W E L L Y
A N G E L
What would Deirdre do?
and be open and happy and fun to be with. There should be no need for choosing or compromising. Keep the involvement up with them both and don’t be a grouch! It is hard for your brother too.
A DV I C E F RO M D E I R D R E TA R R A N T
W HO A M I ?
L O N G WA I T B Y T H E I N B OX
My cousins want to find out more about their birth parents, but their adoptive mother, my aunt, is against it. Is it their right to push for it, or should they wait until she has gone? Gang of cousins, Strathmore
I’ve sent greeting cards lately to various acquaintances, for a 50th wedding anniversary, an ex’s birthday and a “get well soon” situation. Each one required a trip to the card shop, selecting from dozens of options and writing a personal note. None of the recipients responded. I’m disappointed. What’s the protocol for responding to greeting cards? Old school, Karori Surely it is all in the giving? It is lovely to get cards and notes from people, but the etiquette surrounding them is fading indeed. It is great that you made the effort, but I don’t think there are protocols any longer to follow or expectations to be delivered on. The satisfaction may be all on your side.
Tricky. I feel that everyone needs to be on the same page – your cousins clearly are keen to discover, meet, and have time to consider and possibly build a relationship with their biological parents. Their parenting mother needs to be informed, consulted, and ideally comfortable. If she persists in saying no, maybe they should indicate that they are going to start the process but would like her to say when? Hard for her too but moving forward needs to happen with lots of assurances and support for her. Take time.
J E A L OU SY D OU B L E D
E X I T T H R OU G H T H E O P SHO P
My twin brother and I have become estranged. We have always been close and hung out together a lot. The difficulty has come about with his new partner who, in my assessment, struggles with our close relationship, and is isolating him from his family. The result is we are not seeing each other and I miss him in my life. I have suggested a few activities without the partner, and my brother has agreed, but then it causes him trouble at home. I think my brother ought to choose whomever he wants, but is it my job to worry about the consequences for him and keep away or just keep involving him in my life? Caring and sharing, Titahi Bay
Is a handmade present superior to something bought new from a shop? And is it okay to find something in an op shop, for example, a substantial glass vase, and present it without saying it was an op shop find? Savvy shopper, Lower Hutt A gift is a gift and surely it is the spirit of giving and the thought that counts? Choose a gift that you think will be appreciated by the recipient – new, second-hand or homemade are all good! Whether you would like it yourself is always a litmus test.
It seems you are really concerned. Try to keep your own relationship with your brother and to also include the partner at times. Support their partnership and your brother’s choice of a close friend too. Being siblings never changes. Be there,
If you’ve got a burning question for Deirdre, email angel@capitalmag.co.nz with Capital Angel in the subject line.
98
