Winter 2018 by Butler Grizzly Magazine

PG. 12 | Digital Love

Students reflect on how easy sexting is with the help of phone apps.

PG. 16 | Tying the Knot

Married college students share what it is like being married at a young age.

PG. 28 | Abstinence is Not Education

Staff member speaks out against abstinence-centered sex education.

The Grizzly Winter 2018 | Issue Three | Butler Community College

On the Cover:

On the cover, editor-in-chief Tatum Sturdivant illustrated someone biting their lip to show sexuality without showing something drastic. The image shows sexuality and gender at the same time in order to represent the entire magazine as a whole.

Table of Contents PG. 16 Married college students share what it is like being married at a young age. PG. 20 Students talk about how pornography portays women PG. 28 Staff member speaks out against abstinence centered sex education. PG. 30 Students talk about how the stereotype of real men is not changing. Photos by: 1 Tatum Sturdivant 2 Tatum Sturdivant 3 Noah Merrell 4 Madison Pierce

No Means No

Q&A about coming out

Six Degrees of Separation

Safety First

Dorm Dilemma

Digital Love

He Said She Said

Tying the Knot

Split Views

Twisted Truth

She is Wearing a Dress; What do you expect?

Back to School

Abuse of Power

Abstinence is Not Education

Skewed Support

A Real Man

How to Fall in Love After Your Sexual Assault

NO MEANS

#Metoo

Reporter Mia Rodriguez shares her story as part of the #metoo movement by Mia Rodriguez | reporter

hen I was in kindergarten, a kid said “I will show you mine, if you show me yours.” He showed me his penis. I was young and confused, as I did not understand. I ran away from him because I did not want to see it. When I was in middle school, I was grabbing something from the bottom of my locker when a guy grabbed and slapped my rear end and ran. It scared me, so I went and told the teacher, who said “Maybe you were just in his way while he was passing by.” I went back to my locker, then the same guy came back up to me and said, “Why did you snitch? You should be lucky anyone would touch you” before he left. My heart sank and I stood there in disbelief. When I turned 18 and started making my own decisions. I decided to download a dating app called Tinder. On Tinder, I matched with a boy and arranged plans to meet up. I met up with him in Emporia. He was very sexually aggressive. “Are we gonna have sex or what?” he asked. I looked at him and said “I don’t know.” He told me to leave and that I wasted his time. After going to school in Emporia, I moved back to Wichita and started working. My co-worker, ten years older than me, complimented me every day and asked if I was losing weight. I worked alone with him late at night and he liked to stare at me and ask me about my sexuality. He would ask me about “my type” of people to date and ask “How are you single?” I would not answer. He asked me on dates and I would say no.

“Why?” he asked. I told him he is not my type, I am only 18 and he is a lot older than me. Later, I quit that job because of him and other reasons. When I was 19, I met a guy and had been seeing him for a while. He told me to do things I did not want to do. I would say no, but he would put his hand on my thigh and ask “Why not?” “I don’t want to,” I said. He said, “Okay.” Later in the night, his hand was in my pants. I told him to stop and he did stop for a second, but then he said, “I bought you something to eat so you owe me.” “You bought me a $1 burger,” I said in my head. This happened twice. I asked some people about the incident and most said, “You went to his house, what did you expect?” I never questioned it again. He kept asking me to come over. One night and I told him no because I was busy. “You are not busy, do not make excuses. You know you want to see me,” he said. He continued texting and guilting me then I told him to leave me alone. I never saw him again. At 20 years old, I went to a concert. A guy grabbed my rear end and smacked it, I turned around thinking it was my boyfriend, but he was in the bathroom. I told the stranger not do it again and he responded with “Do not dress like that.” I was wearing a T-shirt and jeans. Now I watch my back but have learned to speak up, instead of keeping everything to myself and being scared. I am stronger and happier now, and I am not afraid of anyone anymore.

Designer: Tatum Sturdivant & Noah Merrell | The Grizzly | Issue Three

Editor’s Note

hen I was younger, family dinners always ended with my dad making some sexual joke involving some attractive woman getting hit on in a bar. While I rolled my eyes, my brother cracked up. Even though sex was a frequent topic, it never developed into something that we could all talk about openly. I always thought that we did not talk about it because I viewed things differently than my dad and it never failed to stir up conflict. As I got older, I realized we did not talk about it because it was something that made people uncomfortable. I do not think this is something that has just gone on at my dinner table but is also a problem that occurs in every aspect of the world today. I believe sex is a topic that everyone should be able to talk about without feeling ashamed or uncomfortable. Women should be able to talk about how they are or have been treated by men and topics like pornography, sexting and gender expectations should be brought up without being afraid of offending others. Sex is not a topic that should offend people or make them uncomfortable but should make them think and feel free to share their own opinions and experiences. While in Dallas back in October the idea of doing a specialty issue on gender and sex surfaced. To get the issue done everyone agreed to work over winter break. Yes, while taking a break from school we all agreed to work on the school magazine. It was a headache and was hard to get everything done since we were not required to meet, nor were we graded on

deadlines, but we managed to bring it all together to create something that makes us all proud. In this issue, we discuss several topics ranging from a transgender student living on campus (10), how pornography portrays women (20) and sexual harassment charges in Hollywood (26). We also have several opinions addressing how women have been treated, from one staff member’s “#metoo” story, to my piece on how men objectify women based on the clothing they are wearing (22). I hope that you enjoy this issue of The Grizzly. Tatum Sturdivant / editor-in-chief

The Staff: Editor-in-Chief Design Director Tatum Sturdivant Noah Merrell Assistant Editor Copy Editor Allison Simon Lauren Hugo

Photo Editor Nadine Armstrong Sports Editor Madison Pierce

Reporters Amari Beasley Mia Rodriguez Keandra Rovaris Sydney White

-Q&A-

Mission Statement The Grizzly staff strives to keep students up to date on issues and events that matter to them. Content is edited and reviewed to ensure factual and relevant stories that are taking place on, around and near Butler Community College campuses. The Grizzly hopes to encourage students to stay involved in local happenings by informing them through a modernized and personal publication produced by students for students.

Contact US @thegrizzlymag @butlergrizzlymagazine @TheGrizzlyMag If you have any questions, comments, concerns, or even story suggestions you can contact our social media representatives Tatum Sturdivant at Taytiee.Rhianna@gmail.com, or Noah Merrell at Merrenoa45@gmail. com. You may also contact us at thegrizzlymagazine@gmail.com. We always want feedback from our audience.

Sports editor, Madison Pierce interviews freshman Austin Allen on what it was like for him to come out as gay Madison Pierce: At what age did you realize that you liked the same sex? Austin Allen: My sophomore year [of high school]. MP: How did you come out to your parents? AA: I came out to my parents separately. I had come out to my mother junior year [of high school] and my father my senior year. It was at the end of my senior year when I was dating my first boyfriend. I felt that it was time for me to tell my father, so I could finally be myself. They were both really accepting of my sexuality. I had come out to them in person. MP: Was it hard to tell your friends? What did they say or think? AA: I came out to my best friends before I came out ot my parents. They were very accepting. MP: What’s a common reaction to you coming out as gay? AA: The most common reaction that I get to coming out to people is that they either say that they already kinda knew or that they are still here for me. MP: Any fears about being openly gay? (Jobs, making friends, etc.) AA: I have had fears that my sexuality would affect how people think of me and how some people might not want to be friends with me. The biggest fear is that some of my family might not accept it. MP: How do you face your fear of people not accepting you? AA: I faced my fear by being proud of my sexuality and discovered that I do not need people’s approval. MP: Have you been to any pride events/marches? AA: I have been to one pride event and would like to say it is an amazing experience because you get to see people come together not to just celebrate LGBTQ, but getting to see that we are all equal. MP: How does your experience of being openly gay compare to others? AA: My experience of being openly gay is that I am proud of who I am. Other people that I know are—most of the time—the same way. There are some who feel like they have to closet that part of them away because of how people will think of them. Designer: Tatum Sturdivant | The Grizzly | Issue Three

degrees of separation

Students talk about the concept of six degrees of separation by Amari Beasley | reporter

ccording to The World Bank, there are 7.4 billion human beings in the world. Despite this enormous number, there is a saying that it is a “small world” and it most definitely is. There is an idea that everyone is mutual (a friend of a friend) and everyone is six or fewer steps away from each other through a chain. This belief is called Six Degrees of Separation. This idea was originally set out in 1929 by Hungarian author, playwright, poet and journalist Frigyes Karinthy. This theory was in a short story called “Chains.” This idea was popularized by John Guare after writing the play “Six Degrees of Separation.” Take a moment to think about how close you could be to Leonardo DiCaprio, Michael Jordan or Beyonce. Amazing, right? Celebrities have a better chance of knowing one another, but do you think this idea applies to EVERYONE? Reaching out to a variety of Butler students/staff, they were able to give their opinions on the theory. Freshman Tyler Diehl was not quite sure what Six Degrees was at first. He said it could have been highs and lows for the days or something to do with being a doctor with degrees in regards to school. After finding out what it is, he believes the theory is true. Diehl says, “My friend’s dad’s friend is the manager for The Red Hot Chili Peppers,” which is only four degrees. He says it is comforting to know that we are all so close together knowing there are people that can help one get a job, which is convenient. Tyler thinks social media does make a difference because you can friend anyone. Matthew Neises knew what Six Degrees were right off the bat. Neises says, “Any two given people in the world knows someone by people.” Neises think this idea is true… to a certain extent. “With the connection of the Internet, yes, but do you know them? It’s neat, small world,” says Matthew. He also says people he has met at Butler know people that he knows, yet he has never met. Both of Neises’ friends, Abigail Hele and Emily Crow, thought that Six Degrees were relatives separated by a continent.

“It sounds like a name of a band,” freshman Keith McFarlane says before knowing what Six Degrees is. “There’s a lot of times that I knew someone, and they knew someone that I knew, small world.” McFarlane has had an incident where his roommate’s brother’s basketball coach was his pastor. “I think we could meet anyone with the right connections,” McFarlane says. Sophomore Gisell Gonzalez thought Six Degrees was Fahrenheit until she heard the word “separation.” She then thought it was a relationship book, but she agrees with the idea. “There have been times where my friends had connections here, and you wouldn’t think it was possible because where I come from it’s a very small school,” Gonzalez says. Gonzalez is from southwestern Kansas, and she went to Minneola High School. “I just love people, and I think it’s kind of cool that we all know each other in some way even though we don’t think we do,” Gonzalez says. Psychology professor Cheree Anthony-Encapera nailed it as well. “I would guess it’s right, at least in the U.S.,” Anthony-Encapera says. When asked if she thinks it would be easy to meet anyone she wanted to, she says “no.” Well, no one famous that is. “You’d have to have the right connections,” says Anthony-Encapera. She says she and someone else knew a person and she didn’t realize that they knew the same person, because of Facebook. Having a Facebook makes you realize how many mutuals someone may have. One scenario is a friend of yours posting a picture, and a family member commenting underneath their photo. “The Internet makes it more obvious, it doesn’t increase the idea though,” Anthony-Encapera says. All in all, Anthony-Encapera thinks that’s it’s a cool idea and the more we are connected, the better the world is. “We’re so much alike, but we focus too much on our differences now. If we realized that, the world would be a better place.” Designer: Tatum Sturdivant | The Grizzly | Issue Three

STAYING SAFE

Students talk about importance of safe sex

by Allison Simon | assistant editor

hether it is an one-night thing, a new relationship, or getting close to someone familiar, it is important to have healthy, safe sex. Being sexually healthy is all about protecting yourself without stopping the fun. Sexually transmitted diseases, STDs, are diseases that are passed from one person to another through sexual contact. These include chlamydia, gonorrhea, genital herpes, human papillomavirus (HPV), syphilis and HIV. Many of these STDs do not show symptoms for a long time. Even without symptoms, they can still be harmful and passed on during sex. “The first step in having safe sex is trusting the person you are with,” freshman Kaitlyn Ewing says. “If you trust that person you are comfortable with them. You can ask them if they have STDs. You need to have that trust. If you don’t have that conversation there are ways to prevent STDs and pregnancies by birth control and other ways of contraception. No birth control is 100% effective, the biggest way to prevent an STD or pregnancy is abstinence. But if you are going to be having sex use condoms and birth control.” While STDs affect individuals of all ages, they take a particularly heavy toll on young people. The Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) estimates that youth ages 15-24 makeup just over one-quarter of the sexually active population, but account for half of the 20 million new sexually transmitted infections that occur in the United States each year. You can get an STD by having vaginal, anal or oral sex with someone who has an STD. Anyone who is sexually active can get an STD. You do not even have to “go all the way” (have vaginal or anal sex) to get an STD. This is because some STDs, like herpes and HPV, are spread by skin-to-skin contact. Peer pressure can play a factor in the spread of STDs and pregnancy. Many people, especially boys, feel pressure to have sex before they are ready. According

to research released from Psychology Today, some 63 percent of teens believe that waiting to have sex is a good idea, but few people actually do. “Don’t do what you are not comfortable with. If it’s not the right time or the right person don’t do anything you don’t want to. It may be hard in the moment but you need to trust yourself to make the right decision,” says freshman Chandler Mongeau. Consistently and correctly using latex or polyurethane male condoms + lube can lower your chances of getting HIV and certain other STDs—whether you are having vaginal or anal sex. The Butler college health center located in the 1300 building offers many free tests and education to college students. “We provide anyone free education and we offer free STD testing for anybody that wants to come in. We provide free condoms to anybody and then just education really is our main thing. At the testing center, we are trying to cut down on the numbers so anybody that wants testing we are doing it for free and we can get people caught,” Director of College Health Services, Jamie Sharp says. “They can come get tested anytime Monday through Friday. If someone comes in the next day to get tested after they have been sexually active it will not show up on a test. They need to wait at least a week or two. There is a dormant period before symptoms start to show,” Sharp says. Many STDs are asymptomatic until they are quite far advanced and, by the time you start seeing symptoms, permanent damage may have been done. “Testing for aids is a blood test. We send that off. It is free. It is part of the STD testing involves HIV and syphilis. Those are blood tests and we get a urine sample and that tests for chlamydia and gonorrhea. Those are the most common that we see. As far as the HIV test we just get a little sample of your blood and send it off and we get the results the next day,” says Sharp.

Protect Prevent

Use latex condoms Avoid sharing towels or underclothing. Wash before and after intercourse. Get a vaccination for Hepatitis B. This is a series of three shots. Get tested for HIV.

State of Kansas Reported Cases of syphillis chlamydia and ghonorrea January - June 2017

Syphilis Aged 15-19 cases 13

Chlamydia age 15-19 cases 1920

If you have a problem with drug or alcohol abuse, get help.

Gonorrhea

People who are drunk or on drugs often fail to have safe sex.

Aged 15-19 cases 420

Consider that not having sex is the only sure way to prevent STDs.

30 million

infections that take place every year, and around half of them are among people between the ages of 15-24

Designer: Noah Merrell | The Grizzly | Issue Three

DORM

DILEMMA by Nadine Armstrong | photo editor

utler has four housing options available to students who wish to live on campus. The housing is separated by sex and there are different options for both sexes. The two options that the females have to choose from are Cummins Hall and the apartments. Cummins has 130 two-student rooms with two sinks and adjoining bathrooms with another room and eight three-student rooms with their own bathrooms. They also have vending machines, two television lounges, and coin-operated laundry. The apartments have four bedrooms that room two students, two bathrooms and a kitchen. The males also have two options to choose from, some say they are not as nice as the female dorms, East Hall and West Hall. East Hall has 113 two-student rooms with an adjoining to another room and three threestudent rooms. Unlike Cummins, East only has one sink per room. East, like Cummins, has a coin-operated laundry facility, vending machines, coin machine and a television lounge, but in this lounge, they have a ping pong table. They also have an ice machine and a computer lab in the building. West Hall also has two-student rooms, but they do not have a bathroom connected to the room. Instead of sharing a bathroom with the room next door, they have a community bathroom. They also have a television lounge, computer lab and a coin-operated laundry facility. During a Student Forum on December 13, Butler President Dr. Kim Krull said renovation of the dorms might be something that happens in the future. She said that after surveys and ideas about what to upgrade, it will come to the board and they will discuss what to do.

by Noah Merrell | design director

oing into college, sophomore Justine Fantroy had some adjusting ahead of her. Being a transgender student living on campus, she had a lot of hoops to jump, to ensure her experience was as comfortable as it could be. Coming from a family that was very accepting and loving of her, Fantroy says that she was not sure if she would have the same support system at Butler. “I came from a very open-minded ... Christian family,” Fantroy says. “I was spoiled, and I was always called Justine. I am sensitive, and my mother knew this.” She said at first the adjustment was overwhelming. “I was very emotional when I first came here because there were sometimes I would go to the girls’ dorms, and some boys would immediately leave, and some would talk about me, and some did not understand it. And there was like a million questions thrown at me at once, and it was overwhelming at first, but then people got to know me,” she says. After a while, Fantroy became accustomed to Butler and the students. “They accept me, they love me, they understand me,” she says. Justine says that Butler has had her back ever since she started coming here and she feels very welcome by the faculty and staff. “The academic instructors have been very accepting of her by using her correct pronouns and calling her Justine even before it was her legal name,” she says. Another way the school has accommodated for her was by giving her a dorm all to herself. “At first I was supposed to have a roommate, but I told them I was not comfortable with it because I view myself as a female,” she says. As of right now, there is enough room in the dorms for her to have her own, but if they ever needed to put someone in her dorm, they would move her to Cummins. Fantroy says that by being herself people have become more comfortable with her; the little aspects of her personality help people to accept her. “One of the things they like about me is that I do not sound masculine,” she says. “Some people have it in them, and they know I walk in my truth, and I am just myself.” Although being transgender has been a huge part of her life, Fantroy wants people to remember she is more than that. “I am more than just ‘Justine the transgender,’” she says. One thing that she says defines her is her love of singing. She says she has sung in many different vocal groups at her Church and in chamber choirs. Although Fantroy has a love for performing, she does not believe she has a place yet in the fine arts program. “One of the hardest things that I deal with is that I can’t do fine arts, because I know that they would probably make me do boy stuff because I am still pre-op and not post-op,” she says. Being a self-proclaimed fashionista, one of her fears with the fine arts program is having to wear a suit, since she has never worn one before, nor does she ever plan on wearing one because it does not fit her fashion sense. Fantroy says she keeps tunnel vision and remembers her goal and why she came to Butler in the first place and tries to hold onto her morals even in the college setting. “I am here for one thing, and one thing only and that is my education,” she says. photo by Madison Pierce

Designer: Noah Merrell | The Grizzly | Issue Three

Sexting Statistics Stats collected by statisticbrain.com/sexting-statistics & standard.net/Hers

61%

of teens say they have sent sexts because they felt pressured to. Infographic by Tatum Sturdivant and statistics collected by Keandra Rovaris.

39% 48% 59% 64%

of teens have sent a sext message.

of teens have received a sext message.

of young adults have sent a sext message.

of young adults have received a sext message.

x xx Editor-in-Chief Tatum Sturdivant illustrates the inappropriate texts being sent to people by using XXX a label usually used to state that something is highly pornographic like the conversations and pictures between people.

digi tal

love

Phone apps make it easy for students to exchange & save photos by Lauren Hugo | copy editor

exting is not a completely new concept to people with smartphones. However, there is a growing culture of pressuring others to send nude photos. While peer pressure is almost an expected part of growing up, teenagers may feel the pressure even more so with smartphones making it incredibly easy to comment and message somebody, asking for pictures of their naked body. A relatively recent report from Northwestern University showed that specifically women are facing a lot of pressure and feel “overwhelmed, confused, tired,” and “bombarded” when asked to send nude or semi-nude photos of their bodies. Sexting can lead to certain consequences like the messages being leaked, accidentally sending photos to the wrong person, or even getting into legal trouble. Despite these risks, some teenagers still comply with the pressure from peers. Not everybody is on board for the digital experience though, like our anonymous student 1, who does not understand the appeal. “Why would you sext,” asks student 1, “when you could just do it in real life?” Others who send explicit pictures consensually use sexting as a way to spice up their relationships and explore their sexuality. “I’m all for [sexting] if both parties are for it. Me personally, I feel super awkward and I don’t know how to do it. But if the person makes you feel comfortable, then so be it,” anonymous student 2 says. “It can be beneficial for long distance relationships too.” Long distance relationships lack physical affection, therefore sending sexually explicit photos and messages allows the relationship to experience intimacy, no matter the couple’s location in the world. All that is needed: Wi-Fi (or data, if you have enough left to use).

“Although [sexting] is not essential in a relationship, it can make long distance feel not-so distant,” says student 3, who is involved in a long distance relationship themselves. Applications within smartphones and laptops like iMessage, Skype and Snapchat are where most people send naked images or dirty messages. Snapchat allows users to send sensual photos back and forth for only a temporary moment of time before it “disappears.” Of course, if the receiver decides the photo is too good to let go, they can screenshot it then save it in their photos or keep it in Snapchat, where there is a feature called “Moments” that allows users to save old snapchats. Snapchat is entirely aware of how users are using the application, because within their feature “Moments,” there is a tool called “My Eyes Only” and users can hide whatever photos they want inside a pin-coded folder. Kansas law requires sender and receiver of explicit images be over the age of 18. In 2016, Governor Sam Brownback signed House bill 2501, which addresses sexting and blackmail, or revenge porn: dirty images that may have been sent consensually but are used against one of the parties to intimidate or harass. The bill makes posting this kind of material without consent a felony in Kansas. A person being convicted of felony blackmail would mean up to six years in prison. The bill also lessens the penalty for sending explicit images of minors when the offender is a teenager. The intent of the legislation was to make it easier for law enforcement to crack down on sexting, but avoiding extreme felony convictions for teenagers. Sexting is something that has to be done responsibly, if done at all. Each party has to be of age and should have trust and consent, as nobody appreciates unwanted pictures and nobody needs to be pressured into sending images. Designer: Tatum Sturdivant | The Grizzly | Issue Three

sHe Opinion by Noah Merrell | design director

s a kid growing up I always thought about what my future relationships would be like. I remember watching soap operas with my mom and seeing how intense love was between characters on the show. I have always wanted that perfect relationship, but social media has made millennial women insane. Well, about relationships that is. From desperate TBH (To Be Honest) posts to exposing their exes’ nudes on Twitter, the 21st-century relationship has used the internet to amplify everything wrong with modern love. As a male, I am held to a higher standard of romance… one that is not realistic. Everything I do must be a grand gesture. From asking her out on a date to when you have a cold, the expectations of me and how I perform in situations are ridiculous. Yes, I want to blow money on the person I love, but that being said, expectations of these gestures are getting too high. These ideas of the perfect relationship have only been influenced by social media applying even more pressure to the male in the relationship to be “perfect.” People want something they can post on Twitter. They do not want a regular date or anything just casual. Couples need something that they can show off to their friends. I want a deep connection with my partner, but these grand gestures that are continuously expected of me wear out the love. We all remember high school: wanting to ask someone to a dance, hands sweaty and voice shaky, you asked them. As I grew up, I started to realize nobody wants to only be asked to the dance; they want a poster covered in glitter with a pun

written on the front and some food or a car ride downtown to an unknown destination, only to find a group of your closest friends holding up a sign saying, “Will you go to prom with me?” Those posts will be uploaded to Twitter or whatever social media is popular at the moment, not because you are excited about prom, but because you are hopeful that you finally got your shot at trending. These girls want that Instagramable moment that screams “Haha! My life is better than yours.” It is almost like a competition to see who can have the best relationship. If it is not on social media it never happened… Right? It seems like before you can call yourself a “serious couple” you have to first make multiple updates about how in love you are on every single social media account. I mean girls do not care where the relationship is heading. They expect every aspect of it to be extravagant and “postable”... even the breakup, so do not worry unhappy couples—you can exploit that as well. Did your boyfriend cheat on you? Well that’s postable. Girls just upload the fight over text, followed by a tag for both their assumed ex and their mistress and add a “#HeCheated.” Then they add his nudes into the mix. This will end up getting them thousands of likes and retweets. Disgusting, right? It is sad that relationships have evolved into this mess of expectation versus reality that causes stress on the couple. Everyone wants that fairy tale relationship, but setting the bar high will only leave you disappointed. This is the real world, not a movie, so it is about time we start treating relationships like that.

said. Editor-in-chief Tatum Sturdivant and design director Noah Merrell share their thoughts on the unrealistic relationship expectations that both genders have for one another Opinion by Tatum Sturdivant | editor-in-chief

y grandparents are always telling me how different dating was back in their teenage years, compared to now. It makes me envious hearing about how easy it used to be. They openly communicated and there were not ridiculous double standards. As a woman, I have encountered several instances where I have been stuck, unable to please a man because of everything he expects from me. One of the most common things that guys expect out of a girl is to look natural and embrace their flaws, but still, have a “banging” body and no blemishes. Now think about that. It is not realistic to be able to be flawless but also embrace our flaws. That is not how God created anyone to be. There are days I wake up bloated with bags on my eyes, but if I go out in public like that I am judged. Women are expected to be independent and do things on their own, but also depend on their man. But not too much or else they are clingy and boy-dependant. A woman is to rely on her man for anything that involves strength, and is not allowed to stand up for herself. If a woman has guy friends, she better make sure it is okay with her boyfriend before she even texts them, let alone go out to lunch because he may think it is more than a friendship.

Women are expected to have sex, even on the first date, but once a girl sleeps with a couple of guys, then she is considered a slut. Meanwhile, guys are out sleeping with every girl they are interested in because if they do not, they are jeopardizing their “man card.” Women basically have to beg for a man’s attention because men are “too cool to care,” but at the same time, men find every other man as a threat. If a woman does not beg for attention, then she is not interested, and too selfinvolved when actually, she just knows what she deserves from a man. These are all ridiculous standards that women are never going to meet. Fifty-nine years ago my grandparents first met on a blind date. My grandfather was 19, grandmother 15. Back then men expected women to become mothers and Godly wives. Men treated women with respect; cherished them, and protected them. They did not expect women to have sex on the first, second, third or fourth date. Women did not have to beg for a man’s attention or change their friendships, but somewhere throughout the years dating took a turn for the worse. It is time that men stop expecting women to meet all of their double standards and start treating them like the beautiful beings that we are.

Designer: Tatum Sturdivant | The Grizzly | Issue Three

Tying the

kn ot

photo illustration by Tatum Sturdivant

Married college students reflect on what it is like getting married at a young age by Tatum Sturdivant | editor-in-chief

hile most college students are swiping left and right on Tinder, hooking up with random people they meet at parties or wishing of meeting “the one” at a coffee shop, there are also college students who are already settling down and getting married. Butler alumni, Sarah Slack-Kelley and David Kelley, met their freshman year of college when they were in two choir classes and a sociology class together. On December 22, they vowed to spend the rest of their lives together, through ups and downs, sickness and in health, all while still being in college. "A big pro of getting married young is that you get to grow up together," Sarah says. "Obviously we both still have a lot to learn about life and what we are going to do, but I love that we get to work through it and be there for each other." Although getting to grow up together is a major pro to getting married young, it is not the only positive thing. "My husband is my best friend," sophomore Kirsten Cinotto-Pfannenstiel says. "We travel, ... go out on dates, [and get to] be young. ... We get to learn how to do all that ‘adult stuff’ with each other. I think that can be really comforting knowing I am not alone." Kirsten and her husband, Alex Pfannenstiel, got married August 12. Kirsten was only 19, Alex 21. They met at Eisenhower High School when Alex was a senior, Kirsten a sophomore. Now Kirsten attends Butler by taking courses online while living in Montana with her husband. When the two met, Alex had already enlisted and sworn into the Air Force. They faced the hardships of a long distance relationship for two years; missing significant events in one another's lives such as her high school graduation and his promotion ceremonies. "It was hard to miss someone to that extent and for so long," Kirsten says. "But we loved each other, and we knew it would pay off; we knew we would be together in the end." Even though it was hard doing long distance, Kirsten says that it taught the two of them a lot. "Communication was very important in our relationship considering we saw each other every three months," Kirsten says. "Texting, phone calls and FaceTime were lifesavers." While the Pfannenstiels improved their communication skills due to the fact they had a long distance relationship for so long, the Kelleys went about it a different way.

"A big thing that helped us get started was going to premarital counseling together," Sarah says. "That helped learn about how to communicate and deal with a conflict in a healthy way." While the pros outweight the cons in these marriages, that does not mean that it is not stressful. "A con ... is that marriage requires a lot of time and effort during a time in our lives that is already very busy," Sarah says. "We often have to make some tough decisions regarding our schedules since we have to work around each other... However, this was a sacrifice we were both willing to make." Being with someone is all about sacrifice, whether that means being married or just dating. Sometimes that sacrifice means moving to be with their significant other. Growing up very family-oriented, Kirsten found that it was hard to relocate to Montana after getting married. "This is the longest I have gone without seeing my family or friends," Kirsten says. "It took a lot of getting used to. I would wake up and forget where I was for the first couple weeks." After being away for five months, now it has become a lot better for Kirsten. "It was a hard change for me," Kirsten says, "but I was so happy to finally be here with Alex. We have made a home for ourselves here, and while I will always be a Kansas girl at heart, I am happy here in Montana." While getting married at such a young age has not been the easiest, both Sarah and Kirsten believe that their marriages will last, despite the misconceptions that exist. "Today, half of [the] marriages fail regardless of whether the couple is in their 20s, or in their 50s," Kirsten says. "I do not agree with that misconception at all. A marriage can fail regardless of the couples’ age." On the other hand, the Kelley's put their faith at the center of everything they do and aim to bring God glory with how they live. This influences how Sarah feels about young marriages not lasting. "In my opinion, marriage cannot be successful apart from God," Sarah says. "No matter how long [or] short you wait to get married, if God is not at the center of your marriage, it is going to fail." With both couples being encouraged and treated with positivity by those that care about them most, they both aim to have a successful marriage, despite their age. “Even though we were young, we knew we were ready,” Kirsten says.

Designer: Tatum Sturdivant | The Grizzly | Issue Three

SPLITVIEWS

Different queens talk about the drag experience

“As a performer I live to be on a stage.” Harmony Nyte-Carmichael

“Doing drag has taught me a lot about self love, growth, and transformation.”

Imani Kotoure

“Drag is an art form, drag is self-expression, drag is beautiful.”

Terri S. Aqui 18 18

Imani Kotoure by Nadine Armstrong| photo editor Current Miss Gay Wichita Pride 2k17, Imani Kotoure, has only been part of the drag community for about two years after her best friend at the time got involved. “I had known of drag, but had not really seen any of it off screen,” Kotoure says. “When my best friend at the time got into it, and I began helping him, and learning more about the art of drag along the way I fell in love with the art.” Kotoure’s favorite part about being a drag is getting to prep for a gig. “I add whatever songs I am performing that night to a playlist of other songs that tend to get me ready to slay, pour a glass of wine, and some munchies, and then sit down at my vanity,” Kotoure says. When transforming Kotoure takes three hours to paint her face for something important, but can get ready in two when needed. After arriving at the bar, Kotoure goes backstage to become a woman. “I tuck, and layer on like 5 pairs of compression shorts,” Kotoure says. “Then grab my body from my body bag, … which is two hip pads made out of foam …, and then two butt pads, also of the same material. I put those on under two pairs of flesh tone tights, and then I layer on about eight caramel colored ones after that, along with a pair of fishnets and my undergarment.” Next in Kotoure’s transformation she puts on her foam breasts, costume and starts getting ready for her first number. “My last steps are putting on my wig, nails and jewels because I always feel like they pull my looks together,” Kotoure says. Then she is ready to go on stage and perform. “It’s an amazing feeling to put so much time and energy into a performance and then to take it a step further and to be able to see the people in the audience, friends and family alike, live for you and all of your hard work, it’s exhilarating,” Kotoure says. “I always say, If you’re doing it right, you’ll feel like you’re Queen of the Night.”

Terri S. Aqui Former Miss Gay Wichita Newcomer 2016 and first alternate to Miss Gay Kansas Newcomer 2017, Terri S. Aqui as been active in the drag community for the last five years. She entered the drag community through an ex-boyfriend who was a drag queen. “In the middle of our conversation I told him I thought it would be easy; something I could mark off my bucket list of things to try,” says Aqui, “so I went to the Amateur show called ‘Boot Camp.’ After your performance, the judges tell you everything you did wrong and everything they hated. I kept coming back until they couldn’t judge me anymore and 5 years later I’m still at it.” When Aqui is getting ready for a show, she takes a nap two to three hours before the show so she can reflect and relax. When Aqui wakes up, she finds a song to perform. “Once I wake up, I just think of a song that reflects my current mood for the moment and perform that,” Aqui says. To keep it quiet while putting on makeup, Aqui gets ready on Facebook live. When it comes to the glamorous outfits, she orders them, but she is learning how to sew her own. Every Saturday, Aqui hosts a show with her drag grandmother Adina Ronee at Club Boomerang called “The Saturday Night Pre-Game.” “Being on stage is the best feeling in the world,” says Auqi, “because you are taking on a completely different persona and living a new life all in that moment. All of your problems and worries go away.” Performing does have its challenges. Aqui has to find new and creative ways to keep the audience engaged so they do not get bored watching the same set. “Drag is an art form, drag is self-expression, drag is beautiful and you should never judge a queen,” Aqui says, “because it takes more courage to stand in front of a group of strangers and dance your heart out in a dress than you’ll ever know.”

Harmony Nyte-Carmichael For Carmichael being a “Drag Queen” is not just dress up, it is a way for her to be her true self. “It is a difficult thing to explain,” she says. “You know that feeling when you just get your haircut, or you know your makeup looks great? Put on those new shoes and feel untouchable? Being in drag is that feeling to me. It is nice to walk around and feel beautiful. It is even nicer when you have a crown on your head!” Going into the show she plans everything out even days before. “I always pack my bags the day before a show just in case I forget something I will have time to pack it before heading to the event,” she says. She treats the packing like she is going on vacation and can plan up to a week worth of just clothing. When it does come to show time she has to get into her persona and loosen up to help her get prepared. “Typically on show days, I find myself jamming to the songs I will be performing that evening on repeat. I love to use my show prep as a time to become Harmony,” she says. “That being said I like to get into the mindset of what I will be doing for the evening.” Not only is drag something she loves to do, but it has also come with some awards for her. “I am proud to say that I am the current Miss Gay Wichita, Current Miss XY, Former Miss Boomerang, and Former Miss Wichita Pride. I am a recipient of the MImi VanHorn Evening-gown award, the Fritz Capone Talent Award, and Miss Wichita Pride Audience Choice Award,” she says. She also said that she strives to be the most awarded Queen in Kansas. “I am known as a ‘pageant queen.’ I honestly just do drag to compete and win pageants. That is just me. Some queens would not be caught dead competing in a pageant,” she says. It is safe to say that Harmony has made a name for herself in the drag world and is even recognized sometimes when she is not even in drag. “Often times going by any of the clubs or bars I am called Harmony (in-or-out of drag) however, it is not common for me to be stopped out in public and greeted as Harmony,” she says.

by Noah Merrell | design director

1919

Designer: Tatum Sturdivant & Noah Merrell | The Grizzly | Issue Three Designer: Noah Merrell | The Grizzly | Issue Three

“While pornographers can portray women in multiple ways, I do not believe that it portrays women in a negative light.” -Morgan Jamis | sophomore

“I feel like pornography portrays that women will do certain things, but in reality it is just realistic.” - Mo Rutledge | freshman

“[Pornography portrays] women to have the perfect body. The perfect butt and boobs.” -Kylee Jones | freshman

photo illustration by Tatum Sturdivant

Twisted

Truth

students talk about how pornography portrays women in a negative manner by Tatum Sturdivant | editor-in-chief

n today’s day and age, people are continuously exposed to pornography whether they believe it, or not. From snippets on Twitter, a movie with a graphic sex scene or actually going to a website like Pornhub. While all of these are different and they are not always viewed as personal sexual pleasure, one thing they do have in common is explicit sex. In Pornhub’s recap of 2017, it was obvious what people wanted the most: women. In 2017, “lesbian” was the number one term searched worldwide, while some of the other most popular terms were “milf,” “stepmom,” “step-sister,” “mom” and “teen.” “[These statistics] sends the message that all women are nothing more than ‘sexual objects,’” former Butler student, Clark Tolleson says. “It is promoting objectification.” While objectifying women, pornography is also sending false images of women. Some of these images include being “easy,” and just a source of sexual pleasure to men. “Pornography portrays women as ‘being easy’ sexually,” Tolleson says. “Because of pornography, I feel like those who view the destructive product think women are more willing to take their clothes off for them or having sexual relations compared to those who do not watch or view pornography.” Along with these consequences, objectifying women takes a toll on how society not only views women but also on how they honor them. “[Pornography] shows women as an object that can be manipulated into whatever men want,” sophomore Savannah Steubing says. “Women have worked so hard to be respected just as much as

men. We haven’t completely gotten the respect we deserve, and I believe part of that is because men have an unrealistic outlook on women in general. With pornography becoming more and more of a normal source of pleasure for young people these days, I believe it is affecting the respect that women are demanding.” Pornography has become increasingly popular throughout the years with the Internet being so accessible. In 2017, Pornhub had 28.5 billion visits, which is approximately 81 million visits daily, 50,000 per minute and 800 per second. “[Pornhub being that popular] is harmful to the human mind and it is harmful to future relationships,” Tolleson says. One of the major ways that pornography impacts relationships is by promoting a variety of types of abuse during sexual relations. “[If] they watch videos portraying abuse and try to recreate it without it being consensual, then [I think] that would be a problem within the abuser,” sophomore Kiya Augustine says. While physical abuse can build from pornography, on the other hand, mental abuse can also surface from it. “If men are not getting what they want from women, then they can argue with their significant other comparing them to the women in pornography for mental abuse,” freshman Molly Bottenberg says. While pornography is not going anywhere it is important to be cautious of how it can influence relationships and how women are viewed. “If you are not careful, pornography could take you over,” Tolleson says. “It can happen to anyone. Porn is not romantic.”

Designer: Tatum Sturdivant | The Grizzly | Issue Three

sheâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s

wearing a dress;

what do

you

expect?

Editor-in-chief Tatum Sturdivant shares her experience dealing with objectification from a customer at work Opinion by Tatum Sturdivant | editor-in-chief

rowing up my mom was always very persistent when it came to reminding me “dress classy and cover-up, but be yourself.” At the time it annoyed me because I hated being told what to do. I “always knew what was best,” so I just rolled my eyes every time she said it. As I went through my rebellious phase, I wore every see-through shirt I owned without a tank-top underneath, and made sure to wear the lowest cut shirts in my closet just to get a rise out of her. Naturally, I did grow out of this phase, and my mom’s words began to stick with me as I noticed that I was catching the attention of older men out in public. By older men, I do not mean upperclassmen, or “cute college boys.” I mean men that were old enough to be my dad or grandpa. I felt uncomfortable, and it crushed my self-esteem. For the rest of my sophomore year of high school, I wore scarves with everything. Junior year, I wore the same six outfits, which consisted of a Friends University sweatshirt, leggings and a scarf. I was not comfortable wearing anything else because of the looks I received, but also did not feel like myself in what I was wearing. As a kid, I was rather a tomboy and always stole my brother’s basketball shorts and absolutely hated being classified as girly. Being called “girly” was the biggest insult to me. I thought it implied being weak, foolish, always dressing pretty and having perfect manners. However, I fell in love with dresses and “dressing up” my senior year. As time went on, my closet was 90 percent dresses, and I felt more like myself than I had ever before. I wore dresses of all different kinds: striped, floral, shirt dress, halter neck and more.. I kept it classy and carried myself with pride – just as my mom always reminded me. I started working at a video rental store the summer after high school. One of my favorite things about working there is getting to wear whatever I want, as long as it looks professional. My go-to outfit is, of course, a dress. While dressing classy and professional, I never thought that I would get one of those looks again by another creepy old man. Until the day I did.

The store was busy. Summer was ending, and the crisp fall air had families staying inside for the weekend. I was getting a video game out of the bottom drawer, and I turned around to see my thencoworker say “Do not look at her that way,” to the man I was helping. In response, the customer said, “She is wearing a dress, what do you expect?” Those words now haunt me every time I put on a dress. Every time some guy looks a little longer than they should, I think to myself that it is because I am in a dress. That encounter made me feel uncomfortable in my own skin. It makes me sick and angry knowing that there are people in the world that believe it is acceptable to view women as nothing but a sex object. To look at women sexually as if they deserve it based on what they are wearing, rather than acknowledging their beauty and respecting them as a human. My heart hurts to know that there are women that face objectification and inappropriate looks every day; women that believe that they are nothing but a sex object. It breaks my heart to think about young girls growing up in a world where they are objectified and have to fight to be seen as something else. Yes, this situation drove me up a wall for months after it happened. And it still does every now and again – a year and a half later. But one thing I did gain from this situation was coming to terms with the fact that there are always going to be people out there that view women differently. This was rather difficult considering I am the type of person who likes to fix everything, but it has been something I have had to force myself to work on. Now, I can fully admit that I am comfortable in my skin and embrace wearing clothes that makes me feel beautiful. Unfortunately, there are still times in which men give me looks and make inappropriate comments, but that is no reason to hide behind a mask. That day I was in a dress and that was not what I was expecting.

Designer: Tatum Sturdivant | The Grizzly | Issue Three

â&#x20AC;&#x153;

College is just a little chunk of time that can make a huge impact on the rest of your life.

24 Danielle Nichols

â&#x20AC;?

Danielle Nichols talks about what it is like being a mother and going to school by Tatum Sturdivant | editor-in-chief

eing a young mom in college is challenging and overwhelming, but can also be rewarding all at once. A stigma that society has put on moms who have yet to finish college is that they will not finish, but that should not hold them back. Danielle Nichols had her first son her senior year of high school and began taking courses at Butler that fall. When she found out she was pregnant with her daughter, she took a break from school to figure out what she wanted to do and to save money. Nichols is now a full-time student at Butler and had her second son the first week of last semester, but still managed to finish the semester strong. “My teachers were great and worked with me, so I was able to catch up,” Nichols says. “[They] were very understanding and let me do as much as I could online for the first two weeks then … the rest when I returned to class.” Nichols is currently working towards being able to do the BEST program with Emporia to become a teacher after she finishes at Butler. The BEST program allows students to get their Bachelor of Science degree in Elementary Education while staying at either the Andover or El Dorado Butler campus. In the meantime, Nichols is a server at Abuelo’s, as well as a substitute teacher. “This keeps my schedule busy, but it is worth it,” Nichols says. To stay organized and not forget about any prior photo courtesy of Danielle Nichols

commitments, Nichols keeps an agenda with her son’s wrestling, daughter’s dancing and her work schedule. “Sometimes I get overwhelmed,” she says. “But I remind myself just a couple more years of this chaos, and I will be in the career I have always wanted, and it will be worth it.” One thing having children at such a young age has forced Nichols to do is grow up fast in a short time frame. “I missed the typical college experience that most students get like parties, dorms, sororities, but I would not change my life for anything, though,” Nichols says. One thing that Nichols says she does struggle with is finding motivation. “It is hard to get home from working all day and see the kids long enough to eat dinner, but then have to leave for class for the night,” she says. “My family is my biggest support [though]. If it was not for my parents’ and my husband’s support, I could not do this.” Nichols believes that having children at a young age should not be an excuse to not finish school, but encourages other moms that want to go back to school, to do so. “It is not easy at all, but it should be used as motivation,” she says. “Do not give up and just do it. Even if you start with just one or two classes just keep going. There are lots of moms that make it happen, and if you can get through a few years of struggles, it’ll be worth it in the end. If you look at the big picture, college is just a little chunk of time that can make a huge impact on the rest of your life.”

Designer: Tatum Sturdivant | The Grizzly | Issue Three

Abuse of

POWER

Sexual Harassment Accusations Snowball After Harvey Weinstein Scandal

by Lauren Hugo | copy editor

ince the exposing of Harvey Weinstein, many men and women have come forward with accusations of sexual assault in the workplace. Weinstein was an American film producer and co-founder of the entertainment company Miramax. Miramax has produced many accomplished films like “Pulp Fiction,” “Good Will Hunting,” “Chicago,” “Reservoir Dogs” and so on. Miramax gained popularity and was successful enough to give Weinstein plenty of power over actors wanting to become famous or catch their big break. Weinstein was first openly accused of sexual harassment by actresses Rose McGowan and Ashley Judd. Following them were 13 accusations, three of which included rape, posted on newyorker.com. High profile and well-established actresses Gwyneth Paltrow, Cara Delevingne and Angelina Jolie also came forward with their own stories about Weinstein. Since then, the hashtag #MeToo began to trend on Twitter. #MeToo originated from activist Tarana Burke, who wanted to share her personal story of sexual harassment and assault. Actress Alyssa Milano popularized the tag on Twitter. After Weinstein, Kevin Spacey, who is also an established actor, was accused of sexually harassing and assaulting men in Hollywood. His first accuser, actor Anthony Rapp, claims Spacey made sexual advances on him when Spacey was 26 and he was only 14 years old.

After more and more claims came out on Spacey, he decided then to come out as gay. People were appalled by the timing of his reveal, and the response was not particularly friendly. Spacey was dropped from Netflix’s “House of Cards” show, and Christopher Plummer replaced the actor in Ridley Scott’s “All The Money in The World.” These allegations spread farther than just Hollywood, as the former Republican Senate candidate Roy Moore was accused of molesting a woman when she was 14 years old. Another woman said Moore assaulted her in a car when she was only 16 years old. As other accusations were brought to light, the scandal grabbed attention from the whole nation as Alabama’s Senate election rolled in. Moore lost to Democratic opponent Doug Jones. The scandal even brought itself to Kansas. Former Democratic candidate Andrea Ramsey decided to drop out of the race for Congress after a 12-year-old case resurfaced and was used against Ramsey by her opponents. The lawsuit was brought on by Gary Funkhouser, who alleged he denied Ramsey’s sexual advances and, as revenge, Ramsey had him fired from OneLab Inc. where she worked as Vice President. Ramsey addressed the rumors and announced dropping her campaign on Facebook.

If you or somebody you know are facing sexual harassment, the National Sexual Harassment Hotline is

1-800-656-HOPE “Twelve years ago, I eliminated an employee’s position. That man decided to bring a lawsuit against the company (not against me). He named me in the allegations, claiming I fired him because he refused to have sex with me. That is a lie,” Ramsey says. “...It is far more important to me that women are stepping forward to tell their stories and confront their harassers than it is to continue our campaign.” With all the allegations against celebrities and politicians coming out in recent months, it brings up the question why these stories/incidents were ever swept under the rug in the first place.

148

Our culture has allowed those in a higher power to have the ability to abuse their authority and hurt others without facing any consequences in return. The fact many have come out with their own stories about sexual harassment and assault continues to inspire people to stop being silent and expose those who take advantage of the people below them. If we are going to ever find a solution to the problem, it has to start with a conversation first.

Harvey Weinstein

Ben Affleck

Accused by 83

Accused bY 2

Reaction: FIRED male public figures have been accused of Larry Nassar sexual misconduct, Accused BY 130 ranging from Reaction: Pleaded inappropriate texts guilty, 7 counts to groping to rape.

Reaction: APOLOGY

John Besh Accused BY 25 Reaction: Resigned Found on USATODAY

Designer: Noah Merrell | The Grizzly | Issue Three

Dear friends, I urge you, as foreigners and exiles, to abstain from sinful desires, which wage war against your soul, 1 Peter 2:11. Some Christians believe that sex is a beneficial gift from God in the context of marriage, and all other sexual relations are immoral. To illustrate that, Design Director Noah Merrell used someone holding a cross and a condom in each hand to show that by choosing to have sex before marriage is betraying Christianity in the eyes of some Christian Americans.

46% 60%

57% of females received formal instruction about contraception before they first had sex

of females received instruction about where to get birth control

of adult women had received formal instruction about methods of birth control.

43% 55% 31% of males received formal instruction about contraception before they first had sex

of adult men had received formal instruction about methods of birth control

$ 176,000,000

stats collected by guttmacher.org advocatesforyouth.org

of males received instruction about where to get birth control

was allocated to abstinence only programs by the federal Government. All statistics as of January 1, 2018

Abstinence IS nOT EDUCATION Opinion by Noah Merrell | design director

bstinence-centered sexual education is a disservice to all people and it is about time we fix this broken system. So can someone tell me why schools still have a primary focus on abstinence when it comes to teaching young adults and teens about sex? It is true the only 100 percent foolproof way to prevent STDs and unplanned pregnancy is by practicing abstinence, but the expectation for unmarried people to avoid doing something as natural as sex is preposterous. This mess all began in 1981 when the Adolescent Family Life Act (AFLA) was passed without hearings or floor votes in the U.S. Congress. The act was established to promote “chastity” and “selfdiscipline.” Funding for this act was cut in 2011, but still took the majority of funds. Although funding has changed for the AFLA it has just been hidden in a new program, abstinenceonly programs now have a new name: “sexual risk avoidance.” Sex is not an evil thing, but by only teaching abstinence schools are not providing students with the proper tools to have safe sex. Some people believe talking about sex should be left up to the parents; this is an entirely wrong way to look at it. First, there are LGBTQ+ relationships, and if the parent or parents do not know much about samegender sex, then they will be almost useless in helping their child understand how to be safe. Next, if the kid is living in the system such as with foster parents, they may never have that parental figure in their life to explain safe sex to them. Let’s be honest though, how many of us have been told the birds and the bees by our parents? If we were, was it at a reasonable age or had we already had sex by that time in our life? You see, it is an uncomfortable conversation to have and some parents avoid it in general, because It is so much easier to just sit down and tell your kids

to wait until marriage, when we all know that is not a realistic expectation. There is also a religious dilemma, the most popular one being that some Christian Americans believe that sex before marriage is a sin. Even though people believe that, it does not mean they are practicing it. According to the Kinsey Institute; California State University, the average male loses his virginity at age 16.9; females average slightly older, at 17.4. So it is pretty obvious that people are not waiting very long before they become sexually active. According to the AIDS Policy Research Center & Center for AIDS Prevention Studies, states that have taught comprehensive sex and/or HIV education and covered abstinence along with contraception and condom use tended to have the lowest teen pregnancy rates, while states with abstinenceonly sex education laws that stress abstinence until marriage were significantly less successful in preventing teen pregnancies. I mean the proof is in the conception. If you are not giving people every tool to help prevent accidents or the spread of disease, then you are doing nobody a favor and are only spreading ignorance. If you do not teach young adults and teens how to have sex correctly, then you are adding to the problem. The most aggressive and effective way to prevent these mishaps is to tackle the issue straight on with inclusive and thorough information about sex. The worst disease to spread is the attitude that sex is a bad thing and something that should not be discussed. It is a very natural part of being human, so let’s stop preaching abstinence and start talking the real issues. There is nothing wrong with having sex, but there is something wrong with how we are teaching people about sex. The only way to solve this problem is to start the conversation. Let’s talk about sex. Designer: Noah Merrell | The Grizzly | Issue Three

“We should all be equally

s uppo r t i ve & apprec i at i ve of the

men & women

student athetes.” - Andie Nibarger

Skewed support by Tatum Sturdivant | editor-in-chief

hen playing a sport, it always encourages the team when the stands are full of fans. While the stands at football and men’s basketball games are not full, they do blow the women’s encouragement out of the water at times. According to sophomore volleyball player Andie Nibarger, the majority of the stands at their games are just parents and a few students. “When you compare our stands to the football games, there are definitely a lot more students and community members that attend the guys’ games,” Nibarger says. It is not just during volleyball season, but takes place for all of the women’s sports at times and no matter how much effort they put into their game it still takes a toll on their spirits. According to sophomore softball player Payton Reynolds, she has heard statements of people only

wanting to attend the men’s games despite the fact that the softball team has won two straight national championships. “We have always had to promote people to come to our games as much as we could,” Reynolds says. “It hurts to feel like the sport you play is under appreciated.” Although the stands lack student support, sophomore soccer player Taylor Martinez says parents and occasionally some friends do attend their games. “I love when I look up and see my family and the families I have been playing around since I was little,” Martinez says. “It does not really bug me [that many people do not go] though. I play for me and my team when we are on the field.” One of the major reasons women’s sports do not get as much attention as men’s is because of the stigma that women’s sports are not as competitive,

photo by Madison Pierce

Student athletes talk about how women’s sports are treated differently than men’s sports entertaining or interesting. “I think men’s sports get more attention than females because they are more fast-paced and people like when things are always happening,” Martinez says. Another stigma that is placed on women’s sports is that girls are too ‘girly’ to be athletic, which hinders the support women athletes get from their peers. “The stigma that girls are ‘girly’ … is true in some cases, but being ‘girly’ does not always take away from how aggressive or athletic a woman can be,” Reynolds says. With men’s sports getting much of the attention, it sometimes makes women athletes wish for more fans. “I wish more people would attend our athletic events more frequently and see for themselves,” Nibarger says. “A lot of students who finally attend our volleyball games have come up to me saying how much fun it was to watch us compete and be successful.” Just because the men’s teams normally get the majority of the support, according to redshirt freshman basketball player Josh

Conrad, this year the women’s basketball team has been getting more support from students than the men’s at times. “Once the women’s [game] is over and the men’s start, the crowds [can be] empty and quiet,” Conrad says. “[The men’s team] has football and track players supporting us, but outside [of them] it is not too crowded. People do not want to come to a game all of the time and watch them lose. If they play hard and still lose you cannot be upset.” Even though there is not a definite way to change everyone’s mind about women’s sports, it would make a difference if people started talking about the accomplishments of the women and teams. “[If I could change one thing] I would change the way people … stereotype women as being less athletic or as interesting playing our sport because we, overall as a whole, are not genetically the same as men when it comes to strength or size,” Reynolds says.

Designer: Tatum Sturdivant | The Grizzly | Issue Three

UNCHANGING

iDEAS

by Nadine Armstrong | photo editor

n our society today, the way people view gender identity and expectations for women, gays, transgenders and non-binary (not identifying as male or female) have been changing. Something society is not talking about though is how “being a man” has changed, or if it has ever changed. When thinking about character traits for men, people think men should be strong, confident, self-reliant, assertive and ambitious. They believe men should not let others see them cry; they should be leaders, protectors and provide for the family, while avoiding to partake in anything a female would do. According to sociologists in Western industrialized societies, the “new man” emerged as a cultural message, for being both financially successful and emotionally sensitive, valuing tenderness and equal relationships with women. The unafraid “can do” man that goes head-on into traumatic events and feels free to cry emerged after 9/11. “A man should be respectful, supporting and most of all understanding,” says freshmen Logan Lukens. “Some guys don’t understand that there is not perspective other than their own. Which I try to not fall into but it happens every now and then.” Some people think that men should not be like the new man and that they should follow the stereotypical norm of society. “I think men should continue to be the rock at home,” says sophomore Trent Smith. “They should not be sensitive because that is how bad children are raised.” Being a college male can come with its problems. People think college men are reckless and only care about sex—not school and trying to figure out what to do with their lives.

“I do not follow that stereotype a whole lot, but I am definitely trying to figure out what I want to do as a career and grow as an adult,” says freshman Scott Slack. “I have been told that I have not been and am not manly enough. I do not find those opinions much of a problem though, because I identify myself in God’s image of who He made me to be and not who or what people say I am.” When people do not follow the traditional gender roles, sociologists call it “gender binding.” Gender binding is defined as a gender ignoring, or altering, the roles so they do what they want or need to do. For example, a father might be the stay at home parent and do the cooking and cleaning while the mother goes to work to provide for the family. Watching the news, some feel like the media is more focused on women’s rights and what happens to them than any events or news about men. “I think that the news has recently covered the harassment of women. This could be due to men being the more prominent perpetrator and that men may feel more uncomfortable or insignificant about being harassed sexually,” says Slack. According to U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commision, 16.6% of alleged sexual harassment charges are filed by men. “There will always be problems with gender roles and the way society views them. I believe God has always specified intentions for women and men, not that one is more important or deserves something more than the other,” says Slack. “But that there are men and women, and they were made differently on purpose and both deserve each other’s love and respect.”

Design Director Noah Merrell illustrates how men are scared to be their true self, because of social standards, by showing an average guy curled in the fetal position.

Designer:Noah Merrell | The Grizzly | Issue Three

How to fall in love after your sexual assault Guest columnist Victoria Lemon shares her story of overcoming being sexually assaulted Opinion by Victoria Lemon | guest columnist

was 17 years old when I was raped by a man I thought I had a close relationship with. There are a lot of things from that night my mind blocked out in order to protect me- my good ol defense mechanisms kicked in. However, there is a lot I do remember. I remember waking up the next morning next to him. Taking a shower, and looking in the mirror and realizing with all the bruises on my body I resemble more of a smurf than a human being. I went to work like I usually do, and it was there that I broke down and told my manager what had happened. I did everything I thought I was “supposed” to do. I made a report with the police, and eventually took him to court where I testified against him. He got six months parole for assault. You read that right- assault, not rape. I wish words could describe the betrayal I felt, from the judge to myself. When the trial was over and I was left with a life sentence and he was left with a slap on the hand, all I could think about was “So what now?” Forgiveness? No, it was too soon for that. Do my best to forget everything that happened? Yeah, that's the one I went for. So for almost three years I kept myself busy. I tried to fill a void that he created and I allowed to stay there. I went to school, work. I dated around but never allowed myself to get close to anyone, especially not intimately. I focused solely on loving others the way I wished I loved myself. Fast forward to June of 2017. I got my first ever boyfriend, and let me tell you, it was quite the experience. However, no article or support group or “sexual intimacy after sexual assault” self-help

book could have prepared me for trying to love someone, and myself, all while fighting demons from years ago. My boyfriend would touch me and I would have flashbacks, leaving me sitting on his lap crying, and apologizing. He tried to understand but you can't until it's you with hand shape bruised around your neck, and a sore throats from saying “no” so many times. I'd lash out at boyfriend just because all I could feel was anger. I was pissed off at the man who raped me, I was pissed off at myself for not being healed, I was even pissed off at God. December came quickly. It was cold and I was tired. I realized I was looking for love in the wrong places, and I would continue to do so until I learned to love myself the way I loved myself three years ago before it was taken away from me. I ended a relationship and started a new onethis time, with myself. And that's what it took. It took me forgiving my assaultant for what he had done. Not just forgiving him, but hoping he could conquer whatever demons he had so he could heal himself, too. Then the next step was to forgive myself for all the time I spent hating myself, and for hating him. I eventually found a relationship with God again. I no longer cursed His name or pitied myself. I accept what had happened to me. I realized I was still worth loving, regardless of what happened to me. There is no rule book on how to love yourself after a tragedy. There isn't a rule book for anything. Acceptance, forgiveness, time and self love. That's what it took for me.

Designer: Tatum Sturdivant | The Grizzly | Issue Three

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