INTEGRATION

LONELY IN

LONELY IN CANADA?

Feeling alone is common for many newcomers, but it’s critical to get out and fi nd support before you fall too deep into isolation

By Sophia Kim Illustration by Hemeterio

For Tania Sharma, her immigration experience from India was a lonely one. Although she came to Canada in 2014 as a new bride following her marriage to a Canadian immigrant from India, the 27-year-old didn’t expect the fi rst year of life in Canada to be such an isolating experience.

In the beginning, Sharma found herself alone with no one to talk to while her husband went to work. “No one was there. Not even my landlady,” recalls Sharma. “I had nobody here to talk to. I just waited for my husband and stayed home all day.”

According to Marc Valade, a PhD candidate and lead researcher of the Integration Trajectories of Immigrant Families study at Ryerson Centre for Immigration and Settlement, Sharma’s experience is common among many new immigrants.

In his research, Valade and his team interviewed 23 immigrant families from 13 countries in the Greater Toronto Area regarding their experience when they arrived. His research has found a common theme of isolation for immigrants, especially for spouses of the primary immigration applicants. And language skills were a big part of it.

Cut off by language “[The interviewees] said that [language skills] did impact their ability to integrate and it also factored in their isolation,” explains Valade. “Especially for their spouses.”

Although a spouse who applied as a skilled immigrant may speak fl uent-enough English, the rest of the family members do not necessarily have the same language skills. Valade explains that many “lacked the language skills to build ties with the community or with their neighbours so then they were even more isolated … if they weren’t a part of a community, or an ethnic group supporting them, they didn’t have any friends or relationships here.” The result is that “their world initially would gravitate only around the house and the few stores or services they could access around the neighbourhood.”

Sharma agrees that this was her initial experience without any connections other than her husband. “I felt bound to my husband and I didn’t like that because I’m very social and I love to talk,” she says.

Family ties help While the stress of having one spouse so dependent on the other fi nancially and socially can seem like a heavy burden, Valade’s research revealed that, for many couples, it helped them grow closer.

“Family is quite important for them to be able to withstand all this social and cultural trauma,” says Valade. “In most cases, they’re telling us, ‘if it hadn’t been for our partner, I don’t know how I would have done it.’”

Valade adds that having a spouse or a partner to rely on helps in many ways; there is an opportunity for one partner to learn English, upgrade their credentials or pursue the career they want here while the other partner fi nancially supports them.

“Once one of the spouses gets a diploma and gets a job, the other can go through the process. There’s this exchange in the integration process that is quite valuable for them,” says Valade. “Family is an important factor to stay afl oat, to stay focused on their objectives.”

Research suggests that extended family such as grandparents also provide similar support. Often the grandparents or older relatives are able to provide essential help around the house and childcare, allowing many immigrants to pursue their career goals outside the house. And since there’s a strong sense of loneliness that stems from the distance from family left behind in the home country, says Valade, having extended family in Canada helps to lessen that feeling.

Further, immigrants who are in Canada without extended family feel lonelier knowing that going back to visit relatives in their country of origin is a huge fi nancial challenge at fi rst. Valade’s interviews reveal that many immigrants have to miss funerals and big family events, an experience that is psychologically >>

Get out, get support

Don’t feel ready to seek out support and get out of your isolation? Bonnie Wong, executive director of Hong Fook Mental Health Association, says that for many immigrants talking about feelings and seeking help is a challenge they must fi rst overcome in order to feel less isolated.

With such a wide range of services provided by associations such as Hong Fook and immigrant settlement agencies right across the country, there is no shortage of classes and programs that immigrants can seek out once they are ready.

John Dubé, senior manager for settlement programs at MOSAIC in Vancouver, explains that there are settlement, employment, language and early childhood programs that immigrants can take advantage of to get out of the house, meet new people and learn new skills.

Dubé cites MOSAIC’s English Conversation Circle as a good example of such programs. “The conversation circle brings in a variety of people and provides an opportunity to learn [English] in a more relaxed atmosphere.”

Organizations like MOSAIC also may offer fi eld trips to places in the community like libraries and local attractions, so newcomers can experience what the local community has to offer. Even mothers with young children or seniors can partake in programs that are designed to meet their specifi c needs.

However, for those who feel that they need more than social programs, there is also counselling help available from organizations such as MOSAIC and Hong Fook Mental Health Association, often offered for free and in a variety of languages.

Wong notes that for many cultures, there is a strong stigma associated with talking about mental health and mental illness, but she stresses the importance of realizing that it is not shameful to ask for help.

“Asking for help is absolutely permitted,” says Wong. “[Immigrants] need to talk about it so that they are not alone. People around them can understand what the experience is like. People can tell them about resources and help that are available in the community.”

“I had nobody here to talk to. I just waited for my husband and stayed home all day.”

<< and emotionally draining, adding to the sense of isolation in Canada.

Problem for seniors, too Unfortunately, sometimes it is the older relatives themselves here in Canada that fall victim to loneliness and isolation. Some senior immigrants are disadvantaged because they cannot speak English, cannot enter the labour market or fi nd a fulfi lling job, and may not even be able to communicate with their grandchildren due to a language barrier.

Indeed, no one is immune to this sense of isolation.

“It affects all age groups, whether it’s youth, children, adults, women, seniors. Everybody is affected,” says Bonnie Wong, executive director of Ontario-based Hong Fook Mental Health Association.

A person’s resilience and the network of family and friends they have in Canada may make a difference on how people integrate, but everyone is affected by the experience of having to adapt to a new culture, language and society, even for outgoing, positive people like Sharma. She explains that during her worst months, she felt so lonely and depressed that even if she had had friends to ask her to go somewhere, she wouldn’t have.

Getting out of isolation According to Wong, those who fail to seek help early on can end up suffering from this feeling for a long time. Even worse, it could lead to clinical depression, stress or anxiety problems. Fortunately for Sharma, with the support of her husband and with her determination to change things, she was able to turn things around positively.

She began to pursue her options here. Having been a teacher in India, Sharma researched and worked at getting her certifi cation in Canada through the Ontario College of Teachers. It was during this process that she found a site for employment services, leading to a turning point for Sharma.

“There was a lady there who helped with my resumé and options for schools to apply to for jobs,” explains Sharma. “I realized it’s not just me who is scared … I’m not the only one who has diffi culties. I’m not alone here. So I felt more encouraged.”

Valade concurs that immigrants like Sharma will feel less isolated when they seek help as Sharma did, especially from settlement organizations that offer a wide range of services from English classes to employment help.

“They’ll fi nd there people capable of understanding what they are going through and people who can help them,” he says. “They will present them with opportunities to better their credentials and to better understand the labour market.”

Just as important, such programs help create a sense of belonging and community. Valade says, “Newcomers are very grateful for the human contact they fi nd there and it defi nitely helps them to overcome some of this loneliness and this feeling of isolation.”

Another avenue that many immigrants like Sharma explore in their search for friends, productivity and better job opportunities is volunteering. “I felt that this was the best option for me to meet people,” says Sharma.

And volunteering provided her with many new experiences. She went on public transportation for the fi rst time in Canada and she got to use her training as a teacher to tutor Canadian students who needed help, but could not afford to hire a tutor.

“This is a way for them to get out of their isolation and start developing their fl uency and social skills and building their self-confi dence, as well as acquiring some sort of experience that they can put on their resumés,” says Valade.

Ten months after landing in Canada, Sharma got her fi rst contract job in Canada at an international high school in Toronto. “This was the moment I gained confi dence,” states Sharma. “I had something to do in Canada.”

As Valade aptly puts it, there is defi nitely a sense of being “derooted” when one moves away from family, friends and the place where one feels at home. However, being brave enough to seek help, to reach out to those closest to you as well as to others you have met is the best way to pull yourself out of isolation and fi nd your proper place in Canada.