From the Experts Camberwell Grammar past student and Head of Impact at The Man Cave, Matt Defina (2009) discusses how outdated views of masculinity are no longer serving younger generations of men and women, and how ‘Rites of Passage’ can play a positive role in the lives of maturing boys as they transition into adulthood.
Challenging the historical lens of masculinity My time at Camberwell Grammar as a student was incredible, but it was by no means perfect or easy. I fondly remember the cold morning hockey trainings on the JTO with Mr Webster, the quirky art classes with Ms Kelly, and the ever-insightful literature classes with Mr Allan. There are plenty of students that had it much tougher than I did at school, but one thing I think was consistent for everyone was this need to wear a ‘mask’ to school every day. This mask of masculinity has been a persistent feature of masculinity in the last 100+ years and is not unique to Camberwell Grammar.
REDEFINING GENDER ROLES The theme of ‘looking back to inform the future’ is very relevant when it comes to understanding masculinity and ill-mental health across all generations and genders. The current generation has inherited a model of masculinity that is reminiscent of what was required during wartimes, but it is now outdated and no longer serving us. Just 10, 20, 30, 50, 100 years ago, it was clear that a man needed to get a paycheck and provide for his family. It was clear that a woman needed to find a man, get married, and have children. But as we’ve evolved, we’ve recognised these rigid gender roles don’t serve us, and especially don’t serve women. The impact of this outdated model is clear. Suicide is the biggest killer of young men in Australia and one woman dies every week at the hands of her intimate partner (who is 95% of the time a man). If we don’t do something, these statistics will continue or get worse. HOW DO WE SOLVE THIS? We need to get upstream and prevent young men internalising the belief systems and attitudes of a traditional model of masculinity (such as wearing a mask) which leads to worse mental health outcomes, relationships, level of violence, and life outcomes. The future is not about making masculinity wrong, but about expanding it and allowing boys and men to embrace more of their humanity.
THE CURRENT CHALLENGE It’s a confusing and challenging time to identify as a man. There are a lot of mixed messages: Be a man… be strong, be tough, don’t show emotion, have lots of sex, hustle every day. Be a man… open up, talk about your feelings, it’s okay to cry, reach out for help. Boys and men every day are receiving these contrasting messages, leaving them in the middle trying to work out which one is actually right.
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REINTRODUCING RITES OF PASSAGE To do this, we need to reintroduce Rites of Passage (ROP) into our communities. Young men need challenges during their teenage years, held safely by their elders, in which they can meet their edge and learn more about who they truly are. Our programs at The Man Cave are built on this model and designed to give young men the skills and tools to reach their full potential, build healthy relationships, and contribute to their communities. You can also use this model to bring more meaning into the lives of the young men you’re connected to. We grow when we’re uncomfortable.
