Dear Parents,

One day last week our family was feeling like we had found a groove. The weather was nice, we had played outside and gone for bike rides (because sunshine and staying strong is more important now than ever) and we even celebrated taking one kid’s training wheels off! This quarantine thing maybe isn’t so bad, right?

But that night one kid woke up convinced that Little League had not really been canceled, it was just an elaborate hoax and everyone else in the world was still playing baseball except him. As parents, we validate fears but put fears back to bed: WHAT?!? That is a terrible nightmare! But it’s not true. Yes, I’m sure. I know because we just got an email from Coach saying he misses you all and wants you to keep practicing until the season starts up again and believe me, if something happens, we will hear about it on GroupMe. Believe me, GroupMe knows about it first.

Another child woke up terrified that the world had run out of popsicles. That’s understandable, when she hears the grownups talking about grocery lists and running out of stuff, and it dawns on her that she hasn’t actually been to a grocery store in a while and maybe the world really is running out of popsicles! But again, with the fears: WHAT?!? That is a terrible nightmare! But it is not real. Yes, I’m sure. I’m looking right now at PopsicleChecker. com and the official index shows that actually we were up 2,000 popsicles world-wide today, in all flavors. Yes, I’ll put extra popsicles on the list, YES, the ones we buy at the store not just the ones to make at home, I promise. turns into a person and she’s not used to legs and feet much less shoes and so she’s not very nice about other people’s shoes and… and this one was NOT hearing our reassurances and was NOT going back in there to her room where mermaids just take whatever they want so I am up, writing a letter to all of you parents. These times are tough, and fears are real. Whether they are serious grown up fears or more real fears like running out of popsicles. Anger is real whether it is fury at canceled baseball seasons, postponed graduations, or mermaids that steal shoes. Our children are learning about giving things up and being a little afraid constantly at an age far younger than we want them to learn about such things. There are, however, some things we as families can do to get through these times.

Talk with your family about their hopes and fears, joys and sorrows. All of us need to have someone to trust who will listen and help keep worries and furies in perspective. Grownups need to be mindful of children’s emotions as well, and anticipate regressions and clinginess and emotional vulnerabilities. Peer groups are great for rants and reducing isolation; grownups are better for perspective and reassurances. Being afraid or angry or worried sucks; being afraid or angry or worried together is not as bad. Make sure kids are venting to or asking questions to a good source; this is a time when being taken advantage of is more critical than usual.

Keep up with their studies. A favorite coach once said, “The best way to kill time is to work it to death!” Kids have that extra time they always seemed to need and even when parents are still working, siblings and friends can be enlisted to help stave off isolation and to know when to call it a day. Get them help when they need it; ask for grace when it is too much. Schoolwork doesn’t have to be perfect, and teachers are anticipating how to deal with this extraordinary summer learning loss, but doing something generative in a period of enforced waiting is a proven way to maintain emotional health. At the very least: Read. Read to, read with, read near by your children, and let them read to you.

Turn. Off. The. Devices. Don’t get me wrong, use them for work and research and staying connected, but they have an off button for a reason. Students are responsible for work and assignments in this School-at-Home period of time, but know that too much screen time is really not good for any of us. At a certain time, just put the phones away and turn the

Mary Cason Duncan

devices off. We all have the opportunity to get caught up on sleep; use the opportunity wisely. Teachers are telling stories of homework submissions with 2AM time stamps, and students who game all day, sleep until whenever, and submit work when no one else is using the family computers. Not to quote Chicago excessively, but this is going to be a hard habit to break. Make a healthy schedule for devices, don’t feel bad for taking the phones away!, and shut it all off when it is time.

Look for stories and signs of courage and humor;

look for beauty in the world and in the brave actions of those fighting this virus. Laughing really hard together over a shared story is strong medicine indeed. When you find these things, write them down, take a photograph, and share these points of light as beacons of hope.

Now that schools have been closed for the remainder of the year there is very little doubt that your child has not heard about coronavirus. When every radio and television station is reporting death counts and forecasting grim models of infection rates, everything seems to be related to COVID-19. Kids have this supernatural ability to sense concern and anxiety, so it is vitally important that we help

them away from group activities seems almost cruel. Talk with them about ways to postpone, replace, or just skip some of these events, while being mindful that they are experiencing the stages of grief; denial, anger, grief, and depression are emotions that parents can anticipate instead of being bewildered by. One last thought about what we can all do to help our families, children, friends, co-workers, our country, and world to adjust to this new normal: Pray. Pray for the strength to cope with what we cannot change, the courage to address what we can change, and for the people who are fighting this virus. Read the stories of saints and Biblical characters who went through great trials, trials that now may seem a bit more real. The sufferings of Jesus himself tell us that our God does not pretend suffering is not real, or that pain and sadness are not real. He shows us the way through these times, not around them. We can pray, “Dear Lord, Give us hearts for love and courage,” and look forward to a time when we can be together again.

Sarah Duncan, LPC Art Teacher and Counselor St. John Berchmans Catholic