DEATHBED

The world goes up in flames as we sat back and watch with our hands interlocked. I squint at the sunset—my eyes are not as good as what it once was, but I can still remember how glorious the colors of the setting sun are as they reflected on your amber-colored eyes that set my heart ablaze.

You brush your thumb over the back of my hand, a soft caress, a comfort that I long when my joints are creaking, a litany of aches and pains amassing through the years. You rest your head upon my shoulder, feeling the slow rise of your chest like a rhythmic beat beneath my head. Selfishly, I card my fingers through your lightly tinged strands with our feet swinging over the edge of the cliff. I gaze at the water below. It reaches desperately towards the rocks, but the stacks refuse to bow, and the water retreats into itself, only to attempt it again. The sun reflects off of the water, blinding, pretty, like

you. And I wonder where I fit into the scene. Or maybe I don't fit at all.

I'm old, I know. It will be the final time where the world ceases to turn for me, where everything will slow; the pulse, the driving rhythm, the people, the stars, the black holes until it will all fade to nothing. It will be the last time I get to look into your eyes and convey what they want to say. It will be the last time for me to hold you close and feel the warmth of your touch, to smell your hair, to see you smile. It breaks my heart into pieces because I know that even death can't stop me from missing you and it breaks my heart a little more to know that I’ll leave you behind with nothing but our cherished memories from the past.

As I stand on the exit door of existence, like the waves desperately reaching for the rocks, I wish for another moment, desperately running for a grasp of time to be with you. To wake up with your hands wrapped around me in an embrace, to kiss your lips and taste your mouth, to hear your laughter like ringing bells on my ears. But death is inevitable and my time’s running out. My sun's final embers go up, my stars no longer to burn. Your lips graze on my lips one last time, with limpid eyes that I thought the Earth no longer needs the sea, with a sad smile and the lovely humming of birds flying nearby before everything fades out like it’s in a movie, the real world stuck behind. I feel like floating beyond reality, between the glittering city lights; staring down at the rushing waves, watching everything with unseeing eyes as the smoke of burning clouds starts to grey.

My world dies out in flames, though there's no fear. You’re here till my time is over. Stay with me, dear. —MKL ARCHELAUS

Shall we return to the forest now?

Light passes through the blinds of my window, prompting me to wake up. From the height of my scant apartment, I can see the roads being filled with impatient drivers and rushing workers. I look above and see the towering skyscrapers that loom over the city, exerting their economic dominance over its residents.

Seeing all this, I wonder to myself — why did I leave the forest that I loved just to end up in another forest, one that's filled with cold cement and empty hearts?

Day by day, I find myself a zombie to the routine. Wash up, dress up, work, come home and sleep. In the middle of this routine, I'd find various kinds of people. There are those that look at you with steely eyes, glaring you down as they work on their own duties. There are others that try to get into your pants, seeing you as nothing more than a toy they could use. Then there are those who are like me, whose lives are mundanely perfect, yet have blank eyes that let you sneak a glance into their lifeless souls.

Is this worth it? The mundanity, the emptiness and the hate that fills the crevices of this urban jungle. Is it worth it, to subject ourselves in this hostile environment? The authors have talked about dystopian cities and the destruction that are brought about, but haven't you noticed? We, ourselves, are in a passive-aggressive dystopian society. Instead of the physical destruction, we are destructing ourselves inside out as we become slaves to the metropolis.

Instead of the steel skyscrapers that dot the horizons of the city, I want to see the thick foliage of evergreen trees giving shade and solace to each person. Instead of the busy streets with honking cars, I want to see the peaceful rivers and stone paths, disturbed only by little critters that dive in the waters or hop on the stone steps. Instead of the people that are filled with lust or envy, I want to see hearts becoming one with nature, purifiying and cleansing themselves in the process.

Instead of the dystopian city, I want to stay in the hidden utopia that humans choose to ignore.

The day will come when we can take no more. The day will come when we will snap out of the mundanity that leeches away at our joy; the day will come when we say no more to the routines, no more to the hostility, no more to ripping down others and making skyscrapers off of them. No more, not one more. And when that day comes, the forest will welcome you with open arms. The arms of the towering trees will welcome you with open arms, the rivers' soothing waters will welcome you with open arms, the blades of grass that sway at the foot of the forests will welcome you with open arms.

When that day comes, we will wake up not to the light that passes through synthetic blinds, but to light that seeps between the crevices of the leaves that hang above your head.

Let's go back to the forest, our hidden utopia. —Chihaya Morningstar

Reflect

Perhaps, it really did have to take decades for myself to ponder on what life had in store for the withering will I possesed—so much more and certainly greater than shadows that could talk and agony which could lend me its ears. I had learned how to settle with darkness as my home that I eventually forgot what existed behind the walls I had built – the definition of living I had totally missed and hues containing what my shelter never had. Whispers from the unknown said they were too much for me and a taste of their kind would have me gasping for air, but a voice I recognized told me I should try. So I did.

It really wasn't as easy as I thought it would be—to go out into the woods at dawn and be embraced by mist and sun rays conflating gently in between gigantic trees, to be held captive by the smell of leaves as they brushed against my knees, and to be seen by the world which seemed to despise me ever since I exhaled for the very first time. For years and on, I was used to dwelling in dim corners inside deserted bungalows and quiet alleyways. Thus, finding myself walking across lightened paths would always feel new for me, for the lone wolf residing in the depths of my being.

Dread hugged me immediately as I let the soles of my tattered shoes graze over the earth, still moist and a little slippery from last night's drizzle. The cool morning air suddenly brought me the feeling of being left stranded in my room and how everyday inside was like facing a deathless death, how melancholia and images of graveyards became things I would look forward to. I knew my fantasies were never dreamy and though dire, they had been enough. With them, I had never gone through nights wishing for an escape or some heroes who would help me flee from the prison I had dwelt on, and I was right for believing that gaiety would reside amidst acceptance, contentment and learning how to not push yourself to limitations you knew you could never reach—like trying to reach the forest when you had been living in the abyss all along. It was scenic out here, indeed, but what made this vibrant world different when in spite of all these, I still would choose to be alone?

Now, gazing at the scenery and listening to the music coming from bird—taking in its beauty for the last time. I already had a taste of what living for most people was like, might as well realized that I, too, had been alive for so long—in my own world where no else wanted me stiff and deprived of breathing, aside from the shadow I often fought with. I would leave once it's meant to happen, but for me to make the most out my existence without being welcomed by the nature's tenderness or even by someone else's warmth, I should keep going with the life I had established amidst bouts of torment and grievous episodes. Even with concrete walls, burnt wood and broken glass as my only companions, I should go on. —Frantzisk

Untitled

Serene blue ocean, subtle breeze, warm emotions, disheveled hair, dazzling emerald eyes, and expensive crescent smiles were visible.

We were under the naked blinding sun, freely dancing our fiery emotion that once has been suppressed—"I am letting the radiant sun to witness our incomparable and unexplainable affection to each other."

You kissed me senselessly with ablaze desire. Singing out our burning admiration vanished with violent wind —"I love you so dearly to the depth of my despair and desire,” and holding our grip into our lost, disheartened hope — you hugged me tenderly and hum our favorite love song.

As we stare at the abyss of the ocean full of passion, we dance the heat away.

Reminiscing the memories of how we met—our first year as a couple was a blast and a roller coaster ride. Our first date at a restaurant with so much laughter to handle. Our first magical kiss that made my world stop. Our first walked in the park with intertwined hands. Our first hug that still sends thousands of butterfly in my stomach. Our first tears. Our first fight. Our first dance and our first 'I love you'. My heart goes cloud nine with that thought, I chuckled. I came back to my consciousness. We let the sun witnessed our dance with igniting dishearten hope and admiration for tomorrow we are not sure of if there is. "Love, which is more admirable for you, is it the sunrise or sunset?" You asked curiously. I stared at your emerald round eyes, disheveled hair brought by the subtle breeze, and found myself getting lost in a place where I can see the pit of my soul. I have finally found my ko—ang araw na magtatapat ako ng pagmamahal ko sa babaeng mahal ko.

Nasa dalampasigan kami habang tinatanaw ang paglubog ng araw.

“Ang ganda ng araw, 'di ba?” pagsasalita ko.

“Oo nga, Magnus. Sobrang ganda.”

“Pero ikaw ang pinakamaganda para sa akin, Stella.”

Tipid na ngiti lang ang sumilay sa kaniyang labi. Ganoon pa man, ipagtatapat ko na ang nararamdaman ko. Nag-ipon lang ako ng lakas ng loob bago ko sabihin ang mga gusto kong sabihin sa kaniya.

“Stella, hindi ko na sasayangin ang pagkakataon na ito. Saksi ang paglubog ng araw sa pagmamahal ko sa iyo,” sabi ko na ikinagulat niya.

“Stella, bata pa lamang tayo ay gusto na kita. Mula noon, ikaw pa rin. Hindi wonderland. I left it unanswered.

As days passed by, it still has not got off my head and I am still wondering which really is more praiseworthy and admirable, is it the sunrise or sunset? This question left me with burning curiosity. I keep watching how the sun rises in the morning and the sunsets in the dusk for a while now. I am still in a daze to think of an answer. I walked around and observed the people around, there were in ecstasy, there were looking for answers, there were hopeless, there were in despair, there were in a state of wrath and there were in love, I chuckled. Humans are really something mysterious to be curious about. As I was walking bewildered I reached the seashore where the sun is about to defy. I was sitting on the sand and stared at the soulful vibe of the mother sun. What a beautiful creation it is! Indeed, a beaitiful creation! thought to myself. I took a deep breath man tayo pareho ng nararamdaman sa isa't isa, sana ay hayaan mo akong iparamdam sayo ang pag-ibig ko. Stella, mahal kita. Mahal na mahal.”

Hindi nawala ang mga titig ko sa kaniyang mga mata.

“Magnus...”

“No, Stella, just let me. If it didn't work, then be it. Just give me some time,” sabi ko at tumingin muli sa papalubog na araw.

“A-ano ba ang mayroon tayo, Magnus?”

“Ano ba ang tingin mo sa akin?”

“C-couple,” nauutal niyang sabi.

“Sorry, Magnus, for hiding my love for you. I'm into you Magnus back then.”

Gulat ang naramdaman ko nang sabihin niya ang mga katagang iyon.

“Really? Stella, tell me you're not joking. Baka sinasabi mo lang iyan para and wonder, They are both beautiful on their own way. They both have specific time that they could spread their rays and shine freely. Sunset symbolizes that a day is about to end and sunrise symbolizes that a new day and hope is about to start. I realized something.

I have met different kinds of sunsets as I explore, some were indeed beautiful, mysterious, alone, and fragmented despite the fact that they still set at dusk admirably. They chose to rest in this chaotic space and when the sun rises by dawn again, a new buoyancy hope will arise to hold that there is still a chance to feel euphoria.

Let you heart rests under the bliss of sunset and let your heart desires in the soulful vibe of sunrise.

Is it sunrise or sunset?

Takipsilim

Ito na ang araw na pinakahihintay

—Nina Wesca gumaan ang pakiramdam ko.”

“I'm not! Ano ka ba? Lahat ng sinabi ko ay totoo lamang. Minahal na kita bago mo pa ako mahalin. Naalala mo no'ng nadapa ako at ikaw ang gumamot sa mga sugat ko? Iyon ang unang beses na binihag mo ang puso ko,” kuwento niya habang natatawa.

Kay sarap balikan ng dating mga alaala.

“Tinapalan mo ng dahon ng mayana 'yong sugat ko na naging resulta ng mabilis na paghilom.”

Naalala ko pa ang mga araw na iyon. Naglalaro kami ng tumbang preso at nadapa siya.

“Pareho pala tayo ng nararamdaman, Stella. Sana matagal ko nang inamin. Natatakot kasi akong masaktan kaya pinili ko na lang na panatilihin kung ano ang mayroon tayo.”

Hinawakan niya ang kamay ko at