The Radish

A Very Secret Service now streams in America on Netflix

CONNOR SMITH

Editor-In-Chief

I have been unable to find a fun comedy show for some time. That was, until, I stumbled upon a new series added to Netflix earlier this month. The French comedy-drama series A Very Secret Service, created by Jean-François Halin, blends satire and comedy into the entertaining lives of agents in the French Secret Services during the height of the Cold War. The series follows the life of André Merlaux, who is mysteriously accepted into the French Secret Service by Colonel Mercaillon and watched over by operations director Moïse. As Merlaux learns what it means to be a spy for an emerging Great Power country, he finds mentorship from the dirty cop Jacquard, the insane workaholic Calot, the hopeless romantic Moulinier, and the deadly Ms. Clayborn. One of my favorite things the show does is mix satire into complex themes and issues that affected the world during the 1960s. Repeatedly, viewers see the French agents as having a superiority complex against emerging countries and movements. For example, the first episode shows the agents avoiding talking to three emissaries from the African state of Dahomey who desire independence. The show pokes fun at French imperialism in Africa as well as French influence across the globe with a satire all people can laugh at and enjoy. Another concept that is made fun of is 1960s French culture. During this time, France experiences a period of counterculture which grew into the Feminist Movement and modern working culture. The show makes fun of French traditionalism by using comedy to show how the French work culture and society experienced difficulties because of these new ideas. One example that stood out to me occurred when a group of French agents refused to send a captured Nazi back to Germany to stand trial because they wanted a “Nazi Bonus.” This theme of monetary bonuses based on dark events in world history shows the backwardness of the old French working culture through satire. A Very Secret Service is one of my favorite comedy-drama shows of all time. With deep, emotional characters, satirical and dark comedy, and a strong cast of actors, the show is a must-watch for anyone interested in a comedic series with dark historical undertones.

The two season French series A Very Secret Service has made its way to American Nextflic streaming. Photo courtesy of Critics At Large.

with CONNOR SMITH and CHRIS LAHOTI

For the last two years, one game has gotten eight awards without even coming out. Published by FromSoftware, the recently released action role-playing game Elden Ring has won The Game Award’s Most Anticipated Game Award for two years running. Now that the game has finally been released on consoles and PC, gamers across the planet now have access to this highly anticipated game, but does it hold up to the hype? In short, it does. Elden Ring continues the already popular Souls genre by mixing challenging activities with intense combat and an enthralling story. In my opinion, it is the story the game contains that kept my attention. The world known as “The Land Between” was heavily designed by George R. R. Martin, known for the immensely popular book series Game of Thrones. His guidance allowed for an immense open world dense with lore and unique stories. Speaking of the open world, Elden Ring is the first game in the genre to incorporate this concept into its linearlevel design. While many studios strive to add an open world to their games, very few achieve this goal. I believe Hidetaka Miyazaki, Elden Ring’s video game director, easily blended the intense actions and experiences of the Souls game with a beautiful open world. Whenever we got angry at a certain person or felt underpowered for an activity, we were easily able to find peace in exploring the open world. While the last couple of years have been up and down for video games, we believe Elden Ring marks a turning point for gaming. A new standard has been set for gameplay and game design, a standard we hope will impact the gaming world for the next couple of years. American rapper Sergio Giavanni Kitchens, more commonly known as Yung Gunna, has blown up the music industry and every social media platform with his new song “Pushin P.” Born in College Park, Gunna was raised by his mother and four older brothers who encouraged his music career at a young age of fifteen. He attended North Springs Charter School of Arts and Sciences. The name, Yung Gunna, was born in 2013 when his first mixtape Hard Body was released. Rapper Yung Thug took Gunna under his wing and started him in the record company YSL Records. In October 2016 his mixtape Season released with higher numbers than anticipated. He followed not even a year later in May of 2017 with Season 2, which gave him the respect he needed to continue his music career. He continued to create music, releasing Drip or Drown 2 in 2019 and Wunna in 2020, both hitting Billboard 200 records. The 28-year-old rapper recently released his third studio album DS4Ever this January with guest artists Future, Yung Thug, 21 Savage, Drake, Kodak Black, Lil Baby, G Herbo, Chris Brown, Yung Bleu, Chlöe, and Roddy Rich. The most popular song,

“Pushin P” has exploded on social media, but with some confusion. What exactly is Pushin P? Gunna took it upon himself to clarify: “Risking your life to feed your family is P. Jumpin’ ‘n a person beef or

The latest social media debate, “What is P and what is not?” has heated up conversations among youth. Only Gunna can answer this riddle. Photo courtesy of Interiew Magazine.

situation when you dk wats goin’ on not P” (Dexerto). In EHS terms – giant cookies during break are Pushin P but wearing non-Episcopal outer gear is not Pushin P. What to expect next? Rumor has it Gunna plans to release Drip Season 4 sometime in 2022, including definite collaborations with fellow rappers Future and Yung Thug. F shion Sen¢e with Raigan Clay

There’s been a growing call recently in mainstream fashion for body inclusion and the appreciation of all body types as represented to the public. For years fashion, and especially runway fashion, has been represented by the typical body type: average to tall height, slim figure-limiting curves, and complimentary facial features. Designers and brands have pushed this image of perceived beauty to the public, thinking it would appease the masses. But consumers expect more, especially among Generation Z, who are willing to break the norm within fashion and to push brands to show versatility and people who “look like them.” It’s common sense that the average consumer would be inclined to buy something on a model who looks like him or her. This is what brands fail to realize. Some of the top brands like Victoria Secret, Adidas, and Yves Saint Laurent are making breakthroughs in terms of body positivity and embracing a healthier culture within their brand. Bringing these brands press that is either good or bad drives people to talk and have real conversations about the brand, inevitably bringing them more success. Fashion itself has always been depicted as transformative and an art form that has shifted and changed throughout time. Body positivity and its message is helping to introduce a new wave of beauty and art. The fashion connoisseurs and allies of body positivity find solace and beauty in this new reset within the fashion community.

In an April Fools Day demonstration of creativity, The Knight Times proudly presents The Radish, a collection of news stories that failed to meet the final cut - in both quality and fact-finding.

Numerous state agencies looking for teacher removal over stickers

(HOUSTON) The United States’ Environmental Protection Agency and Department of Education called a joint emergency press conference Monday to publicly denounce the practices of a Texas private high school teacher and his distribution of so-called “reward stickers” that they claim pose a two-fold risk in an educational setting. Citing recent EPA studies and pending litigation involving the National Education Association, visibly angered EPA administrator Darlene Alexander condemned the distribution of student reward stickers as “probably unsafe and highly suspect.” At issue are the pressure sensitive acrylates on the back of the stickers that “are mildly toxic to mice when consumed in volumes over three pounds” and the “sheer ludicrous nature of handing out stars and smiley faces that motivate and acknowledge high school students in a blatant effort to win favor over his colleagues.” The target of the agencies is history teacher Alan Bradshaw of Bellaire, Texas, who has a fourteen-year teaching record of what one unnamed official called “a series of reprimands.” “The offender has, on numerous occasions, practiced early childhood curriculum in a secondary institution while seeking outcomes that are less about learning history and more about winning students over to protect his livelihood.” Scientific analysis of the reward stickers has been inconclusive, but EPA medical professionals point to one study in which squamous cell carcinomas of the skin were reported in mice treated topically with four to five gallons of the acrylic acid that makes up the stickers’ adhesive. “These young adults don’t know any better,” a flustered Alexander iterated. “They accept these stickers and litter their bodies and laptops with them in celebration, unaware of the potential dangers.” NEA spokesperson Claude McGivens spoke out against what he called Bradshaw’s “aggressive campaign to gain student appreciation to keep his job.” Bradshaw was not in attendance at the conference, but a large crowd of students adorned with colorful stickers featuring fruits, vegetables, and animals lined the halls of the Houston Office of Public Affairs to demonstrate their support of the embattled teacher.

“He’s just the best,” said one student, who wished to remain anonymous for fear of retaliation and what he called “sticker envy.” Another student, pointing at her arms and shirt and their array of brightly-colored decals, added, “Look at me... I’m somebody...thanks to him.” It’s not known what, if anything, will be done in response to the federal uproar, but talk of a dismissal is beginning to gain traction.

EHS history teacher Mr. Alan Bradshaw offers up reward stickers to students who pass by his room. The inspirational decals provide affirmations that students claim are a highlight in their day. Photo courtesy of Chris Lahoti.

Get ready for mandatory handbook quiz

(BELLAIRE) Will Dr. Brad Telford’s new student handbook quiz transform the community? It has come to the attention of the EHS administration that the student body seems to be neglecting the specific guidelines agreed upon by signing the student handbook. To combat this growing crisis, Dr. Telford has just announced his plan to set aside his duties as English Department Chair and all other responsibilities to focus his efforts entirely on confirming compliance with the student code. He will issue a mandatory, multiple-choice quiz over the entirety of the student handbook, beginning with the Class of 2026. According to the writer himself, this ground-breaking and innovative development might be the most challenging assessment issued at Episcopal; to pass with the mandatory 100%, he recommends students study well in advance of the new year. Dr. Telford warns that the quiz will feature precise details, dates, page numbers, measurements, and deeply-personal faculty information. Highlighting the importance and intent of this quiz, Dr. Telford states that “the latest research indicates that teenagers are far too happy and possess far too much self-esteem. This quiz is an attempt to deal with those regrettable trends. If there are tears and shrieks of agony? Works for me!” The school will hold mandatory review sessions weekly during the summer to sufficiently prepare the student body for this rigorous assessment. These Teams meetings will occur at the student’s choice of either 10 p.m. on Fridays or 6 a.m. Saturdays. For details about other test-prep options, contact Mrs. Courtney Lindloff.

Ethics turns into two-semester course

(USA TODAY) One hurdle each senior must jump over to graduate from Episcopal High School is Ethics. With many students shuttering at the thought of quickly writing essays about different ethical dilemmas, the Religion Department has decided to alter the curriculum to respond to students’ fears. To do this, however, the department has decided to make the executive decision to make the Ethics course two semesters long. Starting in 2022-2023 school year, seniors will now dedicate both semesters to Ethics. The Religion Department, chaired by Mr. Dan Binder, believes this adjustment will positively impact the lives of students. One of the struggles in the curriculum, the faculty believes, is the difficulty in teaching such a broad range of information in a tight time span. By adding an additional semester to the course, students now have more time to work on reflection papers and achieve a greater understanding of philosophy and ethical ideas. However, the department has cited that this schedule change will make some aspects of the course harder. For starters, the class will have a full midterm-style test like other subjects in December, and students will have to learn two extra units on John Locke and Confucius. Religion teacher and National Honor Society advisor Dr. Phuc Luu is excited to take on the challenge of teaching extra periods of Ethics in the coming years. When asked about the change, he said, “I’m happy to join my colleagues in teaching philosophy to EHS students. I believe next year’s seniors are in for a treat.”

Daily advisory returns, but at a cost

(NPR) For the first time since early 2020, Episcopal High School returned to its pre-Covid, traditional block schedule, but all of that is about to change. The school has decided to hold student advisory every day, like the 2020-2021 schedule, and as a result, Break and the 10-minute passing period will be shortened. .Director of Student Activities, Mrs. Courtney Lindloff, said, “Taking away a measure of Break time will provide the fantastic opportunity for advisories to spend more time together each day.” Advisory is a core component of EHS, giving students the opportunity to bond on their first day as freshmen and offer “a place where students can receive support not only from their advisor but also their fellow advisees.” “By increasing the time together, it can only get better,” beamed an enthusiastic Lindloff. As for the challenge of fitting a daily advisory period into the long-standing block schedule, it was understood that only a few options were available. Shortening class periods and Chapel time were off the table, but Break and the extended passing period offered the perfect option. Both will be cut in half to ensure adequate advisory time. Break snacks, as well as cookies, will still be provided, but students will find themselves having to sacrifice their free time to enjoy these delicious treats. Lindloff noted that “this change was based on feedback from the students who miss having advisory each day this school year.”

With advisory meeting daily next year, students are reportedly happy to give up their break period. Photo courtesy of Corey Kardesch

Dr. P achieves her vegan agenda

(SCIENCE DAILY) Linear Algebra teacher and Math Club sponsor Joanna Papakonstantinou, or Dr. P, has recently begun a campaign to make school breakfast, lunch, and break 100% vegan and “cruelty free” on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Having been vegan for several years now, she claims to know the mental and physical health benefits of an animal-free diet. “Students perform better without meat in their systems, especially in math courses,” she claims. Papakonstantinou plans to spearhead this plan and not stop until every one of her demands are met. Specifically, she would like all egg, honey, meat, and dairy products to be purged from the Episcopal kitchen for these designated days to ensure a completely sterile, animal-free cooking environment. Collaborating with Student Council and cafeteria staff, Dr. P hopes to achieve her goals by the end of this school year. Furthermore, until the new food policy is implemented, she plans to hold daily question and answer sessions on the vegan lifestyle to allow students a peek into the near future. This plan is not without opponents, however. A small group Dr. P fostering friendships. Photo of students by Chris Lahoti. who call themselves the Alliance Against the Anti-Meat Agenda, or the Quadruple As, are challenging Dr. P’s campaign. It seems their efforts, although valiant, have not had any noticeable effect on the progression of the vegan meal plan. Dr. P will be hosting her final informational session in her classroom during 5B lunch on April 4. She will be sharing facts about the health benefits of being vegan and the overall environmental effects of meat-eating.

Episcopal head volleyball coach goes to team USA

(SPORTS ILLUSTRATED) Episcopal High School head girls volleyball coach Amanda Watts has been a part of the program for the past decade and has announced that this will be her last year at EHS. Coach Watts has not only been a faculty member and coach but also an EHS parent in her time. She brought home two SPC titles for the Knights community, but now Watts hopes to continue her volleyball career with the United States National Volleyball Team. The Women’s United States Volleyball team is a force to be reckoned with. With the 2021 record of 30-7, team USA dominated the competition in tournaments across the globe. Overall, Team USA is ranked first worldwide, so Watts is excited to give her all! She first found out about the opportunity on the coaching staff when Olympic gold medalist and head coach Karch Kiraly reached out earlier this year. Kiraly expressed his interest in having Watts join the USA Women’s Volleyball coaching staff, specifically focusing on and aiding their middle blockers. When asked about the transition from high school to a nationally leveled ranked team, Coach Watts said, “I could not be more thrilled to represent Team USA and continue to coach the sport I love.” She “will always bleed blue and be proud to represent [her] Episcopal family on the big stage. It’s Knight Time!!”

New restrictions on phone use will block cellular access for students

(MSNBC) Thanks to recent studies on the negative effects of cell phone use in schools, Episcopal High School administration has announced new regulations surrounding student technology on campus for the 2022-2023 school year. This new policy will consist of firewalls on cellular data for all student devices, meaning cellular data will not work on campus and students will only be able to access the internet through the school Wi-Fi. To use Wi-Fi, however, students will have to pay a weekly, monthly, or yearly subscription. Each subscription will come with an allotted number of “Wi-Fi minutes,” and students will be charged directly to their student account for all WiFi minutes exceeding their pre-paid subscriptions. Administrators will also honor student seniority in this new policy, with senior Wi-Fi packages costing the least and freshman Wi-Fi packages costing the most. All money raised from these subscriptions will go toward buying personal typewriters for all students in an initiative to minimize laptop use, transition away from technology, and reduce screen time. Furthermore, administrators tell us that recent studies have shown that working on typewriters increases focus and productivity by large margins. Because of these studies, they have revealed that once enough money is raised to provide all students with typewriters, student assignments will be typed solely via typewriter and submitted as hard copies. While they know they will likely receive backlash from students, administrators stand by their new policy, noting that it will greatly improve student focus and productivity in the long run.

“We’re excited to roll out Knightnet later this year as we think it’ll help students focus while also creating a pretty sweet pot of money for the school. For at least the first 12-18 months, students who enroll can expect data speeds roughly the same as a dial-up connection from 1998. We hope to bring those speeds up to 2002ish levels by 2027. From there? Who even knows.

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Directors Cut: In this season of Tough Guy, the good doctor continues to push his agenda of overt infatuation with random phrases and purposeless dialogue like “I want that one, Mommy” and “It’s yum like paper.” We’ll never be able to look at him the same. Ever. Joining him this season are career TV extras Bob Matthews as the prescription pad and Emma Tsai as second disgruntled patient from left. The doctor will once again be operating on past successes as longtime rival Mark Mitchell reprises his role as physician’s assistant Constance Malaise. Season 10 will make Doc McStuffins look like Plutarch’s Lives in comparison. Miss it at all costs.

Hall monitors to protect social order

(FOX NEWS) As the student body elections approach, the Student Council has announced a new program at Episcopal High School. A group of Hall Monitors has been chosen to maintain order in hallways and make sure students get to their classes before the bell. Starting April 1, the Hall Monitor Department falls under the control of the Executive Board, consisting of the class presidents and co-vice presidents. Monitors possess certain authorities reserved only for them. These authorities include but are not limited to the ability to issue citations, temporarily revoke student ID at the school store, and be informed of Honor and Discipline Council case hearings. All monitors will carry the student handbook at all times to keep track of various dress code violations. Any serious violations of the official EHS guidelines or Code of Conduct will be reported directly to the Honor Council for review. Along with the hall monitors, the department will recruit special students to record any disorderly behavior in classes. These secret monitors will not be identified to their fellow classmates and are selected outside of class. There is no application process to join the Hall Monitor Department, as all members have been pre-selected by the Council. These selected secret members will also be expected to regularly monitor students’ activity outside of school both on social media and at non-school events. Regarding the response of the student body, a poll was conducted by the Student Council Senate of a small sample. The poll found over 110% support for the new department, with one student having voted twice due to their overwhelming enthusiasm.

To make sure all students are following school guidelines, student Hall Monitors will begin to patrol hallways in search up various violations. Photo courtesy of Gabe Oderich.

CompSci class mines for Bitcoin

(CNN) In one of the more shocking events on a school campus, computer science teacher Mr. Alan Duncan has recently expanded the computer science department to include a more lucrative method of instruction. Starting next year, a select few AP Computer Science students will receive the chance to begin their own cryptocurrency mining journey, providing the school approves the purchase of several new graphics processing units, application-specific integrated circuits, and various other computer hardware for mining. When questioned about the necessity of such a move, Mr. Duncan responded that he wanted to “expand [his] students’ outlooks and illustrate the possibilities that come with understanding both complex math and programming.” He hopes to show his students the practical applications of the knowledge they’re currently acquiring. Students will spend hours before and after school monitoring their progress, and weekly meetings will be held to discuss both blockchain theory and mining strategies. Earnings will go toward funding field trips and discussions with several STEM focused companies as a supplement to in-class teaching. As to which currency the students will end up mining, the choices lie between Bitcoin Gold, Litecoin, or Ethereum. If the initial launch is successful, Mr. Duncan is hopeful for a multi-currency operation. Eventually, he would like to establish an elective class focused on it. Never in Episcopal High School history has a program dedicated to crypto mining been in construction. This marks a new development in the school’s academic history and serves as a great reminder of the financial and career-related possibilities that come with the eager pursuit of knowledge.