, find a way to make it happen. Or at least give it all you’ve got — don’t be so afraid to try new things.

WHAT WOULD WE BE SURPRISED TO LEARN ABOUT YOU? I like to fry Colby cheese in an iron skillet and then eat it with a fork while its hot and bubbly! HOW DID YOU GET WHERE YOU ARE TODAY? By putting one foot in front of the other and pressing on. WHAT ARE FIVE THINGS THAT INSPIRE YOU? Women that take good care of themselves physically and mentally; godly women; assertive women; wise women; generous people. WHAT MAKES YOU SMILE? My 8-month-old chocolate lab, Bailey. TELL ME ABOUT YOUR FAMILY. There’s my husband of 26 years, Greg DeLine; my step-daughter Aimee Briggs and her husband, LeRone; my step-daughter Jessica Christensen and her husband, Charlie; and my grandchildren, Isaiah, Xavier, and Lanee Briggs and Lincoln Christensen.

COMO L I V I N G

WHAT IS YOUR ALL-TIME BIGGEST REGRET? That I didn’t cherish the years with my son as much as I could have. Jacob was born when I was 17. I made myself so busy with things that didn’t really matter. I wish I could have known he’d only be here for 21 ½ years. WHO DO YOU ADMIRE MOST AND WHY? My mother. She always made me a priority growing up, even through my wild and crazy teen years. When I became a bereaved mother at 39, she kept loving me and encouraging me to keep going, especially when I thought there was no way I could go on. IF THEY MADE A MOVIE ABOUT YOUR LIFE, WHAT WOULD THE FILM’S MOST CLIMACTIC MOMENT BE? Deciding to donate Jacob’s organs. Parts of my son are still alive and well in other people — knowing that is truly a comfort. Knowing that his gifts gave the recipients a second chance at life helped with my grief. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON IN A BOX OF CRAYOLAS, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? Bright red.

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COMO L I V I N G

F E B RUA RY/ MA R C H - 201 8

ADVERTISER INDEX 44 Stone

First Midwest Bank

Absolute Vintage

Jasany Home

Achieve Balance

Jenning’s Premium Meats

Anne Tuckley Home

Johnston Paint & Decorating Direct

Baumgartner’s Furniture & Carpet

Keith Borgmeyer Photography

Boone Hospital

Kliethermes Homes and Remodeling

Brain Balance

8&9

Busenbark Flooring and Granite

Columbia Podiatry

Coming Home

Show Me Farms

Stange Law Firm

Studio Home

Superior Garden Center/Rost Landscape

20 7

La Di Da Landmark Bank

Talking Horse Productions Theater

26 & 31

The District

The Pet Fair

The Trust Company

Macadoodles 40

Tiger Scholarship Fund

Massage Envy

True False Film Fest

Muse 76

Unbound Book Festival

My Sister’s Circus

University of Missouri Health Care

Organize That Space

Downtown Appliance

Personal Touch Cleaning Service

Van Matre, Harrison, Hollis, Taylor, and Bacon, P.C.

Dr. Letrisha Thomas

Providence Bank

Vaughan Pools & Spas

Weichert Realty: Denise Payne

Willett Dental Associates

Wilson’s Fitness

Commerce Bank

Dave Griggs Flooring America

DogMaster Distillery Dogwood Solar

Eat Fit Go

Provision Living

European Wax Center

Realty Executives- Heath Higgins

Ferguson 16

Shelter Insurance Agents

COMO L I V I N G

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COUPLE YOU SHOULD KNOW Kim and Bennet Fallis found love young and have kept it for 27 years. HOW DID YOU MEET ? Kim: We first met at eighth-grade cotillion. Bennet was a student a West Junior High, and I was at Jeff Junior High. Back then, you had a cotillion “dance card” you had to fill out to determine who your partner would be for each dance. Bennet asked me to sign his card multiple times! HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN TOGETHER? K: Funny to think, but we’ve been together longer than we’ve been apart. We’re both in our mid- 40s and have been together for 27 years! WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST DATE? Bennet: Our first official date was not until our senior year in high school. I asked her to the Rock Bridge High School homecoming dance. I’ll never forget — I passed her a note in Mrs. Ford’s sociology class to ask her. I got in trouble for passing the note, but it was worth it! WHAT IS UNIQUE ABOUT YOUR REL ATIONSHIP? B: I think it’s unusual to find your best friend in high school, stick it out through college, and still be best friends and soul mates all these years later. WHAT IS THE KE Y TO A L ASTING AND HE ALTHY REL ATIONSHIP? K: Give yourself — to your family, your friends, your charities. Give your commitment and love unconditionally. Oh, and laugh a lot. It’s good for the soul! WHAT’ S A STORY PEOPLE DON’T KNOW ABOUT YOUR SPOUSE? K: He’s a big Cubs fan, so we took some friends to Chicago for a Cardinals vs. Cubs game. Bennet found himself detained in “Cubs jail” for fulfilling one of his dad’s last wishes: spreading some of his ashes on the ivy wall in right field. We were frantically trying to figure out where he had been taken, only to

find out he had been released and was sitting across the street at his dad’s favorite bar, Murphy’s, watching the rest of the game! WHAT IS THE BEST QUALIT Y OF YOUR PARTNER? K: His integrity. His motto for our family is “Always do the right thing, even when no one is looking.” He is incredibly loyal too. B: Her patience and her ability to handle any situation with grace. As my father-inlaw says, she is unflappable. She’s the most patient person I know. WHAT MAKES YOU MOST PROUD OF YOUR PARTNER? K: His dedication to our family and his determination to succeed at whatever he does. He’s an overachiever who never wants to let anyone down. B: She is the most selfless person I know, truly. She always thinks of everyone else first. WHAT’ S YOUR FAVORITE PL ACE YOU’ VE TR AVELED TOGETHER? B: When we were in college, we studied abroad in London together and got to

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visit a bunch of amazing places. One of my favorites was our 10-day backpack trip through Italy, Switzerland, Germany, and Austria. We rode the train and stayed in youth hostels along the way. We learned so much during that trip — I hope our kids get to experience something similar someday! TELL US ABOUT YOUR FAMILY. B: We have four amazing kids. Our oldest, Joseph, is 15, Madeline is 14, Andrew is 13, and Catherine is 11. For a short period, we had four kids under five years old — talk about crazy times! But we’re learning that the old cliché about kids growing up too quick really is true. WHAT HAS BEEN YOUR FAVORITE PROJEC T TO WORK ON TOGETHER? K: My favorite project-in-process is our four kids and watching them grow into young people with their own personalities and life goals. My favorite actual project was probably when we decided to wallpaper a very small bathroom in our home. My mother-in-law told us that if we could survive that, we could survive anything.

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COMO L I V I N G | 2001 CORPORATE PLACE, STE. 100 | COLUMBIA, MO 65202

YES, SUNDAY TOO! Folks, we’re delighted to remind you we’re here 7 days for your convenience. So, no matter what day you choose to visit, you’ll find the same fully outfitted show room, same great selection, and the same “world’s best” SERTA mattresses. And last, and anything but least, the same terrific service ---start to finish. Downtown Appliance Home Center and The Sleep Shop... two great stores in one!

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