January 1, 1989 carnegie newsletter by Carnegie Newsletter

JANAUARY

1, 1989.

l Premier reacting to questions about Quotations from Chairman Zalm ON WELFARE: "Cutting off the easy bread will eliminate a few of the hippie colonies and commies." ..the illust

ious Socred Government

is going to raise the Welfare rates! Somebody told me they'd heard it on the radio that everyone is getting a raise of 3-4%; that's almost $12.00. Supposed to be in January, or was it sometime in 1989? Not sure. But is it not grand!! (?) Funny thing though - it happens after 20,000 people had their cheques cut by $50 a month and single mothers with a child over 6 months old had been told to get a job; after they

cut men who were two weeks shy of turning 60 and told them to find work; and told everybody that unless you get a doctor's letter stating you're a basket case you are employable (whatever that means) and as an '!-incentive" '.:~_sy felt that starvation was best. People, _eaning those recognized as people by said Socreds - making more than $11,000 a year - freaked! After three months of being dragged (Con t . pg. I8 )

To Be Politically

Correct at Christmas

I love the sparkles Tlte reds and the greens Childrens' Contagious Expectations of wonderful things to come. Mince Pies turkeys and cranberry suace Hugs and greetings from friends, Hood,-Jard'swindows \~here crazy bears bake cookies and pies, and ducks and mice skate on ice. And yet I know If I d idn 't have my family. If I were alone in a room. If I had no money for food. If I didn't have money to pay Santa. If I was a parent, without present for child. If my children had been apprehended I would hate Christmas and surely cry. And probably feel suicidal as many people do. hJlwn I was a child I was lonely and abased and cried deep tears at Christmas I\s I 100ke~ into Other family's windows with trees and lights and seemingly happy people How 1 wished it were me.

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So I understand sorrow at Christmas As 1 struggle to be Politically Correct. I strongly spout anti-consumption how it's all a capicalist plot.

But then here I am at ivoodwards Clutching a little child's hand Taking him to see Santa Shopping for a bargain or two The child in me loves Christmas so To be politically correct at Christmas is something I can't do. Sheila 13axter ~

W eh -l'f -;..;. ~'. -3路:-

It's time for the New Year to bring expectations of change to all with the tradition of resolutions. How many did you keep last year? How many of last year's are you remaking this year? How many did you even make?! -'I will not smoke' -'I will not drink' -'I will not, will not ..not .. and on January 1 ya start freekin 'n peakin 'n cravin 'n droolin and after you light up, pour a drink, think a mean thought, you feel guilty as hell ...for about a minute ...then Old Reliability - rationale - starts yappin' inside your head and you make plans: 'Well I'll start over next week talk~._ingmyself into stopping this or that --and by next month I should be ready to stop forever! But, when the fatetul day arrives, it's no different from any other day and we fail again and say, "What the hell is the problem?" Underneath all the pep talk and autosuggestion and hype is our subconscious programming which, formed by forces and fears that make life and ~eat~ seem p~ny indeed, keeps us caged 1n w1th the 1ronclad feeling that 'this is the way I am,' and we're at a loss to do anything about it. Days turn into weeks turn into months turn into years turn into lifetimes ... and the same lesson is repeated over and over again until we each learn ours. In the course of our personal spiritual evolution it is essential that we learn to recognize hypocricy - where words & actions, words & words disagree. A CLASSIC CASE TWO, appearing about 9 months after Newsletter # ONE: contained therein is the sobriquet for all budding entrepreneurs ...

--Newsletter-n

t路路路

"I am different" ...I have the skills and talent to rise above the common level and BE somebody" ..."1 will not allow my life to be limited by living on government assistance!! !"..and the authors of this push these words even while they are now living on government assistance and will be for at least 2 more years. A large grant was obtained by conning various politicos with what they wanted to hear, supposedly spending over $21,000 per job in a paper tiger display of "jo1:l creation & training" for the "poor .". unfortunate", listing almost 20 narres when only 2 or 3 actually got a job for more than a month. There's no mention in either Newsletter, of course, of the "creative bookkeeping", the absconding with a thousand dollars of cOIIUuunityvolunteers' money; the scam of rifling a worker's desk for receipts of expenditures to~alling over $8,000, disposing of 'em, then saying to the worker, "There will be no reimbursement until you can produce receipts" (the very same that were disposed of) arid only repaying her when it became necessary to lie to polish their image enough to get more government assistance! This came to over $570,000, mostly from the federal government, who asked the civic government to do the

investigation to see if the additional funds were going to be well-spent or wasted. Lo and behold, the Departments of City Planning, Management, Treasury and Social Planning each and all said 'No. Don't give 'em a plug nickel' ...and of course because the seam used words like "Economic Development" and "opportunities for welfare recipients", councillors right & right squeezed their eyes and ears shut and opened the channel for the 01' mazooma to roll in, or to just keep rollin' in since the newest ripoff brought the total in grants to almost $1,000,000 - in government assistance that these jokes live off of. And now they persist in putting down anyone who gets welfare or a pension or any other kind of assistance. Every business that these people have been personally involved in has either distanced itself from them to survive or has failed miserably, with large debts to pay and seriously dissatisfied customers. The grant money was to go to "incubate small businesses" but really goes to paying four people salaries totalling about $100,000 a year for three years, paying 'carry-over costs' (debts) and leaving about $100,000 for equipping offices and maintaining a small propaganda sty complete with legal maggots and the whole ball of wax. The main people still claim to be up-and-coming citizens who won't fall short of being Number One but, alas, mediocrity as applied to them immediately becomes a noun. Picture if you will mediocrity personified in the persons of a bookkeeper who can't balance a financial statement without getting creative; a failure from running a string of dancing girls to cookies to bombing in the printing business; a dismal excuse who is so insecure that he

dyes his hair 3 different colours at the same time and crosses out 'person' in the word Chairperson to write Chair'man' instead; and lastly and certainly leastly a duo of a waiter at their sugar-daddy's bar and goon show comic and the gopher who makes 'man' choke in your throat and inspires thoughts of whining chimpanzees. All these are executively directed by the biggest con of 'em all who bought a houseboat while having no work for 2 years EXCEPT government assistance in the form of grants and the administration of other agencies' funds (who got burned) and uses crud and political blackmail to keep investigators out of the books. If you should come across a 'Newsletter' asking you to support "Economic Development", keep the above in mind. Their product smells distinctly like the end product of a horse. Resolution ---------1. I will not support the society trying to shove ~conomic development of the downtown eastside down my throat. 2. I will not puke on the sidewalk. (If you break (1), then you won't be able to stop from breaking (2).) By PAULR ps:

Ideation

- I AM PURE.

TAYLOR

Breakfast on the Sunday Before Welfare First United Church

Day,

The porridge pot has fed seventy, and on the stove, a reserve pot rises to a slow boil - thin skin of white heat simmering but a dozen men are waiting, anxiety rising to a slow boil, their eyes dividing porridge by serving spoon, and coming up with six who will eat and six who will not. And here is the thin skin of white heat simmering on a famine of government help, the slow boil that might explode, burn dO~l the house, taking our world with it, maybe cauterizing their own world's wounds, when six men - the ash of defeat in their mouths consume the faces of seventy-six who eat, eyes averted, in this hall where hope goes up in smoke: this breakfast that does not break their fast, only breaks us all. Jancis M. Andrews

LAW STUDENTS LEGAL ADVICE CLINIC Starts on TUESDAY, JANUARY 24, 1989'. 7-9 p.m. Third floor Classroom 02. There will be a Japanese student on hand.

speaking

Sessions will continue every other Tuesday for four more sessions.

The Chz Ls t mas festivities in Carnegie were great! Those of us who .~ were here know what happened and I , heard few discouraging words. The loneliness and depression seemed to be farther than arm's length as all ;pitched in to make it one of the :be3t celebrations ever.

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DONATIONS: Yanum Spath-$lOO Nancy W.-$200 Willis S.-$80 1'111:1: - 11011111111115 u c c e p tu rl. George B.-$15 Rich.P.-$41 Robert S.-$20 Jancis A.-$20 elLy Info atoff can't accept Louis P.-$20 Tom -$4.02 ,l'IIIl1t lonll for thlll Newaletler. If YUII c nu hu l p , - 1'11111 Taylor Marg.S.-$lO L.B.T.-$lOO and he'll give YOII a receipt. Ted B.-$5 Sheila B.-$2 Doug -$20 Anon.-$11.23 I h 1111h s 0 V (I I V h 11,I V· Lillian H.-$20 Bea F.-$25 James H.-$50

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can

HELP help

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with:

any welfare problems \ UIe problems getting legal assistance unsafe living conditions in hotels or' apartments disputes with landlords income tax

is located or phone BEEN

at 9 East 682-0931.

Hastings

SERVING THE DOWNTOWN FOR 15 YEARS

EASTSIDE

JUS",~TO REMIND YOU ... 1) There is a vacancy on the Board of Directors of the Carnegie Association. Dan Billings resigned(!). An election will take place at the Board meeting on Thursday, January 12 in the theatre. Any member of the As socLa t Lon who has had membership for 60 days immediately prior to the day of election is eligible for nomination. 2) Constitutional changes effected last year made the year for membership run from January 1 until December 31, instead of Nay to April like it was before. The new cards are on sale on the 1st floor and the price is $1.00

Illuminating

feedback

through

Animation

Illuminating feedback through animation Colourless lakes hover in the mist Sparkling fog crawls through the air as a mind wanders aimlessly through an unknown star. As endless quest for wisdom journeys on knowing not where to look A golden sun creeps on the horizon though no blue sky appears; but instead a crimson sky unfolds bringing a night sky to brighten the lives who pray for eternal journeys. Yes, it is illuminating feedback through animation. Alan King

I'VE BEEN AROUND Ch/ho hasn't)

I've been around enough to see That peoples' differences Serve purposes that are easy to see Like white is beautiful And BI<Jci< is RIGHT Isms CRuse cancer and Some on c that's different is someone' to figiJt.

I've been around \~ell lord stone the c rows lley me es t e r my seester Heard lots of those But one tiJtllgI've noticed and it's aLwa y s the same You don't hear crit i c i su. Until you get home. ~"

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I've been surroundeCt "",/" . By rifles and .~ Lived on shared bread ~~ I've seen life's beginning And have lots of dead friends But I never did it So why the distrust An unhappy and seems so unjust. Well, travellers trust me Just like I trust them And we share our resources And part as good friends With no running balance On who shared what and When we meet again it'" Both our good luck.

b con Cl r res t ed t110. t was because I had nu address PAnd it was late. '. But they took all my dope And t lia t really hurt ~jckeJ me out with no breakfast Thanks fOL the takes. Bu t

sayin'

I've h Ltched across the country 1,"iVancouverto Halifax .~~ Rode wi t h soldiers and 1Dopers the rest wouldn't stop , But I can't blame them '!Who wouldn't be afraid :A.H. BULLETINS WARNING \'.. About others like me. ,

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.~But you never. get lonesome or become urig lued ;'or get fickle with your finger \;Because you know THAT hINT NICE So you make plans for the future And think about karma a lot. Creg

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future eyes

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My future eyes cast back at me a lifetime of regret. I am too easily deceived by the glibness of moments passing. They accumulate so stealthily, their disguised emptiness only reveals itself looking back. By then the disquiet is too far away to grasp. Time is not the thief. Only the witness. The crime is an obscure omission of the will too vague and dense to keep in focus. The energy, perhaps, is lacking. Besides, intellectualizing is so much fun. Abstractions are far kinder that the cruel sha Llowne sses friendships proffer. I've rej ec ted myself too many times before to coax for reprieves now. A question of dignity and of honour. Neither do I want to wallow. My future eyes yawn through the dilemma. That's wha t you get for leaving Scientology, they say.' Yes I am guilty of wasting my life. Guilty. Guilty. Guilty. So please leave me alone now, mirror - but that's the punishment you see. Watch the pen push across the paper writing watch the pen ... I do not recall requesting asexual reproduction (either). When did this cancer of the awareness begin? I disgust myself whenever I take the time to notice. Future eyes watch me watching them. They are far from impressed. They just have nothing better to do until I have gone through the motions necessary to verify their hindsight. At least, unlike Scientologists, my future eyes have the kindness no t to gloat. Stephen Belkin

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Notes for future feeling

t~ir---~;J' My â&#x20AC;˘~

body loves me more than I know love . That's because my body doesn't care.

- The way people go on about butterflies around here you'd almost think that caterpillars are less happy. ÂŽoncerned men keep and that when I am Something tells me during a lull at a

telling me that sex is no big deal seduced I'll be disappointed. these aren't the 'new men' vaunted women's conference in the 70's.

- I am planning a rally jn my hotel room to protest people in general. \-lomenand/or poets only. Capac i t y does not exceed five, Cb i Ld care will not be provided. Not wheelchair accessible. Re f re shrnen t s will noL be served. Bring your own placard. See me for pre+reg Ls t ra t Lon . tvlarchto Stanley Park to follow, unless you'd rather seduce me there. - Most men talk about the wrong things. They still believe that sexual equality is a symetrical proposition. (Anthropologically, I'm still a boy.) - Anarchy works. Introspection is the proof. Yuppies and Marxists are peopling from this knowledge! How can it matter which flees fastest? Stephen BeJkin

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We would like to express our thanks and sincere gratitude to the staff and volunteers who helped in the preparation, serving and cleanup for our 1st Anniversary celebration. It was really nice to have it at home in Carnegie! George & Lillian Harrison

FLASH: The mass suicide of smokers, to demonstrate their anxiety over the no smoking rule on the third floor, had to be cancelled due to failure amongst the smokers to decide how the d~s~erate deed should be done. One JJggestion was to O.D. on a recording of Bing Crosby singing White Christm~s, and then jumping over the third floor railing. But during the long training sessions most of the smokers really started digging Hhite Xmas and rating Bing among the great singers like Hilly Nelson and Neil Diamond. "Where can we go th~n?" pondered the smokers. The designated smoking area on t~ second floor is already too crowded with smokers and nonsmokers alike. Where can we go to practice our pagan rigilts in public ... 1. l3eer parlours 2. Cafes 3. Cabarets

4. And so the vices of shelter play musical chairs, but the music never stops. Anonymous

SMOKERS

LAUNCH PETITION

During the past month, the plans to designate different areas of the Centre as either Smoking or NonSmoking have been posted. Host of the signs say whether the room or floor they've been put up in wj 11 change as of January 1, 1989. As most people may know, the majority of users of Carnegie do smoke and, even though most \vo-;:;-.Ld quit (or want to quit), many don't feel the plan is fair. The entire third floor has been designated non-smoking and it's here that the main protest arjses. Other areas in the Centre are nonsmoking out of common sense: the Library, kitchen, concession room, gym, weight room, and all staff offices. The Learning Centre is non-smoking when open to the public but special functions like the Role Playing Games club allows smokin<> b during game session. Classroom #2 is like p box with no ventilation and i~ can get pretty thick there during tournaments, meetings, etc. Diane, the director, is looking into the smokers' concerns and a~y changes to the decisions of the Committee (of staff/board/patrons) that made the designation plans will come again from this committee. Stay tuned ...

CASH

bingo at

6:30

Wed.

TAKING SIDES ON THE ISSUE As the time draws near for making smoking changes at Carnegie, I want to calrify a few points. Under the City of Vancouver's smoking by-law there are two options for Carnegie. One is to make the building smoke-free. The other is to establish designated smoking areas. Because so many of our patrons are smokers, the op~ion for us is designated smoking areas. A few months back the Public Health Inspector suggested that I set up a committee of smokers and non-smokers to study the smoking bylaw and come up with ways to implement it. I asked for volunteers from the staff and Board; an equal number of those Hho smoke and those who don't. By request was that they be as fair as possible in protecting the rights of both smokers and non-smokers. for those who haven't read the bylaw, you should know that the following areas are ones where smoking should be banned completely: - elevators - inside stairways - washrooms - recept'on areas Other parts of buildings where smoking is prohibited are: - classrooms - gymnasiums display areas in museums and art galleries areas where food is prepared, cooked or displayed - auditoriums - indoor sporting areas All of the abuve areas are by law to be excluded from smoking. Of the remaining floor ~pace, up to 50% of what is open and accessible to the

public may be designated as a smoking area. So what we're really talking about at Carnegie is the large areas on the first, second and third floors. On the first floor, the card playing area is designated as smoking, even though we are not able to contain the smoke within that area. On the second floor the lounge area is designated as smoking, even though people have to pass through the space to get to the kitchen and the concession. On the third floor, the lounge area is designated as smoke-free; a card-playing and relaxing place for non-smokers. Of course, smokers can also use this space but they will need to take their smoke breaks on the first or second floors. The theatre probably should be nonsmoking bUG the committee recommended that we continue the existing policy of smokers on one side and non-smokers on the other. I know that smokers predominate in this building and I'm aware of the petition going around. I've had a lengthy discussion with Tom Lewis about this matter. We haven't been able to come up with alternatives to the committee's suggestions. There are some real problems at Carnegie and I'm simply trying to solve them as simply as possible. 1) Ventilation is terrible in our building and the smoke just hangs in the air. 2) Space is at a premium. 3) Non-smlkers have expressed as many concerns as smokers. I've heard some people say they'll never vote for this City Council again. Actually, it was the Council

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of 1986 that passed the relevant by-law and they did it unanimously (NPA, COPE & Independents) with even the smokers supporting it. I know that the new policy on designated smoking areas isn't perfect. Some nonsmokers wanted more rights. Some smokers are unhappy. But here we are, folks. This is the Carnegie family & families try to work things out. That's what I'm asking you all to do, patrons and staff. (Remember, most of the staff are smokers and the changes affect them too.) My door is open. Feel free to come and talk to me about this issue. Also, smokers need extra Vitamin C and can get tablets daily at the cash register. Take a Vitamin B too - it helps with stress. Do~'t despair. The renovations committee has heard good news from the architect about ventilation systems. There is also the possibility of increased space for relaxation and card-playing (for smokers and non-smokers). Thanks for your cooperation during the changeover. Let's make 1989 Carnegie's best year ever. By DIANE MacKENZIE

Day It is 2 o'clock on a Saturday afternoon the day before Mother's Day. I have worked putting the place together, gotten what groceries I could afford and beer. Now I am hit with a vague sadness. An emptiness. This feeling. A longing and emptiness that gnaws at the bones. The trees are like lace now and yellow-green. Where do I go from here? Hhat else is there? How still everything seems. How very still and suddenly silent. The child rides his bike outside. He too is lonely. He does not know what to do with himself. He wants me desperately when all the kids go in or when he tires of riding up and down. His sad and petulant countenance is a familiar one to me and I remember ... I remember the dead-like stillness when the loneliness and emptiness of my own childhood would set in. When life seemed drained of all possibility. Bloodless. And the East Texas landscape mirrored my emptiness. I remember to-R the horrible longing. For someone. Someone who felt as I did. A kindred spirit. Someone to connect with. 'I'he sound of a car speeds down tile street and drowns out her thoughts. She thinks to go look for the chil.d. She thinks more to avoid the neighbars. The outside. She is a pariah on the street where she lives. Surely he is all right. l.Jhywouldn't he be? Soon the bicycles clank and jangle into sight and out again though she sits below the Wildow and cannot actually see out. Down at the corner a car horn sounds its alarm ~nd

guilt skids her nervous system. It is Ho rher 's Day. It is raining and cold. The child is lonely and bored again. I am the same as well as nervous. I have asked him to go with me, out for breakfast because it's Hother's Day. It has become a chore. A bone of contention between us. Neither of us really wants to go, and neither wants to stay in the cell we are forced to call home. Both want something that isn't here. I am edgy. I need a drink. The phone isn't working, the bill not having been paid. Oh God I need help. She cries to herself. It should not be like this.

Me and the child cooped up like with no one else. At each other constantly. Neither of us can be all that's required ily the other. Both feeling the parÂŁ of the destroyed and the destroyer. Both with the same anger at being so violated and victimized. He victimize each other. But still it seems vaguely to her that there is some greatpr force, some larger system that htey're caught up in which is the cause, the real culprit, and victimizes them both. She does not see clearly enough through the fog of anger and despair that clouds her brain to be able to determine who 0 r wha t it is. She tries to tuck the pa i n f ul t hougb t s away and thinks to gather the,Jaundry. The child raps the door ilnd calls for her attention. Her face breaks into a thousand pieces as pain trys to get out. The angry tears are warm on her broken face. Almost a comfort. LEAVE ME ALONE! she screams she screams she screams she screams she screams she

screams. And weeps her dreadful aloneness into the pile of dirty clothes. Everything in the laundromat is out of order and eats the quarters. Everything is in all manner of disrepair and doesn't work. It is a poor section of a rich tO~l. The poor have no rights, no recourse. The poor can wait or do without and there are many rules levied against them. In the donut shop where they have taken refuge from the laundromat the child is not allowed to stand and watch the video game unless he has the quarter to play. They are pushed out after their alotted 20 minutes. No the poor have no rights. No place. No recourse. They are the poor and along with powerlessness displacement is their lot. Even the dor.uts are stale and crusty. Starchy. Terrible. Poor food. Poor streets. Poor people. Poor woman. Poor world in which they find themselves. I planned to go to breakfast with the child. Celebrate Mother's Day. Honor me. Goddamit. Honor me she said. One day out of the whole fuckin year lavish honor and attention and breakfast on me. She had said. I don't care if I am a booze guzzlin dope fiend. I'm still a m6ther. Honor me. Ins[ead we fight, do the laundry, go to a donut sbop where we are kicked out, come home and take it out on each other some more. Fool. She says.

RESPECT LIFE

Then we go to a bar together, me and the child. They give me a carnation because I'm a mother. The singer dedicates DEAR MOTHER HACREE to us mothers and THE WILD COLON1AL BOY to all the fathers. He's bad but the child claps. I reallyenjuy the bad singing and playing by the fat old man and the dissipated one. And I don't feel too much like a bad mother for drinking beer while I feed coke and chili to the child. The drunks at the next table try to pick me up through the child. You're a nice little girl. What's your name? They slurr. Zachery. I'm not a girl. Well what's your mother's name? LOVE SICK BLUES he croons. I want to join him. I'd like to sing in a place like this. Another drunk goes up to the mike to tell a joke. Then tries to sing THEY TRY TO TELL US WE'RE TOO YOUNG He teeters over before the second line. Do you know what a buddy is little fella? A buddy's the best friend you'll ever have. He t~lls the child. Eve ry t irne she hears music no mat ter how bad it is she wants to make it too. She wants to let loose of all that's beautiful and tender in her heart. The man with no top teeth comes over and asks to buy her a drink. She smiles. Says she just wants to sit with her son. Feels threatened and menaced by maleness. Feels vulnerable. Afraid. And hides herself in the napkin on which she writes. IvllY WHY ~V1W DELILAH? he sings. The drunk with no top teeth comes over to the table says you're goin to write your life away you know that? And to the child, I'm not tryin to be nasty to your mother sonny, you know that don't you? I think my mother had me, she records, for the same reasons r: had this child. For someone to love and

be w i t h . Someone Lu the immense, vast 1011eliness of life. Something to be a part of. Someone who know. Somoone who had been there with you. Someone who 1istened to the tremendUll;'; horde of feelings, emotions, life she/I had been forced to store up. Gut.it's aLL confused. All wrong. Not how things are. It is not what tllotother life is about no matter how I~;-nlit's forced, how desperately it's 11eeded. And yet something further is wrong. She thinks. What else are we about, all of ~~, if not to learn to hear each other, to listen, to react, to comfort, to be there. She can not fit the pieces together. Her mind breaks apart. 'Time's eunuch' never to beget she has hC'~rJ somewhere and records it on h.- r nnpkLn as the singer trills on. Bu t a 2 i\I"! coming from thp bar she is cnragcd . A Le t t Le kid's bike. They stole it. A goddam little kid's bike. \vhy the fuck they do that? She bellows into the cold and silent dark. Alld to herself, I feel scared. I've COIll(, home drunk. I had to get the Land lad y to let me in. I'm scared. I'm drunk. I don't care. I like what the Cl lcohoI does to me. It puts me in touch. I long for the touch. The r~~l t hLug . lhth me. lhth you. Thank god for the alcohol. I don't care what you say. What the landlady says.

Later she is ashamed she had come hOllledrunk. Had to get the landlady to let her in. Let the child's bike get stolen from in front of the bar. And has passed out not waking until 5 MJ. She has been loud. She knows. She can see her loudness in the toppled objects and disarray about the room. She feels ashamed. LLke a whipped dog or one that should have been. She couldn't get her keys to work in the door. ~vas so drunk she used the wrong ones. Swore and cursed until the landlady helped her find the right ones. Staggered up and someone put the child to bed. She has no memory. Only shame. She wants a drink. Something to escape into. Has none. Nothing. The next morning she is e~)arassed to the world she had assaulted the night before and still drunk until she can not get out of bed to take the child to school. Her stomach hurts, her head hurts, and things are toppled around the room. She both tries and avoids remembering. At 2AM drunk and ou~raged she had staggered, carrying tbe sleeping child, down the quiet street. Yelling. They took my goddam kid's bike. Why'd they do that? A little kid's bike. Which one of you motherfuckers did this? And stops in the middle of the empty silent street to confront the world and have her say like some old gunfighter or a crazed pieta. She takes a pill for migraines which she knows will also numb her to the greater pain. Sinks her head into the pillow and prays

LOVE TRUTH

for forr,iveness in order to avoid her tortured thoughts. By noon, after finally shoving the kid off to school she's at the joint COUNTRY MUSIC BLUES across from the racetrack eating like a horse. Her droopy carnation It's not so easy is still pinned to her coat. The men Bein' a country singer come in talking of how to make money. You have to be Heart-broke most all of the time Sure deals. Systems on horse races, systems to beat other systems, what in order to sing those sad songs Drink lots of whiskey business to go into if you wan t to really make it big. Dreams. Dreams i And shove full of money. The big bucks. Success I Strange substances up your nose and smarts in those terms. Little men. Then too You have to live by a Rumpled and dapper with no future at Perfect Dream all in those terms and not much preI sent beyond the desperate hope each I which is unattainable Just like the Perfect Woman day of a sure win. what you end up with When the kid comes home from 'school i So Is lovers just as crazy as she's ready for the next round. Sobered, fed and medicated. But even 1 yourself You have to sit at the bar the pop bottles have been taken back the blues and the phone won't ring because the ! Cryin' dry-eyed bill hasn't been paid, and the falling dusk chokes the little room. she .,.And end up goin' home with ~ad-eyed hookers is forced to call home. She cries bitter tears. Tears of rage. Tears who wo~'~ sleep with you unless you sing romantic songs of sorrow. Tears of grief. Tears of self-pity at being so abused by life. at three or four in the morning. o what's the matter Mom? You have a by which time fight? A scald of tears covers her you couldn't even get an face and the hot drops hang to her elevator up chin and the end of her nose. No. never mind your reproductive I just can't stand my life. I'm sick parts. and tired '<Ofmy life. I hate my whole But once in awhile fuckin life. 0 that. Yeah. I know It comes out real good what you mean. And goes on about And makes a fellow his business as if it were an everyKnow he's alive day thing with him, the most natural But thing in the world, to hate and desit pays more pise your own life. To wish you had " and leaves a much better feelin' never been born. Times change. Than bein' a goddamned fool (Editor's note: The above story of a poet. was found on the street outside and Tom Lewis brought to the Newsletter. It is printed here with no knowledge of the author's identity. Peace.)

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I II II II 1

The Dreamer His fantasies dance their dance of illusions, Like dust blown on the restless wind. lIismind almost settles Then another whimsey, like a sudden gust, Sends his mind whirling and spinning in an excited frenzie Leading him further from reality Then drops him in an alien land a stranger to himself, Confused about what he thinks and sees. There he attacks all about him Unknown to himself, he is at war with himself And the chaotic horror world he made with his own mind. G. Sheffield

DANCING ON ELECTRIC RAINBm.JS Dreaming in thoughtless patterns of a day that never was. Frozen tears running down scanning the waves of why I'm dancing on electric rainbows with no pot of gold at the end. Homing in on the sound lengths of a long faded future, while looking up to the depths. Unseen doors violently whisper to drawing me to their lives. A frozen wi~d carries me to the mountains where no time exists Skyless nights lean toward me w i.t h neons in the sky No more lights shine upon me As I'm dancing on electric rainbows.

C.4Ii~

P"<>"JPOlQ

Al an

011:

Leira woman is perfect Her dead body wears the smile of perfection T~e illusion of Greek necessity is written I in the scrolls of her toga Her bare feet seem to be saying He have come so far it is over

FOCTJS BEATNIK

I started \fuere the Came from \fuo asked

Poetry is a state of mind Where love is made With the friction of words .Sparking a mutual satisfaction Of agreement. Poetry, for some, is a chain That binds them To the bombed-out fields Where they fight their whinnino Battles with unruly ghosts.

at Woodwards only staff attention I could get a talking Christmas tree me what my name was.

Being a boycotter of XHAS, I ignored the Question and went to an underground Mall Where window-shopping is considered a Serious offense against the Capitalist system. Gripping my wallet tightly I raised my hands in surrender And walked into a pharmacy that was Disguised as an overevolved Canadian Tire store.

Poetry, at least, is a job! If it is our main occupation And we do little of anything else, We possess irrefutable identification Within minutes I found a whole stack of As either a deadbeat or a poet. Raid roach traps, and with a small urge To sing the American National anthem, Skid Row John I purchased one. I walked home with my weapons And laid them on the battlefield; HOME FROH THE HUNT Wiping out a new generation of roaches Within days. I came, I saw cockroaches, To Nature, whom I consider the Master For two weeks, Landlord, I say~ Then the war started., "It's either me or the cockroaches Who will exist in this cubical." Them against me and my Therein lies the philosophy of War. RAID (kills without chemicals) Cockroach Traps. Skid Row John Within days the roaches disappeared. The traps had worked , And I felt ~old-bloodedly relieved. Alas, the lifetime of the traps Was only about six weeks , And Soon little miniature cockroaches Were sighted scouting the roach trails. So off I went to the Army & Navy More than willing to break budge~ And spend 4 and a half bucks On a new set of cockroach traps. But the A & N was out of stock Which caused me to wander into' Wasp territory in search of the coveted traps.

(

A Tribute To Dad In today's society one hears a great deal about negligent fathers. The Family Court system is set up so it causes the destruction of a family unit. One parent is exterminated, while the other receives the complete support of this unfair system. Family Court is the lowest court in more ways than one. If one person goes against you they all jump on the bandwagon. The parent who obtains custody is not necessarily the best one to raise the child. It usually is the person with the most money, so it all adds up to dollars and sense. The way the Family Court system is set up there really aren't any winners and the children are the biggest losers of all. Any child who has gone through Family Court carries the emotional scars the remainder of their lives. There should be an aftermath program to help parents and childien through this extremely painful experience. Hy wish for the New Year is for all children to experience the same childhood I endured. I had a very gentle and loving father who taught me to read before I started school. I could always talk to my father about anything that was troubling me. He would always take the time to listen. Wayne and his grandfather are very close. Dad is a fine example and gives Wayne the wisdom a growing boy desperately needs. When I was in my teens I thought all men were like Dad, but I was soon in for a rude awakening. I have never been able to find anyone who is half the man my father is. Dad is eighty~four and has mastered the Chinepe language through the

use of tapes. This proves that we are never too old to learn. Hy father taught me to love and respect nature and to be proud of our heritage. He also showed me how to rise above prejudice. Dad has the serenity to accept what he could not change, the courage to change what he could not accept and the wisdom to know the difference. By IRENE SCHHIDT

(Cont. from pg. 1) through the sewage of Socred stupidity, said Socreds woke up to the political hangman's noose and restored the $50 to the single moms. Now, trusting the shortness of middle-class memories, they want raving headlines to proclaim their humanity apd (sic) Christianity. Haybe ~eality got through a chink in the Socred annour of stupidity & vindictiveness; maybe they realized that an election is about a year away and needed something to'cite as evidence that 'we're trying'; maybe slogans like "Feed a Child, Starve a Socred" are too close to the true feelings of the vast majority of British Columbia residents. Vanderzalm will of course want the credit for his wisdom. Thi;will deflect the growing criticism of the famine of funding for daycare, his virulent anti-abortionism and no jobs. ,That's reality too. Being under seige is no fun at all, especially when everyone except his partners-in-crime tell him to his face to crawl back under his damp rock. By PAULR

TAYLOR

It's now or never howLife is a combination of journey paths eve r repeating of times such as to synbolize a pyramid's scales shows reruns and graduovergrowing numerous task! ally stealing the reflecAnd to say after your pre-school days you ting shine ..And that's are to pinpoint & distinguish that maturing task. when your pyramid reso you may enrich your future lifestyle stricts the f Low to teach on your passed scientology mortal facts! the people the general Now if when I am too old, my pyramid shape of the goal, rescale theory, rest on another shad ow.i.e minding life's growth pyamid, as it will show to parenthood boast. Like the kid I used to be I'll reflect that 'See mate, do you follimage again in a elderly personality! ow me?" So far as to take Gradually dipping into a narrower my hand, where I will beginning to end! guide you into a wanderNow when teardrops ing inchanting land of darns up a particular pyramid sector & the rich and famous! constricts my maturity flow I promise thee honestly then I'm not as bold & eventually the shadow an intense life, so rare may disintegrate & goes. it will last a million, As if the sun refuse to shine, on the aging billion years. of my living times! "Believe." for I will never leave "Together what we have, we will know l " you cold & empty hearted Life has no "Yes's", or it has no "No's"! as so! Humourist this But empty hearts hunger in anguish as so maybe, but it has not the widowers or bachelors pyramids is of s~opped to amaze me how how I really know childish a woman can be The shine is of all mines when I am to ask for a path to grow, so onward poverty as thee? 'Emotionally, sentogether we go! timentally plea'! Yes I know people search for silver gold How may you respond money, to be of comfort as greed shows! back indeed, just say But everyone knows how to insure a life time "YES" of yes & be carried of eternal host away hopefully, as to see Without thÂĽ> host your money is cold a human intellectual. "People, I am to persuade you so", Necessity is to be! Your money can't buy you a loving soul Buddy Lee however poverty won't be without financial security as I know for common sense, will tell you so Yes, I have studied this issue from A to Zee a human necessary, responsibility I won't stand for any insecurity, neither will it be for her to perceive So it's you & me to see things grow to the pyramid show! She has to know, "People run aimlessly here & there for a one-time show". "There is no point ot be of here!"

an Eastern European Dance Band, after warming up to the lively Banjo and Blues sound of local favourite

JOHN p.m, the