Como Living Feb/Mar 2019

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COM O LIVING Business Times Company 2001 Corporate Place, Suite 100 Columbia, MO 65202

P: 573-499-1830 Website: comolivingmag.com Twitter: @COMOLivingMag Facebook: COMOLivingMagazine Instagram: @comolivingmag —

EDITORIAL Deb Valvo, Publisher Deb@BusinessTimesCompany.com

Beth Bramstedt, Editor Beth@BusinessTimesCompany.com

Tiffany Schmidt, Associate Editor

LE T TE R from TH E E D I T O R

Tiffany@BusinessTimesCompany.com

MARBLE JAR FRIENDS

Mary Kate Hafner, Associate Editor

At the end of every year, I spend some time reflecting on my experiences, inventorying what I’ve learned and counting my blessings. This year, as I pondered the places I felt most alive and the people who were influential in my growth, the names of my marble jar friends kept rising to the surface. “Trust is like a marble These are the men and women whom I share jar. For every moment my life with. They are the ones who know what goes on in my head and my heart. The of trust earned, one people who encourage me, challenge me, and marble goes in the let me show up as I am, without judgment. jar. We only share They have heard my giggles, caught my tears, our important stories and witnessed my propensity to overanalyze with friends who everything and doubt myself. have filled up their Do you have people like this in your life? marble jars.” For our Friends and Family Issue, we have — Brené Brown chosen to highlight stories of marble jar friends. Whether it’s a father, grandmother, husband, cocktail club, or even a horse, this issue is packed full of relationships that are making a difference for those they love. So pour a glass of wine, grab some tissues, and toast to those you can't live without!

Kate Morrow, Graphic Designer

MaryKate@BusinessTimesCompany.com

Elizabeth Quinn, Department Editor DESIGN Cassidy Shearrer, Graphic Designer Cassidy@BusinessTimesCompany.com

Beth Bramstedt

COMO

Editor

COLUMBIA LIFESTYLE AND CULTURE

Friends & Family

On the Cover Pediatric cancer survivor Zoe Wagner and her father, Paul, share a special bond following Zoe’s illness. Photo by Keith Borgmeyer. COMO L I V I N G

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Kate@BusinessTimesCompany.com

Jordan Watts, Graphic Designer Jordan@BusinessTimesCompany.com

Sadie Thibodeaux, Graphic Designer Sadie@BusinessTimesCompany.com

MARKETING Deb Valvo, Marketing Consultant Deb@BusinessTimesCompany.com

Bonnie Hudson, Marketing Consultant Bonnie@BusinessTimesCompany.com

Susie Sapp, Marketing Consultant Susie@BusinessTimesCompany.com

MANAGEMENT Erica Pefferman, President Erica@BusinessTimesCompany.com

Renea Sapp, Vice President ReneaS@BusinessTimesCompany.com

Amy Ferrari, Operations Manager Amy@BusinessTimesCompany.com

Beth Bramstedt, Editorial Director Beth@BusinessTimesCompany.com

CONT RI B UT I NG P H OTO G RAPHE R S Matt Boness, Keith Borgmeyer, Anastasia Pottinger, Tiffany Schmidt, Sadie Thibodeaux CONTRIBUTING WRITERS Katie Perry Harris, Jessica Vaughn Martin, Jill Orr, Cassidy Shearrer, Jennifer Truesdale, Marcus Wilkins

CON TE N TS FEATURES / DEPARTMENTS

52 13

Letter from the Editor

Destinations: Best of the Wurst

Feature: To Have and to Hold

Shelf Life: A Motherâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Heart

Home Tour: Home HistORRy

Seasons: Home Is Where Mom Is

Giving Back:

Gourmet:

How Does Your Garden Grow?

Transformations: From Depression to Hope

Things We Love: Perfectly Productive

Auld Lang Syne, Gatsby Style

Fashion: Pinkies Up

Feature: Modern Family

61 COMO L I V I N G

February/March Datebook

Strong Woman: Rebecca Walden

Feature: Speaking from the Heart -

Unleashed: The Language of Friendship

F E B RUA RY/ MA R C H 2 01 9

Couple You Should Know: John Gilbreth and Amanda Rainey

We’re•so•much•more¶ than•a•bookshop. You’ll love not only what’s on our shelves but what happens between them, as well! Readings, signings, talks, book clubs, and more.

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SHELF LIFE

A MOTHER’S HEART Ka te Ba r te l Krom a n n’s l e g a c y l ives on th roug h Littl e Free Libraries. by T I F FA N Y S C H M I D T

WHEN KATE BARTEL KROMANN became a mother, her whole world changed, like it does for any mother. As a journalist, Kate had a dedicated, inquisitive spirit. Upon the birth of her children, she embraced this spirit and threw herself wholeheartedly into her new assignment as a parent. She quit her job and became a stay-at-home mom, volunteering at her church to fill any down time that she had. Her journalistic background had given Kate a love for research, and she was purposeful in seeking out knowledge that would benefit her as a mother. As a result, the importance of literacy and active, experiential play became a major part of her parenting philosophy. One afternoon while Kate was walking with her children and her mother, Susan Bartel, the family came across what appeared to be a large birdhouse filled with books — a little lending library. Kate recognized the importance of access to reading materials, and she and Susan remarked on how fun it would be to start a little library of their own. In September 2015, Kate died unexpectedly at the age of 31. Throughout her life, Kate had been filled with a determination and passion to help others. Her family and friends created a memorial fund, Kate’s Heart, as they felt that it was important that this spirit live on in the community she loved to serve. In college, Kate had started a student organization, Mizzou Center Stage Dance, where students volunteered their time teaching dance to children in the community who couldn’t afford to take lessons. In 2016, Center Stage held their annual recital in her honor. When another Center Stage mother heard the story of Kate’s passion, she was so touched that she reached out to Susan with books to donate in Kate’s honor. Susan was then reminded of her afternoon walk with Kate and the little library that she had loved. Adding to these libraries seemed like the perfect way to continue to develop Kate’s Heart. “It’s something she would have loved to have been involved with,” says Susan. Last Mother’s Day, Kate’s Heart dedicated its first library to the Little Free Library Project at the Mary Lee Johnston Center off Hinkson Road. About a COMO L I V I N G

month later, Kate’s Heart was able to add another library in the St. Louis area, near a mobile home park in Chesterfield. Kate’s Heart currently has three more libraries ready to place in the spring of 2019. Each of the libraries are built, painted, and donated locally. A volunteer steward keeps the libraries stocked with an assortment of books. To best serve the community, the libraries are placed in underserved areas. In addition to the libraries, Kate’s Heart has created “Kate Packs” or “Kids’ Activities to Empower.” The packs include similarly themed books paired with a reader’s guide designed to assist parents in reading alongside their children. The packs also include additional materials such as puppets or toys that can enhance the child’s reading experience. Kate’s Heart will begin distributing packs through preschools and local organizations on Kate’s birthday, February 14. Celebrating the packs on Kate’s birthday is bittersweet for Susan, as it encapsulates Kate’s humble nature. “Kate wouldn’t have wanted to draw attention to herself,” Susan adds. “Her enthusiasm was about getting materials and books into the hands of kids who otherwise wouldn’t have access.” F E B RUA RY/ MA R C H 201 9

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F E B RUA RY/ MA R C H 201 9

GIVING BACK

HOW DOES YOUR GARDEN GROW? Brandy Schrag develops a love for cooking fresh food thanks to her Opportunity Garden. by C A S S I DY S H E A R R E R photos courtesy of BRANDY SCHRAG

eeding picky kids a healthy dinner is something most parents struggle with. Brandy Schrag, a single mom of two kids with special needs, understands this struggle intimately. But her resources got a little more interesting when her son Kannon brought home a flier from school about a gardening program. The flier advertised the Columbia Center for Urban Agriculture’s Opportunity Gardens program, led by Trish Woolbright. The program partners gardening experts and volunteers with low-income households to build garden beds and provide supplies and mentorship over a period of three years. Opportunity Gardens provides everything: the lumber, dirt, compost, seedlings, even a garden hose if you need one. But Brandy, who uses a wheelchair and had never gardened before, was a little hesitant. “I was worried we weren’t going to be able to do it because I can’t get down on the ground,” Brandy says. But Trish, a born optimist, wasn’t deterred; she had built raised beds before. In 2018, Trish worked with 96 different households. Since 2011, Opportunity Gardens has installed 516 garden beds. Building an accessible garden for Brandy was certainly within Trish’s wheelhouse. Brandy estimates they had the whole thing built in about an hour. While installing a custom-built garden was integral to giving Brandy the chance to grow her own food, what really makes the program special is the mentorship aspect. For someone who isn’t sure where herbs come from, growing basil is fairly intimidating. Trish’s encouragement went a long way. When Brandy’s garden first started growing, she wasn’t sure how to measure success; she called

Trish asking if the tomatoes were doing OK. “She called me and was like, ‘Trish, what’s happening?’” Trish says. And I said, “Well, you have an abundance . . . that is what they look like. In fact, that’s what they look like when they’re doing really, really well.” Watching people learn new things makes Trish happy. Trish clocked 357 mentoring experiences in 2018. Some of those were spent teaching people the difference between a weed and a pepper plant. Some were spent helping a gardener who rents put together a garden made of 40 buckets — the same amount of dirt she would use if they could build a bed. Some were spent teaching Brandy how to can. “She taught me how to do the hot water bath canning,” Brandy says. “It was not as hard as I was thinking it was going to be.” Brandy only planted two tomato plants and but ended up with 27 pints of tomato products. Pretty prolific for a new gardener. And her kids even like her salsa. “So, it goes from people who’ve never touched dirt and who eat mainly fast food to getting them into gardening and cooking

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at home,” Trish says. “Some people just want a salad garden. Some people, like Brandy, want to can some vegetables and show their kids where vegetables come from and have some good family time and community time outside.” As most kids tend to do, Kannon saw his interest in gardening wane. But Brandy is hooked. “I enjoy it much more than I thought I was going to,” she says. And she’s learning a lot, too, like how to store her onions and potatoes separately so they stay fresh longer. And that butternut squash likes to “climb.” (She has plans for a trellis next season.) As CCUA moves into the new agriculture park near the ARC this year, more resources will become available for people like Brandy. Trish is looking forward to expanding her teaching opportunities so that one day those people who have never touched dirt can be the ones selling tomatoes at a farmer’s market booth. Brandy’s just excited for this spring, when the onions and garlic wintering in her bed right now will be ready to harvest.

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T R A N S F O R M AT I O N S

FROM DEPRESSION TO HOPE Ra che l O ls o n awa ke n s f rom h er emotion al coma an d l earn s to l ove herself. by B E T H B R A M S T E D T | ph o to s by S A D I E T H I B O D E AU X

n the fall of 2013, Rachel Olson was stuck in a cycle of severe depression. She felt

emotionally numb and her automatic response to most situations was shame. Her internal struggle was magnified by a relationship that didn’t meet her emotional needs, and she was at a loss to understand what was going on inside of her and him. Then one day, right before Christmas, the relationship simply imploded. Just like that, it was over. Since that painful day, Rachel has been on a path of authenticity, a journey to find herself and understand the feelings going on inside of her body. It’s a road she describes as hard, but worth it. It’s also one I, as her friend, have been honored to walk with her. “Pain is always a catalyst for change. It has a way of distilling you down to the bare bones of who you are,” Rachel shares. “I don’t know if I would have become my authentic self without that push. It made me examine who I am.”

DA RI NG GR E AT LY Originally from Minnesota, Rachel came

While on a personal retreat, Rachel realized

myself and my inner child,” Rachel shares.

to Columbia in 2010 to pursue her PhD in

that she didn’t consider her emotions to be valid,

When Rachel first started identifying

molecular pathogenesis and therapeutics at MU.

a lie that stemmed from past key events when her

her feelings, she had to sit in a quiet, dim

Her emphasis was in microbiology, and she spent

feelings were shut down.

environment and sense sensations where she

her time studying the bacteria that cause plague.

“One of the things Brené says is that you can’t

could feel them.

We met at church and connected over the work

shut down your negative emotional responses

of Brené Brown, a research professor and author

to things without shutting down all of your

positive response to something, but nothing

who specializes in studying empathy, courage,

emotional responses to everything,” Rachel says.

more than that,” she explains. Eventually

vulnerability, and shame.

“When I heard that on a TED Talk, a light bulb

she could link biological responses like her

went off. I realized I shut down my emotional

blood pressure rising, her shoulders tensing,

responses all of the time.”

or sharpness in her abdomen to feelings like

“I was really grappling back then,” Rachel recalls, “drowning in anger, resentment, and doubt.”

Another helpful resource was Conscious

Rachel found herself wrestling with whether

“I began to tell if I was having a negative or

frustration, fear, and emotional pain. Lightness in her body correlated to happiness.

she wanted to pursue a career in science, not

Discipline, a program designed to bring

knowing how to get over her broken marriage,

transformational, social-emotional learning to

and struggling with a long list of lies she believed

kids. “Being able to recognize and help little kids

no idea about any of this emotional stuff,”

about herself.

identify what they’re feeling helped me retrain

Rachel admits. “There was this key piece that I

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“At the beginning, I felt really dumb. I had

F E B RUA RY/ MA R C H 201 9

T R A N S F O R M AT I O N S

could recognize in other people, but I couldn’t recognize it in myself.” Rachel describes her journey into emotional health and authenticity as a confluence of years of introspection, reading, therapy, friends, and assistance from some store-bought serotonin. With help from all these sources, she learned to recognize and name her feelings and dispel the lies she believed. “I still have a feelings chart taped into the front cover of every journal I use,” Rachel says. “I won’t slip back into non-recognizing mode.”

F I ND I NG BAL AN C E In the summer of 2017, following the completion of her dissertation, Rachel admits to experiencing what Brené Brown calls a vulnerability hangover. She had put herself out there professionally and felt exposed. Meeting her goal created a lot of questions: What was the point of all that work? What should she do now? “It took at least six months to feel like a human being again, rather than a human doing,” Rachel shares. Rachel continues to work hard to not come at life from a merit-based perspective — believing that she must accomplish in order to be worthwhile and have meaning as a person. “That’s a very Minnesotan outlook,” she shares. “Most of the friends I grew up with struggle with the same thing. In order to be accepted, you have to be doing constantly.” According to Rachel, that outlook has been reinforced by the scientific community, whose refrain is “publish or perish” and whose system is set up to reward workaholism. “If you’re really going to be successful, there’s always this pressure to be doing more than what’s expected of you,” Rachel says. Rachel chose to balance the pressure of her scientific career by pursuing birth work. In 2014, she was trained as a doula by Erica Kroll of Nona Birth Education & Counseling. “Part of what I love about doing birth work is that it’s the opposite of science,” Rachel shares. “There’s a lot of waiting, but it’s more immediately gratifying and emotionally fulfilling than lab work.” Rachel believes that assisting women during childbirth grounds her and gives her a sense of community and connection. “Birth makes you

feel like you’re part of something bigger in a way that you have a direct impact on someone’s life. I won’t know the impact of my scientific career on people, but I know with birth work.”

P URS U ING HOP E Rachel found resolution to her career-oriented questions and is currently a full-time postdoc research fellow at the MU College of Veterinary Medicine as well as a practicing doula. Her boss at MU is “just fantastic,” and is one of several people in her life who brings out the best in her, she says. “Rather than fall back into a selfdeprecating shame cycle, I try to fill my life with people who build me up, people who help me internalize compliments rather than accept my natural sarcastic responses,” Rachel says. She says treating herself with the

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kindness and love she gives her friends has been one of the hardest things to integrate into her life. Rachel also continues to grow in her ability to recognize when she’s falling into old thought patterns. “Being able to identify why I believed those lies ended up being a really important part of my journey,” she says. “I have to be able to recognize that when I’m having that kind of automatic response, it’s not reality. It’s trauma brain. And that is a whole different thing than real life.” Rachel describes herself as more thoughtful and aware than she was five years ago, and a lot less selfish. Her future has opened up and she is excited to dream about what life can look like, including new, life-giving relationships. “I am a very different person at 30 than I was at 25,” Rachel says. “Maybe not in essence, but in outlook and perspective.”

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Perfectly

Getting organized doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t have to feel like a chore when you have creative products like these to keep you focused. ph oto by KEITH BORGMEYER

1CANOE2 (Available at Poppy): 1 Menu planner 2 Weekly to-do planner

3 Pocket notebooks 4 2019 planner 5 Recipe cards

POPPY: 6 Rifle Paper Company

thank you notes

7 Le Pen ink pens

THE TIN ROOF MONOGRAM AND GIFT: 8 Ban.do passport

holder and luggage tag

9 Happy Everything

monthly calendar 10 Happy Everything

pencil holder 11 Packed Party

makeup bag and business card holder 12 Lily Pulitzer notebook

and pen 13 Ever Ellis paper

briefcase

14 Casery phone pocket COMO L I V I N G

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THINGS WE LOVE

Productive 6

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D E S T I N AT I O N S

BEST OF THE WURST The cozy town of Hermann offers good eats and plenty to drink. by B E T H B R A M S T E D T | ph o to s by T I F FA N Y S C H M I D T A N D J O R DA N WAT T S

had at least two good reasons to spend a day in Hermann — to experience a taste of my family’s German heritage and to whet my appetite for a cruise on the Rhine River later this spring. I also had two good reasons for declining the opportunity — I’m not a fan of either bratwurst or beer (sad, I know). Thankfully, I didn’t let the second two reasons deter me from what turned out to be a refreshing, and very filling, Friday excursion.

THE PRIDE OF STONE HILL Hermann is a picturesque town tucked away in the Missouri River Valley. Just an hour east of Columbia, its scenic views, 19th century brick buildings, and historic wineries lend themselves to strolling, tasting, and exploring.

Our adventure started with a tour and tasting at Stone Hill Winery, Missouri’s oldest and most awarded winery. Although the sky was blue and sunny, we still donned our coats and gloves for a short walk outside and a trek into the depths of their historic wine cellars. Stone Hill was founded in 1847 and once commanded 197 acres in the area. In the days before the Napa Valley Wine industry, it was the second largest winery in the United States, shipping more than 1.25 million gallons of wine annually. Then came Prohibition, and for decades, the arched, underground cellars stood empty. Today, thanks to farmers Jim and Betty Held, who bought what remained of the winery and restored it in 1965, Stone Hill is once again making wine. The winery now

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sits on 13 acres, produces 300,000 bottles of wine each year, and is tended by Jim and Betty’s son, Jon, and his wife, Karen. Five of the original nine cellars are full of state-ofthe-art production equipment and wine barrels, which our guide, Rob, told us about as we wound through the maze of rooms. “We do a lot of Norton,” Rob said as he pointed to one set of wooden barrels. Norton is Missouri’s official state grape, and Stone Hill’s 2011 Norton won the coveted Missouri Governor’s Cup award. Rob describes Norton as a “dry red, like a cabernet.” Because the grapes are tightly clustered, each one is handpicked — one of several reasons the wine is considered the pride of Stone Hill. We completed our tour and walked up the narrow staircase to the tasting room.

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D E S T I N AT I O N S

There, we each chose six wines from their numerous selections. Being a lover of sweet wines, I chose the moscato, Kickin’ Sangria, and Demi-Sec sparkling wine, which did not disappoint. I also found new friends in the reserve chardonel and concord. And the cream sherry, although stronger than I’m accustomed to, was a complex mix of sweet and nutty flavors that warmed my entire body.

BRATS & BBQ After perusing the gift shop and deciding which wines to purchase, it was time to find some substance. Our recommended destination: Hermann Wurst Haus for brats and barbecue. From the minute we smelled the smoke, we knew we were in for a treat. Owners Mike and Lynette Sloan have been making bratwurst and sausage for more than 70 years and opened the downtown restaurant and retail space in 2011. While you can buy 70 different flavors to take home, thankfully the restaurant offered limited options for dining in. My group perused the menu and strategized on

the best way to try as many as possible. Our selections: The Best of Show, caramelized pear and gorgonzola, and bacon cheddar potato bratwursts, as well as a beer marinated beef brisket sandwich with various potato and pasta salads for sides. I also couldn’t pass up the homemade root beer. The verdict? For a non-bratwurst fan, the caramelized pear and gorgonzola was the perfect combination of sweet and smoky flavors, and it was the favorite of my travel companions as well. Lunch alone was worth the trip.

PICK YOUR POISON If wine is not your pleasure, downtown is also host to the Black Shire Distillery and the Tin Mill Brewing Company. Tin Mill’s beer is made on site and reflects the ever-changing seasons of Hermann. You can take a self-guided tour of the 100-yearold building and view the original grain processing equipment. The downstairs brew hall, with its concrete walls, wooden beams, exposed copper pipe, and picnic tables, makes for a nice gathering spot for friends and family.

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We knew it would be unwise, and downright wrong, to leave Hermann without trying the beer, so we opted for the Skyscraper, a German-style pilsner. For a non-beer drinker, it was tolerable. (And actually, that’s saying a lot.) But my beerdrinking friend was a fan, and she sucked down the remainder of the glass without giving it a second thought. Our last stop was the newest tasting room of Hermann Farm’s Black Shire Distillery. The distillery uses Missouri fruits, corn, and rye to craft small batches of high-quality spirits by hand. Their product list features whiskey, wine, and gin, and all proceeds go to care for the farm’s endangered Shire draft horses and to preserve the education and history of the Hermann Farm itself. While visiting Black Shire, we met tasting room manager Molly Nichols. When asked what all there is to do in Hermann, she simply replied, “Eat and drink.” This is just fine with her, and we would have to agree — eating and drinking in Hermann makes for a pretty good day.

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HOME TOUR

Home HistORRy J i m my a n d Ji l l Or r m ake J immy â&#x20AC;&#x2122;s ch il dh ood h ome th eir own. by J I L L ORR | p h otos by S A D I E T H I B O D E AU X COMO L I V I N G

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Jill and her dog, Bubbles

Twenty-four years ago,

a cute guy with a contagious smile and thick mop of brown hair asked me out on a date. He took me to dinner and afterward he asked if we could make a quick stop at his parents’ house to check on a litter of puppies his mom’s cocker spaniel just had. It was there in the driveway that we had our first kiss. (There were puppies! I didn’t stand a chance.) That was the last first date I would ever have. And while I might have guessed that night was the beginning of my happily-ever-after, I would not have guessed it would serve as a kind of blueprint for my future. But it was. Just a few short years later, Jimmy and I became the proud owners of that very same house and started tending to a litter of our own (babies, not puppies).

How It All Began In 1978, Jimmy’s parents, Scott and Cheryl Orr, hired Don Schmidt to build their dream house, a red brick Georgian Colonial at the end of a quiet cul-de-sac in west Columbia. The house was well-built and outfitted with all the bells and whistles of age — wood

paneling, shag carpeting, a blue marble bathtub on a raised carpeted platform. The house even had a finished basement with a sauna. They moved in when their boys, Eddie and Jimmy, who were in elementary school and spent many happy years making memories within these walls. But in 2001, Cheryl’s cocker spaniels had continued to proliferate and, with seven of them now occupying the house, the Orrs wanted a place with more land and fewer neighbors. When it came time to sell their house, Scott made this offer to his sons: if either of you are interested in buying this house, we’ll make you a sweetheart of a deal. Eddie and his wife, Dawn, had already settled into another home in the neighborhood, so they passed. Jimmy and I were expecting our first child and decided there’d be no better house to bring him home to.

Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes Scott and Cheryl were clear with us when we bought the house that it had some deferred maintenance. It was 23 years old and starting

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to show its age, inside and out. In the 18 years that we’ve owned the house, we’ve done everything from replacing the roof to upgrading the HVAC to knocking down walls. (Your basic joys of homeownership.) And then there were the aesthetic considerations. While the house was very stylish for its time, blue shag carpeting and harvest gold appliances were not really our taste. We set out to make some cosmetic changes — no big deal, except it’s a little tricky when the stuff you’re changing was hand-picked by your mother-in-law. To her immense credit, Cheryl never said a single negative word or showed a bit of offense when we painted the cabinets she installed, ripped down the draperies she picked out, chipped off the custom tile she ordered, tore out the carpet she selected, painted over the wallpaper she decided on, or replaced the many, many sets of louvered bifold doors she installed. This is where it helps to have an incredibly kind and understanding mother-in-law. In fact, it’s almost a necessity if you’re going to buy her house.

F E B RUA RY/ MA R C H 2 01 9

HOME TOUR

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F E B RUA RY/ MA R C H 2 01 9

HOME TOUR Local Knowledge One of the perks of moving into the house that your husband has lived in basically his entire life is that it gives you some local knowledge. For example, we know that the basement toilet is prone to flooding, so it’s best to go easy on the TP. We know the vent ducts were installed according to code in 1978, which means our clothes often need to be dried twice. And we know that because of the amount of sediment in our pipes, we will never be able to not have a water softener. I also know that I will never, ever allow either of my children to live in the basement bedroom. I made this rule based on stories I heard about when my brother-in-law, Eddie, lived down there as a teenager. The sauna I mentioned before? Let’s just say I heard it wasn’t exactly used as intended by Eddie and his friends. Then there are some smaller, more sentimental bits of local knowledge, like the scrapes on the family room ceiling from when a young Jimmy liked to practice his golf swing indoors. There’s the huge maple tree in the front yard that my mother-in-law planted when it was just a sapling, and there’s the fact that our son Fletcher now occupies the same bedroom his father did when he was his age. But perhaps the most deep-seated legacy of our home does not have to do with trees or nostalgia or even wild teenage sauna parties. It’s a little something I like to refer to as Orr vs. Squirrel. Right about the same time the Orrs moved into this house, a small family of squirrels moved into the attic. And just like the Orrs, the squirrels have made this their generational home. I don’t mind telling you this neighborly relationship has had its challenges. They’ve chewed through our electrical wires, torn up our insulation, gnawed holes in our shingles — they’ve been at it for years. They are the Hatfields to our McCoys. Back in the day, Scott made it his mission to eradicate the little beasts by any means necessary. Neighbors still tell the story of the time he was trying to take out a particularly onerous squirrel with some sort of rifle and ended up shooting

out poor Mrs. Summers’ garage window. When the house changed hands, so too passed the vendetta. I will never forget the time I found Jimmy aiming a BB gun out of our bathroom window, trying to hit one of the little buggers as he was running along our roofline. Fortunately, we’ve since moved on to less violent means of dealing with our unwelcome squatters — though I wouldn’t say we are necessarily winning this fight. I often fall asleep to the pitterpatter of little squirrel claws scrabbling above me in the ceiling.

This Is Us After 18 years, two kids, two dogs, and countless gallons of paint, this house genuinely feels like our home. I love that we are tethered to our family’s history by it, but I also love that bit by bit, room by room, we’ve been able to make it our own. We’ve filled our house with bright colors and bold patterns, crowded bookshelves and homemade artwork, year-round twinkle lights and a lifetime of memories. As you can probably tell from the pictures, we truly live in our house; it is not a showplace. The best decorating advice I ever got was that if you only buy things that you love, you will end up with a cohesive look. I’m not sure anyone would describe our house as “cohesive,” but if nothing else it is certainly a reflection of who we are and what’s important to us. In the end, a house is just four walls and a roof. A home, of course, is much more. Homes are a feeling, an emotional space, the best of which honor the past but look toward the future. That is what our home is. It may not be perfect, but there are so many things I love about it. I love that our children play in the same backyard my husband grew up playing in. I love that I can look out my window and see trees my mother-in-law planted. I love that Jimmy has never changed the address on his driver’s license. But most of all, I love that our home has been a part of our story from the very beginning.

Having friends that become like family is a wonderful thing! And you want them to feel at home â&#x20AC;Ś just like family. Sometimes that takes a little extra effort and we can help you with that. Creating an environment that allows not only the space but the right flow to make your home more conducive the friends and family is our specialty. Often, basements are underutilized space and a well-executed remodel can be a real game changer. Weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve created amazing family-centric for others and can certainly do the same for you. Call us for your consultation today.

Call Cale today to begin your next project. 573.446.2222 | kliethermes.com COMO L I V I N G

F E B RUA RY/ MA R C H 2 01 9

ADVICE FROM THE EXPERTS

Anne Tuckley

ANNE TUCKLEY HOME

Jake Frink

ROST LANDSCAPING

Denise Payne

THE DENISE PAYNE REAL ESTATE TEAM

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Jake Baumgartner BAUMGARTNERâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S FURNITURE

Cale Kliethermes KLIETHERMES HOMES & REMODELING

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A GUIDE TO FERTILIZATION BY JAKE FRINK Find more at rostlandscaping.com

WHY? The main reason to fertilize your plants is to bolster their health so they are better prepared to fight off pests, disease, and environmental stresses. Other positive effects include larger plants with deeper color, more blooms, and maximum fruit production.

WHEN? The ideal time to fertilize trees and shrubs in this climate is from March/April and Septem-

Before fertilization.

After fertilization.

ber. During this time, tree and shrub roots take nutrients from the soil and apply them to functions such as root development and disease resistance rather than simply putting

WHAT?

ANNUALS & PERENNIALS:

TREES & SHRUBS:

Garden Tone (Organic Slow Release With The Perfect Formula To Maximize Vegetable Production)

out new growth. During the growing season,

Fertilome Tree and Shrub Food

fertilizing can help overcome mineral defi-

When? 2x/year; March/April & September

ciencies and fight off infections. If you fertilize

Root Stimulator (Reduces Transplant Shock)

mid to late summer, this can promote weak, new growth that can be easily damaged in the

When? As you plant, to stimulate early root formation

winter. However, for annuals—fertilizer should

Holly Tone (Organic Slow Release)

be applied based on the directions during their

Acid loving plants: Rhododendrons, Evergreens, Magnolias, Hydrangeas When? 2x/year; March & September (½ the amount)

growing season.

WHERE?

Vegetables & Herbs When? Mix into soil prior to planting; First application 7-10 days after plantings; Feed 1x/ month through growing season; Herbs only require once after planting

Osmocote (Slow Release Product Used To Provide Maximum Bloom And Foliage Production)

Indoor/Outdoor Annuals And Container Plants When? 1x/month through growing season

The objective is to put the nutrients where they will best be taken up by the tree’s roots, so it is necessary to fertilize throughout the entire

JAKE FRINK

root system. In general, the roots extend well

ROST LANDSCAPING

beyond the outer reach of a tree’s branches. The fertilizer must also be placed underneath

Jake Frink is a Columbia native who enjoys working and

the roots of any competing plants such as

playing in outdoor spaces. He has a degree in plant science and

grass or other ground cover. Spreading granular

landscape design from MU. With Rost Landscaping for nearly 18

fertilizer on the lawn might make your grass

years, Jake is the Design Manager. His natural talent for creating

greener, but it will likely not help your tree. To

beautiful outdoor spaces gives him a huge sense of satisfaction.

get the fertilizer to the roots of the tree, either

Jake considers himself to be a very lucky husband as well as a

fertilize before it rains or thoroughly water in

lucky dad of three great kids.

the granular fertilizer after you apply it. Avoid putting fertilizer directly on plant stems or on leaves to prevent burning.

573-445-4465

rostlandscaping.com

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ELIMINATE THE BUDGET HURDLE

BY ANNE TUCKLEY Find more at: AnneTuckleyhome.com

2. Business owners are all too familiar with the phrase, “I am very interested, but....” We hear it almost daily, and we are just as guilty of using it ourselves on a regular basis. How does the sentence end? Almost always with, “I don’t have the budget.” This phrase is our way of letting the seller know, we aren’t rejecting you, we are rejecting the cost. Working in an industry that many consider to be a strictly luxury service (I wholeheartedly disagree but will save that argument for another post), I regularly face the budget hurdle particularly when it comes to furniture costs. Furniture is expensive. Whether you buy a rich, wood cabinet or a do-it-yourself, particle board desk, the pocket takes a hit. The following are a few ways to get the new look and furniture you want without sacrificing your paycheck or depending upon a credit program to cover the expense: 1. Create a social media swap group for friends and family. People tend to socialize with people that have a similar sense of style. Support one another’s efforts by swapping your old pieces with

one another. What may not work for you could just be what your friend is wanting. Check out estate sales. Estate sales are a great way to find antique furniture in good condition. Make the rounds at garage sales. Garage sales may not always boast large pieces, but they are great sources to pick up the perfect accent item. Host a refurbish party. Invite friends to bring over a piece that they are tired of,

swap pieces among the group, and spend the afternoon painting, upholstering, or decorating your new piece. Network with your real estate friends. Let them know pieces you are wanting. Many homeowners are looking to sell their furniture. Your real estate friends can let you know of formal and informal sales opportunities.

Happy hunting!

ANNE TUCKLEY

ANNE TUCKLEY HOME

Anne has been in the interior design industry for over 20 years and has resided in many metropolitan cities from NYC to Houston while honing in on her skills. Her specialties are interior design and home staging, with a focus on unique perception. Anne graduated with a BFA in fine art with a concentration in design and illustration. She has extensive experience in designing new construction as well as remodeling and conceptualizing out-of-the-box ideas. She ensures cutting edge design and superb customer service. 108 Corporate Lake Place, Columbia, MO 65203 573-639-1989 | AnneTuckleyhome.com

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DON’T WAIT FOR YOUR HOME UPDATE BY CALE KLIETHERMES Find more at: www.kliethermes.com

BRINGING ADDITIONAL VALUE TO YOUR LIFE AND HOME The warm feeling of a home full of overflowing family and friends is hard to match. However, with extended family crashing on the couch and friends crowded around the kitchen island, rooms start to feel cramped. A home addition is often a natural part of a home’s lifecycle. As we live our lives, our homes naturally accumulate things and friends turning our once comfortable homes into claustrophobic boxes. Not to mention, the natural aging of a home with each passing year. While an addition may sound like additional headaches, even a simple closet expansion can transform an entire space by freeing up forgotten corners from mountains of clothes and gadgets. There are many update options that can increase the value of your home and your everyday life. Bring fun back to your basement with a chic and comfy entertainment area, perfect for game days or Netflix binging. If you have children, a play room will shock you with its toy control capacities. Your bathroom isn’t just a place to clean up in. Add a little luxury to your morning routine with spa shower heads, double sinks or eyecatching tile. The trick of a successful addition or remodel is to make it seem like everything was carefully considered and strategized. Our team is adept in working around every type of home from historic to new developments to ensure a seamless look. We make sure your project will not only be an asset to your family, but an asset when it comes to selling. We find potential in every space. Call Kliethermes Homes & Remodeling at (573) 446-2222 for a free consultation today.

CALE KLIETHERMES

KLIETHERMES HOMES & REMODELING

Cale Kliethermes has learned the construction business from the ground up, working with his father to uphold the 40-year legacy that is Kliethermes Homes & Remodeling. Having been immersed in the industry since his teenage years, Cale possesses decades’ worth of expert knowledge and experience regarding new construction and remodels. Cale studied business administration and finance at Regis University, in Denver, Colorado, and earned his CGR (Certified Graduate Remodeler) designation from the National Association of Home Builders (NAHB). He also served in Iraq with the U.S. Marine Corps, where he built secure housing and observation posts. Cale specializes in leading homeowners through the creative process of designing their ideal home, and he is skilled in determining unique solutions that result in life-changing differences.

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20% DOWN IS 0% TRUE BY DENISE PAYNE Find more at www.denisepayne.com

Recently I received a call from a parent of a local college student who wishes to buy a house. The parent tells me his son doesn’t quite have the 20% deposit thought to be required for such a purchase. After that comment, I immediately realized the parent has not purchased a home in the last decade. I completely understand the parent’s thoughts on needing such a hefty down payment. When I purchased my first home in the 1980s, interest rates were double digits and I had to have 20% down. Fortunately for this parent, I remembered those days and brought him up speed on today’s requirements and the fact his son may qualify for one of the many grant programs that the City of Columbia and state of Missouri offer first time homebuyers. Our government realizes that home ownership helps the economy. If you’ve ever been to a store that sells paint on a Saturday morning, you’ll agree that sales of paint and the necessary equipment help the sales tax of our state and local government. People renting do not typically buy paint for home projects. With that economic stimulus in mind, the people in charge of our governments decided to help lower income buyers with their down payment and closing costs through grants. The grants are not huge but are just enough to get those buyers into a home and out of the rental market. If the buyer is paying $600 in rent they can buy a very nice home without increasing their monthly payment. If a buyer makes too much to qualify for any of the grants they still do not need to have the 20%. They can have as little as 3% but will have to pay PMI (Private Mortgage Insurance) which will increase the monthly payment. That increase in monthly payment may lower their budget for house hunting but at least they would be paying their own mortgage and not their landlord’s.

Before you decide to advise a friend or family member or buy a home for yourself, consult with a professional on all the loan programs available. There are many available and I don’t want you

to spend more money than you have to on your new home. I have names of some stellar loan officers if you need guidance on finding one. Just reach out to me and I’m happy to help.

DENISE PAYNE THE DENISE PAYNE REAL ESTATE TEAM

Denise has been a Realtor since 2004 and achieved the designations of Graduate of REALTOR Institute and Certified Relocation Professional. A Mizzou Alumni, she ensures that she knows all the current options of home financing to help both her sellers and her buyers know all their options. Denise also understands home staging and owns her own staging furniture and accessories to offer her sellers at no additional cost. She’s won many awards including the Centurion Producer and is a regular member of the Weichert President’s Club. She services all of Mid-Missouri by belonging to 3 MLS systems. 3700 Monterey Drive Suite A, Columbia, MO 65203 573-777-7274 | DenisePayne.com

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COMFORT AND STYLE: A PERFECT MATCH

BY JAKE BAUMGARTNER Find more at baumgartners.com

The idea that anyone needs to sacrifice comfort for style or style for comfort is as outdated as carpeted bathrooms. (Need we say more?) At Baumgartner’s Furniture, we have successfully put the style and comfort battle to rest with our expansive La-Z-Boy Gallery and the help of our knowledgeable in-store professionals.

YOU CAN HAVE BOTH! Never sacrifice comfort for style. It’s 2019. We can have the best of both worlds. The comfort classic, La-Z-Boy, has elevated itself to the top of affordable, stylish comfort. There’s no reason to sit in an uncomfortable chair in effort to maintain your living room’s aesthetic ever again. Which, after an exhausting day, is the last chair anyone would want to lounge on.

LITTLE DETAILS. BIG DIFFERENCE. A La-Z-Boy is not lazy! Thoughtful details and styling have elevated their pieces up from the basement to the living room. Small details, such as high legs and rich finishes, have made a La-Z-Boy unrecognizable as a recliner. The high legs allow for a more open feeling in the room. Rich, high quality finishes give a luxe and classic look fit for truly any home. While La-Z-Boy has updated their details,

they did not lose their iconic plush pillows or full leg rest that glides up to allow maximum lounging and comfort. La-Z-Boy DUO groups have even balanced out the sofa style and recliner features while remaining sleek. They claim that stationary style meets power reclining and we agree.

WHO SAYS NEUTRAL IS BORING? When guests visit you don’t have to banish your recliner to the storage room, but rather brag about its comfort and effortless style. On average, a LaZ-Boy lasts over 10 years so you want the piece

to be able to transition from one phase of life to another, making the investment more than worth it. No one wants to part with their favorite chair. The unique neutral hues of La-Z-Boy recliners, couches, and loveseats ensure the seamless transition from space to space. Small additions of pillows or throws will make you think the chair was always meant to be in your home. Baumgartner’s is always excited to find the right piece for you in the most relaxing way. Stop by our one of our two locations and let us show you how you can create your own stylish comfort.

JAKE BAUMGARTNER

BAUMGARTNER’S FURNITURE

Jake essentially grew up in the furniture industry as he is the fourth generation involved in Baumgartner’s Furniture. Working very closely with his father, Alan, Jake has been devoted to the stores full time since 2004. His greatest enjoyment, however, still comes from working closely with the customers. He is married to Sarah and they have two active boys, Noah and Laine. Jake received his degree in finance from Saint Louis University.

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573-256-6288

baumgartners.com

F E B RUA RY/ MA R C H 2 01 9

Auld Lang Syne,

Gatsby Style

Peachtree Catering celebrates a year of Sunday Suppers with flair. By Jessica Vaughn Martin Photos by Matt Boness COMO L I V I N G

F E B RUA RY/ MA R C H 201 9

GOURMET

ively crowds gathered ’round tables to lay down bets on games of craps and roulette. Couples and singles took to the dance floor to sway and spin and sashay. Champagne flowed, glasses of gin clinked, and camera shutters snapped open and closed, capturing the last moments of the old year. And then appeared a giant baked Alaska. This beast — or masterpiece, a more apt moniker — was almost cartoonish in size, with waves of stiff meringue the size of fists. A chef in a catsuit bespeckled with sequins wielded a blowtorch and walked the circumference of the dessert, toasting the meringue to a perfect shade of russet. Then it was set ablaze; a spectacular flambé that stole the show away from the New Year’s

countdown even before it happened. How could it not? I dug in. Spiced rum cake, simple vanilla ice cream, and whipped cream were buried beneath a high hat of meringue. Moments later, a man in a tailcoat exclaimed between bites, raising his fork in the air, “Flavor! This is what we’re after — it’s the flavor!” I nodded, mouth full of baked Alaska, in agreement. It was the flavor. It’s what I’d been waiting for, anticipating for weeks.

The Concept It’s what everyone had been waiting for, what they’d come to expect from the talented culinary team behind Sunday Suppers, Peachtree Catering’s newest event series.

Chefs Benjamin Hamrah and Amanda Elliott serve the baked Alaska.

The brainchild of chefs Benjamin Hamrah and Amanda Elliott, Sunday Suppers commenced in early 2018, beginning as small, intimate dinners held in various locations in the Columbia area. Each event was cloaked in mystery; an emailed invitation sent out weeks in advance, ceding only a few details about the upcoming experience: the time and date (always on a Sunday evening) and maybe a hint about the food. That’s it. With few exceptions, there are 20 tickets available — the first 20 to claim them earn a seat at the table. The mystery has been an integral part of the Sunday Supper experience. “We take all the tiny little aspects of the eating experience pretty seriously, and just kind of the social

psychology behind it is really interesting to us,” Ben says. “How people look at food, how they take it in, how they experience it, what’s going on for them that’s making them think, ‘Oh I like this!’ or ‘Oh, I don’t like this.’ That’s one of the reasons we don’t want them to know menus or the spot — those preconceived notions. We want to take all that out of there.” Those preconceived notions might have kept guests from eating cow tongue, ants, or other unordinary foods served at previous Sunday Suppers, facts Ben revealed only after plates had been licked clean. The surprise factor might make some potential guests nervous. But for Ben, that’s half the joy. “The fun of the Sunday Supper for our followers is that there’s so much left up in the air; they know so little about it,” he says. “It’s fun for us because we don’t have to divulge all of the things we’re doing, so it stays very fluid for us. We get to change things day-of sometimes and the guests don’t know anything about it. It just helps us make it that much better of an experience overall.” Each supper is its own extraordinary experience, calling to diverse cultures, flavors, and eras for inspiration. In February, Sorenson Estate played host to a vintage Mardi Gras masquerade dinner. In the spring, a secluded lakeside home turned into a dining room for Sunday Supper guests, who gazed upon a lightning show from inside a wall of windows and dined on

COMO L I V I N G

“From the food itself to where the food’s coming from to the people in the community that it’s helping to provide for. Those are things that we’re all passionate about and the core of what we base Sunday Suppers around.”

F E B RUA RY/ MA R C H 2 01 9

tender meat that had been slowly cooked over an open fire before the thunderstorm blew in. In November, a whole event was created for a birthday party — still a surprise experience, but tailored specifically to the special guest. The focus has always been the fare, and a major emphasis is placed on sourcing ingredients from local producers. Ben and Amanda have worked with a number of small farmers, including folks from Three Creeks Produce, where one Sunday Supper was held, Sullivan Farms meats, and more. “A big reason for why we’re doing this in particular is to spread awareness about all things involved in the food experience,” Ben says. “From the food itself to where the food’s coming from to the people in the community that it’s helping to provide for. Those are things that we’re all passionate about and the core of what we base Sunday Suppers around. Moving forward, we’re gonna really solidify those things.”

An Extravagant Experience To cap off the year, the team turned to Jay Gatsby, a character who is known for great mystery himself in F. Scott Fitzgerald’s classic novel, for inspiration. And Jay would have raised a glass. The night was lapped in luxury. Translucent fabric was draped down from the ceiling, lavender luminescent lights lit up the ballroom, and voluminous plumes fluttered inside vases. Guests arrived in black tie attire, and this time, there was no limit on attendees. Invitees had one of two ticket options: the Sunday Supper experience, which included unlimited food, access to an open champagne bar, and a full cash bar, along with the promise of a night filled with surprises. The full package, “The Way Gatsby Intended,” was a step up from the base ticket. Attendees were chauffeured in a private SUV and gained access to a secluded VIP area complete with a cigar bar and an open selection of top-shelf wine and spirits. Guests were greeted with a glass of fine sparkling wine and a ticket to cash in for betting chips as they entered through the

doors of Peachtree’s banquet hall. A live jazz band serenaded the guests, giving way to a DJ as dancing began. No small detail was disregarded; bathroom attendants handed out small vials of specialty curated perfumes from Makes Scents. Amanda and local chef Shelly La Fata went table to table, spooning caviar onto plates. A tiered tower of fresh shellfish and seafood awaited, from which we filled our plates throughout the evening. Three varieties of oysters (two from the west coast, one from the east), smoked salmon, crab legs, and bites of lobster were among the iced delicacies. Across the room, landlocked favorites of leg of lamb and the most tender, flavorful beef wellington were sliced and served. Pâté and other charcuterie were spread amongst warm rolls and house-made crackers. The best bites were in the details: a lightly fried ricotta

gnudi the size of a silver dollar capped with thin slivers of shaved white truffle topped my list of favorites. As quickly as the sun set that evening, the stroke of midnight arose, cueing an explosion of silver streamers, which were released from cannons with such force that several panels of translucent fabric came floating down from the ceiling. We shared a toast to the New Year together, raising our glasses and exchanging embraces. As the night came to a close, guests plucked single plumes from centerpieces and floated to the dance floor, where they swayed together still draped in streamers, feathers in hand, into the wee hours of the new year. To receive Sunday Supper notifications, sign up for emails from Peachtree Catering at peachtreebanquet.com.

FA S H I O N

Pinkies Up

The Cascades Cocktail Club gathers for tea and lighthearted fun — with a splash of champagne. by T I F FA N Y S C H M I D T s t y led by A D O N I C A C O L E M A N, A2D EVENTS c lot h i n g c o u r te s y of M Y S I S T E R’ S C I R C U S A N D K E L LY F I E L D S B O U T I Q U E ph otos by K E I T H B O R G M E Y E R

mused by their experience (and eventual eviction) at a local wine club meeting gone awry, Adonica Coleman, Stephanie Scott, and friends began holding their own monthly get-together. Since no one in the group was especially enthusiastic about wine, they began serving cocktails instead: Whoever was hosting for the night would dream up a signature cocktail to serve to the other attendees. And from there, the Cascades Cocktail Club was born. The first signature cocktail was Stephanie’s Flirtini, a simple recipe made from pineapple juice, vodka, and champagne. The women still fondly reflect on that first meeting and how a few of the friends were personally victimized by the drink. Monthly meetings gave way to late nights, sleepovers, and weekend getaways at the lake. One Thanksgiving, the women even ended up helping Adonica prepare dinner for her family. Though some of the members have moved and schedules have become more hectic, the ladies of C3 still find time to get together as much as possible. To celebrate their 10 years of friendship, COMO Living and A2D Events threw an afternoon tea party at Plume. Of course, no meeting of C3 would be complete without champagne and a signature cocktail. Today’s treat: hot tea toddys!

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F E B RUA RY/ MA R C H 201 9

The C3 ladies toast to 10 fruitful years of friendship.

The group’s choice cocktail for the afternoon was a classic Earl Grey tea with a splash of Amaretto.

Lori Hord

“We always have such a great time when we're together — we share, we laugh, and are there for each other.” Lori’s simple but trendy style was accentuated by her snakeskin print tunic, Kendra Scott necklaces, and Kendra Scott earrings, all from Kelly Fields Boutique.

FA S H I O N

Carey Hughes

“The first night I went to the party not even knowing the host. Everyone was so friendly and welcoming and I felt at home. These were my girls!” Carey’s fringe sweater and earrings from Kelly Fields Boutique are a fun fit for any party.

Suzet te Bacon

“For many years I didn’t partake in alcohol, and I never felt left out!” Suzette is dressed in a white blouse with lace detail from My Sister’s Circus.

FA S H I O N

Andrea Donner “I would say I’m more casual and more traditional in my style.”

This heather gray wrap dress accessorized with Kendra Scott earrings from Kelly Fields Boutique is the perfect fit for Andrea’s laid-back style.

S tephanie Scott

Stephanie, the group’s founder, describes her personal style as “casual, barefoot, and go with the flow.” Stephanie’s wide-sleeved maroon blouse from My Sister’s Circus is a great fit for her preferred look.

Kara Linnemeyer

“There were so many fun nights with great drinks, snacks, belly laughs, and dependable, kind, beautiful friends.” Kara’s crimson, cold-shouldered blouse is courtesy of My Sister’s Circus.

Adonica Coleman

“My style is fairly trendy. I like big earrings and bold colors.” Adonica’s navy tunic from My Sister’s Circus and silver Kendra Scott earrings from Kelly Fields Boutique reflect her modern style.

COMO L I V I N G

F E B RUA RY/ MA R C H 2 01 9

The Galatta Family

COMO L I V I N G

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F amily Th re e Col u mbia famil ies defin ed by l ove.

By Katie Perry Harris P h otos by Keith Borg meyer

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The first same-sex couple in their county to adopt two young boys. A single dad balancing work with raising two young daughters. Three generations under one roof sharing stories of their heritage. Meet three families who call Columbia home and prove that, however you define it, family means unconditional love and support.

EVERY CHILD DESERVES TWO PARENTS

ebecca McCorkle and Ashley Byrd met in their native South Carolina through the music scene in 2001. “We stayed up late one night talking about politics, religion, and babies,” Rebecca says, “and we’ve been together ever since.” The couple knew they wanted to become parents. Growing their family through adoption came naturally, as both had prior experiences with adoption — Rebecca’s sister and Ashley’s mother were both adopted. Rebecca was working as a medical social worker when a friend who worked for the South Carolina Department of Social Services contacted her. “I can help your family be the perfect family,” Rebecca remembers her saying. It was Ashley who first got the call that they had two brothers, 2 and 3 years old, available for adoption. “Once we saw their pictures, there was no question whatsoever,” Ashley recalls. “You could tell they had personality — big time.” Trey came to them first from foster care, and then his older brother, Marion, arrived a few weeks later. “It’s the best thing we’ve done,” says Ashley. Rebecca and Ashley raised the boys for about a year before the adoption was finalized in 2011; because of the law at the time, only Ashley applied as the adoptive parent. Friends and family members overflowed into the jury box the day the adoption was to be finalized in court. As they tell the story, it’s impossible not to get teary-eyed over a scene that sounds straight from a movie: after asking Rebecca if she also intended to raise the children as her own, the judge talked about handling hard things all day long, and that this was the only good thing she’d do that day.

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“Every child deserves two parents, and if there are two parents that want to love two children, then they should be given the opportunity,” the judge declared. “Somebody get me the paperwork and let’s make this happen.” Cue the cinematic scene: The bailiff was crying, and Rebecca’s father slapped him on the shoulders in pure joy. It was a quite a celebration, complete with photos of the boys sitting on the judge’s lap. “We were the first gay couple to jointly adopt in our county in South Carolina,” says Ashley. “We did it quietly so things could keep moving. It set a precedent that you can’t return from.” The family moved to Columbia in 2014, when Ashley accepted a new role with Learfield Communications. They were deciding between living in Jefferson City or Columbia and were told that “Columbia will welcome you with open arms. You can’t go wrong anywhere you live or with any school you attend,” says Rebecca. Today, Rebecca works as a parent educator with Parents as Teachers. The boys attend the Waldorf City Garden School, where they enjoy the school’s integration into downtown Columbia and into nature. Marion, 11, swims with the Columbia Swim Club and plays the bass guitar. Trey, 10, keeps busy with basketball and tennis and takes drum lessons. “We’re just a regular family,” says Marion. “We’re wacky, loving, really caring — and pretty awesome.” “We worry like every parent worries,” Ashley adds. Parental worries aside, “we feel like we’re exactly in the place where we’re supposed to be — with a wonderful church family, school family, and neighborhood family.”

WE FEEL LIKE WE’RE EXACTLY IN THE PLACE WHERE WE’RE SUPPOSED TO BE — WITH A WONDERFUL CHURCH FAMILY, SCHOOL FAMILY, AND NEIGHBORHOOD FAMILY.” — ASHLEY BYRD COMO L I V I N G

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M O D E R N F A M I LY

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UNICORNS, MERMAIDS, AND SUSHI WITH DAD

osh Reichlin spends a lot of time surrounded by unicorns and mermaids, and he wouldn’t have it any other way. Josh, a client advisor at BMW of Columbia, is a single dad to Ava, 6, and Sophia, 8. The girls are in first and third grade in Columbia. “I’ve taught the girls to love sushi,” he says proudly, but later jokingly admits he may regret this after a large sushi bill at a local restaurant celebrating his daughter’s birthday. The family enjoys Friday night pizza and movie nights. Sophia takes piano lessons and is a budding artist, and both girls will soon start horseback riding lessons. They also like to travel together, particularly to warmer climates, and recently enjoyed a trip to San Diego over Thanksgiving. As a single dad who works more than 50 hours a week, Josh sometimes has to be three different places at once while trying to continue to be successful in the workplace. A Columbia native, Josh gets help from family in town. The girls’ grandmother provides afterschool care while Josh works. He also realizes, of course, that he’s not a mom. “I think the girls know that I don’t have the motherly instinct, but they’ve got three grandmas that are all local and four aunts,” he says, “so they get a lot of positive female influences from extended family.” Josh hopes the girls grow up learning about all different types of families. He tells them that “nowadays there are so many different families, and you have a lot of people around who love you. Some have mom only, some have dad only, some have mom and dad, some have mom and mom, and I hope that the diverse associations they have with people they know and interact with will teach them to be open-minded and respectful.” The challenge is more in the day-to-day routine — and the technology woes that all parents deal with. “If only I could keep them off their iPads as much as possible,” Josh says.

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“I THINK THE GIRLS KNOW THAT I DON’T HAVE THE MOTHERLY INSTINCT, BUT THEY’VE GOT THREE GRANDMAS THAT ARE ALL LOCAL.” — JOSH REICHLIN -

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THREE GENERATIONS OF FAITH AND LOVE

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or two years of our lives, we intersected but we never met,” says Sarah Galatta of her husband, Aboma. They attended the same church for years, but didn’t meet until 2007, when both began volunteering for a children’s tutoring program. “He was really good with the kids, and that drew my eye a lot,” says Sarah. Sarah grew up in Harrisonville, Missouri, and came to Columbia to study child life development at MU. Aboma’s family came to the U.S. from Ethiopia in 1979 seeking political asylum, and he grew up in Columbia, graduating from Hickman High School and MU with a degree in religious

studies. Married since 2008, with children Mayah, 9, and Corban, 8, the family recently welcomed Aboma’s parents to live with them here in Columbia. “I wholeheartedly believe my parents wanted to go back to Ethiopia, but our country is not stable enough for them to return permanently,” Aboma says. “Living with us opens up opportunities for them to travel and go back as much as they can before they can’t travel anymore.” In fact, his parents are planning a trip to Ethiopia for several months next year. Sarah’s two sets of grandparents lived a mile away from her childhood home. Having her in-

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laws move in also meant that her own children would experience knowing their roots and history. With three generations now under one roof, the children learn new things from their grandparents every day, and the whole family reconnects over shared stories and memories. “I didn’t grow up knowing my grandparents,” Aboma says. “Our kids get to know their grandparents and their quirks and know that out of that comes love. That’s the greatest part of all this.” Mayah and Corban love Ethiopian food — something Aboma admits he pushed away as a kid before returning to as an adult — and love

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hearing the family histories their dad has never heard himself. “They really get to know their roots and openly say ‘I want to visit Ethiopia and see what it’s like there,’” he says. The family is making plans to travel there someday. Sarah home schools Mayah and Corban and enjoys seeing the new things they’re excited to learn. “One cool thing that’s come out of this,” Sarah says, “is that [Aboma’s] parents are teaching the kids the native Oromo language. They’ve learned, through his parents being here, simple things like ‘I love you’ or ‘thank you’ in the language.” Teaching their children their family histories and roots is clearly important to the Galatta family, as is their faith. “God and faith are big to us,” Aboma says. “We know it’s our mandate to take care of our parents, and we try to serve that mandate the best way possible and adapt it to this generation of how we could do it.” As they look forward, the Galatta family would like to someday remodel their home to give the grandparents more of their own space. “We want them to be comfortable where they are and be happy,” Aboma says. “The picture we paint is that family is important to us. It’s one big relationship.”

“OUR KIDS GET TO KNOW THEIR GRANDPARENTS AND THEIR QUIRKS AND KNOW THAT OUT OF THAT COMES LOVE. THAT’S THE GREATEST PART OF ALL THIS.” — ABOMA GALATTA

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Speaking from the

Heart Pediatric cancer survivor Zoe Wagner becomes a voice for the voiceless. by M A R C U S W I L K I N S ph otos by K E I T H B O R G M E Y E R

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s a toddler, Zoe Wagner had no problem with the English language. She talked “early and often,” according to her parents. She even went through a stream-of-consciousness phase while discovering sentence structure, periodically erupting into cute, spontaneous monologues. “She would speak practically every thought that entered her mind,” says her mother, Amy Enderle. “You could almost see the little synapses firing. Someone would say, ‘Look at that pretty sky,’ and she would say, ‘Sky is blue. Dad’s car is blue. Blue car in shop. Maybe blue car needs new car.’” But as naturally as speech came to young Zoe, it would take an acute myeloid leukemia (AML) diagnosis more than a decade later, six months of chemotherapy, and a triumphant recovery before she truly found her voice. Now a sophomore political science major at MU and five years cancer free, Zoe is an inspiration for childhood cancer patients and a fierce advocate for research funding. “When I first got sick, I kept wondering, ‘Why did this happen to me?’ Zoe says. “Now I’m just grateful for the medicine that saved me.”

STRANGE RED DOTS For Zoe, the term “circle of friends” might be geometrically limiting; “social sphere” is probably more accurate. As a student at Grant Elementary School, she befriended a diverse cohort of classmates, many of whom were children of international researchers and faculty at Columbia’s colleges. In junior high, Zoe and best friend, Gracie Hollrah, were charter members of “lunch bunch,” a group of tight-knit friends who shared snacks every other Friday. “Zoe will always speak her mind no matter what,” says Gracie, who was also Zoe’s roommate during their first year at MU. “Because of her strong personality, she’s always there for her friends.” Zoe would often invite a buddy to tag along on family functions, such as her brother Tycho’s April 2014 soccer tournament in Springfield. It was there that she first noticed tiny red dots around her ankles. The dots, she would come to find out, are known as petechiae, and they indicate collapsed blood vessels due to a platelet deficiency.

“They didn’t hurt. They just looked strange,” Zoe says. “I showed my mom and she said, ‘We’ve been in the grass all weekend and you might have a rash. Or maybe it’s from the detergent at the hotel.’” Zoe wasn’t panicked, but other ailments like severe headaches, extreme fatigue, and deep bruises from mild bumps, combined with the “rash,” ultimately led the family to the doctor’s office for blood tests. Later that same night, Amy took the life-changing phone call. “They said, ‘We need you to go straight to MU Women’s and Children’s Hospital where the pediatric oncologist is awaiting your arrival.’” Amy says. “So then it became real.” Zoe was diagnosed with acute myeloid leukemia, or AML, one of the two most common leukemias (the other being the more treatable acute lymphocytic leukemia, or ALL). AML is a blood cancer that begins in the bone marrow and attacks blood cell production. For a 14-year-old girl with Zoe’s genetic profile undergoing aggressive chemotherapy, the five-year survival rate was about 29 percent. “The nature of her illness was such that once they had the diagnosis, they had to begin treatment immediately,” says Paul Wagner, Zoe’s father. “My nature is to be logical and deliberate and to try to think things through. But emotions are overwhelming, and you’re getting a torrent of information.” Zoe’s parents, who divorced in 2012, signed off on the treatment. Although the teenager understood the gravity of her situation, she was still concerned with teenage things, such as attending Gracie’s sleepover birthday party that Saturday. Despite the fact that Zoe felt great at the moment, thanks to blood transfusions, the doctors said no. A heartbroken Zoe delivered all the bad news on her best friend’s voicemail. “You never think you’re going to hear that one your friends has cancer. So we decided to take the party to her,” says Gracie, who brought posters, party favors, and friends to the hospital. “We would just bring her as much stuff as we could (during treatment) so she didn’t feel alone all the time.” In that spirit, Paul would sleep in Zoe’s hospital room when the chemo side effects were at their worst — or when she just needed her dad. At 6 feet, 7 inches, folding himself into a tiny hospital cot wasn’t the most comfortable proposition for Paul. But the experience solidified a tight father–daughter bond that is still strong today.

“When I first got sick, I kept wondering, ‘Why did this happen to me?’ Zoe says. “Now I’m just grateful for the medicine that saved me.” COMO L I V I N G

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Paul Wagner, Amy Enderle, and Zoe Wagner COMO L I V I N G

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“Zoe really understood that, for as unfortunate as she was, she was more fortunate than a lot of others in the hospital,” Paul says. “There were children whose parents couldn’t be there, and those who had to spend extended periods of time away from their families. Even though these were terrible circumstances, there were always others who had it worse. It really put a fire in her belly to help other kids.”

NO DRY EYES Zoe’s final chemotherapy treatment coursed through her veins on August 19, 2014. Although she wasn’t declared cancer free until that October, she considers it her victory date. Almost immediately, she felt compelled to act. Through her constant research and activity on social media, she discovered “The Truth 365,” a documentary film and social media campaign in support of children fighting cancer. The producers told her story, and St. Baldrick’s Foundation, a childhood cancer organization dedicated specifically to research funding, soon followed suit. The experience set Zoe on a path of activism. She met new friends and fellow cancer survivors across the U.S., sat for an interview with local radio host Tom Bradley, and traveled to Washington, D.C., for the annual cancer event CureFest. It was there that she met the Santhuff family, from Fulton, Missouri, whose son, Sam, died at age 6 from a rare form of muscle cancer. Zoe agreed to speak at the fundraising gala for the Super Sam Foundation, the Santhuff’s nonprofit dedicated to fulfilling Sam’s wish to “help all the kids.” “Seeing her speak in front of 300 people, there wasn’t a dry eye in the house,” says Amy, herself tearing up. “She is articulate in a way that no one will ever be able to touch. I don’t know whether that turns into a career, but boy has it been a gift that she has put into good use.” Zoe’s story also prompted the Make-A-Wish Foundation to send her, Amy, and Paul to the headquarters of Harper’s Bazaar in New York. Zoe modeled top designer fashions in a whirlwind, spare-no-expense photo shoot where she was pampered by international makeup artists, photographers, and fashion editors.

“The hair stylist had done Nicki Minaj’s hair for a music video the week before, and he does Kim Kardashian’s hair for award shows,” says Zoe, beaming. “But it was also cool because, with my parents being divorced, when else am I going to get to go on vacation with just them and me?” Now, with more than 20 speaking engagements under her belt, Zoe’s voice is clearer and more confident than ever. She stays active with her sorority, Delta Delta Delta, and its charity of choice, St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital. She has met hundreds of other survivors, patients, and

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parents. As she looks forward to graduating — and possibly law school — she vows to incorporate cancer research advocacy into her career. “The National Cancer Institute only allocates four percent of its budget to childhood cancers, and the small charities have to pick up the slack,” Zoe says. “I have a new appreciation for research, researchers, and the people trying to get clinical trials through. I have a better understanding of philanthropy.” Additional photos of Zoe's journey at comolivingmag.com.

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VISIT OUR W S

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to have and to hold

Ke i t h a n d Pol l y Rey n ol ds sh are an everl astin g bon d. by J E N N I F E R T R U E S DA L E | ph otos by K E I T H B O R G M E Y E R

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T R A N S F O R M AT I O N S

olly Reynolds met Keith when she was 14 years old. He was a friend of her brother Mike’s and a freshman in college. Polly remembers having a big crush on Keith, and with her parents’ permission, he agreed to take her on a date as a favor to Mike. Despite the age difference, the attraction between the two was immediate; they continued to date, though Keith jokingly kept asking Mike if the favor was over yet. “Keith was seriously my life,” Polly says. “Anyone who knew us knew how special our relationship was.” The Illinois natives married in 1983, when Polly was 19 and Keith was 23. They moved to Evansville, Indiana, where they lived for 24 years before moving to Columbia in 2007. While in Indiana, they raised their children, Jacey, now 34, and Kyle, now 31. A job opportunity for Keith as a senior systems programmer with Shelter Insurance brought them to COMO L I V I N G

Columbia. Polly became a vice president and trust officer for Landmark Bank before joining The Trust Company in 2012, where she works in wealth management, trust, estate and financial planning. “Now that I’ve lost him, I’m glad I was able to start dating him so soon,” Polly says. Now 55, Polly looks back at her nearly 35 years of marriage to Keith with both love and sorrow. She remembers his sense of humor, his love of chocolate and ice cream, his loving devotion as both a father and husband. He was also the ultimate romantic. “He would hide Hershey’s Kisses in my underwear drawer and jewelry box. He knew I loved Cadbury eggs and hid them all around the house for me at Easter,” Polly remembers. “Once he hid 48 Post-It notes all over the house for me to find. It took me a year and a half to find them all. Each was numbered with a reason why he loved me.” F E B RUA RY/ MA R C H 201 9

in sickness and health

Polly will never forget the Saturday in January 2018 when she and Keith were running their usual errands, which were made special by shopping for a bicycle for their grandson, who was turning 4 in February. When Keith loaded the bike into the car, however, he found himself winded. He thought he had been battling a chest cold and had been prescribed a 10day course of antibiotics, but he wasn’t improving. Thinking it might be pneumonia, Polly urged Keith to return to the doctor Monday morning, which led to X-rays and scans and, finally, a trip to the hospital. The doctors at the hospital found a large mass in Keith’s lung that was pressing against his heart. He wasn’t getting enough oxygen into his bloodstream, and suddenly, one of his lungs collapsed. The doctors were able to intubate him and rush him to the intensive care unit, where he was given sedatives and paralytics to keep his body from convulsing against the tube in his lung that was helping him to breathe. Before Keith lost consciousness, Polly remembers telling him they would get through this and that she loved him. It would be the last time she would ever speak to her husband. Never a smoker and committed to a healthy lifestyle, Keith was diagnosed with a non-small squamous cell carcinoma in his lung. While radiation might have helped to shrink the tumor, he could not undergo the treatment while on the ventilator that was keeping him alive. Nothing could be done. The doctors asked if Polly wanted them to revive him so she could say goodbye, but she thought it cruel to put him through the physical and emotional pain. Polly made the decision to remove Keith’s life support on the evening of January 31. She, Jacey, Kyle, and Kyle’s wife, Amanda, held vigil next to Keith’s bed all night. “I just held his hand and told him what the doctor had said and what we should do,” Polly says. “I told him that I wanted to see his eyes, to see him smile again, but I couldn’t do that to him. His dad died 22 years ago, and I told him he needed to go see his dad.” The morning of February 1, just two days after being admitted to the hospital, Keith died at the age of 58. The family was devastated. The husband and father had seemed fine just days before, and now he was gone. He left behind a family whose lives and hopes for the future had been shattered forever.

“KEITH WOULD HIDE HERSHEY’S KISSES IN MY UNDERWEAR DRAWER AND JEWELRY BOX. HE KNEW I LOVED CADBURY EGGS AND HID THEM ALL AROUND THE HOUSE FOR ME AT EASTER.”

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‘til death do us part

Faith has been a driving force in Polly’s life since she was 12, and Keith’s faith was equally strong. Polly’s relationship with God is helping her to overcome her grief in the year since Keith died. But Polly admits that her commitment to God is like any other longterm relationship: It has its ups and downs. “I was never angrier [with God] than the week of Keith’s birthday in July,” Polly says. “But I can’t be mad at God, because without Jesus dying on the cross, I wouldn’t be able to spend eternity with Keith. And I can’t be mad at Keith, because he would have never chosen to leave me.” A year after his death, life without Keith is still incomprehensible to Polly, who thought the two had many years of health and happiness ahead of them, including big plans for retirement. “Keith wanted to retire in 2021,” she says. “We already had purchased land in Indiana for our dream retirement home. I just feel lost. This wasn’t supposed to be my life right now.” Polly says her loneliness without Keith is crushing, and that she can’t imagine life with anyone else but him. She still feels married to Keith, and worries about keeping his memory alive in the years to come. She has made aprons and pillows out of his shirts, and all of his belongings are precisely where he left them, right down to his bar of soap in the shower. Polly’s sorrow six months after Keith’s death seemed as fresh and as devastating as the day he died. Now that it’s been a year since losing him, Polly is finding a purpose for her grief.

from this day forward

Polly finds comfort holding the last shirt Keith wore.

“I’ve learned a lot about how to help people who are going through this,” Polly says. “I know what not to say. When you tell somebody about your loss, the first thing they do is tell you about someone they lost as a way to relate. And then you end up

saying things to make them feel better.” Though she’s read many books about grief and attended a support group for a while, Polly has struggled to find an approach to grief that resonates with her. She suspects other widows are experiencing the same trouble. Shortly after Keith’s death, Polly felt that God was preparing her for something, but she wasn’t sure what it was at the time. Now she believes it was to help others heal from the loss of a loved one. In 2019, she hopes to start her own support group for clients who are widows. “I want it to be something they can come to and feel comfortable to cry, to feel encouraged, and to be prayed for,” Polly says. “I think God will use my pain to heal others.” Polly wants the support group to provide a relaxed environment in which women can just hang out and mourn their losses together or dive into constructive conversation — whatever feels most helpful at the time. “I want people to know that it’s OK to not be OK for a while,” she says. “If you don’t grieve now, you’re going to feel it eventually.” Despite her grief, Polly’s strength, resilience, and faith in God shine through her tears. No one can ever replace Keith, but Polly is comforted by knowing she will see him again someday. “Keith always told me I was the strongest woman he knew. And I always told him that was because of him,” she says. “He seriously was my best friend, and I don’t want people to pity me, because I lived the greatest love story for nearly 40 years,” Polly says. “I know I’m going to be OK. I just keep telling myself that.

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Live HEALTHY We’re making our way through winter, and if you’re thinking about traveling to warmer climates or are needing more convenient care for seasonal sicknesses, you’re not alone. The experts at MU Health Care have you covered with health tips and advice for navigating allergens, international travel precautions and diﬀerent online options for your health.

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Traveling Abroad? Make Sure You’re Protected. Whether you’ve got a serious case of wanderlust or you’re traveling on a mission or work trip, it’s important to take steps to protect your health.

Staffed by board-certified experts in infectious diseases, MU Health Care’s Travel Clinic offers up-to-date information on the immunizations and medications recommended for whichever part of the world you’ll be visiting, including alerts issued by international governmental agencies such as the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, and the World Health Organization. The clinic works with individuals of all ages regarding their travel needs, including:

Example Travel Scenario

Treatment Plans

A middle-aged adult who is up-to-date on routine vaccinations is planning a round trip to India from the United States. The two-week trip itinerary includes hiking and visiting touristic sites in multiple cities.

A preventive treatment plan will be created based on your current health status, travel itinerary and the activities you’ve scheduled while abroad. It includes:

Here is an abridged version of what this traveler might see in their treatment plan:

• Travel for international adoption

• Mission trips

• Business

• School trips

• Leisure

HEALTH CONCERNS: Avian influenza, dengue, West Nile virus, Zika

A thorough risk assessment Routine and travel-specific vaccines as needed

REQUIRED VACCINATIONS: None

Prescriptions for necessary travel medications

RECOMMENDED VACCINATIONS: Hepatitis A, typhoid fever, influenza (if going June-September)

Food and water precautions Insect precautions Educational guidance

To learn more, visit muhealth.org/travel-medicine. To schedule an appointment, call (573) 882-8788.

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VACCINES TO CONSIDER: Rabies due to significant risk from dogs and bats throughout the country, Japanese encephalitis due to extensive outdoor exposure planned

Live HEALTHY

SPONSORED CONTENT

Save Time with MU Health Care’s Online Options MU Health Care knows you’re busy, which is why we offer convenient online services to save you time.

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SPONSORED CONTENT

Video Visits WHAT ARE THEY? You can see a provider any time from your smartphone, tablet or computer. Participating doctors are board-certified and can treat common ailments for as low as $49 per visit.

HOW DO I USE IT? Visit muhealth.org/video-visits to sign up.

Online Account WHAT IS IT? You can securely view your records, manage your appointments, send messages to your medical team and request prescription renewals by logging in to your patient account.

HOW DO I USE IT? Visit muhealth.org/patient-login or download the MU Health Care app and sign up for an account. You can also request access to your child or loved one’s information if you are a parent or caregiver.

Save Your Spot at Mizzou Quick Care WHAT IS IT? You can see the expected wait times at each of MU Health Care’s Quick Care locations at Hy-Vee grocery stores and save your spot in line.

HOW DO I USE IT? Visit muhealth.org/quick-care and pick the most convenient location. The clinics are open on weekdays from 7 a.m. to 7 p.m. and weekends from 8 a.m. to 4 p.m. Most visits are $89.

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It’s playtime! We have puzzles, games, toys and more for everyone. Visit our locally owned store and experience carefully curated toys for 0-100. Eco - fr ien d ly | Fa m i ly ce nt r i c | En g a g i n g

And just plain fun!

Come play in Alley A! We’re open 7 days a week. 906 Alley A • Columbia 573-441-0083 • speckledfrogtoys.com

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SEASONS

HOME IS WHERE MOM IS Embracing the season of the empty nest. by B E T H B R A M S T E D T

t’s Christmas morning and the house is still. A gray, gloomy sky stretches beyond the window. The refrigerator hums in the background and the only glow shines from a single strand of twinkle lights strung across the mantel. There is no tree towering over the living room or stockings hung up on the chimney with care. The walls are bare and the furniture temporary. I walk into the kitchen to brew a cup of breakfast tea, and I'm prepared to settle into a chair and spend some time journaling. As I gaze around the room, my physical surroundings echo what my heart has felt for months: It’s a season of change. Our nest is now empty. The house our boys grew up in, the one full of memories of Nerf gun wars, pasta parties, and sleepovers with friends, now feels cavernous and deserted. The brightlypainted walls have been covered in a neutral gray, our treasures boxed up as we prepare to start a new chapter. The bedrooms are impersonal and the closets uncluttered, with only the necessities lining the drawers and shelves. As one season ends, a new one begins. I snuggle in as the warmth of the fireplace envelops the room. The soft buzz of my husband’s breathing echoes from the next room. My mind drifts back in time to the days that began with a giggling, smiling toddler jumping in our bed at 6 a.m. declaring it was time for us to wake up. Or the first morning he opted to get his own Pop-Tarts from the pantry, turn on the TV, and watch cartoons without needing help. I wonder at the secrets this house could share about the mischievous times the two brothers shared when we were away — frozen soda cans thrown at the concrete retaining wall and homemade scooters

AS I GAZE AROUND THE ROOM, MY SURROUNDINGS ECHO WHAT MY HEART HAS FELT FOR MONTHS: IT’S A SEASON OF CHANGE. OUR NEST IS NOW EMPTY. involving spare wheels, old shelving brackets, and power tools. And at least one trip to the ER. Yet those times aren’t gone, and the memories aren’t lost. The new ones just feel different. Within a few hours, those same boys, now grown and living on their own, will come sauntering through the front door, yawning and hoping for breakfast. Their tall frames will fill the stools at the kitchen

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bar, and their conversations will be more grown-up — with talk of work, classes, roommates, and dreams. Their laughter will still fill the air as they tell jokes and swap stories about the latest Pokémon game or Marvel movie. And within a few months, we will settle into a new house. One that’s smaller and closer to work. Our new kitchen will still be the gathering place for family dinners. And on weekends, our oldest will still show up to do his laundry. Some things may never change. So, despite my quiet surroundings, my heart and home are full. This I know. But just in case my boys could use a reminder, I have tucked one deep inside their stockings. There, a red wooden ornament simply reads, “Home is where mom is.”

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Pet owners trust us to provide a better experience for their cats and dogs ... Whether it’s grooming, boarding or both! Our experienced, conscientious staff is devoted to superior care for your pet. Come see for yourself.

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UNLEASHED

THE LANGUAGE OF FRIENDSHIP Lydia Olmst e d a n d h e r h orse , G ha z i , s ha re a n e n e rge ti c co n n e cti o n . by M A RY K AT E H A F N E R | ph o to s c o u r tesy of A N A S TA S I A P O T T I N G E R

hen Lydia Olmsted talks about her horse, Ghazi, she’s talking about a close friend with whom she shares an energetic connection. “It’s a feeling — it’s hard to put into words,” Lydia says. “[Through] his breath and how he nuzzles me, I can usually tell how he feels.” Lydia was born blind, and at 3 years old, she was enrolled at Cedar Creek Therapeutic Riding Center to strengthen her posture and muscle tone. Before that, her blindness inhibited her physical development. The repetitive motion of a horse’s walk helps improve balance, coordination, strength, and muscle tone as it gently mobilizes the joints. Additionally, the bond formed between rider and horse can foster social skills. Lydia quickly made muscular improvements and honed her mental concentration. Now 17, Lydia has bonded with a 25-year-old Arabian horse named Darghazi, or Ghazi for short. Like many of the horses at Cedar Creek, Ghazi was a competitive horse before being donated to the center. Older, trained horses tend to perform better for therapeutic practices since they are often calmer and more patient towards their riders. “When I first met him, he was really slow. I think he was unsure about me and wanted to see how I would react and see my riding skills,” says Lydia. However, after about seven years of riding, the two are inseparable. COMO L I V I N G

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UNLEASHED “He gives me really good hugs after a tough day at school. It’s something I really love. He can read my energy, and I can usually tell how he’s doing, too. We’re that close,” says Lydia. “When one of us is having an off day, we can tell and sort of cover for each other.” Lydia is now used to answering questions about her riding skills. “It’s so funny telling people how I ride,” says Lydia, “They’ll ask ‘How do you do that? How do you ride all on your own? How do you know where you are?’” Lydia is able to ride her horse solo through a method she calls, “Operation: Silent Speak.” While riding, Lydia is communicated to via earpiece by a volunteer in the middle of the arena or pasture. The volunteer will give directions to turn left or right, but a lot of trust is given to the horse. “[Ghazi] understands I can’t see. There’s been times he will lend me his shoulder, to guide me around the arena,” says Lydia. “Riding gives me a sense of freedom because it’s something I can do independently.”

“RIDING GIVES ME A SENSE OF FREEDOM BECAUSE IT’S SOMETHING I CAN DO INDEPENDENTLY.” Ghazi has pushed Lydia to improve her riding and compete herself. In 2017, Lydia participated in the American Royal, a national horse show in Kansas City. At the show, Lydia amazed audiences by landing in the final round. Outside of her regular sessions, Lydia visits to indulge Ghazi in one of her other hobbies: baking. She brings him horse-friendly treats, making Ghazi the most spoiled horse at Cedar Creek. In return, Ghazi messages Lydia’s back with his nose or nuzzles into her ear. “I think a lot of people would be surprised how good a horse could be for you,” says Lydia. Since working with Ghazi, Lydia’s confidence has grown, helping her daily communication at school and with other people. Her confidence has propelled her into other sports, such as baseball and swimming. “School is kind of tough because sometimes equipment doesn’t work, and teachers aren’t sure the best way to work with me. But thinking about Ghazi gives me a positive outlook on life and a positive attitude in that situation,” says Lydia. “We could use more Ghazis in the world.” COMO L I V I N G

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3 Women’s Health Issues We Need to Talk About… yet fear holds us back. SEXUAL PAIN, BLADDER CONTROL and BOWEL CONTROL PROBLEMS. These seemingly diverse problems

vagina, bladder, rectum. Dysfunction of

have more in common than you

nerves and muscles of the pelvic floor

might think. They are all three suffered by women of all ages (you are not alone), and they destroy

leads to dysfunction of those intimate parts. When we can restore normal

quality of life. They are intimate,

function of the pelvic floor, we can

embarrassing, and hard to talk

permanently regain proper functioning

about, keeping us afraid to seek

of the organs involved. This is not a

help, making us feel hopeless. And, they are all caused by pelvic floor dysfunction.

Band Aid – it’s a cure. And it all happens in the privacy and convenience of a soothing spa-like environment.

What is pelvic floor dysfunction? The pelvic floor is comprised of the muscles supporting and cradling the lower pelvic intimate parts – think

Lose the fear. Get the cure you need. Get back to your life.

When you schedule a consultation at Women’s Wellness Center, you are taking the first step in regaining control and quality of your life.

Don’t let fear and embarrassment hold you back! Call today to start your path to restoration. 573-449-9355 Visit WomensWellnessNow.com to view testimonials and learn more.

WOMEN’S WELLNESS CENTER 1705 E. Broadway, #300 | 573-449-9355 WomensWellnessNow.com Laura Grant, MD, FACOG, NCMP. Columbia Ob/Gyn since 1994. Dr. Laura’s focus is on hormone health and treatment of pelvic floor dysfunction.

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2/6-7

DATEBOOK FEBRUARY 21 ETHEL and Robert Mirabal: The River Jesse Auditorium 7 to 9 p.m., tickets $38, $28, or $18 for children

FEBRUARY 1 “Legally Blonde: The Musical” Jesse Auditorium 7 p.m., tickets $66, $56, or $46 FEBRUARY 2 Columbia Heart Ball Holiday Inn Executive Center 5 p.m., tickets $150

FEBRUARY 23 Dierks Bentley: Burning Man 2019 Mizzou Arena 7 p.m., tickets $31.75 to $56.75

5th Annual Garage Sale and Bridal Flea Market A1 Party & Event Rental 8 a.m. to noon

2/283/3

FEBRUARY 24 Wedding Stroll in the District 11 a.m. to 6 p.m., free FEBRUARY 28-MARCH 3 True/False Film Festival Passes on sale now.

FEBRUARY 6 Peg + Cat Live! Jesse Auditorium 6:30 to 8:30 p.m., tickets $60 for VIP, $40, or $30 VIP tickets include a meet and greet with characters.

MARCH 5 Celtic Nights: Oceans of Hope Jesse Auditorium 7 to 9 p.m., tickets $15 in advance, $17 day of show

FEBRUARY 6-7 Drinks in the District All day, free FEBRUARY 7 “We Always Swing” Jazz Series Dr. Carlos Perez-Mesa Memorial Concert Kimball Ballroom 6:30 p.m. FEBRUARY 9 Jon Langston The Blue Note 7 to 9 p.m., tickets $13 in advance or $15 day of show

MUST DO IN FE BR UA R Y /M A R C H FE BRUARY 6-7

Drinks in the District All day, free FE BRUARY 28 -MARCH 3

True/False Film Festival Passes on sale now.

MARCH 10 The Great American Songbook Kimball Ballroom 7:30 p.m. MARCH 14-17 Shakespeare’s “Julius Caesar” Macklanburg Playhouse Thursday to Sunday, 7:30 p.m. Sunday, 2 p.m., tickets $16 MARCH 14 Gary Clark Jr. The Blue Note 8 p.m., tickets $45 in advance or $50 day of show

FEBRUARY 11 Canadian Brass Jesse Auditorium 7 to 9 p.m., tickets $38, $28, or $18 for children

MARCH 15 Show Me Opera: The Magic Flute Missouri Theatre 7 to 9 p.m., tickets $23 or $16.10 for children

FEBRUARY 14-17 “Cat on a Hot Tin Roof” Macklanburg Playhouse Thursday through Sunday, 7:30 p.m. Sunday, 2 p.m., tickets $8

MARCH 16 2019 Missouri Beer Festival 2200 I-70 Drive SW Noon to 4 p.m., tickets $50 for VIP, $30 in advance, or $40 day of event

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We salute women who... stay calm under pressure have a sense of purpose focus on the next step are willing to learn overcome obstacles are visionaries exude confidence build relationships operate with integrity (left to right)

support other women

Kari Vogt Financial Planner Polly Reynolds, CPA, CTFA Vice President & Trust Officer Jenny Hayes Account Administrator

Youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re sure to like the women at The Trust Company as they embody these attributes and more. See us for your investment portfolio, trusts, estates, and wealth management. 4210 Philips Farm Road, Suite 109 I Columbia, MO 65201 I thetrustco.com I 573.876.7000 I Toll Free 800.285.7878 This is a Trust Representative Office. COMO L I V I N G

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STRONG WOMAN

CHOOSING GRATITUDE Followin g he r fa m i ly’s ba t t le s w i th ca n ce r, Re b e cca Wa lden draws st re n g t h f rom God a n d othe r s . ph oto by S A D I E T H I B O D E AU X

AGE: 50 YEARS LIVED IN COLUMBIA: 27 ON A TYPICAL WEEKNIGHT, WE COULD FIND YOU DOING WHAT? Spending time with friends or my son, Wyatt, or reading. WHO OR WHAT HAS BEEN YOUR BIGGEST INSPIRATION? Unconditional love. That absolutely inspires me to know that anything can be overcome or conquered, but more importantly, it inspires me to be fully me. TELL US ABOUT YOUR FAMILY’S JOURNEY. My first husband of 16 years passed away from brain cancer, and my second husband lost his battle with leukemia in December of 2017, a month after I had an avocado-sized tumor (benign) removed from my head. I had to use a walker to leave the hospital in November of 2017. I was grateful to return to work in early 2018. I am grateful for my son, my family, my extensive extended family and friends, and I choose to celebrate any and all victories in life. WHAT’S THE BIGGEST LESSON YOU’VE LEARNED? The biggest lesson is that I’m not built strong enough to do it all by myself. I try as I might to do it all or be it all, but I’ve found I would have absolutely missed out on so many important moments, treasured friends, and amazing experiences along the way if I handled everything that has come my way in life on my own. My days are fuller when they are shared with others, especially when I’m going through tough times. The gratitude is inspiring

and uplifting and makes me feel loved and cared for.

(and actually dogs of any size and age, including my 17-pound Yorkie named Emmy).

FROM WHAT DO YOU DRAW STRENGTH? Faith in God that there is a bigger plan.

WHERE DOES YOUR STRENGTH COME FROM? Believing in God and knowing there is a higher power at work in my life. Also, knowing my family and friends are there for me.

WHAT IS YOUR PASSION? I get excited about working with others to move forward. I love cheering others on, and I get excited about fi nding ways to help others succeed. FAVORITE RESTAURANT IN COMO? Too many to choose just one, but I love Flat Branch, G&D, Murry’s, D. Rowe’s, and Glenn’s Café.

WHAT SONGS WOULD BE INCLUDED ON THE SOUNDTRACK OF YOUR LIFE? My favorite song is “Walking on Sunshine” by Katrina and the Waves. One of the songs on my life soundtrack would be “Praise You in this Storm” by Casting Crowns.

FAVORITE OUTDOOR ACTIVITIES? Walking, biking, gardening, and photography.

AUTHORS THAT INSPIRE YOU? Brennan Manning, Brené Brown, Mother Teresa.

WHAT MAKES YOU SMILE? Lots of things! Good news, sunlight, beach waves, getting excited about a project, puppies

MOTTO? Unconditional love is more inspiring than what anything else has to offer.

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IF YOU’RE

READING THIS,

IS NOT

DEAD

Make this Valentine’s Day

FAMILY DAY

Celebrating Your Family on Valentine’s Day

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A DVERTIS ER I NDEX A-1 Rental

Kliethermes Homes and Remodeling 34 & 38

Superior Garden Center/Rost Landscape 36

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Landmark Bank

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The District

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Missouri Military Academy

The Tin Roof

The Trust Company

True False Film Fest

Unbound Book Festival

Atkins, Inc. Baumgartner’s Furniture & Carpet

8 12 & 40

Boone Hospital

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4 39

Realty Executives - Heath Higgins

Vows Bridal Boutique Weichert Realty: Denise Payne

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CYSK

COUPLE YOU SHOULD KNOW Pizza Tree owners John Gilbreth and Amanda Rainey grow their family and business. HOW DID YOU T WO MEET ? Amanda: We fi rst met when I was one of the music organizers for True/False, and I booked John’s band, The Onions, to play at the festival. I thought he was pretty cool, but he didn’t check his email very often. John: A couple years later, when I was getting Pizza Tree off of the ground inside of Mojo’s, there was this girl who was really fun and smiley, and she seemed to really like the pizza we were making. One day we ended up at an after-hours dance party at Sparky’s together. TELL US ABOUT YOUR FAMILY. Amanda: We have a Corgi mix named Banjo, a 2-and-a-half-year-old named Rosemary, and probably a new baby by the time you’re reading this. So basically we are very cute and very tired.

WHAT IS UNIQUE ABOUT YOUR REL ATIONSHIP? A: We’ve never been afraid of commitment. I got our dog Banjo a week before we started dating, and John pretty much immediately agreed to be his dog dad. We got engaged within six months; opened a restaurant together before we got married; and had a baby two days after our fi rst wedding anniversary! WHAT IS THE KE Y TO A L ASTING AND HE ALTHY REL ATIONSHIP? A: We signed a ketubah at our wedding, which is a Jewish marriage contract. It’s kind of like having your vows turned into a piece of art that you sign and hang up in your house to remind yourselves of what is most important. We often throw around the phrase, “It’s in the ketubah!” about silly stuff, and that helps remind us to have a sense of humor, too. J: Frequently bringing home plenty of pizza. WHAT IS THE BEST QUALIT Y OF YOUR PARTNER? A: Johnny is truly a people person. He remembers every customer’s name and always knows how to make people feel special. J: Amanda always sees the bright side and the best in people. She’s also a catalyst for ideas. She is great at cracking a new idea open and letting others run with it.

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WHAT IS ONE THING PEOPLE DON’T KNOW ABOUT YOUR SPOUSE? A: John loves to order Domino’s. J: Amanda gets really excited about fantasy football. WHAT’ S YOUR FAVORITE PL ACE YOU’ VE TR AVELED TO TOGETHER? A: Either our first getaway, a 20-hour trip to Hermann, Missouri, or our honeymoon, in Puerto Rico. J: We always love to go see family in Springfield, Missouri, and sneaking off to the Golden Girl Rum Club, the best bar in Missouri. WHAT HAS BEEN YOUR FAVORITE PROJEC T TO WORK ON TOGETHER? A: Last spring we were king and queen nominees for the Rainbow House masquerade ball, which means we got to do a lot of fun and creative fundraising through the pizza shop. The ball was NASCAR themed, and we wore racing outfits that I made with the logos from other local businesses that helped sponsor our team. We didn’t win, but we still raised a lot of money! WHAT DOES THE FUTURE HOLD FOR THE T WO OF YOU? We are having our second child in February, and we look forward to enjoying life with two girls. We hope to grow our business with a second location or a new concept in the next few years!

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COMO L I V I N G | 2001 CORPORATE PLACE, STE. 100 | COLUMBIA, MO 65202

YES, SUNDAY TOO! Folks, we’re delighted to remind you we’re here 7 days for your convenience. So, no matter what day you choose to visit, you’ll find the same fully outfitted show room, same great selection, and the same “world’s best” SERTA mattresses. And last, and anything but least, the same terrific service ---start to finish. Downtown Appliance Home Center and The Sleep Shop... two great stores in one!

John and Donnie at your service, including Sundays!

1104 E. Broadway • 573-874-3333 • DowntownAppliance.com COMO L I V I N G

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