COMMUNICATION—IT'S COMPLICATED

BY DEIRDRE BITTING, CMCA, AMS

Have you ever asked yourself, “What would the world be like if there was no form of communication?” I, for one, cannot imagine a life where people would not be able to communicate. I love talking; I am learning how to be a better listener. you heard. You might be surprised at the feedback. Focus on the speaker. Be engaged. Nod occasionally. Let the other person you are talking to finish speaking and then you can speak in return. It’s okay for a little bit of silence in conversation. Not every moment needs to be filled with words. These are all forms of active listening.

Communication is a skill that many employers will presume you have mastered. It is the highest rated skill employers will look for on a resume. Look at the last resume you put together. Do you have communication listed?

There are many different forms of communication: verbal, written and listening are just a few of them; however, there is one very important form that can be overlooked by the best of us—body language. I could talk about body language all day. People do not often think about how others perceive them when they are speaking. Are you crossing your arms?

In today’s ever-changing world we have many distractions that can thwart the best communicators. Social Media is a major culprit; however, I think the biggest offender is the smart phone. I know that I could not live without it! It can be a huge distraction, but there are times I do keep my phone on silent mode. I do not want my phone to interrupt what I am doing when I am at the office, in a meeting, or listening to someone I’m having a conversation with.

Do you remember the team building game everyone played as children and adults which is called “The Telephone Game”? In this game you line up in groups and a sentence is told to the first person in line. The first person then whispers that sentence into the second person’s ear and so on. Once the sentence has reached the last person in line, that person must repeat what they heard, or what they thought they heard. How many times has the last person heard and repeated exactly what the first person said? That’s right—hardly ever! Why is that? Play the game with your office. You will be surprised at how much fun it is to play and not take yourself so seriously! Then you can make a game out of active listening.

Are we distracted? How many items are on our to do list today? Are we checking our phone? Are we thinking about what’s for dinner tonight? Do we truly understand what the other person has said? We can say something to another person a certain way and, believe it or not, they can perceive it in a completely different way.

There are so many ways we can be better listeners. Maintain eye contact. Breathe, focus, redirect your mind and your thoughts, breathe again. Engage with the other person you are talking to. Be sure you understand what was said instead of repeating what the other person just said to you. Use the words, “I want to make sure I understand what you just said to me,” then repeat what you thought Verbal communication is much more difficult in today’s world than ever before. I like to prepare myself before a speech by first knowing my audience. How can I keep this audience engaged? I keep the conversation short and on point. After all, people today have shorter attention spans than you would think. Use visual aids if you think it’s necessary. This will give your audience something to focus on.

When working in the office, I like to task myself, use calendars to keep myself focused, and use lists that are derived from and in between meetings. I must determine the urgency and importance of each task to properly prioritize. What item can wait until the next day, or even the next week? Is this something I need to think about now even though the meeting might be 4 months away? Most items we deal with in association management are deadline driven. I remind myself of this when I work on my calendars and action lists. This helps keep my mind from wandering. If I allow my mind to wander, I am not calm and feel under pressure. If I am under pressure, I do not communicate as well because my balance is off. I will come across as short or appear to not be listening. Prioritizing will help keep you calm inside and out.

I volunteered to speak at a CAI luncheon a few years ago on Effective Communication in an Instant Gratification, High Speed Digital World. I used a bullet point handout to speak to my audience. That audience was all of you, my peers. It helped me stay on task and not let my mind wander. I use these same tools today. Everything else can wait and be calendared in a priority that is deadline driven.

Be articulate, confident, direct and have empathy in your communication, whether it’s by way of snail mail, email, text, eblast or phone. Also end your conversations on a positive note. It is not a difficult thing to do.

I would rather be accused of over communicating than under communicating. How about you?

Now… what’s for dinner?

Deirdre Bitting, CMCA, AMS has been a Portfolio Manager in the HOA Industry since 2008 and is currently working with S & L Association Management, Inc. Prior to HOA Management, she worked in marketing for several years for a nationwide home builder.