Chapter 1 - 06/ 09/ 2019 -
i tried to kill myself and now i have to write in a journal.
well a digital journal app.
my therapist, dr. charles, suggested that writing down my feelings would make me fall in love with writing again. to be honest i don't think i will fall in love with anything ever again, but i'm stuck in my room because i'm punished for just ending my misery and escaping this hell hole that is hollywood.
if you logged into twitter or instagram for the past couple of weeks. you probably seen my name a hundred times. Tommi Taylor. probably
saw
the
name
Jennifer
Taylor
right
next
to
it.
and you Jennifer
Taylor is not just my mom, she's probably, no, she is the most famous american socialite of all time.
Socialite: a person who is well known in fashionable society and is fond of social activities and entertainment.
in case you didn't know.
in the late 90's and early 2000's my mom was only known as supermodel Iman Diamond's best friend/assistant. her main thing was that she was was beautiful and mysterious. no one knew her name or where she came from
but
the
general
public
was
obsessed
with
her.
"through
connections'' (as my mom likes to describe it) she met my dad who was a super star NBA player back then. that made her even more popular. a couple
years
after
their
wedding,
she
was
casted
in
the
real
housewives of los angeles.
my mom, 2004
i hate my mom's career, i always wished that she didn't have this thirst for fame, but i admire one thing about her...she's really good
at her job. if you meet someone that says my mom didn't carry real housewives of los angeles for the past 10 years they're lying. my mom is one of the most
iconic
housewives
of
all
time.
her
charisma,
fashion
taste,
humor, and ability to construct interesting plot lines for television got her to the fashion and makeup business. in every important moment of our lives, the camera was there to document it all. america has seen me experience my first day of school, my first school dance, my first
zit,
every
major
event
that
has
led
to
my
high
school
graduation.
most teens get to experience their most personal and embarrassing moments
of
their
lives
in
private.
they
can
sit
at
home
and
be
delusional and think "everybody has probably forgotten about that by now! it was years ago!" and laugh it off. not me! you can go witness the most cringiest moments of my life on Brava Tv where they air reruns of real housewives of los angeles or stream on hulu :) they're probably on youtube as well :)
the reason why my name is on the news today is because i deleted my instagram and twitter. the news of my attempt shocked almost everyone in america that cared. all eyes were already on the Taylors. there have been rumors about my dad going to certain places to meet certain women.
i will not confirm or deny those rumors.
my mom does her best to keep The Taylor Family Brand squeaky clean. up until now we only had one major scandal that my mom and her team made sure to scrub it off the face of the earth.
people are now having a debate on if i deleted to be dramatic or if im off the rocks the again. but the real reason i deleted is because im tired of seeing my life as the main topic of everyone's timeline. im tired of my instagram comments asking me if im okay. a constant reminder of graduation night. so i deleted it. its not making me happy so now i removed it from my life!
i guess this journal app thing will be a replacement of my twitter and instagram. i can post my selfies here i guess? lets try and see if its
awkward…
okay kinda awkward but i'll get used to it.
CHAPTER 2
6-11-2019
its been a couple days since i deleted my social media and since my mom isnt letting me out of the house for a while i have nothing to do. how will i get in the know about the new fashion trends and gossip?
The Group Chat(™)
The Group Chat is a pack of my best friends since BIRTH. we literally experienced everything together its almost disgusting. lemme introduce da giiiirlz.
♡ Destiny ♡ Destiny and I are practically twins. Our moms got pregnant at the same time and we spent all our time together. As you can guess as the daughter of Iman Diamond she is a teen icon. destiny has modeled since as long as i remember. but destiny didn't like to model. she was more interested in designing the clothes than wearing them. i own a couple destiny godfrey original's myself. its kinda funny to see her almost fail math but measure clothes and people like a pro, she doesn't even need a ruler at this point.
♡ Quenlin ♡
Destiny and I met Quen around middle school. Her dad sells houses to celebrities. shes the only one in our group thats not really famous. shes a huge music and television nerd. she dreams of being an actress/musician but debut as an actress first. quen has starred in all of our high school plays. she played annie, dorothy, gabriella, and other roles i cant name because theres so many.
even though she loves snatching roles in the school plays, she feels like school is "hindering her chance of becoming a true actress". as if her dad would ever let her drop out. she planned to pursue acting after high school but her dad said "no." and her apply to sunny hill university.
and then theres me!
quen and destiny make it their mission to update me on whats going on outside. heres a peep on the groupchat
T: D: day 30 of lockdown how u doin bby ••⌓•• T: i think ive officially watched everything on netflix �
stop this is making me sad seriously update me D: ricky and sierra broke up? but we saw that coming. Q: and i think hes taking it well becuz hes throwing a pool party tonight D: QUEN!! Q: oops? she was gonna find out anyway on your instagram � cause u have to update daily T: its fine guys yall can go i'll just watch parks n rec for the 5th time � ��� D: this is SICK ಥ_ಥ tommi ur coming with us my mom said shes getting ready to eat with ur mom T: they're probably filming… it's not enough time plus the gate i promise im fine go without me! Q: i can sense ur sadness through the screen! oh u need this bad. text us when ur mom is out the door u WILL experience fresh air and
ppl!
…
my mom has kept me in the house for over a month now. part of the reason is that she doesn't want "the papz" to ask me questions the state of my parents marriage. but for the most part she's embarrassed.
like i said before my mom tries to keep our reputation squeaky clean.
she cares about me deeply she didnt know how to handle the situation. no person would know what to do when their daughter throws herself the road, miraculously misses the car, and finds out at the hospital that her daughter had depression all under 24 hours. just think about it, in the morning youre setting up the most important party of your daughters life and by the end of the party your sitting next to her in the hospital bed.
it took forever for my dad to convince my mom and myself that i needed counseling. my mom and i had two different reasons.
my mom didnt believe in therapy, she grew up in a black christian household so she believed that prayer can heal everything. my mom tried to bring her pastor to talk to me but i didnt say a word during those sessions. the prayers felt so awkward. having some stranger place their big meaty hands on your head and shaking vigorously right after he placed oil on your head thats now dripping in your eyes.
my reason is for not wanting to see a therapist because im sick of telling everybody my business. thats my whole life.
but dr. charles is...okay i was relieved that she was a woman at least...a very pretty one too. i kinda look forward to floral print dresses and bold lipstick and thick black glasses.
ok but this party though for real, i don't want to go. even though this lockdown is suffocating, the last thing i need is people staring at me and talking about me. im sure destiny and quen will understand but seeing their faces and having fun...might make feel better. theyre the only people in the world that make me feel strongly about something.
6-12-19
FUCK
I SHOULDVE STAYED HOME.
a picture that i wished would be scrubbed off the internet
let me set the scene
wind back to yesterday night.
6-11-2019
after the groupchat concluded that i'm going outside my mom barged into my room. she looked dolled up. she had her hair box braided, not her usual style she usually but on a 40 inch or wear her hair out,it went down to her waist. her baby laid and looks like she added some fake jewels on it to add a little bling. she has a little black dress complimented by black leggings and heels.
she stared me down trying to look for something to criticize, trying
to see if she caught me in some act.
"i'm going out tonight," she sighed still looking up and down at me. i think she was mentally judging me for wearing the same shirt for 2 nights in a row. " filming and whatever, i trust you will
stay here
and not open the gate for anyone? there's a lot of food so you don't need anything delivered."
i just nodded signaling to her that i understood. she smiled and awkwardly stood there for a few seconds. i think she wanted to say something else but she hastily left my room.
i heard the front door slam shut (and hear my mom yelp realizing that she shut it way too loud) and altered the groupchat.