QUEERIES

Allowing space for gender and sexuality exploration in the isolation of the pandemic

RAIN MARIE (SHE/THEY) Columnist

March 2020 changed the world in a way that we never would have imagined. Going into quarantine, we all experienced a strong sense of isolation. For young people especially, this change was drastic. Quarantine, whether for better or for worse, forced us all to spend a lot of time with ourselves, naturally promoting self reflection and introspection. We were prompted to reflect on part of ourselves we’ve never looked at — or maybe parts of ourselves we’ve avoided.

Despite the struggles and pain that quarantine presents, in our society we are given few chances to sit with ourselves and our thoughts. We rush to get to the next event, milestone, or achievement. Our western world is structured around the capitalist idea of our worth equalling material and societal achievement. This constant motion wasn’t stopped by lockdown, but like a rest stop on a long hike, it’s nice to take a break and absorb the view around us.

For young people struggling with their sexuality or gender, quarantine allowed space for safe exploration of that. Despite being a natural human instinct, our own thoughts of romance and desire are often repressed — even more so in the mind of a young queer person. In an attempt to survive we will bottle these feelings deep down inside us. Maybe they come up sometimes, maybe we tell ourselves we’ll deal with them later, but the structure of our society really doesn’t allow for proper digestion of these issues.

Gender is a massive spectrum of emotions. It’s a personal and deep journey that people experience in multiple ways. Quarantine allows for a space to self explore, lets us see the parts of us and our gender that may have previously been uncomfortable. The discomfort and societal pressure to stick to the norm still exists, but exploration has become more private and safe when that only person you are spending time with is yourself.

The feelings of isolation that the pandemic created also brought forward the feeling of not wanting to miss out on any future connections. What’s most important to us has been brought to the forefront, and for many of us that something is our connections to other people. Isolation — both caused by emotional repression and the pandemic — is difficult for anyone to experience, and brings forward questions like ‘what am I missing?’ or ‘how much longer do I have to make these connections?’ The fear of coming out is outweighed by the feelings of wanting to connect.

It makes sense that quarantine has led to the growth of online communities; particularly online queer communities. I was very lucky to be exposed to some informative online queer resources and supportive communities in my teens, but many people haven’t had the opportunity until now. As online spaces grow, so do these safe spaces for queer identifying people and people who may be exploring their gender and sexuality. Websites such as TikTok, Discord, Tumblr, and Reddit have allowed these communities to flourish during the pandemic. People can find informative groups and communities in a click and can start exploring these issues within themselves.

Despite all the great things that can come from the internet, there are also conflicts, predators, and misinformation. The internet is a wonderful and helpful thing, but it can also be dangerous and uncontrolled. Diving into these online communities, one may find themselves surrounded by a bunch of scary and unexpected things. Toxic behavior including, but not limited to, gatekeeping, transphobia, homophobia and biphobia, TERF’s (Trans Exclusionary Feminists), and bullying can run rampant in some communities.

Unsafe and inaccurate sex education can be an issue, as many young people go online to find information the school system failed to teach them. Unfortunately, that information is often given to them by other people who were failed by the same system. Safe sex and STI prevention is often mistaught and glossed over for queer people.

As we consume more media and internet pornography, we should acknowledge that many depictions of queer relations are inaccurate. Lots of queer media is either written by cisgendered straight people or is aimed towards a straight audience — meaning that queer media can sometimes fail to represent us accurately. It’s hard to depict queer relationships without the oversight of multiple queer voices. Luckily we can still find good resources, helpful people, and positive information within these communities.

It is no surprise that over the course of lockdown, coming out and self exploration has flourished. With the growth of online communities, time for self reflection, and slightly less societal pressure, queer communities have flourished and grown. Proper research and keeping space to keep yourself safe is essential to keep in mind when entering this journey. Always put yourself first and remember that everyone goes on this journey at their own pace.

Mauvey (he/him) is an alternative musical artist who blends various genres into creative, authentic expressions of love. His latest project, a mixtape titled The Florist, was released in late 2021, accompanied by a short film. Born in Ghana, but raised in the UK and so-called Vancouver, Mauvey continues to push the boundaries of the local and international music scene all while spreading love.

Q: How does love influence and or guide your art? How is this expressed in your most recent project, “The Florist”?

M: Love is the reason I quit everything else I was doing in my life, to focus on music. It really is the entire driving force. I want to experiment, I want to genre bend. I want to get on the biggest possible stages, all so I can just tell people, “hey, look, you’re important, I love you.” I wanted to make big radio friendly — easy to communicate songs, to communicate it to the most amount of people. With the project, I created a short film to go alongside it. Each of the characters are so extreme, they're not exactly me. But they are extreme versions of all parts of me. I’m trying to show each character’s love story, which is what it really is. They’re all different.

Q: I think we all define love differently, so what is the meaning of love to you? How do you define it personally?

M: To me that’s an impossible question — my whole goal in life is to try and distribute love. But to try and communicate the meaning of it is too much for me. I respect love so much that I think it’s too much for me to try and define it or to give it any particular meaning. I really feel like people don’t respect love enough. I think that they think they can just put it in a box, “this is what it means.” It has so many facets and some are rational, some are irrational. In some ways there’s a toxicity to the idea of unconditional love. If I had to answer the question, I would say it's everything. There’s so many facets, so many layers, so many variables, so many things to consider. I want people to feel loved, I want people to know they are important. I say that in every single show; “you’re important.” Because they need to know how crucially and uniquely important they are. So, for me, that’s distributing love.

Q: The shade mauve dominates your aesthetic, how is your aesthetic and the shade of mauve an expression of your authentic self? Or an aspect of your authentic self?

M: Realistically, that’s the question. It is myself. I’m obsessed with all shades of purple and when I dove into mauve, to me it’s the hardest colour to define. Is it a bit blue? A bit purple? A bit silver? It’s so many different things. And when you look at my music, is it a bit pop? A bit R&B? Or a bit soulful or afro? It is me as an artist. It’s the first thing, beyond my actual name, that made the most sense to me. Where my music is a bit this and that, I just said the phrase, “it’s a bit mauvey.” I felt so at home,, I felt “this is me.” My goal beyond talking about it, is to unofficially own as many shades of purple as possible. So whether you love me or hate me, love my music, hate my music, like my views, hate my views — when you see any shade of purple, you have to think about me.

Q: What was the creative process for “The Florist” like? And throughout the creative process, what was the most transformative moment and why?

M: I wanted to be myself above all. As an artist, I don't have a particular box that fit into, so I wanted to make a string of songs that have one consistent line through it, that is love, relationships. That’s what’s carrying through, at least lyrically. All I’ve done is dress those stories in different genres, sonically. You might hear a rocky guitar, or something that is more R&B and soulful. I think the transformative moment was when writing “Irrational.” I’ve spent so much of my life as a people pleaser. I still struggle with that, but it was really cathartic to let myself know “you know what, I am who I am.” And irrational sometimes, is who I am. I’m only at this point now because I dreamed irrationally, to think that out of millions of people I could get a record deal, out of millions of people, I could play at a festival. So why do I punish myself, or buy into people’s opinions and judgements about how I live my life and make my decisions? That was a turning point. I never meant for it to be a mixtape as well, I was just in the zone recording a bunch of songs and when I put them all together they worked because I was in a very consistent frame of mind. Then I thought, “I’m just going to put these all out and at the end of the year into a mixtape.”

Q: How do you think you would present love in an upcoming project? How would you explore love in a different way?

M: I have a debut album coming out at the end of next year and I’m filming a feature film to go along with the album, creating a theater show to be a moving part to my tour.. There’s an idea to communicate in a bit of a different way. That’s the most that I can say right now. The main thing with this whole thing is communication, “how do I communicate this message, the most effectively to the most amount of people?” There's things that don’t change that one can do on an everyday basis. That’s being kind, saying thank you, telling people you love them, telling people they are important. There is a very everyday way to do what I’m doing that doesn’t need enormous creative thought, and schemes, and projects. It’s day in and day out, I just get to do music as a bonus.

Q: If you could show love to your past self or your childhood self, what would be the primary way that you would be doing that now?

M: I would actually tell myself the things I’m telling other people, “you are important.” And being kinder to myself. Someone asked me the other day what’s the difference between you and the Mauvey project? I really thought about it and in order for the Mauvey project to be a thing, I don’t sleep, I don’t eat a lot, I’m constantly travelling, I don’t invest incredibly heavily in my personal relationships, all because I'm trying to build this thing so I can communicate to more people. So I would definitely say your mental health is really important. To my younger self, “it’s okay to actually take some time out.” That “you’re not going to upset this person if you don’t do this and if you do that’s okay.'' The main thing would be to communicate and that it's actually okay to prioritize yourself at some point in this journey.