Reflections by Bonnie Hutchinson

No complaints

I’m writing this on a gorgeous spring day. Blue sky, warm air, green trees, flowers starting to show up…makes me feel happy just to be alive. Not only that, this day includes a pedicure, a massage, dinner with my favourite (and only) daughter and an evening of live theatre. In my world, that’s pretty much a perfect day. I couldn’t make myself be grumpy if I tried.

That is making me think about the days when it’s easy to be grumpy.

The challenge

A while ago, someone challenged me to take part in a “no complaints week.”

The idea was that several of us agreed to see how long we could go without complaining about anything. We were each supposed to wear an elastic band around a wrist. If we noticed ourselves complaining or feeling judgmental about something, we were to snap the elastic band in order to snap ourselves out of complaining thoughts.

We were to check in with each other once a day for a week.

An educational week

That was an educational week! I discovered how easy it was for me to slip into critical complaining mode in a nanosecond. The weather, the news, people in grocery line-ups, the politics of the day…it seemed as if I was practically on red alert watching for opportunities to think or say critical things.

I didn’t always say out loud what I was thinking, but I noticed how gleeful it felt to come up with a great zinger. I realized that I actually enjoyed that momentary feeling of superiority. Not a pretty picture.

I noticed something else. The longer I allowed myself to stay in that complaining critical state, the more I found to complain about and the more the world looked like a dark place. If I didn’t interrupt my train of thought, I could feel the beginning of discouragement, resentment or even hopelessness (What’s the point? Why bother?) creep in.

This was uncomfortable but useful information. That is not who I want to be when I grow up! I started to get a sense of the power of negative thinking, not only to influence my mood but to alter my perceptions.

The antidote

I confess that I did not always snap the elastic band on my wrist when I noticed I was thinking or saying complaining things. But mostly I did make a conscious effort to switch away from complaining mode. The easiest way was to start looking for something to be grateful about. It didn’t even have to be related to the thing I was complaining about. Any form of gratitude began to change my mood and my mindset.

The happy thing I noticed was that the longer I could stay in gratitude mode, the more things and people I appreciated, and the better the whole world looked. I could feel optimism, confidence and even enjoyment creep in.

It’s not the only time I’ve had this realization, but it was an excellent reinforcement. Many situations can be improved by the simple method of finding something to be grateful about. That changes our mindset which in turn changes everything.

Yep, some things really are awful. This is not in praise of ignoring what needs fixing. But if we let ourselves sink into a mire of criticism and complaining, that lessens the energy we have to make improvements. If we arm ourselves with a generally grateful frame of mind, we can find the strength and wisdom to make needed changes.

And the winner is…

Back to our group. Did any of us make it through an entire day without complaining about anything? Well, one person (not me) claimed she had been able to resist complaining about anything at all for more than 24 hours.

Naturally, the others of us complained that it wasn’t fair!

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I’d love to hear from you. If you have comments about this column or suggestions for future topics, send an email to Bonnie@BonnieHutchinson.com. I’ll happily reply within one business day.

SPRING FLOWERS

Murray Green, Camrose Booster

Courtney Nicholson surrounds herself in beautiful flowers from Maplewood Acres of Armena at the Acreage and Garden Show on April 30 at the CRE.

LITTLE LAMB

Murray Green, Camrose Booster

Ryley Giesbrecht, of Lil Ryley Farms south of Ohaton, comforts his lamb Buckwheat during the show.