4 minute read
PERFECTIONISM - LEARN TO CHANGE THE CHANNEL
LEARN TO DISENTANGLE HEALTHY STRIVING FROM PERFECTIONISM
By Kathleen Trotter, MSc., FIS, PTS
PERFECT IS A MIRAGE. NO HUMAN CAN BE PERFECT. NO “BODY” CAN BE PERFECT.
To quote Brené Brown, author of Atlas of The Heart, perfectionism is both the “great oppressor” and the “thief of joy”; it is correlated with loneliness, eating disorders, depression, and anxiety.
Striving for the mirage of perfection creates an environment where overexercising and obsessive selfmonitoring are not only acceptable but desirable. Perfectionism poisons our self-image from the inside while simultaneously making us feel that if we live, love, and achieve perfectly, other people will respect us … that if we dance in just the right way, we will be successful. The act of searching for perfection is the enemy of feeling worthy in our own skin.
As health professionals, we need to be attuned to the corrosiveness of perfectionism. For our own mental and physical health — and for the health of our clients — we must learn to disentangle healthy striving from perfectionism.
We cannot truly help our clients become their fittest, “favourite,” and healthiest version of themselves if we are personally enmeshed in perfectionism. Our job is to help clients adopt a healthier lifestyle, and a perfectionist mindset is the opposite of healthy.
Perfectionist-inspired goals are at best unrealistic and at worst dangerous. The act of working towards an impossible goalpost is not a badge of honour; it is a recipe for burnout, injury, illness, and depression.
It is easy to intellectually know that perfectionism is a harmful illusion, it is harder to extricate oneself from the fantasy. Knowing and doing are two different things. We cannot let the challenge soften our resolve. We must rise to the task. We are health professionals; it is our professional responsibility to model healthy behaviour. We must “walk our talk”.
Three ways to “walk the talk”
1. Learn to note your self-talk. With awareness brings choice; once you can note your perfectionist inner voice you can decide to change the channel.
Would you talk to someone you love in the same way? What would you say to a client if they told you they talked to themselves in a similar tone?
When you hear a perfectionist inner dialogue, take a pause to gain objectivity. As one of my clients says, “you can see a fly on someone else’s shoulder, but you can’t feel the bear on your own back.” After the pause, choose a course of action and an internal dialogue that is not based on comparison, fear, and perfectionism. Talk to yourself like you are talking to someone you love. Take the advice you would give a client.
Create an inner voice that is your own best cheerleader, not your own worst enemy.
2. Work on mindset. Your mindset is literally how your mind is “set.” It dictates your inner dialogue and your perspective. Foster a mindset based on progress not perfection. Replace your goal of “being perfect” or finding the perfect anything with a goal of “productive striving” and/or “progressive mastery”.
3. Turn your attention inwards. Perfectionism is other-focused. Perfectionism is comparison driven. Work to make yourself proud.
Brené Brown states, in Atlas of the Heart, that perfectionism feeds on
people working to avoid shame and achieve “success” by trying to “please” and “perform” for other people. Perfectionism is fearbased. Since we can only control our own actions, trying to control other people’s thoughts, actions, and reactions by acting “perfectly” is a perverse form of torture.
An antidote to perfectionism is learning to stay in your own lane, to step away from the toxic zero-sum game of comparison. Name YOUR values. Then live them.
Concluding Thoughts
Do not attempt to be a “perfect” recovered perfectionist; that is simply another form of perfectionism. Embrace the process. Embrace the journey. Be curious. Strive for growth.
Richard Rohr, author of Falling Upward, pinpoints the difference between the “hero” and the “villain” as their openness to growth. The hero learns and grows from failures and suffering. The villain does not. Since being a perfectly recovered perfectionist does not exist, work to be the hero — grow and learn from all experiences. Have a growth mindset. Work to be in a better relationship with yourself and your emotions, wants, triggers, etc.
To quote Carl Rogers, “the good life is a process, not a state of being. It is a direction, not a destination.”
Set your compass towards growth. Start walking. Thrive in your own lane! Stand proud being you for you. What other people think of you is none of your business.
Kathleen Trotter is a fitness expert, life and nutrition coach, media personality, motivational speaker, trainer, writer, and author of Finding Your Fit and Your Fittest Future Self. Kathleen’s mission is to inspire people to adopt a healthier lifestyle (in an intelligent way). Connect via kathleentrotter.com or FitbyKathleenT on all social channels.
