COMMUNICATING with CLARITY

BY: KELLEY GRIMES, MSW

Communication is one of the most important skills we can develop for our health and wellbeing. Misunderstandings and a lack of clarity cause so much stress in our lives and lead to conflicts in our personal and professional relationships. Learning to communicate effectively can empower us to improve all our relationships, including the relationship we have with ourself.

I love this quote from Brene Brown: “Clarity is kindness.” I share it often when I am teaching communication and boundary setting skills. Transforming your mindset about “clarity is kindness” is critical for effective communication, especially if you were taught that it is not polite to speak up or share how you feel or what you need. Recognizing that it is an act of kindness to communicate with clarity can inspire us to feel more empowered when sharing our authentic experience. Sharing our experience provides others an opportunity to understand what is important to us, how we feel, and what we need. Understanding that it is kind to communicate with clarity can give us the permission we need to speak up.

Once you have embraced a “clarity is kindness” mindset, it is essential to identify how you feel and what you need in order to communicate with clarity. This step may require that you first spend time reflecting. Some strategies for becoming clear on how you feel or what you need are writing about the situation, speaking to someone you trust, or taking a walk and tuning into your feelings. Once you become clear, you can use the “I Message” format to communicate in an assertive way. The structure is to share how you feel and give a specific example from the situation and then include a need request for something to be different. You can end your statement with, “Is this something you would be willing to do?”

An example of using an “I Message” is: If I was upset someone did not respond to my email asking for help, I might say, “I felt upset when you did not respond to my email when I asked you for help. In the future could you follow up with me within a day when I ask you for help, so I know if you are available? Is that something you would be willing to do?”

When you share how you feel, you take responsibility for your emotions; when you share your need request, you give others an opportunity to understand what you are asking for. At that point, they can respond if they are willing to do what you ask, providing even more clarity. Not sharing how we feel and what we need leads to resentment, more intense feelings, and leaves the conflict unresolved. When we have the courage to communicate with clarity, we deepen trust leading to more authentic and healthy relationships with others.

When we value how we feel and what we need by choosing to communicate with clarity it also improves our relationship with ourself. Over time our trust in ourself grows and our self-confidence and self-worth increases, making it easier to embrace a “clarity is kindness” mindset. As a result, we model healthy communication in all our relationships and demonstrate that clarity is kindness means kindness for all.

Remember embracing a “clarity is kindness” mindset and communicating effectively is an ongoing practice. When we recognize that communication is about progress not perfection, we can honor each step we take to have more healthy and empowered communication with others. Becoming clear about how we feel and what we need provides the foundation of communicating effectively and expressing our authentic self. Committing to the practice of communicating with clarity will improve all your relationships and your health and wellbeing.

May you be inspired to embrace a “clarity is kindness” mindset and nurture peace in the world from the inside out.

Sending you peace, love, and gratitude.

Kelley Grimes, MSW is a Counselor, Author and Speaker and may be reached at kelley@cultivatingpeaceabdjiy.com