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and then there were
four october 2011 • volume 2 • issue 9
Becca Sutton’s incredible path to motherhood
Scan me
Superheroes Aren’t Born, They’re Made
Empower yourself. Enroll today in Peru State’s online or on-campus programs. Affordable,
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F R O M T H E E D I TO R v your mag
H EL LO, FAVO R I T E SE ASO N ! In this issue, we feature Becca Sutton’s journey to motherhood that was long but well worth it. Her inspiring story starts on Page 8.
new look, fresh content
You’ll also find these features: Busy Mom’s Guide … to getting the most bang for your Halloween costume buck.
veronica daehn v M O M A H A E D I TO R
I’m an October baby who loves Halloween. My longtime best friend was born the day after me. Cross country is still my favorite sport, while basketball is a close second. Give me the crunch of leaves and the chill of autumn any day over a melty Popsicle and summer’s humidity. Let’s just say that I love fall. And hello favorite season! I’ve missed you. I’m breaking out the sweaters and the jackets, the closed-toe shoes (no socks yet – let’s not get carried away) and the scarves. I’m ready! I’m also excited about the second issue of our revamped Momaha Magazine.
Get a Clue … about all of those things our kids are making out of duct tape. Balanced You … Have a less-thanperfect tush? Try these exercises to lift and tighten. Myra Katherine Fritz … writing about her son’s adjustment to a new home. Organized You ... with tips on filing all of those papers piling up in your kitchen. The Dilemma … Our panel weighs in on household chores. Enjoy! And as always, contact me at momaha.com with questions or feedback. I love hearing from you. Happy fall!
v Veronica Daehn is a mother of two and the editor of this magazine
and
momaha.com
volume 2
v issue 10 v october 2011
Momaha Magazine is a monthly publication of the Omaha World-Herald, 1314 Douglas St., Suite 600, Omaha NE 68102. Momaha is a registered trademark, and all content is copyright 2011 by the Omaha World-Herald. All rights reserved. The opinions and perspectives published herein are those of the authors and should not be construed as those of Momaha Magazine.
editorial director
contributing writers
CHRIS CHRISTEN chris.christen@owh.com 402-444-1094
LISA ANDRE WS KIM CARPENTER M Y R A K AT H E R I N E F R I T Z CHRIS JOHNSON TINA KING KIT T Y O’K ANE A M Y TO KO S G AY L E R E I M E R S
editor V E R O N I C A DA E H N momaha@owh.com 402-444-1535
designer CHRIS CHRISTEN
copy editor momaha.com
AMY LaMAR
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production coordinator PAT R I C I A “ M U R P H Y ” B E N O I T
cover story photos B E C K Y N OVAC E K beckynovacekphotography.com
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to advertise, contact J ES S I C A F R E E D M A N jessica.freedman@owh.com 402-444-1416 MICHAEL A HANE Y michaela.haney@owh.com 402-444-1489
B U SY M O M ’ S G U I D E v your family
tina king v CONTRIBUTOR
H A L LOW EEN OU T I NGS Give your little goblins a chance to wear out their costumes.
>> Free trick-or-treating events. Many spots in the metro area host these events before Halloween, which is nice since you don’t have to choose between them and begging from the neighbors. Both Oak View and Westroads Malls host such events, as does the Mall of the Bluffs, Village Pointe, Shadow Lake Towne Center and the Old Market. They often include dancing and costume contests with prizes. Arrive a little early and be prepared for a crowd. Also expect that your kids will be receiving plenty of coupons for Mom along with all of the sweet loot. >> Costume contests. If you, Dad or Grandma have put in the time to sew or otherwise handcraft a costume, wouldn’t it be nice to get a little extra credit for it? If your kid’s costume draws appreciative appraisals from the other parents in your circle – and if your kiddo thinks it would be fun – consider one of the many free contests around town.
>> Paid trick-or-treating events with entertainment thrown in. OK, so it’s pretty cool to see your costumed tiger walking in front of the real thing’s cage. The Henry Doorly Zoo is offering its Spooktacular trick-or-treating and entertainment event four times this season. It will be held from 6 p.m. to 9 p.m. Oct. 21 and 22 and Oct. 29 and 30. Tickets, $10, include a meal and after-hours zoo admission.
Few decisions are quite as exciting to the preschool and elementary-aged child as picking out what he or she wants to be for Halloween. You may wonder if they’ll spend as much time one day choosing a college as they do on the back and forth of this annual dilemma. Once your little goblins have locked-in their final choices and you have obtained the costumes, be it from a retail store, a thrift store, a friend’s closet or even your sewing machine, it seems silly to put the time and money you’ve spent into only a few hours of fun, doesn’t it? Granted, your kids may get a little more candy than they actually need but look at it from the perspective of extending a favorite childhood tradition by a few days. Find more Halloween-related events in the Omaha World-Herald’s Go section in print and online.
>> The Haunted Safari at Wildlife Safari Park, all-ages haunted houses and pumpkin patches with games and hayrack rides are fun family destinations, too, if you don’t mind a little dust on your shoes!
v Tina King is a freelance writer living in Omaha. She is a regular contributor to Momaha Magazine.
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H AV E A L AU G H   v  yourlife
M OV E TO N E W STAT E W E I G H S H E AV Y
drawings speak volumes Last October, we broke the news to my then 5-year-old son that we were moving.
standing. I knew I was in trouble. “I’LL NEVER GO!� my son cried. “I’LL NEEEVERRRRRR GO!�
“You’re good with kids,� my husband said to me. “You should tell him.� I completely agreed. I knew my husband would (in his own special way) give too much information and complicate things.
This continued for 30 minutes. My husband gave me a thumbs-up as if to say, “Nice going, Mom.�
myra katherine fritz v CONTRIBUTOR
Yes, I should tell Coulter. Less is more. I seriously doubt he’ll react. I seriously doubt he’ll even understand, I told myself.
I seriously couldn’t have been more wrong. At the words “new job,� I noticed a tiny spark and a hint of under-
We took the kids out for fast food (nothing like some trans fat to lift everyone’s spirits!), and then we agreed not to talk about it. We would wait for Coulter to bring it up. Several days passed, and he eventually began talking. Understandably, he was most concerned about his friends. He asked if Wesley would be able to come for sleepovers. We were moving from Sioux Falls, S.D., to Fremont, which is about three hours away. “Absolutely,� I said. Later that week while driving the boys, Coulter turned to Wesley and said, “I’m moving to Nebraska.�
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“WHAT?!” cried Wesley. “You can’t move.” “Oh, it’s OK,” Coulter replied. “You can still come for sleepovers.” Wesley looked heartbroken. “No,” he said. “My mom will never let me come that far.” I could feel my own heart breaking. Yet, there was something about that conversation, something in Coulter’s voice that bolstered me. He was going to be OK. We were going to be OK. My husband commuted every weekend for four months before we finally joined him in Nebraska. We began living in temporary housing: a two-bedroom, one-bath house with fluorescent lighting and a stove that set off the smoke alarm. It did not have closets, a washer, a dryer, a dishwasher or a garbage disposal. It had absolutely no counter space, and the sewer backed up twice during our six-month stay.
a black house with no windows. The dot represented litter. I was speechless, and my fake therapy degree was no help. (This might be a good time to mention that his 2 ½-year-old sister, Emma Claire, was adjusting well. If you’re considering a move, I can say with a fair amount of confidence: toddler: easy; kindergartner: not so much.) But here we are, a year later, nesting in our threebedroom, three-bath home with ample counter space. And just so you don’t think I’m boasting, one bathroom only has a shower, one bathroom only has a tub and one has neither. When giving tours, Emma Claire will show her bathtub and then quickly run down the hall, yelling, “Now let me show you my shower!” Best of all, though, is art time. Today, Coulter chose green paper and drew a huge yellow sun with a blue sky, floating balloons and smiling stick figures. We’re going to be OK. (It only took a year, but at least I was right about something!)
You can imagine how much I liked this place. Coulter was struggling. Everything was “weird” as he put it. I decided to play therapist and ask him to draw his feelings. He drew a black street with a dot on it and
v Myra Katherine Fritz is married with two children. She lives in Fremont. Read her column monthly in Momaha Magazine.
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B A L A N C E D YO U v yourhealth
N O T I M E FO R T H E BACKSI DE? GU ESS AG A I N The following exercises don’t require weights, special equipment or exercise bands. Plus, they can be done at home while doing things like watching TV or waiting for a pot of water to boil. Do the exercises slowly to increase both muscle strength and body awareness.
kim carpenter v CONTRIBUTOR
Buns, booty, backside. Rear, derriere, fanny. No matter what you call it, the area known as the “glutes” is one of the most challenging for women to tighten and tone. Made up of three muscles – the gluteus maximus, the gluteus medius and the gluteus minimus – it’s the reason why I hate trying on jeans and haven’t bought a new swimsuit in years. Here’s a suggestion for purveyors of women’s clothing: Please don’t put threeway mirrors in changing rooms. I know you mean well, but seriously, you make me flee the store without buying anything. Shala Heida, who is certified by the National Strength and Conditioning Association and is a personal trainer at Pinnacle Fitness Club, said it’s natural for this area to cause so much frustration for women. “Women tend to carry weight in the lower body for childbearing purposes,” she said. “Genetics and the prevalence of sedentary jobs also play a role. But women can make the best of their situations.”
1.
3.
4. Wall sit: Stand with your
Standing body weight squats: Stand with your feet hipwidth apart. Your knees should align with your big toes, and your feet should be parallel to one another. Keep your posture straight and your chest elevated. Place your hands on your hips or hold your arms parallel to the floor for balance. Squat down as far as you can go as if you are sitting in a chair. Press through the heels, keeping your knees behind your toes. Do three sets of 12 to 15 reps or one long set of 50.
2.
Standing hip abductions: Leaning against a wall or chair for support, stand on one leg. Lift the outer leg up, with your knee softly bent to a 35- to 40-degree angle. Slowly lower your leg. Do eight to 12 reps on each side.
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back against a wall. Keep your feet flat on the floor spaced hipwidth apart and about two feet away from the wall. Slide down the wall as if sitting in a chair, with your thighs parallel to the ground. Hold the position for 30 to 60 seconds. Slide back up to the starting position. Rest for 30 seconds and then do another two reps.
v Kim Carpenter is a freelance
Oh, really? How? Do strength-training exercises three times a week, Heida recommended. Because it’s difficult to isolate the glutes, these exercises also help tighten and tone the legs, abs, hips, lower back and knees.
Opposite arm and leg extensions: Begin on all fours with your knees and hands hipwidth apart. Keep your torso parallel to the ground and your head and neck in a straight line with your back. Make sure not to arch your spine or lift your head. Slowly raise your left arm and your right leg, with your heel pointing up and the palm of your hand parallel to the floor to shoulder height. Hold for a few seconds and then switch to the other side. Do eight to 12 reps.
B r a n c h o u t to b e t te r h e a l t h. Find more wellness news and information at livewellnebraska.com.
writer living in Omaha. She is a frequent contributor to World-Herald publications, including Live Well Magazine. Contact her at kmncarpenter@gmail.com.
G O O D R E A D S v yourlife
momaha.com book club W h at we R E A D “The Hunger Games” by Suzanne Collins
W here we met J e s s i c a P i ot ro w s k i ’s west Omaha home B est food sh a reD Chocolate chip dip
g o o d b o o k s, g o o d fo o d, g o o d d i s c u s s i o n
W h at we’R E R E A D ING “Sarah’s Key” by Tatiana de Rosnay
J oi n us Thursday, Oct. 27, at 7 p.m. at the Dundee home of momaha.com blogger Amy Grace. E-mail vdaehn@ owh.com for more information.
What THE BOOK IS ABOUT Set in both 1942 and modern times, “Sarah’s Key” by Tatiana de Rosnay is a mystery as well as a heartbreaking look at the round up and deportation of Jewish families from Paris to Auschwitz in what was known as the Vel d’Hiv, the place where the families gathered. Ten-year-old Sarah Starzynski is sleeping when the Paris police bang on her apartment door. Her family had heard of Jews being rounded up, but only the men. So Sarah’s father was hidden in the basement, thinking his family would be safe. But the police, this night, came for everyone. Sarah’s 4-year-old brother, Michel, stubbornly refused to go and insisted on hiding in a secret cupboard before the police could see him. Sarah locked Michel in the cupboard and promised to return. Sixty years later, Julia Jarmond, an American journalist living in Paris, investigates the story of the Vel d’Hiv and uncovers Sarah’s story. Julia discovers that her husband’s family moved into Sarah’s apartment after the Starzynski family left. She is determined to learn what happened to Sarah, in the process uncovering family secrets that some think would be best to leave buried.
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1-2-3 D E C O R AT I N G v yourhome
CA L EN DA R A RT G E TS 2N D L I FE AS ‘POST ER’ chris christen v INSPIRED HOME OMAHA EDITOR
Need large-scale art for a small-scale price? Find a favorite calendar, frame the monthly artwork and hang the images in a grid. Consider using a calendar that doesn’t necessarily give seasonal clues in the illustrations, such as this colorful display of California national parks created by California native and Fluff Your Stuff Interior ReDesign partner, Joy Johnson. To successfully execute this idea, be sure you have your level and poster tack on hand to ensure a professional-looking installation. You’ll get the “Wow! without the price tag “Ow!” Joy’s grouping sits at the top of the stairs leading to the second level of her home. The bench with nailheads and the woven baskets anchor the art and direct the eye upward. No need to spend a small fortune on frames; Joy created her display with inexpensive plastic models purchased at a hobby store. v Have an easy project idea to share? Need help with a decorating dilemma? E-mail chris.christen@owh.com. Gather more interior design inspiration at www. inspiredhomeomaha.com
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O R G A N I Z E D YO U v yourlife
T U R N YOU R PI L ES I N TO FI L ES We all have piles of paper on the kitchen counter and more piles in drawers. my kids. You can grab the “to read” file whenever you head out the door to pick up the kids and have some time to kill in the car.
Paper is an organizing challenge for most modern families. A constant stream of paper comes into our homes each week – mostly from our mailboxes and our kids’ schools. A lot of times, our piles are made up of papers that we want to keep handy. While the kitchen counter is a convenient stacking spot, the piles are inefficient and don’t look very nice. A SOLUTION A small, open hanging file box is a quick way to capture those papers. It also allows you to have easy access to what’s inside. The best file boxes don’t have a lid and hold about 12 hanging files. You don’t want a box with a lid is because the minute you close the lid, a pile will begin to stack on top of it.
amy tokos v CONTRIBUTOR
The location of your file box is crucial. It needs to be in a convenient place. I recommend placing the file box near the spot where you go through your mail and other incoming paper. Now, turn your piles into files with labels like “activity info,” “school info,” “home maintenance,” “to read,” “to file” (in another location) and “to do.” I like to have a file for myself and for each of
Another easy thing that you can do is write phone numbers inside of the file folders. This is especially useful in the “home maintenance” file for quick access to the painter, plumber, piano tuner or air conditioning repair person. No more fumbling for business cards. If you have piles of paper in your kitchen, give the open file box a try. It will allow you to have all of your highly used papers handy and stored in an organized way. It will be very functional – you may even impress your friends! Amy Tokos specializes in helping people simplify and organize their lives through her business, Freshly Organized. She belongs to the National Association of Professional Organizers and does public speaking. Tokos is a mother of four and lives in Omaha.
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O N YO U R R A DA R v yourlife
q Plan your Thanksgiving table. Will you get together with extended family or friends? What will you serve?
q Traveling in December? Book your flights while seat availability is good. Airfare and hotels aren’t likely to get cheaper closer to Christmas.
q If you don’t have a Halloween costume, get it now before selections are picked over. Check thrift stores, your basement and your friends’ closets for costume pieces.
q Swap recipes. Find your best cider, muffin or candy apple recipes and organize a girls’ night to share.
Ta ke note a nd don’t get caught unprepa red !
qStart your holiday shopping list. Start buying, too. Spreading out purchases can help ease the expense of the holiday.
q Plan an outing to a pumpkin patch. Omaha has plenty from which to choose. Go with friends and reserve a bonfire.
q Plan your trick-or-treating attack. If you’re new to your neighborhood, ask neighbors about the best routes and when kids start making the rounds.
q Begin researching family vacation destinations for 2012. And start a vacation savings account.
q Check in with your kids’ teachers. Any issues with bullying, behavior, anxiety, homework? If so, address them.
qOctober is breast cancer awareness month. Do a self exam or schedule a mammogram.
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T H E D I L E M M A v yourlife
WO R K I NG M O M N EEDS H A N D AT H O M E
lisa andrews v CONTRIBUTOR
THE DILEMMA: I love my job, but I work too much. As a result, my house is dirty, the laundry is piled high, the refrigerator is empty, and my teenagers are spending too much time alone. I hate most things domestic. My husband has a good job, but with one kid in college there is a money crunch. I feel like my kids could be doing more to help out, but I don’t have time to micromanage their chores. Hiring help is out. Sometimes, I think the office is my escape. I’m more successful there than at home, where I feel like I’m on a treadmill and can’t jump off. There is no balancee in my life. I need a paper bag.
Kitty O’Kane
Chris Johnson
Gayle Reimers
Twentysomething Kitty is a modern mama with old-school values. She worked as a preschool teacher, but now is a stay-at-home wife and mom to Ty, 6; Alex, 4; and Jack, 2.
Chris is in her 30s and works full-time in the insurance and financial
Gayle, a self-described workaholic, owns The Refinery & Co. Salon. She has been married for 30 years and has two grown children, Luke and Mollee. Gayle is in her mid-50s and has heard it all.
There are certain cleaning chores that I hate, so those go to my husband. Try writing out meal plans and posting each week’s menu so your family knows what foods are off limits until meal preparation time. This also helps budget grocery purchases and lets someone else do the grocery shopping. This sounds cheesy but you should hold a family meeting and explain that you are feeling stretched and need help. You already are supermom, but that doesn’t mean you need the weight of the world on your shoulders every day.
industry. She’s single, and has an 8-year-old son, Braedon.
1. If you are doing your teenagers’ laundry, stop. Make a Monday through Friday laundry schedule. You and your husband get first choice of laundry times. If the teens don’t do their laundry on their designated day, require them to find another time. 2. Each teen should contribute to the daily, weekly and monthly cleaning of the house. Make a list of things that need to be done daily, like washing dishes or sorting mail. Weekly: vacuuming or dusting. Monthly: Cleaning bathrooms. If a task or chore is not completed by the end of the day, week or month, take away a privilege. Your teens will get the message. 3. Ask you husband to help with the food burden. Take turns planning meals and shopping for groceries.
Your kids are old enough to help out; stop enabling them to be bystanders. My kids never did the laundry and barely cleaned their rooms, but dinner was always on the table (maybe not until 9 p.m.). Husbands can learn to cook. The whole family reaps the benefits of your hard work through clothes, vacations, college, etc. Someday, they will all get it and thank you for what you did.
4. Take a vacation. You won’t regret the time away.
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G E T A C LU E  v  your family
DUCT TAPE MADNESS Your daughter is begging for duct tape. All the girls have it, she says. Well, it’s all about the accessories, Mom. Girls as young as 8 are dragging their parents into hardware store aisles to stock up on the gooey tape. Oh, you’ll likely find some men there, too. They will be shaking their heads and wondering what the hot pink Hello Kitty and zebra print patterns are doing next to the traditional gray rolls. tina king v CONTRIBUTOR What kids are making with this stuff seems limited only by their fine motor skills and how much you’re willing to help.
Find instructions for this wildly fun cuff bracelet at baristakids. com. Search for “duct tape.�
Young girls are making wallets and hair bows; tweens are crafting purses; and ambitious teens are trying their hand at prom dresses. Need help? Check out ducttape.com for photos and instructions. “Ducktivities� include shoes, belts, rain boots, ties and bows. Book covers, messenger bags and holiday stockings, too. (There’s even a project to make for dogs!) To get in on the fun, submit your designs to the site. And if you really want to go crazy, craft a prom dress and compete for a $5,000 scholarship prize. Don’t worry if your efforts are less than contest-worthy, though. Perhaps they’re not even good enough to wrap an actual duct? You can turn to Etsy sellers for rose-shaped rings and other duct tape items.
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B E AU T I F U L YO U v yourlook chris christen v MOMAHA MAGAZINE
GO L D STA N DA R D
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1. Ta l b ot s s n o w t i g e r e n v e l o p e c l u tc h, $ 9 9 2. H e a t h e r B. M o o r e h e i r l o o m c h a r m s. H a n d m a d e, 14 k g o l d a n d s te r l i n g s i l v e r. $125 to $ 6,4 6 5 e a c h. B u i l d-y o u r- o w n n e c k l a c e a t w w w.e l i s a i l a n a.c o m 3. L a n e B r y a n t s h e a t h, $ 6 9.9 5 4. B a u m e & M e r c i e r L i n e a w a tc h, $1,9 5 0. Av a i l a b l e t h r o u g h B o r s h e i m s. 5. Ta r te Ta r te fo r Tr u e B l o o d l i m i te de d i t i o n e y e p a l et te. I n c l u d e s fa u x l e a t h e r c a s e w i t h 17 e y e s h a d o w s, e y e l i n e r, e y e p r i m e r a n d m a s c a r a. $ 52 a t S e p h o r a.
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story by tina king photography by becky novacek
Finally, ultimate happiness Becca Sutton’s incredible journey to motherhood As if it isn’t devastating enough to hear that you can never have children, Becca Sutton heard it in a voicemail left by her obstetrician. It was the first of many heartaches on Becca’s long path to motherhood. The Elkhorn woman is now an extremely happy – and exhausted – mother of four kids under age 5, but it has taken a lot of risk and perseverance to get there. In 2003, she and her husband, Scott, decided to try In Vitro Fertilization. But because Becca has diabetes and Addison’s disease (a rare condition involving the adrenal glands and hormone production), it complicated things. She became pregnant, but the pregnancy ended in miscarriage. The couple decided to give their hearts time to heal rather than try again. “It can either tear you apart or bring you together,” Becca says of their struggle with infertility.
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old girl moved into the couple’s Omaha home. They were immediately a family.
stuffed toy, Bob the Giraffe. Becca remembers him saying, “They’re really not coming back, are they?”
They turned over their hearts. And then their hearts were broken.
Again, the couple pulled together. Again, they tried to appear fine on the outside. Becca doesn’t like looking at photos of herself from that time period. She can see the emptiness in her face, she says.
The Sutton’s had agreed to take in the kids as foster kids, expecting to eventually adopt them. They never considered that the kids’ birth parents might reenter the picture. Around Halloween, after almost a year with the kids, Becca and Scott were asked to send the kids on an overnight visit with their birth parents. By Thanksgiving, the kids were returned to their birth parents for full-time care. Missing the kids and worrying about their welfare became nearly overwhelming. “We just held on, thinking they would be back,” Becca recalls. “It was devastating.” They survived with prayer. “We both have a very firm faith that we stand on.”
Nearly a year-and-a-half after the foster kids had left their home – Becca was enjoying a favorite comfort: perusing the aisles of a craft store. Her cell phone rang. It was a caseworker asking if Becca and Scott would take the kids back again. The siblings had been in a different foster home for the past year. And, oh, there was another brother, as well as a brother on the way. The birth parents’ rights were expected to be terminated. Within two weeks, the original two kids Becca felt were destined to be hers were back, bringing along with them a brother.
They pulled together, and in time began talking about adoption.
Days and weeks went by without being able to contact the kids. Becca frequently awoke sobbing. “I couldn’t go into their bedrooms. It broke my heart every time.”
“We just immediately fell in love with him,” Becca says of the child she and Scott had never met.
The Sutton’s heard about two siblings who needed a home. In January 2008, the 17-month-old boy and the 5½-month-
Finally, the couple boxed up the kids’ clothes and toys. The reality of the loss hit Scott as he packed away the little boy’s
Less than three weeks later, the newborn boy came to live with them, too. By October 2010, the birth parents’ rights were
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terminated on the three older children. The Suttons felt like they were on track to legally becoming a family of six. Just a few weeks ago, the baby’s case was finalized and the Sutton family is complete. Nowadays, 38-year-old Becca’s days are filled with the labors and delights involved in caring for a 5-, 4-, 2½ and 1-yearold. She is tired. She is happy. She attempts to find time to scrapbook the memories they are making. “We play outside,” she says. “And we laugh a lot.” Good friend Kelly Lautenbach says watching the family’s growth is a joy. “It’s been so fun to watch Becca become a mom, and just to see how good things finally happen to good people. I watched her want babies for so long. We prayed for so long for God to just give her one – and I found it hilarious when God gave her four.” In Becca, the kids have a mom who will give them exactly what they need, Lautenbach says. “She is the girl that if she loves you, she loves you with everything she has in her. It has been a privilege to be on the inside and see it up close.” v Becca Sutton shares more of her story in her blog, http://
randomthoughtsbybecca.blogspot.com/
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