Adrian by Casey Smith

MIND on PAPER

my mind on paper SHOT and WRITTEN ADRIAN WALKER

ADRIAN WALKER

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5/3/21 2:05 AM

Limitlessy Limitlessly Limitlessly Limitlessly Limitlessly Limitlessly Limitlessly Limitlessly Limitlessly Limitlessly

Optimistice Optimistic Optimistic

Optimistic

Optimistic Optimistic

Vibrant

Vibrant Vibrant Vibrant

Eempathy Eempathy Eempathy Eempathy Eempathy Eempathy Eempathy Eempathy Eempathy Eempathy Eempathy Eempathy Eempathy Eempathy Eempathy Eempathy Eempathy Eempathy

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2 5/3/21 2:05 AM

I Hate phones I Hate social media I Hate fake people I Hate fake food I Hate being in a crowded room I Hate being interrupted I Hate being asked if I’m okay I Hate being first I Hate being last I Hate feeling uncomfortable I Hate the system I Hate the word Hate I just Hated I will not let Hate characterized my Life Closed eyes Let Go Be Free

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As I lay down across the calming water. I feel the thick warm breeze tickling my finger tips. Melting into the hot sand as I listen to Mac Miller “what the use”. Eyes closed while the sun controls me. Waves going back and forth matching my breathing. Wings gliding high as a bird controlling my speed, knowing I am healing. I want this feeling to last forever as I’m flying. I know if I fall, reality will come and find me. Please don’t let me land. I’ll just be by the ocean in the sand.

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6 5/3/21 2:05 AM

putting my thoughts into words is the hardest Dearly Departed you know how it started you threw me in the fire and watch me burn how do you survive? i thought you was the one I can trust i feel empty pier pressure is a bitch you ruined me i wake up in the middle of that night wanted to end it all Blood on your hands Blood on your hands you living your life while I’m suffering i try to smile but I’m crying deep inside Traumatized you changed me you took everything away for me that i can’t get back every day this follows me how do you survive on your own? but I’m still here i’m stronger now even after everything you did i’m still alive and kicking time heals all i will learn from my mistakes and never trust someone like you ever again

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fuck you but I forgive you at the same time

5/3/21 2:05 AM

Hey Renee, I understand you and Parker are back together and all I want for you is to be happy and the crazy thing is I don’t wanna sound selfish because it’s non of my business but I was really happy that you guys broke up finally now I can be there for you like old times. I remember all the guys that broke your heart I was the only person here for you, now its so different and it kinda hurts inside but Idk if I sound jealous idk now I just have a weird feeling about Parker it’s like he takes advantage of you Renee it’s not good for you idk what he does for you to take him back every time but maybe because you don’t know what to do when you are alone I will always be here it’s hard to see you when you’re alone you don’t eat it’s unhealthy. when I came over y’all house it feels like he was mad or something. Renee he didn’t say hi or anything. I don’t feel the LOVE just anger a bad vibe it’s like when you watch a scary film over and over but you can’t find the remote. Also remember when we went to y’all garage with the rest of our friends. Later that night there he was smoking and you know the messed up part Alicea was pregnant and she has asthma, he didn’t care it’s disrespectful. I know you love Parker but do you want to get hurt for the rest of your life? I remember when we used to go to church and you told me that “I feel numb around him and if he cheats again we’re over.”well wake up Renee you let him back in. I’m so sorry even though I wanna be the hero that saves your life by telling you all of this to your face. I guess I’m too scared to tell you in person because it’s hard and I feel like you’ll be in denial and not let me speak. I feel like this is the only way I can get this out, but I just want you to be happy forever. I want you to live your best life not worrying about anything because you are worth it. It’s not too late you don’t need that negative energy Renee, you deserve happiness. you deserve a good hug. you deserve everything. I don’t want you to waste all of your money on him Renee. You need a fresh start I can help you I Promise. Just me and you I love you so much, you do NOT need this LUST in this TOXIC relationship.

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10 5/3/21 2:05 AM

Dear Jhalil, Hey man I miss you, it’s been a while this world has been crazy without you. I know mom is doing okay but, other than that it’s almost 10 years since they took you. It’s crazy to think like that it feels like yesterday when we were playing basketball in my driveway and you always won (you cheater) with that big smile on your face. I know I should go back out and work on my shot but, it’s hard picking up a ball without thinking about you. You’re spirit keeps me going. I hope you doing well out there I need to come visit you at your site to catch up someday, I promise I love you brother until we meet again. Your Brother Adrian,

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12 5/3/21 2:05 AM

Green dust Itchy throat Itchy eyes Sneeze blow your nose Sneeze blow your nose Sneeze blow your nose Red eyes Sneeze blow your nose Sneeze blow your nose Stuffy nose Can’t Breathe Can’t Sleep Cry Fuck Allergies Fuck Pollen

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14 5/3/21 2:05 AM

The time when, I bought my first car. It was summer break before the beginning of 12th grade. I was working in retail at the mall - my first job! I was saving money until I knew I had the perfect amount to have some options and now I was ready. I saved up $6,000.00. I remember walking into the car shop very nervous. It felt like every car I looked at I got sick to my stomach. I was thinking, what if I buy this car and I see something later? What if the car breaks down? Should I wait and save up more, Do I have enough? At the time I was driving the family car, so I had an available vehicle. I just wanted something to call my own - something I worked for! I knew it was a very big step in my life, so I tried to stay cool. Two hours and nothing, no luck! After countless searching, there she was in all her grey glory. It was everything and more I wanted in a car. I asked the dealer could I take her for a spin and I was in love! A few more hours and I was driving my 2013 ford fusion home!

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16 5/3/21 2:05 AM

sometimes I looked up at the sky thinking what if my mom and dad were still together... i wonder if i’ll still be in delaware or somewhere else. will I be less attach to my grandparents. will I have a family like the white sitcom‘s on cbs. will I have a different personality. I wonder if I had siblings. will I be more happy. I wonder if I’m the reason why y’all are not together. I’ll guess I’ll never find out.

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Different day different feeling... Everyday I TRY to stay positive... Putting together my thoughts... Ready to put a fake smile... Eating a lot... Stressed... Stressed... I feel weak but I know I’m strong... Okay! I’m not okay! Numb.

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20 5/3/21 2:05 AM

When I’m one with nature I feel invincible. Lucky to have this time to reflect. I feel at peace and free. Free from all the noise and confusion. Outside is where you’ll find me. I see emerald trees and green carpets of grass. Blue skies beautiful flowers that tickle your nose with its fragrance. The warm sun beaming down, Hugging me. Holding me. I feel safe. On my daily walk I see bird flying and I hear them chirping, I am one. My spirit animal which brings me so much joy. Nature and all her splendor. I love how each day starts, a new beginning, a promise made by God. This is my peace.

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Your smile is the light that keeps me going. You guide me through the darkness even when I ain’t showing. I’m the one that made you but at the same time you’re the one who saved me. I love you more than life itself . My only one... ALENNA

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CREDITS 4 LETTER HATE MIAMI BEACH 5/3/18 A TEXT TO RENEE A LETTER TO JHALIL POLLEN MY FIRST CAR STORY MOM & DAD D********N BIRD OF PEACE ALENNA FINAL_BOOK_AW_2021.indd 26

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