The Castle Guide to Mental Health
CONTENTS Introduction 4 Depression 8 Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) 10 Anxiety 12 Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) 17 Obsessive Compulsive Disorder 21 Eating Disorders and Problems
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Bipolar Disorder 31 Personality Disorders 35 Helping Yourself 36 Helping Friends and Family 39 Support Services 40
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INTRODUCTION INTRODUCTION Just like physical health, we all have mental health. Mental health illnesses are common, can happen to anyone, at any time and can feel just as bad, or worse, than physical illness – only you can’t see it. Mental health difficulties are much more common than you may initially think as 1 in 4 people in the UK experience some sort of mental health difficulty every year. These can vary from the worries we may experience day-to-day to more serious long term conditions. Unfortunately, there still exists stigma and misunderstanding surrounding mental health and we generally feel uncomfortable discussing it. By talking about our experiences, which are different for every person, we can educate others and help them understand, whilst also breaking the silence surrounding mental health and help those suffering seek support. Through the many different personal stories, information about support services and tips on how to support loved ones in this booklet we hope to work towards achieving this. Thank you to everyone who has contributed to this booklet, your bravery talking about such difficult issues is really appreciated and you’ve done so much to improve the wellbeing and welfare of the JCR. NB: Many stories in this booklet are anonymous. If you believe you recognise who may have written it, please keep it to yourself! Also there are stories within this booklet which can be difficult to read so trigger warnings will be included throughout. If you’d like to talk about anything in this booklet the welfare team are happy to chat and you can also use the anonymous posting system: community.dur.ac.uk/castle.welfare
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Trigger warning: panic attacks and disordered eating “I have suffered with multiple mental health problems for a good number of years now. The biggest thing I’ve noticed during this time is how poor the education surrounding mental health is for those people who do not suffer. As I said in the Time to Talk video, I suffer with depression, anxiety, and a recurring eating disorder. I feel like one of the most important things to say is that so many people suffer with all of these things and lie just under the radar: not everybody who has depression stays in bed all day; not everybody with anxiety has incessant panic attacks; not everybody with an eating disorder is a size zero; especially at Durham. Durham seems to be a place where there are plenty of people who are incredibly good at masking mental health problems, and it not only seems like an incredible shame that people feel that they have to do this, but it makes me even more sad to know that these people go unnoticed. I’d like to highlight all the way in which my different illnesses manifest themselves, from the big to the small, to try to educate people in some of the ways mental illnesses can show, and some of the things other people can do to help. Depression can affect my day in so many different ways. At its worst, I can wake up and the idea of getting out of bed feels impossible, other times I can get up, but I spend all day feeling like I’m walking in some kind of day dream, or like I’m watching myself live my life, rather than feeling like I’m living it myself. Sometimes depression means I’m just in a bad mood, or really incredibly tired – or most often just a bit of both. Even when I’m in a really good mood, depression always feels like a cliff edge like I can’t see – anything could happen and I could just fall at any moment. I covered it in the Time to Talk video, but I also suffer with dissociation episodes. These can happen at any point, and don’t seem to have any kind of build up or signs of them coming. Obviously I don’t know what I’m like when they happen, but what I do know is that coming round afterwards is always scary. Not…
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… knowing how long I’ve been out or what I’ve done in that time. Not only is it terrifying, but it’s also inexplicably exhausting. One dissociation episode in the morning can wipe me out for the whole day…they’re pretty damn inconvenient to be honest. Anxiety is different. Like I said in the Time to Talk video, I often get panic attacks. I feel like this is another thing that a lot of people don’t understand. I do get panic attacks where I am crying and hyperventilating, but most of the time if I’m having a panic attack, it will be my heart hammering in my chest, and struggling to breathe. This isn’t a noticeable thing to most people; I just look quiet and unsociable. One way to notice is I will fidget with my hands – tapping my fingers on something, or counting like in the incy wincy spider song – or my leg will shake incessantly. Anxiety means that sometimes I find I am unable to do something I’d earlier planned to do, like a social situation. It fits weirdly with depression, because anxiety means that I am constantly aware of everything I haven’t done and need to do, but depression means I feel physically unable to start any of it. These are things that are difficult to see from the outside, but having an awareness is important, because most often I’m acutely aware of things I need to do, and the wrong joke about disorganisation at the wrong time can massively throw me out. Lastly I want to cover my eating disorder. I feel that eating disorders still fall into the camp of mental illnesses that people are ashamed to discuss, or those that people aren’t ever sure how to talk about. I have what is called disordered eating. This means that I have a generally unhealthy and often irrational relationship with food. This has various effects on my daily life, from the obvious and stereotypical manifestations of me skipping meals or eating very little, to social situations where I don’t feel comfortable eating in front of certain people, or the pure biology of constantly feeling exhausted. However, an eating disorder isn’t just people not eating food. I can’t eat…
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… food if specific things on my plate are touching (something dry and something with a sauce, for example), I can’t eat cold and hot foods from the same plate etc etc etc. My eating disorder does not mean that I am constantly losing weight. Even at a time when my weight is rising, I could still be suffering, and I feel like that is something that people don’t really appreciate. My one piece of advice to anyone who doesn’t suffer wanting to talk to somebody who does or who may be showing signs is just to talk to the person frankly. I for one needed someone to point my eating out to me in the last year to realise that it was a problem. Having said that, I cannot explain to you how much it panics me when people point out something weird I’m doing with my food habits whilst I’m eating. Each person is different, and to someone else that might be helpful but I already overthink the way I eat, and pointing it out to me is likely to make me feel very uncomfortable. Lastly, I want to say that generally I’m a happy person. I’m aware of all of these problems I have, and I try to look at all of them as a little challenge in a bigger picture. I’m so lucky to be surrounded by the best support network I could ask for, and being honest about my mental health has vastly improved my university experience – I know longer have to think up excuses if I’m missing something, and every single person I’ve told has only asked if they can help me. To anyone who’s suffering with bad mental health, or to anyone who is worried about someone else, I cannot tell you how invaluable it has been to me to be honest, and to just talk to someone. Not only does it make you feel better for other people knowing, but the amount of love and support that there is out there that you didn’t know about is absolutely incredible. My best advice – take joy in the little things, talk to people, get some fresh air, and make sure you do something you love every single day. Each day is completely new and you can make it what you want, don’t let mental health define how you live your life.” ~ Erin Collins
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DEPRESSION What is it? We all have times when our mood is low, and we’re feeling sad or miserable about life. Usually these feelings pass in due course. But if the feelings are interfering with your life and don't go away after a couple of weeks, or if they come back over and over again for a few days at a time, it could be a sign that you're experiencing depression. Depression is a low mood that lasts for a long time, and affects your everyday life. In its mildest form, depression can mean just being in low spirits. It doesn’t stop you leading your normal life but makes everything harder to do and seem less worthwhile. At its most severe, depression can be life-threatening because it can make you feel suicidal or like simply giving up the will to live. Symptoms Feelings - low-spirited for much of the time; restless and agitated; easily tearful; numb and empty; isolated and unable to relate to other people; unusually irritable or impatient; inability to find pleasure in things you usually enjoy; helplessness; decreased sex drive; a sense of unreality. Behaviour - not doing activities you usually enjoy; avoiding social events you would usually attend; cutting yourself off from others; inability to ask for help; self-harming; finding it difficult to speak or hold conversations Thoughts - difficulty remembering; lack of concentration; inability to make decisions; blaming yourself and feeling guilty; no confidence or self-esteem; negative thoughts; lack of faith in the future; what’s the point?; suicide.
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Symptoms continued Physical - difficulty sleeping; sleeping much more than usual; tired; no energy; lost appetite and weight loss; gained appetite and weight gain; physical aches and pains with no obvious physical cause; slow movement; substance abuse (e.g. alcohol, drugs, tobacco.) Everyone’s symptoms are different. These listed above are the most common, experienced in different ways. Causes Depression can be due to a number of different factors, examples include: - Life events: triggered by an unwelcome, traumatic event or big life change - Loss: Death of a close loved one, major life change - Anger: may experience something which left you feeling angry and helpless and if you were unable to express your feelings at the time, your anger become internalised and expressed as depression - Physical Conditions: Conditions effects the brain and nervous systems, hormonal problems, symptoms relating to menstrual cycle or menopause, low blood sugar, sleep problems, side effects of medication, poor diet, genetics. ~ www.mind.org.uk Trigger warning: self-harm “I've suffered from depression since the age of 17 and had several incidents of self-harm in that time - but my housemates last year never noticed. Maybe they really just didn't see the signs (though they were fairly obvious to me) or maybe it would have been too much to deal with, I don't know what it was. I thought about actively bringing it up with them but always became too scared because I felt I would be judged and talked about, or alienated from the group. It’s really tough feeling that you can’t..
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...tell anyone what you're going through, whatever the reason is that's holding you back. At one point in the year I considered moving back into halls to get away from always thinking about it around them. But the point is there's a light at the end of the tunnel - this year my housemates understand my situation; one of them knows everything, and the others are sympathetic about what they do know. Even if you feel at any point that you're completely alone or isolated, you're not - there really will always be people who care and it's just about finding those people to help you through. Uni can be so consumed by going out and pressures of meeting so many people that you forget to stop and look after yourself and the people who matter. Just make sure that you do and your time in Durham will be 100 times better for doing it.” ~ Anon
‘SAD’ SEASONAL DEPRESSION What is it? Seasonal affective disorder (SAD) is a form of depression that people experience at a particular time of year or during a particular season. Most of us are affected by the change in seasons – it is normal to feel more cheerful and energetic when the sun is shining and the days are longer, or to find that you eat more or sleep longer in winter. However, if you experience SAD, the change in seasons will have a much greater effect on your mood and energy levels, and lead to symptoms of depression that may have a significant impact on your day-to-day life. ~ www.mind.org.uk
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“It is still surprising to me whenever I talk to people about Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) that they often haven’t heard of it before. Of course, we’ve heard of having the ‘winter blues’ or feeling a bit down in miserable weather but most people are not aware that it can be a serious mental health issue, just as much as depression, anxiety and the likes. I have suffered from SAD for over five years now. My moods tend to worsen progressively from September, often until May (thanks, Durham weather!). During this time, I am permanently exhausted, anxious, my appetite increases and I just want to hibernate until it is all over. I am grateful that I went to see a doctor early on. There are various different treatments for SAD, which I have tried for my illness: light therapy, cognitive behavioural therapy and medication being the most popular, but it is also important to get exercise and spend as much as possible time outside. I have experimented with how best to manage my illness over the years and along with my light therapy box, which mimics the sun emitting bright light, I have been exercising far more - cycling, yoga, running - which has had a very positive effect on my mood this winter. My advice if you think you have SAD, as with other mental health issues, is to go and see a doctor. Don’t just dismiss it as the ‘winter blues’! When I wrote a similar article last year for the Mental Health Booklet, I mentioned that my next big step was to tell friends in Durham. It took a while but I am so glad I finally took the courage. Don’t underestimate the value of the welfare team either - they are a great bunch and are always willing to chat.” ~ Anon
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ANXIETY Anxiety is a word we use to describe feelings of unease, worry and fear. Although we usually find it unpleasant, anxiety is related to the ‘fight or flight’ response – our normal biological reaction to feeling threatened. It’s common to feel tense, nervous and perhaps fearful at the thought of a stressful event or decision you’re facing – especially if it could have a big impact on your life. When does anxiety become a mental health problem? Because anxiety is a normal human experience, it's sometimes hard to know when it's becoming a problem for you – but if your feelings of anxiety are very strong, or last for a long time, it can be overwhelming. For example: - You might find that you’re worrying all the time, perhaps about things that are a regular part of everyday life, or about things that aren’t likely to happen – or even worrying about worrying. - You might regularly experience unpleasant physical and psychological effects of anxiety, and maybe panic attacks. - Depending on the kind of problems you experience; you might be given a diagnosis of a specific anxiety disorder (such as generalised anxiety disorder, panic disorder or post-traumatic stress disorder) Symptoms and sensations Physical: - nausea, feeling light headed or dizzy - tense muscles and headaches - pins and needles - faster breathing
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Symptoms and sensations continued… - a fast, thumping or irregular heart beat - sweating or hot flushes - churning in the pit of your stomach; ‘butterflies’ - difficulty sleeping - needing to go to the toilet more or less frequently - experiencing panic attacks Psychological: - feeling tense, nervous or on edge - having a sense of dread - fearing the worst - feeling like the world is slowing down or speeding up - feeling others can see you’re anxious and are looking at you - feeling that your mind is really busy with thoughts - dwelling on negative experiences, or thinking over a situation again and again (this is called rumination) - feeling restless or unable to concentrate - feeling numb Long term effects - problems sleeping - depression - lowered immune system (which can lead to other physical health issues) - drug misuse as a coping strategy - change in sex drive “Anxiety to me is like drowning in a black abyss. No one can hear me screaming or see me drowning because on the outside I am smiling, I am laughing, I show no signs of struggle, but I only have so much strength left in me to try and keep afloat that sooner or later, I stop trying and let myself be devoured by the darkness that has long awaited me.” ~ Amanda Ong
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Trigger warning: panic attacks “My anxiety manifests itself in a number of ways, but is mainly related to social situations. I wanted to write this for two reasons, firstly to show how completely irrational anxiety can be and secondly to thank my incredible friends who (often without realising) have helped me in so many ways that I could not begin to pay back. For me, anxiety is having a panic attack before Ladies Night and calming myself down just enough to text my date to let him know I won’t be going. Anxiety is the day I forced my friends to go out for dinner because I couldn’t face an evening alone, and then deciding 10 minutes before that they didn’t want me there and cancelling. Anxiety is hyperventilating at my best friends 21st because someone asked me to do a speech about how much she means to me. However, anxiety for me is also the friend who turned up to my room armed with concealer so that Cinderella could go to the ball. It’s the friend who took a huge detour to pick me up because they didn’t want to go to the meal if I wasn’t. It’s my mum who drove to Durham to pick me up and take me home because I once just didn’t sound ok on the phone. It’s the housemates who didn’t understand my emotions but would make me tea and hug me and not let go until I’d calmed down. It’s those people who take the time to stop and ask, you say you are fine - but are you really ok? My anxiety does not define me and a lot of the time I am in control of my emotions and know when I am getting irrational, or need to get myself out of a situation. I take on a lot of roles in college and on a good day love a good party. However, there are days that are not good and on those I am so so thankful for my incredible friends and this amazing college community for helping me keep it together and reminding me that whatever I let the anxiety tell me, I am loved, valued and appreciated. I know as much as anyone that those words are hard to believe at times, and feelings are incredibly hard to explain. However, I think the best decision I ever made is to once tell a close friend that actually, I wasn’t ok.” ~ Anon
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What is a panic attack? A panic attack is an exaggeration of your body’s normal response to fear, stress or excitement. It is the rapid build-up of overwhelming physical sensations, such as: a pounding heartbeat; feeling faint; sweating; nausea; chest pains; feeling unable to breathe; shaky limbs; jelly legs; feeling disconnected from your body. When do panic attacks happen? You might have a good understanding about likely situations or places that can trigger an attack for you, or you might feel that your attacks come without warning and happen at random. They usually last between 5 and 20 minutes. What to do? During a panic attack you might feel very afraid that: you’re losing control; you’re going to faint; you’re having a heart attack; or you’re going to die. It’s important to remember that your body physically can’t maintain this and the symptoms are temporary and will pass. Everyone will find different strategies to overcome panic attacks useful, in general: try to focus on slowing down breathing to a normal rate (there are various different breathing techniques you can use) and try shifting your focus away from the anxiety towards other feelings and senses (such as smells, tastes and sounds). “I'd always been someone who frequently worried about their health, but last April, I realised that my worries had become unhealthy. After a 6 hour stay in A&E for indigestion chest pains which I had mistaken for a heart attack, I knew that something needed to change and that I needed to stop these unhealthy, vicious thought patterns. It took me a while to accept that I needed help - for me, health anxiety comes in waves, or what I call episodes, so when I'm not experiencing an episode, it's easy to dismiss the problem overall. But after a while, the episodes started becoming more frequent, and were triggered by…
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‌smaller things: jaw pain, tiny bumps on my body, bloody noses, non existent hair loss. I started coming up with symptoms that weren't even there, and when in the midst of an episode, my life became dominated by a cycle of obsessions and compulsions - obsessively thinking about my health, and compulsively checking my body for new symptoms and fixating upon whatever I could find. When trapped in this cycle, I can't think about anything else: if I happen to find a bump during a lecture, I immediately stop paying attention because I can't stop thinking about what the bump could mean. It dominates my thoughts, even when hanging out with friends or working at the library. After an episode over the holidays, I finally decided to get help. I'm now on a waiting list to receive CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) from a free service called Talking Changes. Though it was difficult to finally go talk to my GP, I immediately felt better because I felt like I was taking control of my life. In addition to finally getting help, having supportive friends and family has been extremely helpful - they've made an effort to learn about health anxiety in order to know how best to help and support me. When I'm having an episode, I try to clear my head and think about something else. Reading a book, watching TV, going on walks, or making plans with friends are great ways of distracting myself and stopping the thoughts from taking over, though often it's difficult to shake them off. I'm excited to start CBT and to be equipped with ways of targeting and changing my thought patterns - it feels good to be taking charge and improving my life.� ~ Katya Ellis
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POST TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER What is it? If you are involved in or witness a traumatic event, it is common to experience upsetting, distressing or confusing feelings afterwards. The feelings of distress may not emerge straight away - you may just feel emotionally numb at first. After a while you may develop emotional and physical reactions, such as feeling easily upset or not being able to sleep. This is understandable, and many people find that these symptoms disappear in a relatively short period of time. But if your problems last for longer than a month, or are very extreme, you may be given a diagnosis or post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). There’s no time limit on distress, and some people may not develop posttraumatic symptoms until many years after the event. Additionally, not everyone who has experienced a traumatic event develops PTSD. Symptoms Vivid flashbacks (feeling that the trauma is happening all over again); Intrusive thoughts and images; Nightmares; Intense distress at real or symbolic reminders of the trauma. Physical sensations, such as pain, sweating, nausea or trembling Alertness or feeling on edge Panicking when reminded of the trauma; Being easily upset or angry; Extreme alertness and a lack of or disturbed sleep; Lack of concentration; Easily startled; Self-destructive behaviour Avoiding feelings or memories Keeping busy, or using alcohol/ drugs to avoid memories; Repressing memories (being unable to remember aspects of the event); Being unable to express affection, feeling detached, cut off and emotionally numb
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Trigger warning: sexual violence “PTSD is often associated with soldiers going to war but it can affect anyone who experiences a traumatic or unpleasant experience. During my time here at university I was diagnosed with it following a sexual assault, something I honestly didn’t think could cause it. I didn’t really have a huge reaction immediately it started maybe a week after the incident, I think I was initially denial to myself. For weeks following that night I would walk around Durham on edge with every stranger I walked past, I went into myself and didn’t go out. Worst of all I would get flashbacks and nightmares. Being near where it happened I would get nausea and a numbness so I would avoid it altogether. Initially I had two deadlines immediately following the event and the stress of that helped distract me until they were in. After then is when my PTSD ramped up, the flashbacks became common and I grew insomniac. I also have blurry memories of the night of the attack and elements are blocked from my memory such as the face of my attacker. This initially upset me as I couldn’t get closure from confronting him or even by knowingly avoiding him, especially as he was a fellow student. I was able to hide my symptoms from most people and would brush off questions surrounding that night and the scar on my hand as a drunken fall, but it eventually got too much for me to keep it to myself. I went home for about a week and ended up telling my Mum, I think that was the hardest part for me and I never told her the full extent of what happened. She told my older brother and Dad, I didn’t want them to know but she thought it was important. I’ve still never spoken to them about it properly my brother just hugged me for a long time, I’d never seen him cry before then. I was glad they knew as it explained why I got panicked at times but I struggled to talk to even my mother about it. When I returned to uni I confided to a few close friends, and found out similar events had happened to one or two of them. Eventually I ended up going to a…
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...counselor. Talking to someone who I didn’t know and wouldn’t cry or pity me really helped. I blamed myself for what had happened because I had been drinking. This perpetuated my PTSD, as I would imagine how I could have drunk less or gone home earlier, which would then trigger flashbacks. Opening up frankly to the counsellor about how I felt let it escape my mind and she gave me coping techniques. She said that when I started to get panicked or think of the event, I should take control of it and imagine a different ending. Some of her suggestions were ridiculous, like you imagine you can teleport away from the scene or get super strong and punch the attacker, but it started to make me more confident again. During the PTSD I had become a shadow of myself, I began binge eating and would cry when someone brushed past me in a nightclub. As someone who had previously been very assertive and outgoing, I now avoided any situation without my friends. But little by little I learnt to deal with the flashbacks and gained back some of what I felt I had lost. One of my biggest breakthroughs was going swimming. I know it might seem a small feat but being in a swimming costume in front of strangers was a huge step for me. Swimming became a tool for me to forget about everything. I stopped using bio oil on my scars, instead of erasing them I wear the faint marks with pride as a reminder to myself. Again I know everyone deals with trauma differently and it took me some months but I came to terms with what had happened and no longer view myself as a victim. Since the incident I dated someone for a while and that helped a lot in restoring my trust in people. I stopped binging, don’t get anxious when I’m out and now rarely get flashbacks. From time to time I still have the odd flashback when I’m anxious, or I get upset if I watch or read something about rape, but these situations are few and far between. Approaching a year after the event I was…
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…convinced I heard him and possibly saw him for the first time, which caused a minor setback. But these days I have the tools and a network to help me if I. ever get upset. I chose to stay anonymous as only a very small group of people know about the incident and even fewer know about my PTSD. Most of my friends and housemates have no idea. However, I thought it was important to share what helped me as if anyone is in the same situation they know it does get better. PTSD often feels suffocating and you get scared that the images won’t stop but with support in whatever channel helps you, you can regain your confidence, quell the images and get on with your life.” ~ Anon
Other terms for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder The diagnosis ‘PTSD’ was first used by veterans of the Vietnam War, but the problem has existed for a lot longer and has had a variety of names, including: -
shell shock soldier’s heart battle fatigue combat stress post-traumatic stress syndrome (PTSS)
However, it is important to remember that today the term PTSD can be used to describe the psychological problems resulting from any traumatic event, not just war. ~ www.mind.org.uk
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OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE DISORDER What is it? Obsessive Compulsive Disorder – more commonly known as OCD – can generally be defined as a condition where a person is governed by obsessive thoughts and compulsive activity. The crucial thing to be aware of with OCD is that it is a condition very particular to the person who is suffering from it. Obsessions These are unwelcome thoughts, images, urges or doubts that repeatedly appear in your mind; for example, thinking that you have been contaminated by dirt and germs, or experiencing a sudden urge to hurt someone. These obsessions are often frightening or seem so horrible that you can’t share them with others. The obsessions interrupt your others thoughts and makes you feel very anxious. Compulsions These are repetitive activities that you feel you have to do. This could be something like repeatedly checking a door to make sure it is locked or repeating a specific phrase in your head to prevent harm coming to a loved one. The aim of a compulsion is to try and deal with the distress caused by the obsessive thoughts and relieve the anxiety you are feeling. However, the process of repeating these compulsions is often distressing and any relief you feel is often short-lived. ~ www.mind.org.uk
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“Being a student is the laziest and yet most challenging part of life. In a quest to be academically and socially brilliant and have financial stability, no wonder the counselling service is stretched and doctors are prescribing antidepressants like they’re sweets. Looking into the future is terrifying because a forty-hour week sounds unbearable considering how many of us cannot make it through the day without a power nap. Alcohol should definitely still be illegal until graduation seeing as most of us (me) are mentally unstable and bound to either have a breakdown, make reckless decisions or eat two day’s worth of meals in one sitting. Don’t forget the beckoning student debt and constant patronisation, welcoming us all to the real world. The phrase “university is the best part of your life,” is constantly thrown around the dinner table and I can’t help but disagree. Education is priceless (ironic, I know), but in between binge watching Girls and receiving a stream of rejection emails from prospective internships, it’s only natural to feel both underwhelmed and overwhelmed. The little things such as jumping into a bunny rabbit onesie or reading the ever so accurate “F*ck you 2016,” is what keeps us grounded. Remember results day? Congratulations on selling your soul to the devil. Granted, moving up the ladder is commendable, but as soon as the first lecture arrives and you start to stare down at your phone, prepare to be whacked over the head with the £200 book you just bought because you thought a reading list was actually a thing. No student in existence is ever up-to-date. By some miracle, when an hour free comes about, be ready to feel guilty about all the work piling up behind the scenes. The key is just to fake a smile and let your stresses manifest as functioning anxiety. That’s all over social media these days and what coursework extensions are for. Personally, I’m incredibly impulsive. My motto is “go hard or go home,” and I admit it’s an unhealthy philosophy to live by. It’s got me in trouble a countless amount of times and I…
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…don’t seem to learn. I still continue to drink myself into oblivion, exercise excessively and most importantly, I’m too hard on myself. Let’s cut to the chase, I have OCD, occasionally self-harm and I’m a very good liar. I like to call it the triple threat. Don’t get me wrong, I still manage to enjoy myself, scrape my way through an engineering degree and am optimistic about the future. These little fuckers just get in the way sometimes. Bridget Jones holds a very special place in my heart because I often find myself crying into a tub of Ben & Jerry’s. However, amongst all the identity crises, I firmly believe that when one door closes, another one opens. A healthier philosophy to live by. Closing words of wisdom? Don’t let yourself be defined by a mental illness. That’s all temporary.” ~ Lauren Miller Often people with OCD are treated with Cogitative Behavioural Treatment (CBT). CBT is used to help treat a range of other mental health problems too, such as depression, anxiety, eating problems, psychosis, and PTSD. What is CBT? CBT is a type of talking treatment that focuses on how your thoughts, beliefs and attitudes affect your feelings and behaviour, and teaches you coping skills for dealing with different problems. It combines cognitive therapy (examining the things you think) and behaviour therapy (examining the things you do). How does CBT work? In CBT you work with a therapist to identify and challenge any negative thinking patterns and behaviour which may be causing you difficulties. In turn this can change the way you feel about situations, and enable you to change your behaviour in future. You and your therapist might focus on what is going on in your life right now, but you might also look at your past, and think about how your past experiences impact the way you see the world.
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EATING DISORDERS AND PROBLEMS Food plays an important part in our lives, it is something that most of us enjoy and don’t need to think about too much. But for others it brings endless challenges and stress to everyday life. Eating problems and disorders are incredibly common, although it may not always seem like this. Having an eating problem can be very hard to cope with but it’s important to understand that eating problems aren’t just about food. They can be about difficult things in your life and painful feelings, which you may be finding hard to express, face or resolve. There exist a whole range of eating problems and disorders, none more or less important: Bulimia nervosa: One of the most common, categorised as binging followed by purging. This can be difficult to spot as often weight remains roughly the same. Anorexia nervosa: Restricting food intake to the point you aren’t consuming enough nutrients or energy to be physically healthy. Often connected to low self-esteem, negative body image and feelings of intense distress. Binge eating disorder: Inability to stop eating, even if you want to. Food may be masking feelings or providing emotional support. EDNOS (eating disorder not otherwise specified): Some but not all of the criteria of other eating disorders. EDNOS are a very serious illness, and are often more confusing to deal with. ~ visit www.mind.org.uk for more detailed descriptions
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Who can be effected by eating disorders? In short: ANYONE. There is no single cause of eating problems, and sometimes it can be hard to understand why it has become an issue for you. The reasons for your eating problem may be very complex and confusing. While you may feel that a problem you have with eating is unusual or shameful, you are not alone. Eating disorder charity beat has estimated that about 1.6 million people in the UK are affected. Eating problems can affect anyone, regardless of background or gender. “People often think that eating disorders aren’t “real” problems, and although there has thankfully been an increasing awareness of anorexia and bulimia, ‘binge eating disorder’ (BED), also known as ‘compulsive eating disorder’, is still not as widely recognised or accepted by society. In the last year or so that I’ve been diagnosed with BED, the most common response I’ve received from my friends and family are “just learn to have more self-control, it’s not that hard”, “I love food too and I eat as much as you do so it’s not a big problem”, “just eat when you’re hungry and stop when you’re not”, but oh, if only it were that simple... Trying to explain to people what BED is like trying to explain a sense that they don’t have or cannot acquire, but having said this, I shall try my hardest to translate my experience into words. BED is like have an irrational monster living inside of you that is never satisfied, not even after the 6 bowls of oats, 5 slices of bread, 3/4rds jar of peanut butter, 2 packets of double stuffed oreos and 9 shortbread millionaires you ate within the last 27 minutes. My ongoing experience with BED may have been born back when I was younger, however, it had only grown into a big enough problem for me to realise it just before university. Up until high school, I had been “blessed” (debatable) with a naturally skinny frame and fast metabolism, and so being abnormally underweight became “normal”...
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…for me. I had grown up being familiar with the phrases “omg it’s crazy how you can eat so much and still be this skinny”, “I wish I was as skinny as you”…, that I began to believe that my self-worth was intertwined with my appearance and that I could eat as much as I desired without gaining weight (oh how wrong I was), and thus when my body changed in high school and developed to an arguably healthier weight, I felt like I had lost a part of my identity. From then onwards, I’ve felt like I was living a nightmare and that when and if I ever wake up, I’ll be that skinny girl who hated her twig-like body back then, but only this time, I’d actually appreciate it. This hatred for my body has resulted in a vicious tandem between periods of calorie restricting, only obsessively eating healthy food (termed ‘orthorexia’), and over-exercising, which resulted me to losing my period for 9 months, to the other end of the spectrum of prolonged periods of binging until I’m lying on the bathroom floor in tears because of how much pain, both mental and physical, I am in. Despite this often leading me to throw up (not self-induced), one would think that the pain alone would be enough to make me stop binging for good, but no, the monster within me has a mind of its own and this process will be repeated the next evening and the evenings after that. Binging had become a habit. Sometimes I binge in front of people because a part of me wants them to stop me since I am unable to do so myself. However, majority of the time I binge in secret: creeping out of my room at 1am, slowly closing the kitchen door and sitting on the floor in front of my fridge, eating whatever I can get my hands on, praying that one of my housemates doesn’t walk in on me in this barbaric state and catch me red (velvet)-handed, face stuffed with frosting. The peak of my BED was at the end of my first term of second year. It had gotten to the point that I would wake up with swollen eyes in a pile of empty wrappers and cookies crumbs, and had missed most of my academic commitments in the final week. I can still vividly remember the time I spent 12 minutes debating with myself over whether or not I should…
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… buy a packet of cookies in Sainsbury's after having binged 15 minutes before. I still remember the looks the shop assistants gave me as I deliberated over which flavour I wanted, picked up the white chocolate and raspberry cookies with trembling hands, walked to the counter, turned around, put the cookies back on the shelf, left the store, came back 5 seconds later, picked up the cookies, made a loop around the store, made it to the counter and then finally bought them and scoffed 3 out of 5 of them down my throat before even stepping out of the store. Social events became difficult for me. If there was going to be food there, I often avoided it when I could as I didn’t trust myself to be able to socialise without binging and thereby embarrassing myself. At times, especially before parties, stressing about them and the possibility of there being food, has led me to binge beforehand so that I will be in so much physical pain that I wouldn’t be able to get up from the toilet or living room floor, get dressed and leave the house. I had become so paralysed with this dissatisfaction of how I looked that I had convinced myself that no one would like me until I had lost some weight. And how did I cope with this craving to lose weight? I binged. Fast forward one year, fluctuating 12kgs in that period, and I still can’t exactly pinpoint the root of the problem. The catalyst might’ve been due to my ongoing battle with body image, however, another part of me believes that it was another channel for my anxiety to manifest into, a way of hurting and punishing myself when I felt hopeless and unable to cope with the problems of life. Some people use alcohol as a coping mechanism, some people cut themselves to focus on the physical pain so they don’t have to deal with the other problems, and others, such as myself, binge. We binge until we are distracted by the pain in our stomachs and are sedated by the thoughts of regret, guilt, and hatred, that we temporarily forget the problems that had induced the binge. We binge to numb ourselves from the pain we’re experiencing in our lives. We binge simply because that is all we can do in that moment of struggle. We binge, not because of physical hunger..
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… but rather to fill an emotional void in our lives. We binge because we feel like everything else in our life is already bad so we may as well make it worse by binging. We binge for instant (and sadly temporary) gratification to distract us from our lifelong suffering. We binge to punish ourselves for not fitting into that dress, for not understanding anything in that lecture, when a conversation didn’t turn out as well as we hoped it to, we binge because we can’t accept life as it is, in all its pain and glory. Although I wish I could be one of those people who recovered from their eating disorder and has now got a healthy relationship with food but I would be lying if I said I haven’t had a binging relapse in the past month, or rather the past 3 hours of writing this passage. As cliché and cheesy as this sounds (and most of you probably already know this but), recovery it is a journey, not an end destination, and it will have its ups and downs. I will have days when I don’t binge and days when I do, and it is the small steps in the right direction that I am commending myself for, such as learning to forgive myself for the times I do eat like I’m eating for a family of four. I’ll end this passage by sharing some quotes from the eating disorder queen and author, Geneen Roth, that I feel perfectly sum up what having BED is like, just in case my previous ramblings did not make any sense: “Why do I do this to myself? (…) Why can’t I rid myself of my obsession with food? Why do I hate myself? I cried as I reached into the refrigerator and began eating compulsively again.” “Overeating was my way to punish and shame myself; each time I gained weight, each time I failed at a diet, I proved to myself that my deepest fear was true: I was pathetic and doomed and I didn’t deserve to live. I could have expressed this despair through drugs or shoplifting or alcohol but I chose chocolate instead.” “Compulsive eating is an attempt to avoid the absence (of love, comfort, knowing what to do) when we find ourselves in the desert of a particular moment, feeling, situation” ” ~ Anon
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“Anorexia and bulimia have been part of my life for nearly 9 years now. Eating disorders come in various forms and this means they are one of the most misunderstood mental illnesses. In the media, it’s always a girl who wants to lose weight but takes it too far and becomes ‘anorexic’. Undoubtedly, weight loss is a massive part of it, but for me, anorexia was about control, a coping mechanism for anxiety and also a form of self-harm. Things at home were manic and out of control so I used restricting my food intake and over-exercising as a way of control. I thought I was powerful, but my perspective became warped and I was no longer in control. I was a slave to anorexia; the number on the scale had to keep going down and I had to keep eating less and less. I became emaciated and couldn’t sit down without being in pain. My hair fell out, my skin was papery and cold, and my body didn’t develop as it should have. I would have panic attacks and fits at school out of nowhere, and while my friends were going out and having fun on weekends, I was obsessively walking and hiding food. Starving meant that I couldn’t concentrate at school, and it also led to raging binges, which would lead to overwhelming guilt and panic, so I would make myself sick. This was extremely painful and emotionally draining. This is how I got caught in the self-destructive cycle that is bulimia. I pushed friends away in an effort to protect my deceitful illness. It is so difficult to be a friend to someone with an eating disorder; friends just want to help but to you, they are traitors who want to catch you out. I am thankful to those friends who stuck by me and did express their concerns. If you know someone with an eating disorder, do not comment on their appearance - express concerns about their well-being and health, as eating disorders come in various guises. At the peak of my time with bulimia, I was actually a ‘healthy’ weight but any comments on my appearance would have a negative impact on my recovery…
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Recovery from anorexia and bulimia has been the hardest thing I have ever had to do, but it is also something I am most proud of. It doesn’t happen overnight. I had to learn how to be myself without the diseases, I had to learn how to cope with my anxiety without harming myself and have had to learn how to eat properly again. It has been four years since I have officially ‘recovered’ from eating disorders, but I still have my bad days; I can still be obsessive with food, refuse to eat certain things and once or twice a year slip up with a purging episode. But I always pick myself up and try again. Living with an eating disorder is a miserable existence, one that I would not wish on anyone. The most difficult thing is seeking help, in letting go of the person you are with the eating disorder because it’s scary piecing together a new person. But I know if my old self saw me now she would have gotten help sooner because life without an eating disorder is a pretty fun one.” ~ Siobhan Slattery
Useful contacts for people with eating problems and disorders: www.b-eat.co.uk - Beat. The leading UK charity support for those with eating disorders. www.mind.org.uk - not specifically for eating problems and disorders, but informative and has an extensive list of support advice. www.mengetedstoo.co.uk - MGEDT. Aimed at male sufferers, tackling both the issue of eating disorders, and also the stigma against male sufferers. www.anorexiabulimiacare.org.uk -ABC. A UK based charity with over 25 years’ experience. Also has a helpline for families.
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BIPOLAR DISORDER What is it? Bipolar disorder is a mental health problem that mainly affects your mood. If you have bipolar disorder, you are likely to have times where you experience: - manic or hypomanic episodes (feeling high) - depressive episodes (feeling low) - potentially some psychotic symptoms during manic or depressive episodes Everyone has variations in their mood, but in bipolar disorder these changes can be very distressing and have a big impact on your life. You may feel that your high and low moods are extreme, and that swings in your mood are overwhelming Manic episodes: They can feel fun and exciting, however they can also be distressing, disorientating or unpleasant. You might feel: - happy, euphoric or uncontrollably excited – like you can’t get your words out fast enough - irritable and agitated - have increased sexual energy - easily distracted, like your thoughts are racing; difficulty concentrating - very confident or adventurous; like you are untouchable or can’t be harmed; like you can perform physical and mental tasks better than normal
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How you might behave: - more active than usual - talking a lot, or very quickly, or not making much sense - being very friendly - saying/ doing things that are inappropriate or out of character; losing social inhibitions; taking serious risks with your safety - sleeping very little, or not at all - being rude or aggressive - misusing drugs or alcohol - spending money excessively and inappropriately Depressive episodes: Symptoms and feelings are very similar to those previously discussed in the depression subsection. Mixed episodes: Mixed episodes are when you experience symptoms of depression and mania or hypomania at the same time. This can be particularly difficult to cope with, as: - it can be harder to work out what you’re feeling and what you want - it might feel even more challenging and exhausting to manage your emotions - you may be more likely to act on suicidal thoughts and feelings - others may struggle to know how to support you best Psychotic episodes: Not everyone with a diagnosis of bipolar disorder experiences psychosis, but some people do. Symptoms include delusions (such as paranoia) and hallucinations (such as hearing voices). ~ www.mind.org.uk
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“In my experience, Bipolar disorder manifests itself in an inability to control my mood, with periods of extreme energy and hyperactivity and others of sadness and hopelessness. The latter periods are particularly difficult for the person experiencing them as they are often combined with low energy levels. When I am feeling this way, it often means I don’t want to leave bed and join in activities, be it with my friends and family or exercise and my degree. On the other hand, the periods of extreme happiness and elevated energy levels are often appealing to me and were something I didn’t want to let go of when trying medication. This is a sentiment that many Bipolar people agree with, however, the hyperactivity can often lead to reckless behaviour. In fact, for many people who suffer from bipolar disorder these hyperactive phases have often proven more dangerous than the periods of depression. Personally, when I am in one of these periods I am far more efficient when it comes to my work and can achieve things at an extremely fast pace. However, combined with this is an inability to focus on one thing as it feels like my brain is moving too fast for my body. Similarly, I often drink more and am prone to spending more money (usually on things I really don’t need - not ideal for a student budget!). In terms of ways I have learnt to deal with Bipolar, I am on moodstabilising medication. Whilst there is often such a stigma around taking medication for a mental health issue, I can genuinely say that without my medication I don’t believe I would be in the position I am today. It doesn’t numb me or take away my moods, it just regulates the periods of hyperactivity and low energy levels and eliminates the predisposition to depression. I try and maintain a balanced lifestyle (I was advised to wake up and eat at the same time each day), though I have to admit this is something I really need to work on! I regularly meet with Dickie, who has been a massive help and I am forever grateful for everything he has done, and continues to do for me. My advice for anyone who is…
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…suffering from mental health problems, or just feels a bit low/ anxious is to find someone who you feel comfortable talking to. In college the welfare team along with college office are always happy to chat and you should never feel afraid or embarrassed to go and see one of them! For me, this is my family and my close friends, who are always there to talk to me and provide endless support. From my personal experience, Bipolar disorder can be extremely disconcerting not only for the person who has it but also the family and friends of that individual, therefore being open with those close to you is something that has really helped me. Finally, I feel I should say that nowadays my Bipolar really doesn’t have a gigantic effect on my life. Combining my strong support system with medication and a continued positive outlook means that on a day-to-day basis I rarely think about it. We have come a long way in reducing the stigma surrounding mental health and while initially I was apprehensive to write this, I hope that in doing so people can understand Bipolar a little better and understand that with the right combination of factors, it doesn’t define who somebody is.” ~ Nancy Types of Bipolar Bipolar I: if you have had at least one manic or high episode that has lasted at least a week; you may only have manic episodes however most have depressive episodes too; untreated, a manic episode will generally last 3-6 months; depressive episodes can last 6-12 months without treatment Bipolar II: if you have had more than one episodes of severe depression, but mild manic episodes – called ‘hypomania’ Rapid cycling: if you’ve had more than 4 mood swings in 12 months Cyclothymia: the mood swings are not as severe but can last for longer
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PERSONALITY DISORDERS What are they? The word ‘personality’ refers to the pattern of thoughts, feelings and behaviour that makes each of us the individuals that we are. These affect the way we think, feel and behave towards ourselves and others. Personality disorders are a type of mental health problem where your attitudes, beliefs and behaviours cause you longstanding problems in your life. Your experience of personality disorder is unique to you. However, you may often experience difficulties in how you think about yourself and others. You may find it difficult to change these unwanted patterns. What are the signs of a personality disorder? You might be given a diagnosis of personality disorder if all three of these apply: - The way you think, feel and behave causes you or others significant problems in daily life. For example, you may feel unable to trust others or you may often feel abandoned, causing you or others unhappiness. - The way you think, feel and behave causes significant problems across different aspects of your life. You may struggle to start or keep friendships, to control your feelings and behaviour or get on with people at work, for example. - These problems continue for a long time. These difficult patterns may have started when you were a child or teenager and can carry on into your life as an adult. Types of personality disorders (PDs) Psychiatrists tend to use a system of diagnosis which identifies 10 types of personality disorder, grouped into three categories: Suspicious PDs: Paranoid; Schizoid; Schizotypal; Antisocial Emotional and impulsive PDs: Borderline; Histrionic; Narcissistic Anxious PDs: Avoidant; Dependent; Obsessive Compulsive visit www.mind.org.uk for descriptions
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HELPING YOURSELF Looking after your mental wellbeing is just as important as your physical wellbeing (and they are definitely linked!). There are many activities you can do in Durham to look after your mental wellbeing, that are also fun and relaxing, that you have not have considered such as: 1. Exercise: As well as helping your physical wellbeing, exercise helps boost mood, concentration, relieves stress and improves memory and sleep. There are loads of opportunities to exercise in Durham: you could try out a new sport (either at Caste or uni wide); pop down to Aerobics on Saturday morning in the Undie; grab a friend and head to Moatside gym or even try a fitness video from the comfort of your own room. 2. Take breaks and socialise! With deadlines and exams looming, it’s vital to remember to take a break! There’s more to Durham than just libraries regular breaks with help you feel less stressed and will help you focus. Also, don’t forget about your social life. Feeling lonely at uni is not uncommon and, whilst sometimes difficult to make yourself do, engaging in social activities can help this, especially as you’re unlikely to be the only one feeling this way. Social activities can also be really important in ensuring that you have some downtime away from academic or other pressures, so it’s definitely worth giving a go whether that’s planning a day trip, going for a coffee or having a relaxed movie night with friends. 3. Do something you’re good at! Having a good self-esteem really helps with your mental wellbeing. Find a hobby you enjoy and feel good while doing. There are loads of societies both in Castle and uni-wide that you can join at any point of the year (such as CCA which is also a great way to give back to the community!)
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4. Talk about your feelings: Talking things through can really help and give you a new perspective, so if a friend comes to you make sure you listen! As well as friends, you can also chat to the welfare team, college office or the counselling service about absolutely anything that is on your mind. It is also possible to find sources of support through social media and websites, for instance Mind have an online community called ‘Elefriends’ where you could find people experiencing similar thoughts and feelings. 5. Think Before You Drink: There’s a reason we feel so rough the day after drinking: alcohol is a depressant. Alcohol can make our mood and wellbeing much worse in the long run so try to drink in moderation. 6. Eat Well: Nutrients and vitamins are important for your body and brain, and hence your mental health. Try and maintain a healthy, balanced diet with as much fresh fruit and vegetables as possible. 7. Mindfulness and Mediation: There are loads of different ways you can try this, such as adult colouring books or mindfulness apps. Just make sure you keep it up, even just 10 minutes a day, in order to see the full benefits. 8. Ecotherapy: This basically means get out and about and enjoying nature! There are so many beautiful countryside walks surrounding Durham that are definitely worth doing. “A couple of years ago, I found that my mental health had dwindled to the point that I was persistently feeling low, unenthusiastic and unable to face up to my problems without feeling overwhelmed. What’s more, due to past events in my life, I was carrying a lot of ‘shame’ on my body, so it was recommended to me that I should try and take up an activity that would help me connect with my body in a positive way. It was at this point that I did something that I never thought I’d do- I got a gym membership! I had done a bit of running in the past, but never dedicated my spare time to exercise. Walking into the gym for the first...
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…time, I was wearing one of my father’s old pyjama tops and the fear of all the seemingly monstrous equipment must have been written all over my face. My first workout consisted of mostly walking and minimal sweat… but from that session I was hooked. Running changed my life. Slowly- very slowly- I began to push myself more and more each time that I went to the gym. Over time, I increased my number of workouts per week. I began to really make myself sweat. My reason for doing this was so simple! It was because I enjoyed it. Running on the treadmill has always been my favourite thing to do because your whole body is engaged, your heart rate soars and you feel, well, in control. Going to the gym gives me something to look forward to; walking in each day I know that the gym is my own space to connect with my body and to prove to myself that I am capable of performing. It’s ‘me-time’. Some days I won’t push myself, I’ll do a relaxed work out. Either way, all-important endorphins are released. The effects of exercise on mental health are well publicised; just some of the benefits that are boasted include being: less likely to be depressed, anxious or tense; more likely to feel good about yourself; more likely to concentrate and focus better; more likely to sleep better. And I could not vouch for these more. Running is a healthy distraction, yes, but it also allows you to have a clear mind- hence the ironic title. Instead of running away, running allows me to confront my problems! Not just that, but with a positive attitude and with confidence. So, if you are struggling with stress, low mood or self-esteem, I recommend going for a run! It doesn’t have to be on a treadmill, it could be past the pretty landmarks of Durham (what a beautiful place to be able to use as your track) or by the river. It doesn’t have to be intense, it could be short or at a gentle pace. What it does have to be, however, is ‘you-time’. Never run to impress anyone else. Run to your favourite songs, wearing your favourite clothes to get sweaty in, and allow yourself to feel good! ” ~ Georgia Vinall
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HELPING FAMILY AND FRIENDS You might not be experiencing a mental health difficulty, however someone you care about could be. Being a supportive friend/ relative can make such a huge difference: Be there: They might want to talk about it, they might not. Let them decide, and don’t pressure them either way. You simply being there, showing them you are willing to provide support, can mean the world. Remember they are more than just their diagnosis! People don’t want to be defined by their diagnosis so remember everything else that makes them who they are and don’t treat them any differently. Be open minded: As everyone’s experiences are so different it can sometimes be hard to completely understand so just do your best to listen, be non-judgmental and receptive. Try and avoid phrases like ‘pull yourself together’, ‘cheer up’ or anything else that may sound like you’re dismissing their feelings. Whilst that’s not the intention, some off the cuff comments can be quite unhelpful and even hurtful so bear this in mind. Ask how you can help: Often people require different forms of support at different times, it’s totally okay to ask how you can best help! Look after yourself: It can be easier to support someone if you’re not the only one doing so. Take time to talk to someone about how you’re feeling, as if you begin to be affected yourself you’ll be less able to help. One way you can do this, without feeling like you’re breaking any sort of confidentially, is through using the anonymous posting system (community.dur.ac.uk/castle.welfare).
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SUPPORT SERVICES If you feel you’re at risk of harming yourself or others, or would consider yourself to be in crisis, immediately contact one of the below:
NHS During office hours contact your local GP surgery (University Health Centre, 0191 386 5081), or the non-emergency line after hours (111)
Local Hospital Go to your local A&E or call 999 for an ambulance or police in an emergency.
Samaritans They offer confidential support to anyone in a crisis, 24 hours a day, every day. 116 123 / jo@samaritans.org Drop-in service (9.30am-9pm) 26 Sutton Street, DH1 4BW
CALM: Campaign Against Living Miserably Helpline specifically for men between 15-35 who are in a depressive crisis situation or suicidal 0800 58 58 58 (5pm - midnight, every day) www.thecalmzone.net
PAPYRUS - Prevention of Young Suicide For suicide prevention, for people under 35 HOPELineUK - 0800 068 4141 Monday - Friday 10am - 5pm & 7pm-10pm Weekends 2pm-5pm
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College Porters You can call the Porters for advice 24/7: 0191 334 3800
Other (non-emergency) support services The Welfare team - A student run confidential listening service that can signpost you in the right direction for further help - Provides sexual health supplies as well as earplugs, sleeping masks and emergency tampons and sanitary pads - Drop-in sessions every day - One-to-one evening drop-ins - Welfare phone (9am - 9pm every day, call or text): 07852 609867 - Email or message any of the team for a 1-on-1 drop in or query - Anonymous Posting System: community.dur.ac.uk/castle.welfare
College Office Hannah Cleugh: hannah.cleugh@durham.ac.uk Richard (Dickie) Lawrie: r.m.lawrie@durham.ac.uk
Nightline - A confidential listening service, run by students - 9pm - 7am every night of term - Phone: can be found on the back of your campus card and on duo - Instant message: community.dur.ac.uk/nightline
Durham University Counselling - The Counselling Service offers a high standard of service in counselling for those who are finding that their difficulties are hard to manage and/or are affecting their studies. Make an appointment by: - Email counsel.service@durham.ac.uk; or phone 0191 334 2200
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Heads Up - Durham’s branch of student minds— a nationwide charity aiming to raise awareness and support for mental health problems in universities. - Host regular meetings and events, open to all - heads.up@durham.ac.uk / www.studentminds.org.uk / ‘Heads Up Durham’ on Facebook
External Useful Websites The following sites have lots of useful information about mental health: www.mind.org.uk www.time-to-change.org.uk www.rethink.org www.mentalhealth.org.uk www.sane.org.uk www.ocduk.org www.bipolaruk.org.uk www.depressionalliance.org Trigger warning: self-harm “The earliest memories of my anger issues are in primary school. Back then, if something upset me, I used to lash out- at people and/or things. My behaviour wasn’t deemed “serious” enough to cause concern, but the tellings-off at school really got to me. I learnt that expressing my emotions in this way was “wrong”, and only adults could behave like this. It was okay for my parents and teachers to get angry with me, but it wasn’t okay for me to be angry with other people. So, I began to keep quiet. I bottled up my problems and this was how I lived until university. This just made me worse and I turned my anger onto myself. I started to self-harm, releasing some of these intense feelings and punishing…
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… myself, every time I did something “wrong”. But in my eyes, everything I do is “wrong”. I began to see myself as a complete failure who disappoints everyone no matter what I do. I withdrew and isolated myself from everyone who could possibly be avoided and kept the self-loathing quiet, until I realised I needed help. I worried about using the counselling service. I didn’t think they would want to help me, or be suitable for my issues. It felt so weird being there. I was being told to say how I feel, but I no longer knew how to. Suddenly there was someone who was listening and caring and it sort of creeped me out. Counselling was beneficial, but at the same time I found it all incredibly overwhelming and uncomfortable which made my behaviours worse. I started hurting myself again, because I was telling them too much, or I was saying too little and wasting their time. I became very paranoid about the confidentiality side of things. The alcohol abuse raised even more alarm bells within college. I eventually got called to college office. Both Dickie and Eva were asking so many questions and I didn’t know what to answer or even if I had an answer and ended up feeling worse than I did beforehand, as well as a burden to them and the welfare team. I turned back to how I was before. I didn’t speak about my problems anymore. I stopped talk therapy, stopped using welfare, sat in silence in college office. In the end, I went to the GP and got some medication to help. It took a few attempts, but now I’ve found what works for me, things are much more manageable. Talk therapy doesn’t work for everybody, and one day maybe I will try again, but for now my message would be to not give up on finding support if the first method you try doesn’t seem to work.” ~ Carys
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Thank you to everyone who has contributed to this booklet and made it possible. Your bravery and courage to talk so openly about mental health will hopefully help break the taboo surrounding discussing mental health and greatly improve the welfare and wellbeing of members of the JCR. If anyone would like to chat about anything discussed in this booklet, please don’t hesitate to contact the welfare team.
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“If it’s dark and rainy outside right now, there’s nothing to be done. But one day, the sun will shine again.” - Stephen Fry