Culture City Informer

watching Jackass Forever and was feeling a little prank-y. Legally speaking, I don’t think it’s a rooftop bar if you aren’t getting a side of vertigo with your frosé.

What’s most frustrating is that nothing else is even happening on those rooftops. What a waste. They’re just keeping the rain off of penthouse apartments and providing a potential location for a dramatic fight scene in whatever D-list Marvel Cinematic Universe series is being filmed here next (Roof Boy: Origins). I could be using those roofs for a good cause! It takes all summer for me to get enough freckles to blend into a tan, and every moment not spent drinking on a rooftop is setting me back.

The reason we are lacking in sky-high thrills is truly boring— very “ground level” vibes, if you will. Basically, a restaurant or bar can only licence a patio that is physically connected to their location (with the exception of the parking-lane patios that popped up during COVID). And in Vancouver, it’s rare that an establishment owns a full building, or is on an upper floor with rooftop access. Other cities have patio zoning that is more lax, or have bars located on upper storeys of buildings that are connected to the roof.

But pick yourself up off that disgusting ground, because we’ve got an opportunity here! We just need to band together and buy a craft-beer keg and the tallest building we can find. Then, we can finally get high (above the city). Sure, a real estate investment in a skyscraper may cost a titch more than you were planning on spending on that first-date bucket of Sleeman’s Honey Browns, but climb with me, up 42 flights of stairs, toward the light—dizzy and panting and aware that you forgot your sunglasses in the car—and remember that the sky can be the limit, if we just believe.

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