‘And Another Thing…’
These are Hands not Wands
byVince Nolan
The above statement caught my eye recently. I think it is a fab thing to say to somebody who is being overly demanding or unrealistic with what they are asking one for. I intend using it a lot in the near future (under my breath of course). Talking of which, The Leader of the Opposition and I recently sallied forth (or possibly fifth) to the new Bristol Zoo known as The Wild Place Project. Highly recommend a visit even though it is a work in progress. 40 acres and a long walk but worth every step. The first thing we came across was a loaf in a cage. Apparently, it was bread in captivity. We also watched an antelope. We had never seen an insect run off to get married before. Aren’t animals clever though? We observed a deer writing with his left and right hooves. We think he was bambidextrous. Here’s a flavour of who lives there.
Staying with bears, what do Winnie the Pooh and Alexander the Great have in common? Same middle name. Before I go any further, I wish to state that we are big fans of our Police who do 10 CARDIFF TIMES
an impossible job every day and keep coming back for more. However, I have been following Gwent Police (there’s a role reversal for you), who have discovered bones at St. Woolos Cemetery in Newport. Must have been a quiet shift. I have just read a very funny and modestly written autobiography by comedian Harry Hill. Highly recommend that too. At one point he talks about teenagers’ inability to be parted from their phones for more than five seconds. He says: “When I grew up the phone was not glued to our ears, it was glued to the wall!” How appropriate. Let’s talk about the economy. Oh go on, you know you want to. We are of course all fed up to the back teeth with politicians of whatever party but I am more interested in how the current free-fall economy is affecting the Nolan Towers budget. She Who Must Be Obeyed and I recently travelled to a well-known Gower beach. I know, I spoil that woman. Whilst not pushing the boat out (we don’t have a boat and the tide was out anyway), I purchased two coffees and two ham rolls from a beach café for £15! What is the world coming to I thought to myself, or words to that effect. At a different catering establishment, the following week I noticed hot dogs for £6 each. I said to the guy: “You are charging an ill octopus for one hot dog” (sick squid) which was wasted on him but not on you of course. However, this morphed into £7.20 if you wanted onions and I could only imagine what the tomato ketchup might have added to the bill. I know times are hard but stop extracting the urine please. I suppose that the great thing about inflation is that if you
