Caribbean Vybes Issue # 4 by Caribbean Vybes Magazine

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Savour the flavour of Kittitian cuisine with our succulent mouth-watering appetizers and meals. We also serve freshly baked bread, cheesecakes, pastries, desserts, and hot and cold beverages. Satisfy your appetite and relax in a cozy and friendly environment. Serving you is our delight! Open from 7:30 a.m. â&#x20AC;&#x201C; 6: 30 p.m.

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Creditsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; Page CEO: GOD

Avion C. Thomas

Kiandra Nichelle McCray

Aarti Gosine

Cover Model

Photographer of T&T pics

Instagram: @kianachelle

Also a contributing writer

Cover Photographer & Creative Director Instagram: @athomasphotography www.avionthomasphotography.com

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Contributors and Article Pages Publishers Page: Page 9 The Joys of Motherhood Page: 11 Interview with Makeup Artist Donella Dias: Page 16 Cover Story: Queen Merlene: Page 33

Devrone Connor talks life and family Page: 37

Depression â&#x20AC;&#x201C; What Women Should Know by Aarti Gosine Page 26

Marriageâ&#x20AC;Śan enjoyable difficult Live Pain-Free By Dr. Skerritt - Page 62

journey By Adelcia Ferlance Page 58

When love hurts By Jeweleen Manners-Woodley Pg 51

Time to Call The Doctor

Shatter your mental

Is This Pain Normal? Pg 48

ceiling by Lady Eloise Pg 21

Relationships- Do They Matter? By Novelette Morton Pg 40

By Merita-Tyrell Mitchell

Trinidad and Tobago Carnival Pictures â&#x20AC;&#x201C; Pages 13, 14, 30, 31, 44, 45, 46, 47 Praying Grandmothers vs. Modern Grandmothers - Page 67

Special Thanks to our Caribbean Vybes Team, Contributing Writers and Partners NAGICO, Fancy Deli Delight, & PeCarty Designs. If you wish to promote your brand or business, feel free to contact us at: caribbeanvybesmagazine@gmail.com

PeCarty Designs will reveal a stunning collection in our upcoming issue. Donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t you miss it!

Publisher’s Page Happy International Women’s Day. The United Nation’s International Women’s Day theme is: Women in the Changing World of Work: Planet 5050 by 2030. Additionally, Happy Mother’s Day when it comes to mothers who reside in the United Kingdom.

Often, I am asked why I publish an online magazine. I do so because there are many pertinent matters that need to be communicated. Furthermore, wherever in the world you are, know that there are many other individuals, who are going through the same thing. However, we wouldn’t know if we do not share our stories.

Though the United Nation has its theme, our Caribbean Vybes theme for this issue is Resilience.

with the world as a young woman. I wrote it as an ignorant version of myself. I say ignorant because I was clueless about the powerful impact, of a testimony. I knew testimonies were inspiring but didn’t realise the extent. I was astonished by the influx of readers who wanted to share their stories. That is why one of Caribbean Vybes objectives is to educate, inspire, and empower. Do not discount that oblivious stage that as women we all go through. It’s part of our rite of passage before we receive insight and wisdom.

Many years ago, I published my autobiography. It was something that I figured I would write once I lived to an old age. However, I was prompted to share it

It is important to develop our character. It’s during a crisis that our true character is revealed. I don’t subscribe to faking it until you make it. Life will expose the fakeness 9

before you achieve your fullest potential. I believe in being honest first. Be honest with yourself. It is only then will you find your source of strength to advance.

Develop your character so that whether you are in a home with wooden floors and wallpaper or in a mansion with chandeliers your character is admirable. You do not need fancy clothes to build your character.

Our cover model and our Creative Director Avion Thomas, brilliantly captured the

theme. I want you to be more resilient. Stay focused. Value yourself more. Make choices that will give you peace of mind.

What’s your personal mission? Whatever it is, just know that there are a group of women who support you.

You are loved dearly. We do not need to meet in person for you to be reminded. You’re created by a phenomenal and loving Creator. Therefore, on International Women’s Day, embrace the love! Cheers!

MOSI Publisher Caribbean Vybes Website: mosi.online

The “Joys” of Motherhood Caribbean Vybes Article Dedicated to all the mothers

Motherhood is nothing more and nothing

have known that giving birth was not quite

less than a totally uncharted voyage. There

that easily quantified though when the

are no maps, no compass, no nothing. There

Doctor gave me an expected due date and

are lots of persons going around spouting

said “It could be two weeks before or two

platitudes and pretending to really know

weeks after”. In effect giving himself a whole

something but when it boils down to it, the

month in which to be right, which translates

only teacher is experience. You have to find

to the simple fact that he had no idea when

your own way and some of the time you are

the baby was going to be born and his guess

going to feel more like you are drowning

was as good as mine. Compared to almost

than swimming.

every other branch of medical science, this is one inexact field and much of it still

When I first got pregnant I was all excited

smacks of the witch doctor casting spells.

and expended a tremendous amount of effort and energy on acquiring the right books.

Silly me, I thought that reading

would prepare me for the actuality of the situation. So I went and wasted my money buying books and doing all the reading on what to expect when that day of giving birth (which is shrouded in total mystery until you’ve passed through it) comes. I should

Then came what can be characterised as some of the best days of my life. People actually were complimenting me on how well I looked and inquiring into my health and that of the baby’s. My ever-expanding belly also became public property to be touched, stroked and complimented by anyone who felt like doing it. My presence 11

would draw solicitous murmurs and my

and imposes draconian measures on your

taking the elevator one floor up or down was

freedom and tyrannically controls your

seen as a non-issue (a good feeling I must

every move. Of course, your baby is the

say). Well, all good things must come to an

smartest and prettiest that there ever was

end and this did so abruptly with the birth

and woe betide anyone who does not share

of the baby. My health and looks were once

that opinion. Your life now revolves entirely

again relegated to non-factors in the minds

around the baby who leaves you exhausted

of the people and everyone instead asked

but strangely happy as you marvel at

about the baby.

yourself for having participated in one of the enduring miracles of the ages. You also quickly come to the realisation that when

Now, let us just mention a little something about that day of giving birth, just enough to say I would not wish it on my worst enemy and there has to be a better way and modern

you became a mother you made a pact to never again be free to rest when weary or sleep when sleepy as long as the baby is awake.

science would better get busy finding it. Everyone is talking about finding the cure for

Aids,

Cancer

etc..

Somebody,

However, along with that responsibility

somewhere, somehow, please find a cure for

comes the unparalleled joy of seeing your

labour and they will have done womankind

child grow up and having learnt to speak, say

the greatest favour of all time.

with unfeigned love â&#x20AC;&#x153;Mommy, I love youâ&#x20AC;?. Now, that is something that is far more valuable than all the money in the world.

The new-born, constantly crying, always hungry and in need of changing baby comes

Childrenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Carnival We featured costumes from St. Kitts and Nevis Carnival in Issue #3. We now share with you costumes from the recent Trinidad and Tobago Carnival in this issue. The photographer is Aarti Gosine, one of our contributing writers.

Interview with Makeup Artist Donella K. Dias

What is your name? My name is Donella K. Dias. Most of my friends call me Nella.

As a little girl, what did you want to be when you grow up? Growing up, I watched any TV show/series that had to do with law or crime because I always loved the way those women looked in their suits and heels and I wanted to be one of them. However, after some serious soulsearching I realised that kind of profession was not for me.

What influenced you to become a makeup artist? Currently I am in the media field but I do

makeup on weekends.

the

even more during my early 20s.

Like any true makeup addict, my interest in makeup artistry began long before my career. As a little girl, I would always wear my mother's red lipstick, with a little bit of face powder and dark red blushesâ&#x20AC;&#x201D; of course, especially when she wasnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t at home. Throughout my teenage years, I saved money to buy makeup and practised during my leisure but I was never good at it then.

When did you start taking your passion seriously?

What age were you when you developed a love for makeup? I have to say it probably started during my teenage years, but it grew

It was not until after I had entered my first pageant that I decided to become a professional makeup artist. That was about 6 years ago.

How many have you doing this?

years been

I have been doing makeup for over 6 years now

Who taught you? I took a local beauty and makeup workshop that was held here and after that I would always read up on 17

application techniques and watch a lot of YouTube videos after that I realised I had to gain more knowledge about this industry, so I sought online certification and it really taught me lot. Do you have any role models in your field? I do actually. Her name is Jackie Aina. She’s a YouTuber from Los Angeles. I started following her once I discovered YouTube tutorials. She inspires me a lot not only as a black woman, but also because she showed me to always carry that positive light with you and that no matter where you come from it is possible to become anything you want to be especially when there are a lot of

persons telling you that you can’t do it.

If you were given the opportunity to do makeup for two individuals from anywhere in the world, who would you choose and why? Oh wow! Having to cut it down to just two, I would have to say Taraji P. Henson because she’s one of my favourite TV stars and one of the biggest Hollywood actresses out there right now. I just love her face and her skin is just flawless and I feel like I could really add my own touch of magic. My next pick would have to be Fantasia. She’s one of my favourite singers from my era and she has the perfect full lips for applying lipstick.

Who are some of the people that you’ve worked with? I’ve worked a lot in pageantry and behind the scenes at photoshoots I’ve worked with at least 4 Miss National Carnival Queens.

I’ve also worked with Haynes Smith Caribbean Talented Teen, Miss Culture, Miss Caribbean Culture, Miss Caribbean Tourism and some of the local 18

community pageants throughout the years.

I think my best job was when I got the chance to work with up and coming recording artiste Deanna out of Anguilla. It was really exciting working with her. I love her spirit and she’s also a friend. What are your favourite colours? My favourite colours are green and red, in that order.

What advice would you give to women? My biggest tip? Believe in yourself. Don’t ever let anyone tell you that you can’t! Plan your future, and then go for it. Everything is possible!

What would you like readers to know about you? Well the first thing I want everybody to know is that I am a Mama! I have a 7year-old and she’s the light of my life.

I was born and raised in the beautiful federation of St. KittsNevis. I come from a very large family, my family is just huge.

I grew up in a small community. I am from Boyds Village but I currently reside in Sandy Point. I have 7 brothers and 6 sisters, but I am the eldest girl.

I am a Freelance Makeup Artist and you can find me on almost every single social media outlet under the handle MUADonellaD.

Beyond makeup, I really enjoy reading, relaxing at the beach, politics, history, teaching makeup, learning new things and just being the best mother I can be. I want to be the best role model for my daughter.

I love makeup artistry and wouldn’t have chosen another career for myself. 19

Makeup artistry really combines skill, creativity, a certain amount of science and a requirement for emotional intelligence.

At present the services that I provide are on site makeup application including: bridal and wedding parties, airbrush makeup, editorial, print, special occasions and photo shoots.

My dream is to receive advanced certification in Canada focusing mainly on Special FX Makeup as I am always eager to learn new things. This I believe would afford me the opportunity to realise many of my goals.

my favourite beauty companies.

I also have a dream to create my own beauty school right here in my country and eventually own a makeup line. Also on the list is my goal of taking my service to the Hollywood scene and working with celebrities.

In the not too distant future, I would love to become a brand ambassador for one

Shatter Your Mental ‘Glass Ceiling.' By Lady Eloise

“Teach your daughters to worry less about fitting into glass slippers and more about shattering glass ceilings.” “YOU are CONFINED only by the WALLS you build YOURSELF.”

As a mother of three amazing girls, I take my role of inspiration and leadership, seriously. Every month, I would stalk Pinterest boards in search of ‘that’ quote to print and stick on the girls’ bathroom mirror for inspiration. I would encourage them to memorize affirmations, and inspirational music of all genres bounces off my walls on the daily. When the shopping bug bites me, I will stock up on books, or even silly t-shirts that read, ‘Dream big’ or ‘My future is bright.' It is always my goal to create an enabling environment for them to grow, advance their worldviews and to always see the cup as half-full as oppose to half-empty. My penchant for raising three confident women has inspired this article. Unfortunately, it has also seeded in me a

twisted obsession with Pinterest. I am a bonafide Pinterest-acholic (laughs). “YOU are CONFINED only by the WALLS you build YOURSELF.” It resonated with me. Quickly, I photocopied the quote and stuck it on my bathroom mirror as well. This set me thinking about the ‘glass ceiling,' ‘glass cage,' or ‘glass wall’; whatever your preference. Then my mind meandered to the diverse challenges women have epically battled for decades, many times yielding to defeat. And is still battling. Only the battle is becoming easier. But what does the ‘glass ceiling’ mean? Does it apply to you, queen sister? What are your thoughts?

According to the definition from Merriam-Webster, the glass ceiling is “an intangible barrier within a hierarchy that prevents women or minorities from obtaining upper-level positions.” The US Department of Labor documented in one of its reports, “it is invisible – but impenetrable - the barrier between women and the executive suite, preventing them from reaching the highest levels of the business world regardless of their accomplishments and merits.” Simply put without all that jazz, the glass ceiling is any barrier, obstacle, or hurdle infringing women’s advancement. Period. Whether it is in sports, technology, politics, medicine, manufacturing, media, finance, philanthropy, business, science or entrepreneurship. Undeniably, we have made some inroads, but there is still some ways to go.

Who is impacted? Women and minorities are the ones who faces the implications of the ‘glass ceiling.' The US Department of Labor says 97% of senior managers of Fortune 1000 and Fortune 500 companies are white males. Just 5% of senior managers are females – and they are also white. Irrefutably, women are one of the most underutilized and subjugated resources in the world, regardless of their qualifications and achievements. If we continue to discount this fact, there would be too many opportunities left

unexploited on the table, and way too many problems still unsolved. So, what are some key challenges for women the world-over?

Ageism. Age discrimination impacts both men and women but seems far worse for women. This is a pervasive attitude of discrimination or unfair treatment of an individual due to their age; an unfortunate ‘mash-up’ between sexism and ageism. This judgment tolerates women being patronized, insulted, disregarded or underestimated. Ageism can affect women of all colors, ethnicities, socioeconomic backgrounds and aptitudes.

The deck is stacked, particularly against older women and we have to address this pattern. This facet of discrimination can paralyze a woman’s confidence, her job prospects, her financial situation and her overall quality of life. Personally, women whether on the younger side or, the older side of the age spectrum - and their contribution to society should be celebrated. It seems the stereotyping is slowly waning; now with the emergence of cosmetic surgery, women leading healthier lifestyles and hey, we are cougars now!

Experience and qualifications. Unquestionably, society is obsessed with 22

compartmentalizing rather than integrating our women; regardless of our merit. We continue to witness that over half of graduating classes are now women. Increasingly, women are acquiring more degrees than men, yet we are not sitting at the table. It is sometimes frustrating; we are experiencing an upward trajectory in educational achievement and the workforce, yet, our upward mobility into the ‘upper crust’ of management, is cordoned off.

In addition to this, most women unlike most men, lack a sponsor who will ‘bat’ for them, helping them promote their skills and abilities, to the organization decisionmakers. Notwithstanding, the damaging perception of gender stereotypes and gender communication differences on the job. Also, challenges aren’t just at the top – challenges run the gamut of the workplace. It is unwritten, but society has several boxes and women are placed in one or the other. Yes, women can be older or younger and quite productive. Yes, we are mothers and caretakers, but that makes us all the more qualified to sit at the table. Yes, we are pretty but so are we educated, smart, studious and industrious. Yes, we are women, and we deserve our same-gendered role models. This way of thinking may exacerbate the third challenge.

Motherhood. Ah! The quintessential double-edged sword that so many women today have fought, ducked, jabbed at and sidestepped. Should a woman choose between motherhood and pursuing a successful career? Can us women have it all, queen sisters? This never-ending dialogue began in the 1980’s when the term ‘glass ceiling’ was first introduced. This move was fueled back when women occupied vacant work slots left by men fighting in WWI and WWII. Then came the F-word (feminism) and its movement when women began protesting for equal rights on the job, reproductive rights, and relationship equality. This initial step catapulted women’s mindset to not settling and wanting a more meaningful life.

We are no longer satisfied with being barefooted and pregnant. We have a contribution to make. Women are braving the workforce to help our husbands/partners make ends meet. Another norm, most households are now headed by women. Thus the majority of us aren’t left with a choice. We have to keep the lights on, we have to keep milk in the refrigerator, and we have to ensure our children are happy. We have to keep it moving. Over time, we have blossomed into maestros in that elaborate dance of work, children, school, church, and community. However, your variables may fall. I may burst a bubble or two, but 23

whether you do or do not have children, you’re still a woman, and that factor alone makes it traditionally difficult to infiltrate a male-dominated society.

Lack of role models. More than ever, women need female role models. Unlike men, having a gender-matched role model is crucial for women. In a recent issue of Psychology of Women Quarterly, the findings revealed that a woman’s selfesteem could be boosted by a female role model with a similar career path. Also, 75% of men too gravitated to someone of said gender. However, the men didn’t report that gender was an influential factor. There are relatively few, visible female role models out there but we need more, specifically to empower the upcoming generation of women.

Sometimes when I need a reminder that it is possible to crack that ‘glass ceiling,' I would peruse the Forbes list of The World’s 100 Most Powerful Women. That’s 100 examples, 100 times the ‘glass ceiling’ has been smashed. I am thrilled with the 2016 candidates which include Hillary Clinton, Presidential candidate of the United States; Janet Yellen, Chair of the Federal Reserve of the United States; and Christine Lagarde, Managing Director of the International Monetary Fund. Some of my other role models are

Michelle Obama and Oprah Winfrey. Or I just acknowledge my mother.

Waging war against your Mental Glass Ceiling. I do not see a ‘glass ceiling’ per say. What I perceive are societal gender dynamics that women have to face and some of these dynamics are hundreds of years, if not centuries old. There is hope. Everything is evolving: technology, transportation, fashion, food, mannerisms, the ideology of love? - So too is the gender landscape evolving, just be patient. In the meantime, however, our mobilization in this male-dominated pool is dependent on us, queen sisters. We are our limitation. We are confined only by the walls we build ourselves. I know it may sound cliché, but it has been proven time and time again. 24

It took us years to impact the wage gap, but we did; it took years to the right to vote (1920); we refused to give up our seat and set the stage for the end of segregation and the beginning of full Civil Rights for Blacks (Rosa Parks, 1955). We successfully transformed the role of First Lady (Eleanor Roosevelt, 1936); we founded the American Red Cross (Clara Barton, 1881); and we launched the New Women’s Movement (Betty Friedan, 1963). These are some of my favorite women-led historical breakthroughs, but the list of pioneer women is quite interesting.

My belief. I am trained to problem-solve. I do not wallow in the issue. Instead, I change my circumstance. I focus on what has been working and how to build on that achievement. It’s 2017, and it appears the ‘glass ceiling’ hype has somewhat fizzled. It’s not that I have become socially insensitive but that the ‘glass ceiling’ has converted to such a bastardized, misleading metaphor; I nonchalantly equate it to another obstacle I have no choice but to overcome. I am not naïve, as women, we have to work ten times harder than our male counterparts to achieve the bare minimum. Nonetheless, I am confident there are no doors women cannot unlock. We do not want to act like a man or think like a man – we just want to make our unique impressions.

Queens, that inner drive to not give up on our passion and aim for that ‘glass ceiling’? It’s all in our minds. Compared to how determined we are to lose weight for an upcoming reunion or to quit a bad habit, so too we have to wage war against our mental ‘glass ceilings,’ by overcoming all internal limitations. We are more empowered than we were two decades ago and tackling gender biases is commonplace and has plateaued. The paradigm is shifting from a dialogue about equality, diversity or inclusiveness to one of intrinsic self-actualization (Maslow’s hierarchy of needs). The ‘glass ceiling’ is a mental hurdle and not just a structural one. All that said, the ‘glass ceiling’ will always be easier to smash when others are bludgeoning it insync with us. “It is past time for women to take their rightful place, side by side with men” Hillary Clinton, US Senator. Probably, for our next hurdle, we should be reaching out to our dads, brothers, uncles, grandfathers, husbands/partners, our sons and male cousins; unraveling their unconscious biases so they can ‘bat’ on our behalves. Queen sisters, we have to engage the men in our lives to start that conversation where we are concerned, to help us remove some of these impediments for us to soar. Happy International Women’s Day. #BeBoldForChange #EncouragingYouToLiveInspired 25

Depression – What Women Should Know By Aarti Gosine

“If you know someone who’s depressed please resolve never to ask them why. Depression isn’t a straightforward response to a bad situation; depression just IS, like the weather. Try to understand the blackness, lethargy, hopelessness and loneliness they’re going through. Be there for them when they come through the other side. It’s hard to be a friend to someone who’s depressed, but it is one of the kindest, noblest and best things you will ever do.” – Stephen Fry

Many of us who suffer from clinical depression, bipolar depression, schizophrenia and other similar “unseen” ailments are all too familiar with the following statements and questions, - Why are you depressed? You have such a great life. - Are you sure you’re ill? You don’t look ill - Just snap out of it. Everyone feels sad sometime. What many people don’t understand is that depression is different from sadness. It is a medical condition that can affect how you feel, think and handle daily activities like sleeping, eating or working. Depression is more common in women than in men. There may be many

reasons for that such as biological, hormonal or social factors that are unique to woman. Another reason may be that women are more open to seeking help for their symptoms than men and so it is recorded that it affects women more than men. In this article we will examine some common things that everyone should know about depression in women. 1. Depression is a real medical condition – it is a very serious mood disorder and can interfere with your ability to work, sleep, study, eat and enjoy life. Some of the causes of depression may be a combination of genetic, biological, environmental and psychological factors. It may be caused by an imbalance of 26

hormones in the brain. One of these hormones is serotonin. Serotonin is regarded by some researchers as a chemical that is responsible for maintaining mood balance, and that a deficiency of serotonin leads to depression. Depression is not a sign of a person’s weakness or character flaw and it is not something you can just ‘snap’ out of. If you think you may have depression, start by making an appointment to see your doctor or health care provider.

2. Depression can literally hurt – sadness is only a small part of depression. A person with depression my experience many physical symptoms such as aches or pains, headaches, cramps or digestive problems. Some sufferers may also have trouble with sleeping, waking up in the morning and feeling tired.

3. There are some types of depression that are unique to women; a. Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD) – this is a more severe form of Premenstrual Syndrome (PMS). Some of the symptoms are irritability, anger, depressed mood,

sadness, suicidal thoughts, appetite changes, bloating, breast tenderness, and joint or muscle pain.

b. Perinatal Depression Perinatal depression is depression during or after (postpartum) pregnancy. Perinatal depression is much more serious than the “baby blues.” The feelings of extreme sadness, anxiety, and exhaustion that accompany perinatal depression may make it difficult to complete daily care activities for a new mom and/or her baby. If you think you have perinatal depression, you should talk to your doctor or a trained mental health care professional.

c. Perimenopausal Depression - Perimenopause (the transition into menopause) is a normal phase in a woman’s life that can sometimes be challenging. If you are going through perimenopause, you might be experiencing abnormal periods, problems sleeping, mood swings, and 27

hot flashes. It is a myth that it is “normal” to feel depressed. If you are struggling with irritability, anxiety, sadness, or loss of enjoyment at the time of the menopause transition, you may be experiencing perimenopausal depression.

1. Talk about your feelings face-toface with someone who can listen 2. Avoid isolation—make quality time with positive others a priority 3. Move your body frequently—don't sit for more than an hour 4. Make it a point to get plenty of natural sunlight 5. Practice relaxation techniques

d. Depression affects each woman differently - Some women experience only a few symptoms. Others have many. The severity and frequency of symptoms, and how long they last, will vary depending on the individual and her particular illness. Symptoms may also vary depending on the stage of the illness.

4. Depression can be treated - Even the most severe cases of depression can be treated. Depression is commonly treated with medication, psychotherapy (sometimes called talk therapy) or a combination of both.

Although you can’t ‘just snap out of it’, here are some techniques that you can use to alleviate some of the symptoms;

6. Get all the restful sleep that you need to feel your best—often that is 7-9 hours Sometimes a change in your diet can also offer some relief from the symptoms of depression; •

Changes to your diet may help reduce symptoms. Cutting back on salt, fatty foods, caffeine, and alcohol is recommended. Eating plenty of complex carbohydrates is also recommended.

•

Vitamin B-6, calcium, magnesium, Vitamin E, and tryptophan have all been shown to benefit women suffering from PMDD

•

Evening primrose oil and chaste tree berry are herbal supplements that have both been studied and found to be effective in the treatment of PMDD.

Depression affects each individual differently. There is no “one-size-fits-all” for treatment. It may take some trial and 28

error to find the treatment that works best. Have faith in your doctor or therapist. Although it may feel like you canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t escape the black cloud that is enveloping you, you can! Women are fighters, so show depression how strong you are and that you cannot be overcome.

While all my co-workers would be eager for our lunch break, I just sat and stared at my food, not wanting to eat. I could not laugh at their jokes nor participate in any activities. I felt as though there was a dark cloud surrounding me and I could not feel happy about anything.

My personal experience

A relationship that ended badly was the trigger for the start of my depression. I remember sleeping for four days, only getting up to eat when I was forced. When I finally dragged myself to work, I could not stop crying. I felt so weak that could not concentrate on my duties and my performance level dropped drastically.

My close friend in the office realized what was happening and took me to see a psychiatrist. After trying different combinations of medications I found myself feeling lighter and happier. I am still on medications after 15 years as these meds have allowed me to lead an almost normal life. The depression never ever goes away but over the years I have learnt how to deal with the periods of sadness.

Trinidad and Tobago Carnival Traditional Mas Photos by Aarti Gosine

Queen Merlene

Cover Story

Queen Merlene Connor and son Devrone Connor

Devrone Connor is an open minded and engaging young man. He is a brilliant conversationalist and his warm spirit is captivating.

If you do not know him personally or if no one tells you, you will be unaware that he was born with the inability to walk. He doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t let it define who is and what he has to offer to the world. He is a graduate

of the Clarence Fitzroy Bryant College with an Associate of Arts in General Studies.

Devroneâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s self-assurance stems from the fact that he comes from a loving family and was raised by a powerful mother. At this moment, there is no one I can think of that epitomizes our theme Resilience

more than Devrone Connor’s mom, Merlene Connor. As a woman, we all have our challenges. It does not matter where on the globe you are located. However, if we’re honest with ourselves we will realise how childish we have been in our whining and immature in our thinking as we parade in our cloaks of defeatism as if it’s Joseph’s coat of many colours.

We’re ready to quit at the least sign of something happening that is contrary to what we had planned. It drizzled instead of the sun warming our face. We call our boss to say we’ll be late. Or we may take the day off. After all, the drizzle may turn into a heavy downpour and the heavy downpour may turn into a hurricane that no weather forecaster had seen coming. If we look outside, we’d notice that the ground hardly looks wet as the shower was so light. We like to exaggerate things.

We failed a course, that we studied for many years. Instead of doing it again, we tell ourselves it is not worth it. Why resit a two-hour exam when we can lament for the rest of our lives that we spent three years studying and the entire universe conspired to see us fail? Lamenting is a famous past time for many. The time lamenting could have been better spent preparing.

We complain that we were stuck in traffic for 5 minutes! Five long minutes!!! We never stop to thank God that we are alive. The people who had the accident, so wished they were stuck in five-minute traffic to prevent the accident.

We even complain about even having nothing to complain about.

Having the ability to walk in the highest stilettos, like the fashion models doesn’t mean we are necessarily equipped to walk in another woman’s shoes.

Throughout the years, Merlene or Merle as she's affectionately known, has been Devrone’s source of transportation; from her protective arms, to her shoulder whilst he attended primary school. As he is older she carries him on her back.

When Devrone attended high school and the C.F.B College, Merle travelled with him on her back, lifted him in the bus and lifted him out when they would arrive at their destination many miles later. At both high school and college was a wheelchair which Devrone used to transport himself around the. She would go to work at a nursery and after working hours she would repeat the process. So, every working day, she did this in the morning and in the afternoon. Merlene 34

has other children and has been doing this for over 20 years.

There are five traits that I wish to highlight about resilient people.

Their home is not on the main road but approximately two hundred yards which is about 600 feet from the bus route. It is impractical to use a wheel chair as Merle has to step on stones along the journey. When it rains, there is a constant flow of water. Failing or falling is not an option. She would make her way uphill and climb the steps to get to the bus stop.

Sense of purpose

Devrone has since competed his studies at CFBC and only leaves home for pleasure due to his difficulties in obtaining employment.

To be resilient you must have a driving force that compels you to do what you do. For Merle, it was ensuring that Devrone received an education and be the best person he can possible be.

Determination Determination is another trait of resilient individuals. There is always a way out and no matter what, they persist until they meet their goals.

Content In January 2017, Devrone Connor won a car in the KFC raffle. The country was in jubilation. It was like declaring that the country had placed in the Olympics.

Perhaps you may wonder why Merle is not on the cover of the magazine. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s because she is not looking to be noticed for something she views as part of her motherly duty. In a world where we are quick to post every tiny detail that happens on social media, it takes a strong black woman to inspire so many lives though living a private and humble existence.

Defined, content is a state of peaceful happiness and satisfaction. We have to be content first with what life has given us and then we will be more appreciative when we become blessed. Why should God bestow gifts to us when we complain about everything he has already done for us?

Learn to be content and keep striving until you achieve your goals. Contentment does not mean that you should not have goals. It means that as you elevate, you should still cultivate a state of happiness. You should not have to 35

wait until you achieve something, for you to be happy.

Self-reliant Resilient people are self-reliant. They do what is necessary to get things done rather than waiting for someone to do it for them.

Confidence Resilient women are comfortable in their own skin. The reason we don’t elevate is because we are busy trying to be like someone else.

These five characteristics are what Merlene Connor displays. She has passed these traits to her son. In honour of International Women’s Day, I preferred to have Devrone share his life experiences of having a mother like Merlene.

Join me wherever you are in to commit from today to: 1) have a sense of purpose 2) be more determined 3) be content 4) be more self-reliant and 5) be confident

Our cover model reflects how you can be feminine but still be resilient with you hand held high victoriously; how you can be content and close your eyes in reverence to God for all that he has done for you; how to be self-reliant with your feet firmly placed on the ground; and how to be gorgeous in your skin with confidence.

You do NOT need to be cloaked with the finest silk and fabric to have these traits. You can have a modest wardrobe and still be absolutely stunning. Your character has more value, than clothes. The word “Nurture” is partly hidden as a woman does not need to tell the entire world how caring she is. It’s part of our DNA. Some women neglect their offspring when they should be more caring. If you are one, it is time to change. On the model’s neck is the word “Queen”. As you can see, it is not visible from the angle it was taken. This is intentional. You do not need to tell the entire world you are a Queen to be one or act like one. Merlene Connor has been wearing her crown for years, wrapped in robes of happiness and hope. There is much we can learn from Queen Merlene. We salute you Queen Merlene for the lessons you have taught your son Prince Devrone and the entire world.

Devrone Connor talks life and family

What area are you from? St. Paul's

What schools did you attend? St. Paul's Primary School, Sandy Point High School now known as Charles E. Mills Secondary, and Clarence Fitzroy Bryant College.

You won the car!!! Did you ever feel in your spirit that you would win or were you surprised?

I know my chances of winning were very high, but I never thought I would have actually won. To be qualified for the raffle you had to spend $30 or more in KFC purchases.

What was a) your reaction and b) your momâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s reaction? When my name was called as the winner I went completely numb in disbelief. All the years of struggling and getting around, flashed before my eyes. As for Mom, she was more excited than anything to receive such a blessing. After I was announced the winner, Mom call my sister who came and drove us home in the car.

As a son of a strong black woman, what qualities/traits does your mom have, that you would like to share with the public? Selfless, Confidence, Independence, and Positivity.

How have those qualities, shape the man you are today? As I am living with a disability, those qualities did a lot for me. She taught me to be strong and look beyond my inabilities. Sometimes we focus so much on what make us different that we lose sight on the difference we can make in the world.

What would you say to young men who have no respect for their mothers? Any advice you can share?

Respect and love your mother no matter what because there's no love like a mother's love. Only a mother can love you beyond your faults and disappointments.

How do you stay strong? Basically, having positive people around who keep the positive vibes flowing. You have to surround yourself with people who are going to make you feel superior rather than inferior. It gives you that boost you need knowing you have the ability to do anything others might think is impossible.

Questions posed to Merlene

What would you like to share with the public? Being a mother of a child living with a disability you have to have a thick skin and also a lot of patience. It's really not an easy task especially if you don't have a strong support system to stand beside you.

What is her advice to other mothers? My advice to mothers especially mothers with kids living with disabilities (as there are too many cases of mother neglect associated with disabled kids). It's a tough job that continue to get tougher, but with 38

strong faith, strength, and patience you'll conquer all. It makes no sense bringing a child into this world and then have to later neglect the child because he/she

doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t fit your expectations. Many sacrifices will have to be made but as a mother do what's expected of you and do your best to nurture that child.

RELATIONSHIPS - DO THEY MATTER? By Novelette Morton

My mind was in a whirl! What should I write about? When I had been asked to make a contribution to the E-Magazine for International Women’s Day on March 8, I pondered … and then … Ah, it hit me …. I can write on relationships. They affect everyone. Challenges can abound. Some persons have become cynical by virtue of their experiences while others live in hope believing that they will one day find their soul mate. For others it is considered a spiritual journey. Consequently, I thought it would be good to get the perspectives of both sexes on intimate relationships.

What I hope to achieve through this article is to present the views of men and women, the young, mature and the aged, the single and the married on intimate relationships. It is not my intention to prescribe solutions but rather to ventilate the opinions of different categories of people with the hope that persons will formulate in their own minds what is critical to healthy, meaningful relationships. There are no easy answers

or quick fix solutions but rather a process that requires deep introspection, understanding and open communication.

I interviewed ten (10) persons so that I could get as broad a view as possible: six (6) women and four (4) men. The age categories were thirty (30) and under, fifty (50) and under and sixty (60) and over. I wanted to look at the similarities and differences in responses across age, sexes, the married and unmarried. The questions I asked sought to elicit direct responses on how persons perceive themselves and relationships. I shall deal with each one individually.

1. How do you see yourself as a woman/man? The responses ranged from being hardworking, strong and ambitious, to being free-spirited, headstrong and daring, to responsible, humble, conservative, respectful and positive. One respondent saw herself as needing to connect with God particularly when the 40

going gets tough. She also sees her purpose in life as making a positive difference in peopleâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s lives and helping them to be their best selves, while another never thought about that question.

what they are. Another indicated that persons should be free to love whomever they wish.

3. What do you think makes for a happy relationship? The younger men, fifty and under, tended to associate themselves with being daring and free-spirited.

2. Do you think man-woman intimate relationships or same sex relationships are important? If Yes or No, say why. One hundred percent of the respondents consider intimate relationships to be important. The responses ranged from being able to procreate to being social beings who need one another. One respondent sees relationships as being divinely created as they add a measure of satisfaction by the association.

A few persons said that relationships add balance to peopleâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s lives and facilitate personal growth. They said that they offer support for both parties and a sense of security. Although six persons did not comment on same sex relationships, two persons stated that the Bible does not sanction same-sex relationships. However, one person stated that although she was raised on Christian values, she respects people and their relationships for

Love, respect, understanding and compromise were mentioned as key ingredients. In fact, one individual speaks about balance, knowing when to step back and when to lead. Partners should not feel inadequate if roles change, she said. She highlighted the importance of not getting personal in oneâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s criticisms.

One respondent, over ninety years of age, pinpointed common interests as vital to a successful relationship. He said persons should have similar likes such as a love for music, drama or family and pointed to the relationship he has with his wife where they both consider the family to be essential. The immediate and extended family should be a part of family celebrations, he said. Another individual responded by referring to 1 Corinthians Ch.13 vs 4-13 saying that persons should govern their lives accordingly and should see their partners as being more important than themselves.

4. Must men or women be in relationships to be happy? 41

Ninety percent of the respondents said that men and women do not necessarily have to be in relationships to be happy. They stated that if one feels comfortable with oneself then one can be happy in or out of relationships. However, thirty percent of respondents consider relationships to be a bonus. The question of two sexes implies that the union enhances the relationship, said one male. Three respondents said that some individuals are fine being alone.

5. What do you think is the key to a fulfilling life? Some say self-actualisation and achieving oneâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s dreams. Others mention doing whatever brings people happiness and still some respondents commented that having a good relationship with God, family and friends is essential to a meaningful life. One senior citizen listed love, open communication and mutual trust.

One married woman cited financial stability, family support and spiritual stability as critical to a fulfilling life. It is interesting to note that the males in the study pinpointed qualities such as honesty, self-awareness and being positive as pivotal to a successful life. Unlike the males, four of the six females interviewed, spoke of the importance of staying close to God and recognizing

oneâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s spirituality. In fact, one respondent said that without being grounded spiritually there is an emptiness that no one can fill.

6. When problems arise, how would you deal with them? The importance of communicating with oneâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s partners was emphasized. Being mature and willing to sit down and discuss different points of view was stressed. In effect, open and frank communication was seen as the vehicle for problem-solving. One respondent said that no one is completely right and such situations may be challenging especially as they depend on the nature of the problem.

7. What would you tell men or women who are in toxic relationships? The majority of respondents indicated that after one has honestly tried to mend the relationship and the relationship is still beyond repair, then one should leave.

A few respondents associated fear, insecurity, stress and even possible ill health with dysfunctional relationships.

One respondent said that persons must make a distinction between the 42

relationship and the individual. Furthermore, she added that it is critical to ask God to choose oneâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s relationships and spouses. Mentioning that prayer is essential for guidance and direction, she pointed out that individuals cannot solve challenges in their own strength.

Conclusion What I discovered was that irrespective of age, sex or marital status, the responses were very similar, suggesting that as human beings we have the same aspirations and needs.

Notably, when I approached persons about whether they would agree to be interviewed, I was surprised at the eagerness and willingness to participate. Perhaps this may be because they consider intimate relationships to be

important. The respondents also implied that engaging in problem-solving and open communication can help one on the journey towards enjoying meaningful relationships.

Forty percent of the respondents think that a relationship with God is important and that persons should seek divine guidance. In difficult situations, the question to ask is how much should one take and for how long? Since 100% of respondents consider intimate malefemale relationships to be important then individuals need to critically assess their relationships to find out if they work for them.

Ultimately, it is peopleâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s happiness that matters not from without but from within.

Carnival Tuesday in Trinidad and Tobago

Calypso Rose, Calypso Queen of the World needs no introduction

Time To Call The Doctor Is This Pain Normal? By Merita Tyrell-Mitchell MS, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

Just because

severe pain during your teenage

common

years; you’ll grow out of it;

does not make it normal.

everyone suffers from terrible

Growing up, many of you

period pain; just accept it; or my

may have eavesdrop on

mother

many so called “grown up”

debilitating pain, so it’s normal”.

something

conversations where the

suffered

from

Unfortunately,

these

topic of discussion was

words then become etched into

about a young girl coming

every female’s mind; they grow

of age at the onset of her

up believing them to be facts.

menstrual cycle. During

Regardless of what we overheard or what

these

discussions,

you

might have overheard the tales of many young

females

who

complained

we were taught, painful period pains are not normal.

According

article

from

experiencing severe pain or cramps

www.endometriosis.org, 70% of teenage

during their menstrual cycle. These cries

females with chronic pelvic pain suffers

of severe pain were usually followed by,

from Endometriosis. “Endometriosis is

“It’s Mother Nature’s monthly wake up

when tissue that is similar to the lining of

call to remind to remind you of

a woman’s womb is found on the outside

womanhood; it’s normal to experience

the

uterus;

induces

chronic 48

inflammatory reaction that may result in

emotional wellbeing. If you experience

scar tissues; and is primarily found on the

debilitating pain during your menstrual

pelvic, on the ovaries, in the recto vaginal

cycle that does not respond well to pain

septum and also on the bladder and

medications, then “Yes”, it is Time To Call

bowel”. (www.endometriosis.org).

The Doctor.

Despite it being one of the most

According to Dr. Lebovic, M.D.,

common conditions affecting women of

assistant professor of Obstetrics and

all races, many claims have been made

gynecology at the University of Michigan

about how elusive it has been to the

Medical School, there is no known cause

medical communities.

of Endometriosis.

not

diagnosed

many

He also reports that there is a high

females who face this elusive disease

possibility that certain genes predispose

usually

women to develop the disease. A careful

experience

early,

ravaging

and

depressing thoughts. Echoed from the

evaluation

chambers of their thoughts are, “These

necessary for a diagnosis. This usually

symptoms are driving me crazy; is this

involves a medical assessment of your

just in my head; is this pain normal or

symptoms,

should I go see a doctor.” Pelvic pain

transvaginal ultrasound. The diagnosis of

should always be taken seriously; for it

endometriosis is usually followed by a lot

can impact one’s quality of life as well as

of questions; some are easily answered

compromise their fertility. According to

and some unfortunately are not; there is

research published in the Journal of

no manual or fix me books when it comes

Family Planning and Reproductive Health

to the disease. At the end of the day, each

Care (JFPRHC), endometriosis can also

individual has to think about their

affect a woman’s sex life, personal and

condition and what is in their best

intimate relationships, work life and her

interest;

one’s

pelvic

everyone’s

gynecologist

exam

and

experience

is 49

different. Early detection is vital to help

outcomes. Do your own research and be

treat

adequately inform. The decisions you

endometriosis. Contact your gynecologist

make can have long term effects and

if you think you may be suffering from

consequences

endometriosis. Ask your doctor about

informed and Self- Advocate.

and

treatment

eradicate

options

the

and

effects

your

health.

treatment

When Love Hurts By Jeweleen Manners-Woodley Counsellor, Counselling Centre

Most people enter a new relationship with feelings of excitement and hope. They may be attracted by their partnerâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s physical appearance (his broad shoulders or nice smile), personality (her sense of humour) or financial status (the nice car or good job). For many people, the start of a new relationship represents an end to loneliness and boredom, and the beginning of a life of companionship, happiness and love.

While most relationships begin on a hopeful note, the person who has entered a relationship with an abuser soon has his/her dreams of happiness interrupted. As the relationship progresses, the gestures of love and intimacy are replaced by hurtful remarks, angry outbursts, and manipulative behaviour. The person at the receiving end is left confused and hurt, as his/her mate slowly becomes unrecognizable. This may be the start of an abusive relationship.

What is an abusive relationship?

Relationships are abusive when one partner uses tactics to dominate, control or humiliate the other person. Women are more commonly abused by men (for this reason, the female pronoun will be used more commonly in this article), however, many men are also abused in intimate partner relationships.

The abusive behaviour typically begins with episodes of verbal abuse (the use of language to control and hurt) and emotional abuse (tactics designed to cause emotional harm). Examples of verbal abuse are name-calling, belittling and insults, unpredictable and explosive out-bursts, (victim feels like she is ’walking on eggshells’ to avoid making the partner upset) and demeaning jokes. The abuser may also constantly criticize his mate, accuse/blame her unfairly, refuse to communicate, or withhold information when needed.

Emotional abuse often includes verbal attacks, but may also entail actions such as disrespecting/ridiculing or ignoring the

significant other, withholding affection, threatening to do harm, restricting the partner’s movements (especially preventing her from seeing loved ones), dismissing feelings, making unreasonable demands, and manipulating the partner with lies/rumours.

The perpetrator has a great need to ‘be in charge’, usually out of feelings of inadequacy. The abuse is inflicted to undermine the partner’s self-worth, confidence and independence, so that the abuser maintains a sense of control. Eventually, victims of these relationships begin to doubt themselves and their abilities. For example, a woman who always prided herself in her ability to dress well, may start to question this ability after her husband repeatedly makes fun of her ’promiscuous, inappropriate clothing’. The woman may begin to question whether she was always a bad dresser, but never knew. Thus, feelings of inadequacy take root.

Abusers also find ways of denying the abuse or blaming it on the victim. A woman who confronts her mate about his insulting remarks may be told “you’re imagining things”, or “if you weren’t so stupid I wouldn’t have to hit you”.). In this way, the victim begins to wonder 53

whether she is making ‘nothing out to be something’, or that she is in some way responsible for her mate’s behaviour. Although verbal and emotional abuse are difficult to recognize in a relationship (since they leave no physical scars) the damage done to the person’s sense of self

is just as damaging, and sometimes even more so, than the damage done by a physical blow.

Abusers who are verbally/emotionally abusive often become physically abusive as well, over time. Often, the violence begins with a (seemingly minor) hit or slap, and escalates over time into other actions, such as kicking, shoving, choking, or throwing objects. The abuser may also physically restrain the person from leaving the house, intimidate her with shows of violence (e.g boxing the wall), threaten her at knifepoint/gunpoint, or destroy a treasured object. Many abusers also engage in acts of sexual abuse - such as forcing the mate to perform sexual acts against her will -and financial abuse such as destroying bank cards or refusing to give money.

As with other types of abuse, the goal of physical abuse is to dominate and control the other person. Since abuse typically escalates over time, relationships that

begin with seemingly minor incidents, such as the occasional slap, may, over a period of time, increase in intensity and frequency until the victim suffers serious injuries, such as broken bones and concussions, or worse, death.

Why don’t victims just leave?

Many victims find it difficult to leave because the abuser often waits until he victim is more deeply invested in the unit (e.g ‘in love’, engaged, or expecting a child), to begin their reign of terror. At this point, especially when combined assets and children are involved, the abused woman may hesitate to terminate the affair.

Secondly, the abusive relationship is usually cyclical - with normal, relatively calm moments alternating with tense, abusive periods. Although the victim may be understandably upset in the tense moments, the calm, normal periods that follow the abuse provide a ‘hook’ which keeps the victim stringing along - in hopes that the abuser really will change this time.

This ‘honeymoon period’, in which the perpetrator is apologetic, attentive, and 54

even pleasant, may also remind the victim of the ‘nice man’ she knew from the early days of the relationship. She may feel that she has the power to make those days return if she changes her behaviour in some way.

Still others stay for fear that the abuser will hurt or kill them if they attempt to leave. This is a very valid fear, hence the need for abusive situations to be handled with care.

Ending an Abusive Relationship Lastly, since abuse chips away at a victims’ self esteem, women who have been in abusive relationships for a while may question their ability to leave and succeed on their own. Because the abuser is typically charming in public, minimizes the abuse or finds a way to blame it on the victim, some women may wonder if they are imagining or responsible for the abuse.

Spouses may also feel forced to stay because of financial dependence on the abuser, and alienation from family/friends. Others stay for fear of ‘breaking up’ the family unit, or religious beliefs that discourage separation or divorce.

You may be in an abusive relationship if you feel constantly controlled, humiliated, belittled or fearful of your partner. Despite what your partner has had you believe, you are not responsible for the abuse, and there is little in your power that you can do to make the abuser change.

If you would like to leave an abusive relationship, try seeking help from someone you trust. Additional support can be obtained from the Department of Gender Affairs or the Counselling Center at (869) 465-5000. Remember, real love shouldn’t hurt.

The Deception is in the Perception Kindle version is now available on Amazon at: https://goo.gl/zaLhIj (Click the link or paste it in your browser)

To receive a notifications when other books are available, subscribe to our newsletter at the bottom of the home page The Deception is in the Perception is a sentimental novel, didactic in nature and it is set in the picturesque Caribbean region. It explores themes such as love, discrimination, prejudice, family and societal values, morality, and religion.

The reader will experience two subtle undertones highlighted throughout this thought-provoking book: true love endures and in Godâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s own time He will answer our prayers. The Deception is in the Perception has memorable characters, a touch of humor and it is a sensitive story that will stay with you long after the last page is turned.

The Deception is in the Perception Part 2 Kindle version is now available on Amazon To receive a notification when other books are available, subscribe to our newsletter at the bottom of the home page on mosi.online Select your preferred book cover. One is just right for you!

When Adah Bynoe's boss announces the possibility of expanding the business to the Caribbean island of St. Kitts, her thoughts are once again reverted to her first love, Zephani Elias.

Meanwhile, Eva Keenan fantasizes about her future and guards her relationship with Zephani like a delirious warden.

In a quest to satisfy their desires, secrets are exposed and values are compromised. Adah and Eva eventually learn that there is more to loving Zephani than materialism and Zephani realises that everything is not as promising as it seems. As they all struggle to keep it real, they painfully discover that sometimes love can be illusive and as elusive as a dream. 57

Marriage...an enjoyably difficult journey By Adelcia E. Ferlance

Youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve probably heard people say marriage is not a bed of roses, but I think they are wrong. Marriage is a bed of roses! It's just filled with thorns and leaves. It's the job of the spouses to clear those leaves and remove those thorns to enjoy the true beauty of the roses. Marriage is hard work and you either enjoy working hard or be miserable. My husband and I choose to enjoy the work we put in. We've decided to ensure our marriage is filled with romance, fun, inspiration, devotion, trust, and open communication, all on the foundation of the word of God. Corny,

right? But it works! It's not fool proof, but it works. You're probably wondering..."What does she mean it's not a fool proof plan? God is the foundation." Yes, He is, but we are flawed. People mess up...mistakes are made; that's why it's not fool proof, but with God as the foundation anything can be mended. We must be willing and ready to forgive. We must be willing to humble ourselves to surrender to God and allow the love for our spouse to help us see beyond their flaws or mistakes.

It can be difficult learning to cope with another person's personality, habits and lifestyle. I mean, I've just started coping with my own crazy personality and I’m still learning to figure myself out. Now I have this whole other person to learn....hmmmph! Haha! I can be comical, but it's often the reality.

The trick is, instead of looking at it that way, try thinking of every day, every disagreement, every misunderstanding as a part of this great adventure called marriage. Not every obstacle will be easily overcome, especially if it's an annoying bad habit you have addressed with your spouse that they just won’t let go of; even after saying “I understand babe and I'm sorry I make you

feel that way. I will do better” you're often left thinking “yea right that's what you always say...you're not gonna change”.

That little thought right there is feeding the pest. That thought amplifies over time and before you know it you have lost control. Anger blazes the next time it happens; hurtful things are said...damaging thoughts are fed and communication has gone to shreds. You start bottling up emotions and bit by bit distance is created. Subtle negative thoughts can eventually cause major damage. When these thoughts come, focus on the good your spouse do from time to time.

-------------------------------------------------Let that image warm your heart. Most importantly though, pray about the things that bug you. Ask God to minister to your spouse about their shortcomings and reveal to them the hurt and harm they are causing and how to overcome. Truth is, we won't always reach our spouse regardless of how openly we communicate, but God always will. Philippians 4:8-9 says “Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.” This is building on the foundation of God.

It is necessary to have a forgiving relationship; it not only strengthens the bond and friendship but it builds trust and devotion. Simply knowing that your spouse has your back can do wonders for the growth of your marriage. It is so easy to see faults and criticize and destroy, but it takes real effort to inspire, forgive and build. The former breaks down a relationship and latter strengthens.... choose wisely. -----------------------------------------------Praise your spouse more than you critique and when you do criticize or rebuke, do it in love not anger; that makes the difference. Proverbs 15:1 states “A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.” Two angry people shouting bears no fruit, but if you listen and discuss you bring peace and clarity. James 1:19-20 says “Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath: For the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God.” A peaceful home is a happy home. Proverbs 25:24 “It is better to dwell in the corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman and in a wide house.” It doesn't mean frustration and hardship won't come; it's all about how you deal with it when it does. Be open and honest with your feelings, but loving and considerate with your words. Be each other's inspiration. Support each other’s dreams. Don't allow your spouse to have regrets. Sometimes one person must sacrifice their dream for another person to thrive. It can be a result of

insufficient income, time, or simply one being more realistic than the other. Whatever the reason, don't forget to allow the other's dream to be realized as well. Sometimes we get caught up in our own success that we don't remember the other person. In many marriages, there's always one who sacrifices more than the other...one who is more lenient and understanding than the other and many times, in those cases, the lenient one gets “taken for granted”. It's often not intentional...it just happens...either because that person is not vocal enough or because day by day it's become so much the norm that the desire to fulfil their dream is diminished or vanishes over time. Philippians 2:3 “Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves”. Open communication prevents such things from happening, because if we are open and honest with ourselves and our spouse it is less likely to be overlooked. 60

Fun and romance are vitally important also. Married couples get so comfortable sometimes that we forget how crucial these two are. Make time to get to know each other more. “What?!! We've been married 20 years! What are you talking about??” Hahaha...I'm talking about the fact that over time there are subtle changes and sometimes drastic ones. New hobbies are found. New likes or dislikes are developed. Boredom strikes and a change is just needed somewhere somehow. Things become monotonous and you lose interest. This is why it's crucially important to make time for fun and romance. Maybe take a moonlight stroll and bask in the glow of each other's company. Surprise your spouse with a private intimate dinner or picnic. Go to the beach. Play twister! This can be both fun and romantic if you play it right “wink, wink”. Give an occasional inappropriate touch. Spend some cuddle time together in light conversation, tender caresses, and silly jokes. Do things to keep the flame lit and conversation flowing. You may be surprised how much you learn about your spouse even after 20 years.

Marriage is indeed a beautiful thing. It is an enjoyably difficult journey once you live it right. Blending two different beings into one will always be difficult, because each person has different likes and dislikes, their own habits, or

customs...different ways of cooking, cleaning, sleeping. Yes, sleeping. When that midnight snore kicks in and you are accustomed to a peaceful night sleep...geez!

The beauty though, is accepting the differences and focusing on the similarities; the things that make your heart melt. How he always thinks of you first. The way she looks at you when your eyes meet first thing in the morning. The way he values you and flaunts you like his prized possession. The way she cares for you like you are the best thing to ever happen to her. The fact that somehow you always know what the other is thinking just from a simple glance. Focus on the things that bring you joy and build on those things. Learn to love the flaws and see how they become less annoying and more comical.

Be more open and considerate about your feelings and see how your bond grows stronger. Enjoy more alone time together and watch the passion grow. Complement each other. Express your love for each other. Pray for each other. Be your spouse's best friend.

Marriage is an enjoyably difficult journey and you either enjoy working hard to keep it alive or you be miserable. Choose to enjoy each other. 61

Live Pain-free By Dr. Lisa Skerritt, TCM, RAc

Contrary to popular belief, pain does not have to happen as you age, and you don’t have to learn to live with it. Pain, whether constant or sporadic, is your body’s way of telling you that something is wrong and needs attention. It is the alarm system in your body that is telling you not to do certain things; and to fix whatever is wrong. When we take pain killers, they mask the pain, which allows us to do the things that the alarm (pain) was telling us not to do. This can make acute pain problems become chronic pain, and chronic pain spread to other areas of the body.

Most of us have experienced this domino effect without having had a name for it. It started with a neck injury with whiplash from that minor car accident that you had in your teens. But you were sixteen years old, so although you just ignored it, it got better by itself. In your 20’s you begin having upper back tension and pain, and as the years go by you start to think of yourself as a “tightshouldered” person, and sometimes you get headaches. More years go by and you are now not only a “tight-shouldered person,” but you also suffer from

occasional stiff neck, and have developed a pain radiating down your arm. This is the slow painful progression of an unaddressed compensatory pattern, but in our culture we call it “just getting old”, so we should just “suck it up”, and “push through the pain”, because “no pain, no 62

again”, and “what doesn’t kill us will make us stronger”.

We try to ignore the alarm, causing our muscles to tighten more; or we take painkillers, which mask the pain, allowing the domino effect to occur. The best way to avoid the domino effect is to keep your muscles and connective tissue loose and healthy, which will leave you at much lower risk for developing a compensatory pattern or straining the muscle, allowing you to live pain-free.

Pain is not a symptom that exists alone. Frequently with chronic pain, signals of pain remain active in the nervous system for months or even years. This can take both a physical and emotional toll on a person. Other problems associated with pain can include: • Fatigue • Sleeplessness • Withdrawal from activity and increased need to rest

About 100 million Americans suffer from chronic pain - defined as pain that lasts longer than six months. Chronic pain can be mild or excruciating, episodic or continuous, merely inconvenient or totally incapacitating. Pain costs America $600 billion per year, or approximately 4% of its GDP.

More Americans are addicted to prescription pain killers than heroin, cocaine, and methamphetamine combined. Prescription opioid overdoses have become the leading cause of accidental death in the US, with someone dying every 19 minutes. The CDC is calling it an epidemic. At least one third of adults suffer with chronic pain, and very few ever find long term relief. Approximately 38% of the human population is in pain at any given time. These statistics are shocking, especially considering that most pain is preventable and treatable. I know this because I have treated thousands of people in the three decades that I have been in practice, and my success rate is higher than 90%.

• Weakened immune system •Changes in mood including hopelessness, fear, depression, irritability, anxiety, and stress • Disability

Muscle injuries, including those from sudden strain; repetitive strain; trauma; inflammation; poor posture or maladaptive movement habits at play or at work; stress; lack of sleep; or any combination of the above, will produce tightness or abnormal contraction of 63

skeletal muscles. The related fascia (connective tissue) becomes taut and bound up. Circulation to and from the muscles is decreased, resulting in the accumulation of the end-products of muscle metabolism, particularly lactic acid and potassium ions. These tender knots, called myofascial trigger points (TrPs), are contractions in the muscle, which create inflammation in the muscles, tendons and joints by causing micro-tears in the tendons which become inflamed; compression of joints and discs, which degenerates cartilage; and pulling and compression of the connective tissue, causing nerve pain.

Although 30% of patients seen in a general physician's practice are there due to pain caused by trigger points, there is little emphasis in medical school on muscle pain and trigger points.

Surgery for musculoskeletal pain is, more often than not, unnecessary and ineffective, and often causes other problems. Symptoms of myofascial pain include: Back pain Headaches

Pain management has fallen through the cracks in medicine. Muscles make up 40% of the body mass, yet there is no specialist for muscles, while there are specialists for every other organ system in the body. Because of this, we have found very few solutions for chronic and acute pain. Patients with musculoskeletal pain are given anti-inflammatories, muscle relaxers, and opioids; and when these fail they are referred to an orthopedic surgeon.

Neck pain Rotator cuff (shoulder) pain Jaw pain (TMJD) Tennis elbow Carpal tunnel syndrome Hand and arm pain Repetitive Strain Injuries Pelvic pain Hip pain 64

"Sciatic" pain (buttock radiating down the leg)

pain,

often

Leg and knee pain Plantar fascitis (foot) pain Tendinitis/tendinopathy Bursitis Arthritis Disc pain (bulge/rupture/herniation) and radiculopathy Frozen shoulder Fibromyalgia

All of these can all be effectively treated by helping the body to repair and restore worn out, over used, and injured muscles, tendons, and ligaments in knees, ankles, and other joints; as well as tighten and strengthen old ligament sprain injuries. Using tissue regenerative techniques, we can assist the body in its tremendous ability to repair itself.

Simple massage techniques using a rubber ball, followed by stretching, can relieve most pain, and even resolve the problem completely. However, because myofascial pain is caused by tension deep within a muscle that travels through nerves and causes pain in other areas of the body, it is often difficult to find the origin of your own pain. Identifying the offending muscle, and its active trigger

point(s) is paramount. Deep massage in the trigger point, with gentle stretching of the muscle, will gradually undo the knot and stretch the muscle back to its original length. The new demand given to the muscle by doing the stretch will encourage your body to replace the shortened collagen fibres of the connective tissue and fascia with longer, more elastic collagen fibres.

The process requires a few weeks of doing this routine 2 or 3 times per dayâ&#x20AC;Ś.it only takes a minute or two. Just roll the ball for 30-60 seconds deeply into the contracted muscle at the tender trigger point, and then each stretch should be held for 4 or 5 slow, deep diaphragmatic breaths (breathing into your belly), allowing the fascia to release. Hold the stretch where you feel the resistance, and then inhale deeply again and allow the muscle to release further on the next exhale. The muscles and fascia will release a little more on each exhale. You can be as aggressive as you want with the ball, and you should try to roll it deeply into the muscle; but stretching should always be gentle, and is really about allowing your soft tissue to release on the exhales, not pulling or forcing the stretch. Try to empty your mind and relax your body as much as possible. If you are thinking about what you have to do at work later, you are becoming stressed and your muscles will not let go. The cure is in the 65

stretch, and the stretch happens on the exhale, but we need to release the knot before the muscle will stretch effectively.

Lifestyle changes will also help to speed recovery, and prevent recurrence of the pain: • Improve your posture • Reduce your body weight • Exercise regularly, and stretch gently and consistently • Eat a healthy, well-balanced diet, avoiding foods that cause inflammation or acidity • Learn stress-management techniques – mindful meditation is my favorite • Use proper techniques at work, and during exercise and sports In some chronic pain conditions, if the trigger points are very deep, the muscle may need to be released with a needle before the ball and stretch can be effective.

I offer free consultations, so don’t hesitate to call or email me. Located at Frigate Bay St. Kitts 869-762-0632 • info@drskerritt.com • drskerritt.com I am also available on WhatsApp and Facebook. “Like” my Facebook page for interesting articles on health-related issues…facebook.com/dr.lisa.skerritt

Praying Grandmothers vs. Modern Grandmothers By Mosi Where are the praying grandmothers? If I had to give a suggestion as to why our society is like this, I would say because there is a lack of praying grandmothers. Like how? You may ask. With children who can speak profanity like a bilinguist, failing marriages, neglected youth, women in their 20s, 30s, 40, 50s who think they are about to lose their dog gone mind and teenagers who are gymnastics for the videos that disrespectful guys upload to show the world how corrupt they are.

Is my candor too much for you. I apologise. I write books but this is an article and I only have limited space to squeeze my thoughts to fit the page. I don’t have time to sugar coat things, gloss over the pertinent parts, sprinkle it with sugar or suck on a lollipop. There are some of us who refuse to be silenced by innuendos and manly jokes. We live in a society where if a woman becomes too vocal: 1) She needs a man to shut her up or if she has a man, he needs to beat her until she shuts up 2) She’s crazy…absolutely crazy 3) It’s time to get rid of her. Dig up her past and shame her. To those who fall in the first category allow me to apprise you. Interestingly, from a tender age I was taught how to be a woman, by a man. He wasn’t the epitome of spirituality, but his mother was, so he imparted her wisdom. He taught me what to look out for so I’m quite aware of the vultures who hunt for vulnerable women. He taught me how to straighten my spine, sit regally and how to express myself, fearlessly and vocally. His instructions though were based on the fact that though my praying grandmother, his mother was no longer alive, she instructed him to raise me to be strong.

To those who fall in the second category, I inform you that there are two definitions of crazy. Look it up. I subscribe to the sane version. If you are in the third category, come on now, I express gently with a pat on your back. I told you I was a writer. There isn’t much you can dig up when I already wrote the book with all the horrifying details. (If you want to order my autobiography, feel free to fill out the contact form on mosi.online) Any “dirt” you find is what I already shared with the world. So now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, let’s proceed.

I opined that the lack of praying grandmothers is why things are in a squalor. It’s because of the lack of fathers in their lives you may say. Yes, that too. But in my grandmother’s time, and her grandmother’s time, men were having as much as 16 to 40 children with different women. Only today, the numbers have decreased as there is now birth control. Children had no father figure then and same thing now but society was more together. Why so? Because there were praying grandmothers. It’s an article so I don’t have time to lay it out chapter by chapter but this is a summation.

An older woman has learnt from her mistakes. She can impart knowledge. That wisdom is knowing that spirituality takes precedence. When you feel like your

brain and heart will explode, wearing Versace can’t prevent a meltdown. It will make you look exquisite while having a meltdown. Your naysayers may say, “She was one well-dressed victim I would say that much.” However, is that connection with God that repairs the mind, body, and soul – not clothes.

Praying grandmothers, prepared the ground for planting. She would sprinkle seeds in the conscious and subconscious minds of her grandchildren. While parents were making mistakes or busy quarrelling about their failed relationships and whether they should part ways, praying grandmothers shielded 68

children from things their little minds were unprepared for. She taught her grandchildren to pray. Clasp your hands and close your eyes. She instilled in them a reverential respect for God, the Creator. She infused them with so much love and more love that when one parent abandoned them and the one who stayed resented them because “this child holding me back” the child will have enough love in their love cistern filled by praying grandmothers.

Praying grandmothers ensured that nobody was gonna make a pact with the devil and her grandchild as the sacrifice. Even if a parent did, she would pray and bring heaven down on earth until every curse was broken. Not her grandchild. Praying grandmothers prayed for their children instead of breaking up their children’s marriages. Praying grandmothers, prayed for society because is she who sewed the fabric together and so she would mend it when there was an unravelling. It was a praying grandmother who could look politicians in their eye and scold them when others were afraid to. Not her grandchild, Not her society. Not her country.

Praying grandmothers are on the brink of extinction. Modern grandmothers are busy surfing the internet while her grandchild is dying from neglect. Modern

grandmothers are teaching her grandchild who just turned two how to twerk and fast whine. Bend you back, back it up, back it up and Cute Sue who is dying for attention will do anything to make Granny Suzy smile.

Or it may be Mommy Sue-Sue who teaches Cute Sue how to “whine pon it” and jerk it like hot jerk pork. Mommy SueSue in her ignorance doesn’t know that certain things are not appropriate for a child. Though Granny Suzy may feel uncomfortable, she remains silent because rather than being a mother, she sees her daughter as her best friend. She doesn’t want her best friend to cuss her out and reveal the family secrets. Like what Granny Suzy brother, Uncle Sunny did to her when he told her he needed to see where the sun doesn’t shine. Let’s keep it real please dear reader and stop hang our heads in denial. It happens and 69

someone needs to address it. Be Bold For Change… Positive Change. Speak out! So, whichever scenarios applies. Cute Sue gyrates like she is on a strip pole but she has no clue of the ramifications and the lustful men who lurks outside the door…sometimes within the home.

Modern grandmothers are taking bribes from those in government to cover up the fact that so and so, molested her grandchild and then uploaded the video. In fact, she came across the video while surfing the internet, but the hush money buried in her brassiere soothes her soul. Her bosom was once the place where she gently rocked her grandchild to sleep. However, it is now the place to hide the evidence of how she had a hand in her grandchild’s demise.

Modern grandmothers are too busy getting her groove on with the younger guy who doesn’t know her age. She giggles like a teenager because she looks mighty fine for her age. So, the modern grandmother, to feel validated turns a blind eye that she invited in her home a pedophile. Like a wolf, he salivates as he watches Cute Sue shaking her behind. So,

he uses Granny Suzy to prey on Cute Sue instead of Granny Suzy praying for grandchild.

The modern granny is in denial and spiritually blind. Society is the way it is because there are less praying grandmothers…they are soon extinct.

It is my prayer, that there are men who instead of molesting our young girls, will be a positive father figure to them. It is my prayer that modern grandmothers would change their ways and teach their grandchildren how to clasp their hands and pray.

In the meantime, women who are not grandmothers, have to be vocal regardless of what others may say or do in an attempt to shut us up. We are the offspring of praying grandmothers and their efforts will not be wasted and their values flush down the drain. We will arise with our spines straight and teach the younger generation what our praying grandmothers taught us. We will teach them how to pray and speak out against the violence.

Words painted on model: tormented, molestation, rape, suicidal, fat, discrimination, low self-esteem, neglect (painted on the neck) and ridiculed.

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